Researchers want to know about your experience with a psychopath
PDF Plenty of scientific researchers have studied psychopaths. But few have studied the victims of psychopaths, so there is little documentation of what we have all been through.
Perhaps that is beginning to change.
Lovefraud has been contacted by a researcher from Carleton University in Ottowa, Ontario, Canada. She is conducting a study entitled Victimization, coping, and social support of adult survivors of psychopaths. The graduate student is working under the supervision of Dr. Adelle Forth, who is a colleague of Dr. Robert Hare.
The purpose of the study is “to gain an understanding of the victimization experiences of adult (18+) survivors of psychopaths, in an attempt to raise awareness amongst the general public, and mental health and criminal justice professionals.”
Everyone at Lovefraud is invited to participate.
The researcher has developed a web-based survey. The survey has both self-report scales and open-ended questions. You will be asked to rate the presence or absence of psychopathic traits of the most recent psychopathic individual you have been involved with on one scale. Questions revolve around demographics, your relationship and experiences with the psychopath, including being deceived and its impact on your mental and physical health, your ways of coping, and your support networks. The survey does not ask for any information that might identify you.
Completing the survey will take approximately one hour, and Lovefraud strongly encourages you to participate. If you are concerned about your safety, please be sure to take appropriate precautions.
Here—finally—is a chance to develop information that may make a difference in how victims of psychopaths are viewed and treated. Let’s take advantage of the opportunity.
Data is being collected from now until Dec. 31, 2008. Be sure to add your voice.
written by Donna Andersen • Permalink •
OxDrover says:
Hey, guys, especially you new folks, take this survey, let’s don’t let it get off the “radar” screen and folks forget about it. It doesn’t take long and we need to ALL get our 2 cents in on this one. Oxy
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Iwonder says:
I did mine last week.
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Indigoblue says:
This is Good so I thought I would bring it up front
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Indigoblue says:
I was curious as to wether our researcher was still reaserching
~ Or Did She GorGot 
~ LOVE JJ
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Jen2008 says:
Yes, you will be able to see the results of the survey by March 1st, 2009. Send an e-mail (anonymous, no identifiers, account only you can access please) to psurvivorstudy@gmail.com with “want psurvivorstudy results” in subject line, and leave the message empty……..
Has anyone received an email with the results of this survey yet?
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OxDrover says:
Jen, Not that I know of unless it went into my spam box and got deleted. Maybe we should send another e mail.
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rwheaton says:
PLEASE have them add another category for “within 3 months”. Most of my answers fell in the “within 6 months” but ALL were within 3 months. Public education is KEY to public awareness more than any title\label because Hollywood has shaped our identity of what a psychopath is. Maybe Hollywood could help in the ‘education’ part.
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OxDrover says:
Dear R wheaton,
This thread were you posted is from an old survey done for another reason, the one you are talking about now is the one that runs to March 15th and the results will be submitted to the comments for the DSM V (the new diagnositic manual for psychiatrists).
In the past the term Psychopath, sociopath, anti-social personality disorder and several other terms were confused, even by researchers.
The current survey was put together by Donna Anderson, sort of “following” the variious proposals of what we (former victms) experienced with each of these indicators of the behavior of the “psychopaths” we have had experience with.
At the end of Donna’s survey, she will forward it to the committee which is determining the DSM V criteria for “officially” diagnosing what we know as “psychopathy” or “sociopathy”—in the past the professionals couldn’t even agree on a name.
Since “psychopath and sociopath” have both sort of been in the PUBLIC’s eye been seen as words denoting a serial killer type person, and fortunately, only a few of them are serial killers, most do their devestation in more quiet and secret ways, but their devestation is almost as overwhelming to their victims, whose “souls and minds” are serially “killed” instead of their bodies.
I agree that PUBLIC EDUCATION is the key, but the subject is so complex and the psychopaths (my chosen word) are sometimes so subtle it is difficutl to detect them until you start to BLEED either emotionally, financially, or physically.
Glad you are here, thanks for posting!
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sherry winter says:
I work for the government. For the last year I have seen educational classes available to my co-workers about domestic violence, stalking, and sexual harassment. Very few people choose to go to them. The managers and lead workers are required to go to them… AND YET!
My manager had the training and refuses to see, that my lead worker was both stalking his employees, and if he hadn’t been such a good liar, he would have been hit with a zillion sexual harassment claims!
But as it is, he lies so good, all of his victims, except me, are closed mouth thinking they need to protect him because he’s done no wrong. Because he lies so well, all of his victims willingly took part is sexual activities. Because he lies so well my manager and his still believes that I must have imagined the whole episode.
According to DAS, the agency in charge of all the state’s HR departments, he can xyz every woman on his team. Unless they tell him NO, and he doesn’t quit, it’s no one’s business, and he hasn’t broken a single rule.
According to DAS, his manager could be fired for even asking him if he was dating any of the women he manages. Yet they let him have input into promotions, and allow him to help pick women for positions. He can use anything to make his choices including his libido, and as long as he can come up with a reasonable argument any one who questions his intentions can get fired for asking personal questions. Because he’s NOT management, it’s no one’s business and he has the power to control the lives of the women who work with him. He is not required to be accountable to the women he works with, or his managers, because it’s his personal life, even if he’s kissing them in the work elevator, or setting them up for a fall. If he promotes someone because he wants to go to bed with them, or if he holds someone back from a promotion because he doesn’t want them in the limelight where his lies might become visible, doesn’t matter… according to the big wigs in the state HR system, he can do anything he wants with any one he wants, as long as they can not prove he continued, after they asked him to stop.
According to DAS, he can give the virus that causes cancer to every single woman in our office, even if there was a test that could prove he was a carrier, “how convenient that men can’t be positively tested,” and as long as he is killing these women on his time, with their permission, it’s none of their business. In fact he went as far as to say, if they TRIED to stop him, they would end up in court, and the STATE WOULD LOSE!
And yet, if I have to go back to that office, and I warn any one of the potential dangers, both emotionally or physically, I could be fired! Right now as I post this I have 34 more days until I will be forced to go back or quit my job.
It is educated people who said this to me. They also let me know, that they can not call someone a sociopath or allow them to be called a sociopath, unless they have been tested and proven to be so. They let me know, they have no rights to ask him to be tested. They said even using the work could cost the state millions in a law suit that they would LOSE.
So their answer? Fire the victims if they cause too much noise, because their disruptive cry for help, and be proven to upset the work place, and the poor sociopath is just doing his job, and what he does to the lives of those he works with after hours, is none of their business.
Life sucks and then you die. At least that is the way it seems when you are trapped in an eternal loop with a sociopath that you can’t get out of your life.
Educate people? The emotional trauma caused by seemingly well meaning people who point out that “all he did was lie to me, big deal,” or who remind me, “no one tied your hands,” is almost as bad as the trauma from the sociopath.
Educate all you want, but all the people that I worked so hard to make him look good to, now are telling me it’s none of their business. I have in my efforts to protect and promote him have not only put myself in a place where I may get fired, but I have had to drop out of Amaranth because I was the one who talked my mentor into picking him as her Grand Royal Patron.
He will be the top man in the whole state for an organization of WOMEN. He will have victims falling over themselves to catch the “good one”. All because I believed in him, and because all of those I have tried to teach about psychopathy, would rather stay on his good side, and look the other way. I wonder how many women he will kill in Amaranth with his undeclared disease? No one can prove it, and every two years, every one seems to forget about the cries of “cad” from the previous victims.
People don’t want to know… Not even really those of us who have been victims. I would rather that I had never found out, how low someone you thought you loved could be.
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autisticsouls says:
Shelly Winter,
welcome. this is an issue too, workplace psychopaths.. not only do they effect people involved in them but many do work and have careers and then the rest of us are faced with them. we also deal with the face of denial and disbelief in the workplace too.
i felt/feel very impotent with my situation but i think little by little the more folks get burned some leeway will occur eventually.
as long as i do my part even if it means my future in this arena is uncertain because of the rampant corrumption going on.
anyhow even fed up folks won’t dare to mention the world sociopath/psychopath or ASPD..
Pleased to meet you
Mike
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autisticsouls says:
oops sorry,
i see it’s sherry winter, not shelly. cool visual though. winter and sherry. cherry snow. sorry i’m autistic i get a lot of visual input with certain things.
Mike
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greenfern says:
Hi,
I hope I did not offend anyone with my last post, is there are reason why it was removed?
I am just curious, so that I do not make the same mistake. Thanks!
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sherry winter says:
Don’t worry Mike, don’t worry about the type-o’s and such. When we post here, I know for my part, I’m usually emotionally upset. When you are like that, who cares about proper English or anything else!
I’m just so tired of the bad guys winning, and GOOD people CHOOSING to look the other way because they don’t want to know. They say it’s none of their business, and that it’s just between you and the sociopath. However, even when you can give them a long list of names the sociopath has taken advantage of, they still don’t want to listen. They would feel totally different if it was THEIR daughters, wives, sisters, or even themselves that was told by their doctor they had a 50/50 chance of living because someone had given them cervical cancer and knew he was a carrier!
I’m angry at the world and at myself. I’m angry that I let my life be ruined by this monster. I’m angry that I wasn’t strong enough to pull out when I started seeing the signs. I’m angry that the other women who he’s used and abused refuse to speak up. I’m angry for all the people I had thought were my friends telly me I’m just a woman scorned and that he’s a nice person. I’m angry for every one who would rather stick their head in the sand then to find out the ugly truth… even if knowing it could save lives. I’m angry that the bad guys always seem to win, and only the good die young.
I’m sick of losing, and paying for what this monster has done, and yet he is still officially my “boss” in that he’s the only lead worker in the unit I work for, and soon my rotational job will end, and I will have the option of going back and going crazy again… quiting before that happens… or finding someone who can give me a sociopath pill so I can NOT CARE how many women I see him abuse.
All of my life, I have forgotten the traumatic events and found it hard to recall even when I want to. I to this date have difficulty remembering when my mother died, even though I held her hand until it was cold. I have always forgotten the bad, it was the only good thing I got from having a bad memory. However the events of the last 3 yrs with the sociopath are etched in my memory like they were yesterday.
I actually have c-ptsd… and have flashbacks, nightmares, and panic attacks, and have since about 3 months into the relationship. I have been going to counceling, and I’ve been on meds for sleep and stress for a long time. I’ve gained 30 lbs from the stress, gone from perfect skin to constant stress acne, and even lost 2/3 of my hair at one point from the stress. I have aged 10 yrs in the last 3 yrs, because of the stress hormones in my brain that control the aging process.
All this, and I was targeted because I was in a happy marriage and the sociopath was jealous of someone who was actually happy! Not that he needed a reason, but he has shown a remarkable desire to take other men’s wives, and to get involved with those who would NEVER pick him. It’s a part of the GAME… the harder to catch, the harder he tries… Cat’s are interested in sleeping mice, but one that attracts their attention!!!!!
I’m just tired. I wish I could take a pill to make me forget about the last 20 yrs of my life, both when I was happy “because I don’t think I will ever have that again,” and when I was reduced to a victim by someone I trusted. I have remarried, and I like my husband… even love him, but my love, and trust are not what they once were… there are very little emotions attached to any of it. There is no joy in my life any more… I lost so much, and I feel forced to watch the person who took them from me, to be honored while he continues to rack up victims.
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Donna Andersen says:
Greenfern
No posts have been removed. Maybe it’s on another thread?
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one_step_at_a_time says:
Donna,
Since the karma message showed up on top of the blog I have to refresh every time I log in or edit a message.
I get a blank page when I log in, and the edit feature says it is ‘saving’, but doesn’t progress from there.
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autisticsouls says:
Sherry we have a principal who was sexually harrasing and stalking female workers. after so much complaints against him and a lawsuit the only thing that happened to him was that he was reassigned to another school, that’s IT!!!!
and of course I expect he will continue to do what he has been doing because why the heck not? if all he gets is a slap on the hand? the damage left behind are females employees forced out of their jobs for making a rucus in what is best described as mobbing. read “white chalk crimes” to see what is happening in our public school system.
i myself have to continue to work with psychopaths, too. although some have gotten arrested for just taking stupidly crazy risks and being arrogant thinking they weren’t going to upset parents or other teachers enough to do anything about it since we’re all roaches to them anyway they just didn’t think that pushing folks too hard will actually blow up in their faces, so now they are on our newspaper headlines and we’re like hoping something good will come of all this scandal.
i hope so anyway. i still beleive in intelligent design, maybe i’m naive or just hopeful.
Mike (back to work lunch is now over. there are some good people here, Sherry, i hope you get to meet them and share and be able to regroup and heal from everything you have gone through..)
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sherry winter says:
he was talked to… that was all. 2 yrs of lying to our boss about our relationship…. caught red handed with another…
He lied straight faced to the counselor when his wife caught him fooling around before I really got to know him. She printed out 5 yrs of receipts from his vacations with his secret mistress in Florida. Sitting with the bills right in his lap the counselor asked him to please stop lying about his affair.
If he had balls enough to lie when documentation of 5 yrs of infidelity were sitting in someone’s lap, why the heck would a talking to bother him?
He was on an interview panel this week. I don’t know WHAT those idiots are thinking putting a sociopath that has a proven record of ulterior motives for his employees on a friggen interview panel! THESE PEOPLE ARE IDIOTS!
I know there are good people in the world. I think maybe my new husband may be one, LOL… though he has a lazy streak the size of texas. What I have decided though, is I can’t tell the good from the bad, so I simply decide to believe no one any more. I may say I do, I may act like I do, but bottom line I don’t. And as far as an intelligent design, that was stolen from me, when I gave up my life for a jerk thinking god wanted to use me to make the world a better place.
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OxDrover says:
Dear Sherry,
I am so sorry that you are having so much in the way of pain after even all this long time. ((((Sherry))))) and I know that PTSD is no fun, and all the signs and symptoms (my biggie is no short term memory and word finding difficulty) and so on are so troublesome. Sometimes it seems it will NEVER end, but I think we must keep on trucking! We mustn’t give up. Sure, there are times it seems like lthe jerks always win, and people that we WISH to goodness would GET IT don’t, and they seem to “trivalize” our TRUTHS and we want to SCREAM!!! OPEN YOUR EYES, IDIOT, why can’t you SEE?
I have been there, and I imagine I will BE there again from time to time, but I don’t like being there, I don’t like feeling like that, so I keep on working and trying my best not to give up, to trust those that EARN it, and to keep my sanity about myself—to see the differences between honest Mistakes and deliberate dishonesty. I can over look the first, but NEVER the latter.
Hang in there, Sherry! You are in good company here! Keep coming here, without this place I think I would have “lost it” a long time ago and never have found it again! (((hugs))) and my prayers for your peace!
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autisticsouls says:
Sherry you got hit from all angles, the workplace where you were targeted and then where you became involved, you had no real place to escape.
in the workplace i think it’s harder because only the obvious signs of harassment and stalking is recognized.
my ex psychopath friend (i had no idea) singled out a stressed out married mother of two. after seven years the marriage was going through some normal strains from the new baby and all. she was vulnerable and fatigued and things were a little stressed. i offered up my nurse to care for the kids so they could spend some quality time together. because when things get strained sometimes there is a risk of good people reaching the breaking point.
my ex friend however targeted her in a way where he targeted her weaknesses and played up on it. i could see what he was doing and couldn’t do anything about it. because it wasn’t within the illegal parameters to do what he was doing. it wasn’t right, though. there were plenty of single people about why go after a married vulnerble one going through some trouble?
His interference broke them up and only then did he dump her on top of everything else she was going through. again nothing is ever his fault even though he did all he can to manipulate the situation and lie to her and paint a scenario that her husband was at fault for everything as he continued to build up a chasm between them.
Toying with people in this manner is not ‘illegal’ though. and when it comes to sociopathy and psychopathy or ASPD, whatever you want to call the cancer affecting all levels of society it isn’t disscussed, it isn’t mentioned, and there can be no real resolution to the problem with this continued state of denial we are living in..
people do all kinds of things to each other most times in moments of weakness, uncooperation or disagreements, and the regular stuff people do unwittingly, but it’s hard to fathom why someone would single others out for destruction simply as a pastime to do so. We never expect that kind of behavior for no real reason. it’s unfathomable and others make you feel as if it’s partially one’s fault because it’s just too hard to believe that someone would do this for no valid reason other than to just play with people. Who destroys lives for fun?
But it is happening, in relationships, in the media, in our sitcoms and movies, (that makes it all okay)in the workplace, in daily business interactions. one guy just got arrested recently for loan modification fraud. just a passerby could get pulled in without knowing… and yes we do lose our innocence and become wary of the world. when you get struck, you start looking for them everywhere. everyone becomes suspect. a sense of paranoia could sink in and WE end up looking crazy. and it gets all helpless and hopeless feeling when no one else seems to listen to what we are saying or others want to just keep shush and forget about things because they in a sense feel like it’s their fault too.
The damage is so pervasive but real.
and in that aspect i do share your frustration with how things currently are in regards to this disease.
but i am praying for a wake up call. the disease is too widespread that we can as a society continues to keep ignoring the issue.
i nearly feel we are in stage one of cancer where society is just hoping the ‘signs’ are all in our heads and it will all go away.. I hope that we don’t, as a society, reach stage four of the disease when it’s too late to do anything about it because we’ll be a world of where you are either a predator or a victim… and the victims left too traumatized to do anything about them ruling everything and feeding off us all. sometimes i almost feel we are there already but i don’t think so quite yet.
For now we have to hang in there, take time to heal, talk (to people who will listen), and not feel crazy, support each other and do what we can until the rest of the world wakes up…
Mike
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