Lovefraud Blog » Blog Archive » How parasites—like ticks and psychopaths

How parasites—like ticks and psychopaths—work

Wednesday, 27 May 2009 @ 5:40am • My Weblog

By Ox Drover

As an advanced practice nurse, one of the things I did here in the rural area where parasites are common was warn people about the many diseases, several of them potentially fatal, caused by a common parasite, the tick.

Here on LoveFraud we often refer to psychopaths as “parasites” because, like a common blood-sucking tick, they feed off of a host, without giving any benefit to the host, or giving any more thought to the damage they do to the host than a common tick does as he burrows into your flesh.

In the warmer months of the year, the tick searches for anything that is warm and moves and can actually leap small distances to latch on to the host. They like to burrow into the skin in a “tight spot,” like under your waistband or some other hidden area. Frequently, too, they will actually group up in one spot on the host, and when you detach the biggest tick on top, you will find several other smaller ones hidden beneath who are also sucking blood from the same spot.

Parasites, just like the psychopath, take without giving. Sometimes the parasites actually do give you something, but it is usually in the form of some noxious, toxic and potentially fatal or debilitating disease. In the case of ticks, one of the more common diseases they pass on is Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever, which is a disease caused not by their bite, but by an infectious agent in their feces which can actually pass through intact skin. A few days after the tick has either dropped off voluntarily, sated with the host’s blood, or been pulled off, frequently leaving behind both feces and mouth parts imbedded in the skin, the host will start to feel ill and run a fever. People with RMSF usually break out in a rash that resembles measles. Frequently the host doesn’t even realize what has happened, and may not actually remember being bitten by a tick. With prompt treatment, 93 percent of the victims will live, but without treatment, as many as 20 percent of the victims will die of either the disease itself or complications induced by the illness.

My bout with Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever

A couple of summers ago, I noticed that I wasn’t feeling well. It was during the worst of the fear and chaos of my experience with a multitude of psychopaths all at once, so I wasn’t thinking really clearly in any case. I attributed my “feeling bad” to the stress I was under for a couple of months until I became so weak I could not even climb a flight of stairs or stand up long enough to wash a small sink full of dishes by hand. I had noticed a tick bite, one that had been on me for at least 24, and probably 36 hours, before I noticed it and removed it.

When I became so ill that I literally was as “weak as a kitten” I finally decided to put a thermometer in my mouth and found I had a fever of 101 degrees, so I called my physician. He drew blood after I had reported to him the tick bite a couple of months before, and sure enough, I had Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever, though I had not broken out in the usual rash. I was so ill however, that my physician scheduled a battery of other tests and an appointment is a blood specialist and an infectious disease specialist. It took me almost a year to regain my strength and to start to feel better, but fortunately I ended up not having any lasting effects from the disease.

Remove the parasite promptly

Like ticks, psychopaths usually take a little time to not only suck your blood, but to transmit disease. If ticks are removed promptly, even if they have bitten you, there is little likelihood that they will infect you with something fatal. If they have time to deeply burrow into your skin, the longer they are there, the greater the likelihood that they will leave something behind that will cause problems for you. It may only be a painful, red, itching lesion that seems to drive you crazy with wanting to scratch to the bone, or it may be a disease that will land you in the ICU or the morgue, or cripple you with arthritis later on, like Lymes.

Not all diseases passed on to humans or other mammals by ticks and other parasites are as easily identifiable as RMSF. Some diseases that are potentially fatal have no reliable blood test to indicate that they are present. The person feels bad, but there is no objective symptom that can be identified either by the victim or the medical practitioner until great damage has occurred. These occult (unidentified) diseases may go undetected for months or years, doing their damage to the victim that is irreversible.

The psychopath and the tick

There is so much similarity between the psychopath and the tick, as well as other parasites. They burrow into our flesh and almost, in some cases, become part of us, while they suck our blood, and infect us with their toxic waste. They may not even appear to be so evil. “It’s just a bug bite, get over it,” our friends and family may say. Though we may become very ill from our even short association with these creatures, the illness may not be apparent to the naked eye like, say, a broken leg would be. We may struggle with the itch, the fever, the weakness, and the general debility left behind and not even realize that we have been infected with pathogens that can ruin or end our lives.

In addition to ticks attaching to us as we walk through grass or brush, ticks may also latch on to our pets or other family members, and thus gain entrance into our homes and lives by hitching a ride on our friends and pets. The tick may not even attack the pet or family member, but instead jump off on to our skin for his blood meal, using the intermediary only for transportation to get to us.

Look out for parasites

As I told the patients in my clinic, you need to be on the look out for ticks. If you or any member of your family, or pets, go anywhere in the summer time where there is grass, you should do a complete daily check for ticks, and carefully remove any that you find. Immediately wash the area and mark the date on the calendar, so that you can be on the look out for any sign of disease from even a short association with these creatures. If the symptoms of any kind of disease show up, seek medical attention immediately.

I think that same advice is useful for people who don’t live on a desert island alone, but live in the real world in which they may encounter psychopaths. I suggest that we all do a daily check of our lives to see if anyone we are dealing with even looks or acts at all like a parasite. If we see a parasite, quickly remove that parasite from our life. Wash all traces of them off of us. Then keep our eyes open for any covert damage that they have done to our life so that we can seek proper treatment as soon as possible.

Read two articles of LoveFraud, and call me in the morning!

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written by Donna Andersen • Permalink •

Jim in Indiana USA says:

“These occult (unidentified) diseases may go undetected for months or years, doing their damage to the victim that is irreversible.”-Oxy

LOL, Oxy does it again. Interesting term…”occult”…for the as yet unidentified diseases.

Can we get ticks to carry red flags, too, so we can spot ‘em more easily?

Oxy, glad you survived to pass on the wisdom. Live long, well, and prosper.

(Report abusive comment)

Wednesday, 27 May 2009 @ 6:13am

Tilly says:

Every time I get rid of one tick, a different variety jumps aboard. It doesn’t seem to matter what season it is, they turn up in the most unlikely places. My youngest son has a big bloodsucker on him that he won’t allow me pull out and its mother has also latched on. His therapist told him that I am in the wrong for continually pointing the tick out to him. My little dog got entirely consumed by a tick. I have so many scars from ticks that there is very little space on me where I haven’t been bitten. But worst of all my daughter, who was bitten by her parasite father has turned into a lifesize tick too! I am still recovering from multiple aches and pains left by various diseases from the faeces of the ticks.
I search daily to make sure there are none attached to me, then without exception when I least expect it..OUCH!! There it is.
I left the head in of the last one. I have tried metho, tweezers and the doctor, but every night I still see its head in my dreams. Help!

Wednesday, 27 May 2009 @ 6:27am

blueskies says:

Bravo Oxy!

JIM in indiana – i like your trekkie reference.lol. yes s/ps should have warning beacons(like they put on dangerous planets in Star Trek;)

Wednesday, 27 May 2009 @ 6:44am

OxDrover says:

Dear Dear Tilly,

Yes, my dear! I definitely know the feeling. When we were in South Africa years ago photographing wild life in the bush there were “Rhino ticks” that were the biggest things I had ever seen. almost the size of a dime, and green and speckled, they could suck through the inch-thick hide of the rhino. They would try to set down in the palm of your hand while you watched. They made me shudder as I squashed them.

Fortunately for us who have pets you can put a medication on their backs monthly that keep the ticks from sitting down and hainging on. they die. It doesn’t REPEL 100% but does kill those that sit down. We can do the same thing for our cattle as well. I wish there were something we can do for ourselves that would work for real ticks, AND for psychopaths, but so far, it is WATCH and REMOVE ASAP.

I have gotten a few on me this year, only one that really burrowed in deeply, and I think most have hooked rides on my little Jack Russell into the house, so I also spray him with a repellant to help decrease this.

WAtching someone else that you love with a huge blood-engorged tick hang off the end of their nose and watching them stumble around, unable to see the tick itself or how weak and debilitated that they have become from the continal blood loss and toxins injected into their system, is horrible. I spent almost 8 years watching my son C in that condition, and I know that you also have the same exact problem with your own son, who has that huge parasite attached to his life, along with the mother of all ticks as well.

The damaage is so OBVIOUS to us, but they can’t even see the darned tick on the end of their nose. I stumbled around for a full TWO MONTHS getting weaker and weaker, running fevers every night that felt like “menopausal hot flashes” and I didn’t even have the presence of mind to take my termperature for two months. I just kept asking people “is it hot in here to you” and they said “no, it is fine” so I ignored it.

It was only when I became so PHYSICALLY WEAK and debilitated that I sought help medically. the same thing applies, I think, many times to the HUMAN TICK, THE PSYCHOPATH, it is not until they have made us so weak we can’t function at all, that we will seek treatment or recognize that SOMETHING is making us VERY ILL.

Sometimes people have to be FLAT OF THEIR BACKS before they will look UP to God or others for help. Sometimes that is TOO LATE, unfortunately, as this week’s articles have shown so clearly with Kelsi’s murder. Sometimes people wait TOO long for help. My son C almost waited too long, and I thank God every day that my X-DIL’s plot and attempt to kill him and make it look like “self defense” did not work.

Even after I had been infected by the tick and was feeling severe symptoms, BECAUSE OF MY CONFUSION and FEAR of my psychopathic-parasites, I overlooked the symptoms of my own impending illness and even possibly death if I had not been treated, and made “excuses” why I felt that way. “Stress, it must be the stress.”

I have NO doubt that the four potentially LIFE THREATENING INFECTIONS I had during the aftermath of my husband’s death and the P-attacks was as a result of the STRESS and PTSD wiping out my fairly good immune system and opening my body (as well as mind) to infections of opportunity that I would normally have resisted had I not been under such emotional stress.

I’ve studied the effects of extreme stress on the body and mind of humans and animals since my freshman year in college, and some how I seemed to think that I WAS IMMUNE from this biological FACT. DUH!?!!!! I am the POSTER CHILD (okay, poster OLD LADY) for THE EFFECTS OF EXTREME STRESS IN HUMANS. Put my picture under the text, I have physically aged 20 years in appearance, I have mid-section fat accumulation that I never had before, I get infections that go rampant in record time, my mind is slowed down in my thinking, I can’t remember crap, my sleep cycle is disturbed, I have obscessive thoughts, I have anxiety, hypervigilence, paranoia, inability to set priorities, focusing instead on minor unimportant details that don’t mean anything, while the house around me burns to the ground and I don’t have the presence of mind to call the fire department because I have a hang nail I keep focusing on.

Yep, I have “improved” over the last couple of years as I searched, read, processed and blogged here on LF, but I am NOT back to where I was before July 14, 2004 when my husband’s plane went down and I heard the awful “whoosh” of fire about 10 seconds after the crash sound. From the date of the crash until May 2007 I lived in continual crisis and chaos, with the ticks piling on, sucking blood with one “emergency” after another using up what energy and instinct for self preservation I had left after the crash.

I was totally unable to see the huge, blood engorged ticks hanging from my body and sucking my strength, my blood, and infecting me with their toxic wastes. It took a REAL TICK to finally bring me to the ground in September of 07, and make me get up and start to take care of MYSELF. To take care of my health and start me on a road toward healing.

It took a combination of that complete weakness and LoveFraud to make me start my recovery process, and my ability to regain my strength and start to heal both my body and my mind and soul.

I’ve still got some disabilities that I am not sure I will ever totally get rid of, but I also have some ABILITIES that I did not have before all this.

I not only watch for the insect parasites, but I also watch for the two-legged parasitic creatures that come into my life. I have a CAUTION that I didn’t have before, becauser I know it can happen to ME, not just to others.

I have also been given the wonderful gift of the return of my son C to my arms and heart, and the GIFT of seeing his recovery and healing. He too will never be the “same” as he was before because now he sees just how TOXIC these parasites can be, and is more able to distinguish them from the non-toxic two-legged “bugs” we see every day as we interact with people. My son D who works with teh Boy Scouts is able to educate both other counselors and campers to the dangers not only of the creepy crawly ticks in the woods, but the two-legged variety as well.

Hang in there, Tilly, it is a slow process and requires that we study hard and learn the lessons in the class, but I think you are making big progress toward recovery. (((hugs))))

Wednesday, 27 May 2009 @ 10:55am

James says:

Thank Ox Drover,

I often thought about parasites or the “bug” compared to our parasitic “human variety types“…

Our parasitic bugs are as close as your back yard. How many times our pet come back into the house bringing with it an uninvited guest. Pet owner’s are reminded by their vets annually that our hairy friends are at risk during the hot summer months.

Well it turns out that our “human variety” of this parasite is also as close as our back yards but we call it technology in short our computers. We pick them up on dating sites blog sites and other places we might feel “safe”. They come to us via facebook myspace and many other sites like these.

This human variety comes with many names or should I say screen names like; Singlefather06 searching4soulmate looking2meetperson4longterm and many more (these screen names are fiction) but they are in fact parasitic that hide their true nature and persona. Now I know that this is not the only places we may come into contact with them and that one can meet one on a train plane at church or some other general meeting place and activities . But like the tick it hides until the right moment to leap and/or jump on the host. This human variety also hides using the internet as perfect cover. It is harder for them in social gathering plus supply is more numerous on the net then what can be done in a social gathering. If anyone knows and/or spend any time on the net it’s all about numbers or “hits” as we call them. Again the internet offers the perfect caliginous for this purpose “numbers” or hits as we call them.

“If we see a parasite, quickly remove that parasite from our life. Wash all traces of them off of us. Then keep our eyes open for any covert damage that they have done to our life so that we can seek proper treatment as soon as possible.”

I believe this is something we should do whenever we come into contact with “strangers” or “new friends” albeit the internet or other places. Our human variety of a parasite also shows us it true self and we can understands like the tick what to look for. Members here at LoveFraud knows too well the many red flags which will aid us in spotting then removing the parasitic human variety type before a great deal of damage is already done….

Wednesday, 27 May 2009 @ 8:24pm

henry says:

I have too put my two cent’s in here. Two weeks ago I felt something painful on my back right between my shoulder blades, I thought maybe a mosquito bite, but I got the mirror and looked and sure nuff a tick. I tried to reach it with my hands, I twisted around like a pretzel and could not get to it. I thought about going to my son’s for help but I knew he would say “thats what ya get for sleeping with dogs’ kinda like my X – if you look for love under rocks you will always find scum? Oh well – needless to say I was helpless and all alone – hmmm – go figure – so I backed up to a tree and scrathed it off – let the head and the crap inside – but it festered for a while and finally healed – I will let ya know if I survived ‘the tick on my back’

Wednesday, 27 May 2009 @ 9:24pm

Rune says:

Hey Henry: Nice trick! Next time, though, you might try using a spatula. Seriously! It’s a down-home solution, and the flat blade of the spatula is more likely to scrape off the whole tick and not leave mouth parts.

The tick I had on my back sucked away my home and business. I’d say you got off lucky!

Wednesday, 27 May 2009 @ 9:36pm

I remember as a child when working on the farm or being outside all the time how I saw some animals covered with these “ticks”. I remember feeling so sorry for these dogs and cats. I wanted to pull them out but my father telling me how the heads will stay inside the animals and just pulling out the bodies wasn’t enough. How we had to make sure we “got all of it out”!

This is how I feel about the tick of the human kind. Just pulling them off of us isn’t enough we must make sure we get all of them out of us. This we do whenever we start to heal by learning and understanding our toxic relationship with them. Henry we has to make sure we get it all out and only by understanding and learning how too will we be able to do so..

PS: henry you survived your ex s/p and no doubt will survive this!

Wednesday, 27 May 2009 @ 9:43pm

Rune

“The tick I had on my back sucked away my home and business. I’d say you got off lucky!”

LOL!

Good one!

Wednesday, 27 May 2009 @ 9:46pm

Sorry for your loss Rune, they do leave scars that no one else can see. Those slimey little back biters, back stabbers. I know they are out there and I will always be watching my back from now on. I will carry a fly swat and a can of RAID the rest of my life.

Wednesday, 27 May 2009 @ 11:10pm

shabbychic2 says:

henry: I think last week you described P’s as parasites stuck on our ass, or something like that, anyway…. it cracked me up.

Wednesday, 27 May 2009 @ 11:18pm

yes I did – but it was Oxys original analogy – chiggers are just as bad – no they are worse – I have had them from my ankles up to my —-

Thursday, 28 May 2009 @ 12:22am

I just seem to attract parasite’s – Dear God please dont let my shame degenerate into self pity — amen

Thursday, 28 May 2009 @ 12:24am

I have to copy and paste that last entry into my journal!

Thursday, 28 May 2009 @ 1:19am

SoChic: I wasn’t kidding!

That’s the problem with metaphors and analogies — they can be oh-so-real!

Thursday, 28 May 2009 @ 1:32am

Thankyou again Oxy!!!
I owe you big time..(I know, by helping others..)
I agree with you that I am making big progress towards recovery (we all are). Do you think, from the little I have told you about my middle son, (the one that I never see or hear from hardly at all), do you think he is a cluster B?
I am ready to at least consider it after my “little breakthrough today in that arena”.
Love and thankyou so much for sharing from the heart and helping me SOOOOOO MUCH!
love Tilly.

Thursday, 28 May 2009 @ 2:15am

legendsleuth says:

Hello. This is my first comment though I have been reading the posts since January 2008. Thanks to all for sharing your experiences. As uncomfortable as it makes me feel – creepy crawley things – your comparison of sociopaths and parasites seems on the mark. Especially where there’s one, others may be lurking. I used to think that such people were solitary in their pursuits but have evolved my understanding after my own experiences and two years of reading everything I can find. Thanks again for your sharing and insight.

Thursday, 28 May 2009 @ 9:53am

Welcome legendsleuth…yeah, it’s a good place, isn’t it?

Tilly….”a real fair dinkum”…that’s good, right? I’ve borrowed some expressions from a virtual Aussie friend, with his permission…might use it with him, but don’t want to make a mistake….glad you’re here, Tilly!

Thursday, 28 May 2009 @ 10:11am

legendsleuth: I see we started reading LF at the same time! I have learned a lot from this website also. Hope to hear from you again real soon!

Thursday, 28 May 2009 @ 1:51pm

Hey Jim in Indiana USA,
“fair dinkum” means “honest to God, true, real, not lying about it, I would swear on the Bible, “, add a question mark and it means, “is that what REALLY happened? I can’t believe your telling me this! Are you LYING to me?, I can’t believe that!”….and lots lots more on that track!”
“bloody oath” means ” YES!” or “I am not lying, I never would lie about this, I am telling you the truth, that is so true, I agree with you 100%” etc.
Perfect language for you everyday aussie con man, “What d’yu reckon?” lol
I Gotta luv yu Jim! ( You were my first response on LF and it meant the WORLD to me as I was in melt down). THANKYOU!!!!!!

Thursday, 28 May 2009 @ 5:08pm

P.S. Tilly is short for Matilda and guess what ?
When the first settlers came to Australia they said to the Indigenous Aboriginal People, ” What is that hopping creature called?”
And the Indigenous People said, “kangaroo!”
Which means, “I don’t understand!”
Fair Dinkum Jim!

Thursday, 28 May 2009 @ 5:12pm

ThornBud says:

I am still newbee here and couldn’t find a topic about RED FLAGS, so will post it here.
Just to make all of u laugh, how stupid we could be to ignore them. After getting over for almost 99%, i am laughing when i remember this….
My N and me were in so deep love, “beyond this world” as he said. We were living in different places, and could afford a meeting once in 2-3-4 months, to spend a “heavenly” week together (on my expenses, of course, even for gasoline and food).
After 3 months i was about to travel, and he asked me to skip one meeting, and instead of it, to send him money to get new tyres for car OK…i did it…and we met after 5 months.
He asked me first night what would i like to do, and i said i would love to go to the beach, to watch the moon, stars, waves…
He drove to the Marina, opened the doors of car and said: Honey, gowatch the sky and stars, i am tired and will take a nap in car while u are watching them )))))))
I wish if i can go back in time and smash him with a great, big slap…but THAN, i felt sorry and guilt…he is tired and im asking him to drive me to the shore…

Thursday, 28 May 2009 @ 5:18pm

too bad we can’t post a picture here at LF. Ever look at a tick under a scope? They are ugly creatures!

Almost like my ex s/p did when she woke up in the morning!

Okay okay that wasn’t call for so I take it back….

Guess I just in one of my many moods today…

Thursday, 28 May 2009 @ 5:20pm

Ntmare says:

James says:
too bad we can’t post a picture here at LF. Ever look at a tick under a scope? They are ugly creatures!

LF is our scope,We can picture them all with 8 hairy legs and an ugly set of pincers if you like.

Thursday, 28 May 2009 @ 5:50pm

Not sure if this will work but let’s try, it’s a picture of a dog tick

http://i301.photobucket.com/al.....tnymph.jpg

Thursday, 28 May 2009 @ 6:07pm

OH joy it worked…

Computers can be fun…LOL

Thursday, 28 May 2009 @ 6:09pm

learnthelesson says:

Thornbud…

What in the world is it about S/P/N’s AND TIRES, OR AUTO PARTS OR INSPECTION NEEDED AND CANT AFFORD!! LOL Your story is classic!!!!!!!! And oh how we see the Red Flags a wavin’ when we are out of it and look back!!!! I will never forget the time he TEXTED and said car broke down and was being towed. We texted back and forth until driver came..he gave me song and dance about not getting paid til following week…could he borrow like 500… He came over I layed it on the table counting 1, 2,3,4,and 5 and handed it to him saying I really need it back by next week I took it from savings..He said something totally unrelated maybe even wow Im starving…and I remember being in like slow motion with my hand still out and face looking at him WAITING FOR A MUCH APPRECIATED AND SIMPLE ” THANK YOU” – I carried on with conversation or offering something to eat all the while “FEELING OFF TO MY CORE” “FELT REALLY WEIRD HELPING SOMEONE FINANCIALLY LIKE THAT AND NOT EVEN BEING THANKED. And never ever ever any mention of ever returning the loans or trying to return them or wanting to. And I of course didnt bring it up because my self-respect and self-protection was off in la-la land… dont wanna upset the apple cart or something to that effect…always making sure he was ok and happy. Ugh I cringe for the person I was TO SOMEONE WHO WAS UNRECIPROCAL.

Red Flags are my new best friend. stop . change direction. Reciprocal Friendships/Relationships are what its about..

Thursday, 28 May 2009 @ 7:13pm

Done says:

Oxy- I love your brilliant post. I just had my first experience with actual ticks about a month ago visiting a friend. She had a little chihuahua covered in ticks, I spent two hours bathing him and picking out the heads. It was one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever done, but I had to save that poor little dog. (Hopefully I’ll stick to saving defenseless animals now instead of attempting to “save” my ex from himself.)

Anyhow, I never had realized just how disgusting and horrible ticks were before, and your analogy is so true. I got on today bc I’m having a rough time for some reason. I was trying to talk to my mom about my S, but I don’t know why I bother…I feel like she sees it as my own fault for letting him use me, which is true, but I can’t make her or anyone understand how it is to actually be involved with this person. I wish they would be less judgmental and realize that they could have been just as vulnerable as I was if they ever had a relationship with one of these creatures.

ANyway it went downhill from the mom-chat. I started feeling like noone understands. I don’t personally know a single person who understands what I’m going through, which can make a person feel very alone. I already AM alone in this city, where the only person I know aside from a few ppl I’ve met at work is my S.

I am having the first urges to contact him today since I got serious about no contact three weeks ago. I want tell him to ask me to come back so I can say no. I want to tell him what a total piece of parasite-excrement that he is. I want to tell him that I never really believed any of his BS from the beginning…and that I just thought maybe I could help him somehow. I want to inflict so much emotional pain on him, but there’s no way to do that since he doesn’t experience such a thing. I want to mail him back the ring he gave me, or hide it in his drink so he could choke on it. And I want this to just be a bad dream I can’t believe that someone I spent so much time giving to and loving could be such a lie. How can he just discard me after I spent years lending him money and driving him around and listening to his stories about how everyone is against him in his family or how he never got the chance to succeed. He always resented me bc my parents provided me an education and were there when I needed them. Perhaps if he hadn’t repeatedly screwed over everyone who ever tried to help him his parents would be there for him.

The worst is that when I end up feeling all alone I kind of miss his cruel negative perception of the world…he always knew the right things to say if I was angry with someone. What you want to hear…like “yeah they are a jerk!” not the kind of good advice a good person would give but the kind that makes you feel better in the moment. I remember him telling me right when we started dating that “noone really cares about anything but themselves.” I was so shocked, I dismissed it thinking he must not truly believe that. But of course he did, and why not bc he certainly only cared about himself. I’d try to give examples of other ppl caring for others, and he would always turn it around somehow to make it look like they were only doing for their own benefit. Something like, they just do it to make themselves feel better…therefore it’s in their own interest. He’d always say how no one could succeed w/o the help of their parents, (so he didn’t have to take responsibility for the miserable failure he is) and make me feel guilty bc my parents give a rats ass. And he didn’t believe in any of the rags to riches stories, that he was in the position hes in bc of choices that he made. He had no personal accountability. Also no shame, no consceince, no credit. Writing all these things down I don’t know how I can even miss him.

How is it possible that I am this total crying trainwreck over someone who is such a loser at everything! How could I let someone make me feel so horrible for such a long period of time? I dumped him, five years ago, and moved out of the state. I knew then if I was in the same place as him I’d never get out of this rut, but somehow, he weaseled his way back into my life. And now here I am back in the same or worse spot than I was five years ago. I’m so afraid. I’ve never even dated anyone but him really. I started seeing him when I was barely 19 and he was 30. (Should have been my first clue). I have effectively wastsed my 20s, and have no idea where to start with a normal person. This is the only “real” romanitic relationship I’ve ever had. What if I never find anyone normal, or scare them all away with all this baggage! How could a normal person every understand why I would have wasted all of this time with someone so lame and emotionally abusive?

Everytime in the past that I thought I’d got the whole tick, head and all out of my flesh, it’s reappeared, fatter than ever. I thought for sure that this was the last straw…that I finally removed the whole damn thing, and now I must have contracted the Rocky Mountain Fever because for some reason, instead of rejoicing that I’ve finally rid myself of this parasite, I’m wondering why I wasn’t desirable enough for it to stick around and suck my blood a little longer. Why aren’t my blood/tears good enough for him?

Ugh I don’t expect answers to any of this but I feel like I’m losing my mind today. I want to be done feeling like this. I want to be done missing him, done waking up to thoughts about him, done dreaming about him, done remembering him at all.

How long is this bite going to cause me pain?

Thursday, 28 May 2009 @ 7:54pm

Oh my arent we glad we are not the confused and confined people they are! I remember asking him to come watch the sun set with me, its going to be a beautiful one and he would say ‘ok sugarbooger as soon as I finsih this game of lotso’ and he would never come out . And I would watch the sunset and ask myself whats wrong with me that I like sunsets?—yes under a mycroscope they are ugly evil scary blood sucking angels that look so good on the surface – yeah I remember that too….somebody find a skillit, Henry’s feeling sad and needs to get laid…………..

Thursday, 28 May 2009 @ 8:01pm

Dear Done,

I think it was James who wrote the following…forgive me…I went back to the thread to find the link and am not certain if it was James post, but I think so.

“these people just don’t see other’s need as important and therefore won’t do what most people expect from them.

NPD interferes with people’s functioning in their occupations and in their relationships:

http://dslweb.nwnexus.com/jmas.....-iv.html...

It helps to start to understand any person can be with him and HE CANNOT BE TRULY CARING AND KIND AND REAL LONG TERM. HE IS FLAWED BEYOND REPAIR OR BEYOND CHOICE TO WANT TO CHANGEAND BELIEVES ONLY HIS VIEW. PLEASE KNOW ITS NOT THAT YOUR BLOOD AND TEARS ARENT GOOD ENOUGH, AND IT WASNT THAT YOU WERENT DESIRABLE ENOUGH….IT WAS THAT YOU WERE ALL OF THAT…UNTIL YOU DECIDED TO STICK UP FOR YOURSELF AND RESPECT YOURSELF…ONCE YOU BECOME ALL THAT YOU CAN BE…THEY CANT CONTINUE TO SUCK YOUR BLOOD DRY OR USE YOU…SO THEIR PATTERN CHANGES…THEY SCURRY AWAY, DIE OFF, HIDE, LOOK FOR ANOTHER HOST/VICTIM.

After we leave them and life gets tough and lonely, we realize they had us hooked onto to their toxic flow thru our system… our bodies start to go a few steps forward but long for the comfort of the same old same old…even if its negativity…its still attention and “Something going on in our lives whether exciting, challenging, frustrating, trying, or destructive…you are NORMAL and going through this process of understanding everything that happened.

You were with him because you were a caring loving giving empathetic being who was wanting the same thing in return…they give in the beginning only to not be able to function in a healthy relationship long term — that requires reciprocity and selflessness and healthy doses of eachother having self-respect, self-love and self-value…they cant do that and we begin to lose our own in an effort to keep them, keep the peace, keep going….

But NOW as you go through the pain and talk about it and share it and understand it, it will grow less and less and your will continue to grow leaps and bounds while he remains stagnant. Not sure if you are in your late twentys or early thirtys but both are an ideal time to find yourself again…there are others who out there who can relate to your story with their ex’s and you will grow and eventually not want to mention your relationship with him ..

Just remember this is not why werent you good enough…the thinking with these people in the aftermath is why are they so hollow? so self-centered? so clueless in life and with me and with others? Why do they lie and feel entitled?? Why do they use? Why are they so dysfunctional? At least now we know the red flags and signs and really know how we should be treated…

Time, more reading, more posting, more accepting that you are in the midway point of the process geting closer to all the things you want (to be done feeling this and done missing and done waking up to thoughts, etc….I PROMISE YOU IF YOU STICK TO YOUR SELF-EVERYTHING you will not let yourself down (the way he will if you opt to go back!) …keep going forward..it gets better…it took Oxy a year to get over Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever… its alot of self TLC, and reflecting and accepting he was a bad man for you in your life… you were taken advantage of and taken for granted…now you are protecting yourself and growing and learning from the experience. Im glad you are now in the recovery process…and so DONE with him…stay strong..life gets better!!!!

Thursday, 28 May 2009 @ 8:41pm

Thank you Learnthelesson for the above post.

Thursday, 28 May 2009 @ 9:02pm

Thank you LTL. I know I have to take the bad with the good days. I’d rather it be one bad day than a lifetime of days spent with him guessing which personality I’d be dealing with on that day…the nice logical version or the narcissistic pessimist that could make me question and blame myself about everything.

Your post reminded me of two conversations I had w my S. One, where he was telling me how much he’d seen me grow over the past few years, graduate from college, get a career, etc. But how he wanted me to be “Awesome,” by which he meant: be myself, be strong, don’t try to too hard to please anyone, etc. He said I was too good for him..blah blah blah…and told me to call him when I was ‘awesome’ and I told him, “If I was ‘awesome’, I wouldn’t be talking to your sorry a$$” He told me “I know, and that’s the rub” –to make me feel sorry for him probably…like i would leave him for someone else or something (all of this at the time seemed like just some joking and sarcasm).

The point of that story was that you said once i become all that i can be, they leave. That was his def. of awesome: me becoming all that i can be, and he saw it happening and scurried off to a new victim.

The second conversation I recalled was when he was telling me how he was going to break up with this woman he was seeing (before i moved back to his city) but he didn’t want to tell her I was coming back yet bc he was afraid she’d harm herself because she was “fragile” and “has a long history of being screwed over by men” (soon to be a longer history). Anyway I moved back and we were together and of course once he saw that I wasn’t going to support him financially anymore, he bailed. But not before making all kinds of promises, i think he made them just to break them. Just to dig the knife in a little deeper. He left me for this “fragile, victim.” In hindsight, he hardly even lied to me. He told me flat out that she was a better host/victim for him. I should have known right then that he knew he had almost sucked me dry and was preparing to hop onto her. He also fed me some line about not wanting her to know he was moving in because she would just get jealous and want him back, and it would be more difficult. Now it’s clear that he planned it that way, he was completely aware of what he was doing. The day he announced he wasn’t moving in with me (earlier the same day he told me he was packing) he told me that he was “in love with her still.” At the time I was thinking, how cruel and unnecessary for him to tell me that. But now, I can see that he doesn’t love her, or me, and that he probably tells her the same thing. He just wanted me to be hurt and jealous and beg for him to choose me, so he could continue to bleed me. I’m sure he told her he was in love with me, then she got needy and probably let him move in with her. ugh.

Now I just need to learn to hang onto that clarity, and I won’t miss him at all. But sometimes it seems to disappear and I start wondering if I’m the crazy one, or thinking maybe he isn’t an S, maybe that’s just a defense mechanism I’m using, but if he isn’t then that means he just doesn’t love me, and it just snowballs out of control from there.

I can take some comfort knowing that he must be completely shocked that I have not called or sent a single text since that night. I just told him I didn’t have any tears left for him and that was it. (one of the few times I’ve saved my dignity when it comes to him.) If I hadn’t found this site I’d probably have called him a million times trying to figure out how he could suddenly stop loving me.

Thanks so much for the support! I know when I come here I can at least cut those painful times short.

Thursday, 28 May 2009 @ 9:19pm

LTL

Also- Thanks for the link, I just checked it out and look forward to reading the whole thing. And, I’m going to print out your post and put it in my wallet for times I’m away from the computer and need some uplifting.

Thanks!

BTW I’ll be 29 in July.

Thursday, 28 May 2009 @ 9:28pm

Hecates path says:

Here I am breaking my promise not to post/reply, etc. until my grades are done, the school year is over, and I post my story… LOL. I’ll get back on the wagon in 5 minutes…

DONE, your post could’ve/would’ve been written by me many times over the last months when I tried desperately to figure out what was wrong with me vs. what was wrong with the S. LTL’s reply was so inspiring and true… I wish those words had been posted on my mirror last spring for a daily reminder!
Henry, your love of sunsets is very refreshing and I hope you will find that special (non-cluster B!) someone to share them with! In the mean time, your sunset reference reminded me of how Pony Boy in the book The Outsiders had a love of sunsets, which the author connected to Robert Frost’s poem “Nothing Gold Can Stay”

Nature’s first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf’s a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay

So many interpretations and meanings but always a good reminder of the power of rebirth and renewal… yes, we want to hold on to a beautiful flower but in accepting it’s loss, we are open to the possibility and joy of another blossom blooming forth in it’s own time.
Ok … putting my English teacher persona away so I can go grade more History tests…

Have a good night, all! And, thank you so much for the warm welcome to my first post last week…

Thursday, 28 May 2009 @ 9:35pm

Tilly (Matilda)-thanks for clearing up my “fair dinkum” question. And I loved the kangaroo story…ye ‘ave me bloody oath on that.

OH…do you “waltz”?

and….Thank You!

Jim

Thursday, 28 May 2009 @ 10:15pm

Henry/Done,

I feel like we all have been on such painful journies filled with insight and lessons.

The most important thing is to acknowledge you were a caring loving giving partner to your ex. In fact I think many of us were probably some of the best friends these people will ever have…

That being said I also had to acknowledge I had some flaws/weaknesses in the relationship (nothing compared to his – but still some that clearly added to the cycle of events)…I allowed my self-respect, self-trust and self-worth and self-love be manipulated and eventually tossed it out the window in order to do whatever it took to save the relationship…problem is it was an unhealthy relationship NOT WORTH SAVING AND NEVER ABLE TO FIX OR CHANGE.

So now what? Well unlike him who sees only one way or the highway… I see the possbility of change on the horizon..change for the better…change from within…to regain my sense of self-everything and be not only the person I was before I met him..but a whole heck of a lot wiser and prepared to deal with toxic people or just people who dont truly respect care love (themselves or others).

Once you recognize what the red flags are — you see it has very little to do with “love” …and that they never really stopped loving us – cuz they never really started to love us (other than thru a mask mimicking the emotions and motions until they just couldnt be who they arent capable of being long term — honest, faithful, empathetic, REAL. They are disordered and dysfunctional and unable to have HEALTHY long lasting relations. They can have relationships lasting for years (unhealthy ones tho, controlling ones, dysfunctional ones if they get paired with an insecure weak unprepared partner)…

We are breaking that cycle of ever happening in our lives again…simply by staying NO CONTACT and saying BECAUSE IM WORTHY OF GOODNESS AND BEING TREATED GOOD AND RECEIVING LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP THE WAY I SHARE MINE…IF ONLY FROM MYSELF TO MYSELF RIGHT NOW ITS A HECK OF ALOT BETTER THAN WHAT HE OFFERED ME!!

DONE, Im so amazed and proud of you that ever since you decided you were Done with him this time that you have not texted or contacted him. You are right, he is like WOW – She really read my number this time – and she can read me like a book now — I better stay away and find someone who is weak and insecure who I can suck the life out of them .

Make this part of the journey be about you…who you were before him…who you want to be…and who you know you truly are in there! Build yourself up….know that he brings you down…we have the choice that they forfeit….we can move on and learn and grow and become healthy and happy again…

they stay stagnant making bad choices and never truly connecting with others…just masking and pretending and making everyone think they are happy and good and are gods gift…. when really they know they are nothing on the inside but lost and lonely..ultimately because of their life choices . Ones we cant inspire or change in them…they chose to be who they are.

Done, hang in there. Think of your wonderful spirit and soul coming to life again simply because of you and being all that you are!! And HENRY you are as close as I am to the next phase of this journey!! xoxo

Hecates…. we def need to see more posts of yours! Im sorry I missed your first post…I will try to find it. Welcome, sorry you are a member of our team…but its a great healing place to be! And that poem, WOW…what a beautiful, timely poem… rebirth and renewal for the most precious gift in our lives…ourselves to share with ourselves and others…

Thursday, 28 May 2009 @ 10:34pm

Learn: You said, “Just remember this is not why werent you good enough…the thinking with these people in the aftermath is why are they so hollow? so self-centered? so clueless in life and with me and with others? Why do they lie and feel entitled?? Why do they use? Why are they so dysfunctional? At least now we know the red flags and signs and really know how we should be treated…

The answer is that their thinking is twisted in ways we can’t imagine. What we see on the outside — entitlement, self-centeredness, emotional vacuum, fabrications, manipulation — are all reflections of their distorted thinking on the inside.

If the professionals don’t have a solution for the severely disordered, why should we be so bold as to think that we can “fix them with love”?

We don’t need to waste our time in asking “why do they do this?” They do it because they have rigidified their thinking, or they were born and developed with altered brain physiology or chemistry, and they just don’t think like the rest of us.

Bribery, love, sex, kindness — nothing will shift their thought patterns if they are truly disordered.

So, back to us. We can figure out how we can insulate ourselves from giving their words and actions the credibility that will let them hurt us. And we can figure out how we can move on, as best we can, being in integrity with our caring selves.

Thursday, 28 May 2009 @ 10:53pm

Hey Rune….Boy, I have the worst way with expressing myself sometimes…what you are pointing out is what I was trying to express in the most round about way… lol

My way was meaning VS… the thinking that Done is doing…why isnt My blood and tears enough for him…why wasnt I desireable…why didnt he love me… What helped me was to change that to generalized thoughts (not really needing answers but it helped me to build up my strength by saying hey its now WHY ME, WHAT WRONG WITH ME…. Its

Why is he so self-centered. why is he such a cheater? Why does he lie? Why did he manipulate …etec….etc.. .OH YAH THATS RIGHT — HE IS DISORDERED …HE IS THE REASON THIS STORY ENDED… HE IS A LOSER AND ABUSER AND USER>>>

I didnt mean literally try to answer each question, I just meant thats the thoughts that helped me transition from the devasation and misconception that this was something I did or my fault or that I wasnt good enough or loved.

But yes Rune, Im right on board with you in my round about way!! Thanks

Thursday, 28 May 2009 @ 11:00pm

oops typo…build up my strength by saying hey its NOT Why me, whats wrong with with me…Its….

Thursday, 28 May 2009 @ 11:01pm

Done & Everyone: Hi, just throwing this idea out there… Done, you wrote: “How could a normal person every understand why I would have wasted all of this time with someone so lame and emotionally abusive?”… I don’t think I would really try to explain the whole thing to someone else… they wouldn’t “get it” anyway and why do we have to spill our guts to another love interest? Anyone have any thoughts about this?….. Thanks!

Thursday, 28 May 2009 @ 11:26pm

Yep…eventually we dont even want to talk about our ex…its embarrassing…and I have said I was involved in an unhealthy relationship in that we didnt have good communication or compatibility with some of lifes most basic and fundamental things…. I never trash talk him…I never bring him up on my own…if I am asked about my past relationship I am honest in the above way…but say Ive learned and grown from my experiences with others and ready to go forward on my own making new friends and acquaintences. LESS IS BEST RE: EXTOX TALK!!!!

Thursday, 28 May 2009 @ 11:32pm

SoChic: I use my experience as a way to educate others about sociopathy and psychopathy. I am careful who I speak with, and I don’t talk as if it’s a normal break-up gone horribly wrong. I have had some amazing experiences in conversation with people who have shared their own stories — things they never could have explained to anyone else, until I opened the door by speaking my truth.

One person told me that his aunt was murdered by her husband — who was laughing and joking with the guards at the trial. Mr. Charisma, he was. Until we spoke, he had no understanding at all about the nature of a psychopath. And he was studying psychology as his major in school.

Thursday, 28 May 2009 @ 11:36pm

Yes learn they are like a STD – sexually transmitted dysfunction. It is necessary to talk about it when you know you are affected. Necessary to learn and educate yourself about the affliction. Necessary to see why we need to change so we can avoid a similar affection. And at some point necessary to put it in the past where it belongs and focus on tomorrow.

Thursday, 28 May 2009 @ 11:54pm

Well said Henry!!! Towando!

Thursday, 28 May 2009 @ 11:56pm

LTL & Rune: I agree with both of you! It’s a good way to educate people about S’s & P’s, of course you have to be careful who you talk to and who you tell your truth to. You guys are the only ones who really know my “truth”, I’ve only told my sister about 10%!! If she knew I loaned him money I’d never hear the end of it! LOL. If it was someone I was dating I think I would just say that I had been in a unhealthy relationship… yadda yadda yadda. I guess if you are seeing someone, or get serious with someone, and you were married and have kids with the S and the new person might see some of the craziness you go through, I guess one might have to explain something (like 10% of it, ha).

Friday, 29 May 2009 @ 12:04am

If you don’t believe that ticks exist, you won’t recognize them, and you won’t know the danger of leaving them in place. You’ll know you need to get rid of them as quickly as possible, because the longer they stay attached to you, the more damage they can do.

And it doesn’t matter that you got a tick in the past, you can get another one today, and the ticks are still waiting to drop on you tomorrow as well.

We can move past the experience of the last “tick,” but we have to keep checking ourselves, and checking each other!

Rune – LTL I just fell out my chair – do you recall that CW song ‘I would like to check you for Ticks?’ lmao Goodnite to all my tick bitten friends……

Friday, 29 May 2009 @ 12:09am

On another “tick” note…. I spent the weekend on the shores of Delaware…my son spent a greater part of it crabbing on the bay as well as practically camping out by the pond for frogging for hours…running through the woods and grass and having the time of his life…I caught up on sleep and enjoyed adult time with the fam… yesterday I go to visit LF and I see Oxys wonderful insightful post about TICKS…and I shot up from the desk and said Oh my goodness I forgot to check my son for ticks!!!!!!! Something I always do when in those type of environments and totally forgot to do…well when he got home we not only had to do head to toe…but he wanted to go online and see what they look like, what they eat, what eats them, where they live….I didnt know whether to pull up a photo of a prison or a nature website!!! I went for the nature website (he is and he will be getting Oxy’s article when he turns 13!!!! Thanks Oxy in more ways than one!!! xoxo

Friday, 29 May 2009 @ 12:12am

YES HENRY OMG!!! LOL>>>>BRAD PAISLEY!!! I Couldnt believe it went to number one!!!! !LOL

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4KvHB4zpNX4

Friday, 29 May 2009 @ 12:14am

wouldnt mind checking Brad for ticks – ok ok i am off to bed…..

Friday, 29 May 2009 @ 12:21am

Now, now, kids. Brad looks like a “bad boy” to me. Is that a red flag I see behind him? There in the stage dressing?

Friday, 29 May 2009 @ 12:22am

Shabbychic…

You are something else! So funny and sweet and open and honest… esp when you said to James you think you are ready to take in that list now that you are coming out of the fog youve been in most of your life!!!! Words I can relate to….

Friendships and relationships need time to develop and grow and some just take on the most random unexpected topics and conversations that I find myself saying oh my goodness did we just have THAT conversation in a supermarket checkout line! LOL

Think we all just have to feel comfortable with whom we are sharing and opening up to and educating… all the while trusting ourselves and any red flags…its about exactly what you first said SOCHIC! We dont always have tell everyone exactly what we are thinking or all weve been through…we can choose the ones we are comfortable with always knowing the red flag system is there for us at any point along the way. stop. change direction before we are ever in over our head again!!!

How do you make your posts so short and to the point??? Teach me plz ))

Friday, 29 May 2009 @ 12:23am

See Im posting away and missing all the funny comments….lmao!!! Henry! Tsk..Tsk… Rune – LOL about the Bad boy with the red flag. When this song came out I was flabbergasted anyone could enjoy singing these words. Id like to check you for ticks!!! Especially cuz its not very romantic doing a thorough full head of hair check and arm pits and ewwwwww..but it did grow on me a bit!!! The tune….not the TICKS!!! NEVER AGAIN WILL A TICK LAST ON ME LONGER THAN THE TIME IT TAKES TO LIGHT A MATCH AND BURN IT TO ASHES!!!!

Friday, 29 May 2009 @ 12:28am

Learn: I did some internet research. Forget about the matches. The heat causes them to poop and further contaminate you. (You know, like when you confront them about their bad behavior?) Forget about vaseline or oil — they can “hold their breath” longer than you can wait for them to drop off. And those older techniques may also get rid of the body, but they leave their mouth parts behind that can cause secondary infection. (You know, the way their toxic words keep running around in your head?)

You want to take tweezers and pull them straight away. That gives you the best shot at getting rid of them, body, head, and all their crap. You also should remember that if they stay on you longer than 24 hours you have an increasing chance of contracting a serious debilitating illness like Lymes disease or Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever or PTSD.

Wash your hands. They leave toxins behind, so you should make sure you clean every surface they have touched, including your body, your closet, your garage, your car, and your “Wedding Memories” scrapbook.

Remember, too, that if you’re keeping an eye out for the big ones, you can miss the little ones that look like a cute little freckle. They’re just as toxic, but harder to spot, since the red flags are that much smaller.

Friday, 29 May 2009 @ 12:50am

Rune …LMAO…That post of yours is a work of TICK ART!!!!!! ARCHIVE MATERIAL THERE!!!

So basically if I light a match around my extox long enough he will likely “Chit his pants”!!!!!!! Too bad I never plan on being near him ever again!

No comment about vaseline or oil re: my extox!!! LOL — Henry will def have a better comment with that one!

Stay on me longer than 24 hours??? Cmon Henry chime in here!!! Try not even 24 seconds was doable!!!!

If I saw him today I would be walking around him with those baby diaper wipeys…they are the best disinfectents around!

And yes Rune you are so right the little ones are extremely toxic if not worse !!!!!!

Too funny! Tweezers it is then!!!!

Friday, 29 May 2009 @ 1:11am

ROTFLMAO!!!

Friday, 29 May 2009 @ 1:31am

ltl: I guess that was my shortest post to date! Ha. I love your posts, don’t make them short! I don’t think they are too long, they are perfect!

Friday, 29 May 2009 @ 1:34am

ErinBrockovich says:

Rune:
“Wash your hands. They leave toxins behind, so you should make sure you clean every surface they have touched, including your body, your closet, your garage, your car, and your “Wedding Memories” scrapbook.”

Did this all during the memorial weekend……I made this weekend a memorial weekend for my kids and I…..ridding our lives of the tick. The last of the ‘legs’ were plucked out by the salvation army this afternoon and hauled away!!!
Ya know…..they also attract mice too! So ironic how the wedding crap I saved through a million horrid years of marriage attracted the mice. Poop everywhere….in the guestbook, horseshoe, dress, bride and groom stuffed animal, cards……holes, poop and nests……at least someone was comfy in the remnants of the marriage.
I am now tick AND mice free!!!! But I will keep the traps out just in case they show up again!!!

Friday, 29 May 2009 @ 1:37am

Jim in Indiana USA:
No worries Jim, if your Aussie friends asks you:
how have you been?, just say
“flat out like like a lizard drinkin”,
which means “really really busy!”.
James:
That picture you posted is identical to MY ex P! (except my ex p had a smaller dick! lol).
It is soooo good to come home to LF…the only place in the world where I can say what I feel and say what I mean – safely. xoxxo

Friday, 29 May 2009 @ 6:31am

Learnthelesson…

we should unite and claim our % from car sellers/repair fees LOL.
And YEAH, u are so damn right, there was never Thank u, at contrary, on some wizzardous way, they make u feel bad u did not offer/give more, knowing how needy they are.
To payback? Well, they believe its granted and they DID pay back in advance, just by letting u and allowing u to support him

Friday, 29 May 2009 @ 6:57am

PS. My extox really made me reconsider my smartness. latelly i was wondering: how is it possible that one dumb bull reacts on red flag, and i did not even notice it

Friday, 29 May 2009 @ 7:02am

I own half of a Yukon somewhere out there in Pennsylvania!!!!! Simply by insurance payments and inspections payments and new tires on board and parts I dont even know the names of I LOANED to him to be able to “get to work” and also the stripclub and gym and probably even other womens houses!!! O M G OM G !!!!!

Hey we need to add to the list of SIGNS YOU ARE DATING A LOSER..
Any type of request of loan money for Automobile CHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LMAO!

And yes Thornbud, my ability to reason WENT OUT THE WINDOW… I think perhaps its the way they waved the red flag….ever so mind@@@@ingly!!!! Slowing and tainting it with hopes and dreams and sparkles and glitter — that we just didnt know what to make of it….

I think we noticed the flags, felt them in our gut…but we just didnt have the tools to react the right way and charge after them and scare them off !! LOL Instead we galavanted around with them and at times perhaps cautiously or dazed…but we put up with alot of BullCRAP! for sure!!!! Learning lessons, learning lessons….

Regaining my smarts and sense of self and seeing through the fog and fakeness and manipulative deceitful ways is what made him run away and hopefully stay away. When their mask falls, their cowardness and dysfunctional ways shine!!! We can see right through them and their red flags… So we STOP. CHANGE DIRECTION!!! I dare him to try to dance with this Taurean Bull everagain! OLE!! ))

Friday, 29 May 2009 @ 10:21am

Tilly,
It certainly is good coming home to LF.

And as for ticks attracting mice, I think that’s true. As long as I’m ‘cleaning house’ I’m going to re-evaluate all of my relationships bc while I was busy attending to the tick I think some less disgusting, but equally harmful mice might have snuck in.

Friday, 29 May 2009 @ 7:04pm

nomore_discomBobulat says:

OxDrover,

Couldn’t help but chime in on this one. Many diverse and chronic health problems first began decades ago after I was covered with literally thousands of ticks. We were canoeing down the Illinois river in NE Oklahoma (maybe near your neck of the woods?) when I got into a nest of ticks during a bathroom break. Both legs to the knees were covered in ticks, with no skin visible. Several weeks later both legs to the hips were covered in multiple Bull’s eye rashes. Meningitis followed in the fall and from there my health deteriorated. Have NEVER been the same since!

Was finally tested for Lyme 7 years later and only briefly treated. Possibility of other tick borne diseases as well. The year of my experience (or year before) Oklahoma had the highest cases of RMSF. Of course in those days Lyme was not admitted to be found in that part of the country, though Lyme-like illness was acknowledged in Missouri. Could go on and on about this subject but too tired to do so right now, and maybe veering off the point. Hope you don’t mind that I added my experience.

I haven’t been on here much lately because all the work I have to do to get the house appraised so I can get this divorce going and be free of him, has about done my health in. Guess back to pacing myself which means I won’t be free any time soon. Miss reading and being on here.

Friday, 29 May 2009 @ 9:05pm

Man is anyone else watching Dateline tonight? This guy is a total P! After reading a couple of books about them it is amazing and scary how I’ve learned to recognize them in different news stories.

Friday, 29 May 2009 @ 9:40pm

I’ll have to watch it, it’s on in 5 minutes out here.

Friday, 29 May 2009 @ 10:55pm

Is it this one?

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31005549/

Friday, 29 May 2009 @ 10:57pm

That looks like the script for the Dateline I just started watching!

Friday, 29 May 2009 @ 11:03pm

Thanks Shabbychic2, reading it now…

Friday, 29 May 2009 @ 11:06pm

By Josh Mankiewicz
Correspondent
Dateline NBC
updated 7:07 p.m. CT, Fri., May 29, 2009

This aired on Dateline NBC on Friday, May 29. The full video will be online by Monday, June 1

The full video won’t be on line until 6/1 so I will have to wait to see it then… But thanks again!

Friday, 29 May 2009 @ 11:10pm

James: I don’t know how you found it! Last week I only saw the end of Dateline and they said for more info go to dateline/msnbc, so I went to the site and I couldn’t find anything about it, and here you find a show the same day it airs. I’m going to look for last weeks show from the link you posted! D’oh.

Saturday, 30 May 2009 @ 1:14am

shabbychic2,

Yes finished reading that one and then the latest on Drew Peterson. Both of these are interesting and current. Interesting how they are about people who I believe suffer from some type of personality disorders but how it’s never brought up in these reports. Why is that?

Anyway, yes I very good at research on the web. Part of my computer training when I went back to school to learn about computers and the internet. It’s surprising what one can find on this internet highway and how quickly one can do it. Thanks again done and shabbychic2 for the infor…

Have a good night!

Saturday, 30 May 2009 @ 1:37am

James: I know, I was wondering the same thing the other night when I was watching Nancy Grace talk about Drew Peterson and Chris Coleman, not once did anyone say the word sociopath or psychopath, and I couldn’t understand why, and they never talk about personality disorders on any of the other shows either!!!! Good night!

Saturday, 30 May 2009 @ 1:44am

Shabby and James:
The lawyers for these shows err on the side of ‘caution’ and unless diagnosed they will not allow the hosts to mention sociopath/psychopath in regards to a certain person…..don’t want to let these people have a lawsuit to file!!!
We all know, from our readings that S/P’s are hard to diagnose, due to the fact they do not seek help……so unless they are a ‘diagnosed’ s/p…….the words do not come up.

I too believe, these shows are doing a great disservice by not mentioning the words……s or p……or cluster types etc….
IF nothing at all……to raise public awareness to what’s out there ALL around us and the devastation wreaked on families….whether it’s murder or not reached that point YET!

We LF’s can feel free to write to these shows and ASK WHY it is they do not spend more time on raising the public awareness on these Cluster B type behaviors!!!! The more we YELL about it……maybe we can be heard?!
We don’t need to diagnose people……just raise awareness and educate the public on these behaviors and the stats that go along with them……if people knew how many were out there……I believe it would make an impact to some degree.
The media sure has the forum.
Just look at every ‘case’ Nancy Grace has had on in the past several weeks alone…..
Caley Anthony, the CL killer, Sunday school teacher rapist/child murderer (Ca.), The florida missing girls step mother, Drew Peterson, Oj Simpson, the PA father that was arrested for killing his wife/2 kids, the professor accused of killing wife and collegue, the mother that faked her daughters kidnapping,…….these are all accused (except oj)….not convicted…..but all exhibet obvious S/P traits….
But…..the attorney’s get in the way.

Saturday, 30 May 2009 @ 3:01am

ErinBrockovich

Thanks and that makes perfect sense. I guess the only time they could refer to a person that had a personality disorder would be if that person was diagnosis by a trained professional psychologist but even then what about law protecting people about medical conditions and what the general public can know and not know. Guess this leave it up to us again. But if we do that then we can be label as people who label other people. Can’t win I guess…

Saturday, 30 May 2009 @ 9:50am

EB: That thought crossed my mind this morning!!!! It’s like you were reading my mind. I just thought “maybe they haven’t been diagnosed so the people on TV can’t just use the words S/P. But I did not think about lawsuits… interesting.

Saturday, 30 May 2009 @ 10:02am

It seems like they (the media) could at least mention the possibility. Or have a show about personality disorders and frame it as a question to avoid lawsuits, like “Could Scott Peterson be a psychopath?” I wish there was some more public awareness, maybe it would save a few victims from getting caught in the webs of these people.

And yes, James…that is the one I was watching.

Saturday, 30 May 2009 @ 6:37pm

Thanks for the confirmation Done. I missed the show sorry to say but it will be on line 6/1/09 which I will watch unless it’s show again on dateline before that. The husband did get 5 years and found guilty for manslaughter. One part of it explain how he would use the tears to sell products (vitamins) for his business but could walk off stage bone dry telling others “That’s how you work a crowd”. Oh Boy! How this one let the water works go when on trail for his life. Still a very interesting story more so because of the letter his ex wife wrote before she died and her visions she believed was from “Heavenly Father”.

Saturday, 30 May 2009 @ 6:56pm

OH Done, one other thing if you watch the video when he is on the stand watch how he will look up to the judge and says “who me?”. Many of us know how they will give us this line and look all so innocence like “what who me?” Anyway I wanted to yell and say “no dummy we asking the guy not sitting in the hot seat to process with your testimony” Give me a break!

(not sure if this will work but let’s try it)

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21.....9#31003759

ps: if it doesn’t work let me know but the short video is worth the watch.

Saturday, 30 May 2009 @ 7:11pm

Bleah it makes me sick to watch it. It is mysterious that his ex wife wrote that letter, but it wouldn’t surprise me if he somehow coerced her into writing it, or convinced her that was her destiny somehow.

I wonder if the family members have found any literature on Ps or if they are still struggling to try to understand it.

Saturday, 30 May 2009 @ 7:32pm

Done,

“I wonder if the family members have found any literature on Ps or if they are still struggling to try to understand it.”

Good question~

Yes, It makes me sick to watch it!

Being a Christian it hurt to the core whenever a manipulator will use the church and Christ’s teaching to get away with a crime.

Guess it workd on the jury because he only got the min sentence plus it took so many years just to get this one to trail.

Saturday, 30 May 2009 @ 7:44pm

Yeah, I was surprised they even convicted him…it sounded like they were really falling for his ‘charm’. And yeah, in my book it is in the same category as crimes on children/animals when someone takes advantage of someone’s faith.

Saturday, 30 May 2009 @ 9:16pm

Elizabeth Conley says:

Y’know friends,

Sometimes when I see people fouling up their lives, I want to scream with fury. WTF are you thinking?!

Jeff Foxworthy has his “There’s your sign!” series of jokes about how to identify a redneck. They’re cute. I’m a redneck, and I don’t mind. They’re funny.

W oughtta have a “There’s your sign!” series of jokes about sociopaths and other cluster Bs.

I gotta say ladies, that if you’re a married mother with several children having an affair with a married man who also has kids, and he says “I love you and want to continue messing with your emotions and ruining your reputation, but I’m planning on staying with my wife whom I don’t love and and frankly enjoy humiliating with our affair, because if I leave her she’ll get sole custody of our children.” “THERE’S YOUR SIGN!!!”

Further, if he delivers this bombshell after you’ve already confessed the affair to your husband and explained that you’re running off with him, then “THERE’S YOUR SECOND SIGN!!!”

If you do not go “no contact” with this person and work your arse off to repair your marriage, then you’re a blankety-blankety-blankety-blankety…

…much profanity later – DRAMA ADDICT. You don’t want me to fill in the blanks.

Will one of you mental health professionals please explain to me why women do this sort of thing to themselves? I need some insight into this personality type.

I’ve got one of these silly broads crying on my husband’s shoulder at work, and it makes me nervous. I hope she realizes that I’m not as understanding as the other man’s wife. I hate dysfunctional drama with a grim, intolerant passion, but an ax murder can be good exercise.

Friday, 5 June 2009 @ 6:36am

ROTFLMAO!! Elizabeth that is a fantastic post. I cant wait to read the responses! xx

Friday, 5 June 2009 @ 7:50am

Elizabeth Conley-”I hate dysfunctional drama with a grim, intolerant passion”

I feel your pain. I got a phone call from an acquaintance (not a close friend) about a month ago…sitting in a lawyer’s outer office…her husband filed for divorce after 20 years of marriage. She told me a brief synopsis of his “affairs”, lies, and “hiding money”. Then…”I’ll call you back later.”

So, a few days ago, I’m sitting at a light…a horn honks behind me…she leans out the window…”I’m going to call you!”

I checked the computer while at the courthouse in early May…the only “fact” I know is he filed for divorce. Third hand, I have heard accounts of his telling people of her “affairs” and drinking.

So why pick on me? Am I supposed to expend energy to figure out if there is a smear campaign and a valid “side to the story”?

I’ve had my fill of drama. That’s why I no longer go to a local website I’ve termed “Narcissist Theatre” where I first became acquainted with this couple.

I can’t help them.

“Will one of you mental health professionals please explain to me why women do this sort of thing to themselves? I need some insight into this personality type.”-Elizabeth Conley.

Oh, and then there was one of my ex-tox’s best friends…we’re talking in the school parking lot a year or more ago, and she starts to tell me her husband will be out of town this weekend and she needs to “go out and have some fun”? Well, I looked at my watch…oops, “gotta go!”

I guess what I hear is “I want to feel loved”. That’s what my ex-tox said, devaluing and discarding me, anyway.

Not my job.

Can’t save the world.

Elizabeth…let me know if the professionals have an answer.

Friday, 5 June 2009 @ 8:00am

Dear EC and Jim,

I’m a retired professional, but that doesn’t mean I “Know MORE answers” it just means that I have more QUESTIONS.

MY OPINION is that to a great many people “real life” is BORRRRRING. There is an “old chinese curse” which goes “May you live in INTERESTING TIMES.”

War is “interesting”
Drama and homicide are “interesting”
Cancer is “interesting”
infidelity is “interesting”
Stirring up trouble is “interesting”

etc.

Why do you think Greek tragedy is “interesting” or why do so many people watch SOAP OPERAS, or Jerry Springer, or the nightly “news?” Or Crime TV? Or why do people “gossip”? Because it takes the BORING daily stuff to the back burner and something exciting and “interesting” to get our adrenaline flowing and “perk us up.” Give us something to think about or do that gives us some kind of “emotional reward” either positive or negative.

Beating your wife gets teh juices flowing, but BEING beaten also gets the juices flowing and gives you some excitement.

Mankind’s ability to stir up trouble and keep life “interesting” is well recorded in history. It isn’t like we don’t have enough troubles in this earthly life like plague, cancer, hurricaines, tornadoes, floods, etc., without man-made trouble like wars, murder, infidelity, etc.

We’re here in this site because there was an abuse of our lives in some way by someone(s) who had a personality disorder…we are also here because we didn’t fully “get it” about what was going on, and we didn’t get the heck away from these people after the FIRST time they did something to “show their colors” (even the first TINY sign they weren’t what we thought they were.) Some of us were programmed from childhood to accept this “less than stellar” treatment as “normal” so that we didn’t spot it as “abnormal” or even entirely “undesirable.”

Abusers can’t be abusers without victims. Victims can’t be victims without abusers.

At least NOW we have decided we don’t want to be victims, and we have extricated ourselves from the abusive relationships and the abusive people to the extent that we can do so (my prayers for those that have to co-parent with these monsters and others who can’t fully extricate thermselves yet for one reason or another).

ALL abusers I think are “dysfunctional” and some of us victims are not as functional as we should be, just in a different way are we dysfunctional than they are. We are TOO CARING, among other things, and sometimes also WE are addicted to the “feel good” chemicals our brains put out by associating with the psychopaths and get “hooked” into the addiction just like a coke addict or an alcoholic. We KNOW it is bad for us but we fight the addiction and lose because the high (though never as good as it was at first) is soooo good, even if we must pay with the painful lowwwwwwws.

I’m beginning to think that more people than not are living lives of “quiet desperation” and that a good many of the people we meet who appear to be “doing fine” are really NOT doing all that “fine”–they’ve either got a kid or a brother-in-law, or a nephew or someone in their circle who is a Psychopath or close enough to call it “adequate for government work” that is keeping their lives stirred up and somewhat in chaos.

The more well-to-do people just live in “better housing” to do their “drama” than the crack addicts and the street walkers, but it is all the same “dramarama.”

I’m watching a DVD series from BBC America called HOUSE OF CARDS, about a psychopath played wonderfully by Ian Richardson, who was a British politician who wanted to become Prime Minster, I’m only half way through all of the shows and he has already covertly destroyed the lives of half the cabinet in order to make himself PM, but has murdered two people as well, in his quest for POWER. He is now out to bring down the monarchy because the “king” is interfeering with his POWER and control by wanting to take care of the British PEOPLE instead of line the pockets of the rich. His wife has complete knowledge of his behavior and apparently approves of it, including his two (so far) affairs with other women. The woman he is currently (as far as I have watched) is also apparently a psychopath too, so I am interested to see how this series plays out. I love British television! I highly recommend this series if you haven’t seen it. It is pure PSYCHOPATHS AT WORK.

I guess maybe I am “becoming cynical ini my old age” but “man’s inhumanity to man” seems to be the NORM not the exception. All about DRAMA and keeping things “interesting.”

After the character in the show became PM, he became bored because he had no more “mountains to climb” and that was when he decided he needed the challenge of bringing down the king. GOT TO KEEP BUSY! CAN’T BE BORED! The mantras of the disordered and dysfunctional.

I am learning that BOREDOM is WONDERFUL! It is called PEACE when it is quiet and productive. So BOREDOM TO YOU! Keep your life BORING and UNEVENTFUL and never “interesting.”

Friday, 5 June 2009 @ 8:36am

Jim,

“I want to feel loved.” means “I don’t want to behave in a lovable manner, or to behave in a loving way. I just want to be sure that you’ll put up with me no matter how badly I treat you.”

I know enough bimbo-doublespeak to interpret that one for you.

They don’t know what they mean, because that kind of introspection is uncomfortable, and they don’t do “uncomfortable”. There’s no point in being sharp with these whiny bed-wetters, they’ll just dribble salt water all over you. Back away slowly, and you won’t be drowned in impending histrionic crying jag.

Friday, 5 June 2009 @ 8:42am

“I want to feel loved.” means “I don’t want to behave in a lovable manner, or to behave in a loving way. I just want to be sure that you’ll put up with me no matter how badly I treat you.”–Elizabeth Conley

ROTFLMAO…Now that I have been on Lovefraud…I have the answer…”Leave me alone. Get a dog!”

…and “bimbo-doublespeak”…that’s a classic!

Friday, 5 June 2009 @ 8:56am

Oxdrover,

I think you just pegged it:

“MY OPINION is that to a great many people “real life” is BORRRRRING. There is an “old chinese curse” which goes “May you live in INTERESTING TIMES.”

etc.”

I guess deep down inside I knew this, so the idea of the silly git drizzling on my husband’s broad shoulder made me anxious. She’s due to move on soon (job change), hopefully she won’t do any damage on the way out the door.

My husband is one of the most sensible men in the world. He’s also one of the kindest. I guess I’ll have to have faith in his common sense.

Friday, 5 June 2009 @ 9:43am

slimone says:

Hey Oxy and All–

“We are TOO CARING, among other things, and sometimes also WE are addicted to the “feel good” chemicals our brains put out by associating with the psychopaths and get “hooked” into the addiction just like a coke addict or an alcoholic. We KNOW it is bad for us but we fight the addiction and lose because the high (though never as good as it was at first) is soooo good, even if we must pay with the painful lowwwwwwws.”

Could you please quit picking my brain and childhood apart?OUCH@! It hurts! . Brain Surgery by Oxy.

As for the boredom…..I have a terrific personal example of my own addictive nature, and how I am not fully embracing ‘non-drama’ yet. I recently forgot to get my professional license renewed until the very last effing second, giving my boss reason to talk with me and dock my pay. How embarrassing and needless. Sure did make for some good conversations with girlfriends, some missed sleep– some good old guilt and drama. Course I still feel like an ass****.

When will I get it? As the Buddhist proverb states: Chop wood, carry water. Why make it more dramatic, and suffer?

Friday, 5 June 2009 @ 4:31pm

One more thing. I was talking to a therapist and she said something about infants being born who were like ‘crack babies’. Not because the mothers did drugs, but because they were so stressed out. They ended up producing so many stress hormones/transmitters, that the fetus gets used to the high levels of fight or flight ingredients.

She said this is one theory of folks who have (not PD’d folks) issues with seeking drama (and the subsequent release of these stress hormones).

Friday, 5 June 2009 @ 4:43pm

Dear Slimone,

sorry about the “brain surgery”—! I think I “resemble that remark” too much too….I’ve been under some kind of stress most of my life, to the point I got to feel it was normal.

I am working hard on the “non-dramatic” life, and it is becoming more “natural” to me now…still not there, and may never be totally “There” but I think it is much better than it has ever been before.

Easing away from “drama queens” is a big step, and getting rid of the users and abusers and people who do not respect my boundaries is helping too.

The last “friend” I dumped was a very long term friend that broke his word to me over essentially “nothing big” but it was in a series of increasingly rude instances and I just didn’t want to deal with it any more. When I confronted him (gently) about it, he reacted (over reacted) with name calling, shouting etc. and that was the END.

I just don’t need “dishonest” and “rude” people in my life, whether it is a “small” dishonesty or a “large” one. It is getting easier to shed these people without a lot of guilt, feeling bad, asking myself if I am doing the “right” thing, etc. I’m learning to set boundaries and not second guess myself.

Not feeling the need to “rescue” people, though I still am willing to “Help” people who are trying to help themselves. Or as Jesus said, “giving, without expectation of repayment.”

Friday, 5 June 2009 @ 6:09pm

So many good things to read at the moment but I am flat out working, I SOO need it! I need my dose of LF to stay well. But its gonna have to wait a bit, as” life happens”.

Friday, 5 June 2009 @ 6:12pm

Tilly,

Hope you get lots done. We will be expecting you back, soon!

Oxy, Yes. Me too. I have weeded my relationship garden as well. If it’s a weed, no matter how small, it goes. Only the friends who are completely trustable and clear with me get to play.

And I am attempting to compassionately weed my ‘inner’ garden, as well.

As for the brain surgery– I could use a little brain surgery. And you seem like a fine surgeon!

Friday, 5 June 2009 @ 9:04pm

Learthelesson

sorry for delay.i was busy reading in here, swallowing and digesting. i found myself lost within posts, still absorbing every single post, every time surprised with magnitude of similarities.
As u pictured: ” I dont even know the names of I LOANED to him to be able to “get to work” and also the stripclub and gym and probably even other womens houses!!! O M G OM G !!!!!
Scenario goes like this: First, “WE” need a car, than “WE” need to fix it, “WE” need new tyres…and at the end, HE needs to drive his new victim. YEAH, OMGOMGOMG

Anyways, we all know what will be the last stop of da ride – straight where it belongs: to the old cars cemetery.

OLE!! ))

Wednesday, 10 June 2009 @ 11:49am

robxsykobabe says:

Hi everyone…

This post again, hits home as I struggle with letting myself off the hook for my nievity. My situation, Im sure, is quite similar to most everyone elses. I will share a bit relating to the post.

Hmmmm…when did I notice he was similar to a parasite? Lets see…was it when he volunteered me to drive his child (who lives 1.5 hours away from me) home every other weekend? No, no, maybe it was when he left my house 3 times after a fight, gave me back my keys and begged harder and harder each time for me to give them back. No, that wasnt it either. Maybe it was when he began telling people ‘we’ lived in a condo—which is a lie…he’s lived with his parents SINCE IVE KNOWN HIM (3.5 years to be exact, and he’s gonna be 36). Ummmm, maybe it was when he left his childs bike at my house after I told him “no” because I had no room for it. Or MAYBE…maybe it was after he ignored me for the weekend because I told him I wouldnt co-sign a motorcycle for him LET ALONE buy it outright for him!

It makes my stomache hurt knowing I did alot of ‘things’ for him, believing I was “in a relationship”, that I wouldn’t have otherwise done. I opened MY home to him and his child and gave of my things freely, only to be taken advantage of time and time again and attempted to be made to feel guilty for saying no!

Ill never forget his line to me (as he broke up with ME-via text mind you)…”your boundaries are what kept out alot of what I needed most”…

How sick is that, how sick is that?

Monday, 21 December 2009 @ 11:41pm

Oh…and speaking about bordem…

I am quite hyper to begin with so I enjoy being ‘busy’. Running most of the day all day isnt uncommon for me-EXCEPT on the weekends. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to lay in bed on a Saturday or Sunday, taking cat naps intermittently through the day, after the gym, or after a shower.

What I noticed and hadnt thought about it too much until now, is my ex COULD NOT enjoy any form of relaxation. We HAD to be doing something from the ass crack of dawn until bed time…and I would be repeatedly asked “what should we do now?” It got to the point that when we had his child at my house, HE had to be doing SOMETHING or was very unhappy…and I dont mean playing in his room by himself, either.

That always did strike me as odd…how he couldnt enjoy the art of timeless nothingness…why is that does anyone suppose?

Monday, 21 December 2009 @ 11:48pm

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How parasites—like ticks and psychopaths—work

97 Comments to “How parasites—like ticks and psychopaths—work”

Jim in Indiana USA says:

Tilly says:

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henry says:

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James says:

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henry says:

henry says:

shabbychic2 says:

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Jim in Indiana USA says:

shabbychic2 says:

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Tilly says:

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learnthelesson says:

Done says:

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learnthelesson says:

henry says:

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Jim in Indiana USA says:

learnthelesson says:

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learnthelesson says:

learnthelesson says:

shabbychic2 says:

learnthelesson says:

Rune says:

henry says:

learnthelesson says:

shabbychic2 says:

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learnthelesson says:

henry says:

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