*huggles* ^_^ That...
Murder trials show range of abusive behavior
PDF Two women are dead, allegedly at the hands of their romantic partners. Both partners are currently on trial, and the cases were brought to my attention by Lovefraud readers. In the media accounts, I was struck by how these two cases illustrate a range of abusive behavior, from bumbling assault to possibly coldly calculated premeditated murder.
The first is the case of Yeardley Love, a University of Virginia lacrosse player who was found dead in her bed in the early hours of May 3, 2010. George Huguely V, also a lacrosse player, is charged in her murder.
The second case is that of Michelle Young, 29, of North Carolina. She was five months pregnant with her second child when she was found at home in a pool of blood on November 3, 2006. Her husband, Jason Young, is charged in the murder.
George Huguely V
George Huguely’s defense attorney, Fran Lawrence, admitted that Huguely played a role in the death of Yeardley Love. The trial is about determining whether Huguely intended to kill her, and the jury will begin deliberation on Wednesday.
ABC news reported the closing arguments in the trial:
“George played a role, but it’s overwhelmingly a tragedy,” Lawrence said, maintaining that there was no intent to kill. “He contributed to her death but he did not kill her. He left her there alive and that’s not up for dispute.”
He referred to Huguely as a “stupid drunk” and “boy athlete” who was not calculating or malicious. Lawrence said Huguely went to Love’s apartment to talk to her and to make up, not to kill her.
Still, the night of Love’s death, Huguely kicked in her bedroom door, left her in a pool of blood, and stole her laptop. But in a videotaped interview with police, he claimed he didn’t kill her. The interview was shown in court:
“I told her to chill out and I shook her a little bit,” he says during the interview. He then tells her that he wasn’t going to do anything to her.
Huguely then claimed that Love began to hit her head on the wall and he had told her to stop. Love was “freaking out. She kept banging her head against the wall, I was like … “stop!” he claimed.
He says that he never hit her, but then says that he took her by the arms and shoulders, but never strangled her.
“We were wrestling,” he told detectives. “I pushed her onto the bed and left.” He also said at one point that he held Love down on the floor to try to calm her down.
Of course, medical reports indicated that Love died of blunt force trauma to the head. Other testimony indicated that in February 2010, Huguely held Love in a chokehold, and later sent her a letter to apologize. And, when Love was with another man, he sent her an email that said, “I should have killed you.”
Huguely had a history of alcohol abuse, which is well documented. So while Huguely appears to be impulsive, violent and lying to justify what happened—does he really think people believe Love banged her own head against a wall?—he may not be cold, calculating and scheming. Not like the picture that emerged from the next case.
Jason Young
Michelle Young was found beaten to death in her home on November 3, 2006. Her then 2-year-old daughter, Cassidy, was also in the home, but unharmed. Although Jason Young was long suspected of the murder, he wasn’t arrested until December 2009. For background of the case, read:
Jason Young arrested for allegedly beating pregnant wife Michelle Young to death in North Carolina, on CBSNews.com.
Jason Young contended that he was out of town on business when the murder occurred. He never spoke to investigators. Prosecutors said he checked into a hotel in Virginia, drove 169 miles back to his home, beat his wife, drugged his daughter and then returned to Virginia to continue the business trip.
Although Jason Young admitted extramarital affairs, the case against him was circumstantial, and his trial ended in a hung jury in June of 2011. The prosecution is trying again to convict him. Read:
Second jury to hear Jason Young murder trial, on WRAL.com.
The trial was underway last week in Raleigh, North Carolina, and the local NBC station had a reporter who was live blogging from the courtroom. The testimony was riveting—and oh-so-familiar for people who understand the behavior of sociopaths.
Live blog: Michelle’s sorority sister details relationship with Jason Young. (To read in chronological order, scroll to the bottom of the blog entries.)
Genevieve Jacobs Cargol, who was once engaged to Jason Young, described how he had assaulted her.
“Something inside him snapped like I’ve never seen before,” she said. “He physically came after me to get the ring off of my finger…”
“He grabbed me by the arms and threw me onto the bed with such force that it stunned me. He grabbed my arm so tightly it left [marks] in shapes of his fingers.”
She said he pinned her and pulled on her arms so hard, “I felt my shoulders were going to pop out of my sockets.”
Michelle Money, who was Michelle Young’s sorority sister, described an affair with Jason Young.
Money and Jason had multiple conversations both before and after Michelle Young was killed. He spoke with her late on the night Michelle was murdered and again the next day.
Then there was the testimony of Ashley Palmatier, a day care worker who took care of Cassidy Young six days after the murder. The child had two dolls, and was using one doll to smash the “mommy doll.”
Jason Young live blog: Day care worker describes Cassidy reaction with dolls.
Palmatier said she was making the rounds at the day care, talking to the children, when she saw Cassidy had taken two dolls out of a bucket with about 10 dolls. One of the dolls was a female, with a brown pony tail, which she called “the mommy doll.” The other was an older woman doll with gray hair.
Cassidy, then 2, had the older woman doll in one hand with a small toy chair and was smashing the chair and older doll against the mommy doll.
“I had asked her the first time what she was doing. That’s when I noticed exactly what she was doing,” Palmatier testified.
“She began to say that mommy is getting a spanking for biting. And she also said that mommy has boo boos all over her.”
Jason Young admitted that he could be an “immature jerk,” and that he cheated on his wife. But he denied killing her.
The testimony from other women who were involved with Jason Young clearly shows that he exhibited sociopathic behavior. The murder of Michelle Young shows planning and premeditation. But will Jason Young be convicted? We’ll have to wait and see.
written by Donna Andersen • Permalink •
witsend says:
Hens,
I am like you in that I do occasionally have myself a pity party. Living alone can be lonely. And of course you never realize how it will be until you actually live in that lonliness day after day.
One of the things that I miss alot is that I really used to enjoy cooking for a family rather than cooking for one. It is hard to get excited about cooking for yourself for some reason?
But money has been really tight last few years so I do appreciate not having to spend so much for groceries!
I can relate to how you are feeling today. I have a huge pile of street brick that I dream about making a path in my garden. But I would need some help with the physical end of the project. And money is tight so I want it to be a do-it- yourself project…Not something I have to hire out. 10 years ago I did this same project by myself at my previous house. But today I realize that I am not physically able to do this without some help.
I am begining to wonder if some of what I am feeling when I have these waves of lonliness if some of it is not just feeling lonely but also mixed in with some feelings of not being as physically independent to do things ALONE as I used to be?
One of the greatest feelings about doing these projects on your own is that feeling of accomplishment when your done.
Am I missing that sense of accomplishment as well as that sense of lonliness in having to face doing so many things myself?
These are questions I have started to ask myself. They are hard questions to answer.
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Ox Drover says:
Hens, darling, didn’t mean to offend you, I was just teasing you! LOL And hey, you should know by now that whether my shiat is together or not depends on the day we are talking about. Some days it is, and some days it isn’t!
The reason I am still here at lovefraud is because I have to continue to learn and grow….
The old story about the Cherokee grandfather talking to his grandson and the grandson wants to know about the feelings of anger and the feelings of peace.
The grandfather tells him there are two wolves that live inside him, and one is anger and one is peace and they are constantly fighting….and the boy asks which one wins, and the grandfather says THE ONE YOU FEED.
I have to continually FEED my good wolf and try to starve the angry one…the one who would dwell on what I do NOT have. The one that would continually make me feel angry, bitter, mad, sad, vengeful.
I have to stop and SMELL the roses and the tiny wild flowers, and appreciate the fact I can see them and smell them.
The last two nights I went to a southern gospel quartet convention to hear the music, but I came away uplifted too. One of the musicians was a man barely 4 ft tall, with “brittle bone disease” and he was one hell of a musician and singer, and he and his wife made their living going from place to place singing. Living on a 40 ft bus.
One of the other groups that was scheduled to sing wasn’t able to because one of their members had a relapse of her breast cancer and was at home dying.
I looked around at the crowd and saw people on walkers and in wheel chairs with smiles on their faces and they were enjoying themselves, the fellowship and the music.
I came away from there feeling very very fortunate though I was still walking with a cane due to my injury on January Friday the 13th…it will heal…or maybe not…but whatever, I’m gonna do my best to feed the good wolf and to starve the bad one because I realize that I have SO MANY BLESSINGS and I need to remind myself that every day…cause if I don’t I’ll have a pity party thinking of lots of things I don’t have.
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MiLo says:
Witsend ~ Right about having NO IDEA when the kids are young, what a journey you will take.
I also notice that I can not accomplish the things I always did around the farm. And frankly, I get mad as he** about it. I DO NOT want to get old, and it is times like this when we can’t deny it.
Oh sorry Oxy, I posted my “getting old” pity party over your “feeling blessed” post. LOL I know what you mean though, just take a look around you and see how very lucky you are. (It’s still he** to get old)
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Ox Drover says:
Oh, Milo, yep I have ESPECIALLY been feeling “old” this last month or so with the injury to my Achilles tendon and the crutches and then the cane….for a while I had to have my son help me put my socks on as I couldn’t bend that foot and do it myself without screaming! LOL I guess if I had lived alone I would have had to go sockless….and I couldn’t drive either, couldn’t touch that foot to the gas peddle much less the brake peddle…oh, I felt so OLD and helpless. I don’t “do” helpless well either. I also HATE to walk S-L-O-W cause usually I walk “like a house afire” LOL
When I drop things the floor is SO FAR AWAY when I bend over to pick them up, and it is sooooo hard to get back up! LOL
I look in the mirror and I see my grandmother. And when I was scanning all those old photos I wondered who that pretty young woman was. OUCH. Oh, and I really did this, I was looking at a photo made of the entire family group when my husband’s grandson, his wife, her mother, and the kids came and I looked at the photo and I said “who is that fat old woman?” AND IT WAS ME!!!!!! I swear to you this is TRUE!!!!
So, no, getting old is not for sissies and I have to work on myself on a DAILY basis to not feel sorry for myself. I worked for years with head injured and spinal cord (paralyzed) injured patients and just being able to wipe your own nose or other parts is a BLESSING to these people, so I had some gratitude for my own ability to do these things, but now that they are getting harder to do, I tend to WHINE about it, if only to myself, cause I like being independent, doing my own thing, and like Hens, I want to move my own rail road tie…but I can’t any more, that’s just all there is to it, so I have to either hire it done or get son D or another friend to do it for me.
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Stargazer says:
Milo,
I feel more inclined just to be a big sis or mentor to a child because I don’t feel the need to always have it be about animals. I’d love to just take them to the beach or out for an ice cream or a walk once in a while. I also wouldn’t mind developing a one-on-one relationship with a child who doesn’t really have any stable, caring adults in their lives, like a “big sis.” I never had anyone like that when I was growing up, and it might have made a difference in my life.
I used to unofficially “mentor” disadvantaged children in my old neighborhood. They were ghetto kids, and some of them had parents who were never around or had dads who were shot in drug deals or some such. I used to just hang around with them, and take them to the park and roll down the hill with them, take them out for ice cream – just spend some time with them. Their parents were grateful to have a babysitter. Though I never wanted kids of my own, I really have felt my life was enhanced having them around. And they could have the experience of an adult who wasn’t yelling at them or being impatient and frustrated. I think it’s something that’s missing in my life not having any nieces or nephews or kids of my own. I hadn’t really thought much about it until I was at the museum yesterday. I had more fun with the kids than with my date, who was a stick in the mud.
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Stargazer says:
Oxy, I recommend getting a snake hook! They come in handy for reaching things up high and picking things off the floor when you can’t bend. Seriously!! lol
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Ox Drover says:
I do have a couple of those grabbers to get things down off high shelves. One in my office and one in the kitchen pantry. Cheaper than snake hooks.
They busted a guy the other day (according to my today’s newspaper) with $49 THOUSAND dollars worth of snakes, but are seizing them because he had venomous lizards and snakes that are on the endangered list.
Will these kind of “collectors” never learn?
(Report abusive comment)
Stargazer says:
Oxy, can you post a link? I would like to post it on my reptile site. I haven’t heard that story.
I personally don’t understand the desire to collect animals.
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Ox Drover says:
Star, I can’t find a link, I’ll go get the paper and give you the guy’s name maybe it will come up on google
Okay guys’s name is WALTER KIDD of Hendersonville NC
Oh, and I couldn’t find the article here on LF about Mary Jo Buttafuoco, but SHE GOT MARRIED
HERE IS THE LINK TO HER PHOTO
http://www.tmz.com/2012/02/26/.....ied-photo/
I am so happy for her and wish her EVERY HAPPINESS!!!!
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hens says:
Witty – Your right in line with me, I miss having family around, cooking – the whole nine yards…I miss when the boy’s were ‘ little ‘ and they thought I hung the moon..
A shrink once told me that ‘M’ the xspath bf was like a drop of rain in my dried up dessert..
And YES, it has so much to do with gettin older, past my prime, thinkin about dying alone…no one to hold my hand etc.. And yes somebody to lift the other side of the railroad tie with me, somebody to make a tuna salad sandwich for, somebody to crash on the couch with and watch the Oscars tonite…NO I aint cryin about it – my life is good – I can and Do look around and see how blessed I am – but dammit if I caint bitch here then I never get to bitch…life is good…
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Ox Drover says:
Dear Hens,
Darlin, you gave me a chuckle…if I can’t bitch here, then I never get to biatch! LOL Yea right! I find places though! LOL (((hugs)))
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witsend says:
Hens,
Our heads! Lol
You and I can both bit*h about it on Lf together….And we can also try and dodge Oxys skillet together….Lol.
If she is trying to get “both” of us with the skillet at the same time…..We have more of a chance that she will miss the target
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witsend says:
Oxy….
I love you! But not your skillet!
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Ox Drover says:
Witty and Hens, neither of you have needed the skillet in a lonnnnng time. I think over all you two have your sheet in one sock better than 99% of us! I’m probably worse about whining than either of you., I just do it INTERNALLY rather than where people can hear it. In fact, that INTERNAL WHINING is I think the worst “sin” in the world…having a pity party but being ashamed to let anyone else know about it. LOL
I guess that harks back to the family “motto” of “what would the neighbors think” LOL
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tobehappy says:
Ox…
I love the Cherokee philosophy…its so true.
Hens, did you get your fire going today? How were the wieners?
After my 2 mile walk…I decided to lay down for a bit. THREE hours later I woke up…tv blaring..my youngest playing the piano..my middle singing! lol
I can’t believe that I slept so long through all of the noise!
Well, when we go through a stressful time…it does take its physical toll!
So, I am just going “with it”…If I feel tired, my body is saying “rest”. No use draining my adrenals and drinking coffee to fight it. Gotta take care of our bodies!
A friend of mine’s wife…53 just found out she has pancreatic cancer…and the doctor told her to go enjoy the next 3 months!!!! OMG…They were married 35 yrs.
So…I’m pushing 55 and I swear, I am going to live for ME and take care of ME.
I would love to write a book for “new” parents to be….and explain how disappointing the whole deal can be. I now understand why people choose NOT to have children. Its a risk.
I taught 2 severely handicapped sisters…(like a death sentence to the parents…) and then their parents went for a third!!! THey named her “Faith” and she is healthy and normal.
However…the 2 older ones put the father (a dentist) in his early grave…(54)…and the mother looks 70!!
So, people should really know what a risk it is to make a choice to become a parent. I didn’t have mine until I was 37,39, and 40. Wow…I must have been crazy!!!! I KNEW for years that it was a lot of work and disappointments…from my friends and coworkers.
I must have had early dementia..lol!
Well, “2 out of 3 ain’t bad”….thankful that I have my other 2!!
WOW….we need to educate our young ones…BIG TIME!
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hens says:
2b – Yap I got my fire going, worked outside most of the day. I called my oldest son to see if I could borrow his table saw and he said he would bring it over, he spent a few hours with me, helped me pull out a tree wrapped around a fence post.. Enjoyed his company so much, just what I needed after my pity party earlier in the day..
2b – I am so sorry your daughter is a pain in the neck, but she still need’s to know she is loved.
I can not imagine my life without my son’s. I just need to let them be the independant men they are and stop feeling sorry for myself because they arent my little boys anymore..
The wiener’s are fine, they crashed on the couch with me and we watched the oscar’s…ain’t life grand…
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tobehappy says:
Hens….when you said that you were going outside with some “wieners” ..I thought you were going to grill hotdogs! LOL!!!
I forgot that you had dogs!! LOL!
Anyway, I’m glad you had a great day and your son showed up.
It’s ok to feel sorry for yourself. If we don’t ..who will?? lol
Yes, my daughter is really being hard on me. After storming out of here, and then writing terrible text messages to me…how I am ‘unfit’ and she ‘hates me’…she expects me to be nice to her.
Yes, she wrote me an apology letter (to manipulate me to let her have the car)…but, then yesterday, she was cold and callous in her emails…telling me how “stupid” I am about knowing the NJ laws…and being very arrogant and superior about how “smart” and knowledgable SHE is. They were awful.
I want to tell her that I love her..but it’s really hard. I want to tell her that I am here for her…but that’s really hard to after being called “bipolar” and “unfit” and how she is treating her sisters…who did nothing to her.
I was reading about “narcissistic personality disorder” and she fits the bill. I felt sorry for her, reading how they really are insecure and have a lot of “fear”, which makes them have to come across “superior”.
The sad part is that she is SO much like her father. I was told by a therapist that I cannot take what my xhusb/socio says ..personally…because he is just saying these things because he DOES feel inferior to me and that I need to change the way I react to him. I guess I need to change the way I am dealing with her…because she gets me angry and then I strike back with the same attitude.
NPD is very interesting but its very difficult to deal with someone with this disorder. I really need help with how to deal with her…because when I strike back,…I feel badly.
I feel like I am being so harsh on her…but how could I NOT be after how she is treating me?
I am not a robot. And, she hurts me.
I just keep thinking about the other side of her. When her b/f was away, she was a totally different b/f.
All I can do, is pray to God that he does move away and they break up…Then, and only then, do I feel that she will get back to herself.
She has been cold and callous since she started dating him. And HE is definitely a sociopath. Bad upbringing and genes.
Well, I am going to have to carry on and try to stay healthy and somewhat peaceful for my other girls…
Thanks Hen
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one/joy_step_at_a_time says:
2b sweetie, i know you are still processing what your daughter has turned out to be. it’s hard to recognize what their behaviour means about your life going forward.
my sister is an n. she treated me like crap my whole life. I didn’t know what she was until i found lf. and hadn’t talked to her for a few months before then, and maintain nc to this day.
I can’t imagine the pain of really staring into the face of your loss. your desire to show her compassion: ‘I want to tell her that I love her..but it’s really hard. I want to tell her that I am here for her…but that’s really hard to after being called “bipolar” and “unfit” and how she is treating her sisters…who did nothing to her,’ will end in nothing but more tears for you.
i am so sorry.
i suspect that one of the reasons you are seeing such bad behaviour from her is that the bf is now her supply, as is the woman she is living with. so understand that this is about devalue and discard, and if the bf leaves your potential role is supply. don’t wish that on yourself. there may be hope for her – i don’t know, but if she is an n, there really isn’t. she isn’t going to ‘get back to herself.’ she is showing who she is. what you are really talking about is her masking who she really is.
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hens says:
2B – Onestep give’s great insight as to what you have to look forward to with your daughter, don’t expect change unless you become her only option for supply.
I know how painful it can be when someone we love say’s cruel hurtful thing’s to us.
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tobehappy says:
Onestep…
Thank you so much for your support! I have had such anxiety all morning just trying to get out of the house. I finally logged on here and your post has helped me so much. I am still SO hurt about what she is doing to me…and then to say..”I hope you understand that I am not trying to harm you”..in that fake apology letter! Its just so shocking to me that she would ever devalue me and discard me like a piece of garbage. I am really trying to carry on and pushing myself to do things so that I can get over this whole thing. Thank you for your words..they give me strength.
If she only knew how hurt I feel. But, I won’t tell her…she would only ignore me and probably say to herself..”good”. It doesn’t help that the b/f despises me for telling him that he cannot stay overnight. I didn’t even say it in a mean way..which I should have. I just told him that I can’t have this anymore. HE is such a sociopath. He is turning her against me more. I just know it because a few months ago..when she got upset with me..she went to him and he told her I am “mentally ill” and need help and she was going to call CPS. I told her to call and we will lose everything. Her next text was..”I’m sorry mommy, I love you and I will break up with him right now…I love my family.” Now, I never even mentioned HIM! So, where did THAT come from?
I think she was torn between him and her family. Since he doesn’t like me or my other two daughters…she may feel torn. If she doesn’t go along with HIS disdain for us…she will lose him. So ..this time…she hates her family.
Hens…My D …before she left home…dug into me at the doctor’s office too. She told me to stop looking in the mirror I was looking in to fix my lipstick. She said..”Face it..your’e old and ugly”. Then she put me down more..my hair..my body. It was shocking. She looked like a ‘devil’ sitting there laughing at me and knocking me SO badly. Then when we were riding home…and I asked her if her b/f could possibly pick her up tonite instead of using my car….She flipped and told me..”You are bipolar and when I’m 18 I am never going to see you again…” and then she went to jump out of my car as we were moving! Its been a nightmare since.
Then she left and the text messages saying that she doesn’t NEED me…all of her NEEDS are met…and I am “unfit” mother…just shows that she only wants me if I can supply her needs. So, now she wants my uncle to buy her a car. She NEEDS my permission…so she contacts me!
Well, yesterday, I wrote her back and told her that “Obviously you only contact me when you want something. And, no, I will not allow you to have a car now..because I am protected you and myself” ..and I will no longer go back and forth with this issue.
So, now, she didn’t email me that she went to school today as she usually does and probably won’t contact me for a few days.
This time…I will NOT text the neighbor asking where she is.
I am letting her go. Onestep is right…she will only come back to me when her “supply” isn’t there anymore. She used me enough. I’m done.
Thanks so much for the much needed support.
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Stargazer says:
Hens, I think I read it here somewhere that a well-timed “What do you mean by that?” can take the wind out of a person’s sails who is attacking you.
If someone made a barb to me like that in a group or even one on one, I would not let it go unnoticed.
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tobehappy says:
Star….
GREAT reminder!
I will be seeing my therapist this week at the Domestic Violence center. I AM being abused by my D and I am not taking it well.
It reminds me SO much of being with her dad. He was exactly the same…called me ‘incompetent’ and ‘unfit’ mother and wife…he DEVALUED me so badly and she is doing the same!
I NEED professional help because I AM having trouble dealing with it. I am going to go NC with her from now on…not even responding to her emails for things she wants! I only get myself more upset as she continues to abuse me verbally with her superior attitude and her demeaning hurtful remarks.
And NO, she is not getting a thing from me! NO phone…I shut that off last week if you recall. NO car…and I am not going to even worry if she doesn’t contact me anymore. As long as I know she is going to school everyday…I am done with the contact with her.
I don’t think its ever going to change. Once she is 18, she will never talk to me, as she said. But, when she needs me to sign papers for college..she is ON her own. I’m done with her using me.
The only way that she will ever have a chance to repair her r/s with her family..her sisters and me…is if that socio dumps her again. Then she will come running back to me for supply. She isn’t going to be welcome.
I don’t care if she’s my daughter. She is abusing me. And, I won’t let her use me or abuse me anymore. The less I hear from her from now on in..the better.
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one/joy_step_at_a_time says:
2be – ‘If she only knew how hurt I feel. no, that wouldn’t help. narcissists figure everything that has ever happened has happened TO THEM. they just don’t hear another’s pain 2b. My whole family was badly affected by a serious car accident that my mom had in the late 60′s. mom was seriously injured and never really recovered. it was really really horrible. my sib still acts like it happened TO her, that it was done on purpose to upset her, and spoil her plans. she can hold a grudge like nobody’s business (n injury).
don’t sue anyone if they give her a car, unless you can be held accountable in some way. just don’t help her and don’t hinder her – disengage. it’s going to take time and more tries to do so.
you owe her nothing. she is abusive. give her nothing to feed on – nothing positive, nothing negative, just nothing.
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one/joy_step_at_a_time says:
ah star, yes, the old, ‘what do you mean by that’. hadn’t seen that in a while and it made me smile.
i have been speding time grieving the passing of my mr. grey (many years ago) i had his pictures out and really worked on feeling the love and pride i felt in him and noting feeling the horror of his protracted illness and how much that wrecked me. i feel so guilty that i could not save him and that i got tired and emotionally worn out dealing with it. but, it appears i do have limits.
and he was my lovely beauty.
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hens says:
1steprs – there’s nothing wrong with mourning the loss of a pet no matter how long ago it was..
I had my Willie put down when he went blind, I was under alot of stress, had to move and he was so unhappy that he didnt know where he was in the new place, he kept getting lost and hurt, couldnt find the pet door at the new house and peed on the floor and he would never have done that at his old home…he was actually very healthy other than going blind..if I had not been stressed ( because I had to move far away from my N mother ) perhaps I could of found a way to deal with him…i will always feel guilty for putting him down….and I still mourn Harley…
1stepr’s I so wish you could get a Mr.Grey Jr….hugs to you and Mr. Grey loves you…I can hear him purring…
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skylar says:
Hens and onestep,
I’d rather think for 10 years about the dozen spaths that wanted me dead rather than think about 1 of my many kitties and puppies whose death I endured – even for one day.
I can’t take it. a spath’s betrayal is nothing compared to the death of a pet. 3 of mine have died since the spath exodus.
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hens says:
sky ,
You need to take off your Spathinator suit occasionally..
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skylar says:
Hens,
it’s just so hard. The little ones are innocent and they only love. They shouldn’t have to suffer. I can reconcile with a person suffering, but not with a cat or a dog. How does an animal gain from suffering? A person can find meaning, but how does an animal?
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one/joy_step_at_a_time says:
Hens, Thank you for your support. I decided to go back to the support site I was a part of when I put him down. I made my first post tonight. much greivin’ to do.
(((Sky – I concur with hens about your suit. Your challenge, besides understanding the spathy creatures, is to feel. Kitty grief is one hell of a good ‘gateway’.)))
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Stargazer says:
Right there with you, brothers and sisters. I woke up in the middle of the night, cuddled my cat’s ashes, and begged her to come back. When my eyes were finally swollen from sobs, I put the urn down and went to sleep. I miss her terribly. As the days go on, the reality sinks in more and more that she is never coming back.
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hens says:
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one/joy_step_at_a_time says:
star, i think that in some way it is still sinking in that my boy is never coming back. and maybe in some way he has never left me and never will. i miss him terribly.
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tobehappy says:
Onejoy…
I just got to read your post to me. Thank you. You are so right.
I had a bad day on Monday. It was Feb 27..the day I conceived my first child..my D…that is now a nightmare.
She texted me that she was “home” (at neighbors house) the other night. I texted her back and told her it was the day I conceived her…and “I love you”. I was crying that day about the whole situation.
Well,…I got no response until today when she NEEDS me to get her birth control pills refilled. (which they won’t do until she sees the doctor again! So…she will be off of them for a month..ugh)
And…she told me that she coming home for her clothes.
She is REALLY upset that I won’t let the uncle buy her a car. But, too bad. She has no phone..no car…no room….all because of her nasty remarks and cold attitude.
I really don’t want her in my car to bring her for her appt. But, I have to sign papers. I am afraid she will jump out of the car. Maybe I can have her meet me there..
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one/joy_step_at_a_time says:
2b – oh girl it is hard to keep all that love in, isn’t it? you will over time, realize that she will only use it to hurt you, and become more self protective.
what i did with my dad is separate who i thought he was and who i cared for when i was young, from who he is now. over time, i am becoming more accepting of who i realize he really is, but this method helped a lot. he had a lot of qualities that i loved, and he is my link to my past and our family’s past – and that has a lot of meaning to me. i mourn those losses. and i will find a way to reconnect with a sense of lineage that doesn’t involve him. At this point, i just wish he were dead.
I think your idea of her meeting you there is best – it IS self protective.
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