That “need” and “desire” we have for a connectedness and a warm body does make us more vulnerable and in “long distance” relationships where you are only able to see the person in a “best light” when you are with them rarely or just talking on the phone can give us a false sense of their trustworthyness. So I suggest that you be VERY slow with this person and get to oknow them in a wide variety of situations, and I also suggest you get a BACK GROUND check on this individuall from a private investigator and follow up on it. It actually is very inexpensive $250 or so and you can get a list of where they have lived for their adult lives, any criminal convictions, etc. a list of their neighbors (you can call these people) and while that may sound “sneaky” it also will give you some idea about the character of this person and can compare their “stories” to what you know is the truth. If you met this person on-line, be doubly careful.

I hate to sound like a paranoid nut case, but I have found that not everyone presents the “real” them, and I know of quite a few cases (personally) of people who married con-people off the net. Better, I think to be cautious than “caught” again. I didn’t even meet my X-BF-P on the net,, but through an special interest group and had casually known him for 10 years before we started dating. But that did help me eventually get on to his tricks before I married him since some of the women in the group had gone with him when he was still married and I found out about that. By that time, though, I was head over heels for him and it ripped my needy little heart out.

I would love to have a man to snuggle with at night, but I would rather sleep with the dog than another psychopath. NO JOKE! At least I KNOW the dog loves me! LOL

(Report abusive comment)

Dear LTL,

Sometimes I will go lie on the couch to sleep- because it doesn’t feel so lonely to sleep alone when you are on a couch as it is not somewhere two people COULD sleep.

Oxy I wish I could give you a hug.
– I have spent so many months on the couch trying to come to terms with sleeping alone. I light a fire in the fireplace at the slightest hint of cold as it soothes me and I go to sleep reading – sometimes fully clothed I wake up in the same position I fell asleep.

I finally forced myself first to sleep with my children and then to move to my own bed. I’m there and it is not always easy.

I have just started to date someone but he lives an airplane ride away – which is better for me so I can take it real slow – as I fear my eagerness for the warm body will cause me to minimize things that should concern me.

Sending you wishes for a wonderful loving warm body to come into your life.

(Report abusive comment)

Yes, I most certainly did need to apologize to you even if it came about by the reproachful email from Donna.

I went overboard, angry in protective mode, disregarding your feelings and I was wrong.

Partaking of the humble pie is necessary and beneficial for me when I deserve it. Keeps me from putting on airs.

Also, if I’m going to continually announce to being a grown up, a full fledged adult, well…I should accept accountability for any wrong doings, mean words and actions I commit.

I will never reach that special place of true emotional, psychological and spiritual growth and enrichment I am seeking if I behave less than what the Lord wishes for me.

So, I will strive from here on to treat others as I would have them treat me.

Doesn’t mean I’m going to allow the cluster Bs and the garden variety weirdos and freaks to have a go at me. Uh, no. Completely different ball game with entirely different dynamics in that arena. Know what I’m saying?

Anyway, peace and joy and love to you.

(Report abusive comment)

I cannot help but copy/paste and repost your comments. This is where I see no difference between as you say “you” and “us” — I share these same sentiments and feelings. I just could never put it together so straight and to the point. Other than saying things like “we need to recognize the postive and negative and strengths and weaknesses in different personalities and learn from all of them” everyone has something to offer in this world.

Anyway because your words really resonated with me I just have to post them again.

Autisticsouls/Mike wrote :

my main interest is to work towards more harmonious society. A more harmonious society means a more moral and ethical one. To get there education and understanding of human natures is crucial.

Interest in different personality types is due to recognizing all their different gifts to humanity as well as figuring out how to stabilize and stregthen their weaknesses. All personality types have stregths and weknesses and their own special gifts to share with the world.

The psychopath is the only one that seems void of anything good and true or to hold any positive elements that can ultimately serve society and humanity. Any contributions they make seem only superficial or short term. It is also the one personality that seems to keep our social evolution from getting to a better place. Stunting us all and holding us all back. All personality types may clash at times, but still can strive for a common goal and have good things to contribute to one another, all can be very complementry if nurtured and supported enough. But the psychpath, holds us all back, keeps us all prisoners. affects our ability to trust, keeps us defensive and wary, affects every area of society in a negative hold. It is a disease and cancer upon us all.

JUST AN EXCELLENT EXCELLENT POST HERE AT LF IN MY OPINION. Thank you.

(Report abusive comment)

(Report abusive comment)

Mike, this conversation is making it more and more clear why workplace issues belong here. Thanks for talking about what you’re going through.

Kathy

(Report abusive comment)

Since you said up yonder how good a cheerleader I am, I have a great cheer of my own to share with you—

“Rah-rah-ree, kick em in the knee!!
Rah-rah-ruts…kick em in the other knee!!”

teehee

(Report abusive comment)

This is when ‘they’ capitalize on “She’s crazy’ ……look at her!
And unfortunatley…..THAT behavior is all others see!

We are justified in ‘cracking’,given what we have endured…..
BUT….it is VITAL….the ‘cracks’ DO NOT show in public!!!

I cracked once……in front of my mother…..
I was just released from my life threatening gig and hospitalization, kids came home that night….S showed back up….I was very very sick….and on blood thinners and heart meds…etc….
The S slammed our son up against the wall and hit him….I was so pissed, frusterated ….the police were called by the kids….there was NOTHING i could do to protect them at that moment….the S capitalized on this moment….and realed in my mother…sitting in the living room gossiping very loudley about this child….after the policeleft.
From my bedroom, after stewing for hours about how he had abused teh kids and I couldn’t do anything…..I threw all my pills at the wall….like 10 bottles….pills went flying everywhere….I got the strength to get out of bed and crawl to the door and his shoes were by the door…..I opened the door and told them both to shut the fuc up and they looked at me as if I was a martian…..so I started hucking the shoes at him from about 30 feet away…..yelling I hate you, your doing exactly what we discussed you wouldn’t do…..and your talking shit about the kids in earshot of them with their grandmother…. I certainly looked likethe crazy woman….and at that moment….he sucked my mother right in with….she’s mentally ill…..he slept downstairs in the room next to my mothers and removed all the knives out of the kitchen telling my mother he was afraid I would kill him in the night!
NOW…..how’d he turn that situation around an onto me….HE was the abusive one that night….and I flipped out (rightfully so) and now HE is the one scared…..mother bought right into it….
He provoked….I played right into it!
Things would have been so different if I had of found the control that night….in front of my mother….but he played that card for the next 2 years….saying Ido that all the time….NOT!!! I’ve never lost it like that….ever….but this is what they want….and to do it in front of others….he was able to sever my relationship and discount me to my mother…. and exploit me from there…I was the ‘unstable’ one….

SO…..at ALL costs…..we must remain INCONTROL!!!!!!!

(Report abusive comment)

In my case my son had a tramatic experience early in his childhood. His father suicided, and my small son was in the house with him alone until I returned home from work.

And so although I knew that he might be “at risk” for something, enduring what he endured, I wasn’t aware of what the REAL risk was. I knew nothing about personality disorders, even though I strongly suspect his father was one,(now) I didn’t have enough knowledge at the time to put my finger on it. My son initially went to see a “specialist” but he wasn’t even 4 yrs old at the time. So the specialist gave his opinion, that my son didn’t “see” it (suicide) “happen” and that was the end of that. The specialist NEVER mentioned to me anything about my sons development possibly being “arrested” or anything else to alarm me. I was already alarmed from my own perspective of what I thought. However I was still nieve to the possibilities that lay ahead.

I thought that love would be enough. I thought that if I raised him to the best of my ability, certainly I would see the EARLY signs if something were wrong, if I was paying attention. Everything seemed fine with him until puberty. And then it was like waking up in a nightmare. Because overnight he was not the same child. It was truly a frightening experience, early on. And I looked for intervention, but there was none. I really thought that he was still young enough to get help. And I needed help from the medical profession. But it isn’t out there. The question that I was asked over and over again : “Has he broken the law?”

You are right Mike, this is not something anyone can deal with alone. Even if a parent does recognize that there is a problem with their child and they are showing the signs….Of a sociopathic disorder. No one wants to believe you. It would take a team to intervine. I couldn’t even find a good therapist for him. He went to counseling and managed to lie to the counselor.
Being that my son might have both the genetic factor and also a tramatic experience young in his life, I will never know which component had more to do with the outcome. I am not sure that knowing would even be helpful at this point. But I certainly do wish that I had an awareness of personality disorders and that my child was at risk. Because when I thought I was raising an “at risk” child after the tramatic event he suffered, I thought the “risk” was something totally different than what it was.
I didn’t educate myself to any of this until I came face to face with something that I couldn’t define w/o further knowledge.

I am glad that your wife found Lf Mike, and glad that you are here.

(Report abusive comment)

What I did do was skim it as when I read about the proposed law in France it gave me shivers. You see I believe that that law will in fact be used more by S/N/P’s to further torture their victims rather than as protection. I think Nicolaid is correct. This is not the best use of legal services. To me – the thing I most desire to do – is to create a program like DARE or MADD to bring into schools and teach 10/11/12/13/14 year olds about this. They already know kids in their classes like this. They see it around them but have no tools – no way to know what to do. I believe shunning the S/N/P’s is the best course of action. Safest for the rest of us and most devastating to them as they hate not having an audience – at least the S and N’s – the P’s probably don’t care.

To me the victims – often suffering Stockholm Syndrome – may behave in ways that destroy their credibility – I say this as someone who experienced that very thing.

In hindsight I would say that I was vulnerable (immediately post divorce relationship was when I came together with my ex – an S/N)… and he did indeed groom me – he used to joke about training me – now I know it was not a joke – he used to say Nicole Brown Simpson deserved what she got – I now know he was meant it and was not saying it for shock value. He would say this openly to me and others and we all would razz him. He insisted – and it all seemed so outlandish I could not mentally grasp that anyone would believe such things and so I rationalized his behavior to my own detriment.

I believe – as my sister had married an S and he is creating an ongoing hell for her and damaging his two sons – one since childhood I can see will follow in his fathers footsteps and I do not allow my daughters to be with him alone. My sister’s ex has dragged her into court repeatedly – he has money she does not. He is trying to destroy her financially and emotionally. A law like that he would turn and use to try and paint her as the abuser. The pressure of psychological abuse can cause the abused to act in abusive ways as well – in trying to fight back and while stressed the abused is not thinking of how to collect evidence or protect oneself – they simply want to survive – BUT the abuser is all along collecting evidence that could paint the abused very badly in a court case. I think this is a dangerous law.

I am not a trained anything by the way – in terms of psychology – but I have a lot of personal experience and have spent several years coming to terms with and understanding disordered personalities. These are just my thoughts on reading of the proposed law.

(Report abusive comment)