Sociopaths exploiting your faith
PDF Sociopaths as much as anything exploit your faith in them…over and over again.
In many ways this captures the essence of sociopathy in particular, and exploitation in general: The sociopath, or exploiter, seduces your faith, only then to intentionally violate it.
The more seriously you take him, the more you are vulnerable; the more vulnerable you are, the more the exploiter is licking his chops.
And so the sociopath, or any exploiter, wants you to take him seriously! Indeed it’s his modus operandi to accumulate currency and credibility with you—the more the better, as this better ripens you, better fattens you, for the payoff he’s chasing.
Not all exploiters “get off’ on the suffering you’ll incur arising from their exploitation. Sadistic ones will; they’ll derive a portion of their satisfaction, if not their motivation to exploit, from your pain.
But more often the sociopath is flatly uninterested in your “expense.” He neither relishes, nor regrets, it deeply. What interests him, again, is his payoff; his prospective gain, not your loss, concerns him principally.
And so a core aspect of exploitation lies in the exploiter’s purposeful grooming of the faith of his victims, only then to purposely betray that faith.
And in cases of sociopathy there is the additional heartless indifference to the victim’s experience of that betrayal. Indeed, one measure of the depth of his heartlessness and audacity is the sociopath’s tendency to repeat this cycle regularly, abusing old and perhaps fresh victims.
When you think about it, what sociopaths and other exploiters prey upon—our faith—is what most of us are naturally inclined to give. We want to have faith in others. We want to believe that others will have our backs, not stab our backs in order to take something from us and then leave us, heartlessly, to grapple alone in confusion and despair.
We want to believe that, God forbid, were we lying on a deserted roadside, grievously wounded, that that stranger approaching us will have the intention to help us, and not, while issuing kind, reassuring words, to lift our wallets.
And so it’s no big accomplishment to exploit others. Sociopaths and all exploiters are going after something that’s as easily coaxed as it ought to be honored and safeguarded—our faith.
(My use of “he” in this article was strictly for convenience’s sake, not to suggest that females aren’t capable of the attitudes and behaviors described. This article is copyrighted (c) 2009 by Steve Becker, LCSW.)
written by Steve Becker, LCSW • Permalink •
one_step_at_a_time says:
I put the betrayal bond on hold at the library the other day.
it’s noon. I cannot move. it’s another day when i will lose half or more of my time to being unable to move on my own behalf. i eat and i remain frozen.
okay – this week:
contacted a big pharm for comapssionate access to medication i need, and got enough samples of the med from the doc to last me this next month.
took part in a project with the local economic development board that put me in the room with 30 movers and shakers in this town. i came out with a fist full of business cards, and an invite to a service club brekfast. these things are all important – there is alsmost no work in this town and piss poor paying contract is up in feb.
i picked up two (count ‘em) boxes. I don’t know that the fuck i am doing, but i think i am moving. no wheels, and it snowed like crazy this week, so 2 boxes with active arthritis needs to be noted.
i challenged someone without getting ugly or backing down
i called a couple of local agencies re help with rent food and utilities. wish i had called BEFORE i dumped a part of the disconnect notice on the plastic, cause they would have helped.
deicded ihave to pay the @#$%^& landlord the rent. and will do that today. i was trying to leverage withhold to get some things addressed that i can’t live with , but he is a bigger bully than i can ever aspire to be. and i just don’t have the energy.
i managed to focus long enough to get some of my job done.
_____________-
As i get heavier physically it feels like the weight of my mind. it is quite negative right now. pieces of things the spath said and did swim up to the surface and infect me. i think i am depressed. i need to fight that. i am so F&&^% isolated – no money, lacking some of the perscriptions that would make the pain in my body less, lacking freinds and family that would help with the isolation.
i have this response to people right now – i just wanna lie and manipulate – i see it around me in my father and in the spath (she’s still at it gleefully trolling away as a nasty rent boy on the web) – and yes their souls are hollow. i understand that this desrie to act out is a response to what i have endured. but it’s no good. and i knwo it’s because i don’t have enough love and care in my life. and i don’t have a safe palce to live and even trying to figure that out keeps me locked in my head and in bed.
i am in trouble. and i am trying to be where i am. it is so hard – my house isn’t safe and i work form home, so am constantly on the prowl for a place to work out of. with the snow and the injuries i have, trudging around in the snow with my computer and files is really hard – but i have to stay out of the house for many hours a day or i am ill from it.
it is hard to write here. i was duped via the internet, and my trust is pretty cracked. i get triggered by phrases that look like ‘hers’ and i feel some kind of malignancy of her view of people has infected me. i have been very open and now i see that that is one of the things that has made me a target.
i feel like a turtle – head out, head in, retract limbs into shell and don’t move.
help.
one step
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Cat says:
one step,
You aren’t alone, hon. There are people HERE who get what you are saying. We all have these times. I’m in the middle of one of them myself. I do what has to be done and I’ve found that focusing on what I HAVE done leads me to wanting to do more. I like the feeling of accomplishment. Lifting 2 boxes is huge for one with arthritis. Give yourself points for that.
If there is one safe place to be, THIS IS IT. I know that I have been on other sites, read what’s been there and I come here and I am calmed. Like I am nowhere else. I don’t always write, I read a lot.
At least you see and recognize what being around your EX has done and when we can pinpoint it, we can work on it. NOT knowing where to start is the worst. You know. Sending you mucho.. HUGS…
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Cat says:
Anshel,
Thank you for sharing. So much of what you have written resonates with me as well. MY room became the place I went to because it was the ONE place my ex wouldn’t enter. For some reason, this was a place that he recognized as all mine. It wasn’t always like this. For awhile, it was a battleground as well. When I pressed charges the first time, it changed. In my room, there was no games, no lies, cheating and stealing and no hurtful words. I still go there and find peace, solace and me when things get rough. I know, in time, this won’t be the case, but for now it’s OK.
You made me think about something I never saw in my lifestyle before. I have spent the majority of my life with those who like to control, play games and manipulate. It’s an eye opener I must now go and look at, but I thank you.
LF is wonderful and the people on here just KNOW when I talk about something on here. I come here for my daily fix of “I’m not the crazy one.” What a blessing!
Thank you again,
Cat
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one_step_at_a_time says:
hi cat,
i feel so close to the edge. i have moments of energy, then i just STOP, completely feeling like i can’t affect my situation.
oy.
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Stargazer says:
Dear LF friends,
My therapist has recommended a book called “Safe People” by Cloud and Townsend. It is about how to tell which people are emotionally safe to have relationships with. I have requested it from the library.
Anshel, I also live in the Denver area close to Aurora. I am saddened to hear that there is yet another sociopath in this town.
I hope I never run into her.
I’m so sorry for what you are going through. 10 years is such a long time to invest in a relationship with a con artist. Though the relationship that led me to this site only lasted a few months (because I’m getting stronger), I had a 3-year relationship with a man who was emotionally unavailable. We kept breaking up and getting back together, and every time I went back, I was a little more invested in the relationship. I remember thinking that deep down he must really love me even though he didn’t act like it. When I found out after 3 years that he had never loved me, I felt like I’d been run over by a mac truck. I can only imagine how you feel after 10 years.
You sound to be in a very rational and good place, though, and I believe that in the course of your healing you will get to the core of what made you attract these people in the first place, and that will release you from the destructive cycle.
Blessings,
Star
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Stargazer says:
Dear one step,
For what it’s worth, I admire you for your strength, and I feel it builds character in a person. The people I admire the most have gone through similar things.
Most of my adult life can be characterized by having to carve out an emotional space to heal from betrayals around all kinds of crazy living/work situations. It was really hard, but I learned how strong and self-sufficient I can be. Throughout most of these years I resented that there was so little help and support for me–no loving family, no community services, no money for therapy. I struggled for so long getting on my feet. And the struggles paid off, as I am now very self-sufficient. I learned that I really didn’t need anyone to take care of me but me. The thing I admire most about myself is my resourcefulness. Having to survive can teach a person how to be very resourceful, and I feel this is a great asset in life.
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Matt says:
Hey, Stargazer:
How’s life treating you? Things work out with the creatures at Citi Mortgage?
I’m still doing the unemployment shuffle. I’m trying hard not to get depressed, but 10 months out of work and no end in sight is starting to really get to me. I’m determined not to let it ruin my holidays — basically I’m taking the position that nothing is going to happen on the employment front until after the holidays, so I may as well enjoy them.
Things are working out really well with the new guy. Actually, since it’s been 6 months, so I guess he really doesn’t qualify as a new guy anymore. Still, every day that I spend with him I discover the joys that a healthy, non=S relationship has to offer. Imagine, a partner who is supportive, kind, loving, trustworthy, non-secretive, non-texting, emotionally and sexually available, non=manipulative, etc, etc. Basically, everything the S wasn’t. What a novel concept, huh?
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Matt says:
one-step-at-a-time:
I think it was you who asked me how many people it takes to bring a class action suit. That’s hard to say. A court has to certify what a class is.
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one_step_at_a_time says:
Hi Matt,
yes, it was me.
I am not familiar with class action suits. A very public dupe of the spath’s is suing her for fraud. I have recently been in touch with her, and she mentioned class action. She has heard from a number of other women the spath conned.
I am taking it real slow with this woman – my trust is pretty cracked right now. It took me weeks to verify an article written in a weekly was ‘non fiction’ and then i whirled around in circles trying to figure out the court system, and finally just asked her for the info, cause I know i could check the court case out online through the county clerks office – as soon as I knew which county it was in. It all checks out, so I want to help her if I can. I have mail from the spath, etc. that verifies that this same person is still doing the same shit.
I am going to call her lawyer and the DA, but i am taking it slow. I have a really bad housing situaiotn right now and I can’t get caught up in this – or put myself in the position that the spath can hurt my reputation; i am way too close to the edge as it is. But in the long term I have to do something. I must get myself safe, but i also must look into what I can do legally. I have no money to hire a lawyer, but i can help this ohter woman – the pyscho bitch needs to be slowed down.
one step
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Stargazer says:
Hey Matt,
So glad things are working out with the new guy! And lord, if YOU’re not marketable, there’s little hope for the rest of us….
Citimortgage came through at the very last minute and offered me a loan modification. It’s not a great one, but they let me bank 8 month’s worth of mortgage payments, so I now have a cushy emergency fund. I’m good for now. If I ever want to leave this place, though, I have to do a short sale to get out. The other thing about a loan mod, if I am ever a day late on the payment, I will automatically be in foreclosure.
I am tentatively trying to move on in the rest of my life with my housing situation settled, but I keep running up against a brick wall with my inability to form deep bonds with people. This affects every aspect of my life. I am working on this but having a lot of setbacks. I am on the verge of going back to school for more training, either in massage or some other field, but I don’t know if I am emotionally ready to handle it yet. I also have a guy on my reptile site who is very interested in me. I like him too, but I have put up so many walls with him that he pegged me right away as having major trust issues. What’s even worse than just being alone is trying to open up to someone and finding that I am inadvertently pushing them away. So apparently I’m not ready to let love into my life yet.
That’s where I’m at. I would like to have a breakthrough so badly. As soon as I get through some of these issues, I know things will start improving in my life. But at least I have a beautiful condo, for now, which I’m grateful for.
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Stayingsane says:
Steve
Thank you, thank you…you articulate the impossible, you put words on and nail it time and time again. You say:
‘The sociopath, or exploiter, seduces your faith, only then to intentionally violate it.’
for me it was traumatic, I collapsed and agonised because of the LIES he told me that I believed…but they were empty lies that really destroyed my attempts to relate…and I had fallen in love with him???!!!!!
its toxic. And like a cloud of smoke it can choke and kill. I wasn’t in love with the P. I was in love with the lies he spun….
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one_step_at_a_time says:
Stayingsane,
‘I wasn’t in love with the P. I was in love with the lies he spun.’
thank you for this. i went walking today, in the wind and rain (god bless this warm winter) and did some gestalt work with myself, around this issue.
my spath sent me many pictures of himself. beautiful lovely pictures that supported ‘the story’. these were not ‘him’. he is not that age, gender or anything else. some of the spath’s REAL likes (as listed in other places on the web) were given as the likes of the boy….i doubt that anyone can make up a story completely devoid of their own personalities, likes and dislikes, but i digress.
it was all a lie. maybe it is easier to know that, in my situation as all of ‘him and his family were sockpuppets’- but in a way, especially when I didn’t know WHO this person was (or were), only that he did not die, and was a liar – it had its own nightmare quality; I didn’t know WHO it was/ WHO they were, so they could BE ANYONE. it creeped me the f$$K out.
Knowing who helps. a lot. before i knew who i was dealing with having ‘him’ call me on what i call ‘resurrection day’ was helpful too. i knew he wasn’t dead, but i couldn’t figure what WAS going on. and i still loved that being who had been spun. so i was thankful to know ‘he’ was alive and that ‘he let me know’. that conversation lasted 5 hours. and i watched ‘him’ spin a whole story within the story to explain his absence. he went to, ‘my bf’ is mean and keeping me hostage. i guess he thought that would work with me, still. i wished him luck with it. and that was the last contact with that sockpuppet.
Thing is, I know that the spath WANTS me to know that it was her, AND that the sockpuppet who was so vocal when i outed the non death/existance of the bf (i didn’t know WHAT i was dealing with at that time – just knew it was bullshit).
so, THERE is the desire to hurt. right there. and she has tried in lots of ways – the histrionics of one sock p, the threats of another, and letting me know that she is also the histrionic one.
I need to learn more about what they do when outed. I wish i’d had the lovefraud handbook a few months ago – cause i could have seen the puzzle pieces coming into place. now I have the resources here to figure some of this out, and make decisions about how to proceed (how she will probably respond if I help with a legal case and to weigh whether or not i want to do this).
I am generally anxious. And i have learned in the last few weeks, by reading here, that it can make me be impulsive, ’cause i just have to get rid of ‘something’ when my anxiety gets high. But in this situation i am trying very hard to not be reactive and to plot out, have goals and not be pulled off course, regardless of how triggered, anxious, scared, angry, enraged or hurt I am.
She doesn’t get to keep my mind, even though she is taking up some space right now. She doesn’t get my head forever, but i will go slowly so that I do what I need to work through this, act with courage and hold my head up.
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Iwonder says:
Hi Matt,
I too am out of work. Have been for 5 months now and I’m getting a little stir-crazy. But at least I have been interviewing. I applied for 50 jobs in November…not kidding and have been able to interview about 3 or 4 times a month but no matches yet. I find I am getting low-balled a lot or another candidate with less experience for less money will take the job in these hard times. I have 3 interviews coming up in the next few weeks. Like Star, I also have a condo and was fortunate enough to get a loan modification for 12 months. So at least I have a roof over my head for now.
Some of the interviews are coming not from me applying but from employers who found my resume posted on Monster, Careerbuilder or Yahoo Hot Jobs. So maybe you could post your resume there. I also go on Indeed.com everyday because it pulls all job postings from all the sites so you don’t have to jump from site to site. Another good site is Ladders.com. I also created a profile on Linkedin.com and re-connected with co-workers from prior jobs to network.
Just some tips.
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OxDrover says:
Dear Iwonder,
I haven’t ever posted on any of these resume sites, but I wonder if it isn’t dangerous to post so much of your work history etc. there or is it a confidential thing where you don’t put your real name up or the real companies you worked for so that information can’t be used to “steal your idenity”?
I am seeing signs, big signs here that the economy is tanking, and the only thing that seems to be doing anything in our area is the natural gas drilling going on. A large school bus manufacture that has been here for over 50 years is laying off all but a hand full of people, heard on the news yesterday a big factor that makes steel beams for new store construction is laying off 60% of their workers because stores are not expanding now, and so on.
Jobs in industry for machnists (my son is one) are almost NON-existent now and when he first started 15 yrs ago they were PLENTIFUL for manufacturing was going great guns! Now it is tanking.
Even the “underground economy” of flea markets and such is down by 2/3s. Donations to food pantrys and such as Good Will are also way down as people hang on to their better clothes longer etc.
I don’t have a real positive outlook on the economy no matter what Washington says.
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Iwonder says:
Hi Ox,
Well, your information posted on the sites can’t be seen by anyone just going on the sites. Companies that want to look at the resumes have to pay for access. Yes, your name, address and work history is on there but not your social security number and you don’t have to put a telephone number on there. If you want, you can just put your email address as contact info.
In today’s Cyberworld, there is always a chance of identity theft. Everything is done by computer today. If I call a company and ask if there are openings they tell me to go onto their site and see and then apply that way.
Yes. . the economy is tanking. I’ve not been out of work this long before. I could have a job if I want to take $20K less a year but I’m holding out as long as I can to avoid doing that.
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OxDrover says:
Dear Iwonder,
Yes, I know there is ALWAYS risk of idenity theft. Credit card theft (with your numbers etc) knock on wood, I have never had it happen to me except when the P hacked into and TOOK over my cell phone account. I ened up NEVER BEING ABLE TO GET AT&T to acknowledge my right to control it. He ran up hundreds of dollars in bills by changing services etc. and I finally decided to just get another number instead of continue to fight it. In fact, my ATTORNEY laughed at me over it and then HE COULDN’T GET ANY RESULTS EITHER. LOL
I finally just let the hundreds of dollars of bills go unpaid and when the company threatened to put me into collections, I sent them a copy of my POA as my late husband’s estate executor and said “he’s dead, so sue him! I tried to tell you he was dead but you kept on talking to someone who said they were him on the phone and making changes to the account and running up the bills, so it is on your head not mine!” That was the last I heard from him. LOL He had called these 1-900-talk dirty to me lines at $5 a minute and all these things. LOL added another line and used my credit card numbers to order these late night TV things sent to ome under my name $49 and we’ll give you the secret to how to get rich in real estate, no money down, for life, except they bill you $500 monthly after that! LOL I had a hell of a time getting those off my credit too. LOL At the time it was just to keep me busy and OFF BALANCE, but since I was already CRAZY and AFRAID for my life, it didn’t help me any. I spent time on those things that could better have been spent doing things I DESERPATELY NEEDED DONE that in the end I lost considerable money because I didn’t do them, instead focusing on the chaos caused by the Ps.
I hope you can find a good job, IWonder, but sometimes I have taken jobs beneath my qualifications just to eat, but at least the unemployment benefits have been extended some. Good luck (((hugs))) and my prayers.
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Matt says:
Iwonder:
Thanks. I’m on monster and careerbuilder. Do get the daily listings from Indeed. Haven’t put myself up yet on LinkedIn, but have decided to go that route.
Have seen a little activity the last few weeks — had an interview last week and met with a head hunter today. She said that she expects things to pick up more in the first quarter. Her lips to God’s ears.
If you’re going stir crazy after 5 months, try 10 months. Of course, I’ve got a few neighbors who are going on 1 1/2 to 2 years. I would truly shoot myself by that point.
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Iwonder says:
Matt,
I signed up to volunteer for our county…a few weeks ago I raked leaves for an elderly couple. I need to get busy busy busy.
It seems like I can’t get my life back on track since I was involved with the ex-S. The last job I took was a little beneath me because he didn’t want me to be around other men. I worked in a small mom and pop shop and isolated myself from the world. I also took a paycut for that job. I am used to working in corporate home offices interacting with people. Bad Move. Now I’m out in the cold and trying to reconnect with past associates looking for a job. Ugh…why did I do that to myself? I swear..never again will I let someone control me ….ever.
Linkedin hooked me up with a lot of people I hadn’t seen in years.
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OxDrover says:
Matt, please don’t even joke about suicide! BOINK!!! (((hugs))))
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one_step_at_a_time says:
I just left a message for the lawyer of the woman who is suing the spath for fraud. It was hard to put my name out there. But I know that the layer EXISTS.
I haven’t wanted to be too open with the other dupe. Man, my trust is rickety.
I know that going to the lawyer may bring more shit into my life, and I care about that, but I think this is the right thing for me to do. If it helps her case, and if that in turn has any baring on a conviction, or the sentence then I want to do this.
TOWANDA!
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Stargazer says:
Some updates in my situation:
I am about 90% sure I will be starting advanced neuromuscular massage training in January. I’m working on getting partial funding for it, and the rest I can afford. I’m hoping this will allow me to quit my office job and make me more marketable as a massage therapist.
On the relationship front, I was just going along, minding my own business, going to therapy, etc., when this guy on my reptile forum has suddenly become very interested in me. For about a month I was very guarded and standoffish with him. We were talking the other night on the phone, and he told me that I come across as someone who has been hurt very deeply and has put up a lot of walls. Interesting to hear this from someone I don’t know very well. Anyway, the outcome was that I have started to actually like this guy, and I feel like I took one of the walls down. I basically just told him that I don’t jump into relationships and that if a guy is interested in me, it will take some time for him to prove his intentions. We’ll see if he wants to do that. But I have to admit, it feels so good to start considering dating again.
I started a low dose of an antidepressant today. Curious to see how it will affect me.
Hugs,
Star
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Stargazer says:
Iwonder, if you use your same email address for job applications that you use for internet forums, prospective employers can actually go into those forums and read your posts, although I heard this one is blocked (?)
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one_step_at_a_time says:
Star:
I am the queen of multiple email addresses!
I started out with one, then the spam got to be too much and I got another, and kept the first only for any thing I sign up for on the web (and this one I access only online so that any spam/ virues don’t come into my email program).
I have killed my email after the spath and set up 2 others – one for personal email and one for anything to do with the spath (that way that stuff isn’t in my face all the time) AND i have a business email. AND I TELL YA, WHEN I CHANGED ALL MY PASSWORDS AFTER THE SPATH I CAN’T GET INTO MOST OF THEM WITHOUT A FEW TRIES! LOL.
Do have an email that is just for work stuff – that way you NEVER inadvertently send the wrong thing to a work contact, and yes, protect your anonymity online.
my 20 cents worth (yah, HOW COME the sogn for cents isn’t on our keyboards?)
one step
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Stargazer says:
Yes, one step,
or even worse, on my reptile site where they can learn all about my 5- and 6-foot boa contrictors. They would probably be too scared to even send a rejection letter.
This is the advice I got at a resume workshop recently. I can only imagine if a prospective employer read my posts on here
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one_step_at_a_time says:
Star,
Well, THAT could work in your favour!
I have had to use my private email a bit for work lately due to some tech difficulties with the work server, and oy with 1500 spath emails sitting in my email program it makes me nervous as hell.
(they will sit there until I know whether or not the lawyer needs them, cause right now the headers with the ISP address can be accessed in a forward)
I like snakes.
I used to have a little cat, who freaked out every time I said I wanted a snake…LOL, so I had to say ‘snacky.’ Think that was what he was worried about.
one step
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Stargazer says:
LOL I have 2 cats and 2 snakes. They are not allowed to play in the sandbox together, especially since the Siamese looks like a giant rat.
I decided to keep snakes cause I got tired of dating them. LOL
FOR IWONDER:
Are you familiar with the federally funded WIA program? It helps get people back to work, helping them either with funding for training, career counseling, resume help, help with interviews, locating jobs, etc. And it’s free. It’s Workers’ Investment Act (WIA) and every state should have it.
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OxDrover says:
Well, star, if you ever date another RAT you can always save money on SNAKE FOOD ROTFLMAO!!!
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one_step_at_a_time says:
but so much energy to cut them up into bite sized pieces….
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Stargazer says:
Oxy,
LMAO!!!!! I never thought of that angle, feeding rats to snakes. ha ha ha ha Good one!!!!
I am so torn because I don’t really know what kind of relationship I want. Part of me wants to settle down and get married with an older, more stable man. Another part wants a passionate love affair with someone who is emotionally available, even if it doesn’t last forever (like because of age differences). I just don’t really have a concept that a passionate lover is someone I could also settle down with. I know if I married for security, I’d be bored out of my skull. I don’t want to get hurt, but at the same time, I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life. So here this adorable 29-year-old really wants to get to know me. I keep saying to myself….Self (lol), why not? As long as I set a slow pace and don’t let him manipulate me, why not?
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ErinBrock says:
I want a black mamba!!! Or a Cobra!!!
I have a few rats to keep em fed with!
Star:
Go for the best relationship…..whatever makes you happy…..and don’t settle!
I’d say….self….why not…..29??? YOU GO GIRL!!!!
Sounds like a playmate to me…..although not sure your gonna be wanting him around long term…..
Go with the flow….but make sure YOU set the direction of the flow.
I think….the more we date, the more we learn about ourselves…..NOT that I’m the master dater….still gotta lot to learn!
Have fun! WHY NOT!!
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citykitty617 says:
I am back, sorry my computer completely stopped functioning after downloading software updates from Apple (go figure) but it works now, yay! And want to thank all for your urgent LEAVE NOW posts, especially Matt, for the legal advice. And congrats on your new relationship
I am still working on getting out of here. Like I mentioned before I want to leave no trace. And for some reason I have been cleaning the house like a maniac and getting all of his & the children’s things in order as well. Probably because I know he will be bringing in the next victim/childcare/chef/lay right away and I don’t want him to be able to blame the condition of the house on me. I know that sounds crazy. At least he won’t be able to blame the broken windows and roof that is falling in on me. This was a beautiful house when I moved in 10 years ago, but he can’t be bothered with home maintenance. I can do a lot of things but I will not attempt to roof or install double paned windows that disturbed children throw themselves thru or break in other ways.
I want to assure everyone my life is not in danger. He is totally non-violent and frankly I could kick his butt even tho he is a foot taller and weighs at least three times as much as I. Like I have seen many people post on here, this is not the first abusive relationship I have been in so I work out hard and have good self defense skills. His method of abuse is mental and financial.
But he did drive her to suicide, IMO – it was a just a very slow process. She became an addict to about everything. During their marriage she was given an allowance of $200 per day for alcohol and weed. This kept her at home and made her unaware of his goings on. Which is really sick to do to the mother of your young children on so many levels. I started to go down that path as well – when I first met him I generally only drank beer and wine (unless I was at a client meeting I might order whatever they were drinking). He convinced me I should start drinking Vodka. He would bring it to my apartment every day. It got really bad but a few years ago I went to a fabulous detox center and I am OK with that now.
Anyhow, when he was done paying her off for her half of his businesses, she switched to the cheapest mind-numbing substance she could afford – Dust-off. I learned she was found dead in bed with a can of it in her hand. I did not have this information when her family called and said she killed herself. They believed she had gotten a hold of one of her dad’s guns. I have a huge amount of guilt, because we were very close as I said, and I knew she was doing it. As well as stealing oxycontin from her dad. I was in negotiations with her sister in law, because she called me one day and said a friend witnessed her buy every can of dust off in the local small town store in the mid-west. We were struggling with trying to stage some sort of intervention, but we did not want to damage the relationship she had with her parents. We did tell them to move the pills, but I hate that we didn’t go further. It’s hard for me because I live so far away.
When they met she was a nanny for really high end families out here in Boston. So totally presentable and together. He gave her a three carat engagement ring, a Mercedes, had an elaborate wedding and promptly started cheating on her and hiring prostitutes and she lost her mind. He is so slick that I believed him for years that she was always this crazy addict, until I met her.
For all of you struggling with unemployment, consider bartending. That’s my plan. I did it all thru college and just took a refresher course. Good money, and fun! I am not being insulting and saying it is below any of you – I have a graduate degree and could find a consulting gig in my field of HR/Benefits; I stopped that when this economy blew up, and being the bearer of bad news is just not my thing. Can’t handle it. One industry that increases in times like these are people going to bars a lot.
So no worries about me. I got my free insurance and have an Dr. appt. next week. I feel so lucky for that. Small good things have been happening to me lately, kindness from total strangers type things. Not sure if I am giving off a totally wounded tragic vibe or if it is just God, but I really like it, as I like the kindness and concern of all of you
I plan to be out by Sat. What a lovely, encouraging & SMART group of people on this site!!!
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