I am still working on getting out of here. Like I mentioned before I want to leave no trace. And for some reason I have been cleaning the house like a maniac and getting all of his & the children’s things in order as well. Probably because I know he will be bringing in the next victim/childcare/chef/lay right away and I don’t want him to be able to blame the condition of the house on me. I know that sounds crazy. At least he won’t be able to blame the broken windows and roof that is falling in on me. This was a beautiful house when I moved in 10 years ago, but he can’t be bothered with home maintenance. I can do a lot of things but I will not attempt to roof or install double paned windows that disturbed children throw themselves thru or break in other ways.

I want to assure everyone my life is not in danger. He is totally non-violent and frankly I could kick his butt even tho he is a foot taller and weighs at least three times as much as I. Like I have seen many people post on here, this is not the first abusive relationship I have been in so I work out hard and have good self defense skills. His method of abuse is mental and financial.

But he did drive her to suicide, IMO – it was a just a very slow process. She became an addict to about everything. During their marriage she was given an allowance of $200 per day for alcohol and weed. This kept her at home and made her unaware of his goings on. Which is really sick to do to the mother of your young children on so many levels. I started to go down that path as well – when I first met him I generally only drank beer and wine (unless I was at a client meeting I might order whatever they were drinking). He convinced me I should start drinking Vodka. He would bring it to my apartment every day. It got really bad but a few years ago I went to a fabulous detox center and I am OK with that now.

Anyhow, when he was done paying her off for her half of his businesses, she switched to the cheapest mind-numbing substance she could afford – Dust-off. I learned she was found dead in bed with a can of it in her hand. I did not have this information when her family called and said she killed herself. They believed she had gotten a hold of one of her dad’s guns. I have a huge amount of guilt, because we were very close as I said, and I knew she was doing it. As well as stealing oxycontin from her dad. I was in negotiations with her sister in law, because she called me one day and said a friend witnessed her buy every can of dust off in the local small town store in the mid-west. We were struggling with trying to stage some sort of intervention, but we did not want to damage the relationship she had with her parents. We did tell them to move the pills, but I hate that we didn’t go further. It’s hard for me because I live so far away.

When they met she was a nanny for really high end families out here in Boston. So totally presentable and together. He gave her a three carat engagement ring, a Mercedes, had an elaborate wedding and promptly started cheating on her and hiring prostitutes and she lost her mind. He is so slick that I believed him for years that she was always this crazy addict, until I met her.

For all of you struggling with unemployment, consider bartending. That’s my plan. I did it all thru college and just took a refresher course. Good money, and fun! I am not being insulting and saying it is below any of you – I have a graduate degree and could find a consulting gig in my field of HR/Benefits; I stopped that when this economy blew up, and being the bearer of bad news is just not my thing. Can’t handle it. One industry that increases in times like these are people going to bars a lot.

So no worries about me. I got my free insurance and have an Dr. appt. next week. I feel so lucky for that. Small good things have been happening to me lately, kindness from total strangers type things. Not sure if I am giving off a totally wounded tragic vibe or if it is just God, but I really like it, as I like the kindness and concern of all of you I plan to be out by Sat. What a lovely, encouraging & SMART group of people on this site!!!

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I have a few rats to keep em fed with!

Star:
Go for the best relationship…..whatever makes you happy…..and don’t settle!
I’d say….self….why not…..29??? YOU GO GIRL!!!!
Sounds like a playmate to me…..although not sure your gonna be wanting him around long term…..
Go with the flow….but make sure YOU set the direction of the flow.
I think….the more we date, the more we learn about ourselves…..NOT that I’m the master dater….still gotta lot to learn!

Have fun! WHY NOT!!

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I am so torn because I don’t really know what kind of relationship I want. Part of me wants to settle down and get married with an older, more stable man. Another part wants a passionate love affair with someone who is emotionally available, even if it doesn’t last forever (like because of age differences). I just don’t really have a concept that a passionate lover is someone I could also settle down with. I know if I married for security, I’d be bored out of my skull. I don’t want to get hurt, but at the same time, I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life. So here this adorable 29-year-old really wants to get to know me. I keep saying to myself….Self (lol), why not? As long as I set a slow pace and don’t let him manipulate me, why not?

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I decided to keep snakes cause I got tired of dating them. LOL

FOR IWONDER:
Are you familiar with the federally funded WIA program? It helps get people back to work, helping them either with funding for training, career counseling, resume help, help with interviews, locating jobs, etc. And it’s free. It’s Workers’ Investment Act (WIA) and every state should have it.

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Well, THAT could work in your favour!

I have had to use my private email a bit for work lately due to some tech difficulties with the work server, and oy with 1500 spath emails sitting in my email program it makes me nervous as hell.

(they will sit there until I know whether or not the lawyer needs them, cause right now the headers with the ISP address can be accessed in a forward)

I like snakes.

I used to have a little cat, who freaked out every time I said I wanted a snake…LOL, so I had to say ‘snacky.’ Think that was what he was worried about.

one step

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I started out with one, then the spam got to be too much and I got another, and kept the first only for any thing I sign up for on the web (and this one I access only online so that any spam/ virues don’t come into my email program).

I have killed my email after the spath and set up 2 others – one for personal email and one for anything to do with the spath (that way that stuff isn’t in my face all the time) AND i have a business email. AND I TELL YA, WHEN I CHANGED ALL MY PASSWORDS AFTER THE SPATH I CAN’T GET INTO MOST OF THEM WITHOUT A FEW TRIES! LOL.

Do have an email that is just for work stuff – that way you NEVER inadvertently send the wrong thing to a work contact, and yes, protect your anonymity online.

my 20 cents worth (yah, HOW COME the sogn for cents isn’t on our keyboards?)

one step

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