Comments on: The philosophy of a sociopath http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/06/01/the-philosophy-of-a-sociopath/ Wake up to the danger of sociopaths Tue, 07 Feb 2012 06:52:30 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Joy http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/06/01/the-philosophy-of-a-sociopath/comment-page-4/#comment-38940 Joy Sun, 14 Jun 2009 14:42:45 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/06/01/the-philosophy-of-a-sociopath/#comment-38940 Gemini and blueskies, I have followed your exchange and it seems that at the heart we were all programmed in some way by our families to be vulnerable to these types. I would say that it is the rare exception that a "healthy" person falls prey. They seems to know our kind and fish for us. Once found, they bait, hook, reel us in, then gut us and eat us for dinner. Or so it feels to me. No contact is the key. The only honest answer and yet a difficult one, too. Good luck to you both as you peel those onions, and I will be peeling mine. It is much harder with family to disengage so stay strong. Gemini and blueskies, I have followed your exchange and it seems that at the heart we were all programmed in some way by our families to be vulnerable to these types. I would say that it is the rare exception that a “healthy” person falls prey. They seems to know our kind and fish for us. Once found, they bait, hook, reel us in, then gut us and eat us for dinner. Or so it feels to me. No contact is the key. The only honest answer and yet a difficult one, too. Good luck to you both as you peel those onions, and I will be peeling mine. It is much harder with family to disengage so stay strong.

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]]> By: blueskies http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/06/01/the-philosophy-of-a-sociopath/comment-page-4/#comment-38937 blueskies Sun, 14 Jun 2009 12:05:59 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/06/01/the-philosophy-of-a-sociopath/#comment-38937 For example; my older sister just had her first child,( I have two who my sister has shown ZERO interest in over the years. My father died suddenly (choked) two months after my second was born, my relationship with the father broke down and I was COMPLETELY alone,extremely vulnerable. At the time the sister, instead of helping or supporting, did her best to further isolate me ostracize me, using my 'low' as an excuse to 'step' on me.) Now this lovely new person has arrived, I am happy for her, but I have been denied access, am not 'allowed' to see the babe, my children are not invited to meet their new cousin. My mother (who had her first child taken into care and then made out like she never existed) is 'acting' like the devoted grandmother but calling me every 5 minutes to tell me how 'badly' my sister is coping with the baby, asking for advice ... Its NUTS! before this experience with the s/p I would have been upset, hurt, confused, taken this weird control thing personally, wondered what I did wrong, how they could be so cruel, tried to help, given advice to my mother for helping my sister... but now I just see them as this tornado of drama and control that if I even TOUCH will drag me into a place that is completely crazy-making. It has been their game for years. I have been in a constant rinse and spin cycle, used as the fall guy in their dramas and nonsense... BUT not any more. I cannot divorce my family, or go literally no contact right now at least, but I am emotionally no contact with any of this kind of BS. 'Good' girl blueskies or 'Bad' girl blueskies (it depends on the weather with them I think), its all the same to me: NOTHING... I am captain of my own ship and I sail it in peace and my own sunshine....Thank you creepazoid:) For example; my older sister just had her first child,( I have two who my sister has shown ZERO interest in over the years. My father died suddenly (choked) two months after my second was born, my relationship with the father broke down and I was COMPLETELY alone,extremely vulnerable. At the time the sister, instead of helping or supporting, did her best to further isolate me ostracize me, using my ‘low’ as an excuse to ‘step’ on me.) Now this lovely new person has arrived, I am happy for her, but I have been denied access, am not ‘allowed’ to see the babe, my children are not invited to meet their new cousin. My mother (who had her first child taken into care and then made out like she never existed) is ‘acting’ like the devoted grandmother but calling me every 5 minutes to tell me how ‘badly’ my sister is coping with the baby, asking for advice … Its NUTS! before this experience with the s/p I would have been upset, hurt, confused, taken this weird control thing personally, wondered what I did wrong, how they could be so cruel, tried to help, given advice to my mother for helping my sister… but now I just see them as this tornado of drama and control that if I even TOUCH will drag me into a place that is completely crazy-making. It has been their game for years. I have been in a constant rinse and spin cycle, used as the fall guy in their dramas and nonsense… BUT not any more. I cannot divorce my family, or go literally no contact right now at least, but I am emotionally no contact with any of this kind of BS. ‘Good’ girl blueskies or ‘Bad’ girl blueskies (it depends on the weather with them I think), its all the same to me: NOTHING… I am captain of my own ship and I sail it in peace and my own sunshine….Thank you creepazoid:)

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]]> By: blueskies http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/06/01/the-philosophy-of-a-sociopath/comment-page-4/#comment-38936 blueskies Sun, 14 Jun 2009 11:10:15 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/06/01/the-philosophy-of-a-sociopath/#comment-38936 oops - I just posted over you:) THANKS MIA!:)xx oops – I just posted over you:) THANKS MIA!:)xx

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]]> By: blueskies http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/06/01/the-philosophy-of-a-sociopath/comment-page-4/#comment-38935 blueskies Sun, 14 Jun 2009 11:09:08 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/06/01/the-philosophy-of-a-sociopath/#comment-38935 I just wanted to add that this is not about 'blaming' others for my misfortune... I cant quite describe things properly...that is a mentality I am not comfortable with...but really trying things for what they are... what they REALLY were... and understanding how I have behaved or reacted to them in the past... understanding why that was, forgiving myself... becoming the captain of my own ship:)x I just wanted to add that this is not about ‘blaming’ others for my misfortune… I cant quite describe things properly…that is a mentality I am not comfortable with…but really trying things for what they are… what they REALLY were… and understanding how I have behaved or reacted to them in the past… understanding why that was, forgiving myself… becoming the captain of my own ship:)x

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]]> By: geminigirl http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/06/01/the-philosophy-of-a-sociopath/comment-page-4/#comment-38934 geminigirl Sun, 14 Jun 2009 11:04:12 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/06/01/the-philosophy-of-a-sociopath/#comment-38934 Thank you so much, darling girl! Love you! Maia. {geminigirl] I think my Mother was toxic too, I adored her, but she was very manipulative. I think she actually prevented me from getting to know my dad, as he was HER dad figure.I also think she damaged my brothers,as she was always comparing them, {ie, Billy was the aristocrat, Robert was the peasant.} Rob was a very sensitive little boy, and I think she screwed up both my brothers, big time.Love, Maia. Thank you so much, darling girl! Love you! Maia. {geminigirl]
I think my Mother was toxic too, I adored her, but she was very manipulative. I think she actually prevented me from getting to know my dad, as he was HER dad figure.I also think she damaged my brothers,as she was always comparing them, {ie, Billy was the aristocrat, Robert was the peasant.} Rob was a very sensitive little boy, and I think she screwed up both my brothers, big time.Love, Maia.

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]]> By: blueskies http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/06/01/the-philosophy-of-a-sociopath/comment-page-4/#comment-38933 blueskies Sun, 14 Jun 2009 10:50:39 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/06/01/the-philosophy-of-a-sociopath/#comment-38933 You are right - we have to be our own best friends and validators in this, even well meaning friends who care cannot really understand the damage, unless they've been through it. :) With me it was an imaginary future husband (I am giggling at myself as I write that- a good sign surely!) who turned out to be a disgusting sleezy liar sexual predator dangerous mind f***king creepazoid with delusions of grandeur, who nearly destroyed me - but in the process helped(hmmm not sure that is really the word to use...) me to finally understand that my Narcissistic physically and mentally abusive Mother, father and sister have been moulding me into a good little co-dependant victim since the day I was born and I was just ripe for the picking! I have spent my life being shaped into an all you can eat sociopath's buffet by the people who were supposed to love and care for me. It's a BIG onion!;)xx I am so glad you have found my feedback helpful:) made my day:)xxx You are right – we have to be our own best friends and validators in this, even well meaning friends who care cannot really understand the damage, unless they’ve been through it.

:) With me it was an imaginary future husband (I am giggling at myself as I write that- a good sign surely!) who turned out to be a disgusting sleezy liar sexual predator dangerous mind f***king creepazoid with delusions of grandeur, who nearly destroyed me – but in the process helped(hmmm not sure that is really the word to use…) me to finally understand that my Narcissistic physically and mentally abusive Mother, father and sister have been moulding me into a good little co-dependant victim since the day I was born and I was just ripe for the picking! I have spent my life being shaped into an all you can eat sociopath’s buffet by the people who were supposed to love and care for me. It’s a BIG onion!;)xx I am so glad you have found my feedback helpful:) made my day:)xxx

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]]> By: geminigirl http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/06/01/the-philosophy-of-a-sociopath/comment-page-4/#comment-38932 geminigirl Sun, 14 Jun 2009 10:11:26 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/06/01/the-philosophy-of-a-sociopath/#comment-38932 Also. its a bit like peeling layers off an onion,each layer of pain reveals another. Must be a huge onion! I guess it takes as long as it takes and I must trust the process, and trust God. Also. its a bit like peeling layers off an onion,each layer of pain reveals another. Must be a huge onion! I guess it takes as long as it takes and I must trust the process, and trust God.

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]]> By: geminigirl http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/06/01/the-philosophy-of-a-sociopath/comment-page-4/#comment-38931 geminigirl Sun, 14 Jun 2009 10:09:11 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/06/01/the-philosophy-of-a-sociopath/#comment-38931 Thank you so much, "Blueskies!I really appreciate your feed back! No one really understands, do they unless theyve been there? And there are so few people we can unburden ourselves to, or even want to. No-one else would believe us, anyway! This website is so great, filled with wonderful courageous ladies,{and maybe a few guys too!}Like you, Im determined now never to go back to the person I was, I am worth so much more than that.I grieve for my lost children, but they are GONE and wont be coming back! Was it a husband with you, or your kids? neither of my 2 brothers talk to me now, either. They both live in England, and are such chauvinists, especially Robert, who is now 68. he actually told me off for crying at my Mums funeral! I flew out from Australia to see her, and she died while I was on the plane. Actually its them I feel sorry for, thy are so screwed up.Ive tried to bury the hatchet with both of them, but neither has responded in17 years, so its their loss!Thanks again, take care of yourself! Much Love, Maia.{geminigirl} Thank you so much, “Blueskies!I really appreciate your feed back! No one really understands, do they unless theyve been there? And there are so few people we can unburden ourselves to, or even want to. No-one else would believe us, anyway! This website is so great, filled with wonderful courageous ladies,{and maybe a few guys too!}Like you, Im determined now never to go back to the person I was, I am worth so much more than that.I grieve for my lost children, but they are GONE and wont be coming back! Was it a husband with you, or your kids? neither of my 2 brothers talk to me now, either. They both live in England, and are such chauvinists, especially Robert, who is now 68. he actually told me off for crying at my Mums funeral! I flew out from Australia to see her, and she died while I was on the plane.
Actually its them I feel sorry for, thy are so screwed up.Ive tried to bury the hatchet with both of them, but neither has responded in17 years, so its their loss!Thanks again, take care of yourself! Much Love, Maia.{geminigirl}

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]]> By: blueskies http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/06/01/the-philosophy-of-a-sociopath/comment-page-4/#comment-38930 blueskies Sun, 14 Jun 2009 09:28:26 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/06/01/the-philosophy-of-a-sociopath/#comment-38930 Gemini - I am sure Oxy will be here soon to give you her wonderful advice, but I just wanted to say that I relate to what you describe here - the things that have surfaced for me go way beyond this recent encounter with the S/P - I have 'woken up' to myself and all of the negative and abusive people I have had in my life including parents and siblings its a lot to work on. I tell you, the layers and layers of things coming up seem to be unending- clear one and it reveals another. but it is long over due. (Someone on here once used the term internal/emotional weeding, love that analogy - its a big job when the gardens been neglected for so long) Making positive steps for myself has had a knock on effect in EVERY aspect of my life... MY life... there is a lot I simply CANNOT and will not put up with anymore ... i know this is all very good for me, and my life can only change for the better with this process...but it IS a painful and exhausting METAMORPHOSIS with what seems to be a sliding deadline for completion:) being gentle and kind to yourself is more important and less 'fluffy' than it sounds... I have held my own hand when I have been scared and alone, hugged and loved and forgiven myself, allowed myself to take as long as I need, do things that are good for me ect. It REALLY works. Try not to beat yourself up.You sound amazing. you are a survivor. you a brave woman who is now FREE,. free to begin to build the life she wants for herself and deserves. I get a LOT of strength here on my bad days... xxxx Gemini – I am sure Oxy will be here soon to give you her wonderful advice, but I just wanted to say that I relate to what you describe here – the things that have surfaced for me go way beyond this recent encounter with the S/P – I have ‘woken up’ to myself and all of the negative and abusive people I have had in my life including parents and siblings its a lot to work on. I tell you, the layers and layers of things coming up seem to be unending- clear one and it reveals another. but it is long over due.

(Someone on here once used the term internal/emotional weeding, love that analogy – its a big job when the gardens been neglected for so long)

Making positive steps for myself has had a knock on effect in EVERY aspect of my life… MY life… there is a lot I simply CANNOT and will not put up with anymore … i know this is all very good for me, and my life can only change for the better with this process…but it IS a painful and exhausting METAMORPHOSIS with what seems to be a sliding deadline for completion:)

being gentle and kind to yourself is more important and less ‘fluffy’ than it sounds… I have held my own hand when I have been scared and alone, hugged and loved and forgiven myself, allowed myself to take as long as I need, do things that are good for me ect. It REALLY works.

Try not to beat yourself up.You sound amazing. you are a survivor. you a brave woman who is now FREE,. free to begin to build the life she wants for herself and deserves.

I get a LOT of strength here on my bad days… xxxx

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]]> By: geminigirl http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/06/01/the-philosophy-of-a-sociopath/comment-page-4/#comment-38926 geminigirl Sun, 14 Jun 2009 06:44:57 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/06/01/the-philosophy-of-a-sociopath/#comment-38926 Oxy. I have another question. is it normal to feel worse than usual when you start to make positive, life affirming choices for yourself? It seems as if a lot of very painful, "frozen' memories that Id blocked out, are starting to resurface, even in dreams. They are coming in thick and fast, faster than I can attempt to process them, along with the same old side effects, thumping heart, dry mouth,fear,sadness, false guilt, false shame. At least I now know they are false and musnt second guess myself. Then anger rises in my throat to the point where I feel its choking me. Anger at myself , mainly,for putting up with this sh-t for so long. I have to remember to be kind to myself, and remember I was so scared, cowed and beaten down that its a wonder I pulled this courage out of my guts, and left my ex. {I was also leaving my girls, Id also been beaten by deb, and shed trashed my art studio twice and wrecked my home after a drunken party}.Ive had to swallow down all this anger and rage for so long, just to get to see debs three precious kids.She has used them like a bargaining chip since they were born.I guess all this will pass if I give myself time, and NO CONTACT Oxy. I have another question. is it normal to feel worse than usual when you start to make positive, life affirming choices for yourself? It seems as if a lot of very painful, “frozen’ memories that Id blocked out, are starting to resurface, even in dreams. They are coming in thick and fast, faster than I can attempt to process them, along with the same old side effects, thumping heart, dry mouth,fear,sadness, false guilt, false shame. At least I now know they are false and musnt second guess myself. Then anger rises in my throat to the point where I feel its choking me. Anger at myself , mainly,for putting up with this sh-t for so long. I have to remember to be kind to myself, and remember I was so scared, cowed and beaten down that its a wonder I pulled this courage out of my guts, and left my ex. {I was also leaving my girls, Id also been beaten by deb, and shed trashed my art studio twice and wrecked my home after a drunken party}.Ive had to swallow down all this anger and rage for so long, just to get to see debs three precious kids.She has used them like a bargaining chip since they were born.I guess all this will pass if I give myself time, and NO CONTACT

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