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Make sure you like the picture.
Make sure you will be happy in it.

Because you will be.

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You are a strong woman of long tradition. YOu will prevail.

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When the time coimes (not now) start looking for HONEST UP FRONT—that means men who are HONEST, that does NOT mean he is “dishonest with others and honest with you.”

If a guy is married or otherwise attached and lying to the other partner then HE WILL EVENTUALLY LIE TO YOU. If he says she is a shrew he will call you one. People are not just “situationally honest” they EITHER IS OR AIN’T, just like dead or preg, you ain’t a little bit dead or a little bit preg. You may be recently dead or preg, but recent or remote doesn’t count for much.

Matt’s “Tions” are a good thing too

Educa-tion
Habita-tion
transporta-tion

I can’t remember the rest (Gosh, I hate this CRS crap! LOL!) but I have what I call my negative DEAL BREAKERS.

It’s a DEAL BREAKER if he has:

recent or current attachment—if his wife just died or they just got a divorce or the divorce isn’t final, HE IS NOT READY, EVEN IF HE THINKS HE IS, for a new relationship, it will turn out to be a bummer.

past history of cheating on his wife/GF–you may have to find this out behind his back.

criminal background, whether it is being charged with a long list of crimes he “got off on” or actual convictions, it puts him on my DON’T DATE HIM OXY LIST.

NO friends, NO family, NO reputation in the area he lives. Frequently, Ps change venues when things get HOT for them at the old location. Look for STABILITY in friendships etc. Also look at the QUALITY of friends he has. If his “best friends” are creeps, well, remember BIRDS OF A FEATHER FLOCK TOGETHER.

History of drug and/or alcohol or gambling problems even if he’s been through rehab 15 times. Sorry don’t mean to hurt anyone here who has had this problem in the past and has licked it, I am just wary of the “dry drunks” in AA who can really put on a show of piety when they are really Psychopaths. I know there ARE good folks who have licked addictions, but I am cautious enough I don’t want to take a chance.

HYPER religious but little sign of spirituality.

High risk taker—drives too fast, drives and drinks, not cautious in sports activities.

Bitterness toward last ex (or others in general) —either he will be a person who hangs on to bitterness (and that is someone I’m not interested in ,even if he was JUSTIFIED in being bitter at first, I want someone who has grown from a bad association, not remained bitter over it.

If I were interested (or of an age to) have children with a partner I would also look at his family history of alcoholism, drug addiction and/or criminal back ground in the family.

Anyone with a tendency to “have to be right” to “be the smartest” to “be the best” and rub it in to those less fortunate. A tendency to be rude to anyone, like a waitress.

I’m sure everyone here could add to this list, but I doubt that many of you would scratch off any of the things I have listed as being “undesirable” traits in a potential mate.

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I loved that he kept his short and neat. He always tucked his shirt and and didn’t leave the house without a belt. I’m so tired of seeing guys my age with pants hanging down. That’s why I loved the age difference between us.

You were SO right about the mourning thing. It may take me 2.5 years to get over it and over him. I mostly do OK but still have those days sometimes.

I wish I could find someone like A*** but normal and not spath and narcissist. I am Miss Independent and it felt so good to have someone strong who wanted to take care of me and always knew what to do to make me feel special.

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Your words are so kind. I am no more than any here but one of the shattered hearts looking for the peieces to put itsself backtogether.

There is an amazing thing that happens here. And I am everyday more grateful for finding this place and the community who understands, encourages and weeps and laughs and rages together around this common experience.

I hope your trip is wonderful. Edinburgh is a place I have always wanted to visit -especially during the festivals. I’d actually thought of taking my son to Scotland for a year just to do it. We’ve always been fascinated by it and made several reports.

Shall we have a virtual cup of tea when you return and I shall be able to hear more about this place which has always interested me and about you and about your insights on teaching? I have so many questions about how to educate my son and I am thinking about home schooling under I can get HIS heart pieced back together.

Safe travels and thank you.

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Don’t forget the RED HAT!

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Hallejuelia. I can quit now and live a little. Middle of March was 2.5 years…so, “Free at last, free at last. Thank God Almighty. Free at last.” I can get out of this horrendous black, take the crepe off the windows and put on some lip-stick.

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