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Your immune system does take a hit from prolonged stress, so yes, TAKE PRECAUTIONS.

Get your flu shots!

Take a multivitamin every day.

Get plenty of rest,

Carry the hand sanitizer.

Use the paper towel (if no towels use a klenex from your purse) to open the bathroom door, DO NOT TOUCH THE KNOB and then sanitize your hands otu side the john.

clean the handle of any shopping cart you use

keep your hands away from your face

at big gatherings, do not shake hands (carry some books or something and then say “excuse me for not shaking hands but my arms are full”

Avoid CLOSE contact with large crowds, keep as much distance as you reasonably can. Avoid close contact esp with people obviously sick.

Keep your stress levels as low as possible.

Your analogy though is a good one!!!!

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I’ve also thought a lot about the tendency some of us have to want revenge, to be angry and stay angry, and to say things like I’ve often said: “If he had not been a bad guy, then my traits wouldn’t have caused me a problem. So HE is the problem, not me.”

Well, finally, I have an analogy. I have been getting sick every time I travel. Three times since the spring. Each time I got sick. Not just a little sick, but miserably sick, expensively sick, and sick for weeks. I made my husband sick too when I came home, despite my best efforts to prevent that.

In each case, I’m pretty certain who “made” me sick. In one case, the woman admitted to me that she knew she should have stayed home from the conference, because she was sick, but she came anyway. She told me this matter of factly after I got sick. So she knew she was sick, and not only did she come to the conference, but she came up to me and insisted on shaking my hand and giving me her card. I was rather floored later when this stranger, who called me after the conference, so matter of factly said, oh yes, I’m sure I gave you it, but I really wanted to meet you, and it will all be worth it. HUH??

Well, after getting sick three times, I have someone I could BLAME for each time. I could stop there. But for my own sake, even though it was not my “fault” that I got sick, I’m going to the doctor to find out how to best boost my immune system before my next trip, and I’m going to pay very close attention to the kinds of safety steps I should practice in public and in meeting people, as well as what vitamins I should take, how much sleep I should get, etc. And watch myself for any bad habits from my childhood, like licking my finger to turn a page of a public magazine, etc.

And so what my analogy is stating is that here at LF we know who to BLAME…the shame belongs to the bad guy, NOT to us…..but that doesn’t mean we can’t do things to boost our immunity to these bad guys…..while realizing sometimes you are going to get sick. Anyone can be a victim. But if you get treatment right away (no contact) you will heal faster!

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Good observations! Good reactions! Stepping up to some good boundaries!!! TOWANDA!!!

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Cyber-paths, con men/women, frauds, ….these people hook into the emotions of others, you are sure not alone. I saw a 20/20 program one night about this man in Nigeria who was pretending to be a beautiful woman, and had gotten involved on the internet with a middle aged man who had sent “her” thousands of dollars and was mailing stolen merchancise for “her” to help her with her “business” and expected this beautiful, wealthy woman to come to American and marry him. This man was not stupid, he was HOOKED ON A FANTASY.

There are thousands of people who are hooked by these con people, and unfortunately, they are GOOD AT WHAT THEY DO and they pull people in by their heart strings, either through romance or compassion for someone suffering as the good people try to “help’ this person.

The worst part of it is that by bieng in another country most of the time they get away with the scams–get away with the money and the “dupee” as you call it (not the V word) is powerless to recover their money or their faith.

These people are psychopathic, they are heartless, they are EVIL—and I hear your pain, I hear your frustration, I hear your rage, and I don’t think there is anyone here who has been scammed for money and/or for love by a psychopath that cannot relate to what you feel.

The dating sites and other places on the internet can be “fishing pools’ for dupees. The most caring and kind individuals are the ones who are duped by these scum bags. They play the “pity me” card, or the “I’ve been so abused and I need you to help me” card, and a thousand other stories.

You are NOT alone in this. I hope you will stay here and read, and I do wish you and the other woman can get some justice, but if you do or not, it isn’t any longer about THEM but about you. Healing you. Taking care of YOU! YOU did not deserve this, and you do deserve to heal and find peace. (((Hugs)))) and God bless.

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“A perfect lie can be so much more damaging, because it is hidden within your being.”

wow. and i also take this to mean hidden from me. hidden there, were she caught me. there were rings for her to hook into.

my posts might be a bit garbled re numbers and gender. I was conned by a woman, pretending to be a young man and his family and friends. welcome to the internet. turns out she has been at it a LONG time. I have found reference to her on the internet and am now in the process of connecting with another of her ‘duppees’ (sorry, not going to do the ‘v’ word) who is taking her to civil court. First, I am doing a background check on the other dupee.

my sociopath is alive well active and sock puppetting all over the internet.

I am hoping that coming here, and interacting with the other dupee, etc. will peal me away from watching the trainwreck rumble on. I hate this woman. And I want to mess with her. And absolutley no one who knows me can understand what this is like.

I had an abusive bf 30 years ago – I remember what that was like, and I remember how long it took me to rise up and roar when he was stalking me. The police intervened in that situation; he had made the wrong threat at the wrong time and the arson squad got involved. they aksed me if i though he would/could do as threatened. I said yes, cause it was quite posible. I WOULD HAVE SAID IT ANYWAY, TO GET HELP TO MAKE HIM STOP, TO HAVE SOME POWER. I feel the same way now.

I would like to help this woman who is suing her, in anyway possible. And i relaized tongiht that i may be able to. The US postal service frowns on fraud. And I may be able to supply her with some mail, that may further her case. I hope so. I so want vengence. And I am trusting that this is actually a place I can say this and you will understand – and because you may know how i feel, then your response will have meaning. I feel like such a whack job when i try to tell people i know what is going on. their repsonses, are ususally, to tell me to run. This woman doens’t live anywhere near me…in another country. I am not so worried that she will come after me. She seems not quite that motivated.

She actually was lIving with the other woman i have come across who she defrauded. LIVING WITH HER! As the best friend of the man she loved who died……………..

It is hard still – dimanlting this beautiful kind noble smart and outrageously weird and funny boy who I loved. he never existed…onyl in this womans’ head. i want to know, who is that beautiufl boy is in the 50 photos i have? did she steal his life? and what will she do with the pics she has of me?

She was amazing with her voice – played 2 characters i spoke with. I believed her – and i have tlaked to ‘him’ on the phone since May. After ‘he’ died, his sister called me. (same schitck, diff vic) and she made a BIG mistake – maybe it was the 4th phone call and she signed off with, ‘i love you’. And i was like, uh noooo! I have rather been in hell since sept.

all for now. ty for being here.

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I would also explore getting your older son to help you, by convincing him (along with other witnesses) to wha tyour son is up to and how he is ABUSING and threatening you. It ;may not work, but I would think it is worth a shot.

Wits, as far as “abandoning” him—HE HAS ABANDONED YOU, not you abandoning him. The only person I see YOU abandoning is YOURSELF.

If you and he were swimming in a lake and he was two years old, and wanted and needed to ride on your back to safety, I can see you doing that even if it was a matter of sinking and drowning yourself in an attempt to save him.

BUT, he is capable of swimming for himself (but unwilling to make any effort to do so) but he is DEMANDING TO RIDE ON YOUR BACK RATHER THAN TRY TO SWIM FOR HIMSELF, and if you let him do that, YOU WILL SINK, AND NOT BE ABLE TO SAVE HIM EITHER.

So, I think you need to look at this situation not as you abandoning him—abandonment issues my arse!—the thing is he has become a BULLY and you are the victim, so why are you having PITY FOR THE VERY PERSON WHO IS THREATENING AND BULLYING YOU AND TRYING TO SINK YOU BENEATH THE WAVES.

Wits, I’ve been there, my poor baby all alone in that nasty prison with all those mean convicts preying on him….sheeet! BOINK!!!! Wits! Get real girl! You know what I am saying is true. You can’t pity the pit bull that is biting your leg, shake it off! (((hugs))))) and you know you are in my prayers! Love Oxy

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I know in my heart that he already has abandonment issues and this is at the very core of his mental state as well. So I just couldn’t do that. His perception is what it is, but it is far from reality. I wouldn’t feel right making this a reality for him regardless of what he does.

I am trying to prepare myself to possibly many avenues that I might not normally take. But this is not one of them.

I really am just feeling as desperate as I can possibly feel at this point.
I know he is so filled with anger and hatred for me that I am not in a position to do any GOOD for him anymore. I am thinking that if he went somewhere else it might diffuse the anger. Even if it was just a temporary solution. His anger seems to have reached a boiling point. And because he doesn’t have impulse control this seems to be a dangerous situation in my opinion.

I need help and I need it now. I have called human services, basically they have no agencies that they have available (for our situation) other than for runaways.

What agencys do you call to even talk to a social worker?

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I’m sorry to see you leaving, but at the same time, I understand why you might think it would be more important for your lover to be here than for you to be, and yes, I imagine he does need the support. Since we have so very few men here that actually post, I’m not sure your lover is still a regular blogger here (though he may be a regular reader) but I would encourage him to come back here on a regular basis as I think the information and support here is the BEST on any blog/information site on the net (of all that I have visited for sure!)

You might also try some of the other sites on the net for yourself about dealing with absive parents. Believe me, that sets us up for becoming victims ourselves, by making us “normalize” abusive behavior, it also makes us I think Hyper-caregiving which gives us ini some cases tooo much empathy for others who appear hurt (and boy can the abusive Ps give a grand performance of being “wounded birds” when in fact, they are using that ploy to lure us closer to be able to get their tallons on our throats easier!

Godspeed and peace, love and happiness to you. Oxy

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