Donna Andersen

No matter what they say, sociopaths only want power, control and sex

LETTERS LOGO 2Two Letters to Lovefraud both had the same theme: Sociopathic men who relentlessly pursued women, proclaiming their love, making glowing promises of a committed relationship. The men pushed for sex, and although the women resisted, eventually, believing they were involved in real romances, the women succumbed to the men’s physical desires. With that, both women were dumped.

Read the letters here:

I met him on Facebook, was used for sex and dumped the next day

I felt bonded, even though this made me nauseated

Both women were astounded at how they were unceremoniously booted. They had a hard time coming to grips with the idea that they’d been used and abused. How could a man say all those wonderful things and not mean them? How could a man who talked so eloquently about love be lying? How could a man paint such a beautiful picture of the future and then discard me? Was there something wrong with me? Wasn’t I sexy enough? Smart enough? Pretty enough?

Lovefraud is being upgraded

Lovefraud_logo_4c_SQLovefraud is in the process of being upgraded, so some services may be temporarily unavailable.

For example, the Lovefraud Forum will not be open to new comments for a short time.

I am very excited about the changes we are making. Watch this spac for updates!



Getting over the relationship that didn’t exist

Unhappy-couple-breaking-up sizedLovefraud recently received the following e-mail from a reader:

How do I process a relationship that had so many lies in it that I don’t know really with whom I was involved?

I miss the person I thought I knew so much, but at the same time, he was involved with someone else, and others, since at least last June. I thought he had had one affair—but not anything to the extent that it looks like now.

How do I process a relationship I never had? Was he lying the whole time — acting out the “I love you’s”, the romantic comments, and the idea that we should be together? Is it all an act?

Most of us are reading and posting on Lovefraud because we were intensely, callously, brutally deceived in a relationship with a sociopath. The betrayal was so deep, and so profound, that all we can say is that the person we thought we knew, the relationship we thought we had, didn’t exist.

Donna Andersen to speak on ‘5 Steps to Change the World’ April 29 in Odenton, Maryland

Katherine Morris

Katherine Morris

What would happen if we all knew that sociopaths existed? If we all knew the warning signs, stayed away from them, and helped those who had been targeted?

I believe we would change the world.

I will explain exactly how this could happen in a free presentation that I am giving at an event to draw attention to the Katherine Morris Military Spouse Protection Act.

Lovefraud has written frequently about the case of Katherine Morris, who met and married a U.S. Army Soldier, Isaac Goodwin. Nine months later, Kathy was dead. Authorities ruled the case suicide, but Kathy’s mother, Pastor Marguerite Morris, believes foul play may have been involved.

At the very least, Goodwin brought Kathy into a sham marriage, and Kathy died of a broken heart. Read the story here:

Army Specialist Isaac Goodwin allegedly marries for money, and his wife commits suicide, on Lovefraud.com.

How do I recover from a manipulative friendship?

LETTERS LOGO 2Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader whom we’ll call “Lois.”

I have no one to turn to, as I have never spoken to anyone regarding my friendship with the narcissist apart from the narc, which suited him perfectly.

This friendship was in person but I live in a different city so it was mostly on the phone and a few face to face meetings during the year. However, I was also dropped and put in the box as needed, and picked up as soon as he would leave his families’ or friends’ home and work. And I had to be there when he was ready to make contact. However, the same did not apply to him. Many times when I needed to lean on him he was not contactable.

Widow loses $1 million to con man she met on Match.com

Money. HeartSix months after her husband died, and after her own treatment for breast cancer, the 75-year-old widow wanted to take her mind off of everything she’d been through. She joined Match.com.

“Edward Duffey” liked her photo. They started talking, one thing lead to another, and soon, even though they had never met, the woman started liquidating her assets so he could “invest” them.

Needless to say, she lost her money – over $1 million.

The woman certainly isn’t alone. A 2015 study by True Link Financial estimates that American seniors lose $36.48 billion per year to elder financial abuse.

How a phony online boyfriend scammed a 75-year-old widow out of $1 million, on Time.com

The True Link report on elder financial abuse in 2015, on truelinkfinancial.com.

Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader.

Posted in: Donna Andersen

Wall Street Journal explains that anyone can be conned

con manSophisticated readers of the Wall Street Journal beware: You can be conned, just like the rest of us.

The following article, by Susan Pinker, appeared in last weekend’s edition:

You can’t be fooled by a con? Don’t count on it, on WSJ.com.

The Journal doesn’t provide articles for free, so I’ll provide a summary of key points:

  • 35 million Americans fall for scams each year, according to the Federal Trade Commission.
  • One reason we fall for scams is because we are biologically programmed to trust and cooperate.
  • Research shows that we can detect a lie only about 50 percent of the time.
  • The unconscious mind may be better at detecting lies than rational focus.

So if you’ve been conned or deceived – and if you were involved with a sociopath, you probably were – it doesn’t mean you’re stupid. It means you’re human.

Why her happy marriage did not exist

overcoming numbness


Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader:

I was not in a disastrous relationship with my S. Our relationship was less than three years, our marriage less than two when he openly cheated and decided to leave me, then played games of false reconciliation, which in hindsight were so he could have two sex partners.

The short end of my question is … How do you reconcile the basically happy marriage, the illusion of a man you married with the horrible monster he has become in trying to create turmoil in your life and use your greatest love (your child) to hurt you?

Range of behavior

One reason why it’s so difficult to spot sociopaths is because they are not all the same. Sociopathy is a trait that varies from person to person. You could compare it to a trait like intelligence—not all intelligent people are intelligent in the same way. Some people are smart in academics, some people have mechanical skills, some people are artistically brilliant. They are all intelligent, but intelligent in different areas of life.

New Lovefraud CE education site coming soon!

Middle-aged thoughtful woman using laptop at homeBig changes are coming for Lovefraud Continuing Education. We’re in the process of moving to a new course delivery platform, one that will be much easier to navigate and offer more advanced features.

Browsing and registering for courses will be much easier. And, every course will include a forum. You’ll be able to discuss the information and ask questions of the instructor and other learners, during the course and afterwards.

The new platform is extremely flexible and robust. Lovefraud instructors will be able to design just about any format we can think of, so we’ll be able to offer you information in a variety of formats.

Our original Lovefraud CE platform will shut down as of tomorrow, and the new one will be ready soon. Once it launches, everyone who purchased courses in the past will have the same access to the information as previously.

Watch this space for announcements, coming soon!

Game theory and the sociopath

Man Behind Bars

Shock. Total disbelief. Utter incomprehension. That’s what we feel upon finally realizing that when the sociopath cheated on us, blew through our money, twisted our emotions and messed with our minds, to him or her it was all just a sick, depraved game.

Sociopaths do not form emotional connections with other human beings. They do not experience love. They do not feel honor, altruism or concern for others. The words they speak and the actions they take have only one objective: getting what they want. To them, life is a game, and they want to win.

Game theory is a field of study that, according to Wikipedia, “attempts to mathematically capture behavior in strategic situations, in which an individual’s success in making choices depends on the choices of others.”