Comments on: After the sociopath: How do we heal? Part 7-Letting Go http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/03/29/after-the-sociopath-how-do-we-heal-part-7-letting-go/ Wake up to the danger of sociopaths Wed, 08 Feb 2012 07:17:13 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Stargazer http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/03/29/after-the-sociopath-how-do-we-heal-part-7-letting-go/comment-page-6/#comment-129563 Stargazer Sat, 16 Jul 2011 03:43:19 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/03/29/after-the-sociopath-how-do-we-heal-part-7-letting-go/#comment-129563 One step, I think of people like who you described as "muses". In a way, the guy here in Denver who is very deep is like a muse for me. He brings out the side of me that wants to make a difference in the world. It is because of who he is as a person and the deep compassion he seems to have for others. However, now that this part has been activated, I find that I can continue to cultivate it, without his influence. I don't think anyone has ever influenced me in this way. When I'm around him I start fantasizing about working with him with troubled teens, trying to reach them before they hit the prison system and become institutionalized. That is his dream, but it could also easily become my dream too. I can see the two of us taking in and reparenting abused kids. Different people bring out so many different sides of me. The guy in ABQ draws out my really playful side. He is pure play. He is so silly. And he laughs a lot. But he seems to have had an interesting life, having come here from China 14 years ago. We haven't gotten too deep in our conversation yet, and I really savor the process of getting to know him. He does not wear his heart on his sleeve like the other guy. He is silly and goofy, and I love that. I find, especially with the first guy, I can "wear" his dream for a while and see what it feels like. Is it a dream I can participate in or support? Is this the influence I want to have in my life? I can also easily go the other way and live a hedonistic life in Costa Rica, helping no one. After all, who really has ever helped me? The ABQ guy's influence on me (because he is very active and adventurous) is to want to travel with him and show him what I love about Costa Rica. Also, he could take me kayaking, which he likes to do. I think our time together could be really fun and adventurous. That would be great too! If I had to make a choice of all the men in my life right now, I'd have a hard time choosing. So for now I choose to remain right here, in the precise center of my life. Not making any big decisions, not even knowing whether I ever want to commit to another man again. I rather like the place I'm in. I think I'll just enjoy it for a while. My one fear is that I cannot juggle too many men for very long and not either hurt them or lose them, which will hurt me. So it's a learning process for me. I've never done circular dating before, and I'm not sure what to do when things start progressing with more than one person. One step, I think of people like who you described as “muses”. In a way, the guy here in Denver who is very deep is like a muse for me. He brings out the side of me that wants to make a difference in the world. It is because of who he is as a person and the deep compassion he seems to have for others. However, now that this part has been activated, I find that I can continue to cultivate it, without his influence. I don’t think anyone has ever influenced me in this way. When I’m around him I start fantasizing about working with him with troubled teens, trying to reach them before they hit the prison system and become institutionalized. That is his dream, but it could also easily become my dream too. I can see the two of us taking in and reparenting abused kids.

Different people bring out so many different sides of me. The guy in ABQ draws out my really playful side. He is pure play. He is so silly. And he laughs a lot. But he seems to have had an interesting life, having come here from China 14 years ago. We haven’t gotten too deep in our conversation yet, and I really savor the process of getting to know him. He does not wear his heart on his sleeve like the other guy. He is silly and goofy, and I love that.

I find, especially with the first guy, I can “wear” his dream for a while and see what it feels like. Is it a dream I can participate in or support? Is this the influence I want to have in my life? I can also easily go the other way and live a hedonistic life in Costa Rica, helping no one. After all, who really has ever helped me?

The ABQ guy’s influence on me (because he is very active and adventurous) is to want to travel with him and show him what I love about Costa Rica. Also, he could take me kayaking, which he likes to do. I think our time together could be really fun and adventurous. That would be great too! If I had to make a choice of all the men in my life right now, I’d have a hard time choosing. So for now I choose to remain right here, in the precise center of my life. Not making any big decisions, not even knowing whether I ever want to commit to another man again. I rather like the place I’m in. I think I’ll just enjoy it for a while. My one fear is that I cannot juggle too many men for very long and not either hurt them or lose them, which will hurt me. So it’s a learning process for me. I’ve never done circular dating before, and I’m not sure what to do when things start progressing with more than one person.

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]]> By: DUPED_IN_SOCAL http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/03/29/after-the-sociopath-how-do-we-heal-part-7-letting-go/comment-page-6/#comment-129540 DUPED_IN_SOCAL Sat, 16 Jul 2011 00:26:45 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/03/29/after-the-sociopath-how-do-we-heal-part-7-letting-go/#comment-129540 backintothelight says: Affirmation for the day: “I am willing to risk temporary discomfort for the rewards of a better life” -------------------------------------- Absolutely amazing words! Thanks backintothelight ~ xxoo Dupedster backintothelight says:

Affirmation for the day:
“I am willing to risk temporary discomfort for the rewards of a better life”

————————————–
Absolutely amazing words!
Thanks backintothelight ~ xxoo

Dupedster

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]]> By: one/joy_step_at_a_time http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/03/29/after-the-sociopath-how-do-we-heal-part-7-letting-go/comment-page-5/#comment-129526 one/joy_step_at_a_time Fri, 15 Jul 2011 23:27:44 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/03/29/after-the-sociopath-how-do-we-heal-part-7-letting-go/#comment-129526 Star - this is beautifully put; 'I know I have to make myself the center of my life and <i>not lean forward too much in any relationship</i>. ' no projection; I am a writer. the thing about the spath - she was the first time i felt at home. i felt at home because i was dealing with a 'storyteller' whose every word was made up. she drew out parts of me, that started to write their own story lives. if that makes any sense at all. it's still hard to write about in a str8t forward way.....but, what it comes down to is that i had the beginnings of a novel through being with 'him' - and it came from a part of me that the spath called forth. Star – this is beautifully put; ‘I know I have to make myself the center of my life and not lean forward too much in any relationship. ‘

no projection; I am a writer. the thing about the spath – she was the first time i felt at home. i felt at home because i was dealing with a ‘storyteller’ whose every word was made up. she drew out parts of me, that started to write their own story lives. if that makes any sense at all. it’s still hard to write about in a str8t forward way…..but, what it comes down to is that i had the beginnings of a novel through being with ‘him’ – and it came from a part of me that the spath called forth.

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]]> By: candy http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/03/29/after-the-sociopath-how-do-we-heal-part-7-letting-go/comment-page-5/#comment-129496 candy Fri, 15 Jul 2011 20:00:42 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/03/29/after-the-sociopath-how-do-we-heal-part-7-letting-go/#comment-129496 backintothelight - Yep, as Ox says one step each day. Think of it like planning/taking a holiday. We have to plan, book, cancel the milk, iron the clothes, pack the toothbrush, put petrol in the car etc etc and that's before we even GET on the plane. So it is with spath ....we have to work our way THROUGH all of the other stuff BEFORE we get to the 'holiday' backintothelight – Yep, as Ox says one step each day. Think of it like planning/taking a holiday.

We have to plan, book, cancel the milk, iron the clothes, pack the toothbrush, put petrol in the car etc etc and that’s before we even GET on the plane.

So it is with spath ….we have to work our way THROUGH all of the other stuff BEFORE we get to the ‘holiday’

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]]> By: Ox Drover http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/03/29/after-the-sociopath-how-do-we-heal-part-7-letting-go/comment-page-5/#comment-129493 Ox Drover Fri, 15 Jul 2011 19:37:23 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/03/29/after-the-sociopath-how-do-we-heal-part-7-letting-go/#comment-129493 Dear backintothelight, Your "Affirmation of the day" is GREAT---and a great idea. One of the things I did was to set a "goal" for an "improvement" of one sort or another that I would work on each week....that I would read about and try to incorporate into my living, behavior and thinking. GOOD IDEA!!!! One step forward each day! (((hugs))) Dear backintothelight,

Your “Affirmation of the day” is GREAT—and a great idea. One of the things I did was to set a “goal” for an “improvement” of one sort or another that I would work on each week….that I would read about and try to incorporate into my living, behavior and thinking.

GOOD IDEA!!!! One step forward each day! (((hugs)))

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]]> By: backintothelight http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/03/29/after-the-sociopath-how-do-we-heal-part-7-letting-go/comment-page-5/#comment-129476 backintothelight Fri, 15 Jul 2011 18:29:12 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/03/29/after-the-sociopath-how-do-we-heal-part-7-letting-go/#comment-129476 Affirmation for the day: "I am willing to risk temporary discomfort for the rewards of a better life" Affirmation for the day:
“I am willing to risk temporary discomfort for the rewards of a better life”

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]]> By: behind_blue_eyes http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/03/29/after-the-sociopath-how-do-we-heal-part-7-letting-go/comment-page-5/#comment-129459 behind_blue_eyes Fri, 15 Jul 2011 16:56:50 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/03/29/after-the-sociopath-how-do-we-heal-part-7-letting-go/#comment-129459 Stargazer; Nice post. I too have been dysthymic most of my adult life but I have learned to manage it thru taking care of myself. I have notice that when I slip into bad habits such as isolating, not exercising, allowing too much stress into my life, it creeps back. Fear does not keep me in; rather, lack of desire to do things. Its been a stressful month for me but those days recently when I stayed with my "healthy" routine, I am OK. I am still in the process of rebuild my life and I am trying to me patient. I know that I will be better 3 months from now, 6 months from now, one year from now... Stargazer;

Nice post. I too have been dysthymic most of my adult life but I have learned to manage it thru taking care of myself. I have notice that when I slip into bad habits such as isolating, not exercising, allowing too much stress into my life, it creeps back.

Fear does not keep me in; rather, lack of desire to do things. Its been a stressful month for me but those days recently when I stayed with my “healthy” routine, I am OK.

I am still in the process of rebuild my life and I am trying to me patient. I know that I will be better 3 months from now, 6 months from now, one year from now…

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]]> By: DUPED_IN_SOCAL http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/03/29/after-the-sociopath-how-do-we-heal-part-7-letting-go/comment-page-5/#comment-129452 DUPED_IN_SOCAL Fri, 15 Jul 2011 15:28:25 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/03/29/after-the-sociopath-how-do-we-heal-part-7-letting-go/#comment-129452 hens: a few days??? OH NO: full moon... Have to stock up on candles to ward off the vampires.... Have fun hens, whatever you will be doing. ((((Stargazer)))) I APPRECIATE YOU TOO! xxoo hens: a few days???

OH NO: full moon…
Have to stock up on candles to ward off the vampires….

Have fun hens, whatever you will be doing.

((((Stargazer))))

I APPRECIATE YOU TOO! xxoo

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]]> By: Stargazer http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/03/29/after-the-sociopath-how-do-we-heal-part-7-letting-go/comment-page-5/#comment-129449 Stargazer Fri, 15 Jul 2011 14:29:22 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/03/29/after-the-sociopath-how-do-we-heal-part-7-letting-go/#comment-129449 One joy, In your last post, you sound like a different person from when you first came here. But one thing that has been a constant - your wisdom and intelligence. Maybe I'm just projecting, but I really see you as a writer. You truly are a "joy", and you chose that name wisely. In keeping with the topic, I feel like a totally different person from when I first met the spath over three years ago. What a difference a few years makes. It has taken a lot of work, but also a lot of grace. I know I have to make myself the center of my life and not lean forward too much in any relationship. I know I cannot depend on a man to make me happy or pay my bills. But it has been really nice to let men back into my life. It feels exciting to have this energy back. Whereas I've always had a low level of depression (dysthymia) most of my life, I feel like I have a low level of excitement going on lately. I still have a fair amount of fear. But I am not going to let it run my life like I used to. At one time, I was so fearful I never left my house. I didn't work for years, because I could barely function. Finally at 50, I feel like a normal human being. It's taken 27 years since my first meditation retreat (which launched me on the spiritual path) to feel human again. 27 years! So for everyone struggling, don't ever give up on yourselves. Please. One joy,
In your last post, you sound like a different person from when you first came here. But one thing that has been a constant – your wisdom and intelligence. Maybe I’m just projecting, but I really see you as a writer. You truly are a “joy”, and you chose that name wisely.

In keeping with the topic, I feel like a totally different person from when I first met the spath over three years ago. What a difference a few years makes. It has taken a lot of work, but also a lot of grace. I know I have to make myself the center of my life and not lean forward too much in any relationship. I know I cannot depend on a man to make me happy or pay my bills. But it has been really nice to let men back into my life. It feels exciting to have this energy back. Whereas I’ve always had a low level of depression (dysthymia) most of my life, I feel like I have a low level of excitement going on lately. I still have a fair amount of fear. But I am not going to let it run my life like I used to. At one time, I was so fearful I never left my house. I didn’t work for years, because I could barely function. Finally at 50, I feel like a normal human being. It’s taken 27 years since my first meditation retreat (which launched me on the spiritual path) to feel human again. 27 years! So for everyone struggling, don’t ever give up on yourselves. Please.

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]]> By: hens http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/03/29/after-the-sociopath-how-do-we-heal-part-7-letting-go/comment-page-5/#comment-129446 hens Fri, 15 Jul 2011 13:31:52 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2009/03/29/after-the-sociopath-how-do-we-heal-part-7-letting-go/#comment-129446 The moon is gonna be big and bright all weekend, ya'll check it out...be back in a few days.... The moon is gonna be big and bright all weekend, ya’ll check it out…be back in a few days….

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