RESOURCE PERSPECTIVES: When what you give is squandered
PDF Editor’s Note: Resource Perspectives features articles written by members of Lovefraud’s Professional Resources Guide.
Re-thinking identity as a giver when giving too much can hurt
By Fannie LeFlore, MS,LPC,CADC-D
Fannie LeFlore profile in the Lovefraud Professional Resources Guide
If you’ve been victimized by someone, chances are the positive qualities you possess were viewed as an opportunity to take advantage of you – often by someone who lacks caring and concern, consciousness or character, usually in combination.
Being un-thoughtful and even callous in our stressed, hurried and often competitive and conflict-oriented society can become as easy as brushing one’s teeth. Taking time to listen or give comfort to another requires the kind of care and empathy that many good people demonstrate routinely, but later question the value of these qualities in the aftermath of being targeted, left confused or possibly devastated by an encounter with a sociopath.
If you’ve taken pride in being a decent, ethical, loving, conscientious and considerate individual, chances are you never contemplated in depth that dire consequences could result from being a giver – whether giving others the benefit of doubt or money, or otherwise offering a helping hand.
As someone inclined to give, you’ve likely taken pride in but rarely considered the costs in a world with many different people who have different motives and operate from different values and perspectives. Due to ignorance and ill will, toxic people generally view kindness as weakness — even though it actually is a strength.
People who embody empathy, who are accustomed to giving and sharing positive qualities with others in personal and professional relationships, may be tempted to turn away from these strengths after a bad experience or series of negative life-changing events. Instead, refining these positive traits throughout life — by challenging assumptions and setting boundaries — is a more productive approach for avoiding ongoing victimization, rather than taking a simplistic, cynical and bitter stance that inherently deflates the good and dismisses the beauty of life.
When you’ve been a giver in relationship with someone who feels entitled, you learn through painful experience that what you give can be taken for granted and squandered. It can be turned against you by toxic people who call what is good bad and what is bad good. It can become difficult to know how to balance innate empathy and also maintain a sense of well-being when another person or others around you are always ready to take or even exploit what you value in yourself.
Obligation to give
If you grew up influenced by Christian teachings, you’ve heard that it’s better to give than to receive. Others may have advised that you shouldn’t expect blessings to sprout from people you assist through investments of time and energy, because reciprocation or appreciation is likely to come from elsewhere. There’s also an embedded belief that, “To whom much is given, much is expected.” This can be interpreted to mean if you are financially well-off, have an abundance of understanding, intelligence, empathy and valuable experiences, you should willingly help and share your resources and resourcefulness with others whether they deserve it or not.
When taken to extremes, these and other admonitions can set people up for exploitive and abusive relationships, not just with sociopaths but with a garden variety of users and abusers, takers and fakers.
You might feel obligated to be more of a giver because you’re been trained from childhood for this role, and it’s habitual. You may feel guilty saying no to requests from even people who do not deserve your time or loyalty. You may tolerate extremely toxic situations and try to improve them single-handedly since people expect you to problem-solve while they go their merry way engaging in other activities or distractions. If you’ve complied so much that you no longer feel you have a right to object, or fear resentment from others if you attempt to change the circumstances with takers who willingly absorb all that you offer and yet are ungrateful, you are likely to become unfulfilled and depleted.
Boundaries are key
The best way to avoid being victimized again, even if you choose to continue giving, is to develop a more balanced approach by becoming more open to receiving and giving, and by practicing boundaries that become as routine and natural as brushing your teeth.
Boundaries involve defining what is and is not okay for you. You need to be flexible at times and rigid at times, even though practicing boundaries can become difficult since each situation may require a different response and different people may require a different approach. Some people, as the late author M. Scott Peck has written, can be invited into your kitchen to sit down and eat, while others should not be allowed past your front door. Among ways to determine this is whether the person you’re dealing with lacks boundaries himself, or whether she demonstrates respect for your concerns and needs without requiring constant vigilance and reminders.
Since we cannot control what others choose to do, the most important component is to re-think our own identity, which will allow changes for developing new boundaries and maintaining both self-awareness and integrity as life unfolds. Whether you take a lot more than you give or give a lot more than you take, it’s crucial to ask why and make a conscious effort for more balance. Too much giving or taking create problems when relating to others or seeking personal happiness. A proper amount of both give and take promotes less stressful and healthier living, according to various research on psychological and social well-being.
Out of balance
A very self-centered partner, friend or family member is likely to accuse you of engaging in tit-for-tat when you start expecting them to give back. They might say that what they receive from you is something they’re entitled to, or that you voluntarily offer what they gladly accept.
Over time, the erosion of your energy from takers and fakers, users and abusers, can make you feel so out of balance that your life feels less about your needs than catering to others – whether it’s what they want, what they expect or what they think you should do. This essentially is what feeling victimized amounts to: Somebody takes all you give and leaves you with little to nothing, or feeling used or abused.
Often, when you keep giving so much of yourself, it’s not simply to please and make others happy. Underlying factors also reflect a lack of self-awareness about your own needs, lack of honesty about what you really feel, not believing that you deserve things you want, and a lack of clarity about your own boundaries.
Time to change
When you’ve been burned in personal and professional relationships by users and abusers, takers and fakers, you’d be doing a disservice to yourself if you didn’t change. There are in fact toxic people and situations in life that do not serve your best interests. Even if the new knowledge feels threatening, it forces you to challenge previous assumptions. It demands understanding that a sense of personal safety and security can no longer depend on a just world theory or be based on whether you are considered a decent person or not.
Re-thinking the foundations of your identity as a giver require giving yourself permission to seek a more balanced approach in how you relate to not just others but yourself as well.
If you’re in conflict over past assumptions about what it means to be good, a giver, it’s important to redefine yourself – without needing permission from others. Making adjustments in your identity requires integrating new lessons for renewal of self-awareness. What others from your past told you, and how they defined you, needs to be challenged, despite hoping for understanding or wanting approval from others.
Own your reality
Start by owning, without apology, your present realities. You may have enjoyed accolades and other benefits from being viewed as primarily unselfish or a giver, but these roles may no longer fit. You may no longer have the same level of energy, time, money and other resources to share with family, friends and significant others. Even if you do, you have a right to change how you handle things when being a primary giver no longer works well for you. You have limitations and needs like others, or maybe you simply want something different in relationships, including more reciprocity.
While you share commonalities, you also are separate and so are others. You are different and so are others. To assume that someone else thinks and feels exactly how you do is a set-up for assumptions and coming to inaccurate conclusions. That’s why questions are important for clarification, since one person’s meaning may vary from another’s. Seeking clarification also helps us get a better picture of where others are coming from and, coupled with their actions, can provide clues about whether someone is more a giver, taker or combination of both.
Questions to ask yourself
Ask yourself these kinds of questions: Who says a good person or someone who considers herself a giver has to always give? Who says you shouldn’t challenge others’ perceptions of you, especially when they attempt to manipulate you in being someone they can take advantage of? Who says you have to be predictable in every way to prove to others they can trust you? Who says being loveable requires you to behave with consistency – as in (fill in the blank) would never do that, such as saying no? Who says you’re being phony if you don’t always agree with what others expect of you? Who says that someone who gives also should never receive anything back from those whom she gives to?
Here are some approaches to prevent feeling victimized or otherwise overwhelmed by potential takers and toxics:
- Tell them that if they have expectations of you, you’ll have expectations of them.
- If they hint about something, don’t focus on drawing them out. Let them find courage to ask directly for what they want from you.
- Practice saying no more often, especially when someone has become overly needy and doesn’t know when to stop asking for help or favors from you.
Enforcing boundaries
Be prepared for what can happen when you start enforcing boundaries. Some people will no longer like you, nor want to interact with you as much. Learn to be okay with this. Embrace that you have a right to take care of yourself, redefine yourself and decide what is okay for you. You can determine when and what to give of your time, attention, money and other positive qualities and resources.
Keep in mind that whenever an individual no longer wants to deal with you because you’ve set boundaries, it is indicative of progress because you no longer have to engage in wasted time and energy. If someone cannot tolerate you saying no once in a while – despite knowing that you are cooperative and supportive otherwise – it’s likely they had their own agenda and less interest in reciprocation or other mutual benefit anyway.
Ask yourself what are you really losing? Remind yourself that your positive qualities have value. Just as you can appreciate good things about others, what you offer should not be viewed as license to exploit, devalue or take for granted. And if someone else chooses to view things otherwise, your evolving boundaries will make it possible for you not to participate in their distorted perspectives.
About the author: Fannie LeFlore, MS, LPC, CADC-D is an Entrepreneur, Journalist and Licensed Professional Counselor. These combined career areas are the foundation of the expertise and quality professional services provided by LeFlore Communications, LLC in Milwaukee, Wis. Areas of Expertise: Communication Skills, Codependency Issues, Counseling of Diverse Populations, Crisis Intervention, Abusive Relationships, Sociopathy and Narcissistic Personality Disorder, General Mental Health and Alcohol and Other Drug Abuse Issues. Fannie also was Co-writer/Editor of The Road Less Traveled and Beyond by M. Scott Peck, MD.
written by Lovefraud Reader • Permalink •
henry says:
star i wish i had your email i would send you an email I have about a dead snake in florida -ask oxy about it.. hello stargazer how ya doing? my xspath was terrified of snakes -
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OxDrover says:
Dear Star,
“Life of celibacy”—how cruel you are to those poor snakes. Taking away their chance to reproduce. Poor babies. Actually I sent my “household gods” to the vet and let him take out their equipment. The only thing around this Monestary now that gets any fun are the cows and the horses, even the donkeys got neutered!
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henry says:
blow up sex doll? doesnt talk? not a bad idea.
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OxDrover says:
Star, trust me, Henry is BAAAAD!
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Stargazer says:
Henry (I see you changed your name back just to confuse the old people *me* LOL!), did you ever plant the stargazer lilies?
Guys, spaths are OMNIsexual. They will have sex with anything. Does that about sum it up?
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OxDrover says:
They had a deal on TV the other night about a $7,000 blow up sex doll that TALKED and had warm skin and it wiggled, and it was the upgrade from the $5,000 blow up doll.
If they would leave humans alone, I think it would be great for every P to have their very own personal doll.
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Stargazer says:
Gem,
My snakes really wouldn’t like a blow up doll. I asked them. They just stuck out their tongues.
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OxDrover says:
Guys we are posting over each other!
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Stargazer says:
Hey guys,
I need your help with a big decision. It has nothing to do with sociopaths but more to do with travel. Any takers?
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one_step_at_a_time says:
travel? yup.
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henry says:
have not found any stargazer lillies yet but will keep my eyes open – will be hittin all the greenhouses and nurserys over the next two weeks .. well I couldnt get it up for madonna even with viagra and a million bucks, so’s i guess I am gaysexual
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henry says:
ask away star – OX spaths wuldnt want a blow up doll – they need to f k with humans minds and dolls dont have checkbooks – but i wonder what kind of doll u can get for a one grand?
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one_step_at_a_time says:
…one that talks and steals your wallet.
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Stargazer says:
A blow-up sex doll for $7,000? ha ha ha ha, you can buy a living breathing mail order bride for that much.
BTW, Oxy, I’m reading a book called “Romance on the Road”. Apparently, American women of any age or size are hot commodities in exotic places like the Caribbean. Young men 20 or even younger are chasing after Americans in their 60′s and 70′s. No joke. Did I mention I plan to retire overseas?
Henry, keep looking (for those stargazer lilies). I so want to see pics of them! And I know you have a thing for Oxy and her big, hard…..skillet!
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one_step_at_a_time says:
star – most of us wouldn’t want to be caught by those men.
what’s your travel question?
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Stargazer says:
ha ha ha you guys are cracking me up tonight!
Here is my question. I am planning a trip to Costa Rica in September. It started out as a massage class at a spa in the mountains with one full day off and two half-days for exploration. But then I found out I could take the same massage course here in Denver and just travel in Costa Rica for about 10 days. But it will cost about $500 more. I am not rolling in money. I’m using my emergency fund for this trip. I’m not sure what to do. I am really torn. The spa is beautiful. I will have to share a room with another massage therapist I don’t know. But it seems a shame to travel to Costa Rica to be tied up in a class for 40 hours. What would you guys do?
Here is the link to the spa website:
http://www.rrresorts.com/f.htm...../specials/
The music on that site is beautiful and very relaxing. I’ve been listening to it for an hour now.
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one_step_at_a_time says:
star – can you extend your stay in costa rica for a couple of days? that’s what i would do.
could you stay at the resort, or somewhere near?
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Stargazer says:
You’d be surprised, one-step. There is something about being in a foreign culture with more relaxed rules about sex and romance. And the men are lavishing attention on you like you NEVER get at home. Some women have been known to marry some of these guys. Apparently, the Masai warriors in Kenya are really attractive to white women. (Don’t know–never been there). Fascinating book.
I had two affairs with Greek men when I was traveling in Greece many years ago. I wasnt’ planning on it. It just happened. Many of these countries have a sexually charged atmosphere, and you just can’t help but get caught up in it. Apparently, there are tons of women who travel just for this reason (!).
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Stargazer says:
One step,
I can extend my stay after the massage class but it will be very expensive. And add in a few tours or travel, and it’s even more expensive. However, I can do a whole 10-day package touring the entire country for one price. But then I don’t get the spa experience, which would also be nice.
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one_step_at_a_time says:
oh star, that’s gorgeous! what a beautiful place!
could you stay with a family nearby for a couple of days? or a small guest house – just some way to experience the area more as the locals do.
okay gotta go to sleep. it’s freaking late here.
night night everyone.
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henry says:
star i would go to the carribean and give massages to those 20 year old men…but dont fall in love ~!
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henry says:
me too onesteppers – thanks too all for the chuckles good nite
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one_step_at_a_time says:
touring the whole of any country has never been my fave way to travel. i like to sit down in one place and experience it. i was thinking if you were in the area, that you probably could find somethings to do nearby that would be cheaper and interesting. my time in belize was like that. stayed local pretty much and it was wonderful – got to know a bit more about one area.
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Stargazer says:
LOL, Henry, wanna go with? I can bring a guest, and they get a much reduced price. Then we can both give massages to 20-year old men. LOL!
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one_step_at_a_time says:
at your service hens! sleep tight, don’t let the blow up dolls bite!
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ErinBrock says:
I say…..travel costa rica and massage class in Denver…..
And I’m looking into selling myself as a non speaking blow up doll for 100K….In KENYA!
Star….btw…it took me a while to post because the beginning of the music on the website made me pee like a racehorse!
Beautiful!
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Stargazer says:
Good night, one step. I don’t know if I can venture off on my own there. The roads are unmarked and unpaved, and I don’t know anyone there. I usually prefer to travel alone and spontaneously (I’m not much of a planner). But I think in Costa Rica, it’s best to have arrangements ahead of time.
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ErinBrock says:
ONE:
I LOVED BElize…..
Belize and Morocco were by far my fav. travel experiences…..
MAGICAL!
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henry says:
Erin YOU~! nonspeaking? it wont work…lmao goodnite
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Stargazer says:
EB,
ha ha ha ha you are so funny tonight! I have a fountain the runs all year round right outside my patio. It always makes my massage clients need to pee!
A blow-up doll in Kenya? ha ha ha. They don’t have any money there! It’s the American women who give money and gifts to the men. I think it’s cool to see the tables turned.
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one_step_at_a_time says:
i was thinking that he people at the resort would know the locals – know where you might stay and a couple of things to do.
i saw that pic on the home page and i was immediately in the jungle in belize…..which is NOT the same as Costa Rica
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ErinBrock says:
Geezeee….
I am off my game this weekend….
I am so wiped out…..
That farker and the surgery…..has kicked my ars!!!
I think I’m going to put JR. on the last pain managment for the night and go to bed……
Tomorrow I expect spathville to show his ugly head…..
I’m not ready to deal with it….ANY of it…..I can’t think straight….I’m tired and I am NOT HIS WIFE….so fark him…..he can wait until I can think this through in MY MIND!!!!!
and get back to the constable on what I want to do…….and HOW I want to proceed….
I’m tired!!!
Nighty night……
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Stargazer says:
ha ha ha ha Henry’s comment to EB. OMG, I’m cracking up over here. Guess I’ll go to bed too.
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OxDrover says:
Dear STar,
Well, darling the thing is of course you can find guys in just about any country of any age who would make love to a TOAD if it was an AMERICAN and could get them a green card! Why do you think all these “mail order” BRIDES are marrying these old guys? Ever seen a 90 year old guy without any money who had a 20 yr old sweetie? Well, there are women in some countries whose living conditions are so awful they would marry a 90 yr old guy without any money if it would get them to the States and live “happily ever after” til they get their green card and he can’t send them back to hell-on-earth.
Frankly I can’t say I blame these women, or men, for that matter in trying to get out of the places they were born in. The thing is I’m not into “short term” romances or sex either, no matter how exotic or exciting it is, so I’ll just pass on it, but thanks anyway. I would like a massage though!
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ErinBrock says:
One….did you visit the ATM caves?
That was so awesome……we left there with our heads spinning with sprituality….
WE LOVED THE PEOPLE in belize….
we took pics in the cave crawling in the mud….through this small hole……and the picture looks like we are on crack…..our eyes are huge because it was so dark in the cave and all we had were our headlamps.
We also went kayaking in San Ignacio….and our guide was a nature dude…..picking plants for us to eat and mangoes and he made a pickic for us and when we stopped and ate, I think I fell in love with this hot sexy naturalist local young dude….I would have massaged him in a MINUTE!!!!
When he showed up at the river, he had one less kayak than needed…..he looked at the kids and said…>NO….I’m going to paddle your mother…..and she can tell me where she wants to go……she is my queen……
DAMN…..we alllCRACKED UP……little did he know I WOULD HAVE BEEN HIS QUEEN!!!!!!!!
I sat back for 4 hours and was paddled around with a very handsome local cutie……HEAVEN!!!!
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Stargazer says:
Oxy
So what? LOL You’d be surprised how many women have the best of intentions and then just get caught up in the culture. It’s a phenomenon, as I’m coming to find out. In some countries, men outnumber women, and the younger women marry older men, leaving the young men alone and hormonal. Those men are also very open and unguarded about love and sex, which is very refreshing to people used to living in our uptight society. Here in America, there is an imbalance of women to men, especially in our age group. And there is a war between the sexes here. Women don’t really trust men, and men don’t trust women. And all men prefer young thin ones. It’s actually a sad commentary on our culture that women have to travel to exotic places to find romance and sex.
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ErinBrock says:
Hens doesn’t think I can keep my trap shut…..??? Maybe for the right price….. hmmmmm…..
Let me tell you Mr. Hens…..when the spath speaks…..I keep my mouth shut……and listen and decipher……and gleam insight into his sick head….
SO…….I think I could make a good blow up doll!!!!
No snakes pleeeze!
Star….I’m a vagabond…..I say…..get out and do what you want……see what you want…..not suggesting you walk the jungles alone……but…..don’t let fear stop you from seeing and experienceing the world!!!! I have traveled to some great places….Just me and the kids…..lived like the locals, and learned …..so many lessons in travel…..so many, MANY memories…wouldn’t have traded it for the world…..and NEVER let fear of being alone with my kids stop me…….we went….we saw……we lived…..and we LOVED!!!!!
And BTw…..on that fab. website…in case anyone is interested…..in the photo section….that girl in black in that very precarious yoga pose…….that’s me….I’m pretty sure…..don’t know how they got my picture…..but I’m sure it’s me!!
OXY…..glad you are MS. busy bee….how rewarding…..can you come to my house…..I’m WAY BEHIND!!!!!
Okay….I’m out…..for reals…..
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Stargazer says:
EB,
Your travel adventures sound awesome. I have never been afraid to travel. I have traveled a lot, mostly on my own, and often without much money. I flew from London to Athens for the summer with $50 in my pocket! But I keep hearing that in Costa Rica, it’s very costly and difficult to “just go” and try to make your way around without a guide.
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Stargazer says:
LOL, with my luck I’ll fall for the only sociopathic tour guide in Costa Rica.
Good night, guys! I’ll be dreaming of blow-up talking dolls and young Balinese men in loin cloths……
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ErinBrock says:
ummm Balinese men….
oooohhhhh ….. loin cloths….
Sweet dreams tonight!!!!!!
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Stargazer says:
I’ll let you have the loin cloths, EB. I’ll just take the men. ha ha ha
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Cat says:
Bulletproof,
I hear you! I thought, years ago, that everything I did, everything I worked on was for US. The only problem was, I was the only one doing the working and the contributing! I get into that funk sometimes where I still get mad as hell. And then I stop and think about the time he’s been gone and I think about what I’ve actually gained and accomplished during those months. And I compare THAT to what I would have lost during those months because the pattern here was all about me just keep on giving and him just keep on taking and it wasn’t going to change.
I think selling the house will be good closure for you and think about this, hon. This person is really just a robot, someone with no emotions, someone who will never feel anything like you or I do. I am GLAD that I’ve felt what I felt. If I don’t feel the lows, then I won’t appreciate the highs in life. And I’ve EARNED those good feelings, just as you have. We might have had to start over, but better to do that than to stay where we were. This is what I tell myself on those days where I want to find him and do some serious damage.
Hugs!
Cat
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ErinBrock says:
I guess being a blow up dolll…..I can’t fightcha and I gotta take whatever’s given……
Ho hummmmmmm!
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ErinBrock says:
SILVER:
Is the spoon bread mushy/puddingy or bready (like a cornbread).
Sounds fab!!
Thanks!
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silvermoon says:
yes, its mushy and yummy hot with tons of butter!
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OxDrover says:
Dear EB and Star,
When I was 18 and 19 I spent two years in South and Central America, Europoe and Africa doin wild life photography working for my P-sperm donor and learning to fly airplanes, it was the ultimate high for a little girl from Arkansas who had only traveled the states touching her own state. I got to go play with the “big guys” doing “big guy” things and it was very heady. We lived in the bush most of the time and flew small planes into tight places, trecked into the bush on foot and captured wild animals, or bought them from the natives.
I saw lots of the 3rd world countries and their people from the ground up. I wish in a way I had been older to appreciate what I was seeing more, met some people who later became known world wide for their conservation efforts in saving several major species. That two years spent doing that will always be some of the best and worst memories of my life time, with the interactions between me and the P sperm donor being the WORST and the things I saw some of the most exciting.
I realize that our culture puts a value on youth and beautiy in women high up on the “value scale” as far as men are concerned, but actually, I am no longer attracted to some kid 25-30 even if he was (really) madly in love with me, there just isn’t any common ground between me and someone that age any more. I dearly love bantering with the guys in their 20s and 30s who hang around my son D and are continually here for just about every weekend. As usual, my house has become the gathering ground for all my sons friends who feel very welcome and comfortable here and include me in a lot of their conversations. All of them are quite bright and well educated and enjoy conversations about other things than video games and girls, we talk about movies, music, philosophy, history, rock climbing, biology, science, invention, technology, etc. and these guys are very knowledgable.
They are all involved in mentoring younger kids through Boy Scouts and helping the kids and each other make good decisions. I found out last week that one of the young men had gotten a DWI for underage drinking and the law came down on him pretty hard. His friends are all concerned about him, and even the older members of the group (in their 40s) who are involved as leaders with the BS Venture Crew (for youth 14-21 co-ed) are working with this young man age 19 to see that he never has this problem in the future.
There are about 40 people involved with this group, from ages 14 to 50, and a nicer group of people who ARE a “village” helping raise these young men and women into productive and healthy young adults. Since this group started several years ago most of the “kids” that have turned 21 have stayed on as adult leaders. Several now also have their own boy scout groups or have joined a group as an axilliary leader. Almost all the males are Eagle Scouts, etec. Many of the younger kids or even some of the young adults work at The Big Scout Camp near here in the summer as counselors or program directors (including my son D).
While I thoroughly enjoy these young men and women, and interacting with them, I can’t imagine them as anything except as very entertaining and interesting young buys. I would feel incestuous or like I was a pedophile seeing them any other way.. Maybe I’m just old fashioned. LOL
One of my husband’s friends (actually she used to be his secretary) was a great gal and though actually quite homely had such a winning personality that all guys of every age fell maddly in love with her and at age 45+ she married a 23 year old kid who was ga-ga over her, and 30 years later they are STILL VERY HAPPY! It happens, but rarely.
I’ll just keep my eyes peeled in case nice old geezer about my age comes along and finds he can’t live without me.
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Rosa says:
Cat:
“I am GLAD that I’ve felt what I felt. If I don’t feel the lows, then I won’t appreciate the highs in life.”
Me too. I feel the exact same way.
I believe all emotions that we (empaths) experience in life revolve around the big one: LOVE.
If you cannot feel love, then how can you feel happiness, sadness, anger, regret, sorrow, helplessness, etc. or anything else?
This life is a journey, and the path is not always easy.
It’s like the words to the song, “The Dance” by Garth Brooks:
And now I’m glad I didn’t know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I’d of had to miss the dance
~I love this song, because it can be interpreted in so many different ways.
It’s a song about lost loves, or loss of loved ones in our lives.
For me, one of the interpretations I take from this song is about finally coming to the realization that all of the answers that I have been searching for OUTSIDE of myself have been right here INSIDE me the whole time.
The Dance is with myself.
http://video.yahoo.com/watch/4271078/11479509
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OxDrover says:
WOW, ROSA!!!
Quote: “the dance is with myself.” Great sentiment!
The more we love, the more we can be hurt when that loved one is gone, that’s the price we pay for loving, and no love is “forever”—people die, we die, so either our death or their death will end the earthly love relationship we have, but, I wouldn’t give up the relationship I had with my husband to have missed that pain, or with my step father. Now that the pain if gone, it is a peaceful feeling and a good feeling, and they and the love we shared is still rich and full and good Even though I can no longer touch them physically, I can touch them within my self. Their love, their voices, their thoughts, their actions are still there in my memory and as long as my brain still remembers, I will still have them and that love. Thanks for reminding me of this.
As for the Ps, well, I learned from that, and the memories are not fond memories, but the learning is good and beneficial, and will help keep me safe in the future from other predators. Help me to disengage when I realize that someone is a predator or is toxic and not feel such guilt or pain as I did before.
Good post, Rosa, lots to chew on. Thanks!!! ((((Hugs))))
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