Comments on: Regrets—we all have them http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/10/30/regrets%e2%80%94we-all-have-them/ Wake up to the danger of sociopaths Wed, 08 Feb 2012 07:17:13 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: luv716 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/10/30/regrets%e2%80%94we-all-have-them/comment-page-8/#comment-55989 luv716 Tue, 24 Nov 2009 16:48:41 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/10/30/regrets%e2%80%94we-all-have-them/#comment-55989 Thank-you Rosa so much! Thank-you Rosa so much!

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]]> By: Rosa http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/10/30/regrets%e2%80%94we-all-have-them/comment-page-8/#comment-55983 Rosa Tue, 24 Nov 2009 15:53:27 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/10/30/regrets%e2%80%94we-all-have-them/#comment-55983 Luv716: It is OK that you are hurting!! I really believe that allowing yourself to feel all of these emotions, like pain, anger, grief, sadness, etc. is the only way you will be able to put this horrible experience behind you. You cannot get past the hurt unless you go through the hurt. In my opinion, the worst thing you can do is try to suppress your emotions, and pretend they are not there. Because, at some point, they will just pop up anyway. And, I know the S has a way of coming back just when you are about to move on and forget about him. I think we have all experienced that. It makes it so hard. I know. I would just tell you to keep reading here at LF. Have you read Kathleen Hawk's articles titled, "After the Sociopath: How do we Heal? It's a 14 part series. If I were you, I would definitely read parts 1-5. I am always comforted whenever I read her articles. She has a way of making you feel like you are OK, or everything is going to be OK, and that you are on the right path. On the left side of this page, under "Categories", click on "Katheleen Hawk", and her articles will come up. Luv716:

It is OK that you are hurting!!
I really believe that allowing yourself to feel all of these emotions, like pain, anger, grief, sadness, etc. is the only way you will be able to put this horrible experience behind you.

You cannot get past the hurt unless you go through the hurt.
In my opinion, the worst thing you can do is try to suppress your emotions, and pretend they are not there.
Because, at some point, they will just pop up anyway.

And, I know the S has a way of coming back just when you are about to move on and forget about him. I think we have all experienced that.
It makes it so hard. I know.

I would just tell you to keep reading here at LF.
Have you read Kathleen Hawk’s articles titled, “After the Sociopath: How do we Heal?
It’s a 14 part series. If I were you, I would definitely read parts 1-5. I am always comforted whenever I read her articles. She has a way of making you feel like you are OK, or everything is going to be OK, and that you are on the right path.
On the left side of this page, under “Categories”, click on “Katheleen Hawk”, and her articles will come up.

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]]> By: luv716 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/10/30/regrets%e2%80%94we-all-have-them/comment-page-8/#comment-55965 luv716 Tue, 24 Nov 2009 03:45:47 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/10/30/regrets%e2%80%94we-all-have-them/#comment-55965 Rosa, I know that he is wit someone else, Im for sure thats why he's not coming around believe me I wanna move on more than anything when I take two steps forward, it seems like he senses that I may be doing ok without him then he play the love game. I know that if he ever came back it wouldnt be right too much has been done I look at this man now with so disgust because I know I didn't deserve what he done too me I woulda respect him more if he would just left in the beginning, but he stayed around an use me tell it was nothing left. Im hurting!!!!!! Rosa, I know that he is wit someone else, Im for sure thats why he’s not coming around believe me I wanna move on more than anything when I take two steps forward, it seems like he senses that I may be doing ok without him then he play the love game. I know that if he ever came back it wouldnt be right too much has been done I look at this man now with so disgust because I know I didn’t deserve what he done too me I woulda respect him more if he would just left in the beginning, but he stayed around an use me tell it was nothing left. Im hurting!!!!!!

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]]> By: Sarasims http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/10/30/regrets%e2%80%94we-all-have-them/comment-page-8/#comment-55959 Sarasims Tue, 24 Nov 2009 03:01:57 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/10/30/regrets%e2%80%94we-all-have-them/#comment-55959 justabouthealed - sounds like you have some experience in this area! Unfortunately - right??!!! I hate it for both of us - but glad we are here sharing. I especially like your "f**king entitled" part bc that is EXACTLY what he thinks he is....entitled to me or anyone else he pleases! I guess that applies to all of them!!! Isn't there something horrible we can do to them to make them feel our pain? LOL! justabouthealed – sounds like you have some experience in this area! Unfortunately – right??!!! I hate it for both of us – but glad we are here sharing. I especially like your “f**king entitled” part bc that is EXACTLY what he thinks he is….entitled to me or anyone else he pleases! I guess that applies to all of them!!! Isn’t there something horrible we can do to them to make them feel our pain? LOL!

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]]> By: justabouthealed http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/10/30/regrets%e2%80%94we-all-have-them/comment-page-8/#comment-55954 justabouthealed Tue, 24 Nov 2009 02:46:25 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/10/30/regrets%e2%80%94we-all-have-them/#comment-55954 LUV-- If you haven't read the postings at Baggage Reclaim, about the fall back girl, do! Here's her latest entry. http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-fallback-girl-the-girl-who-cried-wolf/ LUV– If you haven’t read the postings at Baggage Reclaim, about the fall back girl, do!

Here’s her latest entry.
http://www.baggagereclaim.co.u.....ried-wolf/

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]]> By: justabouthealed http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/10/30/regrets%e2%80%94we-all-have-them/comment-page-8/#comment-55949 justabouthealed Tue, 24 Nov 2009 02:39:50 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/10/30/regrets%e2%80%94we-all-have-them/#comment-55949 You were NOT stupid. Until it has happened to you (and sometimes with more than one person), many of us...especially highly loving, caring people....can't phantom that someone could have emotions that are that shallow; that someone could have a hidden agenda; that someone could be a different person at the drop of a hat; that someone could say words of love and not mean them; that someone could feel that f**king entitled to use people and be that arrogant and self-assured about it; that someone could be that flagrant about their emotional abuse; that someone could project all their faults on to us; that someone could be comfortable with hurting us on purpose and not acknowledge that....and on and on. You weren't stupid, you expected him to be a normal human being! Normal human beings can grow apart, mistake their emotions, etc.....which bears NO RESEMBLANCE to what these guys do!!! You were NOT stupid. Until it has happened to you (and sometimes with more than one person), many of us…especially highly loving, caring people….can’t phantom that someone could have emotions that are that shallow; that someone could have a hidden agenda; that someone could be a different person at the drop of a hat; that someone could say words of love and not mean them; that someone could feel that f**king entitled to use people and be that arrogant and self-assured about it; that someone could be that flagrant about their emotional abuse; that someone could project all their faults on to us; that someone could be comfortable with hurting us on purpose and not acknowledge that….and on and on. You weren’t stupid, you expected him to be a normal human being! Normal human beings can grow apart, mistake their emotions, etc…..which bears NO RESEMBLANCE to what these guys do!!!

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]]> By: Sarasims http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/10/30/regrets%e2%80%94we-all-have-them/comment-page-8/#comment-55946 Sarasims Tue, 24 Nov 2009 01:57:46 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/10/30/regrets%e2%80%94we-all-have-them/#comment-55946 Sorry "made out to be...." and "made me laugh..." I must be angry...lol.... Sorry “made out to be….” and “made me laugh…”

I must be angry…lol….

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]]> By: Sarasims http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/10/30/regrets%e2%80%94we-all-have-them/comment-page-8/#comment-55945 Sarasims Tue, 24 Nov 2009 01:50:11 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/10/30/regrets%e2%80%94we-all-have-them/#comment-55945 justabouthealed - YES....can you believe it!??! And I swear to you, in the beginning this guy was completely different. He mad out to be this charming, handsome, together kind of guy that was the man of every woman's dream. Athletic, cool, collected, bad boy in a past life but all together now, good job, responsible. And he answered to my every whim before I could even think of it. Mad me laugh, dried my tears when I cried, told me that he was all about walks and picnics in the park...making love under the stars. And it's come to this. Someone I was so in love with, someone that told me it's about all the little things you do for the one you love, someone that told me he would rather have me some of the time than none of the time. It all came to "f**k me when I want, and I'll talk to you when I have time"...."don't call me, I'll call you". Can you believe it? And the reason it's so hard is bc when he comes back, he tells me all the LOVING things to get me hooked again - then a day or two later is contradicting what he told me. Acting completely different, like I must have made it up in my mind. Now that I look at it from the outside and read my words - it sounds TOTALLY INSANE.....like "HOW COULD I BE SO STUPID??" justabouthealed – YES….can you believe it!??! And I swear to you, in the beginning this guy was completely different. He mad out to be this charming, handsome, together kind of guy that was the man of every woman’s dream. Athletic, cool, collected, bad boy in a past life but all together now, good job, responsible. And he answered to my every whim before I could even think of it. Mad me laugh, dried my tears when I cried, told me that he was all about walks and picnics in the park…making love under the stars. And it’s come to this. Someone I was so in love with, someone that told me it’s about all the little things you do for the one you love, someone that told me he would rather have me some of the time than none of the time.

It all came to “f**k me when I want, and I’ll talk to you when I have time”….”don’t call me, I’ll call you”. Can you believe it? And the reason it’s so hard is bc when he comes back, he tells me all the LOVING things to get me hooked again – then a day or two later is contradicting what he told me. Acting completely different, like I must have made it up in my mind. Now that I look at it from the outside and read my words – it sounds TOTALLY INSANE…..like “HOW COULD I BE SO STUPID??”

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]]> By: Rosa http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/10/30/regrets%e2%80%94we-all-have-them/comment-page-8/#comment-55942 Rosa Mon, 23 Nov 2009 23:59:06 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/10/30/regrets%e2%80%94we-all-have-them/#comment-55942 Luv716: You asked, "Are we winning because..." For me, the longer I held on to him, the more miserable I became. And, I hung on way too long. I failed at the No Contact rule many times before I finally got it right. In the end, it became less about winning, and more about just cutting my losses and getting the heck away from this toxic person, so that I could get on with my life in a safe & healthy manner. You see, there was nothing left to "win". Thinking in terms of "winning and losing" is the sociopath's mentality, as far as I am concerned. Don't fall into that trap. You will never beat the sociopath at his own game, because they are always manipulating the rules. It's a complete waste of time. My advice is to cut your losses and get on with your life. Your man is probably with another woman right now. That's why you are not seeing him. But, he still continues to call because he wants to keep you "on the string" in case he needs to use you again in the future. Think about that the next time he calls you and says, "I love you." You could be getting these "I love you" calls for years to come, unless you put a stop to it now. You are the one who is going to have to put an end to HIS madness, because he never will. Complete No Contact is the answer. ~I know this advice is easier said than done, Luv. We are all here to support you through it. Luv716:

You asked, “Are we winning because…”

For me, the longer I held on to him, the more miserable I became.
And, I hung on way too long.
I failed at the No Contact rule many times before I finally got it right.

In the end, it became less about winning, and more about just cutting my losses and getting the heck away from this toxic person, so that I could get on with my life in a safe & healthy manner.

You see, there was nothing left to “win”.

Thinking in terms of “winning and losing” is the sociopath’s mentality, as far as I am concerned.
Don’t fall into that trap.
You will never beat the sociopath at his own game, because they are always manipulating the rules.
It’s a complete waste of time.

My advice is to cut your losses and get on with your life.

Your man is probably with another woman right now. That’s why you are not seeing him. But, he still continues to call because he wants to keep you “on the string” in case he needs to use you again in the future. Think about that the next time he calls you and says, “I love you.”
You could be getting these “I love you” calls for years to come, unless you put a stop to it now.
You are the one who is going to have to put an end to HIS madness, because he never will.
Complete No Contact is the answer.

~I know this advice is easier said than done, Luv.
We are all here to support you through it.

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]]> By: justabouthealed http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/10/30/regrets%e2%80%94we-all-have-them/comment-page-8/#comment-55937 justabouthealed Mon, 23 Nov 2009 23:01:04 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/10/30/regrets%e2%80%94we-all-have-them/#comment-55937 Sarasims....GOD! The P you were involved with is CLASSIC!!! OMG! We should start a book called Jaw Droppers, of quotes from these guys....like the text he sent about his marriage and then 2 texts later! And just UNBELIEVABLE that he would compare you texting and emailing him as rape!!! That is ASTOUNDING, just fricking ASTOUNDING. These guys are all the same. Unbelievable! Sarasims….GOD! The P you were involved with is CLASSIC!!! OMG! We should start a book called Jaw Droppers, of quotes from these guys….like the text he sent about his marriage and then 2 texts later! And just UNBELIEVABLE that he would compare you texting and emailing him as rape!!! That is ASTOUNDING, just fricking ASTOUNDING.

These guys are all the same. Unbelievable!

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