LOVEFRAUD TO THE NEXT LEVEL: Please join the movement
PDF Last week I spoke to a Lovefraud reader who, like most of us, had a terrible run-in with a sociopath. She’d learned the hard way about these human predators, and wanted to warn others about them. She was thinking about making a YouTube video, and asked what I thought of the idea.
Although I applaud this reader’s desire to educate the public, I think it’s very difficult for one person with one YouTube video to raise awareness about sociopaths. Back in 2009, it was estimated that there were 120 million videos on YouTube. According to YouTube’s fact sheet, 24 hours of video are uploaded to the site every minute. It’s easy to get lost among all that content.
Still, I agree with the woman’s objective—that’s why I founded Lovefraud.com. That’s why I wrote my book, Love Fraud — How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan.
I believe that raising awareness of sociopaths is one of the best things we can do to improve our world. Sociopaths are probably responsible for most of the ills in our society: crime, violence, neglect, abuse. Sociopaths with political power start wars. Sociopaths with economic power exploit workers, defile the environment, ruin companies and defraud customers and shareholders. Sociopathic parents cause untold pain for their children. Sociopaths who portray themselves as religious leaders cause incredible spiritual damage. The ways in which they wreak havoc appear to be limitless.
We know this, because we’ve lived it. But millions of other people are still clueless, which means they are ripe to be victimized. To solve the problem, like-minded people need to work together.
Lovefraud goals
When I launched Lovefraud in 2005, my goal was to educate people about sociopaths so they could avoid being ripped off financially, like I was. Since then, however, I’ve learned from all of you that the problem of sociopaths is much bigger than I originally realized. I learned about the travesties that go on in family courts. I learned about victims suffering from PTSD, and murder by suicide.
It’s time to shine a bright light on this disorder. These people are causing way too much pain.
Today, I am asking you to join this effort.
I have a lot of goals for Lovefraud. Here are some of them:
1. More books. Based on what I hear from you, I have a list of about 20 books that need to be written. One that I’d like to start soon is about the signs that you’re dating a sociopath. Next is a book about recovering from a sociopath. Much of what needs to be said is already in Lovefraud Blog articles and comments. It just needs to be packaged in an easily accessible way.
2. High school education program. Dr. Liane Leedom and I are laying the groundwork for a program to be offered in high schools. It will have two components. We will present programs to high school students on sociopaths, including information on bullying and dating violence. We anticipate that after hearing our information, some students will realize that they are involved in situations like we describe. So we’ll also educate guidance counselors and staff about what to do if students approach them with problems.
3. Charitable foundation. Sociopaths routinely wipe out their victims financially. I’ve seen so many heartbreaking stories on Lovefraud, and, from time to time, readers wanting to take up a collection to help. I agree. We should do this. But it needs to be done carefully, with a way to make sure that requests for assistance are legitimate. After all, sociopaths live by the pity play, and the ultimate despicable irony would be donations from Lovefraud members going to support con artists.
4. Professional development. Unfortunately, many therapists, lawyers, judges and other professionals who deal with the fallout from sociopaths do not understand what is really happening. Countless readers have told me that they’ve gone for counseling, and the counselor had no idea of what they were talking about. After her experience, Dr. Liane Leedom felt that her training about sociopaths was inadequate, and she attended some of the best medical schools in the nation.
5. Con artist database. Readers are always asking to post information about the sociopaths who victimized them, hoping to prevent others from being conned. I want to do this. In my opinion, exposure is the only approach in dealing with sociopaths that really works. I’ve heard from quite a few people who have Googled someone they were involved with, found them profiled on our True Lovefraud Stories, and ended the relationship. Lovefraud needs a con artist database. This initiative, however, will be expensive, and I’m not sure which will cost more—the technology or the legal fees.
Lovefraud to the Next Level
So how, exactly, will Lovefraud accomplish these goals? The keys are awareness and sustainability.
Awareness means getting the word out: Sociopaths exist. Here are the warning signs. If you see them, get out.
You can help build awareness on a grassroots level, and in upcoming articles, I’ll tell you how.
Sustainability means making Lovefraud financially viable—right now, it is not. Funding Lovefraud has cost my wonderful new husband, Terry Kelly, and me about $85,000. As you all know, my sociopathic ex wiped me out, and I’m still not out of the financial woods, so coming up with that money was difficult. Terry and I believe in Lovefraud, so we did it. But we can’t keep doing it.
If you want to help keep Lovefraud going, the fastest and easiest way to do it is to buy a copy of my book in the Lovefraud Store.
This post launches a new series called, “Lovefraud to the Next Level.” In upcoming articles, I’ll ask you to join me in raising awareness, in educating the public, in helping victims become survivors. I want Lovefraud to become more than a website. I want it to become a movement.
There’s so much to do. Please join me in taking Lovefraud to the Next Level.
written by Donna Andersen • Permalink •
SeeingClearly says:
Good Evening All. I know it’s late and many of you on the East Coast have probably already retired for the evening, however, I want all of you to know that I am serious about my offer (Go to Donna’s new posting) and contribute what you can (Please do not post the amount) I do not want anyone to feel intimadated or pressured to give. Jesus said that the poor widows pence is more than the treasures of the rich simply because she gave out of love and not grudgingly.
One voice is weak and can be ignored but a choir cannot be.Let’s find our voice and make a joyous sound.
Stay Strong, Stay Safe and Stay Sane. Thank you for your time. Seeing Clearly Now
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one_step_at_a_time says:
czarinamom, do you know about sites like ‘dontdatehimgirl’? I think more and more women are using sites like that to warn others of people on dating sites. Check them out.
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SeeingClearly says:
One Step, I checked out the site and many others like it—There has got to be away to gather all these people together for a forum. SS SS SS Seeing Clearly
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one_step_at_a_time says:
seeingclearly – all the spaths or the spathed?
it’s good that sites like don’t date him girl exist – wouldn’t have helped me though, since my ‘date’ didn’t really exist – made up by the spath, pictures stolen from other people, voiced changed, etc. maybe we need a ‘forum of the disordered’…’These people display the following traits: grandiosity, apparent lack of empathy, apparent lack of conscience, etc. I am sure there would be a way to do it legally. The woman who owns date date him girl has been sued, but she won. There must be ways to do it.
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SeeingClearly says:
Dear One Step
The thing is you need to know it even exsit. I didn’t until it was mentioned here.
The forum should be like a call to arms for all the sites to at least promote oneantother. The more info that can be gathered the better.
Perhaps put some banners on sites that are visited like Match.com or Chem? I’m just throwing out ideas. Everyone can have an input here. There is no such thing as a silly or dumb idea. All you have to do for proof of that is turn your TV on. LOL
Let’s hear some ideas. Thanks,
Stay Strong Stay Safe and STay Sane….I am Seeing Clearly
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Findingmyself says:
sadly, prior to this relationship, I never would have gone searching for a site like that until AFTER. I like the banner idea on the dating sites though!
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IMconfused says:
Oprah would offer wonderful exposure.
Time is of the essence because this will be her final season!
There’s power in numbers. How about drafting a “request petitio” that each of us can send to the Oprah show?
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czarinamom says:
Hi one_step_at_a_time:
I have posted him on there – but honestly, not sure if it will do any good. He is such an evil person, when he was ill because of an injury at his job – I took him in, fed him, took him to the hospital for surgery, took vacation time to nurse him back and all the time he was on an internet porno site with pictures of himself taken in my home! He said my place was nicer than his. There must be a place to post names without issues of a possible lawsuit that could happen. This guy even lied to the US Government – he is a truck driver and has an eye problem which is an issue for his CDL license – he forged paperwork and sent it to Washington, DC. I actually found out about this and sent a fax to the DOT in DC to warn them and to have him prove what he sent – he could not. So if this guy can lie to the US Govt – how low do you think he will go to lie to a woman? It’s bad when you Google a persons name and the only thing that comes up is that he lied to a US Govt agency.
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one_step_at_a_time says:
czarinamom- so, what do we do when we have done what we can? it’s saddening and frustrating that we can’t do more. my own spath accuses the people who expose her of being stalkers – ad naseum. and googling her will get you a nightmare sideshow of many of the cons she has pulled, but she operates in cyberspace, and creates fake characters, so people know her by her stories, and not by the photos she steals to represent her.
You did something very important – you stopped one part of his con and gave him a negative online presence – so many of us do not think to look, but when we do, having info available is what can save us. the moment i found the info about the spath i knew it was her, and i am forever grateful to the people who have posted it, and who continue to post her ongoing exploits. she is all over the net doing her crap – but those exposing her are doing a pretty good job these days of exposing her further – because of everything posted on the net.
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czarinamom says:
Hi, one_step_at_a_time.
Thank you for the encouraging words – I never thought of it that way. You have made my day.
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JohnZane says:
I think the biggest obstacles to warning people about sociopaths are:
1) They are popular characters on TV blockbusters, such as Family Guy, the Simpsons, and All American Dad. Basically anything from American comedy writers include psychopathic humor. Dare to criticize them, and you’ll be labeled a humorless crank.
2) People enjoy watching psychos the way they enjoy a good fight. Do you really intend on going up against the likes of Montel Williams, Jerry Springer, and the network dictators?
3) People resent you for implicating them in the discussion, even if you are not.
I find the only reason the subject comes up is because I attract psychos and their supplicants, and I’m not afraid to out them, after a few pints. I prefer to call them angry alcoholics, addicts, sluts, bitches, blokes, drug dealers, cougars, wusses, twinks, bears, and dirty old men.
Just when you think you’ve rid yourself of them, they turn up among your friends, tagging along.
And yes, some of them have played the pity game on me, rather than pay for their own drinks, or the taxi home. I could easily put them in harm’s way, for laughs, or comeuppance, or revenge, or to teach them a lesson, but I graciously excuse myself, and bow out.
I am not my brother’s keeper. I want to believe that there, but for the grace of God, go I. I believe laughter is the correct response to irony, and nothing is funnier than the know-it-all who steps in dog poo.
I laugh at myself often enough, and find forgiveness. It’s better than being alone when you don’t want to be.
I think you are underestimating the sheer volume of knowledge we already have about sociopaths, and like myself, wish people would heed the warnings, and suspend their disbelief. But love eventually makes fools of us all, and that, my dear, is the rub.
Keep fighting the good fights, and post them on Facebook. Oprah will notice, soon enough.
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jazzy129 says:
JohnZane, your take of the cartoon characters on prime time tv was very interesting. I am a big cartoon fan…Spongebob, Venture Brothers, Boondocks.
I still like the Simpsons, but Family Guy and American Dad rubbed me the wrong way but I never stopped to analyze why. I mean, I knew that I found them disturbing and irritating, but I never realized why I so disliked the main characters.
Oh course! They are sociopaths!
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jazzy129 says:
Goodness…my grammar and spelling are particularly awful this morning! Need more coffee.
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soimnotthecrazee1 says:
Jazzy,
I don’t think any of us are concerned about spelling or grammar as long as you don’t post in chinese that we can’t read. LOLOLOL!
ntcrzee
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soimnotthecrazee1 says:
JohnZ:
I will have to watch the cartoons and see if i pick up on that! My xspath is such the pervert that he pointed out on one of those cartoons that their faces are made out of “private parts”! OMG! out of a 45 yrold grown man!!!
soimnottherazee!
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Ox Drover says:
John,
Most humor is built on the pain of others—who better to inflict the pain on the “others” than a psychopath.
Comedy film: We watch the banana peel, we see the man walking, reading his book, we know he is going to be stepping on the banana peel, we look at the banana peel, and sure enough, he steps on the banana peel and falls, breaking his leg and WE LAUGH.
Humor/Jokes: all about someone’s pain, embarrassment or injury, or stereo-typing groups or individuals. The Sven and Ollie jokes, the red neck jokes, the tight wad jokes (Jewish and Scots) and so on, (you name the group, there are named stereo-types with jokes to match)
I even know one about an OX Drover from Maine who couldn’t tell his oxen apart, so he cut the tail switch off one, but it grew back, and he did this and that, and it didn’t work, FINALLY he decided to MEASURE THEM, and realized that the BLACK OX was 1 inch TALLER than the WHITE Ox. ha ha ha
Plus, my husband was an engineer, so I know ALL the “engineers are stupid” jokes. My best friend is a natural blond so I know pretty much all the “blonds are dumb” jokes as well.
Humans also laugh at some pretty serious situations as well…I’ve been there and done that and seen it done in more than one life threatening situations.
I’m glad that you don’t let the psychopaths and the dysfunctional ones bother you too much and that you can stand up to them…the problem is with that, though, THEY never get it and standing up to them (as long as you continue to associate with them) doesn’t improve them much, and it DOES in many cases pith them off…I think I’ll just AVOID them when I see what they are, staying completely away from them works for me.
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