New year, new Lovefraud Blog
PDF Happy New Year to all Lovefraud readers! I hope you’ve had peaceful holidays, and I hope the New Year brings you strength and healing.
We’ve just completed an upgrade of the Lovefraud Blog software so that we’re now using the most current version of WordPress. Hopefully this will solve the problem that some of you have had with losing posts. If you notice any difficulties, please send an e-mail to donna@lovefraud.com.
With this upgrade, we’ve implemented some new features:
Enhanced search
When you type a search term into the box at the top of the left column, you’ll see a quick listing of articles and comments that match the search term. You can also use a Lovefraud reader’s screen name as a search term, to see recent comments posted by that user.
When you hit return after typing in your search term, the main blog window will show you posts that contain the term.
Easier archive search
We’ve changed the structure of how articles are indexed under “Categories” to make it easier for you to find what you want to read. Headlines are now listed in alphabetical order without the initial paragraphs of text so you can quickly scan the topics.
Twitter and Facebook
You can now follow Lovefraud on both Twitter and Facebook. Just click on the icons at the top of the left column.
If you’re a Facebook user, please sign up as a fan. Lovefraud is dedicated to educating people about sociopaths, and helping those who’ve been victimized recover. The more people who know about Lovefraud, the safer we’ll all be.
Advertise on Lovefraud
If you have a product or service that you’d like to promote to Lovefraud readers, you can now advertise—easily—on the Lovefraud Blog. We’ll soon be implementing the advertising opportunities on the main Lovefraud website as well.
For information on ad availability and costs, click the “Advertise on Lovefraud” button in the right column on the blog.
Book publication in the spring
All these changes are in preparation for a big year for Lovefraud. My book will be published in the spring. When it is, I’ll be working hard to draw more attention—in the media, on the Internet, and among everyday people—to the dire problem of sociopaths living among us.
In 2010, keep your eyes on Lovefraud.
written by Donna Andersen • Permalink •
OxDrover says:
Donna, THANKS for these upgrades! Thanks also for ALL the work that you do for LF!!! (((BUIG hugs))))
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Stargazer says:
Thanks for the upgrades, Donna. I was thinking how great it would be to get instant notifications when someone replies to a blog we have posted on, too. But then I realized that might not be “safe” for some members who are still living with unsafe people. This site is a godsend. Thanks for doing this for us.
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recovering says:
Exciting news Donna!
You should be proud of the evolution of this site that you gave birth to.
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ronalfy says:
This is a test comment.
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ErinBrock says:
Donna:
Love the change…..THANK YOU and Much congratulations on your book!!!!
Thanks for all you do……we WILL educate!!!!
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justabouthealed says:
thank you Donna for keeping our usernames out of the search. When I began posting, I didn’t envision facebook links and all that and I got careless with personally identifying information about myself. But at least if someone can’t search by our user name, it makes it harder for a snoop or an x to find all our postings, put our story together even years after the fact.
I like the way , too, that the author’s blogs are presented now. I’m reading much GREAT stuff that I missed before.
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henry says:
I noticed the facebook and twitter icons on the new blog. Being technically challenged as I am, I was wondering if somebody could find me here by going to facebook? I dont ever post much on facebook but my name and some basic info are there. I’ve been blogging here for two years using one of my real name’s ‘henry’. The only one I fear finding me here is ‘you know who’. I found his name and profile on facebook, he used a picture I took of him on his profile. I blocked him, I hope that means he cant access my name on face book. I cant find his again after I blocked him. Time to change user name on here I guess.
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LouiseGolem says:
I have to admit that I have a somewhat similar fear that Henry has. My name here is not, of course, my actual name, but someone who knows me as well as my s/p/n does might be able to figure it out. Is it possible that making this forum accessible to Twitter and Facebook could make it also prey to possible sexual predators there who would get a kick out of eavesdropping, or posing as victims themselves? (I only say this because, although I know Facebook recently made attempts to cut back on sexual predators, my ex- is still active on Facebook, and enjoys cruising around, checking out groups, chicks, and my friends (I had to pull my own profile off FB). And of course, he is quite the master of disguises .
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pollyannanomore says:
My ex is VERY active on facebook … has a circle of women he flirts with – I deleted and blocked him too but I know he’s on there all the time.
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justabouthealed says:
Henry. If you block someone on facebook, they can’t “see” you anymore, but if they register again with a fake name, they can. Under privacy settings, you can control things so “only friends” can see your stuff, you can even opt out of all searches. Also by the list of your friends on your profile, you can click on the pencil and uncheck the box about your list of friends showing. You can also register under a fake name for fb (you need a second email account) and then see EXACTLY what shows up to strangers, to double check it all.
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justabouthealed says:
I think it is important for the word to get out about lovefraud. Donna has the report abuse button. And no one can search on the user name, so it is hard to piece it all together. If there is a particularly revealing post about yourself that you are concerned about, I’m sure if you contact Donna about it, you two can figure out if it should be deleted, edited , or what. Donna is very kind.
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Donna Andersen says:
Lovefraud has a Facebook Fan page. When a new article is posted on the Lovefraud Blog, the headline and first sentence or so appears on Facebook, with a link so that people can come here to read the entire article if they choose.
None of the comments from the Lovefraud Blog appear on Facebook. None of the user names from the blog appear on Facebook.
Personally, I don’t think having the Facebook Fan page increases anyone’s risk. I do think it helps get the word out about Lovefraud, so that people can figure out what happened to them if they’ve been snagged by a sociopath. Better yet, maybe people will learn the warning signs to prevent getting involved in the first place.
Still, everyone should be cautious about posting personally identifiable information. That’s why we don’t want real names or email addresses in the blog comments.
About searching for user names – with our new search feature, you can search for comments posted by a particular user name. People have asked for that, because they’ve forgotten where they posted their own comments.
However, no one can find out the email address associated with a particular user name.
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henry says:
HMMM – well say goodbye to henry – but I’ll be back as someone else…
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OxDrover says:
You know, there was a time when I might have cared if my egg donor or someone else saw what I have written here on LF, but I am at a point where I really don’t care about that any more. I’m not worried about it, and if you ARE worried that someone may see you are a fan of LF on FB, then just don’t register as a fan of LF on FB—no big deal.
BTW guys, this is the first time I have been able to check in on LF since I “ran away from home” the other day and am in Ft. Worth visiting my best friend of 30 years. We have been doing all kinds of FUN things and having a great GREAT Time. Hit every flea market and used book store in the area and off to find more tomorrow and then to see the Ft. Worth Fat Stock Show and Rodeo and who knows what else. Might even go see the Cowboy’s old football stadium imploded here soon–they are going to let the public watch I heard on the news tonight!
Went to late lunch the other day in a great Tex-Mex place and food was WONDERFUL (oh, yes, I ammmm getting soooo faaat!) but service was TERRIBLE and the place was nearly empty after lunch crowd left and before supper, so NO excuse for lousy service! So I went very NICELY to the manager (a nice guy) and told him about the lousy service details, and that I had waited my share of tables in my time and that I was really sorry to have to report this but I thought with such lovely food and establishment he might like to know! Well, we have two free dinners there any time we would like and I bet’ya the little waitress will either give better service next time or be finding another job. I was SO PROUD of myself!
I’m still kinda stressed feeling but it sure is good to get away from home for a while, and to be with someone who knows everything about me, and STILL LOVES ME IN SPITE OF THAT!!!
I hope all of you are doing well and working hard on taking care of YOURSELVES!!! You are all in my thoughts and prayers! Love and big hugs Oxy
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justabouthealed says:
I don’t mind it bringing up recent comments by an author, and only recent ones. That is fair. We now know that this feature is there. I just wouldn’t want someone who suspected who I was to be able to pull up all my comments in one huge long list and make it easy to see all my comments and piece it all together.
For one thing, I wouldn’t want the P/S/N to have the satisfaction of seeing my pain. I at least don’t want it to be easy for them to read through ALL my comments in one long huge list. So glad that is not true, from what I can see.
For another, it could hurt possibly hurt my career, or at least I wouldn’t like people from my “real” professional life to know all that I have written here, because it is none of their business and might be held against me.
And I’ve said things about my husband that I would not want others to know, for his sake, and it is not right for me to reveal his story, if I think he could be identified.
I will write differently now, not say anything things that pieced together identifies me. Like saying this happened when I was 16, when a lot of people happen to know a particular unusual fact about me!
If I sound paranoid, after the P/S/N I am! Henry, I’m with you, I will probably change my user name, just to mix things up a bit!
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justabouthealed says:
Oxy, it is just knowing that LF is getting more well known, and that means to our P/S/N and possibly co-workers who may know the odd fact about us and identify us, etc.. I said enough that the P I was involved with would recognize himself. My suffering is none of his business. So it isn’t just if *I* post LF on my FB, it is just that it is getting more well known…..which was evident….and it is GOOD thing. Just a wake up reminder to some of us that DO care about being identified, that we should not assume that someone we know might be reading this. Always true. Just this reminds us of that.
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justabouthealed says:
I meant we SHOULD assume that someone we know might be reading this….and if we care, should be careful to not self-identify by remarks such as “He took my pet chicken that I’ve had in my apartment since I was 20..” or other such potentially unique identifying remarks.
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ErinBrock says:
I have done so MUCH recon on Facebook…..I’ve said it before….I’d NEVER have a ‘real’ facebook or myspace page.
I have been able to ‘cross reference’ things / people and have been able to put together pieces of the puzzle of my life.
It just amazes me what people post on these pages.
Honest to god…..
I see the pull….or appeal of these sites….but for me the reality it….I don’t care to be that ‘popular’…..If I didn’t keep in touch with you along the path of life….they i sure don’t want anything to do with you now.
I am not into ‘reconnecting’ with old ‘friends’…..If your a real friend, then I have done all I can NOT to lose touch with you.
If my friends want to keep in touch, call me or stop by. Same with family. I prefer ‘real’ touchy relationships….
I have read on FB about when the S is coming back into town, where he had traveled to, what car he purchased, boat, toy…..and this helped MUTILATE him in the divorce and keep us safe by my awareness of his location!
And the S doesn’t even have a facebook or myspace….it was all on OTHER PEOPLES pages…..talking about Mr. Wonderful….the s.
Since we can’t control others….we can only control ourselves….this is MY choice….I don’t want to be tagged in photos….and I don’t wish to encourage anyone ‘talking’ about me online, my ‘moves’ my actions….Oh EB just bought a gun, she is going on Vacation for 2 weeks…..
yadayada….
with this sort of info…..about the S….I knew when I could go over to my rental he was living in and switch out my stuff….take back kids things…..photograph financial records…..because he was “going on vacation with his new boat for 2 weeks out of the state’……AND WHO was going with him…..
You can imagine what the judge thought of this……and the S had NO IDEA how I knew what I knew, it blew him away…..(so it placed an element of doubt in his security with his trojans)…HAHA.
Take this into account with these sites…..it’s not just what YOU post.
I completely understand others reasons for wishing anonymity on LF…..I do have a few security-anonimity measures in place….but hey….its what I lived, I endured and now I AM OVERCOMING IT ALL!
The pain is mine and the experience is mine……and I won’t ever OWN his behaviors against us.
I think someone would have to spend an immense amount of time piecing together all of my posts here to see all I have posted over the past year plus…….I don’t believe anyone I know would be that interested in me….or what I have written. If so…..just think of the education they’d get in the researching my posts along the way.!!!
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justabouthealed says:
EB—I hear you. I ‘ve done the same kind of research.
Unfortunately I have to be on FB for my job. And I’ve gotten some great donations, grant leads that paid off and volunteers through it, so have to stay on!
It does amaze me that people will detail when they are on vacation…great for someone targeting their place for a robbery. I only post about trips after the fact.
I must not be that interesting. No one posts about me on their pages.
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one_step_at_a_time says:
jah – me too. can’t wait until i can get off fb for work.
am seriously considering killing my fb account – although i have it locked down – don’t trust fb for one minute.
maybe if i am off it- those folks will just have to CALL ME ON THE TELEPHONE!!
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justabouthealed says:
We have to remember…what we put on the net is forever. There are websites that show you any page, just about, as it was, say in 1998. I used to have a website. It is down now, but I can still go to the “time machine” websites and pull up my old pages that haven’t been online for years!
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one_step_at_a_time says:
jah – I had deleted a blog and had to remove the cached pages one at a time via google. Have done this with a few things that might give the spath leverage/ access.
i did not know abut these time machine websites. could you give me links/ names?
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justabouthealed says:
Here’s one. http://www.archive.org/web/web.php
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henry says:
I am having trouble changing my user name here. But I did delete my facebook account. What has me confused is I never opened an account there, but a few months ago I clicked on face book and it took me to my account/profile with my name birthday etc…No pictures or anything revealing, but how did that happen? I am with Erin, I don’t want ‘him’ to ever know what happened to me because of him.
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one_step_at_a_time says:
Henry – I changed my screen name here, but my username didn’t change for sign in.
I am thinking I will do the same. I have said things that link me to the spath.
but i do very much like my screen name.
best,
one step
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one_step_at_a_time says:
guess the screen name is called the ‘nickname’. the username can’t be changed, but does not show.
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one_step_at_a_time says:
Henry – are you going to use ‘skillet boy’ as a nickname? I read somewhere that Oxy launched it for you. or was that ‘at’ you?
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henry says:
Hey Onestep _ No skillet boy has grown up…I was thinking REDDIRT that is my favorite movie and the dirt in oklahoma is red….and it’s generic and genderless…gettin tired of being the gay guy in the room…
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one_step_at_a_time says:
gotcha!
have you heard emylou harris’ album, red dirt girl?
one song – ‘you made me believe in tragedy’ was the final theme song for my relationship with the girl N.
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one_step_at_a_time says:
could try emmylou?
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henry says:
nah I like one step..it’s not as revealing as HENRY — hey onestep check it out – reddirt.com
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henry says:
well http://www.reddirt.com its a Tag Purvis film – has Karen Black in it – not sure if u can find it or not but u can rent it at blockbuster
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one_step_at_a_time says:
ouuu, karen black!
…and i was suggesting emmylou for YOU!! LOL
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ErinBrock says:
Holy crap….ya’ll are gonna change your names and I’m not gonna have a clue who the hell you are.
Talk about a test of my memory…..
This is my disclaimer upfront!!!!
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henry says:
lmao @ EB who are we anyway? Who are you? Who am I? We get what we need here and move on – I just need to get a life…..
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ErinBrock says:
Oh Hens….lighten up!
“Who are you?”…..hold on…..let me ask my alter ego…ERINB!
We all need a life….a real life….and I know this can be hard…at times….
But practicing in a safe environment is a healthy thing to do…..then take what we have learned back out there and kick some ass!!!
I’ve been getting out way more the past few months…..and Holly is demanding I get out and go for a run with her….
She has provided so much joy and makes us live……
The kids are laughing and go to bed smiling….no mention of their father….and he’s been gone….not around…..so this helps….
But eliminating the negative and adding the positive is a great recipe for life!
Maybe it’s time to find some company for your 2 weenies…..and add some more joy to your life!
I still love you hens…..no matter ‘who’ you decide to be named!
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ErinBrock says:
Maybe we can re-name each other???
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henry says:
Ok Erin you go first….
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one_step_at_a_time says:
OH THAT WOULD BE AWESOME! OR MAYBE WE COULD JUST SWITCH NAMES WITH EACH OTHER!
SEE WHO GOES CRAZY FIRST!….Hmm, guess we’ve already been THERE. too many old soldiers here, we’d figure it out pretty quick!
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ErinBrock says:
I was thinking about switching names too…….
One question…..does it really matter what we call ourselves here at LF…..since it’s our stories are our stories….regardless of what we are named.
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ErinBrock says:
Hens…when is the next moon howling session?
Maybe that’s just what you need…..a good howl and someone to join ya.
That night was very cool!
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henry says:
EB We missed the Once in a Blue Moon – every 19 years the moon is full on new years eve. that is where the saying ‘once in a blue moon’ comes from – i just learned that…~! Yes I need summer, I need to get my hands in the dirt and smell the earth. Has been coldest winter here in 20 years, and I am sick of it. I am happy Holly is bringing some happy smiles to your home. Doggie doodles are very good at that.. I actualy have 3 weenie dogs Erin, one I rescued, one I bought and she had a babie and that makes three too many..but they are my family..I have so much to be thankful for – I think of all the horror going on with that eartquake and get mad at me for feeling lonely – least I have a home and running water and food etc..
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ErinBrock says:
Great trivia….thanks for that!
So…..what your saying is…..come Spring I’m gonna get a visit from my very own, personal, get your hands dirty landscaper bud? Are we gonna do some diggen Henry?
Ya know….your right….we really do have so very much to be thankful for…..so we gotta get up and live life each day with that attitude!!!!
XXOO
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moon tea says:
Morning everybody. I took your advise and changed my user name. I haven’t posted much in the last month, but I should be recognizable by my poor spelling, my love for cats, and my prosolatizing about 12- step groups.
I felt uncomfortable from the beginning with my old user name…..so new name, new year! YEA!
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one_step_at_a_time says:
moon tea – lovely name!
I changed mine form ‘lost and fearful’. i like my new name. outrageously attached to it, actually. but may change it up for safety reasons. dunno yet.
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breached1957 says:
Thank you!!!!
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ErinBrock says:
See….now I’m lost….I’m guessing!
I’ll figure it out.
MAKE ME WORK NOW!!!!
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justabouthealed says:
ErinBrock….our stories are our stories…but how much identifying info we give in telling that story can vary. And I’m pretty much through telling my story. FINALLY
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ErinBrock says:
JAH:
It’s a good place to be!
I find in my ‘real’ life….I’m moving on….not interested in talking about the S. It doesnt matter ‘where’ I came from…..and he’s doing his own damage now…..to himself.
Although…..coming in contact with the S#2 and 3, through business, has uprooted a lot of protection feelings in me. Ie…..how to fine tune the identifiying factors.
Whether love or business….i’ve found it similar…..although the damage is not personal…..only financial.
So…JAH…..keep on keepen on….it’s a good place to be!!!
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OxDrover says:
Dear Breached, how on earth are you!!!! So glad to hear from you!!! Long time no hear from! ((((hugs)))) Oxy
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