Entanglements with sociopaths always have consequences
PDF At a Christmas party on Saturday night, the conversation turned to hot water radiators. My husband, who is mechanically inclined, explained to a woman, who was trying to save money by conserving heat, how to bleed the air out of an old-style hot water heating system.
Eventually, the conversation revealed why the woman was trying to save money. She’d purchased an old farmhouse for her business. She secured a $150,000 construction loan to renovate the house and retained a contractor. The contractor insisted on installing the thermostat for the hot water heating system on a wall directly across from a wood burning stove. (For those of you who are not mechanically inclined, this is a really dumb idea.) The contractor also told the woman that she couldn’t insulate the farmhouse because moisture would create a mold problem. (This is true, but it is a problem that is readily solved, and insulating the house is a really good idea.)
Further conversation revealed that the contractor, who was president of some kind of historical building society, had not completed $70,000 worth of work for which he had been paid. The bank repeatedly came to inspect the job, bought the guy’s stories about why the work wasn’t done, and released the next installment of money. The farmhouse owner, of course, signed off on all the payments.
At one point a bank representative asked the farmhouse owner, “Are you sure about this guy?”
“Oh, he’s fine,” she replied. “He’s the president of the historical building society.”
The contractor hasn’t paid the subcontractors, and they’re demanding their money from the farmhouse owner. She hired a lawyer, who went along with a plan suggested by the contractor’s lawyer, which was useless. So now the woman is trying to save her home and her business. Plus, she’s cold.
“Sounds like you’re dealing with a sociopath,” I said.
I don’t know if this woman has any good options. We suggested that she sue the bank, because the bank released the money. But she approved payments, so that may not work. She can’t afford another lawyer. As has happened to many of us who have dealt with sociopaths, she may be stuck holding the bag.
Fort Dix Five
This woman may suffer terrible financial losses. But others involved with sociopaths lose much more.
A few weeks ago, in The con man, the thug and the jihadists, I wrote about the five young Muslim men who were on trial for plotting a terrorist attack against U.S. soldiers at Fort Dix, New Jersey. Most of the prosecution’s case was based on conversations secretly recorded by an informant, an illegal immigrant from Egypt, who was paid $240,000 by the FBI.
I predicted that the jury would see that the informant was a con man who manipulated the young men. I predicted that the defendants would walk. I was wrong.
The five young Muslims were convicted of conspiring to kill military personnel. They were acquitted of the more serious charge of attempted murder because they didn’t actually do anything. Still, they all face life in prison.
Yes, they did go to a shooting range in the Pocono Mountains of Pennsylvania, shot at targets and shouted “Allahu Akbar,” or “God is great.” They videotaped themselves doing this and brought the tape to a Circuit City store to be converted to DVD. One of them also downloaded violent jihadist videos from the Internet.
But would they have actually have gone any further? Would they have even discussed plans, which were nothing more than vague, wild ideas, if they hadn’t been goaded on by the sociopath, who was being paid to keep them talking?
I know how convincing sociopaths can be, so I don’t think they would have done anything without his encouragement. But I wasn’t on the jury, and the people who were apparently don’t understand sociopaths. So the young Muslims were left holding the bag. They may spend the rest of their lives in prison.
For his efforts, the con man informant, who was twice convicted of bank fraud, was promised legal residency in the United States, courtesy of our Justice Department.
Education is key
The consequences of entanglements with sociopaths are always negative, ranging in scale from unpleasant to deadly.
That’s why Lovefraud’s mission is to educate people about sociopaths. Right now, most people find Lovefraud because they’re already entangled with a sociopath and facing the consequences. We’ll soon announce a new initiative to help people cope with what has happened to them.
But eventually we hope to have programs to educate people about this personality disorder and the red flags of sociopathic behavior. Our goal is to help people escape the terrible consequences by avoiding the predators in the first place.
written by Donna Andersen • Permalink •
one_step_at_a_time says:
the problem is that pyscho and homo both end with ‘o’ ….i think they get confused.
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ErinBrock says:
What…. is this I’ll show you mine if you show me yours deal kimmie…..
Dang….we are gonna have to watch her at the convention folks…….
She’s the wild one…..I just know it!!!!!
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one_step_at_a_time says:
s’oky hens, i thought mine was a BOY! snort!
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ErinBrock says:
I wonder how many trolls would show up……
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kim frederick says:
I’ve already confessed that I’m learning self love….
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one_step_at_a_time says:
kim – LOL!
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ErinBrock says:
We’d have to put OXY and son at the gate for security….
If she wore her feathers and had plenty of bull scrotums defrosted….I don’t think a S would WANT to crash our party….
Maybe Star could bring her snake…..(for pictures).
Oh yeah….I could bring Holly!!! duhhh!
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one_step_at_a_time says:
hens – choctaw and anishanabe – both silver haired – we’d make great babies…in a petrie dish…
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geminigirl says:
I think you guys either need a Quaalude or a cup of herbal tea!or maybe a cake with green flakes on it!Nite nite all! love,gemXX
I heard a naughty one the other day,–
“Back off, buster, a boner in the back does NOT qualify as foreplay!”
Now you KNOW Im as bad to the bone as you all are!
Love, gem.XX
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ErinBrock says:
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I’ve never heard that…..
Sheat…..someone get me from out under this rock……(literally)
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kim frederick says:
One-step, do you think you’ll both fit ina petre dish?
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hens says:
silver haired people have no business makin babies – pee tree dish or otherwise – they forget where they put them..
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one_step_at_a_time says:
EB – i’ll stand with Oxy, by her own admission she isn’t good at spotting them. I’ll spot and them can whack them.
i am going to get more active in reporting them when i see them. i am always trying to give the benefit of the doubt, as so many of us come really confused and angry…but people who direct it at lf members..if there is even an edge of that…they are trouble, and if i could crawl through the screen and throttle them i would.
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ErinBrock says:
Gem….we might just have to put security on YOU too!
Lmao
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one_step_at_a_time says:
hesn- bares repeating
i would never lose a baby…a spouse, pehaps
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one_step_at_a_time says:
Kim – if we balance on the edge – knda like cats using toilet.
okay, that sounded gross.
no offense hens i think we’d probaly be happier than pigs in poo.
we both like to be outside and feel nature deep in our bones. and i would push/ support you until you published some of your ‘playing around with words’
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one_step_at_a_time says:
here, as in online, or on earth?
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ErinBrock says:
My patience is definately erroring on the side of NO BENEFIT OF DOUBT……
I don’t want to wast my time being nice to anyone I question….It’s something that has definatley changed in me!
I get reved up to fight an S easily….if you mess with me…YOUR GONNA REGRET IT!!!!
Proly not such a great quality……
I’m a S mercenary!!
But, I gota admit…..I crack up when I see the S or hear about the S still harping about me…..to women he’s trying to whoo……what a BIATCH I am!!!
Well…..Yeah…..what’ll you think you get when your exposed after 28 years????
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ErinBrock says:
Maybe i’m making up for lost time…..
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kim frederick says:
EB, I feel that way too. Do you think they come here and create charactors/
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one_step_at_a_time says:
eb – i watched you deal with her, and i saw that you called it, but for an impatient woman you dealt with her evenly.
i have been cautious – although i have often hit the abuse button.
there is such a possibility to trip into pack mentality, and i am very aware of that. i would hate it if i challenges someone who was st8t up.
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ErinBrock says:
YEP!!!
But….I think we can seeem….
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kim frederick says:
Okay all. I have had my share of wine and am sleepy. I wish you all good sleep and will see you tomorrow.
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one_step_at_a_time says:
KIM _ ABSO*******LUTELY!
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one_step_at_a_time says:
HENS- what do you think you do that would get you banned?
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one_step_at_a_time says:
goodnight Kim! sleep tight.
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kim frederick says:
EB, I thought so too. Big Gut feeling….but sooafraid to hurt somebodys feelings…especially somebody that caring, thoughtful and kind….
I’m glad I wasn’t going nuts. Thanks.
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one_step_at_a_time says:
one step
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kim frederick says:
I think Gem was talking about Tilly…Remember?
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ErinBrock says:
it’s just practice.
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ErinBrock says:
I don’t know about banned….but sure disappeared quick…..poof.
dellleete.
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one_step_at_a_time says:
i think real life might be a quicker spot….
a lot of my spath experience was online. between that and what i have learned here – i am particularly atuned to the pity play, mixed with the ME ME ME. and when i see that mixed with a little agression, it speaks to me.
I also a very attuned to the fact that ‘wierd hides odd’ wha ti mean by that is, the MORE exotic a persons story is, the more easily it is to focus on that and not on the BS that is really going on – if you stripped away the exotic.
my psath was MPD, an ASPIE and a kinky boy – um, no she was a spath….
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ErinBrock says:
When it comes to s’s….I am just SO Feisty now.
It’s like the mamma bear comes out in me!
Hopefully when I have enough time between now and then…./them….I will mellow….
But i just want BLOOD from the s….AND the 2 business s’s….and I:”LL GET IT!
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one_step_at_a_time says:
deeelleeete
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ErinBrock says:
I have never thought of that….
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one_step_at_a_time says:
EB – i hear you saying this a lot – so i think you are about to change in this regard…not sure if that means holly gets to be called holly in public, of if she will start carrying an uzzi under her bandana.
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ErinBrock says:
See the S ex still claims to be hetro…..and would NEVER cop to being gay…..
THAT is what I find sick……if your bi…fine….
if your gay…..fine…..
BUT if your claiming hetro….you can’t decieve women by living a lie….THAT YOU ARE AWARE OF….
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ErinBrock says:
I think for the next few months it might be the oozy option!
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one_step_at_a_time says:
i am so glad of what i have learned by coming out as a lesbian and as a feminist – because i have to use that knowledge NOW.
with having been spathed.
being spathed is something that preoccupies me right now, shapes me, and is not socially acceptable. i know i need to find allies, i know i need the protection of friends, i know that ultimately i can stand UP for myself and finally integrate in a way that no one can f**k me around about it.
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one_step_at_a_time says:
hens – as i get older, I get more conservative. and not so ready to fight, and more believing in my right to take up space as a citizen – but having spent 18 years alone, i found being with someone and having to deal with being stared at when i was with my girlfriend on the street really threw me. it’s like we sign up for NO PRIVACY and abuse…and all i signed up for was loving someone.
it’s complicated to live gay. people have no idea at the damages we endure and we end up dysfunctional regardless of heroic effort.
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ErinBrock says:
Oh, holy moly……he WENT BALISTIC……….
Well….NOW i know why…..
As long as you go into evertything meaning no harm…..you can’t control what/how others take anything…..so don’t worry about it.
REALLY!!!
I’m glad your YOU Hens….your a wonderful soul….and I really enjoy you!!!
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one_step_at_a_time says:
‘they don’t have the emotions to choose a label ‘ this is a good clear statement that should become part of our lexicon on lf!
now – mine couldn’t choose a gender….snort….
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ErinBrock says:
Priceless!
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ErinBrock says:
LMAO…..THAT IS pretty bad One……
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one_step_at_a_time says:
speaking of mine…..
i have almost everything in place now. just a few more days and the stage will be set to reveal her.
i have made huge strides in the last week. it’s been a dark and sometimes scary time – but i am moving forward.
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one_step_at_a_time says:
EB – it’s terribly uncouth – that’s why I like it
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one_step_at_a_time says:
hens – GREAT reply!!!!
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one_step_at_a_time says:
?
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ErinBrock says:
Nighty night hens…..glad we could hang tonight…..think of that party….dude ya gotta lot of arranging to do!
XXOO
EB
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one_step_at_a_time says:
EB – i always read it as ‘celebrate lesbian’
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