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Donna Andersen

10 reasons why sociopaths’ lies seem so believable

lies-magnifier-represents-no-lying-and-correctWhen we finally figure out that just about everything a sociopath told us is a lie, we are shocked. How can anyone lie so fluently? And why did we fall for it?

Here are 10 reasons why the lies sociopaths tell seem so believable:

  1. Sociopaths tell you how honest they are

Early on, sociopaths may tell you how much they value honesty, that truthfulness is the foundation of all relationships. Their objective is to convince you of their trustworthiness, so that when you encounter their lies, you don’t see them.

  1. Sociopaths lie while they look directly into your eyes

Some experts say that if people look up and to their right while speaking, it’s a sign that they are lying. Other experts dispute this. Regardless, we all tend to believe that if someone can look us in the eye while talking, then they are telling the truth. Sociopaths know this, so they look us in the eye as they lie.

On Thanksgiving, the energy of gratitude

 

Photo by Jack Moreh

Photo by Jack Moreh

One of the most healing energies of the universe is gratitude. No matter what your situation, finding something to be grateful for can help you move forward.

This may seem difficult, especially if you’ve recently discovered that you’ve been betrayed by a sociopath. But even under these circumstances, you can be grateful that you have finally learned the truth.

My own experience with a sociopath was shattering. But one thing that was demolished was the wall I had built around myself. With that gone, I was able to move forward and find true love and companionship, and for that I am grateful.

To all Lovefraud readers, thank you for your contributions to our collective healing. Together, through our hard-won wisdom and compassion, we help each other to become better and healthier than ever.

Happy Thanksgiving!

 

Posted in: Donna Andersen

Holiday sale: Buy one Lovefraud printed book, get a second copy FREE!

Red Flags and Love Fraud_300x300Give the gift of knowledge, understanding and healing — to yourself and a friend! For the holiday season, when you buy one Lovefraud printed book, you’ll receive a second book for free!

I am pleased to offer you:

Red Flags of Love Fraud
10 signs you’re dating a sociopath
Two copies for $15.95 — you save $23.95!

Red Flags of Love Fraud reveals, for the first time, the tactics of social predators who pursue romantic relationships not for love, but for exploitation. You’ll learn how sociopaths seduce their targets, why it’s hard to escape the relationships, and how you can protect yourself.

Love Fraud
How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan
Two copies for $14.95 — you save $44.95!

Mind control: A real and dangerous problem

A woman is trapped in a situation that is just like a cult, although the cult has a leader, the woman’s husband, and only one follower — her.

It’s frightening. The husband totally abuses his wife, made her sign a suicide note, and attempted to poison her.

The story sounds totally unbelievable, but cases like this do happen.

If you know someone in this situation, the best thing you can do is maintain communication with the person. You don’t necessarily want to denounce the cult leader, because that could backfire.

For more information, I recommend the work of Steve Hassan, including his website, Freedom of Mind.

 

“Woman chained like a dog” case: How can we protect ourselves from people who are pure evil?

Todd Kohlhepp of Moore, S.C. Kohlhepp was arrested Thursday, Nov. 3, 2016, in connection to a woman being found chained inside a storage container on a property in Woodruff, SC. (Spartanburg County Sheriff's Office via AP)

Todd Kohlhepp of Moore, S.C. Kohlhepp was arrested Thursday, Nov. 3, 2016, in connection to a woman being found chained inside a storage container on a property in Woodruff, SC. (Spartanburg County Sheriff’s Office via AP)

Todd Christopher Kohlhepp, 45, of Moore, South Carolina was denied bail yesterday after being charged with kidnapping and murder.

Last week, news broke that a woman had been found alive in a metal storage container on a rural property in Woodruff, South Carolina. According to the Spartanburg sheriff, she’d been in the container for two months, chained by her neck “like a dog.”

Kala Brown, 30, along with her boyfriend, Charles Carver, 32, had been missing since late August. Brown and Carver went to the 95-acre property, owned by Kohlhepp, to do work for him, and when they arrived, Brown said, Kohlhepp shot Carver. His body was just found.

9 reasons why sociopaths blow your mind

Pensive Woman In Sweater Sitting On FloorWhen you finally figure out that you’re dealing with sociopaths, your state of mind is complete and utter shock. On the one hand, you are relieved to know that it’s not you; something is definitely wrong with them. On the other hand, you still can’t wrap your brain around their behavior.

It’s mind-boggling, and here’s why:

  1. Everything you believed was a lie

You probably caught some of the lies as you went along, but the sociopaths explained them away. Then you learned that the entire nature of the involvement, the entire reason they are in your life, is complete fabrication. It was never about romance, or shared goals, or family. It was about exploitation.

  1. The unbelievable sense of entitlement

New research on why people who tell small lies graduate to big lies

good lies

Weheartit

An article in the New York Times reviews new research on how the brain reacts to lies. Essentially, when someone continues to lie, “the negative emotional signals initially associated with lying decrease as the brain becomes desensitized.”

Why big liars often start out as small ones, on NYTimes.com.

The story did not say that the research had anything to do with personality disorders. But it certainly makes sense with sociopaths — the more they lie, the easier it becomes, and they tell more lies.

And then there’s this — sociopaths like the sense of power and control that they experience when people believe their lies. So not only does the negative reinforcement fade, but the positive reinforcement of winning escalates.

Maybe it’s like an addiction — in order to get the same rush, they have to tell bigger lies. Now that’s scary.

 

 

 

Donald Trump’s abusive behavior triggers PTSD — and so does Hillary Clinton’s

 

Presidential nominee Donald Trump went to Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, on Saturday, the site of one of the bloodiest battles of America’s Civil War, supposedly to outline his plans for his first 100 days in office. But first, he said he’d sue the women who accused him of groping or kissing them without their consent.

Typical abusive behavior

Trump denied and threatened. That’s the typical behavior of an abuser — and it’s triggering symptoms of PTSD in women who have endured sexual assault and/or relationships with sociopaths.

A Lovefraud reader wrote:

I wanted to bring up something that has been happening and it’s alarming.  While Trump has been campaigning for president, it has caused flashbacks and triggered memories of my experiences with the sociopath.

I asked this reader about her symptoms. She explained:

Donna Andersen explains sociopaths on Blog Talk Radio

This week, in recognition of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I appeared on the Blog Talk Radio show, Golden Life Living with Charise. 

In this 43-minute interview, I explained some of the Red Flags of Love Fraud — the warning signs of sociopathic behavior. I also discussed typical sociopathic strategies for undermining their targets and the best way to avoid these predators.

 

Video: Basic rules for a custody battle with a sociopath

In this edition of “Letters to Lovefraud” videos, a reader is facing a custody battle with her son’s father, who she believes is a sociopath. She asks, “What are my options? Can I mention him being a sociopath in court without looking crazy?”

I explain the basic rules of a custody battle with a sociopath. I emphasize that this is not a court procedure with a reasonable person who wants what is best for the child. And I explain your most important tool for building your case.