Comments on: After the sociopath, learning to trust again http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2008/12/08/after-the-sociopath-learning-to-trust-again/ Wake up to the danger of sociopaths Wed, 08 Feb 2012 07:17:13 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: aussiegirl http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2008/12/08/after-the-sociopath-learning-to-trust-again/comment-page-6/#comment-99280 aussiegirl Fri, 31 Dec 2010 03:52:23 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2008/12/08/after-the-sociopath-learning-to-trust-again/#comment-99280 Deceived - Mine picked up his current "Mrs Spath" from an online dating site. She still has no idea what she is in for - he's at the love-bombing stage with her. He was trollling on sites throughout our marriage while pretending to me that he was "computer illiterate". Yeah, right. We had a computer but I refused to have the internet because he had confessed (AFTER I was already in a relationshit with him) to a track record of porn addiction and because my stepson (his child, who lived with us) had major personality and mental issues - including overt displays of sexual inappropriateness. I knew that in our particular circumstances, the net was a bad choice. I used it at work or the library when I needed to. I had no idea (until a long time after our separation almost 4 years back) about "wireless modems" or that you could have internet access without actually being signed up to a plan through a telecommunications company. I have only begun to use a wireless modem myself in the past 2 years - prior to that I had no idea that the hard-drive on my computer could be filled with deleted "history" of his visits to dating and porn sites. Yuk, yuk, yuk!!!! Deceived -

Mine picked up his current “Mrs Spath” from an online dating site. She still has no idea what she is in for – he’s at the love-bombing stage with her.

He was trollling on sites throughout our marriage while pretending to me that he was “computer illiterate”. Yeah, right. We had a computer but I refused to have the internet because he had confessed (AFTER I was already in a relationshit with him) to a track record of porn addiction and because my stepson (his child, who lived with us) had major personality and mental issues – including overt displays of sexual inappropriateness.

I knew that in our particular circumstances, the net was a bad choice. I used it at work or the library when I needed to. I had no idea (until a long time after our separation almost 4 years back) about “wireless modems” or that you could have internet access without actually being signed up to a plan through a telecommunications company.

I have only begun to use a wireless modem myself in the past 2 years – prior to that I had no idea that the hard-drive on my computer could be filled with deleted “history” of his visits to dating and porn sites. Yuk, yuk, yuk!!!!

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]]> By: Deceived http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2008/12/08/after-the-sociopath-learning-to-trust-again/comment-page-6/#comment-99233 Deceived Thu, 30 Dec 2010 23:00:07 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2008/12/08/after-the-sociopath-learning-to-trust-again/#comment-99233 Ox, Eva, Candy and Lesson Learned - thank you for your feedback. You are right...meeting people online is dangerous. That is where I met the ex and how I ended up on this site. I had no idea how many men out there are like "the" ex and how many women have been victimized and fallen prey to these despicable con artists. Stumbling upon this site opened my eyes to the reality of how much THEY are out there. What a frightening thought. Ox, Eva, Candy and Lesson Learned – thank you for your feedback. You are right…meeting people online is dangerous. That is where I met the ex and how I ended up on this site. I had no idea how many men out there are like “the” ex and how many women have been victimized and fallen prey to these despicable con artists. Stumbling upon this site opened my eyes to the reality of how much THEY are out there. What a frightening thought.

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]]> By: lesson learned http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2008/12/08/after-the-sociopath-learning-to-trust-again/comment-page-6/#comment-99010 lesson learned Wed, 29 Dec 2010 17:51:57 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2008/12/08/after-the-sociopath-learning-to-trust-again/#comment-99010 Just chiming in on this one. ExSpath is currently trolling Chemistry. A sister of match. Lovely. He's divorced with a bachelor's degree and a job he's had for twenty five years. Sounds great, doesn't it? Whatever!!! Two divorces, a long held nine year affair during his second seventeen year marriage. Probably more from what I'm now learning. Not to mention the massive debt he is in (now trolling women for money), paying out heaps in child support, has joint custody of his children and is a HORRIBLE father to his children, uses them to create drama with his ex. Spends money compulsively (wonder where he gets its with all the debt?), yep, sounds like LOTS of fun to me!! LOL! Just because the OUTSIDE looks good, actually makes them MORE dangerous because they know how to present themselves. And that's all lie too. Most of the profiles are filled with lies, with truths here and there. Dating sites are extremely dangerous. And I would NOT advocate that as a source of "fishing" if you will. Just chiming in on this one.

ExSpath is currently trolling Chemistry. A sister of match. Lovely. He’s divorced with a bachelor’s degree and a job he’s had for twenty five years. Sounds great, doesn’t it? Whatever!!! Two divorces, a long held nine year affair during his second seventeen year marriage. Probably more from what I’m now learning. Not to mention the massive debt he is in (now trolling women for money), paying out heaps in child support, has joint custody of his children and is a HORRIBLE father to his children, uses them to create drama with his ex. Spends money compulsively (wonder where he gets its with all the debt?), yep, sounds like LOTS of fun to me!! LOL!

Just because the OUTSIDE looks good, actually makes them MORE dangerous because they know how to present themselves. And that’s all lie too. Most of the profiles are filled with lies, with truths here and there.

Dating sites are extremely dangerous. And I would NOT advocate that as a source of “fishing” if you will.

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]]> By: candy http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2008/12/08/after-the-sociopath-learning-to-trust-again/comment-page-6/#comment-98997 candy Wed, 29 Dec 2010 17:02:04 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2008/12/08/after-the-sociopath-learning-to-trust-again/#comment-98997 Hi Deceived - ditto, met my spath on 'friends'. Prior to him I had chatted (nothing more) with a couple of people. One told me he was an ex police officer - yeah right (turned out he was married). Turned out another was married but wanted to meet for coffee - Derrr! Another who turned out to be a perv.....don't think that there ANY genuine guys/girls on there. They're ok just for a bit of a laugh/banter on line but nothing more. Why are they on those sites? Because they already have a woman/husband/partner in their life but they are looking for the next one. To them it's a safe way of dating - and it costs them nothing, they can woo you and not even have to buy you a cola! Keep your guard up. Odds are you're more likely to meet your ideal match at the checkout in your local supermarket. Hi Deceived – ditto, met my spath on ‘friends’.

Prior to him I had chatted (nothing more) with a couple of people. One told me he was an ex police officer – yeah right (turned out he was married). Turned out another was married but wanted to meet for coffee – Derrr! Another who turned out to be a perv…..don’t think that there ANY genuine guys/girls on there. They’re ok just for a bit of a laugh/banter on line but nothing more.

Why are they on those sites? Because they already have a woman/husband/partner in their life but they are looking for the next one. To them it’s a safe way of dating – and it costs them nothing, they can woo you and not even have to buy you a cola!

Keep your guard up.

Odds are you’re more likely to meet your ideal match at the checkout in your local supermarket.

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]]> By: Eva http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2008/12/08/after-the-sociopath-learning-to-trust-again/comment-page-6/#comment-98994 Eva Wed, 29 Dec 2010 16:31:58 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2008/12/08/after-the-sociopath-learning-to-trust-again/#comment-98994 Hi Deceived. As Oxy says to you to fish partners in the net is very risky. I met the psychopath in a site for learning languages, so imagine if they are in more "serious" and "neutral" places, imagine the quantity of them that must be in dating places! And they're not easy to spot at the beginning, they seem nice at the beginning, able to cross countries, etc. Be careful with the internet, it has a very useful-informative-formative side and sites like love fraud is just one example of the good side of the internet,but the internet is also the hunting field of nowadays predators because they know the net is full of weak people, weak for whatever reason, but the hunters are there prepared to exploit anybody who is not strong enough. Hi Deceived. As Oxy says to you to fish partners in the net is very risky. I met the psychopath in a site for learning languages, so imagine if they are in more “serious” and “neutral” places, imagine the quantity of them that must be in dating places! And they’re not easy to spot at the beginning, they seem nice at the beginning, able to cross countries, etc. Be careful with the internet, it has a very useful-informative-formative side and sites like love fraud is just one example of the good side of the internet,but the internet is also the hunting field of nowadays predators because they know the net is full of weak people, weak for whatever reason, but the hunters are there prepared to exploit anybody who is not strong enough.

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]]> By: Ox Drover http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2008/12/08/after-the-sociopath-learning-to-trust-again/comment-page-6/#comment-98990 Ox Drover Wed, 29 Dec 2010 16:02:57 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2008/12/08/after-the-sociopath-learning-to-trust-again/#comment-98990 Dear deceived, QUESTION: "Why do I keep attracting lairs and cheater" ANSWER: WE MET ON A DATING SITE. If you fish in the sewer you will catch turds. Internet dating sites are fishing holes for turds, with about an estimated 45% of men on them that are married or in relationships. AT a distance and through a computer screen, people can pretend to be anything they want to pretend. I know there are all these stories of people meeting on a dating site and having love forever, but of all the ones I know that met on a dating site 100% of them turned out to be CON JOBS or dysfunctional. My son C's "cyber bride" that tried to murder him was someone he met on the internet and married despite really not knowing her. Another friend of mine married one and then she refused to move in with him until he remodeled his house, but she was willing to take the new car he bought her and go back to her home in another state until he got the house fixed....he divorced her immediately but she still went and opened dozens of charge cards in his name and spent to the max. Believe me I know it is difficult to meet potential partners, but I think the internet dating sites are fishing in the sewer, you may come up with a prince but I think you are more likely to catch a turd. (((Hugs))) Dear deceived,

QUESTION: “Why do I keep attracting lairs and cheater”

ANSWER: WE MET ON A DATING SITE.

If you fish in the sewer you will catch turds. Internet dating sites are fishing holes for turds, with about an estimated 45% of men on them that are married or in relationships.

AT a distance and through a computer screen, people can pretend to be anything they want to pretend. I know there are all these stories of people meeting on a dating site and having love forever, but of all the ones I know that met on a dating site 100% of them turned out to be CON JOBS or dysfunctional. My son C’s “cyber bride” that tried to murder him was someone he met on the internet and married despite really not knowing her. Another friend of mine married one and then she refused to move in with him until he remodeled his house, but she was willing to take the new car he bought her and go back to her home in another state until he got the house fixed….he divorced her immediately but she still went and opened dozens of charge cards in his name and spent to the max.

Believe me I know it is difficult to meet potential partners, but I think the internet dating sites are fishing in the sewer, you may come up with a prince but I think you are more likely to catch a turd. (((Hugs)))

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]]> By: Deceived http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2008/12/08/after-the-sociopath-learning-to-trust-again/comment-page-6/#comment-98974 Deceived Wed, 29 Dec 2010 06:52:11 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2008/12/08/after-the-sociopath-learning-to-trust-again/#comment-98974 Why do I keep attracting liars and cheaters? I went out with a guy 2 weeks ago. We met on a dating site. We exchanged e-mails for over a month before even talking on the phone. After that we met for dinner. Dinner was okay. He asked me out again but I decided not to go out with him again although I have questioned whether I made the right decision a few times. Tonight I got an e-mail from his e-mail address but it was signed by a woman and she wrote: "Hey, Just wanted to let you know that this person is married. Stay away!!!!!!!! Ann" This is the 2nd time this happened to me where a woman wrote me and told me this guy is married or is in a relationship. I am glad this woman reached out to me but why does this keep happening to me? What am I doing wrong? Are there really no men out there who tells the truth anymore? Is telling the truth a thing of the past now? This just reinforces my belief that I just cannot trust men!!! Why do I keep attracting liars and cheaters?

I went out with a guy 2 weeks ago. We met on a dating site. We exchanged e-mails for over a month before even talking on the phone. After that we met for dinner. Dinner was okay. He asked me out again but I decided not to go out with him again although I have questioned whether I made the right decision a few times.

Tonight I got an e-mail from his e-mail address but it was signed by a woman and she wrote:
“Hey, Just wanted to let you know that this person is married. Stay away!!!!!!!!
Ann”

This is the 2nd time this happened to me where a woman wrote me and told me this guy is married or is in a relationship. I am glad this woman reached out to me but why does this keep happening to me? What am I doing wrong? Are there really no men out there who tells the truth anymore? Is telling the truth a thing of the past now? This just reinforces my belief that I just cannot trust men!!!

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]]> By: Matt http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2008/12/08/after-the-sociopath-learning-to-trust-again/comment-page-6/#comment-22845 Matt Thu, 08 Jan 2009 04:01:46 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2008/12/08/after-the-sociopath-learning-to-trust-again/#comment-22845 Justbec: Welcome. I can so relate to your situation -- and I'm a gay man. But, as you learn on this site, gay, straight, the sociopath's playbook is always the same. For me I knew the end was drawing near when I finally realized that I couldn't walk on eggshells anymore. At that point I was ready to crack like an egg myself. Mine ex-S, like your's was extravagent -- always with my money of course. And even though I am very successful professionally and my S was not (and an ex-con to boot) he still always made me feel like I was nobody without him. And the accusation about being concerned about work and education -- that's a classic. Basically, he's turning your ambition to create a better life for yourself (and him, the lazy ass), but turning it against you because he's losing his control over you. See the movie "Educating Rita". You would really relate to it and see a lot of yourself reflected in it. My shrink always tells me that I have the rare ability to size up a person in 10 seconds. And I always could and it served me well in my profession. Something tells me that you will find a way to get that house for yourself and your kids. But, you're not going to do it until your S is out of your life. Sometimes we have to put our dreams to the side for a little bit to finish up old business. The fact you're on Lovefraud tells me you're taking the first steps to finish up that business. If you need something to think about to make things seem less bleak, start researching those housing programs without telling him. Knowledge is power. Get your plans in place to buy your place. When you're ready to make your move, dump his sorry ass and file for divorce. Then buy the house. Think how satisfying it will feel to know you showed him what you did while he was demolishing you and what you can do now that you aren't surrounded with his negativity. Justbec:

Welcome. I can so relate to your situation — and I’m a gay man. But, as you learn on this site, gay, straight, the sociopath’s playbook is always the same.

For me I knew the end was drawing near when I finally realized that I couldn’t walk on eggshells anymore. At that point I was ready to crack like an egg myself.

Mine ex-S, like your’s was extravagent — always with my money of course. And even though I am very successful professionally and my S was not (and an ex-con to boot) he still always made me feel like I was nobody without him.

And the accusation about being concerned about work and education — that’s a classic. Basically, he’s turning your ambition to create a better life for yourself (and him, the lazy ass), but turning it against you because he’s losing his control over you. See the movie “Educating Rita”. You would really relate to it and see a lot of yourself reflected in it.

My shrink always tells me that I have the rare ability to size up a person in 10 seconds. And I always could and it served me well in my profession. Something tells me that you will find a way to get that house for yourself and your kids. But, you’re not going to do it until your S is out of your life.

Sometimes we have to put our dreams to the side for a little bit to finish up old business. The fact you’re on Lovefraud tells me you’re taking the first steps to finish up that business.

If you need something to think about to make things seem less bleak, start researching those housing programs without telling him. Knowledge is power. Get your plans in place to buy your place. When you’re ready to make your move, dump his sorry ass and file for divorce. Then buy the house.

Think how satisfying it will feel to know you showed him what you did while he was demolishing you and what you can do now that you aren’t surrounded with his negativity.

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]]> By: Healing Heart http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2008/12/08/after-the-sociopath-learning-to-trust-again/comment-page-6/#comment-22830 Healing Heart Thu, 08 Jan 2009 00:55:04 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2008/12/08/after-the-sociopath-learning-to-trust-again/#comment-22830 Welcome JustBec! One of the things we have all been encouraging each other about here at LF is embracing the idea that we all DESERVE to have a happy life - we all deserve to take care of ourselves, make healthy choices for ourselves, and to love and take care of people who will reciprocate the love, respect, and kindess, we show them. And, importantly, the most critical relationship that we should just immerse and surround with light and love, is the relationship with ourselves. I just met you, justbec, but I know, for a fact, that you deserve a beautiful life with love, respect, and kindness. Welcome JustBec! One of the things we have all been encouraging each other about here at LF is embracing the idea that we all DESERVE to have a happy life – we all deserve to take care of ourselves, make healthy choices for ourselves, and to love and take care of people who will reciprocate the love, respect, and kindess, we show them. And, importantly, the most critical relationship that we should just immerse and surround with light and love, is the relationship with ourselves.

I just met you, justbec, but I know, for a fact, that you deserve a beautiful life with love, respect, and kindness.

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]]> By: justbec http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2008/12/08/after-the-sociopath-learning-to-trust-again/comment-page-6/#comment-22827 justbec Thu, 08 Jan 2009 00:42:54 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2008/12/08/after-the-sociopath-learning-to-trust-again/#comment-22827 Since I was 15 I lived and later married whom I now understand could be a sociopath. I have wondered why I was alwas stupid dumb f* mother* idiote etc. I have lived walking on egg shells. The only peace I get is when he is commenting on how hot a girl is or how that girl would easily sleep with him as he is genguinly a charmer. When we go out he extravegantly tips gets to know the managers and has bought birthday cakes for the managers. He tells me that this is the way its done"just like the italians do it". You have to greese the hand. He tells me that's why me with out him, I'm nobody. I have always been unassertive and eager to please. He also rubs his religion in my face. He says things like, the world is ending and all I care is about work and education. After he is done unloading his anger on me, lasting days at time. He'll say pimpy I love you I just want us to be happily married couple. Then he'll say that I have to be more amorous towards him and things will change. Its been 18 years now we have children. We still live with his mom, he won't move until I find a way of buying a house with some super free govt grant that I'm to lazy to find. Yea I've had it but with kids now my options seem bleeker. As I write this I'm feeling guilty as I will "bring bad" to our relationship if I write or discuss my feelings. I'm starting to feel a little less in touch with reality. This has been draining. Thanks for letting me post Since I was 15 I lived and later married whom I now understand could be a sociopath. I have wondered why I was alwas stupid dumb f* mother* idiote etc. I have lived walking on egg shells. The only peace I get is when he is commenting on how hot a girl is or how that girl would easily sleep with him as he is genguinly a charmer. When we go out he extravegantly tips gets to know the managers and has bought birthday cakes for the managers. He tells me that this is the way its done”just like the italians do it”. You have to greese the hand. He tells me that’s why me with out him, I’m nobody. I have always been unassertive and eager to please. He also rubs his religion in my face. He says things like, the world is ending and all I care is about work and education. After he is done unloading his anger on me, lasting days at time. He’ll say pimpy I love you I just want us to be happily married couple. Then he’ll say that I have to be more amorous towards him and things will change. Its been 18 years now we have children. We still live with his mom, he won’t move until I find a way of buying a house with some super free govt grant that I’m to lazy to find. Yea I’ve had it but with kids now my options seem bleeker. As I write this I’m feeling guilty as I will “bring bad” to our relationship if I write or discuss my feelings. I’m starting to feel a little less in touch with reality. This has been draining. Thanks for letting me post

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