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When i was sick, and the S wasn’t around….support came from far and wide…….the minute the S showed back up…..My phone stopped ringing and door stopped knocking…..
No one wanted to be around the S. It was uncanny how this worked…..
I needed support and help, as I was ‘hostage’ in my home and body……but it was just too much, too stressful for anyone to take, so they all allowed themselves to believe teh S was taking care of me.
Not the case……BUT…..none the less…..it’s just human nature…..
No explanation, no changing it……
We will lose friends if we have chaotic and drama filled relationships……WE tend to live in a fantasy and think others dont see it….but they DO!
My BEST FRIEND, watched all 28 years of my bad decisions with the S…….she remained my friend, but it was apparant at certain times in our relationship that she pulled away…..she would tell me over and over….he’s not going to change, Are you going to wait until your 60 and then see it? I heard it for YEARS… I did hear it…..but I hoped ‘she didn’t know him like I DID”……
One day……I heard her words and they meant something….I heard them verbatum…….
She was right……..I am so glad she stuck with me, but I know it was so hard for her to watch the abuse and my denial.
In fact, during the times when I would call her and say…..I’d had enought….
she would say back…..no you haven’t…..your not going to leave him…..
She says now….it was a challenge.
Now and only now is she convinced, there is no going back!
But…..I believe your friend is not being mean to you……I think they are being a true friend and I would heed the advice.
It’s the truth as I have lived it.
Good luck…..
XXOO

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I sure didn’t mean to counter your opinion! Banana’s “friend” may indeed have just been being nasty or mean.

What I wrote is just my own experience concerning her questions. I guess I’m reminded that perceptions are indiviual and usually are not right or wrong.

What do you think?

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I would assume this person is well-meaning friend. She was being brave enough to tell you what she knew you didn’t want to hear.

I would hazard a guess that if you are still with him, you are still in the FOG and probably can’t hear what is really going on yet. That is NO reflection on you or any fault of yours. It’s just the condition these “bad guys” put us in to keep us confused and controlled. Often it takes distance from them to have the “light” turn on. It did for me. Can you get away for a few days — 3 nights at a hotel or something — to sort things out with a clearer mind?

As far as your taking this last comment as an accusation that it was your fault you “chose” to marry him. Is it because you might have some unwarranted guilt that it is your fault you chose him? I ask because I went through that stage.

However, we DIDN’T chose them. They chose US because they wanted our goodness for themselves. Pure and simple.

I pray I have not been too bold to say these things. My heart is breaking for you — because I’ve “been there, done that.”

Love and blessings to you!!!

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I asked this “friend” of mine and she said “Its the truth, you are so used to people telling you what you want to hear.”

I beg to differ, I take the construction criticism well. I may not apply it the next day, but I take it in and mull it around, mix with other advice and use it when I can or when the situation begs.

But this, this comment I don’t get…it’s like I chose to marry a S/P!!!!

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http://www.wanttoknow.info/summaries

Under Health, The title should have been WEALTH

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I do know making the decision to leave is a monumentual one, and I had to give up everything I had worked for for the last 25 years…I have since been able to return to my home in RELATIVE safety, but still live with CAUTION.

I don’t know how old your children are, and how your P gets along with them, etc. but I can guarentee that living with him won’t do them any good turn. It also may be that he will use the kids as a battering ram to hurt you, that is a frequent trick of the psychopaths if you discard them.

I DO know that FOR ME, the price was TOO high to continue to play “let’s pretend we are a nice normal family” when in fact we were ANYTHING BUT! My youngest biological child is a full blown psychopath in prison for murder, and at one point the ONLY family I had supporting me was my adopted son. My oldest biological son has now (after his P-wife and her P-BF tried to kill him) come around to realize that I was not out to make his life miserable and that his wife was indeed DANGEROUS (more so than even I knew). So at least I have salvaged two of my three sons. There was no guarentee that any of us can end up with ANY family though, sometimes we lose even that, but still I don’t think the price is too high to get PEACE and CALM in our lives.

It turns out that those we “lose” are generally either not worth keeping in the first place, or they are just duped by the Ps and we cannot make them see the truth because it is too painful for them to accept it and they stay in denial.

DO stay around here, please. There is so much great information and support here. This place saved my sanity if not my life! (((hugs))) and always prayers

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