Comments on: Enabling a sociopath is unpatriotic http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/07/04/enabling-a-sociopath-is-unpatriotic/ Wake up to the danger of sociopaths Wed, 08 Feb 2012 07:17:13 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: OxDrover http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/07/04/enabling-a-sociopath-is-unpatriotic/comment-page-2/#comment-82394 OxDrover Sat, 17 Jul 2010 18:31:21 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/07/04/enabling-a-sociopath-is-unpatriotic/#comment-82394 Dear Silvermoon, YOur questions are my questions. And I think a lot of other victim's questions too. You are right....even if they are sent to prison for some period of time, they ARE let out unless they are a serial killer. Some times, even then. Murder doesn't seem to be much of a "crime" today or a reason to keep someone locked up forever. Go read my article about the books on how to hide, how to protect yourself, then buy the books---read them and learn. Yep, the criminals seem to have more "rights" than the victims do. Sorry, that's just the way things ARE and we can't as much as we would like to accomplish instant and complete change in the system. We can only work on slowly changing the system, but we can't put ourselves at RISK in the meantime. I'm not going to become a martyr. Dear Silvermoon,

YOur questions are my questions. And I think a lot of other victim’s questions too.

You are right….even if they are sent to prison for some period of time, they ARE let out unless they are a serial killer. Some times, even then. Murder doesn’t seem to be much of a “crime” today or a reason to keep someone locked up forever.

Go read my article about the books on how to hide, how to protect yourself, then buy the books—read them and learn.

Yep, the criminals seem to have more “rights” than the victims do. Sorry, that’s just the way things ARE and we can’t as much as we would like to accomplish instant and complete change in the system. We can only work on slowly changing the system, but we can’t put ourselves at RISK in the meantime. I’m not going to become a martyr.

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]]> By: silvermoon http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/07/04/enabling-a-sociopath-is-unpatriotic/comment-page-2/#comment-82392 silvermoon Sat, 17 Jul 2010 18:18:24 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/07/04/enabling-a-sociopath-is-unpatriotic/#comment-82392 Well, this is on my mind. What makes one victim safe puts another at risk. This cycle is horrible. I look at the PO who told the legal wife not to marry the P because he did bad things to women and then how she let him go into the world knowing full well what he would do. Sorry, there isn't any way not to know. He'd taken off on her before. I don't blame her. What else can you do but tell them to GET OUT OF MY LIFE! But then, here I sit, the next victim. Wondering where the chain of events started. Did it start with a system that won't disclose info about these people because they are so bound to protect the criminal's rights they can't or does it start with the last woman who threw them out? And if a woman is responsible, but the DA's won't prosecute bigamy and judges won't give PTO's, then what can you do? Go into hiding, NC and hope they find another victim instead of coming back? The hell any victim is left in justifies the expulsion but there is something not honorable about sending them out in the world again. Its going to happen and there isn't anything I can do about it except run and hide and hope that he never finds me. The whole cycle is disturbing. Well, this is on my mind.

What makes one victim safe puts another at risk. This cycle is horrible.

I look at the PO who told the legal wife not to marry the P because he did bad things to women and then how she let him go into the world knowing full well what he would do. Sorry, there isn’t any way not to know. He’d taken off on her before.

I don’t blame her. What else can you do but tell them to GET OUT OF MY LIFE!

But then, here I sit, the next victim. Wondering where the chain of events started. Did it start with a system that won’t disclose info about these people because they are so bound to protect the criminal’s rights they can’t or does it start with the last woman who threw them out?

And if a woman is responsible, but the DA’s won’t prosecute bigamy and judges won’t give PTO’s, then what can you do? Go into hiding, NC and hope they find another victim instead of coming back?

The hell any victim is left in justifies the expulsion but there is something not honorable about sending them out in the world again. Its going to happen and there isn’t anything I can do about it except run and hide and hope that he never finds me.

The whole cycle is disturbing.

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]]> By: Outlier http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/07/04/enabling-a-sociopath-is-unpatriotic/comment-page-2/#comment-75557 Outlier Tue, 11 May 2010 18:51:18 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/07/04/enabling-a-sociopath-is-unpatriotic/#comment-75557 The brother who said he'd have me locked away if I wrote another letter (defending myself, explaining what happened) is the same person I drew a picture to after the sexual abuse. He is the only person who would have seen that picture. For his eyes only. I mourned the 'death' of my brother at that point. He's gone. He enables. ibeliev he's married to a sociopath. He was in shock after the marriage. "I've been conned into this marriage" were his words. He's now become his spouse and a bully. He and his wife are very supportive of my S sister. To see one brother I love turn into an enemy is the legacy of the sociopath. I couldnt invite him to my wedding. I wanted him to be the man who gives me away (should my father be gone). He's 14 years my senior. I could never have any of my family at my wedding. I wouldnt allow them to meet any man in my life. Or my children. Any feedback will go to S sister. The brother who said he’d have me locked away if I wrote another letter (defending myself, explaining what happened) is the same person I drew a picture to after the sexual abuse. He is the only person who would have seen that picture. For his eyes only. I mourned the ‘death’ of my brother at that point. He’s gone. He enables. ibeliev he’s married to a sociopath. He was in shock after the marriage. “I’ve been conned into this marriage” were his words. He’s now become his spouse and a bully. He and his wife are very supportive of my S sister. To see one brother I love turn into an enemy is the legacy of the sociopath.

I couldnt invite him to my wedding. I wanted him to be the man who gives me away (should my father be gone). He’s 14 years my senior. I could never have any of my family at my wedding. I wouldnt allow them to meet any man in my life. Or my children. Any feedback will go to S sister.

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]]> By: Outlier http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/07/04/enabling-a-sociopath-is-unpatriotic/comment-page-1/#comment-75555 Outlier Tue, 11 May 2010 18:27:42 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/07/04/enabling-a-sociopath-is-unpatriotic/#comment-75555 Have to say when the sociopath is a psychiatrit well versed in personality disorders, then educates her enablers (my family) about anti-social PD (that she has assigned to me); the script is set in concrete. This is unbelievably hard. The enablers are speaking classic enabler dialogue. They are labelling or identifing perceptive observations within myself (or elder sister, a fellow target), again and again, but not actually figuring it out. They are actually close to the truth, but they don't get it. Over the decades my brothers have noticed certain behaviour (in me), but couldnt identify WHYYYY I behaved certain ways. So they were always a breath away from saying what I was screaming at them in my body language. Another way to describe what my brothers are doing: There's a red box on the table; I ask the enablers (my brothers) "What's that on the table". They answer "It's a red". They are simply unable to identify the box; they can only SEE the red. The box is the vital thing about the object, they only see/say the colour, what they see (our physical behaviour) on the outside. Because they have been chosen as enablers they seem to be carefully chosen ones - certain gender/very healthy, clearly not abused people. They use the target's ally to be a pawn (doing the nasty), as they know the pawn is likely to act out of 'concern' for the sociopath's target (their friend). After the nasty has been committed, the pawn quickly realises what's happened and they too end up targets as the first target naturally falls out with their best friend (the pawn) who was manipulated to betray. So the sociopth has two trophies - the caring pawn (they despise) and their original target. Attempting to defend myself I am threatened with libel and slander from the sociopath and then my sister (she learns and echoes everything the socipath says - so I hear the same dialogue twice!) Have to say when the sociopath is a psychiatrit well versed in personality disorders, then educates her enablers (my family) about anti-social PD (that she has assigned to me); the script is set in concrete. This is unbelievably hard.

The enablers are speaking classic enabler dialogue. They are labelling or identifing perceptive observations within myself (or elder sister, a fellow target), again and again, but not actually figuring it out. They are actually close to the truth, but they don’t get it. Over the decades my brothers have noticed certain behaviour (in me), but couldnt identify WHYYYY I behaved certain ways. So they were always a breath away from saying what I was screaming at them in my body language.

Another way to describe what my brothers are doing:

There’s a red box on the table; I ask the enablers (my brothers) “What’s that on the table”. They answer “It’s a red”.

They are simply unable to identify the box; they can only SEE the red. The box is the vital thing about the object, they only see/say the colour, what they see (our physical behaviour) on the outside. Because they have been chosen as enablers they seem to be carefully chosen ones – certain gender/very healthy, clearly not abused people.

They use the target’s ally to be a pawn (doing the nasty), as they know the pawn is likely to act out of ‘concern’ for the sociopath’s target (their friend). After the nasty has been committed, the pawn quickly realises what’s happened and they too end up targets as the first target naturally falls out with their best friend (the pawn) who was manipulated to betray. So the sociopth has two trophies – the caring pawn (they despise) and their original target.

Attempting to defend myself I am threatened with libel and slander from the sociopath and then my sister (she learns and echoes everything the socipath says – so I hear the same dialogue twice!)

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]]> By: pollyannanomore http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/07/04/enabling-a-sociopath-is-unpatriotic/comment-page-1/#comment-57464 pollyannanomore Tue, 15 Dec 2009 10:05:58 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/07/04/enabling-a-sociopath-is-unpatriotic/#comment-57464 That's some great advice for people who don't know much about personality disorders Dr Leedom - you've given clear behavioural indicators and quantified them - that is useful. I particularly like what you said about not dismissing the label of sociopath out of hand until proven false. Familial and relational ties can definitely make all of us do things to help sociopaths that we wouldn't normally do. let's not forget either their incredible ability to emotionally blackmail by invoking fear, obligation and guilt. We tend to give those close to us extra chances with their behaviour, but should be very very careful. I know I certainly will be in the future. That’s some great advice for people who don’t know much about personality disorders Dr Leedom – you’ve given clear behavioural indicators and quantified them – that is useful. I particularly like what you said about not dismissing the label of sociopath out of hand until proven false. Familial and relational ties can definitely make all of us do things to help sociopaths that we wouldn’t normally do. let’s not forget either their incredible ability to emotionally blackmail by invoking fear, obligation and guilt. We tend to give those close to us extra chances with their behaviour, but should be very very careful. I know I certainly will be in the future.

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]]> By: shabbychic http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/07/04/enabling-a-sociopath-is-unpatriotic/comment-page-1/#comment-44161 shabbychic Wed, 12 Aug 2009 15:01:21 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/07/04/enabling-a-sociopath-is-unpatriotic/#comment-44161 pride38: I hope you are reading LF today and will post something just to let us know how you are doing!!! pride38: I hope you are reading LF today and will post something just to let us know how you are doing!!!

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]]> By: Stayingsane http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/07/04/enabling-a-sociopath-is-unpatriotic/comment-page-1/#comment-43705 Stayingsane Thu, 06 Aug 2009 11:17:24 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/07/04/enabling-a-sociopath-is-unpatriotic/#comment-43705 Pride38 I relate to the falling for the charm, how quickly he moved in on you using his good looks...a very powerful seduction....do not blame yourself for that, you being a normal human being were so impressed by the illusion he ACTED OUT it would take extraordinary wisdom to not go for it....My ex P had the predatory stare thing going on, which I interpreted as "smouldering good looks" He would stare at me lovingly, but in hindesight it had all the warmth of a shark surveying his dinner...you were Devoured by AN ACT, AN ILLUSION and its the illusion of him you grieve for now...not the person...there is no person....the only person there was you Pride38

I relate to the falling for the charm, how quickly he moved in on you using his good looks…a very powerful seduction….do not blame yourself for that, you being a normal human being were so impressed by the illusion he ACTED OUT it would take extraordinary wisdom to not go for it….My ex P had the predatory stare thing going on, which I interpreted as “smouldering good looks” He would stare at me lovingly, but in hindesight it had all the warmth of a shark surveying his dinner…you were Devoured by AN ACT, AN ILLUSION and its the illusion of him you grieve for now…not the person…there is no person….the only person there was you

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]]> By: shabbychic http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/07/04/enabling-a-sociopath-is-unpatriotic/comment-page-1/#comment-43692 shabbychic Thu, 06 Aug 2009 04:37:52 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/07/04/enabling-a-sociopath-is-unpatriotic/#comment-43692 pride38... I am worried about you, I have been thinking about you a lot. You asked for our help and I know everyone here will support you. Please write again, it will help you sort everything out. pride38… I am worried about you, I have been thinking about you a lot. You asked for our help and I know everyone here will support you. Please write again, it will help you sort everything out.

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]]> By: ErinBrockovich http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/07/04/enabling-a-sociopath-is-unpatriotic/comment-page-1/#comment-43653 ErinBrockovich Wed, 05 Aug 2009 07:01:55 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/07/04/enabling-a-sociopath-is-unpatriotic/#comment-43653 Great article Liane: I EB was an enabeler for 28 years. When I gave up the 'position' I was quickly replaced by the S's brother and wife and S's 'friends'. I see how they all alienated me and the kids immediately, because rumor had it, I was 'mentally ill'....diagnosed by 'Dr. S'......Not sure when he got his phd....but at any rate.... The splitting and alienation started immediately and was successful with his 'side'. I will sit back and one day, the SIL will be the target again.....oh, the sick messages she would leave for him..."hi, this is your favorite SIL, just calling to say I love you".....uuuggg BARF! She was a knarly target when she had her severely handicapped daughter, years ago.....the S was horrid to her, blaming her for her daughters disabilities to anyone and everyone....you get the pic. It'll come back around! So....today, I spent several hours 'getting to know' my rental apt.'s neighbors..... OMG....I heard stories that gave me chills. The S' (while he lived in my rental) preyed on the neighbors teen daughters......the mother didn't think much of it, the fathe did. They argued (funny how that always happens).....On 4th of July, he took the girls up a mountain and left one mid way, in the dark, because she couldn't make it, she passed out.....so naturally he left her....she was of no use to him.....he took the 15 year old up to watch the fireworks.....eeeessshhhh.....this creeps me out. I enlightened her on my 'journey' and by my words, she 'got it'. I ran home and came back with a bit of documentation, and pictures and asked if they were of her daughters.....one was! OH Great article Liane:
I EB was an enabeler for 28 years. When I gave up the ‘position’ I was quickly replaced by the S’s brother and wife and S’s ‘friends’.
I see how they all alienated me and the kids immediately, because rumor had it, I was ‘mentally ill’….diagnosed by ‘Dr. S’……Not sure when he got his phd….but at any rate….
The splitting and alienation started immediately and was successful with his ‘side’.
I will sit back and one day, the SIL will be the target again…..oh, the sick messages she would leave for him…”hi, this is your favorite SIL, just calling to say I love you”…..uuuggg BARF!
She was a knarly target when she had her severely handicapped daughter, years ago…..the S was horrid to her, blaming her for her daughters disabilities to anyone and everyone….you get the pic.
It’ll come back around!
So….today, I spent several hours ‘getting to know’ my rental apt.’s neighbors…..
OMG….I heard stories that gave me chills.
The S’ (while he lived in my rental) preyed on the neighbors teen daughters……the mother didn’t think much of it, the fathe did. They argued (funny how that always happens)…..On 4th of July, he took the girls up a mountain and left one mid way, in the dark, because she couldn’t make it, she passed out…..so naturally he left her….she was of no use to him…..he took the 15 year old up to watch the fireworks…..eeeessshhhh…..this creeps me out.
I enlightened her on my ‘journey’ and by my words, she ‘got it’. I ran home and came back with a bit of documentation, and pictures and asked if they were of her daughters…..one was! OH

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]]> By: shabbychic http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/07/04/enabling-a-sociopath-is-unpatriotic/comment-page-1/#comment-43646 shabbychic Wed, 05 Aug 2009 05:32:18 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/07/04/enabling-a-sociopath-is-unpatriotic/#comment-43646 pride38... I have been the same way, of course when somebody told me they loved me I believed them, it took me a long time to grasp that there are such evil people running around, predators. It feels like breaking an addiction, because it is an addiction, it is painful to go through, reading and writing here at LF has really helped me, there are so many good articles, and thousands of great posts to read from the other bloggers, such good advice and it is all so real and comes from everyone's heart. You're still here, putting one foot in front of the other, and that is how every journey starts, this one is a journey of healing. Perhaps you read the article Oxy wrote a couple of months ago about being on the road to healing, sometimes some of us go down the road kicking and fighting it, but we always continue, it's an ongoing process, we'll be here for you. pride38… I have been the same way, of course when somebody told me they loved me I believed them, it took me a long time to grasp that there are such evil people running around, predators. It feels like breaking an addiction, because it is an addiction, it is painful to go through, reading and writing here at LF has really helped me, there are so many good articles, and thousands of great posts to read from the other bloggers, such good advice and it is all so real and comes from everyone’s heart. You’re still here, putting one foot in front of the other, and that is how every journey starts, this one is a journey of healing. Perhaps you read the article Oxy wrote a couple of months ago about being on the road to healing, sometimes some of us go down the road kicking and fighting it, but we always continue, it’s an ongoing process, we’ll be here for you.

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