LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I was still in love with the jerk
PDF Editor’s note: This story was submitted by the Lovefraud reader who we’ll call “Margie.”
One night I went to a bar by myself (but always knew someone there). I sat at the bar next to this lady I knew and started talking to her. Well Steve (my ex-sociopath—not his real name) was sitting next to her talking to her. I thought he was kind of cute so started flirting. He actually said to me that night, “I think I like you better,” like he had his sights on my friend first. He bought me a flower and all my drinks the rest of the night. Well that should have been my first and only red flag to run, but I didn’t! But stupid, naive me (never dealing with a sociopath before that is) fell for his good looks, as he was 6’1″, blond and blue eyes and had a football player’s body!
Well he told me he had to catch a bus in the morning to Fargo, ND to his mother’s house that he could not miss. I had NO idea he was just let out of prison! Well we proceeded to drink and get totally drunk that night and ended up at my cozy apartment that I lived in alone. The next morning we overslept and he missed his bus (which he should not have because he was to report to Fargo, ND to set up his parole!) and he wasn’t overly upset about it. So he stayed on at my house…the first couple of days I thought nothing of it but then I wondered, well, if you are not worried about getting to Fargo, why aren’t you finding a job then?! And at first he was so attentive … he would open the door for me … carry the groceries … cook and clean for me … etc … but was on the computer playing poker and needed his beer constantly like he hadn’t had it in years (which he hadn’t and I didn’t know that … yet!). Well … finally … my snoopiness (detectiveness) got the best of me and I looked through his belongings in my car trunk. I found parole papers! And I thought … Oh my god! But I was already in Love (lust) with the jerk! So I thought, okay … he loves me … we can make this work … so what if he is on parole.
Stranded
So for awhile, I went to work at my waitress job and picked up beer daily and we drank daily. I relaxed while he sat on the computer playing poker and smoking his cigs and drinking his beer. (He was also emailing many other women I found out later after only being at my place a week!) We then took a weekend trip to North Dakota that turned into a week long trip of me being stranded with no money up there and having to pawn off my 1/3 carat diamond ring to get gas to get home with. Then there was the matter of having to straighten out the bad checks mess he had conned me into writing for beer, food, etc … while in North Dakota (Not to mention the two bar tables he conned out of a bar owner, one of which has his pic on it when he worked there in college)!
And let me add, while he was wooing me at the bar when I met him, he had told me things like he had been a professional football player in Canada. He said he was a college graduate from Jamestown, ND (which was true when I talked to his ex-wife on the phone once), and many, many other lies of great magnitude!
Anyway, we get back from ND and things resume … I am job hunting cause I lost my job at due to us not being able to make it back from being stranded up there! I get a waitress job at Denny’s restaurant then and keep working and coming home with beer (what a enabler I was for god’s sake!) and drinking. All the while he is wooing me with comments like, “I will love you till the end of the earth,” and still cooking for me, etc …
Drums up a story
Then one weekend he drums up the story that they called him from his old professional football team in Canada and they wanted him back and that he had to leave for the weekend (which was Labor Day weekend) for tryouts again. Well as stupid as I was, I believed him (sort of) BUT was beginning to wonder at this point. Well he said some woman was coming to pick him up for this trip … and that is when I KNEW something was not right! My gut said … check into this! So anyhow, I had also bought him bottles of vodka besides the beer … he asked me to go get him a little bottle before he left. He claimed he really didn’t want to leave me. Well he even got to the point of being teary-eyed (which was probably all a act now that I think about it) when he was saying goodbye. He packed my 4 man tent with him, which I don’t know why, but he had a lie for that too! This all happened about 2 years ago so it’s getting a bit fuzzy now trying to recall everything.
But, I was alone … he was gone … I had my computer. I had been married to a computer network engineer and was not totally computer illiterate and had a college education (B.S. in Psychology with a Criminal Justice minor). I started pulling up web pages he had been too and somehow was able to recover his password by using my credit card to pay for a website he had been too. By luck it was the same password he had used for hotmail and yahoo and everything! Jackpot!
I read everything in and out and figured out where he went! He met a woman from Narcotics Anonymous in Iowa and went to a church camp retreat with her that Labor Day weekend! Well as good as I am with my detectiveness (lol), I called Narcotics Anonymous and got her phone number (cell even!) and called her and him up! I called and harassed them ALL weekend to the point she said she was going to call her lawyer … and I said DO IT! Cause I knew I had him! He was running from the law … but she had bought in to all his lies and was treating me like crap! Well I even called the cops to go get him arrested at this camp … but do you think the cops believed me! HELL NO … DO THEY EVER! So … I guess I had to drop it at this point.
But about a month later I got a call from her and she said … “Okay … I believe you now. He just took off to get some stuff of his in North Dakota and he never came back with the rental car so I filed grand theft charges. Well I gave her all the info she needed to find him but told her she better drop the grand theft charges cause she might be liable somehow for letting him take the car that was in her name! She must have listened cause I never heard he was charged with that, but all my work paid off and he went back to prison for 8 months for being AWOL!
Still in love
But it doesn’t end here … I was still in love with the jerk! I wrote to him in prison (90 miles away) and we started corresponding to the point I was hooked again. I sent him stuff, money, letters, and visited faithfully like any good woman (blindly in love) would do! I went as far as finding a house close to the prison when he got work release so he could come visit me every chance he got! Then when he got out of work release, he moved in with me for a bit but was determined to find his own place. That I thought was a dead giveaway he did not care for me after all.
He was saying his parole officer told him he had to do this and that. But a lot of it did not make sense to me since the other people I was talking to about this said differently. I had many more doubts in my mind at this time! So he got his own little apartment and then I moved from my house to an apartment closer to his. We hung out and drank a lot more, but there were times he wanted me to leave. Geez … I am not that stupid when someone is trying to ditch me!
Married in 3 weeks
Anyway, my suspicions grew and I would check up on him all the time. And then he started to be more distant. Then one day around the end of October around Halloween … he all of a sudden quit coming over, quit calling, a absolute no show! No word from him ever again … he would not answer my phone calls and he was never home. I then found out later he met a woman on singlesnet online and married her within 3 weeks of meeting her! Well I then followed him home after work one night and figured out where he now lived and then saw him and her together and figured out what she drove. I then figured out where she worked and followed her home from work one day and told her this whole exact story! That is when she said, “Thanks … I think.” But I did have many emails and phone calls from his family during this duration and even his own mother and daughter said I was better off without him! If that isn’t a sociopath … I don’t know what is!
written by Lovefraud Reader • Permalink •
one_step_at_a_time says:
Kim – The landscape was very beautiful in the forest; the view from the tree tops was stunning. I think the movie wins my ‘worst use of special effects ever’ award for the scene where he runs up the hill with her on his back. I mean, really.
Glad your first kiss wasn’t on your neck.
Silvermoon – the young women/ girls i have known tend toward romanticism. I don’t know if it is the pooling estrogen that does it. they tend to view their loves and infatuations as epic.
these movies with BIG stories, only serve to take them further from reality, you know a REAL love, and into STORY. this is the danger I see.
I wish the institutions (both organizational and human) you described existed for me. I have long wished for a community to vet potential partners, it just makes sense. That said, I did grow up in a small community, that didn’t function in this way. Any future possibilities will be vetted here and by my two closest friends. Mind you, y’all might be passed away by the time I consider someone else.
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kim frederick says:
Yeah, I mean, HE TELLS HER HE’S A VAMPIRE. SHE KEEPS HIS SECRET. SHE IS WILLING TO DIE FOR LOVE. SHE IS TOO IN LOVE TO GET AWAY.
Of course there’s a happy ending.
This is the ideology that breeds victims.
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tobehappy says:
My girls were so into the Twighlight movies. Thats why they make them….to appeal to the young girls with their hormones raging! Its all about the money.
All I know is that what my girls saw me go through with my xhusb and men..and how I am now teaching them not to trust unconditionally…they, hopefully, won’t jump into r/s’s with the wrong men. If I’m alive,….they surely won’t!
I also don’t think my girls..with the confidence I instilled in them, will have to live with the “trauma bond” that I have..and they won’t have the attraction to abusers.
That was my goal in life….get the Sociopath out of their lives…so they won’t have to repeat MY cycle of abuse in their lives. Had I stayed married to the S ..they wouldn’t be who they are today….Secure, Tough, and confident.
Had I stayed in that disgusting marriage to him, they would have learned to take abuse and he would have knocked their self esteem to the curb.
So..my mission has been accomplished. I raised 3 healthy normal confident and happy girls.
Now, Mom has to get her act together!
I only see good happenning to me in my life now.
I have my goals…get into physical shape and of course, I am working on getting my emotions in order.
PS Feel much better today with the stomach stuff. Eating bland and lots of yogurt today. I think its a mixture of a viral infection (my neighbor has it too) and nerves and stress.
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erin1972 says:
Hi tobe and everyone. I got groceries and lunch and I am ready to do chores on this gorgeous day. I can’t wait until I can afford to replace my bike. I want to go ride SO bad!
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tobehappy says:
Erin..I am “addicted” to my bike. I bought a Raleigh, white with a really comfortable seat and shock absorbers! I actually quit smoking for a whole year just riding for 6 hour clips.I’d ride down to the bay beaches here…about 3-5 miles each way! Its awesome.
I can’t wait till this cold rainy weather in Jersey goes away! Its been cold since October!
My goal is to lose alot of weight.Its good head therapy too.
I lost 20 lbs in a few weeks out on that bike!
Wish we lived close to ride together!!!
I live very close to Donna…the owner of this site!
Anyway….gotta load the dishwasher. Ugh….
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ErinBrock says:
Kim:
“Oh, charred heart, will you ever be a marshmellow again? ”
Charred heart responds:……Yes my dear….just peel off the burned parts ….and I will be white and fluffy underneath……I may be a bit gooey, but it’s only the protection from further charring!
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erin1972 says:
tobe-I miss my bike SO bad. I have been with out it since fall of2008. It was stolen off my screened porch after the hurricane Gustav. I had a TREK Hybrid. I have picked out a new one. Our streets are so bad down here so I am going for a TREK mountain bike with good shocks and I will replace the seat with a bigger more comfy one. The mountain bike seats are very narrow and hard from my prior experience. I wish we lived closer too. I have no one to ride with. The only people I know that do are two male spath cowlrkers and that ain’t happening! Ond of them already asked me if I wanted to bike to work with him and I made up an excuse to get out of that. Our city is so horribly dangerous and the criminals are sobrazen that I may have to strap my small gun to my ankle if I want to go on some decent rides. It is getting scarier here. That’s why they need me out there as a cop!!:)
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tobehappy says:
Erin B….LOVE IT!!!
I just contacted a woman I lived with 16 yrs ago..before I met my x socio. She was a travel nurse and we lived together and I found her in California!
All good things…..new life.
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ErinBrock says:
2B:
When we open ourselves up……we will get filled up!
Good for you…connection is important….and so is going back to remembering the good ol days!!
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silvermoon says:
Erin,
Like you, I have seen abject stupidity organized and practiced by the church and its community as though there were no relations between scripture and the real world that we live in.
And stupidity happens without religious counsel too. And stupid is different from ignorant and sadly mistaken from that.
I wish I knew what was true with a certainty unwavering these days. What feels correct is the notion of something larger than we are, some spark which is at the center of our being which can be ignited to some power or reason beyond who we are as one person here or there.
It has been my experience to find peace in the fleeting connections with it and strength and healing in the notion that it loves and forgives without judgement- unconditionally.
If it is in me, then I must be able to see it in others and if I can find peace, we can find peace.
But overall, I would also say my experience with people interpreting it it all for me especially when their livelihoods depend on it and they lack firsthand knowledge of what we have been through. Without being one of us -how could they?
But all of the concepts that are true are part of our healing process – learning love, forgiveness and acceptance of the way things are NOW.
I guess I feel like the kind of luck I’ve had in all this so far was something beyond what I made happen – and it haas served to show me that true essence of my being and give me the hope of a toxicity free future from the faith in the things I am learning and realizing in the information and stories I now see which I did not before.
The stories of the stupid things people do and have done in the name of relate to the things people do perhaps more than what is true of the nature of spirit and that things which connecting to it can mean to us.
At least this is what I am working out in my mind.
It seems good to think on it today, because if I allow myself concious thought, It spins back around to the ghost and trying to figure out what it is that haunts me besides the part of me that so badly wanted that nurture.
I guess talking to his wife has really triggered a lot of questions about him that the answers to them don’t change what he is or what I will do, but just open that pandora’s box of uncertainty.
I know what he did when I could see him, I’ve learned what was going on when I wasn’t looking and what he neglected to mention at least in part and now, I have that gnawing feeling that just says there is a lot more going on than meets the eyes and whether I like it or not, I have to find peace with that.
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erin1972 says:
Silver-my mom threw her religious interpretations in my face since I was a baby and it made me very resentful. It kept her from understanding me andher being in touch with any sort of reality. People like that need to realize that we all come to God in our own way and the way I relate to God is different than the way others do. God didn’t mean for us all to be identical. My mother and her family refuse to try to understand that.
My mother and her sisters refuse to get health insurance, even though they can afford it , because they say that Jesus will take care of me. In 2006 my mom had a brain aneurysm and she is lucky to be here. Her medical bills were in excess of 250,000 dollars-the hospital stay with three days in ICU , the actual brain surgery and physician, anesthesiologist, the ambulance ride. She wrote a letter to them all telling her sob story about my dad divorcing her the year before and half of the bill was written off. It’s one thing to have faith , but I feel she was gambling. I don’t understand that thought process.
I just became eligible for insurance at my job and I bought the best plan I could get. It’s taken out pre-tax, so the government gets a little less of my money.
I also spoke to my ex’s wife for awhile but had to stop because she started to get really mean. She is in denial about him. I was the fourth woman that he was caught with and she was very very jealous of me. The other women were just little short term flings and he and I were together for a year. In HER mind, he was IN LOVE with me. I am 16 yrs younger and beautiful and she is very plain and not considered exciting. Her self esteem is way lower than mine.
AT first, she wanted to compare notes to find out what lies he had told. Then she got ugly and started telling me lies. All of the questioning that I have been doing for months and months are from talking to her. It was NOT at all to my advantage to do that. Now I just have to put those questions out of my mind and not let them gnaw at me, because I will never know the answers to them.
All I can say is good riddance to bad garbage and thank God she took him back again-better her than me!!
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silvermoon says:
People do the strangest things in the name of- I don’t get it.
I am all of a month into all of this. It isn’t something I’ve had a lot of time to process.
I realize its not to advantage to over do it. There are good reasons to have big questions, but the answers don’t matter and in fact, better that I not.
All I can do now is find that place of peace and BE THERE.
What is going to unfold, will.
We are all fortunate who find freedom, however it comes.
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erin1972 says:
silver-I wholeheartedly agree with you on that. I am trying to stay as peaceful as I can possibly be and I am so glad that i am FREE of him. I recognize him for what he is-EVIL and he will not change. He can keep buying off the wife with gifts to keep her sticking around. Better her than me! Keep on keepin’ on-you’re makin’ it just fine!
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silvermoon says:
Hope she likes really expensive stuff and the only taste she has is in her mouth! Bless her heart…LOL!:)
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erin1972 says:
She once told me that he didn’t love me cuz he didn’t buy me expensive jewelry like he did her. That is a warped definition of love. It’s kind of pathetic. All the money in the world wouldn’t let him back in my life cuz I have rules now. I’m going to command and demand respect-thanks to Steve Harvey for educating me!
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hens says:
Silvermoom – You seem to be doing really good~! I am 2 years away from ‘it’. I remember obsessing so much about ‘what just happened’ I analyzed the crap out of every detail from the moment I first layed eyes on him to the moment I kicked him to the curb. I wanted closure, I wanted my identity back, I just wanted to stop hurting and stop thinking about it. Even now I will never have all the answers, but as time goes by and my sense of self returns the answers come at the right time, and the questions are not as important.
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tobehappy says:
Hey guys..just got up from a nap.
Erin…you went through the bargaining stage…trying to figure out if he really loved you.
He isn’t CAPABLE of love. He will go through life like a little lost boy, grasping onto whatever SUPPLY he can get. Bottom line.
The wife is just as sick as him, poor thing. She sounds like a SOCIO herself. They belong together.
Now, the bargaining stage is over…the anger stage is over and its normal to grieve for awhile…but DON”T get STUCK here.
You were involved with a SICK DISORDERED man. Now it over. You are gettting HEALTHY. We are not going to use the victim mentality anymore…you were a victim of your CHILDHOOD and when you read the Betrayal Bond, it will make you work through that INNER CHILD healing. As you do, you won’t think about what he was in your life anymore. You will be PROCESSING what happenned to you as a child that made you attrack abuse in your life..over and over.
Thats where I am at. I rarely even think of the xmonster. If he pops in my head..I immediately think of what I am going to look like 6 months from now..Smiling , thin, in my jeans again…happy with friends. Going through life SO much smarter, wiser, and STRONGER!
You are not broken. He is . You are on your way to a new life. A NEW stronger Erin. You are doing whatever it takes to learn and grow and become the beautiful Erin you are!
You are never alone. You have yourself. You have “GOD” inside of you …guiding you and giving you WISDOM. Just listen to your “inner guidance” and you will be fine.
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myboysmattermost says:
Whoa…10 a.m. tomorrow is deadline for stbx to contest the divorce…two text messages tonight…first time I have heard from him in the last 20 days.
The first one is from his “mother” – “myboys, stbx wants this to stop. Please let him come home to his wife and family. This marriage deserves a second chance.”
The second one – “my boys, you are both soulmates. Stbx loves you and the boys. Forever and a day. You know that.”
I have tears running down my face but want to stay strong, strong, strong. I am almost there as far as the divorce goes.
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hens says:
myboysmatter you are in my thoughts hang tuff….~!
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tobehappy says:
I don’t know your story…but it sounds like a lot of MANIPULATION from that family!!!
Stick to your guns..Same thing happenned to me.
Xhusb Socio thought I would NEVER show up for the final divorce…
He came to my house crying the night before.
What the DEVIL will do to temp us???
I showed…divorced the SOCIOPATH and raised 3 beautiful girls ALONE…..
If not…the “ABUSE CYCLE” would be repeated in my family….forever and ever.
GOD Helped us!!! I stayed strong……
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kim frederick says:
Myboys, You’re soo close. You can do this. I second Hen’s, hang tuff…almost over.
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kim frederick says:
Hey Hens, How’s your biscuit?
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tobehappy says:
I am listening to Desparate Houswives.
Do you realize that every soap opera, song, movie, etc..
is all about love and betrayal and obsession?
This is life. People who have WISDOM can discern good from evil and avoid evil and have nice lives.
What is WISDOM? Its listening to your gut feeling.
Our screwed up childhoods set us up for abuse.
Bottom line.
And I broke the mold for my girls.
THANK GOD!
My 2 socio sisters became the monster they couldn’t beat…and now thier girls are all screwed up…attracting abusers…living with alcoholic men who go into rages..etc.
no confidence in themselves…..
I thank God that I have the WISDOM now to have inner peace and live a happy life!!!
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one_step_at_a_time says:
(((((Myboys)))) – it’s the sprint now. it’s okay. delete the lying texts. XX
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erin1972 says:
tobe-I’m not into asking questions about him anymore. What he did or didn’t do doesn’t matter becasue he never loved me to begin with. I’m not concerned with it anymore. It’s just disgusting and pathetic and what comes around goes around. I don’t care anymore. It’s all about me.
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kim frederick says:
Okay, all. Guess I’m signing off, too. Night night eveybody.
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silvermoon says:
Hens,
Thanks. Don’t know if I could go through this for two years. I’ve been pretty far upside down the last few weeks.
The contact with the woman he is married to really triggered some ouch. The feeling of having my guts ripped out by the blatant lies came roaring back and I have been fighting to stay present all day. His path and mine are seperated. All there is, is letting go. Is being here now. Is making the decision not to remember what I loved. Is making the decision not to dwell on what he should have done, but just to take care of the part of me that needed to hear those words.
And it falls like a great wall to realize that it has been a lifetime of these psychos because of the unmet needs from early days which gave birth to the voice inside that kept asking do you love me – and for all these years, I did not understand that it was asking for something entirely different than what I thought I was looking for.
Now I can answer this inner child with a mother’s love – my own and she will still. And I will be able to go forward. Even if in these early days my steps are small and tentative. I can take them.
What time it takes feels like it is going to be a while to reach stride even if I laid down the burdens of the years. There is the whole issue of the terrain of days and nights.
Sometimes its steep when new information and new events come up.
Thanks for asking. I just got another fingertip on the edge of the planet and the stronger grip feels good.:)
To fathom that he served me the cruelest insults a man can deliver to a woman with the kindest words I have ever been spoken is a harsh twist.
To unravel that I never knew him nor ever will takes some work to leave hanging in the ether because the betrayal I can observe and put my hands on is so deliberate. Its easy to see that there was no conscience at work. And that there is no recovery. And that I walked right into it.
Well, that was then and this is now. And I have pretty much made it through this day and in as much as I have maintained my decisions to continue forward and stay out of contact with him and worked to find peace in the present I have done the best I can.
Kim, as far as that movie, I have the story and it has all the right stuff. I need a screen writer and about $5M. If we have the resources I think we could win an oscar and I’m not kidding. It is a cross between twilight and raiders of the lost ark and robin hood – Its based on a true story and major historical events. The hero was a spath and people are still looking for his buried treasure 200 years later – his lies were that good.
Do we have the resources? Let me know and we’ll take it offline.
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one_step_at_a_time says:
goodnight Kim!
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tobehappy says:
YAY!!!!!!!
Youv’e reached the point where I am at!!!
I am SO motivated to ride my bike, oil paint…go back to my thrift store..lol….and do things!!
Tomorrow I am taking my daughter by bus..to NYC. I LOVE the ride..I read and relax. It takes an hour..express! She is doing a student film at NYU.
THIS is life..so much to do.
I say to myself…He is DEAD. And, if he died…I would “bury the dead and move on!”
When I think of him..I picture an angry child…still trying to manipulate his way through life…..and then I switch my thoughts to how I will make 2b the best woman she can be!!!
Physically and emotionally. THATS where its at!
I don’t think about ONE thing that happenned in that relationship. Its a WASTE of time for me right now. Its water under the bridge. ITS ALL ABOUT ME now.
Get Louise HAys little book…POWER THOUGHTS. I keep it in my bathroom and open up to any page randomly and I say that affirmation all day long!!! I’m working on ME now.
“IN each and every day..in every way…I’m getting better and better.” Morning prayer.
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silvermoon says:
My boys,
Ok, if its too much to swallow in one bite, wipe your tears and at least make the decision that if you get the divorce and that he can prove beyond the shadow of any doubt he’s not disordered and that your soul business isn’t complete, you can remarry him.
If you really buy that soulmate stuff, there are over 100 of them for every person on the planet and there are good connections and bad connections potential.
I’m betting beyond anyt doubt that you are trading in a black hat for a shot at a white one and that the saving of your children’s psyches is worth not returning the text message or running back into the burning barn.
Make the decision that is before you now. If you decide you won’t answer any of that stuff until Wednesday because until then, you are busy no anvil is going to fall out of the sky.
Find the peace that passes understanding and don’t let the anxiety drive you out of the simple decisions you can make NOW by hooking you into the past or future
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hens says:
Kim, my bisquits is just dandy~!
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myboysmattermost says:
“Ok, if its too much to swallow in one bite, wipe your tears and at least make the decision that if you get the divorce and that he can prove beyond the shadow of any doubt he’s not disordered and that your soul business isn’t complete, you can remarry him.”
That is the decision I have made…why hold the divorce up???
And I have the advantage now as far as the divorce– who is to say this is not to get the advantage and then really screw me up?
The boys do not want him back and have made it clear more than once.
I am going through with the divorce – he can prove it later. And he really need not even try without 90 days minimum in rehab and some serious psychiatric counseling before even contacting me at all…
I have left him before and listened to his promises and when I came back…wasn’t long before it got bad again. And he is not making any promises here anyway…he wants it to stop?? I wanted plenty to stop before we got here…
I have to move on. Kim gave me a real gift when she pointed me to Kathleen’s articles on grieving/healing. I read to stage nine and while I am not quite sure I am there…I am know for sure that I am not beyond that stage – but am further than I thought. I can’t turn back now…
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silvermoon says:
TOWANDA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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ErinBrock says:
wait, wait, wait….MY BOYS….HELLLOOOOOOO
Might I remind you, this is the man you ALSO have a TPO out on!!!
Uh, AND YOU ARE DOUBTING, cuz mommie dearest is texting you?
BOINK BOINK…..
He is fully aware of the divorce papers and what needs to be done by the deadline….and he isn;’t prepared and doesn;t want to bother going through with it…..it’s a hassle….so the 11th hour text, pulling on your heartstrings are all a ploy darlen……
HE SHOULDN”T BE CONTACTING YOU!!!!!! PERIOD…..
You haven’t gone into this divorce idea lightly…..you made your decision, you have the upper hand, so NEVER NEVER Question your own actions Again!!!
Your kids don’t want anything to do with him….he’s mentally unstable and had a history of violance…..HELLLLLOOOOOOOOOO
REMEMBER!!!
Rise above the pity ploy……but remain aware!!!
Let me ask you this…..IS he wourth sacrafice your kids for…(going back)….
Because that’s exactly what yould be doing.
Remain strong girl…..Keep the balance!!!
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kim frederick says:
Myboys, I’m so glad I could help. sometimes I feel speachless, and sometimes I just get silly, but I know how bad it hurts. I have been there. You’re going to be okay.
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erin1972 says:
off the subject but I’m bummed out! I lost my favorite hat that I wear to work. I have searched everywhere for it. Usually at the end of the day I toss it in my purse or stick it in my back pocket. It must have fallen out. Rat bastard-it is SO cute-lime green with hot pink flowers on it-daisies, and it looks so damn cute on me!!
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myboysmattermost says:
I know EB, I know. I don’t even think it is his mom…she would NOT do this. I am SURE she wants me to stay away.
He is not prepared and I am going to win and I bet his attitude changes real fast after that…
And he still doesn’t have a job, the car is gone, the house is almost gone…I want to deal with all that and HIM??? NOT…
He’s never going to change…he still doesn’t realize he’s at fault…I AM supposed to stop. Not going to happen. I don’t know what the future holds but I do know there a divorce in the very near future. I will take it from there…
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ErinBrock says:
He’ll never realize his faults….EVER!!!
Don’t expect it…..
Because he don’t ahve any!
You’ll be okay….just remain strong and focused and prepared for anything….
Just gotta ‘slap ya upside the head’ when i hear you questioning yourself!!!
XXOO
EB
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myboysmattermost says:
I think it just threw me as I did not expect it. He has been so nasty until now and in the 11th hour (as you warned EB) – he pulls out whatever he think will work.
Well, I can at least use them if he does show up/contest it before it is final…not so afraid of me anymore! Did he all of a sudden remember that I have not been beating him for the last 14 years??
This marriage has had a second chance, and a third, and a fourth. This time I am sticking to my guns.
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ErinBrock says:
Oh, I love you, your my soulmate, I’ll always love you, I want our family….BLAH,BLAH, Blah
I”M TERRIFIED OF YOU!!!
Keep those girl….BINGO!!! They might come in handy!!!
They think they writing a new script for divorcing husbands with nasty agendas….
It’s so weird when they think they pave new ground…..
YAWN, YAWN!!!
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tobehappy says:
Myboys…..
You will be destroying your boys if you let him back…
Just think of that!
These Socios have NERVE…after all my xhusb did to me …abandoned me with 3 kids…etc…he had the NERVE to even ask me to cancel the whole thing!
He knew it would wipe out the 15k child support he owed me! Then, he’d come back and leave again.
My attorney warned me of his ploy and then left it up to me.
I cannot believe NOW, that then, I was even considering it????
OMG…I was really pathetic!
Not wise…just letting my rational thinking get clouded…back to “dreamland”….until I woke up again. Thank God!!
Its one last manipulative ploy. Don’t fall for it. Stay strong…think of your boys.
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silvermoon says:
Damn the torpedoes, full divorce ahead!
Enough is enough.
Put the cell phone in the microwave if he doesn’t quit. I hear it only takes a few seconds!
Let your attorney know he’s doing this and do not get in the way of letting your guy do the negotiating for you.
The 11th hour is when being saavy and alert counts!
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hens says:
Erin72 I found that hat today beside the road, i just love it, i look so sexy on my tractor~!
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one_step_at_a_time says:
hens – i hate to tell ya…you are becoming a mirror image of oxy…
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ErinBrock says:
Hens….
With or without the hat….I bet you are one sexy mamma!!!
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erin1972 says:
hens-aw c’mon now-you know that’s just mean! I ordered a new one. THey had one left on e-bay. I hope it gets here soon. I usually wear it on Monday cuz it makes me feel good-tryin to be positive about work cuz I can’t stand my job. If I look cute, I feel better!
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hens says:
miss erin – i aint as good as i once was but i am as good once as i ever was.
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erin1972 says:
hens-you’re pretty funny too!
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hens says:
i try to be miss erin -if i ever become anoying i hope you all let me know.
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hens says:
me and the weiners are off to bed~!
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