Self-help guru files suit against guy who dumped her
PDF Karen Salmansohn, author of How to Be Happy, Dammit and about 20 other self-help books, got scammed by a guy who paid for her fertility treatments, but when she was pregnant, dumped her.
See story in the New York Daily News.
Link submitted by a Lovefraud reader.
written by Donna Andersen • Permalink •
learning says:
O M G! My daughters WILL be reading your post Kim. Im so sorry to hear of this and that it happened. WOW is right. There are no words — even with the best of intentions – bad things can still happen. Thank you SO MUCH FOR SHARING THIS. SO REAL.
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kim frederick says:
Well, I wouldn’t want to alarm you, but my point is, a P’s a P, and they are charming and love-bombing even at 17, so even if you meet her BF’s you could still be fooled…The important thing is that SHE RECOGNIZE it…I never had P conversations with my daughter, and if I was her role model, I was in the middle of an abusive relationship…how on earth would she know…
Just another thing I must forgive myself for….
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learning says:
Yes – The important thing is that SHE can recognize it – or has the tools to know what to look for and how to remove herself. One and Done is my theme. Forgiving ourselves is key too
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witsend says:
Learning,
You are doing the right thing….IF you (really) are the only parent that wants to meet the kids that your daughter is spending time with then so be it. Or checking to see that there is an adult home when they spend the night at a friends house. Having a curfew, ect. This is all very acceptable parenting behavior. And even if your daughter is slightly uncomfortable with it, thats ok. Just keep reassuring her that it is because she is SO SPECIAL, that you take your job of parenting so seriously.
Some of the “rules” of dating might have changed. These days girls are often taking on the “initiating” position. But keep reminding your girls that if a boy really does like them he will initiate a phone call, or to be more “casual” a text, to them. Let them know that it is OK to be different than the rest of the girls and to have higher expectations. In this day and age girls should be taught to higher the bar not lower the bar. We know this from our own dating experiences, when boys were in the pursuing role, back in the “old” days (as our kids would percieve it!).
What hasn’t changed is that young boys, young men, (whatever you want to call them) still are driven by what boys were always driven by. SEX. And that is why “hands on” FATHERS with daughters of dating age, handle this differently than moms do. They (fathers) know what drives young boys.
And what hasn’t changed for young girls is that they all want to be loved and live happily ever after with the “man” of their dreams.
So much has changed over the generations of dating yet so much is still the same.
Kims story of her daughter is a real eye opener for any parents of teen age girls. WE never really know, even we can be fooled by the kids our kids are spending time with or dating.
There is a fine line in keeping the lines of communication open with teenagers as their PARENT and trying to be their friend.
Bottom line is that our job is not to be their friend, but to be their parent. And almost ALL teenagers will “use” that “but so and so’s parents doesn’t make them come home at 11 o clock”…..
WHENEVER we start to doubt ourselves, even if it is our own kids making us doubt ourselves….We need to STOP and THINK.
Doubting ourselves usually means someone is TRYING to persuade us to do something we don’t feel comfortable with.
Even GOOD teenagers do small “con” jobs on their parents. Trying to sway them….
Bottom line I think, doubting ourselves is never a good thing, if someone ELSE is behind making us feel this doubt…..
Doesn’t matter if it is our kids saying something to try and “sway” us…Or if it is the man we ourselves are dating trying to “sway” us. If it makes us uncomfortable, it is usually someone is trying to cross a boundary.
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kim frederick says:
Witty, I agree with everything you said and would just add that kids really crave boundrys…they may buck them, curse them, test them, but ultimately even they know they aren’t able to set their own.
Setting boundrys for our kids gives them a sense of security and an OUT, when perjaps their peers are treading on waters, even they aren’t entirely comfortable with.
It is also, absolut proof that their parent cares about them…even if they whine cajole, and complain…they know it!
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Stargazer says:
Learning,
I APPLAUD you for your parenting skills. I look around at so many teenagers these days and wonder whatever happened to good parenting. I think kids need limits and it it their job to test them. That may make you unpopular for a while, but they will internalize these limits and learn to make appropriate decisions for themselves when they get older. I cannot applaud you enough for daring to be a good parent. I believe your kids will thank you some day.
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Stargazer says:
Kim, just read about your daughter. Wow, that is really scary. I have a few young girlfriends from my internet forum who have it together in every way except they fall for similar types of guys who play them, stalk them, and cheat on them. It’s a wonder they’re not afraid to keep dating after that.
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kim frederick says:
I have been in abusive relationships and the whole jealousy, possessive, stalking thing felt almost flattering, as if the guy was just sooooo into me….
That might be something we should talk to our daughters about.
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OxDrover says:
Dear Witty, Kim and LTL,
I agree with everything you have all said above. My P-son had all his “girlfriend’s” parents convinced he was a “prince” and in the meantime he was screwing a 13 yr old girl! Got her knocked up as well.
Plus, kids do not see the dangers in sex with others, even with a condom.
In some of my sex education classes for the college students I used the one liners—”what’s the difference between herpes and TRUE LOVE? Herpes is FOREVER!”
What do you call people who use condoms for Birth Control? PARENTS! Hey, if it doesn’t do a good job preventing preg when a girl/woman is only fertile 10% of the time, what do you think the chances it prevents disxease when you use it for that purpose?
Of course each kid thinks” “it will never happen to ME!” but it DOES! There are so many KILLER diseases out there besides HIV, so it is important to our kids’ SURVIVAL that they learn that sex is taking your life in someone else’s hands! It isn’t just a “feel good” activity! It has some serious consequences.
It SHOULD be a “bonding ritual between two people (only) who are loving and committed” and I know that is difficult to get across to the kids when the hormones are raging, or even across to more “mature” folks too. If it didn’t feel good none of us would EVER do it. LOL
My gosh, I am glad I am DONE raising kids! More power to you guys! ((((Hugs)))))
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kim frederick says:
Oxy and all, do you remember Eddie Haskell from, “Leave it to Beaver?”
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OxDrover says:
Yea, I remember Eddie Haskell, what about him?
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kim frederick says:
Didn’t he seem to fit the Adolesdcent profile of the P?
Always sooooo polite, and charming, and right? We didn’t know when we were watching, “Leave it to Beaver” that we were watching a primer on psychopathy.
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ErinBrock says:
Funny….he creeped me out then…..I loved the beav….
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