TRish in NJ gave you some good advice. See a professional and don’t let the executor know which one. That way he cannot get to that person to influence them. Be open and honest with them, tell them the entire history of this whole situation.

Also, dialoging with him/them online is not going to be productive. The best route by far is NO CONTACT. E mailing them or instant messaging or talking on the phone with a P only gives them satisfaction and you will never change their minds.

I hear the frustration and anger you are expressing. Sometimes it is difficult to function and plan quietly when it seems that “all the world is against you” and that you are backed into a corner. That is the time though, that you must keep your cool the most. Having dealt with several Ps intimately during my life, I know from experience that flying off the handle, having a temper tantrum, or becoming so angry you are “blind” is the wrong thing to do with these people. It makes you look “crazy” and then “sane”—it is called “crazymaking” and most of us fall for it at one time or another because they frustrate us so much.

No matter how true your story is, people won’t listen if you are not able to calmly tell them about it. Believe me I know this from experience, learned the hard way.

Plus, sometimes you just have to wait it out and the Ps will “shoot themselves in the foot”—

AGain, I suggest that you see a professional and be evaluated. Good luck and God Bless. Oxy

“you will not be able to prove it until you get another opinion by another professional.”

This is the frightening part, my love, (friendly expression I use to all females, no offense or harm intended) with me still involved, he could get at whatever professional I go for and influence them against me, like the first one, he must have been hired by the executor, it turned out really TERRIBLE, man!

“these sociopaths are good and they do try to make you look like the crazy, unstable person.”

And this is the kind of person my father innocently and unsuspectingly put into the position of being the executor to his estate, MAN, if he knew what I was going through right now, I bet he would be able to teach a bomb how to explode or teach a volcano how to erupt!

IT MOST CERTAINLY IS WAR, TRISH, AND I WANT MY STORY TO GO AS FAR AS POSSIBLE, REALLY!!!!

Unfortunately, the truly “sweet” and “trusting” people like your mother ENABLE these con-men to avoid the consequences of their own behavior. The parents and spouses and friends who continually bail these people out of financial and other tight spots which they repeatedly get back into are NOT DOING THESE PEOPLE ANY GOOD.

My sweet little grandmother who would never say a bad thing about anyone…if the family was talking about someone who had ax murdered his family, she would say “well, he was good to his dog”—her ENABLING of her own son, keeping him from getting the consequences of his own alocoholism, and even his violently attacking his sister who was 7 years younger, even from birth trying to smother her until she passed out (this went on for 7 years until his father finally caught him at it) was behaving in a way that was actually extremely poor behavior. The price of “peace at any price” is TOO HIGH.

It was difficult for a long time to see just how TOXIC the behavior of my sweet loving grandmother was. How dysfunctional. She had no bad intentions, of course, but she had grown up in a family where the alcoholic father would rage, and it was everyone’s job to “not set off daddy into a rage” and this was the behavior she learned. She continued it for the rest of her life. When she died, my mother assumed that “role” in the family of “PEACE AT ANY PRICE.” The person who did the bad behavior was NEVER CONFRONTED, only the people who tried to resist his behavior, who tried to call him to task for his behavior were PUNISHED for this rebellion against the “family script.” The pretence of “we’re a nice normal family.”

I have a palque that says “remember, everyone thinks we’re a nice normal family” and you know, that was my family’s unofficial motto. PRETENDING that everyone and everything was okay when it was FAR from okay.

The person filling the role of “family bad boy” was the only one who never suffered for his behavior—his parents suffered, his sister suffered, and his wife and kids suffered horribly at his abusive hands—but HE WAS NEVER CALLED TO TASK FOR HIS BEHAVIOR. What is wrong with this picture?

Even though my grandmother was a sweet and loving woman, she had NO idea how her “peace making” and “let’s pretend” behavior was painful to others. She made the peace, but they paid the price.

Years after the fact, she told my mother that the reason she didn’t protect her from her brother was that she was afraid that if their father knew and spanked the boy “that he might run away from home.” DUH! She let her son smother her daughter for 7 years rather than see that her son’s behavior was stopped because he “might run away from home?” (head shaking here) He engaged in this violent behavior against his sister for 7 long years.

The last time I saw my mother and I was trying to get the concept of “enabling” across to her I mentioned about him “strangling her” and she said “HE NEVER STRANGLED ME!” I asked her “Huh? I’ve heard you tell this story all my life!” Then she said, “Well, he did SMOTHER me by holding his hand over my nose and mouth til I passed out.”

How twisted is that!?! Like “strangling” and “smothering” are not the same thing. It really doesn’t matter if his hands were on her throat to cut off her breath or over her nose and mouth, the bottom line was, he kept her from getting air until she passed out.

As far as “more Ps in society than expected” I am not sure about that, I think it is “official” level of diagnosis of about 1-4% b ut the “almost there’s” are probably much more…but my family is filled with them. There is a genetic component, and on both sides of my family there are “wonderful examples” of Ps for GENERATIONS. All but a few appearing quite “normal” to the outside world. My mother is so into the enabling of my P-son who is in prison that I call her a P-by-proxy, for although she is not a P herself, she is so into the enabling and protecting the “family bad boy” in the name of “Christian charity” and “love” that she is willing to crucify anyone in the family that doesn’t go along with the “Peace at any price” policy of “family unity.” (Mainly me!)

Unfortunately this one back fired on her, and I am NC with her (I am an only child) and my two biiological sons, are her only grandsons—she already “dis’d” my adopted son because he “isn’t blood”—and the one son is in prison, I hope for his natural life, and now I just found out that my other biiological son has also decided to go NC with her because she is apparently still sending money to my son in prison (which will give him the resources he needs to try to reach out and harm us again).

So effectively, she is totally alone except for a nephew that is her power of attorney but visits her as little as possible because he also realizes how dysfunctional she is.

I didn’t really start to heal until I finally realized that I had to go NC with her as well. I do “speak” to her from time to time on BUSINESS only, as we are co-trustees for the family trust, but it is BUSINESS only, short and sweet. I grieved over that “lost relationship” as well, but after “losing” so many I think it gets easier with numbers, practice and time, it wasn’t the end of the world I had feared it would be. It actually feels quite natural and good…no drama.

Yes, Mam, Evil does exist in others—and if you don’t believe it, deal with a P.

You did GREAT! “I kept it short and polite” “I held my ground.”

That’s the spirit! Good for you!!!!

SET BOUNDARIES and stick to’em!!!!! I am so proud of you, see how “simple that was” LOL And you did nothing wrong! You averted a “tension convention” (Oh, I love that term!) and even if he thinks he is making you look like the “mean mommie” too bad. YOu are the mommie, and GOOD mommies make good decisions for their children and stick to them. If Bad Daddy tries to undermine them, you still stick by your good decisions.

Your son obviously is a sweet and smart little guy! I think he seems to be figuring out daddy’s tricks. Good for him too!

Glad things worked out, thanks for reporting back…”the RESTTTT of the story. Paul Harvey, Good Day.”

Very interesting! Thank you for sharing!

I was discussing healing with a woman once, victim of a P, and I was discussing my philosophy of healing, and she screamed at me, “I don’t need philosophy 101, just tell me how to HEAL!”

It reminded me of an episode years ago when I was doing diabetic teaching to a patient, diet, exercise, and other things (besides medication) that are THE treatment for diabetes, and she impatiently listened for a wihle, and then screamed at me, “Don’t give me all that crap, just give me enough insulin that I can eat what I want and control the blood sugar!”

Well, in either of these two instances there is no “easy” answer—healing is philosophy 101, it is psychology 101, it is medicine 101, it is spirituality 101…etc. it is all of these things, just like treating diabetes is diet 101 , is exercise, is medication 101, and it is healthy living 101…

I am a Christian in my beliefs, but to me “spirituality” doesn’t even mean that you have to believe in any god or any “higher power” even, but spirituality is in us all….what your beliefs are isn’t important, just that your spirit is involved. To me that is a very important part of healing…just as learning about psychology, and learning about ourselves, and the Ps, and learning what stress does to our physical health, and about brain function etc…so all of these things help us heal. Not just one aspect.

While we are individuals, still our experiences are so much alike, because we all got bitten by the same emotional snake, and the pain, little or great, fills us entirely. The recipies for healing are pretty much the same, with just a tweek here and a tweek there to meet our individual specifications. But, there is NO simple answer, and for some it takes more time than others. Thank you for sharing.

I’m sure the sociopath who almost destroyed my life is also very interested in this case. He used to read every book about cannibalism and I could only understand his interest when I found out about his double life. No, he was not a cannibal as long as I know! I think there are several levels of perversion, but he surely identified himself with it.

Now it seems perfectly plausible that his wife didn’t know about anything. I have been through emocional abuse and I know what it is to feel forbidden to talk about some issues. I know what it is to feel that I’m the one to blame for everything and be induced to believe that the S is perfect, a man of virtue and honor, whose weird ways hide only preciousness.

If she didn’t really know anything, she might have gone through the biggest shock of her life (I read somewhere that she has a heart problem now) and all her values and understanding of life might be lost as she would never think of such horrible things happening to her. Maybe that’s the shock all of us go through after the encounter with a sociopath (only if we find out about who they really are) and life is different after we find out how shallow and cold people who say they love us can be.

Then, if she really didn’t know anything and is going through this shock caused by the recognition of the evil, I think it would be of great help if Rosemarie Fritzl received an invitation to read this blog. Many of us here know about the unbelievable ability to manipulate that perverse people have and that is something that only victims and specialists (very often not even them) understand.

My prays with the girl who is in coma and with the ones who suffer with injustice in this world. I believe in justice from up above.

The law is very inept in these kinds of situations and trying to recover anything from them is probably futile.

I ignored my own rules when I didn’t look into his past and pooh-poohed several red flags. My advice to someone contemplating a relationship: research their history (courthouse records, business acquaintances, etc).