Comments on: LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Hyper vigilance and PTSD

By: OxDrover

OxDrover — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 19:30:55 +0000

Wow, lots going on when I went to bed early—actually not even “bed” feel asleep on the couch and never woke up enough to go to the bedroom…or even turn off the TV—and that makes for creepy dreams where you intergrate the TV show with your dreams, and boy could I write a book and use the dreams as the plot! LOL

Henry, darling, of course you have had PTSD for most of your life, so have I…funny thing about it, you sort of start to get your chit together and the NEXT EPISODE of trauma comes along and the PTSD is reactivated and you go back to square one, plus two, and start over, and it keeps on in one cycle after another…

When we had the LAST most recent episode in our lives, THIS TIME we actually started the healing path, not just “surviving” until the next episode., This time we start peeling back the stinking layers of the onion, and as we get one layer done, the next one shows up and we peel that and so on, but until we get this thing peeled back to the CORE we just have to keep on peeling, but we can do it.

When the “onion” of our traumas is BIG and many-layered it takes time and we get TIRED and FRUSTRATED and think we will never get it done, but I think we are doing well, Henry, my twister brother! We are seeing FINALLY that we can do it, and that no one can stop us.

All lthe other times we didn’t how how to peel it back, to take care of the layers of slime underneath the current carp!

But personally, I am PROUD OF YOU BROTHER!!!

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By: hens

hens — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 14:48:02 +0000

Bullet ~! you made my day ~! I am off to work….

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By: bulletproof

bulletproof — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 14:45:55 +0000

hens if you want to make some extra money with your natural talent and 55 years you should publish a book of one sentence poems

“I row my own boat, sometimes in circles but at least I am the captain”

“like a possum eating peanut butter”

“Mel-o-drama”

And I do not how many wonderful ways you write words…but you are a wordsmith. A unique hens wordsmith…

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By: hens

hens — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 14:23:49 +0000

Blueskies = Your post to me pretty much echo’s what I am saying about having a life time of PTSD…but I get so tired of feeling like a victim even tho I was, but not so now cause I row my own boat, sometimes in circles but at least I am the captain….

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By: bulletproof

bulletproof — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 10:28:11 +0000

Stealing someones inheritance is straight off evil. No one should get away with it. It’s disgusting that children are still singled out for abuse sometimes by the whole family when it comes to inheritance…I dole out the money I have to my son AS we live…there will be no inheritance…he will be heir to 3 inheritances anyway…one of them significant and bring it on…he deserves it

just money to cover this old womans funeral..and I always remember Sylvia Brown talking about this…how ridiculous it is to have these mausoleums, these massive coffins made of wood to just put under the ground to rot…she wants her sons to throw her corpse over the wall and leave it there until it starts to smell…because she hates her neighbours…and they will ssay what is that smell…aand her boys will tell them it’s Sylvia she died….ha ha

I always think the family money is the family energy…~I try not to see it as just money. It’s also a symbol of life, love and generativity….and everyone wants it….. It gets so held by the fear and greed of people… the bitterness….what they couldnt’ give becomes laced with friction and conflict when it comes to handing out the wealth on D-Day…who deserves what…who was loved the most…who was the favourite on and on…

I have always removed myself from rows about money until I understood it’s energy and we have to sort it out…it’s important because it dictates the divine balance at the end of the day..which is everyone deserves to be catered for within the family..even if it is using the money to keep someone in jail…or put someone through Re hab or whatever it is…

One step..this is another important step in setting the record straight so that you have done your bit to reclaim what was rightfully yours in the first place….it’s so ironic that your own father would keep from you financial help and support for your life…he must be a very unhappy man…but that family energy was yours and you are entitled to it….I think we carry unresolved thefts, debts into our next life…if there is such a thing.

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By: blueskies

blueskies — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 06:41:07 +0000

Hi Erin!!! xxxx Mmmmm! Sounds Good! I havent made a roast in a looooong time now.x
I hope you and your family are well Ms. Erin ‘Warrrior’ Brock (native american name: ‘Walks with Bouncy Hair’ , I havent really been able to catch up with everything on here as much as I should, but I hear you did some tax slaying recently!:)xxx I have to get off to work now, but thanks for saying Hi:) lovely start to my day.xxx Have a good one.x

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By: ErinBrock

ErinBrock — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 06:26:30 +0000

Hi Blue!!!
I thought of you the other night….I made a porkroast….with CRACKLING!!!!
YUM!
Totally off topic……

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By: blueskies

blueskies — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 05:43:49 +0000

Dear Hens, you said “I think I have had PTSD most of my life, is that possible?” Maybe it is. My mother is a narc, my father was at the least a self obsessed perv, there were like the fire and gasoline that Ox talks about:( They should have both been steralised at puberty, they are/were totally incapable of nurturing their scattered off-spring… but I digress. I feel like I’d been coping (and quite well all considered) with a life time of continued cycles of attack/ abuse – neglect/ discard – manipulation – attack/ abuse ect , the spath was the straw that broke the camels back.
Dad is dead, and I dont feel anger towards him any more, I dont feel much for him, and Mum I have been NC with for just over a year. It’s not them that I long for at night when I am up in a state of anxiety about money or son, but the comfort of ‘roots.’ when things get tough feeling the void is terrible. Even when they were in my life they werent parents. so the void has always been there…

One step – The inheritance carrot is something that has been used in my mothers family to keep people ‘on side’ a lot. There is a culture in my Mother’s family that towing the abuse line is worth it because at least there will be something ‘at the end of it’. How royally F***ked up. Narc mother is also ‘the gate keeper’ to our disjointed rellies…. I am glad to be out of it. It’s not how I want to live my life. dancing for other peoples scraps. When the time comes narc mum will no doubt leave all her pennies to whoever danced for her the most OR her final swan song will be to hit whoever wasted their life on her in this ‘holding pattern’ with a total whammy and leave it to the cats home. But your sitch is not my sitch lovely, and I commend you for being in a strong enough place to battle for what you feel is right on that front. I wish you lots of luck.x

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By: hens

hens — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 03:39:04 +0000

ok I got yer back – I just refuse to let them abuse me from the grave – my granny told me onetime that both of my parents should die in prison – who knows maybe they did/will..death is so final and who knows for sure why they did what they did…my mom stole more than money from me, and all I wanted from my dad was love and some approval..what your dad did is wrong – i am so sorry

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By: one_step_at_a_time

one_step_at_a_time — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 03:27:07 +0000

hens – when i can do it, i will. he has stolen my inheritance form my grandfather. it is not huge, but it is enough to either buy a small house or go to college. i spoke with a lawyer about it a couple of years ago. she was willing to work on contingency. she said it was very clear that he had been in contravention of the trust agreement from the get go. i have been dealing the my n dad about this chit for 10 years already. 2 years (the lawyer figures it would take that long to get the money) would be hard, but it’s gone on so long.

now that i am nc with him hens, i will never see a cent of the inheritance that he said would come my way. might as well go for what is legally mine. i won’t do this until i am strong enough – probably at least a year. but i can start planning and putting the pieces in place. it’s been a huge shift to come to doing this.

i really struggle with the good/ bad memory paradigm. i really loved a lot of my childhood – because of the farm and the animals. my family life became more and more dysfunctional as time went on, it was bad by the time i was 12, but I think it has hit its apex in the last 3 years.

i have bad history with my grandfather – he’s dead, and i don’t have any time for hate with him. my sis, well she is just sooo messed up, i can’t even tell if she is n like dad, she is so messed up. she’s way too much work – i went nc with her late last summer.

mom is ill and dad’s an n. my hope, is that i can stop cursing his life whenever i say his name.

i really have to out spath him, when i go forward. so takng a long time to build up to it is a very good thing. it’s going to shake my deep family, take shit and suffer training to stand up for myself with him.

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