Comments on: Forgiveness, sociopathy and choice

By: tobehappy

tobehappy — Sun, 11 Sep 2011 20:25:34 +0000

Gem….My g/f and I always wonder where are cute little children went! I enjoyed those years so much…when I look at the videos its just unbelievable the love we felt for them.
But, they do grow into who they are…and sometimes they get influenced by friends they make…etc.
A girl I worked with raised 3 boys..alone…no help from their father. She is very sweet and loving and now that they are older..they are never there for her. They spend time with their Dad and his new wife and she is abandoned. And she never had problems with them…worked 2 jobs, etc. She is heartbroken…literally. She is slim, a phys.ed. teacher…eats so healthy…and yet, she had a heart attack on the treadmill at the gym! They said it was from the sadness from her boys.

I won’t let that happen. It’s not my girls…but my sisters and my x’s who were so selfish and hurtful. I try to understand that they are “disordered” emotionally and mentally, and I try not to harbor hurt and anger so that it doesn’t eat at me inside. It is what it is. I’m not giving to anyone anymore that doesn’t care about me from the heart.

The years you raised your children were happy years that brought you joy. It was a time that was good. I look back and it seems like another life….and it was. It was a good time, lots of loving and happy times.

Now my girls are teenagers..coming into their own. I did my job and now they can become who they want to be. Soon, they will grow wings and fly and find their own way.

And I accept that. If they choose to love me or hate me…its up to them. I did my best. I’m sure you did too.

I stay away from drinkers..cheaters…disordered people. They can’t be fixed and they will always hurt you. I tried to have a relationship with my sister, but she always lets me down and hurts me. She does this to her friends too. I will never let her back into my world. Her loss. She “loves” my girls…yet she didn’t care if we were all crushed by a fallen house during the storm. Thats not “love” and if I ever see her I will tell her just that. I got her number…one last time.

I want NO ONE in my life who wouldn’t be there for me in a time of crisis. And, even though my circle is small…I know that the few people that love and care about me, are there for me. The rest is history.

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By: geminigirl

geminigirl — Sun, 11 Sep 2011 03:48:52 +0000

To be happy,
thanks for your comments and support. Yes, it IS hard, but you know what? It gets easier the longer I am apart from these miserable excuses for human beings.! I no longer blame myself for giving birth to them, I no longer think,
“Maybe they are right, Im the problem!’{They gaslighted me for YEARS telling me this!}
I no longer feel any love for them, or feel obligated in the slightest to bale the older one out from her usual financial crises.
Im out of the wood, and can now see the trees! I can now look dispassionately at them from a distance and think,
“What sad sorry sick dysfunctional sociopaths!”
I no longer make excuses for them, no they did NOT have a sad unhappy childhood. They had a very good, happy childhood.I worked 2 jobs for years so they could go to ballet, horse riding, jazz ballet classes, skiiing holidays, trips with the school, on and on.Their Dad was sober for most of their childhood, and he was a good Dad to them. He was president of the P&C at their school for years, so he could keep an eye on his girls. He learned to swim, even tho he had a withered right leg from Polio at the age of 15, so he could swim with his precious girls.No, not his fault either.Deprived unhappy childhood? Not guilty !
Time to move on. Ill be like Oxy, and remember the years when they were sweet little kids.
Love,
GemXX

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By: behind_blue_eyes

behind_blue_eyes — Sun, 11 Sep 2011 03:42:35 +0000

tobehappy;

By bad for me for example I mean those with a lifestyle that is unhealthy. For example, I try to avoid those who are heavy drinkers even if they are not abusive.

If I followed that simple rule, I would have stayed away from the x-spath…

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By: tobehappy

tobehappy — Sun, 11 Sep 2011 03:26:14 +0000

I think that if someone is bad for you, you need to let them go, no?

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By: behind_blue_eyes

behind_blue_eyes — Sun, 11 Sep 2011 03:18:36 +0000

tobehappy;

Great advice but don’t make the mistake I made. I cut some bad people out and let others that were not necessarily bad people but nevertheless bad for me slip away.

Then some of the good people moved away or got married. I am now pretty much alone. I know a year from now things will be better, but getting there hurts.

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By: tobehappy

tobehappy — Sun, 11 Sep 2011 02:57:37 +0000

Gemini….

Wow, that must be so hard. I know how you feel. I have relatives who are disgusting too, at young ages…on FB…
tongues out…sexual this and that…foul language.

I am so sick of people I’ve allowed into my life also…that use me and suck me dry and then move on.

I have cut so many people out…and its peaceful. At first, when the phone didn’t ring a zillion times a day…it was weird.

Now, I feel great. I have my space to think, relax and get things done for ME. I don’t miss them and their drama, AT ALL.

I spend time with my girls..my few good friends…and doing thing “I” enjoy. They are SO draining.

I cut out my xbf, who was only in my life as a “friend” and my sister…all in one month. They both used to call me ALL day long…It was all about THEM. When I stopped giving and working around THEIR scheduals,…and stopped listening to THEIR drama…they couldn’t handle it. I was getting nothing out of these relationships. WHen I needed something…they weren’t there for me.

Its disheartening that your own family and people you cared about let you down…but it is what it is. I chose not to accept it. If someone isn’t like me…a giver…a caring person…unselfish…i don’t want them in my life.

Make room now for better people.

I cut them out a few years ago totally…and I felt better. No more disappointments…no more “HUH?” feelings when they let me down….just total peace now.

There are SOME good people out there…and those are the only ones I am letting in.

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By: behind_blue_eyes

behind_blue_eyes — Sun, 11 Sep 2011 02:43:16 +0000

Ana;

Thanks. I need to focus on what I have and not what I don’t have…

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By: Ana

Ana — Sun, 11 Sep 2011 02:08:14 +0000

BBE,
Don’t get me started about leaving NYC!! I’d give my left thumb to live in NYC or Brooklyn (Carol Garndens Area).

Hope you makes lots of nice friends in NYC.

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By: Hens

Hens — Sun, 11 Sep 2011 02:01:09 +0000

dont get me and Louise started on Daniel Craig again….

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By: behind_blue_eyes

behind_blue_eyes — Sun, 11 Sep 2011 01:54:36 +0000

Thanks everyone.

One valuable lesson I have learned is that we all need to stay social no matter the circumstances. Once i get working again, I never plan to fully retire and I intend to be involved with as may organizations as possible.

Also, no more moves. As much as part of me wants to leave NYC, that is not going to put me on the path to long-term friendships.

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