Hello Ladies and Gentlemen, I’m Not a Sociopath
PDF Ladies and gentlemen, hello…and thanks for inviting me to speak to you about sociopathy. As an audience, you come highly recommended by my good friend Phil, who visited with you last winter as a narcissism expert, and who, I understand, you basically booed off the lectern.
By way of personal disclosure, I can tell you that I’ve been diagnosed as a sociopath separately by several prominent clinicians all of whom, let me establish candidly, were complete charlatans. As a matter of fact, this is the basis of my book, which of course is prominently displayed for purchase on the table in the back, entitled, “How Three Utter Clinical Charlatans Separately Diagnosed Me as a Sociopath.”
Just a little about my personal history…
Okay, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, where to begin?
Ladies and gentlemen, I think I’d like to start by telling you that I am a highly ethical personality, a point I choose to stress if only to assure you that I have every intention of returning the wallet that I know one of you is missing because I lifted it off you on the coffee and danish line about fifteen minutes ago.
Please…no need to check your pockets and pocketbooks. As I said, I’ll return the wallet shortly, during our upcoming break…however—and, of course, consistent with my stringent ethics—I won’t guarantee, because I don’t make promises I can’t keep, that I’ll be returning the wallet with the same cash amount as when I lifted it.
Ladies and gentleman, I’m delighted to be here. My presence here, of course, gives you a chance to glean some insight into the fascinating minds of sociopaths, and me the chance to score, I hope, with one of the more attractive women in the audience, whether she be single or not.
This way, we establish the quid pro quo up front.
My friends, sociopaths, as you know, tend to be deceptive individuals. And they tend to lie very boldly. For instance, my brother-in-law Frank, who, incidentally, tends to follow me around like a stalker—yes, he accused me of stealing money he gave me to start my hedge fund business.
I’ll never forget a recent interaction we had, which I share with you for instructional purposes:
He said, “Ron, you haven’t paid a cent of that loan back. What’s the deal?”
I said, “What deal? What deal are you talking about?”
He said, “The loan, Ron. The 50-grand we loaned you with the stipulation you’d pay it back with 5% interest.”
I said, “That was a loan?”
He said, “Of course it was a loan, you f’ing sociopath.”
See what I mean, folks? The deception? How he tried spinning what had clearly been offered as a gift of 50-thousand dollars into, conveniently, a loan? And did you notice his audacity—audacity being a very sociopathic feature?
Calling me a sociopath, when so clearly he was the sociopath? I believe professionals also call that “projection?”
Yes, I see a hand raised?
Of course my sister supported him! What a moronic question!
She’s my sister, yes, but he’s her husband. Naturally she claimed, with as much nerve as he, that it was a loan, not a gift, which they both made to me. This is a wonderful example, incidentally, of the corrupting influence that sociopaths like my brother-in-law can have on their vulnerable partners.
And to anticipate your next question…no, I won’t be paying a cent of that loan—I meant to say gift—back…because, that would be enabling their deceipt and I refuse, from principle, to do that.
Ladies and gentlemen, I must be frank and tell you that I’ve been married five times. Now what does this fact tell you? Here’s what it should tell you: It should tell you how absolutely clueless my prior wives were, inasmuch as all they needed to do to keep me satisfied was to appreciate how good they had it with me.
Even my present wife, who recently outed me for cheating on her with an ex-girlfriend I accidentally found on Facebook…even she doesn’t get it.
I can tell you—and I’ve told her this, trust me—that I’m on the verge of leaving her because, ladies and gentelmen, I really don’t need this nonsense. And I suspect that some of the men in the audience can probably relate to where I’m coming from?
My good friends, sociopaths really don’t get it.
And so often these perverse characters offer up glib explanations for their appalling behaviors. For example, my present spouse confronted me on the purely accidental nature of my latest liaison outside our marriage.
I remind you, just as I explained to her, that I found myself on Facebook one day and, intending to locate a childhood friend named Tommy who’d moved during Elementary School and whose whereabouts I’d always wondered about, I somehow, accidentally, ended up discovering my ex’s Facebook homepage.
Thinking, naturally, that it was Tommy’s Facebook page (it was his I was searching), I made an innocent friend request, fully expecting to hear back—hoping to hear back—from Tommy, when who should respond with a friend confirmation, but Sarah?
This should all have been enough explanation, but what did my insatiable wife want next? She demands to know how, even “accepting for the moment your lying bullshit,” I ended up screwing this ex-girlfriend for three months behind her back?
I’m laughing….for the reason you can probably guess? What the hell does one thing have to do with the other? See how she’s trying to confuse me…jumping all over the map…manipulating me!
Sociopaths, my friends, are quite incapable of recognizing, or caring about, the depth and pattern of their abuse of others.
Exhibit A, my friends: each of my five ex-wives, plus the present one, all of whom, I’m convinced, have serious sociopathic traits.
Their contrivance of outrage, as I’ve suggested, upon discovering my countless infidelities during our marriages…come to think of it, it’s laughable.
That’s exactly why I’m laughing right now… laughing out loud, and having trouble composing myself. It’s just so funny how sociopaths will contrive emotions to manipulate you.
Evidently my ex’s wanted me to feel guilt? I’m sorry, but I’m still laughing…it’s just so funny.
I mean my marriages, every one of them—and my wives themselves—grew so boring, tedious and predictable that—and you tell me—what option, realistically, was left but to search for something fresh and exciting?
And I’m sure you’d agree that a man like me, in these circumstances—and let’s be honest, any guy with a real set of balls—would have to be a fool, or else whipped beyond dignity, to begrudge himself relief from such oppression?
But I digress, I’m afraid.
Glib….yes, I was mentioning the tendency of sociopaths to be glib. It’s good practice, my friends, to beware of glib personalities, because often a very dangerous insincerity lurks beneath the glibness…often the glibness is used to cover, to distract or divert from a manipulative agenda.
In other words, it’s not the glibness itself that’s problematic, so much as its function…which, so often, is to enable, through a form of obfuscation, an ulterior agenda.
Ladies and gentlemen, on that note, we are coming upon our first break. But wait…someone’s just straggled in, irresponsibly late.
Let’s let the gentleman take his seat. Maybe you can introduce yourself, first, sir?
“You owe me $50 f’ing thousand dollars, you asshole, and I’ll chase you down like Dog The Bounty Hunter till you pay up!!”
Excuse me, ladies and gentleman…this man must be confusing me with someone else? I apologize, on his behalf, for his rude disruption of our seminar.
Sir, I kindly ask that you…
“Knock off the bullshit, Ron! Why don’t you tell these kind people the criminal evasion you’ve been perpetrating on me and your own sister!”
My good friend, not only do I not know what you’re talking about, and not only have I never seen you in my whole life, but unless you leave the room at once, I’ll be forced to have security remove you.
I find it very creepy, sir, that you know my name, but I assure you that we don’t know each other, and whatever situation you’re alluding to is most certainly a figment of your delusional mind.
Yes, thank you, security, for removing this man at once. Yes, take him out kicking and screaming, and hurling his ugly threats. There he goes, ladies and gentlemen, kicking and screaming, removed by the courageous, well-prepared security guards. I’m so sorry for this untimely intrusion.
Have you noticed, my friends, or is it just me, that mental illness seems to be on the rise? It’s such a terrible shame the kinds of delusions people seem to be harboring and their growing tendency to impose them on us?
Well, if nothing else, that was pretty entertaining. I’ll have to check up later on that poor soul and make sure he was properly committed to the right institution.
It’s hard to know what to tell a guy like that, other than…next time you make a financial arrangement along the lines you were babbling about, make sure the contract’s drawn-up by attorneys. That way you avoid the kind of trouble he was ranting about so incoherently.
Strange how many people think they know me, and have accosted me over the years with outrageous, paranoid accusations.
I seem to have one of those faces that’s commonly mistaken for others.
Ladies and gentlemen, let us take our first break, and use the next few minutes to recover from the surprise appearance of that very sick man.
Feel free, of course, to purchase the books in the back…and more importantly, please approach me about becoming Class A investors in either of my two superstar hedge funds, both of which have yielded annualized returns of over 40% since 2004.
That makes Madoff’s returns look paltry, and he was cheating, whereas we—meaning me, and my accountant, Lucciano—operate strictly on the up and up.
And you…over there…yes, you…who’s glaring at me with that homicidal look…come on over and get your wallet.
(This article is copyrighted (c) 2009 by Steve Becker, LCSW)
written by Steve Becker, LCSW • Permalink •
blueskies says:
Big wavy flags:)x Its interesting how they shoot themselves in the foot just by opening their mouths (or typing on their key pads) for self declared geniuses of disguise they find it just so difficult to feign humility. They cant resist their own grandiousity… even when they’re really trying.x
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blueskies says:
When there was another on here a couple of months ago, he/she/it couldnt resist making reference to its own ‘web source’ in the language he/she/it was using…so he/she/ it, got ‘busted’ straight away. Its a good job they’re not as clever as they think they are.x
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blueskies says:
(P.S For all my ‘mocking’ of their stupidity/mistakes/self exposure, they are still evil dangerous things to be avoided completely… trying really hard to stop rattling that cage even though it gives me a, I guess, twisted sense of satifaction.)
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witsend says:
My first trigger…
The first few post showed an arrogant individual here as a newcomer to HELP us, by sharing HIS wisdom.
Shortly thereafter, insult after insult, yet very adamant about not being questioned of his own “authority” of the subject.
We have a long way to go in learning not to let these people turn us against each other here. They seem to be able to “divide” us even though we are in the “same boat”. We all choose to navigate the boat differently. Thats the “human being” in us all. Some welcomed, some sent out alerts and some chose to expose.
But afterwards we are saying sometimes not such nice things to each other…
Why is that?
This is not the first or the last. This person wasn’t “new” just stumbing onto here last night.
He/she knew to much from the past.
so how do we deal with that?
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geminigirl says:
Blueskies, Sky, and Kim,Am I missing something here? How come if we all say and believe how stupid and vain and dangerous they are,{the Ps who sometimes rattle our cages on LF}, how come you all get a twisted satisfaction in rattling their cage?Its like a sick game. I really think if we descend to their level, we are no better than them, and are behaving like Narcopaths ourselves.They get a twisted sense of satisfaction, so do we, well DUH! Were just like them if we swallow the bait.
A bit like masochism, “Feels so good to hurt so bad!!LOL!
Erin is right, we all need to channel a grey rock.Love, Gem.
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skylar says:
I understand that people don’t like to see P behavior, but I’m really concerned about people’s inability to recognize it. I mean, this is just online and he can’t hurt anyone, but in real life, half of LF would’ve given him a big ol’ hug.
Why are we here if not to learn self-protection starting with recognizing the big red flags.
I just posted my own dissection about an hour ago. It was very similar to oxy’s and it GOT DELETED. Someone complained? That’s not helpful at all to the purpose of this site.
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skylar says:
Gem, I would hope that the point is exactly what happened. People didn’t recognize it so we gave him rope. Rope is always the answer. Jesus said, “you will know the tree by the fruit it bears”. A little rope gets that tree to bear fruit faster and in a directed manner. Then everyone can see the bright red fruit. Before the rope, some people were giving him hugs.
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Steve Becker, LCSW says:
Newlife, Timeheels, Anetsu, Joordeez, SisterSister, Mr. Buffalo, and others…thanks very very much for your feedback!!
Hearing that what I’m writing resonates with your experience inspires me tremendously. So many many thanks for that.
Newlife, I’m late in responding to your very early post, but no less appreciative of what you had to say. You constantly keep my brain-wheels cranking…and bring me great energy and karma. Thanks, Newlife!!!
Steve
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OxDrover says:
Dear Blue,
QUOTE: “they are still evil dangerous things to be avoided completely…”
Yea, they are. I saw the first post (I think that one above is it) and then saw everyone above me sniffing he/she/it out, and raising a caution sign. I wasn’t sure, so I posted a “welcome” but a CAUTIOUS welcome…then left the computer, and came back a couple of hours later to the diatribe he/she/it had gone into.
Of course Donna can’t read 24-7 so some of these creeps get on and stay on a few hours until someone reports them. I’m glad we’ve got the button, and as SOON as we spot them, we need to DISENGAGE from them.
Our own “member” here a while back that went into a tirade of spewing anger is another example. After I saw that poster was trying to split us up and spewing nasty at some of us, I disengaged and never addressed them again. Of course that just made them “madder”—-even people who are LEGITIMATE VICTIMS sometimes become angry, and if someone has been on here a while, I give them more “rope” than a person who comes on and immediately (or after a post or two) shows up as malignant, but I’m getting to where I don’t even feel it necessary to engage with them, or to “put them straight”—they have nothing to offer me, and I am not “into” trying to “out wit” them, they are ALL SO MUCH ALIKE, what’s the POINT?
Sometimes they “trigger” newbies, or even others on here who buy into their “pity play”—-that hanged girlfriend should have been more of a tip off (for me) than it was so I got caught by a post or two, but I’m not going to worry about it. The thing is, they CANNOT HURT US BY CALLING US NAMES.
I would rather be a bit cautious with someone “new” than to “brand” someone who doesn’t know the culture here a troll, because they ALWAYS reveal themselves pretty quickly. I am proud of those that spotted he/she/it right from the first.
We are learning guys, and that is the most important part. The thing is, those of us who have been here a while need to hang tough and hang together!
I just loved he/she/its “donna sent me to test you” crack—like WE would belive that one! ROTFLMAO Of all the people in the world who would NOT send someone here to “test” us, it is Donna! If there is ANYONE I have met on the internet I DO TRUST COMPLETELY it is Donna!
Oh, well, another FREAKING RAINY DAY!!!! But it is predicted we will have Fri, Sat and Sunday sunny and NICE!!!
oH, WATCHED THE NEWS LAST NIGHT, and they caught a guy in North Little Rock who 19 years ago kidnapped and raped an 8 year old, then cut her throat and left her for dead. She was found 14 hours later, still alive—she drew a picture of the man who attacked her, but there was no way to find him.
That was in 1990, in 1996, he was convicted of raping and cutting an adult woman in Hot springs, AR and his DNA was taken. A cold case investigator had stayed on that 1990 case, and sent in DNA to be retested, and guess what? His DNA came up from the 1996 case where he was convicted, and they arrested him yesterday to send back to Texas.
They interviewed the girl from the 1990 attack and she did really well on camera, a few tears, but a GREAT LADY NOW!!!
The guy’s neighbors all thought he was a GREAT guy and he was married and his wife was with him as the FBI and the NLR police arrested him as he left for work. He even has grandkids now….If he raped that woman in 1996, and has been living in that neighborhood for several years under his own name, he sure wasn’t in prison in Arkansas long. He was also not (I think) on the sex offender web site. I couldn’t find him anyway.
I want to know WHEN Arkansas is going to get serious with Sex offenders, the “assessment” department is 5,000 people behind already, and get 5,000 new cases PER YEAR so they will NEVER CATCH UP with assessing these guys, and they “assessed” the Trojan Horse as a “level 2″ because his THREE CRIMES AGAINST 3 CHILDREN occured in ANOTHER STATE! Make sense to yOU? NOT ME!!!
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skylar says:
Steve,
Timeheels, Joordeez and Mr. Buffalo are all Trojan P’s. You missed the carnival last night
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geminigirl says:
This is the devils trick, start out by flattering us, then confuse us, then insult us, then divide, and conquer.Dont forget these Narcs are tools of satan and his evil angels,if we give these trojan horse ps an inch, theyll take a mile. They LOVE all this attention, makes no difference to them if we insult or praise them, its all food for their voracious egos!If we try to spar with them, dance with them,play word or mind games with them, hey, guess what, we feel terrible we are back where we started,all this does is bring back all the old horrors from our past, that we are trying to lay to rest. Its NOT helpful or healing to pit our wits against these subhuman creatures. At thir core they ar EVIl ,pitiless, they mean us harm,not good,so my question is, why engage with them at all? Within 2 or 3 posts they show us exactly what they are. At that point, I think, NC. They HATE to be ignored!Love, gem.
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blueskies says:
Gem, I was being honest about the fact that I find it empowering to be able to laugh at their stupidity and almost blatant self exposure. That I am not in the dark gives me satisfaction. “I can SEE YOU!” gives me satisfaction.
I DO NOT want to ‘play with fire’ though. That is not going to give me ANY satisfaction. Do you get what I mean?xx
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skylar says:
Oxy, thank God they caught him. There must’ve been flags, people just don’t recognize them. That is so distressing to me. I’m actually getting upset at this. The P didn’t bother me at all. Our old “cactus” member didn’t bother me.
The only thing that bothers me is the thought of people not recognizing and being vulnerable to the P’s.
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geminigirl says:
Dearest Blueskies, Of course, I get that you find it empowering to be able to laugh at them, they are so pathetic. But maybe if we laugh, up our sleeves, quietly, an privately its much more effective,what do you think? If we engage with them, spar words with them,enter into any kind of power play or “oneupmanship with them,-we are only feeding their giant egos, and dont forget, that psychic energy were feeding them is depleting us, as they seem to have the power to suck us dry, energy wise, even online!So, I still think Oxy and Erin are right, NC is the best, they will shrivel and die without our precious energy which we need to healourselves with! Love, peace, and {{HUGS!!}} gem,XX
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skylar says:
Gem, Blue,
there was also another reason for giving him rope. Yeah, exposing him to the LF community was necessary, but exposing him to HIMSELF was part 2.
Granted, I won’t be able to follow up and help him in his growth process. and granted, he will deny that he learned anything, he will continue to feel love as hate and fear as hate. I grant all those things, but the first step in change is to realize your thinking process has been wrong. This became apparent when the WEAK, LF gang showed up with their inner-P’s I made it clear, that we have free-will. We can make a choice to be empathic or psychopathic. He can’t, he gave up that choice when he chose fear and hate over love.
In the Art of Selfishness, David Seabury said that you can’t make a man turn away from evil by pointing out that it’s evil. That just makes him want it all the more. The only way to convince a man to turn away from evil is to point out – rationally and in terms that HE can understand – that it’s STUPID. People don’t mind being evil, but no one wants to appear foolish.
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blueskies says:
Quote ya back:’I would rather be a bit cautious with someone “new” than to “brand” someone who doesn’t know the culture here a troll, because they ALWAYS reveal themselves pretty quickly. I am proud of those that spotted he/she/it right from the first.
We are learning guys, and that is the most important part. The thing is, those of us who have been here a while need to hang tough and hang together!’
I came on here just to check in last night (I was on wild Duck rescue watch) and ‘it’ just jumped off the page immediately,all there, like in Steve’s ‘send up’ BUT I have been SOOOOOOO wrong before about people… as Henry said on another thread we are all a work in progress.x
Lessons. lessons. lessons. All the time:)x
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OxDrover says:
Skylar,
Each of us must recognize them on our own. YOU are not responsible for others not seeing them….each of us has different talents and knowledge and we need to HONE these skills, AND disengaging from a person HERE who is acting inappropriately is the BEST Thing to do.
He/she/it did “catch on” when some of the bloggers were talking about “potted plants” and it infuriated he/she/it when they did, so I wasn’t sure what was going on and I responded once to he/she/it…reason, IF (and I was cautious) it was a real person then I didn’t want them offended, but didn’t have a lot of confidence it was a “real person” so made my “welcome” cautious…and disagreed politely with a couple of hi/she/its “truths”—oh, well, the thing is they did not last long. They usdually don’t.
The other one chiming in was pretty much a tip off too…saying how smart he/she/it was but nothing showing up very smart on either part, really. Just typical self agrandizing crap. They are SO PREDICTABLE. I know they are here, and I know they read and laugh and even probably get ideas on how to dupe others, but they have a problem learning from their mistakes and “don’t get the tune” even if they learn the words.
The main thing I think we need to learn to do is not let them push our buttons and disengage AS SOON AS YOU SPOT ONE.
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blueskies says:
I agree Gem! I yawned. then went away.(still too much involvement I guess, but like Oxy says I do feel protective of this site) I had a real duck to take care of xx I am learning.:)x The last thing I want to do is end up in a sparing contest with a waste of space.xxx I am down with that COMPLETELY.xxx
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geminigirl says:
Sky, I thought that these people never ever change? Everyone has been telling me this for 4 months since I found LF. How is it possible to xpose a Narcopath to himself, when his huge ego cannot find anything wrong with his perfect, faultless being?I think that by engaging with this creature all it did was expose the Narc tendencies in some of us LF members! How can we help someone with their growth process when they feel they have done growing and are perfect,flawless human beings?I still think if you dance with the devil, the devil will win, if you pet a wild tiger, sooner or later, its going to come in for the kill!Love,Gem You could never expose him to himself , he is perfection in human form, remember?
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blueskies says:
Gem, you got that right. they dont ever, ever, ever. all we can do is alert the board admin /authorities/wives/husband ect. and move away. even that wont stop them. But, wrapping your head around the stone cold fact that you cant do a THING about THEM is tough… at first. We are over-riding everything we once believed about people. Re-writing circuits.xx Its taken me almost a year, to REALLY get it, and 35 to ‘wake up’.xx
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kim frederick says:
I have taken my potted plant out of the noose, and put it back on the window sill, beside the gray rock.
I agree that not engaging probably would have been better for the LF community as a whole. But on a personal level, it was a gas! Sorry though, I can see that it was upsetting to a bunch of you.
Now, on that note, NO CONTACT BEGINS IN MY HEAD. OL’ Buffy is still sucking energy this morning, since ya’ll are still
conversing about him. Still giving him status, still letting him affect this cyber-space.
It may well be an excercise in futility, except that I found out how easily I’m baited………..I probably need to work on that.
Pinky-doodle is sleeping, peacefully, this AM. I think He’s exhausted, but satisfied.
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skylar says:
Give Pinky doodle a kiss for me. Jasper and Dillon are both snuggled in their beds too. (they are my orange boys)
I’m all about learning. Last night was a bit of a learning experience, not so much from what the P did, but from the reactions to him.
So my potted plant is on a gray rock and my handy rope is wound up and hanging on a post.
I got no sleep last night, woke up at 3AM, but at least I used that time to fix the “Y” key on my keyboard.
these laptop keyboards are really a pain to fix once a key goes bad, but I fixed it all by myself!
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Twice Betrayed says:
Well, hello LF posters….this is where you all are….back from the brief experience of the aliens visit.
Great to see your potted plant is ok…I was worried about it. Remember: just because we cannot understand what someone is saying does not mean it’s deep. Truth is usually pretty clear and easy to understand. Now I have a rule in my mind that I go by and I try never to violate it….if I do not understand it and it feels wrong….I leave it alone. Man is the only creature that will override his gut feeling of danger…animals always move on it. I always move on it now….and it’s proving to be much safer.
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Twice Betrayed says:
Also, some things that seem ‘deep’ are actually just crap in a fancy package…I don’t spend time listening to it…one thing I can know from the get go…is horse manure….I’ve been a horse owner long enough to smell it….;)
I am actually enjoying my Rhett Butler attitude: Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn. Ahahahaha!
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kim frederick says:
Thanks, TB, that is very good advise.
P motto: If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull s–t……………………………….:)
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Twice Betrayed says:
Kim, as usual….girl, you are right on…and bottom line. *HIGH FIVE!
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candyharlau says:
Hi everyone,
miss you……i took a few days break from LF…
i’m happy to say, i’m feeling stronger every day.
it’s been a week and a half since the P tried to contact me after his final DV injunction papers were signed off by the court. he called and emailed wanting to ‘pick up his shit, ASAP.’
i’ve maintained NC.
IF, and only IF, i have to have contact…should he confront me, i will play dumb (like him). all he did was tell me lies and/or handle any issue with avoidance or omission. SO, when he asks me for any of his shxx, i will shrug my shoulders, tilt my head out of curiousity, and nonchalantly say, ‘what are you talking about?’ inotherwords, i will act like i know nothing….and then, walk away (or call the police, if necessary).
i pray that i dont ever have to engage w/this P at any level. i refuse to let him know anything about me, get to me, and most particularly I DON’T WANT HIM TO SEE OR FEEL ANY EMOTION FROM ME…
JUST HOW COLD IS ICE!?!?!?!?!
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OxDrover says:
Kim, that working on how easily we can be “baited” is a good thing, and some day we will all reach the NIRVANA of INDIFFERENCE, where as soon as we smell on, we DISENGAGE IMMEDIATELY without a single backward glance, the same way we would if we spotted a little garden snake in the grass…. not afraid of it, just don’t want to mess with it.
On HERE they can’t hurt us unless we let our emotions get tangled with them. In RL they CAN hurt us if we don’t spot them, or if we get emotionally involved before we realize what they are. HERE I don’t let ANYONE get between me and LF–this is MY HAPPY “HOME” ON THE WEG, and although it is not exclusively “mine” I’m not going to let someone else come in the house and ruin it for me.
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kim frederick says:
thanks Oxy, I think I over indulged my inner P last night……………………I have a toxic hang-over.
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Twice Betrayed says:
Kim: you are so correct on feeling badly after dealing with them or them bringing that out in us. It makes us sick….and they feed on it. I never want to feel that way again…I can feel them baiting in a NY second and I want no part of it. I have spent/wasted enough years at that sick game and it’s just like my wise old N mom said: “you cannot make a purse outta a sow’s ear.”
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Twice Betrayed says:
‘silk purse outta a sow’s ear’
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Twice Betrayed says:
And the thing is; These types are not interested in learning, growing or healing….which is what LF is for and wants to do. Personally, I have no time/patience for people unwilling to do these things because I do know what their true goal is: to undermine ours.
*laptop keyboard driving me nuts…forgive any typos….I like a standard keyboard better.
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ErinBrock says:
Steve Becker, LCSW says:
Newlife, Timeheels, Anetsu, Joordeez, SisterSister, Mr. Buffalo, and others…thanks very very much for your feedback!!
Hearing that what I’m writing resonates with your experience inspires me tremendously. So many many thanks for that.
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“I understand that people don’t like to see P behavior, but I’m really concerned about people’s inability to recognize it. ”
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HELLLLLOOOO. Why is it that some are so caught up in the drama, comment on things and NOT get others?
We need a support group, and awareness, not youth leaders!
I think we all need to look inside of ourselves a bit deeper…..we may be surprised at just what we are missing!
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Rosa says:
I suffered a minor setback last night.
I think I have done a really good job of staying out of the fray lately, too. Darn it.
I knew I was only going to post to him once, and I did that. So, I am taking that as a small consolation for myself.
The talk about how women “fantasize about rape” was trigger part 1, and then he had to go into his “childhood example” (the trigger was pulled at that point).
Very sensitive areas for me.
By the way, I really believe this was a man.
There was an underlying contempt for women in his posts, like some of the others.
He also took on a threatening tone towards Skyler at the end of the “discussion”, at least in my opinion.
Just a theory based on my own observations.
Others could be seeing it differently.
To sum it all up, he was part PianoMan, with a little Melissa Eggers mixed in, and a splash of Passer By.
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witsend says:
ErinB,
Well I think even though we all know it is bound to happen it catches us all off guard when it does.
And we all react differently. That is human nature.
I don’t know that we can gain anything positive, by focusing on what happened yesterday, other than using it as an example of what to do with it if it happens again tomorrow.
and I don’t think that everyone “dropping” off the board is the answer either. Because what about those newcomers that might be totally unaware. Or someone else just getting on and not “knowing” whats going on, falls into their trap. That happened yesterday.
Its hard to post around them. So I’m not sure what the answer is.
What works for one person might not work for the next……
But what happenens between all of us is the REAL problem as I see it. We shouldn’t let them divide us and they DO. EVERY time.
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Steve Becker, LCSW says:
Skylar, what fireworks, last night, are you referring to?
ErinBrock, can you clarify your last post?
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witsend says:
Steve,
there was a preditor among us last night. And everyone reacted differently. Some dropped off, some were unaware, some posted warning, some greeted him as a newcomer and some set him bait to expose him clearly.
We are all still to some degree dealing with it today.
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witsend says:
Oh and you inadvertantly thanked him (by mentioning his name) in your post.
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