I would report the dog lost/stolen and where it can be found. Tell the cops there is a microchip in the dog. When the dog is found, the S/his daughter is then going to have to (try) to explain why he has held onto the dog. He isn’t going to want the headache of trying to explain away a dog theft.

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So glad to hear you forced yourself along and did your best at the job interview. As long as we all continue to do that, new doors will open for us! Not always right away, but always eventually!!! And the fact that you were the 2nd contender out of hundreds and had great feedback about how well the interview went – IS AWESOME!!! And I chuckled when I read “Wow! if I can do that when I am half dead with a depression and in a fog of emotional agony…what cant I do? Those are definitely words to live by…
WHAT CANT I DO!!!!

Im glad you received some additional validation that your self-trust and self-awareness is SPOT ON – that you were with a creep! And you raise an interesting point…alot of these jerks slime into peoples lives simply by ASSOCIATION…we somehow are somewhat conditioned to let people in more easily or quickly if they are “a friend of a friend”…Ive LEARNED that every person needs to EARN my trust, respect and love. They wear the mask with others, let is slip with some, basically just keep twisting and turning until eventually found out!

It IS really challenging Blueskies to wrap our heads around the DEPTH of their deceptions and their way of life. I still struggle with labeling my xtox (although I have run the gamet from Evil to crazy to lost soul to sickminded to selfish to damaged)…in the end it doesnt really matter…because he simply was not a good person to me or for me. My happiness was terribly affected by my relationship with him. And yes it does make sense that you realize any contact with them equates to pleasurable gain on their part – because it really is just a game to them – life and others – thats all they know to do — play games.

I contend he brought out the best and worst in me. Something I actually believe I needed to see and learn, if you will. To take away from…and learn and grow and focus on my best…and work on, change, improve my worst. (low-self esteem, low self-respect, no self-love). I am able to be thankful for the experience in that once I got over the initial shock, the initial loss, pain, anger, FRUSTRATION, confusion, ACCEPTANCE that he is who he is and I am who I am…AND WE EACH had our own CHIT (afterall dont we all)…the difference is he is stuck in his ways for life…I really really wanted to learn and grow and protect myself from ever falling victim to and in love with a BAD MAN again.

Dont get me wrong, I am clearly aware that he had his mask on when we met and I had my heart on my sleeve when we met. That makes him responsible for misrepresenting who he really was. But what was more important to me was once I knew, once I saw the flags, once I became aware there were others, and once I was on to his chronic job losses/changes, and needing to borrow money, and making my head spin…I began to misrepresent who I truly was …by staying. Of course I didnt know any better, because I just wanted to fix him, fix it, help him, make it like it was in the beginning (but he was a lie in the beginning!).. I slowly spiraled down essentially chasing my own tail trying to keep us afloat. Thats what they hope for…thats what they do. Once I sorted it out, I didnt need anyones validation..I knew… I knew he was an unhealthy person who would never consider taking the time to sit down and think about his past or his path of destruction… whether he was born that way or suffered a terrible childhood…is now irrelevant…what is relevant is his bad choices he makes day to day. And the better choices I now make for myself and my life. I no longer live thinking if only i could help him or do this or do that. I live with the awareness that he is not a good soul for me in my life. period. the end.

Also, I MUST add that alot of my own personal work was for me to focus on myself, my childhood, the early years and feelings of my life..that I blocked off. Literally coped by choosing to not remember or feel anything all those years. It caused me to be able to cope and “get through” life as best I could but it also caused me a greater price of not having or feeling any self-respect, self-love, self-trust esp. when in the presence of toxic people.

Lastly, I had set backs, I had lapses…go easy on yourself if you experience any. Sometimes there are reasons beyond our imminent understanding as to why we fall…BUT ALL THAT MATTERS IS THAT WE GET BACK UP AGAIN AND GO FORWARD EVEN MORE STRONGER AND WITH A STRONGER DESIRE TO FIND OURSELVES AGAIN…OR RECREATE OURSELVES NOW. AND NEVER LET ONE PERSON (ESP. A BAD PERSON) BE THE REASON WE LET GO OF OUR OWN LIFE…WHEN IN FACT ALL WE NEED TO DO IS LET GO OF THEM..OR LET THEM GO ON MAKING BAD CHOICES WITHOUT US AROUND.

AS LONG AS YOU ARE GOING FORWARD, AT ANY PACE, IT IS A STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION. DONT GO BACK TO DYSFUNCTION. CREATE YOUR OWN LIFE WITH PEACE AND HAPPINESS. ITS IN THE PALM OF YOUR HANDS. JUST BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AGAIN!!!

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I”m not sure if I have properly welcomed you yet, I have CRS (can’t remember shit!) LOL but if not, I want to welcome you, and if I have, you are STILL welcome here! LOL

Yes, I occasionally BOINK someone on the head with my cyber iron skillet (there is a real iron skillet, but I cook my corn bread in it) but never ever intend to hurt a soul here. We have all been wounded. I am glad that you are on the ROAD TO HEALING though, and it is a journey, not a destination.

You talked about never going backwards, but sometimes we do, just like someone trying to quit booze, and they may have a drink, (which is a backwards move) but they must then get back on the road and keep on moving toward healing and recovery. I’ve taken many wrong turns on the road to healing, fallen into pits, broken my emotional legs tripping over rocks in the road, but whatever you do, whatever happens on that road, whatever wrong turns you make, stay there on that road…..stay HERE at love fraud, where you are VALIDATED, where you have friends who will console you, not criticize you, and where you will be supported and comforted and believed!!!!

Your contact with evil, and THAT IS WHAT IT WAS, may not be believed by some of your friends, because they don’t want to think that they too might come into contact with true EVIL, it is much more comforting for them to think that they are immune from this…..but WE know….but the best thing about it all, even with the pain, is that we are innoculated from another infection from a deep attachment to this kind of evil. By learning the signs and red flags, we can get away from the evil ones before they hook us. I’m so glad you are here and feeling strong enough to post and share with us! You have accomplished a great deal already! (((hugs)))))

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It is my third boost of the last couple of days!

On Wednesday – I went for a job interview, my first in a long time. a slightly higher position than I have been in before. I felt like a gibbering wreck. I left my old job of 5 years at Christmas, I wasn’t coping with what was going on in my life with the creep, feeling so bad about my abilities,and was at the same time trying to set up a freelance consultancy, (this was something actively encouraged by the creep, who then promptly dumped me – but I cant blame him completely for my failure to succeed in my endeavour so far or the decision to leave work, my depression and confusion has a lot to do with it: I blame him by proxy:) I am now completely broke and about to loose my home, anyway, so to cut a long story short, the way I feel I can barely leave the house, but I forced myself along, did my best. I didn’t get the job BUT was the second contender out of hundreds and had some REALLY great and enthusiastic feedback about how great I had been! Wow! If I can do that when I am half dead with depression and in a fog of emotional agony…what cant I do? Boost!

Then I finally had some validation from a friend of both the creep and myself about what has been going on. People have discussed it with me, but they dont really get it… I felt so isolated in feeling that this man is a sp, I feel so often that maybe it WAS just me… and the creep did a real nice hatchet job on this friend, someone I have loved for years, in order to isolate us from each other, (actually my red flag ignoring was often tied in with the fact that they had been friends for years, he couldn’t be as bad as my gut was telling me if my lovely good kind friend who cares for me had been so close to him for years)To have recognition of the DEPTH of this person’s disturbed mind, his corrupt behaviours and evil intent towards those who care for him,and that it is not ‘new’, or especially for me, from someone else who actually new him well is like a weight being lifted! Not that I get pleasure from the damage he caused there (and again I have no doubt he would try to do more given a chink of a chance – i fear I may have given him one during my recent slip into contact) too. does that make sense?

Its odd because I KNOW the creep is evil in my heart of hearts, of course I do, but I NEEDED to properly believe it. And I NEED to keep reminding myself that evil IS the right word, and not some over emotional exaggeration because I am a ‘woman scorned’.Put him in the box marked ‘evil’ and turn my back on it. walk away.

This friend has completely shut him out, he is ‘persona non grata’ – COMPLETELY ( was pissed off about even having to think about him again in order to write to me, I certainly wont bother him again with it, just concentrate on trying to rebuild a loving trusting relationship with him) – that in itself is a massive inspiration. If this person can be firmly NC and concentrate on the REALLY Important things in his life after the MASSIVE hurt – then I have NO excuse!I have just as many good things to concentrate on… even if I forgot. To not do the same WOULD be masochistic and selfish. Is it finally sinking in for me?… I hope so… I and none of my friends deserve to be exposed to anything further by another lapse of mine into contact with evil.

Then I come here and I have LTL cheer leading for my little accomplishments!

I must now hold on to these boosts and continue to shuffle slowly forward. NEVER again take a step back….even if I don’t move for a while:)

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Im SO happy for you that you that you went to your GP about getting some additional support to help you get past this!

And btw you write very intelligently and offer alot of good advice and support. Do you know about our “boinking” rule here at LF, have you happened to come across any “boinking” incidents in Oxy’s post…if not go check Henry’s – he is the LF Posterchild for most amount of boinks and most progress as well because of it! We must remember to be positive about ourselves and not so hard on ourselves. Im not going to boink you because you just are feeling as though you are in a good place right now…but your intelligent writings and good advice are seen across the board here at LF! Please keep sharing…

And Ive heard about the Moodgym before.. or something that sound so similar to it and the benefits from it….thank you so much for that link..

You are on the right track, you are taking care of yourself and doing all the hard work. I hope you are feeling a little lighter today and that each passing day brings more strength and happiness to you.

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If I told you that what you are experiencing is your feelings..strong and true…but what you are yet to experience is whats underneath and inside waiting for you to sort it out… YOU. I gave everything I had to him, I gave my all…when I tell you I thought I had met my soul mate…I really thought I did. Problem was he never clued me in that he was my deadbeat loser mate!! And I didnt have a clue that I was in no position to be ready to meet and welcome a soul mate into my world (thankfully it wasnt him)…but as many issues as he had…I had some too…together we were a revolving door, never ending cycles of bad patterns and ultimately we both were a mess together or apart.

It wasnt until I took a stand with myself for myself and declared an end to the turmoil and negativity and saddness within, that I could begin to move on and continue to learn and grow. But I had to go through months and months and months of self-questioning, self-doubting, self-loathing, self-shame, etcc… until I learned about all the other SELF things I SHOULD BE DOING to help mySELF heal.

SELF LOVE – if you are like me, you have never truly been loved…until you learn to love yourself. I didnt grasp the power and magnitude of those two words until I was 41! But better late than never.

Youve had to go through alot, we all have in our way, and wishing you had never been born means you are fairly burdened down with some heavy painful feelings…ones that need to be addressed or shared…or both…share some more here to lighten your burden…thats what I did …it helps Tilly and also do as so many of us have done and see your doctor about discussing if an antidepressant can help you get over this hurdle..

Nothing or noone is worth feeling that way about yourself. We have all gone through it, but I just want you to know there is more to you waiting inside to learn and grow. How do I know? Because if anyone ever thought there wasnt anything left inside of me…it was me…and I know God blesses us all with an inner spirit that is always ready willing and able to learn and grow when we embrace and love ourselves. You can do this Tilly. Peace and prayers and strength for you!!!!!!

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