Two summer books about sociopaths
PDF Two books about sociopaths could be on your reading list this summer. One of them, already out, is by the “Queen of the Best Sellers,” Danielle Steel. In her 108th book, Matters of the Heart, the main character, an accomplished female photographer named Hope Dunne, meets a man who seems to be too good to be true. He is. The guy is a sociopath.
Read an excerpt of Matters of the Heart here.
The author was interviewed last week on Good Morning America. Although I’ve never read any of Danielle Steel’s books, I did like the fact that when she described sociopathic behavior in the interview, she got it right.
“Sociopaths are interesting because one of the things they do is something called mirroring,” she said. “They suss out what it is that is your dream in life and what you really want and need, and then they become that.” Amen, sister!
If anyone is a Danielle Steel fan, perhaps you can pick up the book and let Lovefraud readers know how she did in portraying the personality disorder.
Matters of the Heart on Amazon.com.
Mary Jo Buttafuoco
Perhaps you remember the “Long Island Lolita” story. Back in 1992, 17-year-old Amy Fisher rang Mary Jo Buttafuoco’s doorbell and shot her in the face. It turned out that Joey Buttafuoco, Mary Jo’s husband, was having an affair with the high school student. The case turned into a long-running media circus.
Many years after the incident, Mary Jo realized what the problem was. This August, Mary Jo is telling her story for the first time, and she comes out and says that her ex-husband is a sociopath. The book is called, Getting It Through My Thick Skull—Why I stayed, what I learned, and what millions of people involved with sociopaths need to know. When released, it will be available in the Lovefraud Store.
Talking about sociopaths
The publication of these two books gives me hope that awareness may be growing about the problem of sociopaths. Finally, it seems that the gatekeepers of popular culture are starting to get the idea that sociopaths are not all deranged serial killers. People seem to be becoming less afraid of uttering the word “sociopath” in public.
This is good. More discussion of the personality disorder should lead to more understanding. I hope it continues, so that when the uninitiated—those people lucky enough to have avoided close encounters with a sociopath—start seeing the red flags of predatory behavior, they’ll remember what they read, recognize the warning signs and escape before too much damage is done.
written by Donna Andersen • Permalink •
Donna Andersen says:
Thanks for the book review Tood!
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OxDrover says:
Tood, that was a great review of Steel’s work and also the “romance novels” (or as my friend calls them “lust and smut” books! LOL)
What few of this kind of book I have read always seem to me that the heroine is recued from the “bad guy” and falls immediately into the arms of “prince charming” who loved ehr all along adn “rescues” her and they live happily ever after! Which of course we know is FANTASY! LOL But the fantasy is what sells these books by teh ba-zillions! and why Steel is I am sure quite wealthy as well as a household name! Doesn’t sound like her wealth and fame have done much for her private life though (can’t remember who posted a mini-bio on her!).
Thanks again, some good insight (as usual) with you Tood! (((hugs))))
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Tilly says:
(((hugs))) xoxox (Oxy)
Whatdoyureckon?
witness protection programme.
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Tilly says:
Clouds and rain and thunder,
well is it paranoia or just being smart ? I don’t think Rosa would do it. I have never done it and told you why.
But i think Oxy would do it. Just on principle.
Matt probably doesn’t believe it works…like me.
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OxDrover says:
Dear Tilly,
I am not sure what you know or how “bad” it is, or how much you can “prove” or what your authorities would do.
The “witness security” (Federal) here in US takes in and places mostly x-criminals who have testified about other criminals and gives them a “new idenity”—however, I have read (a book by the man who started the program) where they were very lax in doing this and some witnesses have been murdered as a result. A man named Barry Seal is one such person who was murdered while in “wit Sec” (also called witness protection in US) and I have also read about the wife of a small time hood who went into witness protection and they treated her HORRIBLY. She was not a criminal herself at all, but was treated worse than the real criminals they protect.
I;m afraid I don’t much trust “we’re the government, and we’re here to help you.” Call me a cynic.
Sometimes though, if you have knowledge of a crime, you might be in danger because the criminal knows you know and doesn’t trust you to keep your mouth shut so they will hunt you down and kill you to keep you from talking. So it is a damned if you do, and damned if you don’t, situation where it probably is better to gio to the cops first and maybe they WILL help you if you do have evidence they need.
sometimes your WORD alone is not enough “evidence” for a conviction and going to them only alerts the criminal tha tyou HAVE RUN YOUR MOUTH. So each situation is probably unique and should be assessed on the basis of what the facts and risks are.
I just read a story from a poster on another blog (which has been verified) about him advertizing for a room mate and getting a wanted and very violent psychopathic jewel thief as a room mate. He ended up having to testify after this man was caught, but the thief’s BROTHER is still out there and knows who testified against his brother…..so the guy lives in a bit of fear from the brother who has NOT been caught yet.
I knew of two murders (for sure) my sperm donor committed and he knew I knew, but I had nothing tangible to prove it. Just my word.
There probably wasn’t enough evidence that could have convicted him. Both took place outside of US too so that was another problem. I didn’t even bother going to the police. It would have been futile.
I wish we had some of your “clouds and rain and thunder” because it is unusually HOT here and HUMID as well, feels like coastal South florida instead of the Ozark hills of Central Arkansas. My clothes hung outside yesterday on the clothes liine to dry didn’t dry much at all. I am hoping the do today! If not will have to rewash them and dry in electric dryer (which of course heats the house up!)
Tilly, I try to do things “on principle” but at the same time, I am not going to throw myself out the window of a tall building on “princlple” or throw myself in front of a bus with the psychopath driving the bus! I am putting myself FIRST and taking care of my needs above all else. I suggest thatyou do as well. ((((hugs)))))
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Tilly says:
The people my ex husband and his friends killed were witnesses to a court case. He killed them as a favour because they went to the police and gave his friends up for murder. After they found out there was a contract on them they then backed down and withdrew their statements. Too late!
They were killed anyway on principle because they had already been to the police.
I, more than anyone, have NO faith in the justice system.
Or it so called “witness protection”. Its all just a matter of time.
Prison walls are covered in writings like, “you will get yours in due course”. And they do.
i have kept my mouth shut for 25 years. Providing only enough info to to keep myself safe.
Isn’t it amazing what “no contact” will do to a blood – psychopath (my daughter)?. She can hide behind Daddy’s coats all the way to my so called demise.
Don’t worry Oxy, I know they( my ex husband and his psychopath friends) will try to prove I’m insane, try to make out I was part of it and definitely try to have me killed in an “accident” or a “suicide”. Or like they did to the other witnessess , force them to write notes and have them go missing forever.
All this needs to be said on the site so others know. Yesterday i was terrified because i was approached by detectives that i didn’t believe were detectives and i thought maybe they got their inf from here.
Well, if they did get it from here…FANF#KNTASTIC!! Then it has served its purpose well and truly.
And if they got it from my P daughter. nothing LESS was to be expected aye ROSA??
Dylan Thomas’s poem comes to mind…” RAGE RAGE AGAINST THE darkness of the Night!”
My younger son and I are closer than ever and he stands with me strong and courageous in this war with evil.
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Tilly says:
This is my favourite poem in the world by Dylan thomas:
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light
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Tood says:
Donna and Oxy,
Glad to do it (the review). I wish I could post more, but post-P life keeps me too busy to participate here as much as I’d like. With a large family and so much damage to repair, some days it’s all I can just to log on and read, sending a silent “Towanda” to all you terrific people.
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Tilly says:
I am standing up and raging against the death of the good, of the light of life and all that is bright in God. I will NOT go gentle into death, I will rage, rage against the murder of innocent people at the hands of psychopaths. Rage, rage against the heartless, cruel empty skins that do their best to destroy us. I pray that you do not lie down and wimp away into your death, but rage, rage against the dying of the light.
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PInow says:
I am raging with you, Tilly. Get some support, where ever you are. You go girl~~ Open, and speak the truth to all when the time is right. Everyone cannot be a P. there will be people who will NOT shy away. Oh, and please be careful!?
I AM pressing Criminal charges. It took me 3 hours and a bad night sleep. With criminal charges in tow, the ass is going to get his true diagnosis: Antisocial Personality Disorder.
I shall die standing. Now or later, I will always protect my young. Good luck to you, Tilly. wish you safety.
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OxDrover says:
Dear Tilly,
That is also one of my favorite poems!
I wasn’t able to prove my sperm donor killed (at least) those two men because both of them “vanished” without a trace, AND neither of them “vanished” in the US. So sometimes there is no way to “prove” anything….that can be prosecuted.
There was one living witness to one of the murders, but again, it would have been a “he said, he said” thing and did NOT take place on US soil but actually over the ocean in an airplane.
I have RAGED much of my life, but at this time, I am not raging about things I cannot do anything about, but accepting that there are some things I cannot change—like in the serenity prayer, “God grant me the wisdom to accept the things I cannot change.”
Maybe you CAN change something and I hope that you can change the “freedom” of your X into “incarceration” but don’t count on the “witness protection” from your government, especially after the case is won/lost.
I read a book years ago called “Louie’s Wife” I think the name of it was, and it was about a totally innocent wife of a mob hit man and she was the crucial piece of testimony to put a bunch of mobsters behind bars. AFter the case was over, this woman and her children were dumped by the gov’t essentially homeless and broke. So much for our government’s response to her risking her life and the lives of her kids.
Barry Seal a crook that was a squeeler to the cops on some big drug deals and was supposed to be protected, was put in an OPENLY known “half way house” where the Colombian drug lords could find and kill him, and guess what, they found him and killed him. Not that Seal was a “good guy” but the gov’t had promised to protect him, and they didn’t.
There are others, like Max Mermistein, who brought in 20 million dollars worth of drugs (by his and the gov’t admission) who was allowed to keep his drug profits after he testified for the feds, and he WAS protected….go figure….doesn’t make any sense to me. Yet the gov’t will “put away for 50 years” some kid who sells two rocks of crack on a street corner as a “big drug pusher.”
Just be careful, Tilly, I wish I had a “solution” for you but only you can decide what is best for you by your knowledge of what is happening there. sometimes I think the cops are worse than the crooks, it does seem that so many are actually Ps that I am cautious about trusting them as well. I was fortunate that our local sheriff believed me and verified that what I was saying about the Trojan Horse Psychopath living with my mother was true.
(((hugs)))) and my prayers for your safety, Tilly.
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Rosa says:
Tilly:
I stand with you in your rage against death of the good.
I pray that God will keep you safe, and give you the strength (and vengeance) you need to defeat all evil-doers.
There is an analogy on this site that I really like (I think it is either Erin B.’s or Matt’s) about being a snake when dealing with the P’s.
It goes something like this. You should lay dormant in the grass for a while, and just let everyone pass by, building up your venom. Then, when the time is right, and you are ready, you bite!! And bite HARD, with all of your deadliest venom!!! And then you slither quietly back under the rocks, where you will blend in easily and no one will see you. Do you see what I mean? I hope so. Take care, Tilly.
Happy Independence Day!!! (Does Australia celebrate Independence Day???)
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OxDrover says:
I have noticed lately that several “serial killer” and ” who-dun-it” books as well as some “true crime” are written by FORENSIC PSYCHOLOGISTS. I just picked up one the other day at a used book store that looked kind of interesting and noted in the back in the “about the author” secttion that it also was written by a forensic psychologist!
The description of the psychopath was one of a “successful” higher level one similar to a Ted Bundy, but was quite good.
What does “disturb” me in most of these books though is that the emphasis is on the “serial killer” psychopaths when I think that type of psychopath is probably not 1% or even 0.1% of the psychopaths! Of course that kind of psychopath is the most “news worthy” and I guess sells more books than the more mundane guy who simply steals a woman’s money and cheats on her and moves on to another victim, so I guess from a “let’s sell books” aspect that would be the best choice.
However, though, I think it does make the term psychopath seem the same as “serial killer” rather than a “snake in a suit.”
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ErinBrockovich says:
OXY:
I agree….and it doesn’t do justice for folks like us to have the public perception of P’s as ‘only’ serial killers.
It makes it harder for us to be heard/understood our journeys.
It’s the same with the term ‘domestic voilence’…..it doesn’t explain ‘what it is’…..perception is it’s just that you get ‘beat up’; and land up in the ER needing stitches and give some excuse like I ‘ran into a door’…..
Domestic V doesn’t address the emotional pain….emotions are unseen on the outside, bruises are tangible to the public.
We, as a society, seem to want to see some sort of tangible evidence to make it ‘real’….
This is why it’s so hard to ‘convince’ people of our stories….unless they see the ‘bruising’ and witness some acts from the p’s/S’s that they must question themselves….it’s just not happening….
Ironic how people believe it when a death occurs…..even though there are a lot of folks that STILL have a hard time believing that their neighbor/boss/brother/son etc….was the ONE to commit these acts, find it shocking that Mr/Ms. good guy, personality plus, award winner…..did THIS? How could it be?
Media portrayl P’s/S’s as the Charles Mansons of the world…..and really…..how many ‘visual’ charles mansons are there in the world? People tend to shy away from a dirty, unkept person like this….they don’t invite a guy with a tatoo of a schwastika on their forehead over for Easter dinner.
Hey…..OJ, Scott Peterson, Darren Mack, Ted Bundy all have the same tatoo…….we just can’t “see” it.
It doesn’t help our case to relate all P’s with serial killers……some just don’t go THAT far….but it doesn’t negate the destruction they cause.
It’s very unfortunate…..but we can do our part with education.
I am applying for a position with my states cousiel against Domestic Violence……so I can hopefully represent persons in OUR position and educate the members from this perspective…..I guess at this piont, it’s all I can do…..
But…I do see the impact I have had from my ‘story’…sharing it with others…..some get it, some do not….but the reaction when they ‘get it’….is always….OMG…..I know someone like this…..this is the reward for me. Catapult them into awareness and self education.
I agree with your post.
Have a good one OXY, stay well girl!
XXOO
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OxDrover says:
GOOD FOR YOU Erin!!!
I think the education of the public and even education of the “professionals” is going to be a long, hard, difficult road and ultimately a one-at-a-time effort. We are bucking the media but I also notice that many professionals actually don’t get it about the “snake in a suit” since many times they have the Ted Bundays in the lab and don’t ever see the ones in the “wild” like we do. The ones in cages are like monkeys, they don’t act like the ones in the wild!
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ErinBrockovich says:
ROSA:
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.
We must always keep a reserve of ‘venom’ for any potential life saving strike we may need.
We should stay under that preverbial rock, curled up nicely and keeping warm and comfy…..waiting for the right time. Staying postured for protection.
This is different from ‘fetal position’. Fetal renderes us out of commision, unable to cope.
Snake strike, this is an analogy of patience. It takes great patience for us to allow them to pass a few times and not strike at the first passing.
We must be quiet, not give away our ‘secrets’ or game plans by our immediate reactions. (Yell/scream/cry etc..)
Also says something about ‘shaking it up’…..NOT doing what they expect, WHEN they expect it.
‘Calling on our inner sociopath’.
One thing I have learned is…..S’s know how to react to ‘reactions’….they provoke them……duhhhhh. BUT….when we do not react immediately, it throws them for a loop…..like….always keep em guessing. BUT WE ARE IN CONTROL.
We do not need to scream and shout……they expect this, they expect the immediate reactions to their acts…..AND THEY KNOW HOW TO REACT TO THIS, they have a plan for this…..this way is never effective, it creates battles we will never win. In fact they call in the trooops.
If they keep calling in the troops and there is no battle, pretty soon the troops will see they ‘cry wolfe’ and stop jumping….also very effective for us in our battle. When the troops leave, thats when we can strike covertly, from under the rock. Again, patience…..
I used to tell my S to ‘oh, just let it go’……he got to believe that nothing was worth dealing with for me, because he didn’t get reactions, he didn’t get to ‘see me sweat’.. BUT…..he was OH, so wrong…… I dealt with everything I needed to. Everything.
I would just curl up next to a nice warm rock and wait to strike…. While up agains my rock, I would take notes, pictures, video and document it all…….gather plenty of information…….then when the timing was right……sssssssssssssssssssssssss strriiiiiikkkke!
He never saw my reactions, because they were never immediate….but the effectiveness was 10 fold.
This reaction went so against my inate protection mode and took self control and patience…..but after I saw how effective it was…..it was the only way for me to go.
Afterall……when we strike to protect ourselves…..we want to be MORE than effective with the strike.
Stop, think, do not react……YET!
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
XXOO
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Jen2008 says:
Donna said: “The author was interviewed last week on Good Morning America. Although I’ve never read any of Danielle Steel’s books, I did like the fact that when she described sociopathic behavior in the interview, she got it right.”
Yes, if you’ve actually been with a sociopath/psychopath you will have already lived thru this type thing so the book won’t be a “learning about sociopaths” book for you. But based on my own experience with a sociopath (or more likely psychopath as I distinguish between the two) Danielle Steel got it SO RIGHT it was freakin amazing to me! She gets it….she really REALLY gets it!!!
I have read a few of Danielle’s books something like 15 years ago, but I do not read romance novels because they are usually too “formula romantic” for me. Of course this book has the mega money factor, a bit of glitz/glamor lifestyle your average person wouldn’t come anywhere close to having, BUT after all this is a commerical romance genre novel and it has to be saleable and people have to want to read it.
BUT the meat of the story and the everyday interactions and conversations and manipulations and button pushing and subjects he uses to push those buttons and the way this guy ACTS…………man oh man, NAILED!!!!
I just finished the book this morning. I admit the first close to one hundred pages I was getting impatient–just more of the same ol’ romantic novel type thang. Then from roughly about page 100 (or maybe a little past that) all I can say is:
This book is FREAKIN BRILLIANT! BRILLIANT BRILLIANT BRILLIANT!
I have read Dance with the Devil and a book by another psychopath victim (can’t recall the name at the moment but the husband was a serial rapist) and of course, lots of Ann Rule’s books about sociopaths, and then the non fiction staples on the subject.
But for reaching the masses and getting the word out about how sociopaths ACT in REAL LIFE situations, this commerical romance fiction (and romance novels comprise a HUGE % of the book market–something like 50% I believe– which means this book is gonna be read by a helluvalot of women) so closely resembles my experiences (minus all that mega money of course), my conversations (even the manipulation topics) of the sociopath that it was freakin mindblowing for me. Some of the conversations I had with my ex- P were very much along the exact same lines and topics–baby, my age, my being alone with nobody etc. and although the money topics were smaller scale of course, it was stillalong the same lines, the later veiled and not so veiled threats for harm –even some of the same type wording on some of this stuff–change a few words here and there—and so were some of the tactics the same as used by this socio in the book.
Some of the book (near the end of the relationship) may sound over the top or unbelievable to those who have been with a “milder” version, but the terrorizing and fear and the way she left and her reactions—all VERY real and believable to me.
IMO the real beauty of this book is it is in a format that people (just your average Joe people who want to pass the time reading on the beach or whatever) will actually buy and read and LEARN from if only on a sort of subliminal level with the seeds off the red flags being planted in their subconcious for future use the –subtle and not so subtle signs of the sociopath and how they operate and also victim reactions etc., and they will read and learn while being entertained, whereas a person is likely not going to pick up a copy of Without Conscience or Snakes in Suits or Women who Love Psychopaths unless they are interested in the field of psychology or have a “reason” to –like they’ve already been badly burned.
IMO the book covers ENORMOUS ground in explaining the sociopath. I can’t say ENOUGH GOOD THINGS about this book! KUDOS KUDOS KUDOS to Danielle Steele. I feel she has done a WONDERFUL public service by writing this book!
Jenn
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Jen2008 says:
I will add there is a good bit of “tell” rather than “show” in her writing of this book, which if she was not a famous and mega book selling author she probably would have never gotten away with, but IMO it is also the reason she gets so much info out on the sociopath (and she calls them what they are). Parts of the info could have been taken directly (with a little changing of words to make it more fitting into the fiction–well, actually I thought she cleverly came up with a way to get it all said in dialogue and make it work) right off some informational sites about socios and their traits and behavior.
She also touches on brainwashing, cognitive dissonance, and also the female sociopath. A person reading this book is gonna have a pretty good base knowledge of the socio traits.
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Hecates path says:
“Columbine” by Dave Cullen… was delivered to my mailbox today. I was just flipping through the pages as I settled in to read and was suurprised to find a very well written chapter on psychopathy. I should re-phrase that: I wasn’t surprised to see such a section in that book given that it is now more widely known that Eric Harris was a psychopath… I was just surprised to see the subject covered so well with references and anecdotes from Cleckley and Hare and very good interpretations/synopsis of key information. As I said I haven’t read the whole book yet, but it was (sadly) nice to see the subject is covered so well in the book.
Hopefully, given wide interest in understanding what happened at Columbine 10 years ago, and this being a well publicized book, more people in the general public/mainstream or professionals without such needed knowledge will get an introduction to the topic of psychopathy… and lucky them to get an intro from the safety of reading about vs. a personal encounter with a member of the psychopath club!
HP
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