Catch and release
PDF Recently Lovefraud heard from a woman whom we’ll call Trina. Trina was involved with a sociopath for five years, who abandoned her eight months ago, after wrecking her financially and emotionally. Still, she continued to be in shock, denial and disbelief—until the guy sent her the following poem:
Catch and Release
Before I pull your hair and leave you for dead
I will ravish you
not physically, but with words sensuous and firm
with sibilance rolling off my chameleon tongue
and metaphors byzantine and allusive pitched
to that intimate space between your ears.
I will watch you wriggle with denial,
claw with anger, bargain for release,
splash like a drowning animal in hopelessness.
And when I observe the contour of your acceptance,
the precise moment your will bends pliantly to mine
I will release you.
Game over.
Trina was horrified, and when she communicated this to the guy, he denied that the poem was at all autobiographical. He said she needed to “lighten up;” she was too “up tight;” he’d just taken a line from a TV show and embellished it. Here’s how he explained it to Trina:
“I thought that was a great opening line and I twisted it a bit, threw in Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’s five stages of grief as I played on the word ‘dead’ and created a poem, role playing the braggart and using a line that fishermen do when they fish for fun and not food.”
“This man knows he drove me to the point of near suicide,” Trina says, “and rather than feeling badly for it, he actually taunts me, to this day.”
When there is no reason
Many sociopaths are parasites, manipulating people into giving them money, food, sex, a place to live—whatever. But some sociopaths, who may actually hold down a job and have their own resources, manipulate people, even torment them, just for the fun of it.
There are sociopaths who break women’s hearts just to watch them fall apart. There are sociopaths who commit crimes just to prove they can get away with it. There are sociopaths who disrupt workplaces for their own amusement. These people simply want to be puppet masters, pulling strings and watching everyone else jump.
This is probably the most difficult type of sociopathic behavior to comprehend. Many of us have spent hours, days, weeks, even years trying to figure out why a sociopath acted the way he or she did. Sometimes there is no reason other than the sociopath found the situation he or she created to be entertaining.
So how do we come to grips with this? How do normal people, who try to be considerate and cooperative, understand this behavior?
We can’t. These sociopaths are totally twisted. It’s just the way they are.
written by Donna Andersen • Permalink •
OxDrover says:
Tilly,Dear,
They try to smear us with the guilt, that we are responsible for them because we gave birth to them—NOT NOW!!!
yes, when they were little we were responsible and we gave them everything we had to give–NOT NOW!!!
They are on their own, out of the nest, able to fly if they were not too lazy, but instead they want to ride on our backs while they sink us. NOT NOW!!!
You get rid of that guilt NOW!!!! Don’t make me have to get the skillet out, I cleaned house all day and I am a tired old bat! TIRED!!! As Maxine says “house work is too much troubel, you wash the dishes, and heck, six months later you have to do it AGAIN! LOL ROTFLMAO
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Tilly says:
Hi Brilhancy!
All the aussies are coming out of the closet! lol! I KNEW there were millions of Ps here, and now I am meeting some of their victims…my new family! VICTIMS NO MORE!!!xo
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Tilly says:
Oxy:
Thankyou. I had a shocker of a day! Two male psychopaths that i have known for a few years (and only recently realised were full blown sociopaths), decided to launch a cell phone sms “attack” on me. I wasn’t prepared for it. I stayed no contact with the more evil of the two, but my rage was triggered with the other one and i let him have it by sms. Then my youngest son arrived and saw me texting like an hysterical maniac and took my cell phone off me . Then we had a fight (because he is sick of me falling into “answering psychopaths”). So the rest of my day was ruined as I felt revenge and fear and sad and mad and……………when does it end? My son said if i answer any of them ever again he will wipe me. He said he has had enough of me falling into their trap and he can’t take it anymore. He said, “get some new friends mum”. So now i have been well and truly told. He said “if you can’t do it for yourself do it for me” He has just turned 20. I hate myself.
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Tilly says:
Geminigirl:
I live in the capital of New Zealand, (the gold coast). I was told that we have some scottish blood in our family and I would love to visit there. (Like RIGHT NOW!lol!)
I know your daughter and my daughter will be ok Gem. There is nothing surer. There will always be some poor guy out there that they can “suckerpunch”. Or some unsuspecting new “girl friend” that they can use.My daughter has blocked me on facebook… so thats a good thing (stay NC).What I worry about is you and i getting over them Geminigirl. But if Oxy can do it then we can too.I have had a shocker of a day. You know, I wish i could cry but i’ve been wired to stay on guard. Guess there won’t be much sleep tonight. Anyway, it made my sociopath teacher look like an annoying mosquito today! lol!
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Tilly says:
Rosa:
Let me know when you are over here and i will meet you for a much needed hug!
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Tilly says:
Now I don’t have a phone!! LOL! I love my son!
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Rosa says:
Tilly:
You know I will definitely do that!
P.S. I will also buy one of your paintings (the one where God meets the psychopath).
I will bring it home with me, and treasure it forever!
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OxDrover says:
Dear Tilly,
GOOD FOR YOUR SON!!! apparently he borrowed either my skillet or your boomarang for a much needed LOVE TAP ON YOUR THICK SKULL! Good for him.
I know it is DIFFICULT not to be triggered by these people and to go into FIGHT BACK mode, but we must be CUNNING and use our ENERGY for protecting ourselves. We must over come our own need/instinct/desire to strike back.
Just like with this deal about my egg donor, I am using my CUNNING on this, in a MANIPULATION, not a RE-ACTION.
At first even the thought of breaking NC was devestating to me, but I am getting back into my THINKING and ACTING mode rather than RE-ACTING to the emotions. There are times we are safer if we plan our actions rather than just RE-ACT to what they do.
Either the old ones will pop back up or we will meet new ones, and the thing is Tilly, we have to look at these encounters in a LOGICAL and RATIONAL way rather than react emotionally. NOT ALWAYS EASY TO DO, heck, I think NOT EVER easy to do. But our strength in this is KNOWLEDGE OF WHAT THEY ARE, and that they are EVIL and we must “NOT LET THEM TRIGGER US”
I have found that the UNEXPECTED appearance of them triggers me more than anything else….like when I ran into the egg donor in the store, or my X-BF-P showed up at the local auction in MY TERRITORY when he lives 4 hours away.
So I see a PATTERN in my RE-ACTING to them, and it is the encounter being UN-expected, because I don’t have time to prepare. Even just the THOUGHT of the seeing her for the manipulation, AND the fact that I will forever after have to have SOME contact with her face to face, knowing what she is and PRETENDING “all is okay” when it will NEVER BE. Just like you and your P-Teacher, you HAVE TO HAVE CONTACT and PRETEND ALL IS LOVELY when you know it is NOT. That is a hard one.
These people on here who have to ahve contact with their X because of kids must be FREAKING HELL ON EARTH. I can’t even imagine how hard it must be for them when the X uses the kids as weapons. What strength they must have. You and I have been spared that at this time, Tilly, so we need to thank our stars above that we don’t ALSO have that burden to bear!
You and I are strong old bats, so you put some ice on your bump on your head and tell your son that you appreciate what he did for you!!!!! I’ve got a few big lumps from my kids too so that’s what we do, LOOK OUT FOR EACH OTHER and when we see each other doing something counter productive, pointing it out! ((((hugs)))) and my Prayers for you Tilly, and a big hug for your son!!!!
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Tilly says:
Rosa:
Thankyou! I will save it for you! xo
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Tilly says:
I couldn’t sleep all night because I threatened the evil psychopath on the phone by text/sms. What i did was send a bunch of threats telling the lesser evil one to tell the really evil one that I will “do this that and everything else to him”. If he shows it to the police, (which in retrospect was their plan, since i went no contact) i’m a gonna.
I hate my life.
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Tilly says:
P.S. of course i didn’t write here what i sent by text, but i went on and on..and on.
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justabouthealed says:
We all have our moments! I hope you can get some sleep. Back to NC. It was a LAST statement. Bury them in your mind. Hang up if you hear their voice. Return to sender any mail. NC. They are dead to you. Gone.
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ANewLily says:
Dear all,
Just a scrambled thinking note about ramifications of NC.
My oldest sister died today. Now, I’ll never be able to talk to her or attempt to put things right.
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justabouthealed says:
ANewLily, I’m so sorry for your loss. It is never easy, no matter what the relationship. My mother died in January, AND left a nasty note for me, that I can never put right. But in the end, I think I could never put things right except in my own heart, and that is hard enough. As we age, these losses are harder I think, in a way. I’m so sorry you have this added grief. I went ahead and made a memorial rock garden for my mom. Rocks are probably the right symbol for me! But I do honor what she did do right and try to forget the rest, except to see the ways it has made me stronger.
I hope you find a way to make peace with this. We are very good at making ourselves feel guilty or sad or thinking too much about the past, when all we really ever have, EVER, is this present precious moment.
Hugs and comfort. Forgive me if I chose the wrong words.
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henry says:
Dear Lilly – James 4:14 Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.
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Jen2008 says:
Dear NewLilly,
I’m so sorry about your sister. Jenn
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jfog1 says:
OMG!!! I just read the poem sent by the “S”. It has been a while since I have been on the blog because of work and caring for my father, etc.. The monster who wrote that could have been my soon to be ex. He loves to play people, suck them in, then throw them out. Still, he torments from time to time. Just when I start feeling like he is gone from my life, he pulls stunts to frustrate and anger me enough to have to get in touch with him. He has stolen from me, thwarted every attempt to get my house back, which I have now succeeded in, and now he is at it again, trying to make me think that he is living in the house that is supposed to be mine and emptyand trying to sell.
I live four hours away, making it difficult for me to know what is going on. But, this time I will not contact him, because he derives great pleasure from tormenting his victims. Who knows why these types of N/S/P’s are this way. He is the worst kind. He is the type in the poem, he is a thief, He does hold down a high paying administrative position of which he lied about his credentials, he peruses child pornography, has multiple affairs, and in my case, I was fortunate to get out alive. Still, he torments…
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Tilly says:
Thankyou Jah,
Yes they are another two who broke my heart, I thought they were true friends even though I only knew one a short time. Could you please bring the laser over here and remove the tatto on my head that says “psychopaths apply here?’
I hate saying that since the melissa lawyer is on and i feel ashamed of my pain. xo
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ErinBrockovich says:
Tilly:
I want to hear you speaking highly of yourself.
Stop putting yourself down girl. You MUST get to a point of stepping back and observing your ‘mistakes’ so as not to repeat them.
You do not have a tat on your forehead, you are in the fog…..until you get out of it, you will not be able to secure positive relationships.
You are trusting the wrong persons. Simple. Get to know yourself and WHY you are doing this.
We have to deal with all sorts of personalities in our day, step back and observe rather than be the forefront. Get what YOU need out of any situation and allow the rif raf to fall away.
I believe your self esteem is in the dumper…..not that is shouldn’t be with all you have been through……but you must believe in yourself despite your journey…..If you don’t, you will continue to attract persons of this caliber.
It’s only until we are ‘sick’ of our situations will we look at a new way of approaching things.
Your sick of this, I read it in your posts…..NOW…..step back and look at why and what your going to do about it…..
You don’t have to tolerate abuse, dishonesty, manipulations…..but it’s YOU that has to make the change from within……You have to value yourself to do this.
We will not stop the abusive personality types….we will only change OUR way of allowing them to effect us.
Do not allow it.
Pick yourself up and believe in yourself….your a wonderful, beautiful, caring and compasionate woman…..
Be the queen of your world!!!!
XXOO
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geminigirl says:
Dearest NewLily, I am so sorry to hear about your oldest sisters death. While I was lying down just now, having a nap,all of this “came” to me, as if it had been dictated to me by an angel. So will you try it? Please dont think it tacky or strange. First, you will need to buy a few things.here is your shopping list, which I woke up with in my head! Youll need, a small sqaure of pale pink silky material. Two small candles, one pink,{your sisters] and one white{for you}.. Two lengths of narrow satin baby ribbon, one lot white, one pink. Some artificial rose petals,{craft shops may sell them>} a few small, inexpensive silver gilt picture frames. A small bottle of pure oil of roses, and one of oil of jasmine. Two balloons, one white, one pink.A few rose quartz stones,smooth or rough, they heal the heart.
This is what I was “told’ to tell you to do. set up a small altar, it could be on a dressing table, a small corner of your bedroom. set up the small altar, first with the pale pink cloth, arange on it the two small candles, the rose quartz stones,the rose petals. Get a few old childhood pics of you and your sister as young children. Frame them in the little gilt frames. Place them on each side of the candles. Blow up the balloons. Tie them to your left wrist, with both the white, and the pink ribbon.Dont light the candles yet! Say, {your sisters name},
“In our hearts we know we love each other . let us honour the innocent child in each of us. let us remember only the good times we shared. Lets forgive each other, from our hearts. let us love each other, its not too late.You are forever with me”. Now, go outside, cut the ribbons, let both balloons fly away, and say”I let you go in love, please also let me go,in love,Goodbye!” Cut the ribbons. Go inside back to the altar. Sprinkle the rose oil, and the jasmine oil, light the two candles, and say,” May the angels of healing unite our hearts in love, and may my prayers, like incense, float to god. ” Ask her for a sign she has heard, such as a butterfly appearing suddenly soon, or a white dove, or a drift of feathers. YOU decide.Now meditate quietly on what you have just done, and say,”I give all this to God,take this burden from me. There is no fear in love. Thank you God.!” Blow out the candles,-you are now in a place of PEACE!! And that peace will NOT t leave you.!! Love, geminigirl{{{HUGS!!!}}}xxx
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ErinBrockovich says:
Newlily:
I too am sorry for your loss. Do not feel guilt for your NC, there was a reason for this. Do not second guess yourself, you are a good woman and made decisions based on what yu had to do at the time……
It’s unfortunate that we don’t always get to have closure, the way we would have wished it.
Rest assured, you did what your heart told you, and in April on her Birthday.
I believe everything happens for a reason….it’s up to us to see the reason.
Your in my thoughts. Stay strong and remember good times.
XXOO
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Tilly says:
ErinB:
Thankyou so much.
I know what you said is so true and I have come a long way ErinB and there is still a lot further to go. I am like Oxy, if the psychopath gets me when I am not prepared, when i am “off guard”, then I stagger and fall and it takes me a while to get back up on the right track again.
I agree wholeheartedly with what you said. I am not sure how to do it, but its not because I havn’t tried EVERYTHING (even the lovely rituals like our geminigirl gave lily), thankyou again. I am getting back up off the ground ErinB.
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Tilly says:
ANLily:
Now is the perfect time to talk to her! Now at last she is all ears and she will hear you ANewLily.
When the time is right tell her everything you ever wanted to.
Gods timing is perfect. That is all you need to know.
We are grateful you are with us and can share your pain with us and allow us to try to reach out to you.
Take care Lily, you are a beautiful little soul.
xo
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ANewLily says:
Dear Geminigirl, Thank you sincerely for your angelic ritual about which you took your time to post to me. I have no money to make the purchases you mentioned but I can do the steps in my mind, just not yet. Isaiah 61 is helping currently.
Dear Tilly, I have been “talking” to her last night and today. The day before when I didn’t yet know she had passed, I truly felt our mother “talking” to me. It was all good.
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blueskies says:
Hi everyone:)xx Just catching up after being off-line for a few (in more ways than one:() Although I think I needed a complete shut down, some ‘quiet time’, I have missed chatting here and the support everyone gives to each other sooo much xxx. I see some have been going through some really undeserved tough times:( Lots and lots of love to you all, you wonderful lot xxx
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Tilly says:
Hey Blueskies!
Great that you are back!
“Nothing but blueskies from now on”….xo
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geminigirl says:
Dearest NewLily, Im glad you found my ideas helpful. Does Donna allow us to give out our own email addresses? I f so, I have a suggestion. I can give you my email, then you can let me have your postal address, and it will give me great pleasure in buying and sending thesethings to you.I can afford it right now, and id love to do this for you.Can you please ask Donna if were allowed to give private email addresses? let me do this for you. I send you love and peace!{{{Hugs}}} geminigirlXXX
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ANewLily says:
God is blessing me more than I deserve!
What a generous and loving gesture to send these things to me! I don’t know how to contact Donna, except to “report abusive somments” That won’t do. LOL
I wonder if I give her my permission to send my email address to you here, can you contact her (if you know how) and send her to this post for verification?
Another blessing “out of the blue” was my loan officer who is coming to my house tomorrow has offered to take me to and from the local airport if I can figure out a way to get there.
One of my nephews has offered to pay my air fare — but there is another complication. I can’t find direct flights to the city where the memorial service will be held on Aug 20, the city where I’ve visited since I was in junior high! I’d be able to stay at her house there (because the house hasn’t been sold yet) so I wouldn’t need to pay for a motel. But, how do I get from one city (where the flights do land?) to the next?
It’ll all work out if it is meant to be. I am confident of that. And I’ll have an extra week for the iron supplement to add to my energy level. I already warned my sister’s kyds that I walk like a penquin. They’ll be surprised, for sure.
(((Hugs))) back to you!!!!
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Tilly says:
ANewLIly:
YOU SOOOOOO DESERVE IT! I LOVE WHAT YOU AND OUR GEM ARE DOING> ITS BEAUTIFUL! xoxxox
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geminigirl says:
Dearest newLily, You certainly deserve all that God and the angels and us at Lovefraud have in store for you! Happier times are coming! When Donna contacts me, hopefully she will let me have your home email, so I can get your postal address from you. It was extraordinary, I was lying down thinking of you, and all of these suggestions just “came to me”, Im sure from an angel!{Probably your guardian angel, we all have one}.Dont beat yourself up any more,{we all do this!} you are a beautiful and courageous soul! Thank you so much, tilly, for calling me “our Gem”! I love it! You people are so much better than my own horrible disfunctional family!{My husband and new Iranian “kids” excepted!} Im hoping Im able to give you, tilly, my email address too. Love,peace, and hugs to you all!!geminigirl.XXX
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geminigirl says:
Ive just emailed Donna and asked her if I can give my email address to New Lily and Tilly, {and anyone else who would like to have it} Ill let you know what she says when I hear from her. Hugs, geminigirlXX
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OxDrover says:
Dear Tilly,
I’m gonna boink you if you dont’ get up and “fly right” as my granny used to say!
Erin gave you some great advice, and I do know it is difficult to get “body slammed” and get back up—been there, my friend! LOL There are so many people out there that may not even be “personality disordered” but they will use you, cheat a little, lie a little, etc. but I am at a point now that I am really picky about who I will associate with and don’t GIVE my trust away. It takes TIME to see how someone acts over the long haul. that’s what th ePs do is that they LOVE BOMB you at first, then you start to see the CRACKS in how they act. It may be a simple thing, a raised eye brow when they are displeased and would like to biatch slap you, but have to restrain themselves (for now).
It isn’t a smart move I don’t think to give your trust except over a long period of time, and under closer association and closer observation….not quickly at all. Real friendships take time and can’t be rushed. I have rushed into too many dysfunctional ones, and it bites me every time.
Hang on, there are some nice people out there!!! Hope your teeth are not hurting you so badly any more. Keep your chin up!11 (((hugs))))
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ANewLily says:
I almost hate to tell you my good news because some of you are hurting so bad. But, I’m going to with the hopes that my news will uplift you with hope, too.
I haven’t talked much about my brother and two sisters because I have never blamed them for not understanding. None of them have experience with disordered personalities (maybe publicly and didn’t know it) and they have a hard time accepting their former brother-in-law as one. It’s truly my fault because I kept the abuse secret until I finally was able to escape.
I *thought* my sisters believed me only to find out they were supporting me because they truly love me. I felt betrayed in a huge way about a year ago and went semi-NC with them.
My brother is a different story. I think he believed me but he is an only son as was my “empty suit.” Through the years he had developed a “brother” connection with him. However, the “empty suit” always had his mask on during the brief vacations, etc. we spent with brother and wife. Brother was ENRAGED that my divorce meant he lost a “brother” and he went NC on me about 6 years ago. I told him I wanted him to keep his relationship — and he did — and I swallowed my feeling of betrayal by him. My idea of a brother is that they are “supposed” to back up their sisters right or wrong!!
So, the good news. All thngs DO work together for good ….”
Our oldest sister’s death brought all of us together into a true family unit again!! Just in less than two days, everything, and I do mean everything, turned about face. Now I’m almost in as much shock as I was upon learning about sister’s death!
And “emtpy suit” has lost! Hallelujah!
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shabbychic says:
NewLil… Good news is a wonderful thing to share! I am so happy to hear you are a family unit again! I have a brother and sister… and don’t know what I’d do without them!! Sounds interesting… “everything turned about face… and empty suit has lost!” I’m doing a little cheerleader dance for you!! LOL
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henry says:
Oxy I miss you boinking me – yep – thats how bad my social life is..I took one of my dachshunds to the vet and I met the nicest gay couple. They were picking up their dachshund who had had back surgery. I instantly started talking to them about my three doxy’s, they also have three. They were so happy and friendly, I could just feel the good vibes coming from them. We had a good chat and then they left. On the way home I started a pity party for me – poor me – wish I had someone to share with etc. Anyway Oxy Boink, me for ole times sake – I need a thrill,,,,,,,,,,,,,
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Tilly says:
henry:
I totally identify with you (except I’m not gay lol!), but I so feel that I will never ever be with any one ever again and I am so tired of climbing mount everest on my own.
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Tilly says:
Luvyu Gem! xo
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sstiles54 says:
Dearest Henry,
I hope your doxie is ok. I am so sorry you are feeling so alone right now. I wish we could all pack up our dogs, & head to Oxy’s for a boink & bar-b-que fest. I know how you feel, & know how you are hurting. I am cyber-hugging you right now, & hope you feel better. Take the doxies out in the sunshine today.
XXXOOO
ses
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geminigirl says:
Dearest Tilly, I luv you too, sweetheart! Pray god we may meet one day if fate allows it.I feel so close to you in spirit, we share the same disfunctional daughters. Until quite recently, I was in total ignorance of all of this, ie, gaslighting, stockholm syndrome, Narcissopaths,etc. etc. But Im catching up fast! In many ways I think its so much harder to go NC with your own child, evern tho they are grown up, and not the dear sweet chubby child we remember with so much love! Im sure Oxy is right, we should have a memorial service for our ‘dead ‘ children, and move on. In some ways it would be easier if they were dead, not that we wish them dead, but the crippling never ending worry about them doesnt go away!
Ive forgiven my alcoholic husband long ago, and moved on from him, but I cant forgive my younger daughter for not contacting me for almost 17 years, and not allowing me to see her three kids,{now 13, 10, and one year old}. Ive never once seen them not even as tiny babies. I have cried out to God for answers and justice, but nothing. I have done nothing wrong to her . As oxy also says, “they are not so clever.’ No, whats so clever about throwing away a good kind husband, good jobs, money, your home, your old friends , your Mum? Its just plain stupid. I have a saying on my kitchen wall,”A wise woman builds her house, the foolish one tears it down with her hands.” Thats what my older daughter has done, torn her home down with her bare hands.And she still thinks shes smart!!NOT!! Does anyone know or care what happens to them when their looks start to fade, and they run out of suckers?I think they will end up broke, lonely and sad, but then if they dont have regular emotions, maybe this will never happen. I swing between wanting justice, and wishing ill on them, and praying that they will be safe! How crazy is this?!!See how they mess with our minds? Do you imagine in your wildest dreams when the nurse puts this adorable sweet baby in your arms, you are so proud of yourself, do you realise in16 or 17 years time this adorable baby will be swearing at you, throwin g red hot irons at you, destroying your home,lying, stealing your money, conning you , gleefully,over and over and you keep on forgiving her, over and over till your nearly dead, and FINALLY you say ENOUGH!! Thats it! NO MORE!! Ive had it! Even now, if she rang me in tears, I cant be sure I wouldnt be suckered in again. Please god it wont happen.When o when does the pain stop? The anger, the sense of injustice, the betrayal,the hurt,the pain that your own flesh can do this to you without one single shred of remorse? It would maybe be easier if it were a lover ,but your own child? What monsters have I given birth to? They both horrify me.I can t even say they are like my ex, as he wasnt as ruthless, cruel or savage or as guiltless and remorseless as these two are. Forgive this rant, but its how I feel. Hugs to all, geminigirl XX
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henry says:
My pity party continued into my dreams last nite, guess who showed up univited? In my dream I wake up and there he is, leaning back against the wall, arms folded with his smirk on his face, all shiny and clean and chipper. I struggle to ask how he got in my house but I see the open door. He say’s I loved you more than anyone and you and I should be together. I asked but what about Robert? He said “I have chosen to stay with him at this time” on his way out the door he fills up a empty klenex box with water and put’s on the floor, watrer running everywhere, I wake up with the worst dry mouth ever….ok gonna stay busy today and keep him out of my thots.
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blueskies says:
Still catching up…
Oxy, I hope everything is okay with you, I have been thinking about you while I have been offline and getting back to read the further struggles you have had to wade through makes my heart hurt.:( You are an amazingly strong person ms. old biddy;)x
Tilly:)x Thank for the welcome back.xx
Henry – I too dreamt of ‘it’ last night, it was awful, he was on top of me performing heart massage but it wasnt to revive me, but a technique designed to make it stop:( Horrible. Blooming dreams:(
Some times things you dream can linger all day as you say, they can be a reflection of your emotional state or wish forfillment expression of anxiety or happpiness and all kinds, I am of course no expert. LOL!.
On a positive note though, I realised that I had eaten a load of CHEESE and drank a cup of tea at about 9.30pm, which doesnt really encourage quality sleep, and it helped me to focus on proactively making sure I get good quality sleep and how I was going to improve it ect. A MUCH bet thing to think about than the creep nightmare… he is just a CHEESE dream.
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OxDrover says:
Dear Blueskies,
Glad you are back sweetie! Hope you are doing well and making significant progress—remember—KNOWLEDGE=POWER!
Like all of us here “some days are magic, and some days are tragic” (a doctor I used to work for said that and I think he was right) progress is not always in a straight line but if we keep on keeping on, we will “get there.” (((hugs))) and again, welcome back!
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NotYourDaddy says:
Here’s a study about sociopaths/antisocial/psychopaths writing a “love script” vs. normal people.
Love scripts of persons with antisocial personality.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19102460
“The scripts of love by antisocial inmates contained more actors’ feelings and strong emotions, as well as more descriptions of actors’ traits, their actions, and presumptions. The inmates with Antisocial Personality Disorder showed more focus on themselves when they described love than the other inmates and the controls.”
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Tilly says:
I dremed my ex psychopath murdering husband raped me last night. ( I found out after he married me that he did 12 years for rape in prison). Sweet lullabys.
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OxDrover says:
Dear NYD,
I would love to have read and seen examples of that study besides the abstract. Dr. Leedom and others here have presented some interesting researach on psychopaths and I am glad to know that it is continuing. There is a group here in the US also that Dr. Leedom is a member of that specializes in the study of psychopathy. Also Dr. Robert Hare is still active in supporting research. The genetic links being partly causal with psychopathy has been more clearly seen as well.
I’d like to be around in 100 years and see what if any progress has been made in our medical field and in our judicial field, etc. with psychopathy and other mental/social problems.
In the meantime, the word is getting out to people and with the internet available to so many on “what to google” about some problems and with “popular” writings like MaryJo Buttafuoco’s book, hopefully there will be more recognition in the public and in the judicial system of what a psychopath is and that you can’t “train” one to “be good” and that punishment doesnt’ teach them much either, so hopefully there will be enough states adopt a stricter sentencing on these chronic criminals—that would be a start any way.
Good luck and thanks for the link.
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bettyjane says:
Thank you for exposing a true sociopath! I have been divorced for over ten years and my ex gained custody of my 2 beautiful daughters. My oldest ran away from him and is in college and doing fine, however, my youngest, who is mild mentally retarded is still in his custody. I am again back in court seeking custody. So far all of the authorities, from the Police Department, Social Services, the Courts, etc., believe my ex is the most wonderful man. He is text book sociopath. Pray I get my angel away from his sickness. Oh, by the way, isn’t it just like a Sociopath to want to gain from your horror.
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kim frederick says:
Southernman, beautiful. You are an artist. Thanks.
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ANewLily says:
Henry, I am back from my sister’s funeral and am catching up on reading posts.
I read your post about your dream where you wrote, “I wake up and there he is, leaning back against the wall, arms folded with his smirk on his face, all shiny and clean and chipper.”
THREE tmes I have seen this pose of my “empty suit” and ALL of them while I lay in the hospital fighting for my life. He didn’t ever say a word, just smirked and left the room. And I stayed!! Well, I was trapped so I don’t blame myself — any more.
Oh, yes, one more time at my grandson’s wedding about 14 months ago in our hometown. I’m sure I wrote about that — I saw the “dandy” standing across the room with his back to the wall, with folded arms and STARING at me. But, I didn’t even recognize him it was him until just before he entered the church sanctuary and stood towering over me — without a word. I looked up at him and asked, “Should I know you?” Then he spoke, “Yes, It’s me.” and I was speechless — and didn’t say a word, either, just greeted the next guest. I did recognize his voice.
Hang on, everybody and Henry. The day will come when you won’t recognize your “bad guy or gal” if you pass them on the street! Hopefully never to reappear in dreams/nightmares ever again, either.
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ANewLily says:
Shabbychic, I am so glad you have a brother and sister who are true siblings.
At the funeral I didn’t a chance to speak much to my brother (but did about an hour with his wife) because they couldn’t stay long. He is a pilot and had vital flights the next day and no other pilot available to take his place.
As for my remaining sister (80 yrs old) — it was all good, including when she started “ordering” me around (life-time action) just before the funeral. I was SO proud of myself (the “baby” sister at age 72) because I firmly said, “I wish you would treat me like a sister instead of as a child!”
I had been so proud of myself that I had confronted her instead of just “swallowing it” (a life-time action on my part) that I never gave it a thought.
But, she called me this morning to make sure I had arrived home safely — a FIRST! Usually I have been the one to call her. She didn’t apologize but I could tell this is the beginning of the sister-sister relationship it should have been from the beginning! About time!
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ANewLily says:
Sorry, blueskies, that you had such a distressing nightmare about your eX doing anti-heart massage on you!
I sure hope it was a reaction to all the CHEESE before bedtime and you probably won’t do that again!
My dreams (the few I had) have all been gone for about 4 years. I pray the same healing for you.
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