Well, it at least helps your kids are somewhat older, it must have really made your X MAD that you documented all this bad deeds in court! OUCH! They do not like that!

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And my divorce complaint spelled out in great detail what Mr. Gaslight did; and he had to admit to it all…documentation that enraged him. And he is so arrogant that he is rewriting that!

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Flower, another mother I know, her X has won custody of their child, and has actually started usinhg the gaslighting to convince the child that he hadn’t lived with his mother since about age 2, though he is 8 or 9 now, and “daddy dearest” has only had him completely for a year or so.

TWISTING REALITY is not that hard in children and they actually can distort what they “remember” to what was implanted in them. Heck, it works with adults, why njot with kids? It is called GASLIGHTING.

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One child even began to question all that she had seen and heard over the past year; this led to questioning what the “truth” really was about our divorce (serial affairs were discovered).

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I’m not Dr. Leedom, but there are many articles in this blog (go to the archived articles arranged by subject on the left) and read through those articles.

There is a genetic link to psychopathy, but also some environmental aspects too. But as the parent of a child who became a psychopath (he is 39 now) who is in prison for murder, I can definitely tell you I know what it is to raise one, and how it is confusing when they first start to show signs of this disorder. Mine started at puberty, and at first appeared just like any normally rebellious teenager, but quickly progressed to felony robbery and before he was 21, to murder for wich he is still in prison.

I kept up a toxic hope, a futile hope, that he would “get it” and come out of prison to at least live a violence free life. I finally realized that was NOT possible.

Giving up that hope that I could somehow effect a change in my son was dramatic and was traumatic to me. I’m several years out from that first trauma now, but it takes time, understanding and knowledge of what we are dealing with.

I suggest that you read the articles here about why psychopaths (also called anti social personality disorder and sociopaths) are the way they are, how they are different in brain chemicals, thinking and interacting with others. Of course there are also “levels” of them, some worse or more violent than others, but they all k now right from wrong, they all have the choices to act in ways that are not toxic or abusive, but they choose to act the way they do.

God bless you, Katie, I know the pain of raising such a child and then having to let that child-man go, to consider him as “dead” to me. Welcome here and hope you can find healing here, there are definitely people here who understand your plight. God bless.

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I am so glad that you were PRO-ACTIVE and did not continue to believe that others were “on to you”—LOL I am glad that you went directly to the “horse’s mouth” and got the truth.

Maybe when your older daughter and her husband realize they are NOT IN CONTROL that they will behave better. Sometimes people can just get on a power trip and when they think they are in power they behave badly but are not actually Ps, so I hope that is the case, but if not, if she continues to behave badly and to adversely influence your teenager with her attitude, then get your support people to help her pack. She is responsible for herself, She is an adult and she is NOT your responsibility to provide for her a living or a place to live.

Also for your 15 year old, I know that even normal teenagers can be difficult to deal with, but setting and maintaining reasonable rules and boundaries of behavior are GOOD things and though she may resent them, they will also give her respect fo ryou and stability.

RESPECT yourself and expect and DEMAND tha tothers do as well. GOOD FOR YOU!!!! (((hugs))))

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I ache for you that you do not have the support. I’ve lived without support for so long because my ex did isolate me. He’d do it in such subtle ways. A comment that would lead me to think the people I felt were my support system were against me, or judging me, or talking ill about me. Rather then ask them directly, I just shrunk back, hid, and became even more isolated. He convinced me in warped kind of way that if I tried to defend myself, it would be admitting guilt. When in fact, the silence after his accusations, and smear campaigne confirmed guilt in the minds of many.

Based on the past experience, when my daughter tried to convince me that my friends are “onto me,” and planning a group meeting. I immediately became fearful, nervous, scared, and, and, and…. WHAT DID I HAVE TO BE NERVOUSE ABOUT? So, I became proactive, and went to each of them. To my delight, they are 100% supportive of me. They think I am an amazing mother. They have had concerns for a long time the way my oldest takes advantage of me. And, they are concerned about the influence she is having on my younger three, as my younger three, up until this point are recognized as exceptional, articulate, compassionate, loving, responsible, and mature beyond their years. Their behavior has often been examples to my friends on what they strive for in their children.

I am blessed to have such wonderful friends. They recognize, too, that non of this would be happening if (for example) there were a healthy strong male influence, backing me up. But, like you said, my daughter believed I was isolated, and she could call the shots, manipulate me, and take control. She’s in for a big surprise. And, maybe with the show of support for me, she will get the message, and back down, and realize the only control she has is over herself. It’s not that hard. Be responsible for yourself, your actions, attitudes and belongings. Don’t leave a mess for other’s to manage. Don’t take what doesn’t belong to you (including other’s time and resources you are not paying for). Everybody gets along when we each follow these principles.

If she doesn’t like it…. there are 8 people willing to help her pack. :::grins:::

Yes…it is a great feeling to have this support. A few days ago, I wasn’t sure I had it. I had to reach out and express my need. They were already well aware, and talking amongst themselves on what they could do to support me. You see my daughter had contacted them to try and discredit my character. This gave them notice that she was up to something. So they started talking about what they could do to help me. How sweet is that?

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And in a sense that I can’t quite define properly I think it is very IMPORTANT that you have this BACK UP that your kids can SEE with their own eyes, that others see what is going on.

In some way I think it has made my son feel more “power” in our situation over here because he doesn’t see that I have people behind me. Kind of like he FEELS like he has me isolated into his own “spin” of his distorted and NON REALITY world he lives in. And in a sense this makes him feel more power and control over both myself and his ability to distort what is REAL (reality) in the world outside of our household as well.

I know I am not explaining this well but it is hard to articulate what I mean.
Just know that I believe it is really important for you to have these people continue to come by your house and “call it” out in front of your kids and SEE the manipulation & crazy making.

Isabell, I can’t really explain any of this well but I want you to know that I believe (because of my own personal experience) that your daughters age (the 15 yr old) is really at an age right now that is so important.

You really have to go with your GUT here. If you see something that disturbs you….Know that your feelings are right on. DON’T second guess yourself. And do what ever you think you can do to to steer her away from her older sisters “way of thinking”.
My sons problems escalated so QUICKLY at this age it was almost UNBELIEVABLE. When I look back it really doesn’t even seem possible to me that it happened the way it did. I can NOT emphasize this enough.

One day our lives seemed pretty normal. And then all of a sudden I saw some personality traits that disturbed me in puberty (that didn’t even EXIST before) I tried dealing with this and the next thing I knew I felt like I was living with a stranger. It REALLY spun out of control THAT quickly.

I am unable to REACH my son at this point no matter what I say or what I do. His anger (that I saw initially at 15 y/o) has turned to hatred. His perception is HIS REALITY no matter how distorted it might be.

And I no longer can see any light at the end of the tunnel no matter how much I try to convince myself that if I just could do this, that, or the other that I might reach him. No matter what I do it seems to make things worse. I truly feel he can’t “feel ” the love or concern.

So anything you might do where you feel like you might “reach” your daughters emotions is of importance now.
Any time you see the “light” draw it out. Because once that light is turned off, you might never see it again.

I am not trying to scare you…..Or judge your situation as being the same as mine. I just wanted to share my own experience. (hopefully it can HELP you) When I looked back not all that long ago, I had NO IDEA even though I knew the situation was serious, how quickly things would escalate. Or how BAD they would become.

Feeling threatened in your own home by your own children no mater their age…..Is not a good place to be. I know this feeling well.

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