Peace in Chaos

Living in Secret with the Sociopath

Image courtesy of nenetus at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of nenetus at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Are Things Really What We Think They Are?

Things aren’t always what they seem, that’s for sure. And sometimes things aren’t always what they seem when they are right in your face. People can’t really be persuaded, even if something is right in their face.

For whatever their reasons are, people have to come to their own conclusions about things. And most of the time it’s difficult for family and friends to watch someone they love continue in a path that is harmful to them.

Living In Secret

Those of us who fall into the victim category, well, we live in secret. We live in secret about what is really going on for a lot of reasons. We are in denial of our own circumstances even though we know what we know.

This Year There’s a Parasitic Sociopath without a Host

Weak Parasite, Strong Host

One of my old friends said she saw SP still showing up to our old church.  She said that he didn’t look attractive anymore and looks like he’s lost himself.  I thought to myself, well he lost his HOST, that’s why; well all the while, I feel great!  My health is improving, I’m eating well, sleeping well, it’s amazing.

I made my way out,  and I will continue to take whatever steps necessary to maintain that no contact.  I am now almost 2 years post divorce, and a year and a half of no contact.  Usually at the end of the year, there is a reflective time of that previous year, but for me, I am reflecting on when I first decided to move out of my house with my daughter, and finally began to get the strength to leave the SP.

Cancer at Christmas — Living in a Sociopath’s World

When Things Were

I used to be so good at taking care of things like decorating my house for Christmas with shades of red, green and gold, carefully outlining dark corners with beautiful, gleaming lights to create that wonderful, cozy ambiance of a home filled with love and joy—the way it should feel at Christmas time.

There were carefully thought out, warm meals prepared, music filling the crisp air, homemade Christmas sweets to grab on the way out the door, and soft, warm blankets on every couch for that last minute snuggle.  I would intentionally direct my energies towards evoking wonder with my family and daughter every day of December.

Denial of Darkness

I lived in my own reality of denial as the darkness passed me in the halls of that beautiful home.  I filled myself with good things and the light in my life would overshadow the darkness.  Yet as strong as the light was in my life, little by little the darkness chipped away at my spirit.

Pathological Liars are Sociopaths, Sociopaths are Pathological Liars

Lies and Cheats

I think to myself in retrospect of all the occurrences where the SP was telling a COMPLETE lie.  Of course, at the time, I knew something wasn’t right, but I wanted him to make it right.  I wanted him to prove to me what he was really saying was true, which he never did.  For a very long time I did not want to believe he was cheating…that much.  I couldn’t fathom it.  But he was.

Surprise Visit

I went to teach dance every Thursday evening and he came home from our office early so I could beat the traffic.  9 times out of 10 he was late, so I eventually had to tell him the schedule at work had changed to earlier, so when he was late, I would still be on time.

Maintaining No Contact with a Sociopath

Boundaries?  I Don’t Know What Those Are

It’s amazing how even after years and months go by of you making it perfectly clear what kind of contact you want with the sociopath, they don’t reciprocate your boundaries.  I think it’s just mind boggling over and over again in my mind that this concept of boundaries is so foreign to them, and they have no means, let alone intentions, of adhering to them.

I mean normal people who find out other people don’t want them to contact them anymore, just…stop.  But the sociopath does the exact opposite.  They continue to push buttons, push boundaries, push limits.  There is a constant alertness on the part of the person that set up the boundaries against the sociopath to continue to re-evaluate the boundaries the sociopath has crossed.  In addition, they have to set up the right proximity in the first place to derail the sociopath’s ability to get around the boundaries on the onset.

Suffering PTSD from a Sociopath and asking God for help

Editor’s note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud’s statement on Spiritual Recovery.

The Downward Spiral to the Bottom

A year and a half after the downward spiral of a 10 year relationship came to the ground, I started noticing new behaviors of mine surface.  New thoughts, new spikes in anger, outward and physical expressions of fear, anxiety, being paranoid, scared.

I’m not sure why in my case it took longer to surface.  It could be because I was dealing internally with so many other facets of breaking free like the divorce, custody battles, financial wars and deep betrayal and confusion over the last year.


I started to have these “episodes” that were seizure-like, which one time last year sent me to the hospital where they diagnosed my with acute aphasia.  They shot me up with some Lorazepam and I was good to go.

My Niece in My Bed…with My Sociopath Husband

Dinner in Bed

The spath convinced me to have his 17 year old niece come from his country and have us house her to try and give her a chance to live here.  I agreed.  Seemed noble, right?  In November she came.  I conceived my daughter in January; she was still in our home.

I wanted her to have a good chance at life so I got her plugged into school here to learn English, taught her how to drive, took her to get her hair done, you know all those things.  There was a language barrier because she did not speak English, but I spent a lot of time and effort helping her.

Zora, Another Girlfriend-Sociopaths and Sex Addiction

Women Turnover

I could never make sense of the turn over of women.  I would think to myself, there is no way that he is actually sleeping with these women, maybe flirting.  With the speed of turn over that he would have with these women, in addition to the fact that there were more than several going on at once, I could not fathom.  Unfortunately it is possible, and it happens all the time.  It’s called sex addiction.

As all of this was going on; my mind felt like it was on fire.  I would try to think and rationalize and make sense of what was happening, but I could not.  For me I hadn’t really heard of sex addiction, nor had made any connections to the spath about it at that point.  It sure would have helped me put the puzzle pieces together about what was going on a lot sooner if I had.

My sociopathic husband as the gross older guy

I Need Help, No Really

About a year after I had my daughter, I finally had to find someone to help me with all my data entry and paper shuffle to keep up with the work load for the business the spath and I ran, but mostly I ran.  I still had my office out of my home to try and save on overhead, but also so I could work when my baby was sleeping.  After making an extension on the office, I had a separate entrance created to the office off of the house so I could have employees enter the office without entering the house.

I finally ended up hiring a younger girl, 18, that was in college.  It worked out well because she only needed part time and that’s all I had in the budget for the moment.  It was a huge undertaking to hire someone on at that point because I was already so behind with all the paperwork, which was why I needed extra office help.

Drugs, Santeria and Girlfriend Change — Sociopath Stories

Drug Past

One of the many shockers of being with a sociopath is their ability to coerce you into their criminal activity.  When I was dating the spath, at first, he seemed so innocent and shy.  As time went on he began to leak to me his stories.  So he would lock me in with his intrigue, then feed me a portion of his past.  The first shocker story came from his participation in the drug business in the country he grew up in.

Not until after I was married, did I find out that was one of the main reasons he came to the United States; he was running from the authorities.  There was a time his family members had to hide him in a basement for long periods of time to escape going to prison.