Letters to Lovefraud: The coldest man I’ve ever known
PDF Editor’s note: The following story was submitted by a Lovefraud reader whom we’ll call “Marsha.”
I just wanted to write and share my story. I did some research on all the characteristics of what makes someone a sociopath. My father is a psychologist and knew my situation. He had mentioned the concept that my ex-fiancé was a sociopath after everything that happened to me and I didn’t think to ask him more about what that meant. After exploring this site with the symptoms, I realized that my dad was 100 percent right. Here’s my story:
When I met my ex-fiancé, it was through a mutual friend. He was charming, funny and seemed to be very witty and smart. He displayed himself as a go-getter, very ambitious, etc. We were friends for several months when our relationship seemed to get more serious. It was around that same time that I was living in an apartment that I loved within five minutes of my workplace. He lived in a fairly expensive high-rise condo on the beach, a condo that he owned, whereas I was renting.
He was a mortgage broker at the time and the housing market was steadily headed into the downfall. As we continued to date, his job stability as a broker seemed to be in question. Sure enough, about six to eight months into our relationship, he lost his job working for one of the major banks as they had some layoffs. He faced the challenge of paying his bills and mortgage in his condo as he waited for the opportunity of new employment.
Moving in with him
He created this idea that our relationship was headed in the right direction and that he “loved me.” He advised that really the only thing to do at this point would be to move in together. He urged me to quickly move into his condo so that we could play house in a sense and combine our incomes. Looking back I realize just how much I was duped.
I decided to give up my wonderful, beautiful, convenient apartment to move 30-45 minutes across the town to his location. I began paying him rent, month after month and not really seeing where the money was going. It turns out he was saving the money with plans to not pay the mortgage and lead his own self into foreclosure. He then anticipated that since we were not married he could just short sale the property in my name.
Now during all of this time, I let a lot of these financial plans slide through the cracks. I trusted him and figured that he had a plan. I didn’t know that this was a true con artist act in disguise.
During the span of time that I lived with him, he had kept in contact with an ex-girlfriend and stated that they had to keep in touch because he had known her for so long and that she was a friend. Again, I let this slide, even though I didn’t like the thought of it. Mainly because the communication was often and not of real purpose. Flirtatious, in many ways.
The marriage proposal
After one year of dating and living together I truly felt that I was in love with him. He proposed to me but even the proposal was cold and emotionless. We were arguing one afternoon and he laid the ring on the table showing that he had gotten the ring and that this should get me to stay.
This was never what I would have thought my proposal from the love of my life would have been like but again, love is blind and the sociopath can find a way to have you hanging onto a relationship that you know deep down doesn’t make sense.
He wanted silence
Needless to say, after several additional months his personality began to change and change and change. I never knew what personality I would get on any given day. He was oftentimes very irritable and mean. He was cold. I would come home from work and he would state that he couldn’t talk to me, he wanted silence. He would spend nights upon nights sleeping on the couch (by choice). What young engaged man chooses to sleep on the couch and not in the bed with his woman by choice?
It was as though all he cared about was the money that I was paying and the plans for the short sale.
He would talk sometimes about how people always betrayed him growing up and that he blames his father for being abusive. But, he rarely ever showed affection … kisses, hugs, terms of endearment.
I made excuses
I always would make excuses for him and say to myself … He’s just going through a lot right now … or he really cares, he just doesn’t know how to show it. Yet, over time it just seemed to be that he was purposefully being emotionally abusive and standoffish. He told me that I was too close to my family and should cut the close ties. It was almost as if he was jealous of my close relationship with my family and didn’t want that closeness to continue on.
Looking back, I realize that he didn’t want anyone else to figure him out. He didn’t want anyone else to realize that he was a fake, a fraud and that his love wasn’t real. His love didn’t mean anything.
He would always find a way to charm me, or reel me back in like a fish out of water, when I started to question his intentions or when I would take a stand. Then, there were other days where he just really didn’t give a crap.
I can’t say enough how this was the coldest man I’ve ever known.
Charmed again
After additional communication between he and his ex surfaced, along with his decision to allow a buddy of his (male) to come stay in our house for well beyond a few weeks, without asking me of course … I decided it was time for some separation. Although separation was there I still missed him. After a few days, he charmed me again and offered the possibility of my coming back home and things changing.
I came back, of course, and things didn’t change and he was as aloof as he had always been. The problem was that I still loved him and wanted to marry him, wanted to change him. Within a few additional days something very devastating took place … He cut the ties of the relationship with as much care or emotion as a gravedigger. Again, it was cold and at this point he devastated my life … he told me that he just couldn’t deal with this anymore and couldn’t be in a relationship.
After all I had sacrificed emotionally and financially, he was just easily done with everything. I took steps to move out. After that point, he didn’t call; he didn’t attempt to communicate at all.
I would have never been happy
At first, I went through hell. Replaying the events and wondering what I could’ve done differently. But looking back, he just wanted to live by his own rules … he clearly was a sociopath.
What is he doing now? I hear he is still living in the same place, filed bankruptcy and works out all the time to make himself look more muscular. He dabbles into drugs and is even further down the wrong path.
I’m just happy that I got out because I would’ve never been happy. He had no care or concern for anyone but his own self. I tried not to blame myself or get depressed. I try to realize that people like this, I call them users, don’t have a heart. They don’t care! They are truly sociopaths and will do whatever they can to win and to live by their own set of rules.
Please learn from my lesson …
written by Donna Andersen • Permalink •
Tilly says:
Hi Done…glad you are finally done with being treated like crap!
Welcome to the only place left where you can meet others like you and me and RECOVER…sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, but recover it is,NO CONTACT! is the only way.
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Tilly says:
But I have to admit, I really miss my dog that the psychopath took and I really really want to get all my things back from him. It eats at me like a cancer. But no contact is no contact.
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OxDrover says:
My dear Janie,
I am so glad you are back with your lovely wonderful, upllifting posts of absolute GOLDEN ADVICE!
All pain no gain, Jane is one of THE most wonderfully wise women in the universe and she has been conned repeatedly, most of us here have been. She is so right! LISTEN TO JANE! Her words will guide you on the road to HEALING….we are all lwalking that same road, maybe experiencing different patches of it, but I promise you that if you will just stay on the road, you will have guides for the rough patches, people to cheer you on, hol dyour hand and comfort you when you fall.
Getting away from these monsters is the only way to survive! My prayers and hugs!
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witsend says:
Tilly,
Maybe if you could get your dog back then the other “stuff” wouldn’t matter so much.
Does your dog have anything that directly connects YOU as being the owner of the dog…Paperwork trail, such as micro chip or licence or vet bills, all in your name?
May be the dog can be gotten back with legal means rather than contact?
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witsend says:
Tilly
By legal means I don’t mean a laywer, necessarily. But maybe more like the police? A report that this person STOLE your dog? If you can prove the dog does belong to you with a paper trail…..
However if you percieve that this will stir up trouble with him then it is certainly NOT the way to go.
Maybe you can adopt a dog in a shelter? I know this isn’t replacing your dog….But it is making a positive out of a negative situation (an unwanted dog gets a loving home)
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Tilly says:
Thankyou witsend!
Yes, the dog has been microchipped with my name so it is legally mine. However a few times the P has said on the phone, “make a list of your things and come over on such and such a time, and i will give you your dog and your things. When I get there he sends his new victim out to tell me he is not home while he calls the police on me for breach of restraining order. The new victim told me that he has given the dog to his daughter (bet she got into trouble for that!).
Anyway, I know the answer is to forget it, but its very very hard because it brings up all my revenge feelings. But i know that more than anything he wants to see me put in jail. I told him what happened to me with my last P and how it destroyed me…so of course, he is trying to do exactly the same.
So far he has failed. But he will never stop trying. That is what they are like. Mothers of Gloom and Destruction.
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ErinBrockovich says:
DONE:
GIRL……I second all the previous advice! And welcome, unfortunately!
You asked about psychiatrists recommendations….I believe you should seek out a therapist or a psychologist. Psych’s are not counselors these days, they medicate. I think it is you need to vent and gain tools. Try that route. (unless your looking for meds)
Not sure where you are located, but if you go to the
Highconflictinstitute.com they have recommendations for different therapists in several areas that have gone through their training. Browse around the website too…..enlightening!
I agree, you need to interview whomever you choose. In the meantime, educate yourself here and with other resources….your reading your exploring…your heading in the right direction!
Expect the highs and lows…..but try to even them both out, so that the highs are not so high, and you dont’ have that far to fall when you go low! (We tend to welcome the highs with glee and exagerate them…that’s why I say….try and keep the balance)
Just moms mothers day advice.
It’s just time and awareness.
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ErinBrockovich says:
Tilly:
Call the animal control and ask for their advice.
Re; your stuff…..it’s stuff. I don’t recall if you mention it to him or his new V, but stop if you do. If he sets you up, don’t buy it. He knows he can controll you with your possesesions.
If none of it is really important, walk away….it’s in your best interest.
I was fortunate enough to boot my S and gave him a chance to take his stuff…..he left a load….so he could come back. I was actually surprised at what he left, things I know were important to him. DUMB ass. Now he’s asking for them back. I have cleaned house. Ridden my home of all of his
‘stench’. It was weird to throw out his grandmothers china and silver and family heirlooms, but on the same token….it felt good. I have made my home MY home.
Sorry, i went of on a tangent for a sec.
I would suggest, doing a redecoration of your home. Spicing it up, making it so very different than when you were with him. In no time, you will really enjoy YOUR space, and forget all about the ‘stuff’ you left behind. Detach yourself from it. It sounds as if that is your only healthy choice and the sooner you do it the better for you.
Call Animal control in the AM!
good luck…..keep your head up.
Please do not hold onto the anger, this allows yourself to be victimized and controlled…..this is what HE wants and your giving it. Know that Karma does happen and we are not in control of this.
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Tilly says:
Dear Erinbrockovitch,
Yes the “stuff” is really important to me and yes you’r right, I have to let it go. These are his “trophies” to remind him that he destroyed me…( but only for a while). If he was a murderer he would keep my underwear. But he just keeps everything he knows I value and that will distress me.
I don’t have a home anymore, the psychopath before this one, took my home. He was a solicitor and he got away with it and had me jailed. I now have one room that I rent.
I know you are right about the anger, but i can’t seem to shake it off this time. Although i have the occasional day here and there where it leaves me.
I don’t believe in Karma anymore. Every psychopath I have ever known has got away with it, in the extreme, (and I mean extreme). They have all been living happy, prosperous lives at the expense of everyone around them for the last 20 years. I see there victims and their enablers, but never once have i seen their bad Karma.
I like your idea about calling the animal welfare/control. It is a great idea and I might yet do it. What is stopping me is knowing that the p will be rapt that I am “still playing his game and still losing”… He will take another action for sure, to revenge me for taking the dog. And you can guarantee it will be worse than the last one. The last one he tried to have me arrested. He has tried four times now to have me arrested.
Your ideas are great and your support is wonderful. Thankyou for caring.
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Tilly says:
P.S. It is so good for me to discuss this with you. As I write it I realise that if I do anything at all to get my things back I will be playing right into his hands. Like running away from the monster only to find that you are running right into his arms. Now I realise why he kept them, not just as trophies of another one he destroyed, but also as bait to have me put away. Thankyou again for helping me to see this! Thankyou thankyou!!
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ErinBrockovich says:
Oh Tilly:
We don’t always ‘see’ the Karma, and don’t for a second believe they are happy….remember it’s the facade. If you were to meet my S you would think he was the happiest guy on earth…Walt Disney….I know, I really know….as long as I spent with him, I do know he is miserable….always needing to be in control of someone, always creating drama somewhere, moving from one place to another searching for the right supply. I want peace, stability and ‘normal’ relationships with neighbors, friends and the community. S’s are not happy! They don’t know the meaning….it’ll hit em……
You need to make someone aware of his harrassment….you must stop being intimidated by him!!!
DO NOT REACT, do not give any impression you are the ‘unstable’ one. Keep your integrity at all costs. Eventually, people will see the truth. Expose him silently, plant seeds….but be careful.
For me there is some sort of revengeful joy I get from seeing his demise. Knowing he has NO relationship with his family….watching ‘friends’ drop like flies….I am not worried about another woman….go get em baby….that keeps him in supply, so I don’t step on that one. He expects that I will be upset with that…he flaunts it every time we are in court and I don’t react….it throws him for a loop. I used to be jelouse when we were together, this was something he loved to feed….so he thinks that’s a hot button for me.
On all fronts, I stop, think and do not react immediately. i do not need to be around to watch him squirm (although at the deposition it was glorious), I am satisfied just knowing that he’s squirming! I trained myself to do exactly the OPPOSITE of what I want to do at the time. If I feel like crying, I laugh, if I feel like yelling, I don’t speak, if I feel like calling him, I do not. I am in control! (At least I try to be ) When I am not, I leark on LF and remind myself of the horror.
Please, hear me when I say this…..I lived with the BS for so long, walking on eggshells, trying to make it work etc…..the price I paid was with my health! It was a huge wake up call. 2 strokes, cancer and a dissected carotid artery! As I have said before, this changes a gal! Ya think!
I say….when you take the fear out of dying, there is nothing else to fear!!! I am prepared to protect myself and go after him with a vengence now. Take back whatever has been taken from me and then some. Every threat he made to me….I’m going to take you to the cleaners…..well I’m turning it all on him now. Because he is a stupid S, and he knows I have way more sense than him…..he knows I am tenacious, he knows I will fight for what is right. He was just banking on the fact that my health would give out. No, I’m not ready to die….but I will not lay down and let him walk over me for another second! This is my strength. I am in full battle mode. But I do it like a stealth. I am playing the S game right back at em! Maybe when he loses everything….he will not be so hasty to fuark with the wrong person again. Maybe just maybe he will be forced to think twice….but I am sure there is another victim just waiting to ‘help’ him out….poor S….she took everything…..oh, what a beech! YOU BETCHA!
It took him by surprise, shock……he can’t in any way predict how I will react any more. He has no idea how my health conditions changed me, because he denied them, tortured me through them, extended my pain, eliminated my support…..and guesss what? I AM STILL HERE!
I have a funny story….after I found out I had cancer and surgery etc… He had taken my car. His car was a beater, because he didnt’ take care of it, no repairs etc….I had asked for my car back, no response….several times, no response….one night I went over in the middle of the night and traded cars with him…..took all his stuff out of my car and took my car back! Changed the locks and employed the security system. He was PEEZZED off when he went out to find HIS car in his space! He let his guard down because he didnt think i would have the strength to do this after getting out of hospital…..knowing that…..I FOUND THE STRENGTH! DIdn’t take the pain pills one day,,,,just so I could go and get my car, by myself at 4 am in the foul weather, and not involve anyone else. I STILL crack up over that! But, I now know….all the stuff I covertly took back, I am so glad I did, because I would never had seen it again….now I know how the courts work! In the beginning, I played by the rules….now I play by his rules. So far, it has served me well.
My dear, stay strong, develop a plan YOU can live with and move it into gear….whatever your plan may be! Whatever is in YOUR best interests.
I just knew, for me, that I had almost given him my life….and in my case…..he wasn’t gonna get another thing. Things are things really.
Decide if the anger is worth dying over….because it’s killing you….which translates into…..he’s killing you from afar.
I say…whatever you do, do it covertly. Remember, loose lips sink ships! It might be just as easy to retreat and let it go and heal yourself. It’s your call darling. Weigh your options, take your time.
Have you also thought about contacting the vet who implanted the chip to see what advise he can give?
We all learn from each other …..some days we have strength to give some days we need to take…..some days we do both.
Good luck…..and we all care!!!
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Tilly says:
Thankyou so much ErinBrockovich…wow you are ten times stronger than she ever was!
He has already tried to have me charged with break and enter when I hav’nt even done it! I admit it, I was thinking about it, but lucky I didn’t because thats what he wanted. Luckily, the police laughed at his complaint of B and E because it was so far fetched. Plus my P was a dentist and he also told them I stole his patients files and x-rays…so the police reminded him that it is a federal offence to have your patients files etc. in your own home! But I guess there was a bigger plan going on for the p..I imagine that he would be trying to cover his insurance fraud hence the allegations at me.
My last psychopath had me jailed (he was a solicitor and he took my grandmothers inheritance from me and my house) and put in the mental institution!
So I am as angry and as “pithed off” as you are, believe me!
My P dentist knows what the solicitor did and how devastated I was. So as soon as my criminal records were dropped in the court of appeal (that same week) he called the police on me and made up a story similar. That was how we broke up. But this time I didn’t have my home and all my money stolen. Just my dog and what little was left. Mostly sentimental.
I believe he is expecting me to break and enter to get my things or to go to his daughters and take my dog.
That is why I can’t do it.
Thankyou so much. You are a billion times stronger than Erin Brockovich ever was!
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JaneSmith says:
Oxybubblicious,
I don’t think I’m super duper wise but thank you very much for the touching praise. I respect the heck outta you, I really do.
I’m just logical, practical and rational and I truelly wish for Allpainnogain to realize the horrible soul-siphoning nightmare situation she is living, every day and every night.
She needs to leave the psychopath today. Now, before something tragic happens to her or she is party to a tragedy that causes irreparable damage.
Please do the right thing for yourself, APNG.
Leave……..
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muldoon. says:
Sounds afmiliar, except ine ended it fro women he ahd only met that day…jsut turned off as if I had never meant anything to him, dissed our marriage the works..he return and i welciome back and try extra hard to please him..WTF is that about.
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endthepain says:
Can somebody please tell me…..if I close a child support case..so I can be done with this S…as there isnt any custody agreement or order in place…can I do that..just close it the child support case..not get anything..(like I ever would)…and be done??? please let me know as I cant deal with him anymore..I have an ulcer now from all of this crap! HELP
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Done says:
Hi Muldoon,
I know exactly what you mean. I would always end up apologizing and working extra hard to keep my S happy when he should have been apologizing to me. WTF is right! He had this amazing ability to turn things around and make me feel like the crazy one. After reading everyone’s stories it sounds like that’s a pretty typical skill of these people.
A couple times today I found myself thinking about him and thinking “oh maybe I’m overreacting maybe he’s not really a sociopath” but I’m so glad I came home and got on this site to remind me to never speak to him again!
His mom called my parents house yesterday to wish my mom a happy mother’s day. She is old and crazy (not in an evil way tho) and I feel sorry for her, but she has no idea the hell her son has put me through the last 10 years. She loves me so I’m sure when she asks him about me he tells her everything is wonderful, even when he’s blowing me off or cheating or just being a general a-hole. She’s a nice old lady, and I feel bad that she has this awful son, but do you think it would be breaking the no contact rule if I answer her calls? She is very fragile and mentally ill (maybe that’s where he gets it from) and I don’t think that telling her the truth would do anyone any good. Should I just suck it up and speak to her, and just tell her I’m not speaking with her son anymore?
ErinBrockovich- thanks for the tip. I will check out that site. I am in Dallas. I definitely don’t need to see a psychiatrist, bc I’m not the crazy one I don’t need drugs (not to insinuate that those who may need the assistance of any meds are crazy). I just want someone who is familiar with these types of people to listen to me so that I can get some validation.
So in one hour it will be one week since he called to tell me he didn’t love me, wasn’t moving in, was f-ing someone else etc… and I’m sure he thinks I have spent this week crying and plotting ways to win him back. I bet he is shocked that his phone hasn’t rang…and it makes me happy to think how shocked he’ll be in a month when I still haven’t called him. I appreciate what you said about the highs/lows but I can’t help being happy that this week my strength has stuck around…and for the first time in years I feel free and like I am in control!
Could I finally be done letting him control my every emotion??? Thank GOD! I hope so.
Tilly–I can imagine how frustrating it must be to have that jerk using your dog against you. If the police or animal control can’t help, maybe it would be better to go adopt a new puppy at a shelter, there are tons that need homes. Good luck getting your dog back (and succeeding at it unscathed)!
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sabrina says:
Dearest ALLPAIN- Where are you? I havent found a recent post from you, maybe I missed it ,but wanted to see how you are doing. I pray that you are doing well. Please let us hear that you are okay. Take care girl!
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OxDrover says:
Dear Muldoon,
I am SO GLAD you are back on Love fraud. How was your medical test outcome? Are you okay? I was thinking about you today and wondering how you are.
Is he gone again? Oh, I hope so. I hope he has a new woman and will leave you and your children alone! I pray for that! He will never be happy, or make a woman happy, and he will abuse her too, I just want him to leav e you alone! I know how he made you suffer and I so hope he is gone.
Please stay here and learn more and heal!!!! You and the children can be happy, happier than you have ever been with that monster in your life! ((hugs))) and prayers for you my dear!
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muldoon. says:
Dear oxdrover.
awaiting biopsy results, suffering stress and on all kinds of medication..he is gone, by my hand not his, no tears from me this time I am now immune to it all, all the callousness and abandonment has only served to harden me..
As said previous tonight he soon slipped into his ways, but this time aroundI just followed suit, intstead of the usual creeping and engraciating when he turned silent, I turned silent too, when he accused me of being hard, callous whatever I said maybe now you know how it feels..although it didnt immediately work, he gave in..
Then on saturday gone he showed a lack of regard to our daughter, I didnt think twice and kicked him out, called the police when he refused to go and refused to back down
The shit part is when he nice he nice and he very good with the wages..its the mental stuff, the walking on egg shells, the kids and me whispering when he in his mood so he doesnt have anything to start over..
my life has defiantely changed and its because of stuff I learnt here.
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Tilly says:
I saw one of his vampire daughters in the street today. The one he gave my dog to. She is a definite psychopath bitch. The Psychopath has put a restraining order on me so I can’t go near any of them. She didn’t see me.
I wanted to go up to her and say, ” I have given a statement to the police that you have stolen my dog”. But I knew she would ring her P father and tell the police I spoke to her or worse. So I didn’t do anything. I just watched her walk down the street. When i got home there was a letter from the vet saying my dog was way overdue for her vaccination.
My blood boils and I am so sad. As soon as I can I am going to get a big trained dog like Oxdrover, one that will grab someones thoat on command.
But first i have to get a place bigger than one room!
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blueskies says:
‘I mostly trusted others, not myself.’
My 17year old daughter told me today that she had been talking to her father(a great man and good friend of mine, though we split up when niblett was very young)about an incident that occurred when the creepy little man (sp) came here to stay with us last year and I wanted to share it with you.
My daughter is a very confident, self assured woman(nothing like her wimp of a mother;) and she was trying to explain to her father, who doesnt really get why I have been so depressed by all this, the nature of the mind games and manipulations that the creep subjects people to.
This is one of my big red flag stories- it didnt get ignored but it got thrown into a fog, by him and it just illustrates these creatures ability to confuse and manipulate.
We were having a big family dinner, during which my daughter and sister became disturbed and left the room. I was busy cooking and serving and didnt really catch what went on.
My daughter spoke to me later and said that she had been completely creeped out because the sp had been having a sexually explicit conversation with her and had been sexually suggestive towards her . I didn’t believe it to be an overreaction, so later that night I told him that she had been very uncomfortable with his topic of conversation and asked him what he had said. He completely denied it and even went so far as to blame another guest (like she was confused as to who was saying what…?Huh?).
The next day, without speaking to me first he ‘ambushed’ my daughter in front of me and asked her why she had said that about him. I watched in horror as he put her completely on the spot, but she told him that yes he had made her feel uncomfortable.He then proceded to TELL her that she had heard wrong, interprited wrong and that it was another guest. I WATCHED her stand there and doubt her OWN memory of an event that had happend less than 24 hours earlier and by the end of the converation agree that she had been mistaken! With a few words he left us both standing there in a fog of self doubt.
I come from an abusive background, which he knew, and he made us feel that we were being hypersensitive and paranoid.
She avoided any further interactions with him from there on, she doesn’t take shit from people generally and doesn’t waste time with people who make her uncomfortable and has great self possession and esteem and I certainly felt very protective of her where he was concerned so it was the ONE and ONLY time he managed to manipulate her in a way he was doing to me on a daily basis.
Of COURSE she WAS telling the truth and her feelings WERE valid and I should have thrown him off the balcony onto his repulsive face there and then.
Every time I spoke to him about anything, it was like a fog decending in my mind.
And I cant describe how terrible I feel for exposing my children to such a creature, he didnt manage to do them any harm (apart from nearly destroying their mother) but I was completely neutralized, paralized and utterly pathetic:(
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OxDrover says:
Dear Muldoon,
I hope and pray that your biopsy comes back clean!!! (((hugs))))
I am also glad that he is gone. there still may be days when you wish him back, think about the times he was pretending to be “nice”—-and notice, I said PRETENDING TO BE NICE. It was only an ACT.
I recall he trashed your car, trashed your friend’s car, and threatened and on and on, before. So I hope this time he is “done with you” and moves on to another woman who will take him in. I almost feel bad for saying that, but I know that he WILL find another victim, he will find another and another and another. He will never be “nice” to anyone, and only pretend to be nice for a short while to hook them in, like he hooked you in.
You do NOT deserve to have that kind of treatment. I am glad that you are starting to truly see that THEY CANNOT AND WILL NOT CHANGE. He doesn’t love you, he thinks he OWNS you. They don’t “bond” (love) anyone else besides themselves, but they do “attach”—like OWNERSHIP. You are a possession for his use. He doesn’t love you or the children, you are just his possessions.
No matter what happens with the biopsy, Muldoon, he would not have been a “help” or a “support” to you, he is wanting all the attention and to be served, not to serve any one else’s needs.
I am glad you came back here, Muldoon, start reading the old articles in the archive….read them every one!!! Soak in the knowledge from them, and keep on posting here too. Knowledge is power and you can take back the power you gave him. He is like a VAMPIRE and will suck the life out of you and turn your day into night forever! Love and Prayers, Oxy
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learnthelesson says:
Dear Blueskies,
Wow…your daughter sounds awesome with the self-awareness and self-protection shes got going for her! And on top of that, she has you to show her lessons from your journey to further protect herself!
Remember not to beat yourself up about all that stuff IN THE PAST, and truth is …you actually exercised some of the self-everything right then and there…by calling him out on it… now we have learned that when coupled with lots of questionable behaviors we simply dont have to give them an opportunity to “explain” things away or “confuse/fog” things up…I could actually imagine him twisting the story around, being loud too probably, just abrupt and lots of shock the system tactics to get you and your daughter to second guess yourselves and turn the entire thing around. And the problem is they take bits and pieces of events that are true but twist and turn them in such a way that we are left questioning or just wanting to believe them.
You are very lucky he didnt do any further damage to your kids, and had you not acted right then and there the way you did…he may have been setting the motions in place to further break your daughter down to a very vulnerable state of mind…GOOD FOR YOU BLUESKIES!!!!
You did the best you could with the tools you had coming out of an abusive past and wanting to trust and believe and all the good things we all hope for ourselves and our families…now you know the real deal..not only about yourself and what you really are made of…but about others and what to do…. Your children are lucky their mom wasnt destroyed but further that shes being REBUILT!!!!!
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Tilly says:
On mothers day my youngest son, who lives with his girlfriend came up for the mothers day lunch. He said to me, “where is the best place you’d like to go in the whole world, mum?” I listed off a few nice spots, then asked him the same question. He smiled and said, “wherever you are would be the best place in the world mum”.
I keep thinking of that one sentence and it gets me through the horror of all the psychopaths in my life that I have had to deal with, including my daughter.
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witsend says:
Tilly
That is the sweetest thing a son possibly could say. And Hallmark should be asking you for the rights to use it
I think that you are very lucky to have him, and hold that thought dear to you heart during your struggle with your daughter.
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karma says:
Hi Marsha,
This entry sounds a lot like someone I was dating in the Chicago area. Even up to the part of him working out and dabbling in drugs…
He told me he lived with his ex girlfriend and their 2 year old daughter for three years. Which of course didn’t come out in the beginning. He tended to lie just about anything. He too was in real estate and had been dealing with a short sale on a property.
He went so far as to tell me that he had cancer, and admitted to lying about that too. He always hung out with one of his guy friends from out of the country, never could keep a promise to meet me on dates, and would frequent bars calling me in the middle of the night to pick him up.
He always came up with excuses. He also never would let me over to the house he lived in claiming that his ex girlfriend was still in love with him and he was sleeping on a couch and then moved in with his sister in Indiana.
Anyway, either our stories are very similar which most of these types of people seem to create… or we know the same person.
I hope you are better now. I have been still trying to deal with the pain, and also the shut out. He hung up on me three months ago and that was the last I ever heard or ever saw of him, which in itself is a blessing. The more I am reading about sociopaths he really seems to be a likely candidate.
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Done says:
Uhg so it’s been almost two weeks now with no contact…I’ve been doing surprisingly well but today I had a 4 hour drive and 4 hour flight which proved too much time to think and I cried a little bit. I let myself start thinking up “what if” scenarios that are never very helpful. It’s so hard to understand how someone can be so hot/cold. How can you be packing boxes to move in, then an hour later say matter-of-fact that you are not moving in, not in love, f-ing someone else, etc etc?!!!?!? It just hurts soo freaking bad and I’m soo sick of hurting!!! I wish I could just erase him from my mind. It’s hard to think back on all of the time we spent together over the last ten years and realize that he probably never had a genuine emotion towards me other than viewing me as a meal ticket, sucker, ride, etc.
I spent so many hours worrying over/about him and trying to “save” him and it was thankless. I used to worry that he would never change, and that he would drink himself to death, or die of his high bloodpressure, or be too poor to ever retire. I spent years trying to get him to get his crap together. Just when I thought it was never going to happen and had moved on, he reappears feeding me all this bs about how he’s almost 40 and he wants to get his life together and start a real career, and get married and quit drinking and get in shape and move in yadda yadda yadda. I kept my guard up for the last several months, and finally, let it down when it looked like he was going to move in and really start getting all his ducks in a row. It is like he just knows the very SECOND that I let down my guard, where I finally let myself believe “wow maybe this is really it, maybe he really is serious this time” and as soon as it’s down, he’s like, btw I’m in “love” with this other girl that I’ve been f-ing and I’m not moving in (I don’t know where he finds the time since he’d been at my place at least 4 nights a week).
I shouldn’t say this, but I hope he dies. He hasn’t been taking his blood pressure medicine and he smokes and drinks at least 10 drinks a day…sometimes more like 30. I hope his cold heart explodes in chest and he won’t be able to use anybody else. I used to pray that he would get better bc I didn’t know what I would do w/o him and it drove me crazy that he was so unhealthy but now I hope he keels over. I wish I could watch. GOD I am sooo angry and hurt.
OK sorry for all the venting-I needed to to avoid spending the night miserable.
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Matt says:
Tilly:
You cannot rise to his bait of saying “come over and get…” The fact of the matter is he has a restraining order on you. You cannot go near him without violating it.
Next time he does this, I’d go to the police station and say “look. I want my things. But I can’t go there alone. I need you to come with me.”
They’ll go. And then you can get your stuff and be done with him. Right now he’s just enjoying jacking you around. Once the police see his email telling you to get your things, he won’t be able to do this with them on the scene.
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Matt says:
Done:
Are you sure you and I weren’t involved with the same guy? Mine will be 40 this year. He drinks too much. He’s back on drugs (at least IMHO). He didn’t have 2 nickels to rub together, which, since I was paying for everything I didn’t understand how he couldn’t even make his rent. And the blood pressure was a biggie — his mother has been brain dead for over 4 years after her last stroke from high blood pressure.
I also tried to “save” S. I was S’s one man Salvation Army — legal counsel, social director and ATM. By the end of 15 months I was exhausted. Of course, how a successful attorney like me ever got hooked up with an ex-con like him still boggles my mind.
But, I did. I want mine to suffer. Personally, I’d like him to have a major incapacitating stroke. Just like that mother of his that he trotted out whenever he had to run a pity play on me. In my fantasy, I go to nursing school. Then I become his nurse. 5 times a day I jam the needle into him. And just like his mother, he has lost the ability to speak. And has to take it. And take it. And take it. And can’t make one more snotty comment to me. Ever again.
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Done says:
Matt:
Haha I love your fantasy. It does sound like almost the same guy. I don’t know how we (smart successful people) get duped by these guys, but it somehow helps to know that I’m not alone…that they have amazing powers of manipulation.
Mine was holding a job at a resort/hotel where he was making several hundred dollars a shift, yet still had a hard time paying rent and utilities for some reason. I didn’t think he was using anything aside from alcohol, but who knows. He did dabble with cocaine before (after I left him one time…I ended up feeling guilty like maybe I somehow drove him to it by leaving [whatever]). My s’s mom is a very sweet woman, but she is crazy. I don’t know what her diagnosis is, but one time she didn’t recognize her own son, and she becomes very frantic and disoriented. She still calls and I don’t have the heart to tell her I want nothing to do with her loser of a son, but I think she must know. In one of her lucid moments she told me I must be a “social worker” for putting up with him.
I know what you mean, I want him to suffer too. I’m trying really hard to just let go though, bc seeking any revenge just shows that I still care on some level. I hope that whenever his habits finally catch up to him and I hear the news I can just shrug and say that’s too bad. I feel like revenge is impossible anyway…if you don’t have emotions, how is anyone able to hurt you? I could never cause him to feel as much emotional pain as he’s put me through.
But for fantasy’s sake…since I’m unable to inflict any emotional pain…I’d like to lock him up somewhere and starve him to death, and make him listen to all his least favorite songs while I enjoyed lavish meals while he watches. (Now I sound crazy =)
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Matt says:
Done:
One thing that works in our favor is that sociopaths tend to live something like 15-20 years less on average — their high-risk behavior ensures their early demise, either from their high-risk behavior or at the hands of somebody they burned.
While I wan S dead, I want him to suffer first.
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ErinBrockovich says:
Matt and Done:
We fantasize about what we would wish for them….
I believe this is a defense mech. that we must use to avoid doing something ‘real’.
It also gives us a bit of venting of pressure….like a release valve.
I have wrestled with ‘forgiveness’…..You know the story….you must forgive for yourself….to heal….I honestly can not grasp that concept. I know we don’t forget and that is not part of the forgiveness concept…..but I just have never been able to forgive the few people in my life that have betrayed me on such a horrid level, and really I have no desire to. I can ‘forgive’ small indescresions….I’m not totally hard nosed….but I’m talking about major, major life betrayals.
If I could find a way that combined forgiveness with forgetting…..that would be my optimal fantasy….but it’s just that, and it’ll never happen. Or, is that what we refer to as denial!!!???
I am a giver….I prefer to give than receive…..BUT….when someone has gone too far (of coarse, I let the S go YEARS even decades longer than anyone else in my life) I just let them go. When I’m done, im done and there is just no going back. I don’t harbor ill feelings generally (except the S and parents), and I look at a betrayal as an eye opener….and move along.
I choose to surround myself with people that I can trust on all levels. People I can relate to, people I enjoy. Otherwise, I’d rather be alone. I know that’s safe!
I think after being abused for so many years, my memory of bad events faded quick….this must have been my inner defence mech’s working overtime. Oh, I have recalled them now, since NC….this has helped in my getting out and the healing process.
Sometimes, when I see or run into an old ‘snake in the grass’, I think…..why again was it that we lost contact…..and I have to make myself recall what it was….sometimes I just can’t remember and trust my instincts that we parted for a reason.
So, back to your/our fantasies…..don’t let them run your head….I believe they are very normal….but like everything else….we must be in control of them, or the S’s are still in control of us.
I do know that when a person continues to do the same aweful behaviors, whether it’s directed at us or we see it happening to others….it festers, the fact that we can not STOP them. Then we begin to think about the fantasy of what we would like their Karma to look like.
I SOOOOOO believe…..they WILL get what’s coming. I just hope i’m not in the way when his karma comes barrelling down the path!
I don’t think it would be ‘normal’ if we all said, ….Oh, I wish the best for my S. I would be screaming LIER, LIER pants on fire!!!! Ya, maybe the best way to make em suffer!
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Tilly says:
Boy! Am I in the right place here today! Phew…I luuuvvv this discussion.
Well, my fantasy is that he has lost all his assets, money, friends, family, job etc and no-one will lend him anything and he is in a car accident because he was driving drunk (hes an alcoholic) and he can’t walk (i.e. he is a paraplegic) so he can never play golf again (his fave thing to do after drink) and his hands are smashed so he can never work again or pick up a glass. Also he has pneumonia and Pleurisy and emphysema (he is a smoker). However, his brain still works and he can still feel his skin and is oversensitive to hot and cold. He cant speak properly because he has cancer of the tongue. No-one wants to know about him anymore because no-one has any use for him. Then he finds out that the front headlines in the paper say “Paraplegic Dentist has Full blown Aids”. The next thing you know he is jailed because of his huge Insurance and Tax fraud. In prison he lives to a ripe old age of 96.
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Tilly says:
You know, all day I have felt like I wanted to cry, and now I feel at peace.
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Tilly says:
Matt:
I have asked the police but they said i would have to go to the civil court as the judge gave me seven days to collect my things last november and i didnt go to collect them. (I was afraid of him at the time and homeless and carless).
I might try the DA’s office eventually. Right now I know he WANTS to fight me in court so as to annihilate me. He thinks its a game. I am not giving him the pleasure of destroying me in court right now.It would trigger me too much and I couldn’t cope with it emotionally. He knows that too. I have no faith in the law as I was legally abused in the extreme.
That is why I worry that I might lose the plot and kill him, because I know there is no justice in this world. Well, I’ve never seen any.
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Done says:
Tilly,
I want to steal your fantasy and apply it to my S. My EX-S I should say. Mine is also an alcoholic, but in denial. And loves golf. He’s actually very good, he could probably be a pro if he wasn’t so screwed up.
I’m glad you don’t feel like crying anymore today. I went for a walk earlier, and almost started crying. So I started running as fast as I could, to where I couldn’t even think about anything except where my next step would fall. I still ended up having a fantasy about killing him afterward… but I think ErinBrockovich is right, that it is a part of venting/healing as long as we don’t act on it, or let it control us.
In one hour it will be 2 weeks exactly since last contact. This is the first time since I’ve known him that I haven’t even THOUGHT about picking up the phone or sending him a text or email. I hope it lasts this time! I think this site is really helping!
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Matt says:
Done:
I’ve always said that we need a few categories on this site:
The first would be entitled “He/She Said WHAT?”
The second would be entitled “He/She Did WHAT?”
And the third would be entitled “Revenge” and would be subtitled “Honey, if them there Pilgrims had known about these here fantasies, there would be another clause in this here Constitution.”
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Tilly says:
Done:
Its so good to come home to this site! My ex P had a handicap of 4, mainly because he played golf every day all day (then drank all night), while he lived fraudulently on a hundred grand “insurance stress payout”. He told me one of his friends had done it,then he studied how he did it, and copied him.. I didn’t believe him at the time. Then at the end of relationship i saw the cheques. He never let on to me how much money he had. He was still taking money from me in true P style. He never stopped bragging about his golf and how he should have been a professional blah blah blah.
Thankyou for confessing your killing fantasy…it really helps me to know I am not alone in this nightmare.
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Tilly says:
Matt:
I would definitely be a regular visitor to the revenge category! Especially the fantasy one so there are no consequences….
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Tilly says:
If I contact the police or the courts and try to get my dog and my things back the ex P will be rapt because he will know he is still controlling how I feel and that he still has power to hurt me. Plus he sees everything as a game that he wants to win, so he will start planning his strategy to hurt me more, or just to control me in some bent way.
When I read the “Ice Man”, I was shocked when the psychopath left a tied – up man in a cave out in the middle of woop woop and let the rats eat him alive. He did it because the person ordering the killing told him that this particular man should suffer as his crime had been very bad.
However, he never asked what that crime was or questioned that the killer might be lying. He just enjoyed the whole process.
Absolutely no empathy.
What is the difference between the Ice Man and my ex P ? Is it just a matter of time before they all get to this next step? I think it is.
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OxDrover says:
Gang, I can completely understand your desire for revenge, to make them hurt and suffer…it is the natural and normal response to being injured deliberately.
That said, though, that kind of feeling, if held on to and “nursed” starts to be like anything in this life that isn’t taken with MODERATION, it starts to EAT AT YOUR SOUL. It doesn’t hurt them at all, but it eats at your soul like a cancer.
After the plane crash this creep who owned the land across the road from us where my husband’s plane crashed sued ME for $50,000 because my husband “trespassed” on his land and HE NEEDED MONEY TO MAKE HIM FEEL BETTER, it was all such a big EMOTIONAL SHOCK TO HIM!—–He didn’t get a dime, but it went as far as a deposition. It added stress to my already chaotic life. By the time it came to the deposition, I had already lost my husband and my step father and has PTSD pretty badly.
I wanted this creep to DIE! I laid awake nights wanting to shoot him, first in the foot and work my way up to his ankle then knee and so on, just to hear him whine. What kind of creep would sue the widow of a man who burned to death? Not for damaages to his place, but because it “upset him emotionally” It TRAUMATIZED HIM? I hated him, I wanted to kill him!
But after a while, as much as I genuinely wanted him dead, it started to “fester” like a BOIL ON MY SOUL….it was turning me into a bitter nasty old woman. Not that he didn’t deserve to suffer for what he did out of malice and greed, but I iwas becoming WORSE than he was in the way I was thinking.
The word “wrath” is defined by a raging vengeful anger, and the Bible says “Let not the sun go down upon your wrath.” Even Jesus in my estimation didn’t find anything wrong with being ANGRY, as he told his disciples, “Be angry and sin not” (don’t use your anger as an excuse to do bad things) but he cautioned his disciples not to hang on to the wrath, not even over night. My take on this is that WRATH is corrosive to the person who holds on to it.
To me, finally letting go of it (and believe me it was a struggle) lightened the burden of pain and injury I had to carry. It let me NOT think about the man who sued me. I will never be GLAD he sued me, but I am at a point now that I can actually LAUGH ABOUT THE AUDACITY OF IT!
After it was settled (he got NOTHING!) he literally was driven out of the community, picked up and moved! It wasn’t that he had “shame” (do they ever?!! LOL) but he wanted everyone to think of him as a “good man” so he moved on to where people didn’t know him and he could pretend (at least for a while) that he was a good neighbor. I don[‘t have to “revenge” myself on this man, he is his OWN WORST ENEMY. For the rest of his life he will continue to try to “make friends” by acting like he THINKS will make people look up to him and like him, but his social skills are so poor (along with his lack of hygiene) that he will never have a neighbor or a “friend” that isn’t disgusted with his presence. What could be worse, really, than for him to live and be continually unhappy? I don’t have to worry about revenging myself on him, he is doing it himself. Now I can move on to more positive aspects. When I am thinking about hurting him, I am NOT at PEACE and in a CALM and GOOD PLACE….my hate keeps me focused on HIM and rents him space in my head.
I will never understand what makes them so evil, so greedy, so nasty…but I don’t want to be LIKE THEM. Plotting revenge is what they do BEST. Being hateful, is their cup of tea. I don’t want to be LIKE THEM.
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Done says:
OxDrover,
I agree that rage, like anything is best in moderation. I wouldn’t want to become so caught up in seeking revenge that I become no better than the S. However, I think that the anger is necessary, especially in the early stages because the alternative to being angry for me right now would be crying or calling or spending day upon day trying to figure out “why” and going through “what if I had done x or y differently.” I need that anger to keep me from letting him come back once his new girl runs out of money.
And- I can’t BELIEVE that your neighbor would do that!!! What a jerk! I guess I can believe, it, considering why we are all here. But I never cease to be shocked and amazed at the actions of these people!
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Done says:
Matt,
I agree, categories would be nice. Another category could be Money/Property/Dignity lost, and why only the last one is worth getting back.
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muldoon. says:
my cancer is smoke related..I gave up….the day I came home from hospital he lit me fag after fag and said go on smoke yourself to death….hurry up and die, I smoked them all and now back on twenty a day..he always kicks off at worst moments…not sure if planned or coincidence..cold as ice.
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Tilly says:
OxDrover,
Of course you are right. But it is much easier said than done. And besides, as soon as he had to move you got your revenge and so could forget it anyway. What better revenge is there than to have them banished from the community in fear and shame? None if you ask me.
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learnthelesson says:
Good Morning GoodGrief,
I just spent some time trying to help you UNBLOCK your BLOCKED memory …to help you remember …as you put a new letter together…
Unfortunately, I lost most of the stuff I copied and pasted…but enough for you to unjog that blocked memory… I just went back to your original honest raw real posts under The coldest man ever” April 2009 archives…its all there..the way she treated you, DURING RELATIONSHIP…and the things you let go in one ear and out the other…and turned a blind cheek to. Was thinking apple doesnt fall far from tree…you mention her mom has a history of LOTS OF MEN…also thinking if you want info about her straight up…contact that cousin…. she will probably tell you all the things you know in your heart but dont want to hear…you just want her FAKE WORDS BACK and THE FAKE HER BACK !!!!
Fasten your seatbelt… take off the goggles this time…
She seriously was the best thing I ever had, but maybe she just morphed into what she thought I wanted…
WHO PACKED HER AND MOVED HER ACROSS COUNTRY?
fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me
her cousin comes up to me at the party and asks what we we’re doing now that we arent together. im like “what?” she says that her mom told her that we had broken up and even went as far to say that she told her mom to thank me on her behalf for moving her there despit e the fact we weren’t together anymore?????
FACEBOOK….OVER A YEAR IN A RELATIONSHP WITH HER AND SHE DOESNT PUT THAT AS HER STATUS.. GIVES EXCUSE CUZ OF STALKER..”TRUTH IS SHE IS A LIAR AND DIDNT WANT TO BLOW HER COVER WITH OTHERS” THEN ONE DAY OUT OF BLUE SHE PUTS IT UP
= WHY IS STALKER BEHIND BARS AND ITS SAFE??? NOPE SHE IS PROB WITH SOMEONE ELSE, BUT DECIDES TO TELL YOU SHE WAS JUST DOING IT TO APPEASE YOU…
And the biggest red flag if all…she calls me while out running errands and says shes traveling 6. Hours south for the weekend for a girlfriends 30th bday party be it’s girls only! HA HA HA…
I’m a little suspicious and before she leaves and check to see if her birth control is under the sink and it’s missing.
I look a little bit and can’t find if and shes spins it around to me being paranoid and if she told anyone what I did they’d tell her shes crazy for being with me after displaying that kind of untrust. CLASSIC…AND YOU DIDNT FEEL LONELY?
a few days later I catch her on the phone in her bathroom late at night and I hear her say “I was just calling to say hi”…when she comes out I ask who it was and shes says her sister which I told her I know I’d a lie cuz it was so late out west and she lives east and had to work in morning…she changes her answer and says it was the girl who’s bday party she went to and she had texted her with some guy emergency…well why would u say u were calling to say hi then?????? She apolofized and ssid she was trying to mskd me jealous…bulkshit…I freaking lost it and was out the door for good and she i’d begging ms to stay be apologizing fit her poor judgement in trying to make me jealous…
mind u I had never heard of this girlfriend of hers before or since…I looked for her phone for 40 minutes cuz she hid it and when I found it all #’s were cleared…
I lost it again and she even tried to soften my rage byvoffering sex which I was like hell no…took a long time of her convincing ms to stay and a long time to gain her trust on my part again but I did
…looking back I realize what probably happened and she may have gotten a kick out of it…what a sucker but I just didn’t know then that she was capable of something do devious and I wanted to believe her. \
man would I love to ask her about that and so many other things now…
YOU WONT…THE TRUTH WOULD CRUSH YOU…SO YOU TRY TO JUST GET HER BACK AND BLOCK OUT THE TRUTHES…. SOME MORE
I changed my whole life plan in a matter of weeks and decided to put my career on hold (on my own) and move back west to be with you and to take care of you during your surgery… BAD MOVE ON YOUR PART…TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST
I was there at the police station for the stalker thing, never expecting that you’d treat me like him. Never. (This is the same guy she runs into at a bar after stalking accusations and goes back to his place to “hang out” …omg GG… shes a trainwreck…WAKE UP GG!!
I paid for the last months rent because I knew you weren’t physically ready to go yet and I knew you wanted to deal with your bankruptcy out there. OMG
I loaned you 700 dollars and even went and deposited it for you and you never thanked me or paid me back. OMG>>>OMG>>> OMG
I packed and moved you to Michigan.
I bought you the best pair of earrings even though I couldn’t afford it.
I got us a house here that allowed all of our pets and I offered to pay all of the rent to make you moving here as easy as possible. You said you’d move here. SHE WAS JUST TALKING…
I offered to pay to move you here and was going to come there and do it all myself. SHE DIDNT WANT TO
I took you to a football game, the aquarium on your second birthday, a comedy show and we had so much fun together. Everyday we had fun just being together. SHE WENT…IT WAS FREE, FUN, WHATEVER…YOU WERE IN LOVE!
I feel like I was always there for you and that I never let you down.
I bought us a xmas tree so that we’d have a nice xmas together even though you wanted to leave me there alone.
I got you 2 great anniversary gifts and you never even acknowledged them or thanked me. I put a lot of thought and time into that stupid calendar.
I sent you a great anniversary card and you never sent me one even though your mom makes them.
I bought you a $300 phish ticket as a welcoming present because you said you wanted to go and now I’m stuck with it.
When you wrote that you were ready to go I cleared money off my credit card and researched flights and truck rental options.
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Done says:
Too bad we all can’t step back from our situations and see them through they eyes of others, that can tell clearly that we are being had. I haven’t got to the archives yet, but reading that recap above made me angry for GG and also made me think of how much crap I’ve put up with. I used to think I was the only one in the world that would put up with so much BS.
Also, I just bought U2 tix for their show in Chicago in September bc my S wanted to go, $250 that I didn’t really have. I like U2, but I hate Bono and would never have bought them except he wanted to go, and promised that he would go with me (even though it was several months in the future) and that he would pay me back when he got the money. Well guess who’s gone again and didn’t pay me back? When we had our last conversation (ever I pray) he acted like it was no big deal, said “those tickets will be easy to sell” and the day I got the tickets I had expected him to be excited, he did afterall practically beg me to get them. Instead, he said, “I’ll tell you thank you after we actually go to the concert. How do I know you’ll even take me.” uhhh…bc I keep my word unlike you’re worthless ass!!!!!! Well he was right of course, bc I’m not taking him. This is a perfect example of how he will turn things around. If I were to talk to him again whenever he decides to come back around, I know he would bring this up and use it to prove that he was “right” and he knew all along I wouldn’t take him to the show so why should he have thanked me. Well he knew all along bc he must have known I’d find out about the other woman or some other crazy bs that he did and get mad and not take him! I wish he’d freaking die!!!!
Sorry I am EXTRA angry the last few days. But I think it’s good because I have not been this angry before. I’ve been livid, but always forgave, or justified, and returned. Not this time.
Also, I spent $1400 on airline tickets to visit him after he said he’d changed and wanted to get married and all this other bs. When I showed up, he didn’t answer his door, so I had to sleep on his porch until a friend of his came to pick me up. The next day I went to see him (thinking maybe he fell asleep and didn’t hear the door or some other ridiculous scenario) and he was leaving with this woman who he had told me he had left bc she wasn’t right for him and blah blah blah. WHY THE HELL would you tell me to come visit you, and then have your other girlfiend over. I cannot believe I still went back to him after all of this, bc he was somehow able to turn the whole thing around and have me doubting myself and giving him the benefit of the doubt. and oh SURPRISE, I moved across teh country (for a job in his city) and not two months later he is back with this other woman-out of the blue. IF he even ever left her. I hope his hair catches on fire.
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Done says:
Also, I’m so happy to have found this site because now that I am in this city 1200 miles away from all my friends, the only person I know is the S, his sister, and a few people that I work with. It’s very hard trying to get over this when everything here reminds me of him and I have no friends to take me out and drown my sorrows. I would just move back, but it cost $8K to move out here, and I absolutely LOVE my job and coworkers. I can’t believe out of all the cities in the world, I would get hired and have to move to this one where I was promptly sucked back in by the S. I am determined that he will not ruin my job, this city, or my life…but he is doing a dang good job of trying!
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Matt says:
Done:
I know well the anger at yourself and the S when he does something so reprehensible and obvious — right under your nose — and you still accepted it at face value. A memory that is indelibly burned into my brain was going up to a friend’s roof garden and seeing S stretched out on a lounge chair, shirt unbuttoned all the way, with some guy leaning over him.
The guy beat a hasty retreat. S’s bullshit excuse? I was drunk and hot and opened my shirt. And I accepted that excuse. I can’t decide who deserves to have an “S” branded on his forehead — S and the “S” would stand for sociopath or me and the “S” would stand for stupid.
I’m past the hair catching fire stage. I”ve decided the only thing a sociopath understands is dollars and cents. So, I’ve started letting all those creditors holding unsatisfied judgments against S know where he lives and where he works. I want them to attach every damned penny of his paycheck. That he will understand.
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Done says:
I guess the ‘S’ branding would be appropriate on many levels, bc after it’s done standing for stupid it could stand for smart for being here now.
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