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H. G. Beverly

Gut Instinct Isn’t Enough

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Chapter 8
Gut Instinct Isn’t Enough

Everyone talks about “gut instinct,” but what is it? Is it really something you feel in your gut? In your heart? In your head? Does everyone have it? Are some people better than others at listening to their gut?

I’ve never talked to anyone who doesn’t believe that’s the case. People seem to believe that we all have a “gut instinct” about things, and that some people are better at recognizing it than others.

When we were dating, Wyatt and I used to walk along the railroad tracks next to his house for hours. They were abandoned tracks, but they still smelled of creosote and oil and tar. The gravel was pierced by only a few weeds with the strongest tap roots, weeds that looked like dandelions to me but that never produced flowers. They speckled the gravel bed like green stars.

My Ex is a Psychopath

H.G. Beverly will be back next Friday to continue posting the rest of her book, My Ex is a Psychopath. She took a short break from posting to tend to family matters, but you can look for her next post on Friday, March 11, 2016.

Many thanks!

If I Explain it Right, He’ll Care

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Chapter 7
If I Explain It Right, He’ll Care

In most of our daily arguments with people we love, both sides are right. It can be mind boggling to look across the table at your partner and realize that they feel just as certain in their position as you do in yours. Some of us withdraw at the point where two “right” sides meet because we hate conflict. Some of us love that spot and try to live as much of life as possible in the state of an exciting debate. Some of us always feel we’re even more right than the other and are compelled to explain why, whether anyone else wants to hear it or not.

But regardless of our natural tendencies, the bottom line is this: our ability to work through daily conflicts and debates strongly influences the quality of our relationships.

Is It Really My Fault? A Victim Fights Back Against Victim-Blame

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Chapter Six
I Wouldn’t Let That Happen

It’s your fault for letting yourself get hurt.

Just reading that sentence probably makes you agitated. But people say that about each other all the time. We blame victims for letting themselves get hurt. Now maybe you want to say, “NO I DON’T.” It’s offensive, right? We all want to be the kind of person who shows up with band-aids and soup and enough time to really listen and care about what happened. That’s because we’re decent people, and we do care.

But think for a moment about how we respond differently to the kind of hurt that takes a band-aid and that we can see maybe happening to us and the kind of hurt that we never, ever want to touch our lives. We know we’re all going to scrape our knees, be rejected by a crush, get the flu, and lose loved ones. We do what we can to avoid these painful experiences, and we learn as we grow up how to deal with the hurt and how to rely on each other for support.

Who exactly is a potential victim of psychopaths or sociopaths?

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Chapter 5
Who is a potential victim?

Everyone is a potential victim of a psychopath. There are two basic reasons why, and my goal in this chapter is to make them clear for you. Why? Because too many people think they can’t be fooled or that they’re too strong to be a victim, and those beliefs put us in danger of being swept away and devastated by a psychopath.

Here are my two points, up front. First, psychopaths handle deception differently, and it catches us off guard. Almost anyone can be fooled, even professionals. Second, the most masterful unincarcerated psychopaths can give a very warm impression and/or they talk incessantly about their values. We are not brought up to anticipate warmth and what seems like patriotism and/or family values from a psychopath. We are not prepared to detect their lies. And that makes us all susceptible.

How Sociopaths Fool You Into Thinking They’re You’re Friend

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Chapter 4
Richard Parker Is Not Your Friend

Psychopathic expert Kent Kiehl has contributed enormously to the field. He says that every adult psychopath he has ever worked with was different as a child, and not in a good way. When he looks through their prison files, he finds all kinds of stories about how much trouble they caused, how they never connected with friends, how they didn’t join teams, and how they were ultimately the black sheep of their families.

Sounds like what you would expect, right? A psychopath is not and never was your friend.

Here’s my issue. Kiehl works with prisoners.

Prisoners have been caught.

And so when you believe him—which is likely, since he’s an expert—and assume that all psychopaths have been caught causing trouble all their lives, then you are going to be wide open to the psychopaths who were darling children. Whose family photo album would show a smiling young charmer standing in front of a trophy case. Whose darker activities were never detected.

There are Degrees of Conscience and Empathy

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Hello. I’m Helen Beverly, an author and psychotherapist who writes under the name H.G. Beverly. I was married to a psychopath for over a decade and am still dealing with the challenges of raising our children “together” in a society that struggles to deal with psychopathy. I’ve written some posts about those challenges that you can find archived here on Lovefraud. Also, I published my memoir, The Other Side of Charm, in 2014 and am now releasing my next book one chapter at a time. You can find it here and on my blog at hgbeverly.com. It’s called My Ex is a Psychopath, But I Am Strong and Free.

This book details my healing journey despite failed systems that left me in constant contact with my ex. I talk about how I learned to manage the situation and how I have recovered peace and happiness despite obstacles. Look for a new chapter here each week on Fridays. Here is the third chapter.

Labels and Lists Might Not Help

 

ExPsychopathCover

Hello, Lovefraud Readers. A quick reintroduction: I’m Helen Beverly, an author and psychotherapist who writes under the name H.G. Beverly. I was married to a psychopath for over a decade and am still dealing with the challenges of raising our children “together” in a society that struggles to deal with psychopathy. I’ve written some posts about those challenges that you can find archived here on Lovefraud. Also, I published my memoir, The Other Side of Charm, in 2014 and am now releasing my next book one chapter at a time. You can find it here and on my blog at hgbeverly.com. It’s called My Ex is a Psychopath, But I Am Strong and Free.

This book details my healing journey despite failed systems that left me in constant contact with my ex. I talk about how I learned to manage the situation and how I have recovered peace and happiness despite obstacles. Look for a new chapter here each week on Fridays. Here is the second chapter.

Everyone’s Ex is a Psychopath

ExPsychopathCover

Hello, Lovefraud Readers. A quick reintroduction: I’m Helen Beverly, an author and psychotherapist who writes under the name H.G. Beverly. I was married to a psychopath for over a decade and am still dealing with the challenges of raising our children “together” in a society that struggles to deal with psychopathy. I’ve written some posts about those challenges that you can find archived here on Lovefraud. Also, I published my memoir, The Other Side of Charm, in 2014 and am now releasing my next book one chapter at a time. You can find it here and on my blog at hgbeverly.com. It’s called My Ex is a Psychopath, But I Am Strong and Free.

This book details my healing journey despite failed systems that left me in constant contact with my ex. I talk about how I learned to manage the situation and how I have recovered peace and happiness despite obstacles. Look for a new chapter here each week on Fridays. Here is the first chapter.

Sociopaths and Parental Alienation

He trained our children with Skittles.

Sometimes he used little wads of paper. Any time we were in public places together, like watching a game or something, my ex would take a napkin or a popcorn bag and tear it up and throw little pieces of it at them if they were sitting with me.

Or he’d buy a bag of Skittles and throw them, one at a time, giggling and smiling as he bounced them off the backs of their heads until they got up from their place beside me and moved over to sit with him.

Then he would let them relax.

It sounds miniscule. But that’s where parental alienation lives—in every miniscule detail. It’s not just in court—it’s also in the granular. In the point where a child finds peace. In the way a parent makes sure that a child only feels settled when sitting in the right place.