The Single Most Powerful Signifier of Sociopathy
PDF What is the single most powerful signifier of sociopathy?
How about, lack of empathy?
I don’t think so.
As an isolated factor, I don’t think lack of empathy best nails the sociopath.
Many millions of people, after all, lack empathy and aren’t sociopaths. Also, exactly what constitutes empathy is a subject of some disagreement. Some LoveFraud members, in fact, question whether sociopaths even lack empathy (some asserting, to the contrary, that the sociopaths they’ve known have used their capacity for empathy to exploit them).
But the biggest problem with lack of empathy is its weakeness in explaining the single, truly best signifier of sociopathy—the characterological exploitiveness of the sociopath.
It is a high level of exploitiveness that most singularly exposes the sociopath.
Now exploitiveness is also associated with the narcissistic personality. For this reason extremely destructive (“malignant”) narcissists can be hard to distinguish from sociopaths. Still, a high level of exploitiveness is rarely the single best signifier of narcissistic personality disorder, whereas it is, I suggest, the best single indicator of sociopathy.
Why does lack of empathy fail to explain the sociopath’s exploitiveness? It fails because most people who lack empathy are not exploitive. Just consider the autistic spectrum disorders: Lack of empathy is commonly associated with these disorders, but exploitive behavior is not.
Now it is true that empathic individuals will generally be nonexploitive. Why? Because their empathy will prove a deterrent against exploitative impulses or ideas. Empathy, in other words, surely is a powerful deterrent against exploitation.
But in someone nonexploitative (someone, say, with Asperger’s Syndrome), empathy will not be needed for its deterrent effect. However, in someone inclined to exploitation, lack of empathy will be a missing deterrent in a situation where deterrence is urgent.
Effectively, the sociopath’s exploitive nature is undeterred by empathy, which is missing, thus liberating him to exploit. And it is the sociopath’s tendency, or compulsion, to exploit, I propose, that best characterizes his sociopathy.
I’d be remiss not to clarify my working definition of empathy. Empathy, as I use it, is an experience, or appreciation, of another’s experience that, depending on the situation, elicits a thoughtful, respectful, perhaps nurturing, but never exploitive, response.
While some sociopaths may possess an evolved capacity to read others’ vulnerabilities, this doesn’t make them empathic.
It is the particular response to someone’s vulnerability that indicates the presence of empathy, or exploitation. It is the particular response, or pattern of responses, to someone’s vulnerability that separates the empathic individual from the predator.
In this respect, I regard the sociopath as seriously, and given his exploitive personality, dangerously deficient in empathy.
What about his remorselessness? Certainly the sociopath’s remorselessness is quite notable and diagnostically significant. However, I would argue that the sociopath’s remorselessness is a byproduct not of his lack of empathy, but of his exploitive personality.
Many people who lack empathy are remorseful, for instance when informed that an action they took, or something they said, left someone else feeling damaged. They may struggle to relate emotionally (or even intellectually) to the effect their behavior had on the wounded party (their deficient empathy); but they are upset to learn that their action caused damage.
In other words, they feel remorseful even though their empathy is deficient.
However, exploitation and remorselessness go hand in hand. The essence of exploitation is the intentional violation of another’s vulnerability. The exploiter knows, on some level, that his behavior is exploitive.
By definition, the exploiter is grossly indifferent to the damaging effect of his behavior on his victim. All that matters is his perceived gain, his demanded, greedy satisfaction. There is indifference to the loss and damage to others resulting from his self-centered, aggressive behaviors.
This sounds a lot like callousness; and we recognize callousness as another of the sociopath’s telling qualities. But I would suggest, again, that the sociopath’s callousness derives not from his defective empathy, but rather from his characterological exploitiveness. Most people with deficits in empathy are not callous. On the other hand, the exploitive mentality will engender a callous perspective.
I discussed in a prior post the audacity of the sociopath. I suggested a correspondence between audacity and sociopathy. But here, too, we want to get the causality correct: audacity doesn’t make for sociopathy; but the exploitive mentality will make for staggering audacity.
(My use of “he” in this post is for convenience’s sake, not to suggest that men have a patent on sociopathy. This article is copyrighted (c) 2008 by Steve Becker, LCSW.)
written by Steve Becker, LCSW • Permalink •
Tilly says:
Henry.
“Sociopath’s are neither gay or straight – they will screw anything”
OMG that is so true! I have never heard that before..they will screw anything that moves…because they don’t have any feelings, just the lust. That is so funny! I really needed that insight! It explains a lot and helps to heal my messed up head after the weird “sex life” with the psychopath. Thankyou!
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awakening says:
okay cool. thanks. i am going to order that book right now. it would be such a gift if i could stop my destructive patterns with men.
it so weird because i can have great girlfriends, raised my son, thank god, not to be like me, own my own business(used to long story), you name it, not to sound high on myself as i am sure you can tell that is not the case but i am not bad to look at either, but romantic relationships, as hard as i try, i fail every time. it sucks because all i ever really wanted was a partner in life and i even tried women but i couldn’t do it. my business partner and best friend is gay so i have many friends and naturally they tell me to give up on men, couldn’t do it. see even with women i am screwed! agh! no pun intended.
think i can accept that i am not cut out for it and stick with other relationships but if i have a chance that would be a miracle so thanks i will order the book now!!!!
my good friend out here is single and older than me and poor thing she has had a few “s” i think too. maybe we are the ones left (not meaning you but me and her) the few women who are drawn to the n,p and s, are the ones left and i bet there are many more of then out there just waiting to strike their next victim. agh! hate them!
i hope we can find a way to keep them away from us. i pray the same for all of us!!!
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awakening says:
i wish we could hook up my p ex with another p and watch them destroy each other. that would make sense to me and karmic sense and even for the planet. they should be drawn to one another and self destruct the entire race of evil non-human souls.
oh well just a thought!
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learnthelesson says:
Awakening,
THANK YOU FOR SHARING. Wow….in less than a few weeks, I read my being in the immediate aftermath through GoodGriefs posts….and now I read my being during my relationship with my xtox through your post.
MY WOW MOMENTS….your no.1 and your no 2 above. Verabatum those were my words…those were my requests. Those were the things I thought I only needed to get through whatever was to be. I guess I sensed that I wasnt dealing with an honest person and I wasnt dealing with a respectful person….because I had never said those things to anyone else. Its just that when I met him I felt I wanted to/had to ?? Isnt that interesting… hmmmm…
I payed for him to, I helped him, at times he asked, at other times he just shared his “down on his luck storys” and I offered…
Awakening….Im sorry for all youve been through. Its a rude awakening on so many levels to find ourselves in the abusive cycle and to find that we cannot rely on our family beyond what they are willing to do/offer and that we question our own sanity after literally feeling ripped to shreds. Sometimes family and friends take the route of tough love…they just dont want to get involved, they dont understand, cant relate, feel you are an adult now and have to figure it out, etc… there are so many things in situations like these that just cannot be explained or understood.
For starters, take your dad up on the therapist. Where are you? I know of an amazing one in New York… but his fees are astronomical, and frankly, rightly so in my opinion after the success story I witnessed with a good friend of mine….I can also ask him for referrals for you general location.
Awakening, you are in fragile and delicate place right now. Youve been through hell and back. Its hard to know even how to be let alone who to be, or the way to be. The things you have shared resonates so much with me. I was abandoned as a child… you dont mention childhood except for Daddy issues….do you mean as in Daddys little girl??
Ive learned that it isnt whatever it is in your head about men stop destroying you. Ive learned ITS WHAT NOT YET IN OUR HEADS ABOUT RED FLAGS WITH MEN…ABOUT TOOLS TO PROTECT OURSELVES FROM THESE MEN/SITUATIONS…ABOUT FINDING FOR THE FIRST TIME OR ALL OVER AGAIN OUR SELF-TRUST (BELIEVING OURSELVES, LISTEN TO OUR GUT WHEN IT FEELS OFF OR WRONG OR WE HURT) OUR SELF-RESPECT (WHEN THEY DONT DO WHAT THEY SAY OR WHEN THEY PUT US DOWN OR WHEN THE ASK FOR MONEY) AND OUR SELF-EVERYTHING…IT ALL HAS TO BE LEARNED BY US AND THEN PUT INTO SOLID ACTION IN EVERYDAY LIVING.
IVE LEARNED NOBODY HAS TO BELIEVE ME. IVE LIVED MY TRUTH. I KNOW MY TRUTH. I DONT CARE IF NOBODY BELIEVES ME, I WONT LET THAT HURT ME ANY MORE. I TRUST MYSELF AND LOVE MYSELF ENOUGH TO KNOW I SPEAK MY TRUTH. THATS ALL THAT MATTERS.
WE KNOW HAVE TO PROTECT OURSELVES FROM ONES THAT ATTEMPT TO PURPOSELY ORCHESTRATE SITUATIONS TO ATTACK OUR VULNERABILITIES. WE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT WE DO, WHAT OUR CHOICES OUR. WE CANT BE RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT THEY DO…BUT WHAT WE CHOOSE TO DO IS TRULY ON US. SO WE MUST MAKE NEWFOUND WISE CHOICES WITH OUR LIVES. WE ARE NOT HERE TO PLEASE ANYONE, KEEP ANYONE, GIVE OUR BEST AWAY TO ANYONE AT THE COST OF OUR SELF-WORTH. WE NEED BOUNDARIES AND WE NEED TO UNDERSTAND OURSELVES AND WHAT ONLY WE CAN DO AND NEED TO DO TO PROTECT OURSELVES. INCLUDING SAYING NO. OR BACKING AWAY. OR CHANGING DIRECTION ALTOGETHER. NEED TO BECOME MORE AND MORE ABLE TO LEAVE, INSTEAD OF LESS AND LESS, BECAUSE WE WONT STICK AROUND AND ALLOW OURSELVES TO GET CAUGHT UP IN THE CYCLE OF ABUSE ANYLONGER.
YOUR POST WASNT LONG ENOUGH IN MY OPINION!! SHARE MORE WHEN YOU CAN! THANK YOU FOR SHARING! THINGS WILL GET BETTER FOR YOU..YOU ARE ON THE RIGHT TRACK..
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OxDrover says:
Dear Awakening,
First off, I am SO GLAD you found Lovefraud. Secondly, you were USED and Abused and like most (if not all of us here) were in a FOG about what was happening.
I know your folks probably don’t “get it” and possibly (just guessing here) they were trying to do “tough love” to get you to get some professional help. When we (victims) are in the FOG (fear, obligation and guilt) and can’t seem to break free from the psychopath, many times victims will RETURN to the psychopath even if they do escape. Matt’s suggestion of the Betrayal Bond is a perfect one for you. It was a perfect one for me too, and Matt says for him. Many people have seen that we are “addicted” to these people, bonded to them, just like an addict is to their “drug of choice”—the psychopaths we know are “bad fo rus” and yet we continually try to get back with them. I HOPE for your sake that your parents and sibs were exercising some “tough love” with you, and not just discounting your situation. My guess is that even if they are doing what they consider “tough love” they still don’t completely understand why you are so bonded to the psychopath.
If you are able to get their financial support to get some professional help, I strongly recommend that you do so. Just make sure that your counselor KNOWS, really knows, about psychopaths! (((hugs)))) and again, welcome to love fraud and read and read and read the articles here, especially the ones in the archives, it will answer most of your questions! Good luck!
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ErinBrockovich says:
Awakening:
THIS IS A GOOD TIME FOR YOU!!! You just don’t see it yet.
Girl….don’t give it a thought about the long postings….have you ever seen a short one from MOI?
We have a lot to get out…..write away girl….
Okay, so back to your situation. You do not need daddy to help you. You need you! YOu need strength and tenacity. You need will and perserverance. YOU MUST FIND THAT.
You will grow up during this process…you will not count on anyone else but yourself. You have already learned that you can’t.
I have told my kids……WE WALK THIS PATH ALONE WITH ONLY OUR SHADOWS!!!!
We go into adulthood feelilng we can always rely on our Best friends, parents, siblings etc….then something enters our lives and shows us…..”we only have our shadows”.
This is the cold harsh truth.
A restraining order is a simple process….there are advocates if you need one….but don’t let the system intimidate you…..
INFLATE YOUR BALLS and do it! You can do it!
You don’t have any other choice…..AND I WILL TELL YOU…..when people see your self reliance…..(daddy)…you might be surprised at his reaction. He might be pushing you from the nest to get you to learn these lessons? I don’t know….but nonetheless…..he’s not supporting you in the way YOU want. People just don’t.
Daddy may be looking at it as…..you make poor choices….which in this case, is true. But, unfortunately you were victimized. ON THE FLIP SIDE OF THAT……we ALL must take responsibility for our reality…..WE ALLOWED IT. For whatever reasons…..IT WAS OUR CHOICE TO PLAY ALONG.
This is the ‘hit’ we take. This is the example we show the ‘outside’ world (anyone other than ourselves)….people just don’t want to hear us cry victim….they want to see US act and learn from it.
Again….you can do it alone….YES, it sucks, doing it alone with all the emotional crap we deal with due to the betrayal etc…But you can do it.
I fought 2 strokes, dissected carotid artery and cancer, my S’s heightened antics and abuse, raising my kids, alienated from my family and support…. ALONE……and kicked my S’s ass in court!!!!!!! ALONE!!!!!!!!
You CAN DO IT!!!!
Take control, find a therapist, rely on us here, focus on yourself, not dating, not sex…..allow yourself to make mistakes (cuz your gonna anyways)…..and move full steam ahead in a direction YOU CHOOSE!
Your life and person will be so much better at the other end!!!
XXOO
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awakening says:
wow thank you so much you guys! i thought you would be annoyed at how long i carried on.
my daddy issues are complicated but basically i was the favorite, hero and the scape goat, always rebelling. i fought so hard not to let his control and power swallow me up, and i was a tough little thing but i failed. he was my higher power and i hated him at the same time. he was always at work and sent rules home through the secretary with lists from what time to eat, pray, etc to how much toilet paper we were allowed to use. it was “yes sir, no sir and far to strict. he hit us with the belt and humiliated us by making us go get it and come to him then he counted and actually laughed, thats sick. but at least he was controlled my mom wasn’t. one time my poor sister got her hear split open because mom threw her down onto a marble stair. it was bad. the public awareness made it worse and everyone was so afraid of my dad i wouldn’t even get dates because they were afraid of him and if i was 1 minute late, curtains. i ran away, got sent to shrinks, boarding school then pregnant, drug addiction, now this.
he is powerful and i feel sorry for him because i know it is a burden for him but he does it to hikmself. he has 8 siblings and takes care of them and he takes care of priests and commits to too many charitable things and work and politics, he is amazinly smart and no one can compete. he out does donald trump with his ethics and charitable work. he is hard to describe as he works people to their highest potential and supports god only knows how many people and gives and gives and is up a 4 and goes to church everyday then works 12 hour days then is into politics, you name it. so you have to admire the man. people used to say he had to be in the mafia but no way he is too honest and ethical and he came from nothing.
i was pregnant at 17 and i raised my son alone, they had money but wanted me to learn my lesson (see a pattern yet) so i had no help and it was tough but he was my greatest gift from god. i was so scared to tell my folks i ran away, sent to the mental institution, sent to the nunnery to talk me into giving him up and my dad even told me to go run around the block and maybe i will loose it. then sent to texas so no one would see me pregnant but i did it and i am proud of that! i raised a great kid. hehe so happy about that!
my ex, he is the only person i even knew who enjoys hurting others and screwing them over its like there in no emotion but rather like a game of chess and he wants to win. too weird but he did not start out like that. i think he was a n, like his dad, and maybe mine (not sure), then became a s and now he is the most evil p out there because no one sees it coming..
i am tired of thinking about me and having to change. i know it was never me or my sister that were the problem but knowing and believing are 2 different things. i know i am good, generous, loving and i should be better to myself but shit if i don’t know by nowl after 44 years of living and therapy i surrender
someone wrote they unfortunately were manipulated and hurt, robbed etc but thats on them. i never want it to happen again but i also don’t want to blame myself for his evil deeds. i want to learn to love me. it is so easy to love you how the heck do i love me?
think i did it again. too long. so sorry.
the only good i see is that i got to meet you. finally you get me and you aren’t mental cases or weak sickly people you are i don’t know but i love you!!!!! thank you . maybe god is there if he sent me to you i may have just found a speck of faith.
you are good people and i hope you all find peace and light and love and no more pain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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awakening says:
wow erin i can’t believe you made through all of that hell and got to kick his ass in the end!!! yea!!!! good for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
learnthelesson i am in so-cal if your doc has a referral but afraid to be more specific, not because of you but would die if my ex or family saw any of this and knew it was me. if he does we can figure another way to tell you more specifically where i ma.
thanks so very ,much
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learnthelesson says:
Awakening,
How do you love others? Do you give your best? Do you give your all? Do you give them respect? Do you trust them? Do you think whats best for them and then do it and give it? Do you do all of this without thinking about yourself??
In order to love yourself…you have to do all these things for yourself first. In a healthy way… believe in yourself…try to just love yourself the way you would love another (do for another, give to another, pamper another)…do all of this thinking of one thing…you deserve the best from yourself.
I dont know who wrote they were manipulated and hurt and robbed etc..and then wrote thats on them. In my situation he was deceitful, a cheater and emotionally abusive so THATS ON HIM…I was not prepared to act on my personal response/survival system with a person of his nature == all I knew to do was keep trying to please, obey, do my best, etc, I now know what I needed to do was rely on my self-love, self-respect and self-trust and if I dont from now on whatever happens as a result of me not following my boundaries…THATS ON ME. Selflove means we dont let anyone manipulate us.. Self -trust means we sense they are lying or cheating or find out and WE WALK AWAY RIGHT THEN AND THERE. Self-respect means we stop and change direction when we are disrespected. We act. Take action. Empower ourselves to allow only goodness and good treatment.
Im glad youre here. God bless you and your son!!!!!
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learnthelesson says:
Awakening,
I will call Monday and ask if he has any So. Cal referrals…not sure…was hoping you were on East Coast…but I will still inquire. If he does, I will email the owner of the blog and she will forward the info. to you.
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awakening says:
learnthelesson,
thank you. what you say seems so obvious and at first i was strong, or so i thought, but in the end i couldn’t even accept that he could be doing these things to me and on purpose. then i was so humiliated and broken i felt stuck as to accept the truth seemed nearly impossible. i mean i was convinced for 13 years that he was at the least my friend. i told him, the 1 person on this planet, everything about me every weakness, crazy thought, dream, vulnerability, everything so to realize it was a con and i gave him everything he needed to emotionally kill me, well it still scares me.
do you guys really think he is gone. i pray to god he is but the pattern is he goes and has a thing with some other girl for a few months then back to mama (he calls me that too didn’t think of that until this very moment, agh!!! gross.) he always comes back to me. what am i going to do when that day comes?????
i hope it never does but i almost think i need to be ready, like think it out like he does so i am not off guard or unprepared. what do you think???
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learnthelesson says:
Dear Awakening,
I know it seems so surreal. I too trusted endlessly… I guess I wanted to or needed to…and he led me to believe…but slowly and surely his mask dropped and all this chit happened and I still stayed…
When we say “we gave them everything they needed” to do what they did to us…means we need to LEARN how not to do that…I dont know about your guy, but I didnt make my guy EARN my trust, I didnt hold him accountable to treat me the same way I treated him,..I let him slide all the time, I made excuses (those are the things we have to LEARN NOT TO DO) Now that we know con men are out there…we are better prepared to protect ourselves. Whats done is done. Now what can we learn from it so we are prepared. They will always be who they are and do what they do…but it we too will always be the way we were..then the cycle continues…we dont necessarily change..we grow..we learn…we act now.
About whether or not he is gone? Do you want him gone? Or do you want to do what you have always done (let him come back to Mama?) Cuz you have choices. Something else I never realized. I have the choice to not answer my phone…not answer my door and to say NO! You are a bad person for me in my life. Yes you need to be prepared to love yourself, respect yourself and trust yourself enough that you know this guy is a loser and bad for you and abusive and you need to remain NC. Silently fade away….no threats, no one-upping him if he comes back, just tell him you are done. Then dont listen to his forthcoming lies or emotional abuse…No Contact. You are in charge of yourself. He is not! You are going to take back your power. He lost the priviledge of knowing you and the wonderful person you are.
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awakening says:
yes i want him gone forever. i wouldn’t survive much more. trust me i rode it to the bitter end. there was nothing and i mean nothing (not even the sex anymore) good or pleasurable, nothing but pure agony, self loathing and HELL!
i was either crying on the floor or trying to get him out or feeling insane for letting him near me as i couldn’t pretend anymore. he was pure evil, mask off, and basically called me his “mark” to my face telling me i deserve it.
even with him torturing me it was still so hard to escape not wanting to understand or talk, agh!! only setting myself up for more abuse. it was hell pulling myself out of that and i won’t survive another round, no way!.
i have gone back and forth for years but i had no idea what he was until last aug-sept. and it took me until january to stop letting him in and my last text was probably in april.
thanks so much for your wisdom and support. i have some hope that this time i can do it. you give me hope and confirm my story and honestly without you i am not so sure but with you i think i have a chance, yea!!!!!!!!
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ErinBrockovich says:
Awakening:
go to the High conflict personality website….out of Arizona.
They have several therapists that have been trained in these behaviors they recommend in your general area.
Stay on it girl!!!!
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housie says:
I agree that the P in my life didn’t care if it was a male or female, child or adult – It was adulation he was after. I used to wonder if he was gay. Now I realize my gut feeling sensed that he had younger guys he was interested in as well as 80 year old women, if he could exploit them in some way – be it sex, supply or whatever could be provided according to his need at the time. He dragged us to over 30 moves, most of them living with whatever family would take us in. We were in a religious cult at the time, so always stayed with “brethren”. He would go from church to church feigning desperation, and that was how we lived – he used these people for supply in the name of God. He used to walk the church’s lobby telling me the Holy Spirit was showing him who in the church was evil, and that he had the spirit of discernment. How SCAREY!
When I look back at all of this, I can only take it piecemeal.
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FlatBrokeNow says:
Exploitive is it. Just like the tick that you snag, as you walk along innocently… suddenly it is sucking everything it can possibly exploit out of you.
The tick I knew is an expert at exploiting governmental agencies as well. Disability fraud. Get a job??? Right. That’s only for some stupid jerk. Hopefully a closer look at the bloodsucker will occur.
These creatures are not environmentally “green” about anything, in fact, they are experts at wastefulness of resources… yours, mine, anyone’s but theirs. Walk in to a room, flip ON the lights, walk out. Turn the TV on, walk out of the room. Turn up the heat to 90 degrees, open the doors to 30, or 40 degree weather outside, who cares, it’s not their money. Sit on the pot, and use up a roll of toilet paper a day, so what?, they don’t buy it, or pay the plumber to remove it. Stand, or sit, in the shower, hot water blasting hard enough to boil skin on contact(trying to warm the cold blood?) for a half hour or more, twice a day, consistently (OCD?) When forced(expulsion threatened) to do dishes, blasting hot water on the whole time, and squeezing cupfuls of detergent down the drain (this is fun!). Eat whole jars of peanut butter at a sitting, whole containers of ice cream a day, so what??? it’s not their money! (i.e. where the TP needs arise) Stupid enough to pay for their phone time cards? Too bad. You’ll never hear from them… all their talking will be to someone else. How stupid can you get? Stupid enough to pay for their gas? Too bad again. They love idling it, and maximum acceleration off the line. What about coffee? This one loves getting jacked up on several pots worth/day. The lights are ON, but nobody’s home. So are they capable of love??? Certainly. Love of every little thing they can possibly exploit, from everyone, and everything, that’s what they love, and crave.
What do they love even more? The fact that they pulled it off… and you were a stupid jerk to let them get away with it. That’s what they love the most, so don’t let anyone tell you they don’t love. When they are gone, do they miss you? Yes, but only the stupid jerk part of you. So remember, if you’re wise, you will make it easier for them to find a new stupid jerk, than to return to the old one.
Masters of exploitation.
FBN
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one_step_at_a_time says:
‘What do they love even more? The fact that they pulled it off… and you were a stupid jerk to let them get away with it. That’s what they love the most, so don’t let anyone tell you they don’t love. When they are gone, do they miss you? Yes, but only the stupid jerk part of you. So remember, if you’re wise, you will make it easier for them to find a new stupid jerk, than to return to the old one.’
BRAVO!! BRAVO!!
i have come to think that this is what they love the most too. which means that every time my sweet ppath laughed she was LAUGHING AT ME.
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Buttons says:
Steve notes, “The essence of exploitation is the intentional violation of another’s vulnerability.”
This is a superb, succinct, and clearly understandable explanation of the core of sociopathy. This single sentence defines it in terms that a victim, judge, police officer, attorney, or anyone else with a remedial comprehension of language can grasp.
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Deceived says:
VIOLATORS OF THE HEART
The associations of your past can drag you down and hold you back. They can keep you from fulfilling your potential. Violators of the Heart. These are relationships that prey on your heart and rob you of control over your life. Don’t give power to any person to manipulate you and control you. No person can make you lose your joy, your mind, your temper, or any other aspect unless you give that person the power. Don’t do it!
The most dangerous violator of the heart is the person who tells you what you want to hear. It is the person who strokes your ego and tells you words of affection that you are desperate to hear, all in an effort to get what they want from you. Violators take advantage of the “needs” in your life, especially the needs to be loved and accepted. They aren’t concerned about your blessings or your destiny. They are concerned only about what they want. They are takers, not givers.
You MUST identify and accept the reality of an out-of-balance relationship. At times, you need to take stock of the situation and admit to yourself that a relationship just isn’t working. All of your efforts at helping or rehabilitating a person have failed. It is at that point that you need to walk away as you say, “I have done all that I can do. ”
Progressively end unhealthy relationships. It takes emotional energy to end a relationship, cut unhealthy relationships out of your life one at a time until you can look around you and say, All of my relationships are ones in which there is mutual give-and-take, a mutual blessing, a mutual edification. I am on the same wavelength with those who are close to me when it comes to values, beliefs, and goals.”
Walk away from an unhealthy relationship WITH THE FULL INTENT that YOU WILL NOT revisit that relationship in the future. You should not have the intent to come back to the relationship. Make a clean break. Make a definitive break. Find the people who are starving for what you offer! Find people who want who you are, what you give, and what you celebrate.
GO WHERE YOU ARE CELEBRATED, NOT TOLERATED!!!
(A friend gave this to me and it comforted me and I drew courage and strength from it. I hope this helps you too like it did me).
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