Cappuccino Queen

Rest In Peace Baby Boy – The Courts Failed Us

On October 21, 2012 at 8:38pm my baby boy was officially pronounced dead.  I sit here typing and I am still in complete shock.  I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to write about, but tonight as I sit here I realize that baby boy needs me to tell his story – our story.  It is a tragic story.  It is a story about a guardian angel and his mama.  It is a story about the day I lost my little angel, my soul, and my reason to keep living.

8:30am Friday October 19th:

Baby boy had been running a fever and the night before his fever had spiked again causing another seizure.  I called the ambulance, per usual, and again was told that baby boy was fine and that Febrile Seizure are benign and that I should just take him into the doctors in the morning.

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Society Blames the Victim Instead of the Psychopath – I’m Sick of It!

I am not sure why I am still shocked when people choose to blame the psychopath’s victim.  I have heard that this is normal from others who have suffered from an encounter with psychopath, but I still get a bit shocked each time it happens to me.  From friends, to family, to the courts, to complete strangers – people seem to want to find something wrong with me to somehow better explain to themselves how I ended up being fooled by my psychopath ex.  It has been happening so long that sometimes I find myself wondering there is something wrong with me that made me ignore the red flags and believe the completely fantastic story he was telling me.

The Judgements:

Managing the Chess Game of Court Ordered Visitation with a Psychopath

I have blogged previously about the nightmare of a court order supervised exchange professional.  In the past two weeks, I have really started to wonder if I am dealing with two psychopaths instead of just one – my spath ex AND this court ordered supervisor.  It has become abundantly clear that this woman chooses to meddle and fuel drama on some occasions and then on others she decides she wants to remain “neutral”.  Today Luc (the spath ex and my sons unfortunately sperm donor) had another court ordered visitation.  (Note:  Luc hasn’t had a seven hour visit for a month and the last time my son ended up in the hospital)  The events that occurred at the drop off have me wondering about whether or not this woman isn’t just a “psychopath drama fueler” but a psychopath herself.

My Psychopath Sperm Donor Used My Child to Trap Me- It Backfired!

I grew up believing that no matter what happened – a woman’s role was to keep her Family together.  I believed that having a mother AND a father in the home together was the best scenario no matter what.  Clearly, this was before I met pure evil – my son’s sperm donor “Luc”.  While my family growing up was not perfect, the problems we suffered now seem as if they were “minor league” and life with Luc was like “major league” problems.  While I was in it, however, I remember fighting like hell, turning the other cheek, and making excuses in an attempt to convince myself that it was still possible for me to keep this “family” together so that my son could have two parents.

The handcuffs I created (and he exploited):

Defining My “Grey Rock” and Recognizing The Insignificance of The Psychopath Sperm Donor

I have heard a lot of people give advice about how the best way to get rid of a psychopath is to show him/her a “grey rock” of emotions.  While I understand that this means that I cannot let the psychopath see any emotion beyond that of an emotionless grey rock, putting this theory into practice has proved to be one of the hardest things to do.  I still believe I will have my moments, but it took an extreme situation for me to tap into what I needed to understand in order to achieve my own version of “grey rock”.

The “Extreme Situation”:

Baby boy had another rough 72 hours which landed him two more hospital visits.  We started out in the hospital a few days ago after he spiked another fever, had another seizure, and this time turned blue in the process.

The “Unsustainable Pseudo Co-Parenting” Phase of Custody with a Psychopath

In the past couple of weeks, I have come to realize that my Custody War with Luc (my sons sociopathic father) has entered a new phase – I’ll call this phase the “unsustainable pseudo co-parenting” phase.  The initial Custody Trial is over and our Family Law case has been closed.  No matter how bad the judge, lawyers, and supervised exchange professional all want us to go away, none of these people are going to be able to cure Luc of his psychopathy so “going away” is not going to happen.

In my post last week, I noted that my lawyer had suggested me and Luc get “Family Therapy” in order to learn how to communicate with each other.  I have thought a lot about this suggestion, and its clear and unabashed ridiculousness.  Here I thought that my attorney’s had gotten up close and personal, witnessed the crazy, and understood the depth of Luc’s disorder over the past year.  After suggesting that I sit in a room across from my own personal terrorist, however, it became clear that I had been in this fight alone and I was really nothing more than – a client.

The Danger of a Psychopathic Parent in a Medical Crisis

This past weekend, I learned some terribly difficult lessons.  I learned first hand how dangerous a Psychopathic parent can be during a medical emergency.  I also learned another reason that  “co-parenting” with a psychopath is not possible (because they have no intention to co-parent and have a reckless disregard for the law and, in turn, will disrespect Custody Orders).

During my ex spath Luc’s second unsupervised visitation with my baby boy, the supervisor for the exchanges called me about ten minutes before we were supposed to pick up baby boy from the visit and said, “Don’t freak out, but I just received a call from the hospital telling me that Luc brought baby boy in after baby boy had a seizure.”  Time seemed to stop as I sat there in complete shock.

The Beginning of Craziness:

Family Court Theater Presents: The Psychopath as “The Man Who Never Was”

Since the last round of my “Custody War” with Luc (my ex psychopath), I have thought a lot about the flaws in our legal system.  I run the events of the trials (“battles”) over and over in my head. I still can’t understand how such a disordered man like my ex can be allowed to have unsupervised access to a child.  I know it is not healthy to think about it so much, but I can’t help it when the thoughts creep into my head.  I keep trying to put my finger on why this process left me so incredibly disturbed.

Even after hearing disturbing testimony from several of Luc’s previous victims (who graciously agreed to testify against Luc during my Custody War), I couldn’t shake this feeling that I was looking at an empty human-like shell that slightly resembled the man I thought I loved.

The Analogy

Beware of the “Psychopath Drama Fueler”

Psychopaths are good at draining our finances and leaving us emotionally wrecked. Since I am still going through my custody battle (and likely will for a long time), I constantly think about ways I can make this experience less painful. Dealing with the aftermath of having a child with someone who has a personality disorder is traumatic.

If I have learned one lesson this past year its how important it is to find peace in this sea of chaos. Even after instituting as much “no contact” as is possible my child’s psychopathic parent, I have come to realize that there are people who like to fuel the drama of a psychopath for either entertainment or financial reasons. These people don’t necessarily have a personality disorder themselves, but they have their own personal motivations to keep the psychopath’s drama train on the tracks and headed right toward their victim.In the past year, I have learned many hard (and expensive) lessons. I wish I had known about these “Psychopath drama fuelers” before getting into my custody war with Luc because I would have tried to avoid them (at least to the degree that I could).

Family Court: A Psychopath’s Playground for Legally Sanctioned Abuse

As a young child, my parents always called me the “party police”.  I was the good girl who never liked to see people breaking the rules.  I never smoked, never drank underage, never did drugs, and never stole anything.  I grew up believing in justice and always believed that the courts and the police would protect me if and when I needed them.  That belief ended when I entered a custody war with Luc (my psychopath ex).

Going through a custody war with a sociopath will change the way you view the justice system.  In fact, most of my time in court with Luc felt more like an “injustice” system than anything that resembled justice.  The painful lessons I learned about how our system works rocked me to my core.