Comments on: Attracting a new relationship after the sociopath http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/09/14/attracting-a-new-relationship-after-the-sociopath/ Wake up to the danger of sociopaths Wed, 08 Feb 2012 07:17:13 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: mommom http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/09/14/attracting-a-new-relationship-after-the-sociopath/comment-page-9/#comment-124362 mommom Sun, 12 Jun 2011 20:22:03 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/09/14/attracting-a-new-relationship-after-the-sociopath/#comment-124362 OX I think with the death of someone there is that finality to it. I can understand becoming loney. My mother did the same thing after my Dad died. The guy wanted to know what her financial worth was...LOL She couldnt see it up until 2 weeks before they were supposed to marry. He wanted my mom to sign over all her financial accets to her,then she got wise. She was very lonely too. I get that. For me,the very thought of a man right now is just sickening. OX

I think with the death of someone there is that finality to it. I can understand becoming loney. My mother did the same thing after my Dad died. The guy wanted to know what her financial worth was…LOL She couldnt see it up until 2 weeks before they were supposed to marry. He wanted my mom to sign over all her financial accets to her,then she got wise. She was very lonely too. I get that.
For me,the very thought of a man right now is just sickening.

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]]> By: Ox Drover http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/09/14/attracting-a-new-relationship-after-the-sociopath/comment-page-9/#comment-124361 Ox Drover Sun, 12 Jun 2011 20:14:47 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/09/14/attracting-a-new-relationship-after-the-sociopath/#comment-124361 Dear Mommom, Sometimes people seem to think (I think) that a new relationship with someone else will ease the pain of the loss of the other one. I got involved with a psychopath BF about 8 months after the death of my husband, because I was so lonely, so hurting, and it distracted me from my own pain and grief. Of course it was a TERRIBLE MISTAKE but I did get out of it 8 months later, but caused myself a lot of pain and added grief to losing my husband, and I still had to do the grieving for losing him. I sincerely suggest that anytime anyone loses one serious relationship that they wait at least a year or so before getting involved with another one, sometimes longer if the relationship they lost (either through death or break up) was a long term one. Don't say "never"---who knows ? YOu might actually find a good relationship, but I think that fiinding a relationship with OURSELVES BY OURSELVES is the most important thing, then we can SHARE a good relationship with someone else. In the end, we make ourselves happy or not, no one else can do that for us. Dear Mommom,

Sometimes people seem to think (I think) that a new relationship with someone else will ease the pain of the loss of the other one. I got involved with a psychopath BF about 8 months after the death of my husband, because I was so lonely, so hurting, and it distracted me from my own pain and grief. Of course it was a TERRIBLE MISTAKE but I did get out of it 8 months later, but caused myself a lot of pain and added grief to losing my husband, and I still had to do the grieving for losing him. I sincerely suggest that anytime anyone loses one serious relationship that they wait at least a year or so before getting involved with another one, sometimes longer if the relationship they lost (either through death or break up) was a long term one.

Don’t say “never”—who knows ? YOu might actually find a good relationship, but I think that fiinding a relationship with OURSELVES BY OURSELVES is the most important thing, then we can SHARE a good relationship with someone else. In the end, we make ourselves happy or not, no one else can do that for us.

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]]> By: mommom http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/09/14/attracting-a-new-relationship-after-the-sociopath/comment-page-9/#comment-124342 mommom Sun, 12 Jun 2011 19:01:49 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/09/14/attracting-a-new-relationship-after-the-sociopath/#comment-124342 I dont know why anyone would want to go from the frying pan to the fire. For me thinking about a different relationship is simply out of the question. Im not healed,It wouldnt be fair to bring all my baggage into a new relationship. I dont see myself as ever remarrying or having anything more than a casual friend I dont know why anyone would want to go from the frying pan to the fire. For me thinking about a different relationship is simply out of the question. Im not healed,It wouldnt be fair to bring all my baggage into a new relationship. I dont see myself as ever remarrying or having anything more than a casual friend

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]]> By: witsend http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/09/14/attracting-a-new-relationship-after-the-sociopath/comment-page-9/#comment-66604 witsend Mon, 15 Mar 2010 16:17:43 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/09/14/attracting-a-new-relationship-after-the-sociopath/#comment-66604 Momma Gem, There are so many things that can trigger our emotions. We have to try and be aware of those that we can control, because there are so many more that we have no control of. I am trying to process some of this stuff. what triggers that I "walk" right into, vs those that I have no control over. All we can do is put one step forward and continue on the journey. xxxxxx Momma Gem,
There are so many things that can trigger our emotions. We have to try and be aware of those that we can control, because there are so many more that we have no control of.
I am trying to process some of this stuff. what triggers that I “walk” right into, vs those that I have no control over.

All we can do is put one step forward and continue on the journey.

xxxxxx

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]]> By: geminigirl http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/09/14/attracting-a-new-relationship-after-the-sociopath/comment-page-9/#comment-66586 geminigirl Mon, 15 Mar 2010 11:51:15 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/09/14/attracting-a-new-relationship-after-the-sociopath/#comment-66586 Dearest Conomo, Thank you-its so good we can share our joys and our sorrows!i too am so grateful to havea place where we are understood, believed,supported, and vindicated.Yes, we ARE survivors! Prayers and love to you too, sweet heart. Love, Gem.XX Dearest Conomo, Thank you-its so good we can share our joys and our sorrows!i too am so grateful to havea place where we are understood, believed,supported, and vindicated.Yes, we ARE survivors! Prayers and love to you too, sweet heart. Love, Gem.XX

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]]> By: conomo http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/09/14/attracting-a-new-relationship-after-the-sociopath/comment-page-9/#comment-66574 conomo Mon, 15 Mar 2010 08:58:35 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/09/14/attracting-a-new-relationship-after-the-sociopath/#comment-66574 Dear Gem. its late...but here I am....I am relating to that pain you feel....F it hurts .I too am so thankful for a place (LF) to talk--we are at different stages...but we understand the mind f*k. Good thing is, we haave a heart. I hope we never completely shut that down. I've be tempted many times, but we cant let them win! Thaat's why why are SURVIVORS!! prayers love and big (((hug))) Dear Gem. its late…but here I am….I am relating to that pain you feel….F it hurts .I too am so thankful for a place (LF) to talk–we are at different stages…but we understand the mind f*k.

Good thing is, we haave a heart. I hope we never completely shut that down. I’ve be tempted many times, but we cant let them win!

Thaat’s why why are SURVIVORS!! prayers love and big (((hug)))

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]]> By: geminigirl http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/09/14/attracting-a-new-relationship-after-the-sociopath/comment-page-9/#comment-66571 geminigirl Mon, 15 Mar 2010 06:08:52 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/09/14/attracting-a-new-relationship-after-the-sociopath/#comment-66571 Dearest Witty, Im having the same problem with PTSD. I thought I was over it,and as you know my "trigger' was seeing that hurtful message on FB from my spath daughter and her former punk friend, G. the problem is that for 30 years Ive tamped down the anger, rage, hurt, frustration, fear, everything, from getting my home and studio wrecked{twice}. And when the spath D had kids, in order to get to see them, I had to "play nice", and "pretend" nothing had happened,for 15 years!. When D banned me from her wedding in 1994, but invited my ex, his new wife, and my present husband,{who naturally didnt go!}i was so devastated that I went of to Greece for 3 weeks by myself, to "escape' and take my mind off the hurt. Ive tried, over the last 15 years to get a n apology for THAT,episode and others, but, nothing.All I got was"Its all your fault, your a f-cking drama queen thats why C wont see you either, Mum!,cant you see YOU are the problem!" NEVER any resolution, apology or just a "Sorry, Mum," Now, 30 years since the home and studio wreckage, Im FINALLY allowed to be angry, thanks to LF, Im FINALLY out of the FOG, but still NO closure, never will be.Now Im finding it so dam HARD to get this belated RAGE and hurt OUT! And now my SIL isnt talking to me either! That means, no GKids coming over, but you know what, let the chips fall where they may, I am so OVER pandering to horrible selfish pricks! {Sorry!}IM OVER ALL OF THEM!! Love, Gem.XXX Dearest Witty, Im having the same problem with PTSD. I thought I was over it,and as you know my “trigger’ was seeing that hurtful message on FB from my spath daughter and her former punk friend, G. the problem is that for 30 years Ive tamped down the anger, rage, hurt, frustration, fear, everything, from getting my home and studio wrecked{twice}. And when the spath D had kids, in order to get to see them, I had to “play nice”, and “pretend” nothing had happened,for 15 years!. When D banned me from her wedding in 1994, but invited my ex, his new wife, and my present husband,{who naturally didnt go!}i was so devastated that I went of to Greece for 3 weeks by myself,
to “escape’ and take my mind off the hurt. Ive tried, over the last 15 years to get a n apology for THAT,episode and others, but, nothing.All I got was”Its all your fault, your a f-cking drama queen thats why C wont see you either, Mum!,cant you see YOU are the problem!” NEVER any resolution, apology or just a “Sorry, Mum,” Now, 30 years since the home and studio wreckage, Im FINALLY allowed to be angry, thanks to LF, Im FINALLY out of the FOG, but still NO closure, never will be.Now Im finding it so dam HARD to get this belated RAGE and hurt OUT! And now my SIL isnt talking to me either! That means, no GKids coming over, but you know what, let the chips fall where they may, I am so OVER pandering to horrible selfish pricks! {Sorry!}IM OVER ALL OF THEM!! Love, Gem.XXX

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]]> By: one_step_at_a_time http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/09/14/attracting-a-new-relationship-after-the-sociopath/comment-page-9/#comment-66569 one_step_at_a_time Mon, 15 Mar 2010 05:34:16 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/09/14/attracting-a-new-relationship-after-the-sociopath/#comment-66569 will do witty. xx will do witty. xx

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]]> By: witsend http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/09/14/attracting-a-new-relationship-after-the-sociopath/comment-page-9/#comment-66568 witsend Mon, 15 Mar 2010 05:23:18 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/09/14/attracting-a-new-relationship-after-the-sociopath/#comment-66568 One Step, I wish I could say that I have. Years ago when first diagnosed I had panic attacks and I took medication. I honestly thought that I had been "managing" my PTSD symtoms after I got off of the meds and stopped having the attacks for several years. But truthfully all I was doing was surviving through them. I simplified my life for years just focusing on raising my kids and going through the grief process after the suicide. I thought if I could do just these two things well, and stay on task with this, that was enough. But it wasn't because I really avoided so many other areas of my life. I avoided many of my fears and tried to always stay in my comfort zone. So as not to raise my anxiety level. But the anxiety was always there. Now all these years later I am right back where I started. The anxiety is very high again. I have just started to talk to my counselor about this recently. If you learn anything about dealing with the symptoms that is helpful I would love to hear about it. And I will share anything I learn as well as that is what I am going to focus on with my counselor. I need to learn how to "quiet myself" and meditate. I haven't been able to do this. One Step,
I wish I could say that I have. Years ago when first diagnosed I had panic attacks and I took medication. I honestly thought that I had been “managing” my PTSD symtoms after I got off of the meds and stopped having the attacks for several years.
But truthfully all I was doing was surviving through them. I simplified my life for years just focusing on raising my kids and going through the grief process after the suicide. I thought if I could do just these two things well, and stay on task with this, that was enough.
But it wasn’t because I really avoided so many other areas of my life. I avoided many of my fears and tried to always stay in my comfort zone. So as not to raise my anxiety level. But the anxiety was always there.
Now all these years later I am right back where I started. The anxiety is very high again.
I have just started to talk to my counselor about this recently.

If you learn anything about dealing with the symptoms that is helpful I would love to hear about it.
And I will share anything I learn as well as that is what I am going to focus on with my counselor.
I need to learn how to “quiet myself” and meditate. I haven’t been able to do this.

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]]> By: one_step_at_a_time http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/09/14/attracting-a-new-relationship-after-the-sociopath/comment-page-9/#comment-66556 one_step_at_a_time Mon, 15 Mar 2010 04:50:01 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/09/14/attracting-a-new-relationship-after-the-sociopath/#comment-66556 witty - have you done any targeted work on the PTSD? if you have can you share what kind of work with me? i think i have to start there, 'cause it is really impairing me. x one step witty – have you done any targeted work on the PTSD?

if you have can you share what kind of work with me?

i think i have to start there, ’cause it is really impairing me.
x one step

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