The Sociopath Holding Court
PDF (The following is a satirical piece; it is not meant to trivialize sociopaths and the damage they inflict on others. Rather, through satire, the piece is meant to dramatize, in exaggerated fashion, some of the sociopath’s notable linguistic, defensive and manipulative machinations.)
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, and particularly you, young lady. I believe you are juror #7? If you don’t mind, you are looking strikingly beautiful today; then again, that implies that you weren’t looking just as distractingly gorgeous as yesterday, which you were.
Already the prosecution raises an objection? My, we’re getting started early this morning, counsel? Rough night?
I ask the jurors, please, to note the prosecutor’s rolling of his eyes, a sure sign of his contempt.
As you may suspect, members of the jury, despite my lawyers’ advice, my family’s advice, the advice of the honorable Judge himself, and last but not least, God’s personal imploring, as recently as this morning, to use outside counsel, I have chosen, instead, to face you directly—that is, to represent myself—in this case.
No one, I believe, is better equipped than I to appeal to your sense of justice and fairness, if for no other reason—and there are other reasons—than that I’m smarter than all of my originally appointed attorneys combined, each of whom, incidentally, should have his license to practice revoked.
What the laws schools are churning out these days is downright frightening, but that’s another story.
As you may be aware, while it’s true that I’m not a practicing attorney, let the record reflect that I hold four—no, make that five—different law degrees from prestigious online universities around the world.
I might add that I am also regarded as a legal expert of renown in the area of forensics and personality disorders.
How ironic, then, that I am here to defend myself against charges that I am a sociopath!
It makes me want to laugh, which is why I’m laughing right now, with the hilarity this absurd accusation merits!
Incidentally, if I’m having trouble recomposing myself, bear in my mind that my sense of humor is notorious and one of my greatest strengths, as will be evident during the proceedings.
Presently, I should also like to point out my tendency to use the word “incidentally” a lot, which, incidentally, dates back to my days at Stanford University where—and I’d like this noted in the record—I graduated with the highest grade point average in that distinguished university’s history…I believe it was an 8.3.
I note the prosecutor’s sarcastic display of his mirth?
I assure the court that I intend to furnish my notarized Stanford diploma at a later point in my testimony…if not today, then no later than tomorrow.
But enough of my preamble: As a first witness, I’d like to call my ex-wife, Sheila, who also happens to be the mother of my son, Evan. For the record, let it be noted that I’ll be calling my son to the stand following my cross-examination of his mother, whose testimony, I anticipate, will prove quite illuminating.
Your Honor, I call Sheila Brumzovitz, the first of my four ex-wives, to the stand.
Hello, Sheila, you are looking rather old and past your time, today…excuse me, I meant to say, as young and beautiful as when we first met! And when was that? Was it really 27 years ago?
Yes…yes…the prosecutor can object all he wants, but I ask the jurors please to continue noting counsel’s passive-aggressiveness and oppositionality?
Sheila, first of you, I miss you, my darling. I know that you probably hate me to this day, and that you probably believe, for a great many reasons, that I wronged you and our precious son. Your feelings, darling, are valid, as feelings always are; however, your reasons aren’t, as I will presently prove to this fine, intelligent and, I trust, fair panel of jurors.
But may I recognize, for the record, something very cold in your expression? Almost as though you regard me as an object, rather than a human being?
And worse, an object, dare I say, of worthlessness?
Be that as it may…as I said, you look lovely, Sheila, and I mean that sincerely.
May I also tell you that I’m so glad to have heard, through the proverbial grapevine, that you are presently and happily married, for several years now?
May the court recognize how very pleased I am to have learned of my ex-wife’s propitious circumstances, and please don’t ask me to define “propitious.”
Am I to presume, Sheila, that your present husband—I understand his name is Phil?—is in the courtroom, sitting with the audience, no doubt in a supportive role?
What…again? Another objection from the prosecutor?
Let the record reflect that my curiosity was not, as the prosecutor suggests so cynically, a diversionary tactic. I merely thought it would be civil of me, the father, to recognize the stepfather of my son…
To shake his hand, perhaps…and thank him for his generosity to my family.
Now Sheila, in your deposition, a record of which I hold in my hands, you described me as, and I quote, “…glib, charming, deceptive, manipulative and devious,” and also as, and I quote again, “…a lying, conniving bastard.”
Then, you abruptly switch gears and begin to list my less appealing qualities, describing me, and I quote, “…as, moreover, a thief, and a predator.”
Sheila, and I remind you that you are under oath…as you look into my eyes…that’s right, darling…look very closely into my eyes, and, remembering that you are under oath, I ask you, can a man with such gentle eyes, such romantic eyes, such soliticous and tender eyes…can such a man be guilty of the qualities you ascribe to me?
What’s that?
Now I object!, your Honor!
I object, on the grounds that…I did not like her answer.
Objection overruled? Not to be impertinent, your honor, but what political cronies conspired to secure your judgeship?
Okay, okay, I recognize your warning, Judge.
Sheila, my only true love, may I remind you that I warned you very early on—that’s to say, well in advance—of the consequences of your abdication of your matrimonial duties?
What? The prosecutor can’t object to this?
Are you on the rag, buddy? How long has it been since you got some, pal?
Yes, yes…I realize I’ve crossed the line again, your Honor. Let me compose myself.
Now Sheila, I read here from a record of an email that I sent you, dated May 21, 2004. I quote from my email, “Sheila, I’m not warning you or anything. Just know that so long as you frustrate my sexual appetites, you are effectively inviting, if not licensing, me to seek satisfaction elsewhere!”
Your reply, Sheila, dated May 21, 2004, not ten minutes later, is, and I quote, “Ed, this is a threat, and it’s all about your narcissism. You are also a sex addict. It would be impossible for me, or for anyone, to satisfy your sexual needs. The only thing I license you to do is to grow up.”
May the court note that, only in response to this blatant, insulting provocation, did I commence to engage in several affairs over the next two years before my ex-wife abandoned me.
You allege, Sheila, in your deposition, which I hold in my hands, that on two separate occasions within the span of the year 2005, that you came home and twice found me having sex, in our house, with an unknown female?
You allege that, once, you found us on the sofa, in the livingroom, and six months later, that you found me, with a different woman, in our bedroom.
Do you recall your testimony?
Excellent, I’m glad there is no memory lapse in connection with it.
Do you also recall, Sheila, that on both these occasions, you were supposed to be out of the house—in the first case on an overnight business trip; in the second, in the hospital, having surgery performed under general anesthesia?
You remember this? Very good.
And so, then, almost by definition, do you not agree that, in both these cases of so-called infidelity, you effectively ambushed me!?
You were not supposed to be home! I had every reason to believe I could enjoy my own space in my own house! Yet, unexpectedly, without warning, you show up at my house, and invade my space!
Objection? What is up with this prosecutor? How am I browbeating the witness?
Hey listen, buddy, how ’bout I show you what browbeating really is after the court adjourns?
By the way, Judge, I object to the fact that the prosecutor, with his constant interrruptions, refuses to let me establish any rhythm with my witness? Doesn’t that constitute prosecutorial misconduct?
Why do you keep censuring me, your Honor? This is really starting to feel like a conspiracy. I ask the court to recognize the restraint and forebearance with which I’m managing my resentment?
Where was I? Hmmm….let me look at my notes.
Ah yes! And so Sheila, darling—and, by the way, for the record, it was you, not I, who abandoned our salvageable marriage—yet virtually by your own admission, you had the temerity to confront me, to embarrass me, to make a scene, twice, in my house, in front of two innocent women, who, let the record reflect, were unaware of my marital status!
God forbid you’d composed yourself, and allowed us, in each of these instances, the space, time and dignity to at least put some clothes on!
I ask the jury, now, to please imagine how mortifying, how traumatizing, it was to be confronted by this madwoman, who enters the house and discovers me in what she recklessly interprets to be a compromised position—that is, immediately the witness leaps to conclusions of sordid infidelity, without having the decency to let me explain myself and the important mitigating circumstances.
Because don’t kid yourself, ladies and gentlemen of the jury. There are always two sides of a story, even when it appears there is just one. And when it appears there is just one side of a story, Sheila, and especially your side, I suggest that this ought to signal you, darling—remember this—this ought to signal you that the other side, in this case my side, is likely to be more credible than ever, and urgently deserves your extra consideration and respect.
Come again? The prosecution has yet another complaint? What do you mean she’s not on trial?
I’ve got news for you, Mr. Prosecutor, we’re all on trial! Life is a trial! And the strongest of us, when necessary, rise up to defend ourselves from scurrilous accusations of the kind raised in this court—that I, who have never hurt anyone intentionally, and always been willing to reason with reasonable people, including my ex-spouses…that I am a sociopath!
No, sir, I am not yet finished with the witness and, incidentally, your objection that I’m badgering her, Mr. Prosecutor, is growing tiresome and lame. You might have noticed that the jury itself, Mr. Prosecutor, as if in unison, is stifling a collective yawn, if you even bothered to pay attention?
Now Sheila, there are so many things I would like. This may come as a surprise, but I would like, for instance, to be friends. I would also like for us to bury the hatchet, and for you to stop, finally, corrupting my son against me. I’d even be willing to become friends with your current husband, Phil, who, by the looks of things, as I watch who I think is him in the audience, does not appear to be terribly receptive to my olive branch?
Even at this late juncture, Sheila, with so much proverbial water under the bridge—that is, despite the baggage that’s accumulated between us over the years—even today, I’d be willing to consider another stint in couples therapy, on the chance we might make another go of things…recover, so to speak, you know…that passion between us that…and I remind you that you are under oath, darling…that I know you still have for me…no offense to your current husband and family.
Remembering that you are under oath, Sheila, and looking very carefully into my eyes, I ask you whether, in fact, it’s not the case that you still, somehow, find me very hard to resist…that you acknowledge, even now, right this second, how magnetic, how mesmerizing is the effect I still have on you?
I remind you, darling, that you are under oath!
I object, your Honor! I object vehemently!
Once again, that was not the response I was looking for! May the court document that I could not be less pleased with the witness’s scathing answer, and I ask the jury to carefully note its reflection on the witness’s character and credibility!
Excuse me? Was that a reaction from Phil over there, in the audience? Is Phil getting overheated? I thought that was you, Phil. I can pick out my ex’s new partners from a lineup from scratch, without ever having seen them.
Calm down, Phil. Take it easy.
Boy, sheila, you remarried a feisty one!
Thank goodness security has arrived. Those security guys, if you ask me, really don’t get paid enough money to maintain order and decorum in the courtroom.
Wait a minute! What’s this? What are you guys doing?
Get your hands off me! What the hell?! This is outrageous! You can’t remove me from the courtroom!
Judge, I ask you…I implore you to have these goons release me right now, and allow me to proceed with my questioning of the witness! This is a travesty of my right to defend myself against charges of sociopathy!
I demand that right, Judge! You’ll regret this Judge! I know people, Judge! It’s a bad idea to underestimate me!
I ask the ladies and gentlemen of the jury, as they’re dragging me out of the courtroom like Nazi gestapos…I ask you to carefully note this outrageous transgression of my civil rights!
Please, ladies and gentlemen of the jury…and especially you, juror #7…you, who emanates such a rare beauty and sensitivity….please…suspend your verdict until I’ve had the chance to face-down that whiny, objecting prosecutor!
I relish…salivate for…that opportunity! And it is coming soon! Trust me! It is coming soon!
Goodbye for now, but not for long!
(This work is copyrighted (c) 2010 by Steve Becker, LCSW. While the central character in this work is imagined as male, it could just as easily be female, as sociopathy does not gender-discriminate.)
written by Steve Becker, LCSW • Permalink •
witsend says:
No she didn’t post 600 comments….It had that many comments made under the article…But because of that many comments it was bogging down if you tried to comment on it…And slowing everything up…
I don’t know I kinda missed the whole thing except the tail end of it. But Erin tried to get rid of it, by posting smiley faces on all the other threads to bring it down to the bottom so no one would post on it any more! Lol…
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hens says:
Oh Ok now I get it – I am kinda slow tonite…Guess i better drag my tired self to bed..all of you have a great night~!
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witsend says:
G-night….I’m heading there to….Got to polish my crown before I go to bed. Erin nominated me for princess.
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ErinBrock says:
Princess Witty…..I like it!!!!
Keep that thing polished up girl…..ya just never know when your gonna need to pull it out.
Although…..ya better watch your step…..didn’t like much that suggestion to hens about wanting to piss me off…..
HEY….I worked hard smiling to get rid of that darn thread…..
Get a good night girl……take your jewels off to sleep!
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ErinBrock says:
Well……I can hear ya’ll snoring now…..
So…..I’m going to join you in the sack!
Nighty night.
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shabbychic says:
Night.
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geminigirl says:
Night Night,peeps! dont let the bed bugs bite! love, and {{HUGS}},mamaGem.XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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witsend says:
Sorry Erin, My bad….I couldn’t resist that remark about the 600 comments page to hens….
You woulda had to been “me” in that moment….Coming onto Lf when I did and seeing all these smiley faces on all the threads. There were so many of them, they almost seemed to glow in the dark!
For a moment I thought maybe you had struck gold. Lol…You know diggin in the yard.
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Steve Becker, LCSW says:
Oxy…thanks!
Steve
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neveragain says:
It is great when there is an enlightened judge, and enlightened attorneys jumping up to object. The problem for most of us even in court is not having those two enlightened folks in the courtroom.
And out of the courtroom, there is no one but our “gut” saying “I object” …and too often our judging brain says “overruled” and lets the psychopath continue his arguments and onslaught, because our compassion and “understanding” and empathy and our desire to please are on overdrive.
Now when my gut says “I object”, I’ve trained myself to respond “Sustained!” and kick the person out of my life, as much as possible. No contact, no response, works soooo well.
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OxDrover says:
Dear Neveragain,
THAT IS A GREAT ANALOGY!!! Kick’em to the curb yer honor!
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newlife08 says:
THANKS STEVE !!!!!
All the reasons I tremble at sitting at a table with him to come to a settlement…………..every word and turn of a phrase rings true – I live it every week.
This week, I have been accused of hacking into his bank accounts …………..while I was away on a business trip and all I could think of was my kids.
Anything I need to know – I go through the lawyer – it makes NO SENSE – that I would risk prosecution trying to hack into an on-line banking system. Geez- I don’t even have one myself !!!!
But he is SO SURE IT IS ME – I can’t believe the conviction in his voicemail !!!!!!
So once again, My Prolific friend, you are the window to my life – the voice of reason in a very F’D UP scenario.
I vote for the stand up routine – you are hilarious and so very accurate !!!!
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ravenlesstower says:
newlife08…
He probably “knows” it was you because:
a. no one hacked in, he is setting you up
b. he hacked in himself, he is setting you up
The bank should be able to tell the courts what IP address logged into his accounts when… tell him to bring proof, then you’ll defend yourself.
Peace…
Ravenlesstower
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silvermoon says:
newlife
My bet is, that you wouldn’t know how if your life depended on it because I know about banking security. Its not something regular folk play with.
Unless you are a hacker or an online security pro.
Oh, and where did the money go?
He may have been hacked. A lot of people are getting hit now by very real attacks. He should be talking to the bank about it, not you.
If it was an outside attack, its a problem he needs to resolve with them, but the time frame is short.
Call the Network Security Manager at your bank. He probrably needs a good laugh and will be able to help.
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Rosa says:
Even though this article is satirical in nature, I know people who would fall for this rhetoric…hook, line, & sinker.
In fact, I know a few guys who would probably be high-fiving Steve, and inviting him out for some “brewskies”.
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midlifecrisis says:
Wonderful Steve – I know it is a deadly serious subject and has been the source of terrible pain for so many of us but there is something free and delightful in mocking their character (or rather lack of it) a little.
Newlife – that’s their arrogance – they think they are the purveyors and controllers of truth so what they say goes. Even if they are making things up and rewriting history. Don’t justify yourself – it just makes us look as if we are guilty. My ex used to do that to me all the time – put me on the spot accused of something ridiculous and I like a fool would start denying and justifying myself trying to make him see the reality – that approach just gave him a better footing over me.
Sending you some strength for the coming days – stay strong and you will get through this – you’re doing the only thing you could in getting away from him.
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OxDrover says:
You know this kind of “logic” that the Ps demonstrate where they put you on the defensive by turning the tables from talking about what THEY did that was wrong/lie etc is a common “defense,” not only with psychopaths, but with anyone who is not willing to take responsibility for themselves.
That attitude of being the purveyor of “rightness” is wider than just the psychopaths, but the Ps take it to NEW LIMITS!
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anitasee says:
Dear Newlife…think projection! (His) Yes the conviction they can display while peddling their lies is truely UNBELIEVABLE-if he makes you spend money defending this frivolous allegation- scream costs..costs ..costs..ie, you get them from him for your trouble and expense. Go on the major OFFENSIVE..do not tremble ..do not blink…know that you have the truth on your side and he can eat shit and die.
Be a rightous babe.
I have been working on taking mine to the mat for over two years now…and he is about to fall into a very finely laid trap.
His arrogance and greed are COMPELLING him to keep up his B.S.- convinced he will get away with it once again. My evidence against him and his credibility is overwhelming…he just ignores it…I prove that he did blah blah blah, (felonies-forgeries-embezzelment) he says no biggy, I show where he took massive amounts of $$, he denies ever hiding a thing from me…it goes on and on. He just ignores the record, the court filings, the facts, and keeps on with his hubris.
Remeber, as frustrating and crazy making as they are…according to Dr. Stout and Dr. Hare, they usually end up badly, alone and broke. They do self distruct eventually…they just are very gifted at taking their victims down first.
Do not see yourself as one. See yourself as the victor. You had the guts and brains to get out from under his nonsense. With patience and a cool head you will prevail.
He is just throwing out a curve ball, hoping to get you flustered, changing the subject ( a favorite ploy) and messing with your head. But you are armed and dangerous, because you know what he is.
Record, make notes of everything, do as much leg work and paperwork as you can on your own to save costs. If he wants to make that kind of allegation to the courts he has to present proof. Relax. He is lying. You are not.
Hugs, A
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newlife08 says:
To All,
Thanks so much for the supportive words. Every week, if not every day , it is another kind of attack .
He’s out 2 years April 20 and it just won’t end.
Property and money mean the most to him – not our 11 yr old son and 16 yr old daughter.
He has the money, the better house – 2 businesses – the onrs here for a while know my history.
Please keep us in your prayers – I am entering yet another summer living next to his whore and feeling like a prisoner.
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Inquirente says:
Steve,
Great parody!!! I was just saying to a friend who is the victim of a financial fraud who we hope is close to being indicted that the S will probably try to take it to trial…even though the case against him is so good. He thinks he is made of teflon!
So many of the S comments are exactly this…. we just actually found out he has taken up under an assumed name and with a new business – get this he is an Actor!!!!
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Steve Becker, LCSW says:
Thanks Midlifecrisis and Anitasee!
Newlife, good friend….so what else is new, right? this is his modus operandi and has been, and will always be, because this is who he is.
and so, while some “acting-out” burnout is possible down the road, still…character is character. The immaturity, the shallowness, the selfishness, the lying and deception–these are part of his essence, and I remind you every day to remind yourself that this is precisely why you chose, with great dignity, to break off.
You chose to split, finally, for a number of important reasons, one of which was your willingness to embrace the reality that none of his pathologic tendencies will ever change. And so, while you wish that he’d be behaving reasonably in the course of this separation/divorce process, yet had he done so, had he disguised his essential nature with superficially cooperative behaviors and even made this whole separation process easy, yet this might have restoked your doubts and fantasy that maybe he’d, alas, changed, and grown up?
whereas his crude, manipulative, foolish and immature displays can serve, every day, as validation of the greatness of your choice. sure, he’s complicating things, and that’s ashame; but every one of his sociopathic machinations vindicates you, not him.
Steve
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breached1957 says:
Newlife08,
Oh dear! I know our situations are different, but thank your lucky stars he hasn’t turned his money and attention towards your children. They get a fair shot in life if he is aloof towards them and doesn’t set his sights on them. I am going into 4 years of protracted litigation hell. My heart and prayers go out to you and your children. Breached
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OxDrover says:
Dear Newlife,
I second what Steve so wonderfully said to you!
Oh, gosh, Steve, I am so jealous of your wonderful way of phrasing things! LOL You are so “empathetic” and so RIGHT!
I also agree with Breached—and so all any of us can do is to thank our “lucky stars” and whatever diety we believe in that it ISN’T WORSE! ((((Hugs))))
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Jewels says:
Oh, Steve -
A “sidesplitter” if I’ve ever read one! Thank you for the satirical approach; once again you’ve driven a spike through their heads, being so spot-on!
A day brightener, for sure,
Thanks
~j~
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wonderwoman says:
Absolutley brilliant!
I have been chuckling all day.. after all, it must not be forgotten that sociopaths, although their behaviour can be immensely cruel and destructive, they are also very very embarassing! The last laugh is on them.
Many thanks!! Can you do any more?!
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kerisee04 says:
Steve, I am inspired now to write the same type of satirical blog about the female sociopath’s court perspective. I have a lot of experience with my husband’s ex-wife.
Great job!
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Steve Becker, LCSW says:
Jewels, Wnderwoman, Kerisee…thanks so much! I plan a follow-up before long.
And Kerisee, go for it! I’ll look forward to reading it!
Steve
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wakingup says:
I got a laugh from this reading and I wanted to add a comment about something I just watched on TV. I find very little to laugh about these days, and I just watched a comedian named Christopher Titus do a stand up routine called “Love is Evol.” The whole focus of his act is to point out the evil in relationships caused by psychopaths. It was so funny that I had tears streaming. And the ironic part is that people who have never dealt with a s-path have no idea how accurate this guy is. Has anyone else seen or heard of this comedian? It was a much needed relief.
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Outlier says:
Mr Brecker, in your disclaimer you do point out that socipathy does not stereotype and your articles apply to both males and females. I am inclined to believe a female sociopath holding court would use very different dialogue. Very different kind of manipulative vocabulary. I am trying to visualise the only 2 (female) sociopaths I know as the central character in your piece with some difficulty. Whilst you have covered the gist of their traits, their self righteous pomposity (narcissism), I couldn’t imagine them saying those things.
Your article about the child and the spider – the mindset of the sociopath through the mind of the child (abuser) and her tarhet (spider) could apply easily to both gender. An extraordinary piece.
You claim to be nervous about writing these articles, but since you make use of analogy/satire, it is an easier way for people to see the whole broad picture of DSMs using safer examples (spider/child). Using analogy is useful in avoiding trigger responses in readers. They are powerful and often memorable symbolic references.
I’m aware there’s a section on female sociopaths. Funnily, I find it tricky going there as it contains too many references that create triggers. Whilst you do hone in on the ‘satirical’ nature of sociopathic traits – lying and denial through any childish means is a satire in itself. How not to behave adult-like. It is in fact easy to spot the humour in the utterly ridiculously desperate means a female sociopath (totally guilty of their behaviour) will adopt to cover their backs. It is indeed childlike. The moment they are exposed, they use their female gender as a weapon.
nb. Why is financial fraud a thing with sociopaths. It’s a specific abuse, I’ve been accused of fraud BY my abuser, why is finances at the top of their agenda? I get power/greed, but why do so many posters here make reference to financial wars with sociopaths?
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Outlier says:
Is this based on west US times. It’s 9:45am here. Though I could have written this at ’4.20am’. as I had the ‘mind chatter’ – a perfect description I got from here recently.
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