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Donna Andersen

Making meaning of your betrayal by a sociopath

Woman with arms raised at sunset on the beachWhen we realize that we’ve been involved with a sociopath, and that person has callously betrayed us, we inevitably ask, “Why? Why did this happen to me?”

To help find the answer, one of the books that Lovefraud recommends is The Betrayal Bond—Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships, by Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D. The book explains the deep psychological wounds caused by trauma, and offers a way for us to identify and overcome abusive relationships that we may have experienced.

When I read the book, I was struck by what Carnes wrote on page 68:

My experience with survivors of trauma is that every journey of recovery depends on the survivor coming to a point where all that person has gone through means something.

I believe there is meaning in what we have experienced at the hands of sociopaths. Here it is: The object of the exercise is to force us to jettison mistaken beliefs about ourselves.

Posted in: Donna Andersen

AP reveals alleged physical and emotional abuse in World of Faith Fellowship

 

Cult turn right

(Photo by Kevin Dooley)

The Associated Press recently published an expose in which 43 former congregants of the World of Faith Fellowship religious sect, based in Spinsdale, North Carolina, claimed they were physically and emotionally abused in the church.

They were “regularly punched, smacked, choked, slammed to the floor or thrown through walls in a violent form of deliverance meant to ‘purify’ sinners by beating out devils,” AP wrote.

Two assistant prosecutors in North Carolina, who were ministers of the church, have been charged with sabotaging investigations into the secretive sect. They allegedly provided legal advice and participated in a mock trial for four congregants who were charged with harassing a former member.

AP Exclusive: Ex-congregants reveal years of ungodly abuse, on APNews.com.

Prosecutors gone from jobs after AP report on church abuse, on USNews.com.

 

How to attract a new relationship after the sociopath

Donna Andersen and Terry Kelly at Longwood Gardens in February, 2017.

Donna Andersen and Terry Kelly at Longwood Gardens in February, 2017.

Lovefraud recently received the following e-mail from a reader:

I have a question for you. I’ve been divorced for 3 years now from my ex-husband who had a porn addiction. I’ve tried the Internet dating sites on and off since, and have had nothing but bad experiences. What do you suggest I do/ how do I go about finding someone? I am really lonely and would like to have a man in my life. However, I’m so afraid of attracting the wrong kind still. If you have any suggestions, I’d be happy to hear them.

If you’ve had a run-in with a sociopath, before attempting to date again, you must first heal yourself. If you’re feeling lonely and afraid, it is an indication that you are not yet healed.

Chaos, destruction and murder – the philosophy of a sociopath

Socipathic eyesLovefraud received a letter from a woman who we’ll call Valerie. She met her husband, whom we’ll call Dylan, at age 18, and has been with him for seven years. She thought they were happy together in their wonderful home with their family of pets.

Suddenly Dylan started acting erratically. He said he didn’t want to be with Valerie any more. He picked fights. She asked Dylan to leave, but made it clear that she was willing to do whatever was necessary to help him. So he left, and wouldn’t tell her where he was. Eventually, Valerie’s intuition told her to check her husband’s Facebook page, where she found Dylan’s love letters to another woman.

Then Valerie found how Dylan described himself on another website. Here’s what he wrote:

9 control tactics in a classic story of sociopathic manipulation

Image courtesy of nenetus at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of nenetus at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The following letter, written by a young woman whom we’ll call Chloe, is one of the most complete stories of psychological manipulation that I’ve ever seen yet. Chloe wrote this letter secretly while the sociopath she is living with was at the gym.

I met my boyfriend two years ago. I was 18; he was 33. He’s a photographer; we live on an island that is very small. He has lived here forever (10 years) and I had only been here a few months when I met him. Everybody, especially women on the island, adore him, he is THE BIGGEST charmer.

Psychopaths are naturally skilled at spotting potential victims

Image courtesy of nenetus at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of nenetus at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

When I was married to James Montgomery, who was later diagnosed as a psychopath, we once attended a local trade show together. We ran into a woman whom I didn’t know at all and James barely knew. After about one minute of conversation, James started offering to help her with some project that she was working on.

“What did you do that for?” I asked James after we continued on our way.

“What?”

“Offer to help that woman. You hardly know her.”

“Do you know who she’s married to?” James asked. It was a man that he believed could possibly be useful to his plans.

Psychopaths are always on the lookout for people they might be able to manipulate. A study published by Canadian researchers seems to indicate they have an enhanced ability to spot and remember potential targets.

San Diego district attorney to present seminar on ‘Romance Scams and Love Fraud’

Romance scamWow — a financial institution in the U.S. is finally taking romance scams seriously. On Wednesday, March 1, 2017, the San Diego County Credit Union will present a seminar called “Romance Scams and Love Fraud.”

The speaker is Paul Greenwood, San Diego County deputy district attorney. He will cover current scams, romance scams and ways to protect yourself.

If you’re in San Diego, California, you may want to stop by. It’s from 12-1 p.m. PT at the San Diego County Administration Center, 1600 Pacific Coast Highway. The event is free, and they’ll even serve you lunch!

SDCCU Financial Wellness Wednesdays presents free seminar on romance scams and love fraud, on CUinsight.com.

 

Learn to use EFT Tapping to heal your life – FREE 10-day online summit starts 2/27

Natural PsycholgistIf after dealing with a sociopath you’re feeling stuck, even trapped, in your life, EFT Tapping can help you break free and move forward. It’s an amazing technique that can heal deep emotional wounds, calm PTSD, and overcome health problems. I’m not kidding.

EFT stands for Emotional Freedom Technique. Tapping is what you do — with your fingers, you tap specific accupressure points, mostly on your face, while bringing to mind the situation that you want to address. This changes the energetic connection between your memory or perception of the situation and specific structures in your brain. When the energy changes, your life changes.

 

This stuff works. I’ve used it myself, and I’ve heard from plenty of Lovefraud readers who have used it as well.

On Monday, February 27, 2017, the 9th annual Tapping World Summit begins. It’s an opportunity for you to learn how to use this technique from the most famous practitioners in the field. It’s online, and it’s absolutely FREE.

Posted in: Donna Andersen

Identifying and recovering from psychological abuse

Healing from Hidden_72dpiBook Review: Healing from Hidden Abuse, by Shannon Thomas, LCSW

Review by Donna Andersen

Mind games — everyone who has tangled with a sociopath, psychopath, narcissist or other exploiter knows them. The sociopath makes a statement, and then denies ever saying the words. You call out the sociopath’s bad behavior, and it’s all turned around on you. And the lies — well, the objective of lies is to poison your perceptions.

The more formal term for this destructive behavior is psychological abuse. And now there’s a book that explains exactly what psychological abuse is, why perpetrators engage in it, and the steps of recovery.

Healing from Hidden Abuse —A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse, was written by Shannon Thomas, LCSW. It’s the first book I’ve seen that specifically addresses the mind games played by disordered individuals.

Romance Scams Part 4: Fake dating apps and malware

Photo by Pat138241

Photo by Pat138241

Here’s yet another take on the dangers of online dating: The website Information Security Buzz reports that a number of fake dating apps have been created specifically to record your private data. And some dating sites have spread malware and malicious content.

So if you’re involved with online dating, not only do you need to worry about suitors using fake profiles to steal your heart and your money, but you also need to worry about your computer being infected with a nasty virus.

The risks associated with online dating just don’t quit.

The ins and outs of online love scams, on InformationSecurityBuzz.com.