Comments on: Welcome Steve Becker, LCSW, as a regular Lovefraud author http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2008/07/30/welcome-steve-becker-lcsw-as-a-regular-lovefraud-author/ Wake up to the danger of sociopaths Wed, 08 Feb 2012 07:17:13 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Steve Becker, LCSW http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2008/07/30/welcome-steve-becker-lcsw-as-a-regular-lovefraud-author/comment-page-1/#comment-10369 Steve Becker, LCSW Tue, 19 Aug 2008 16:13:13 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2008/07/30/welcome-steve-becker-lcsw-as-a-regular-lovefraud-author/#comment-10369 Inthebreach, I apologize to you for my late response to your concerns. I've been away for two weeks and just returned a couple days ago. Naturally you are correct to be concerned that a therapist in a situation like this would appear to be biased in some way. If he conducted himself in the session as your son reported, that's pretty troubling. And his apparent conviction that he saw your son in a place you are sure you son was nowhere near? That, too, is understandably disconcerting? You can certainly check out his credentials with the local APA (American Psychological Association), or whatever the appropriate accrediting body would be? If you think he's conducting himself inappropriately and/or unfairly--especially with bias--obviously your attorney would need to know this and advise you. The MMPI is a pretty standard personality assessment, the results of which should not be affected by the therapist's attitude? (assuming he scored it properly) You are also right to wonder how it's possible to generate a 30-page assessment based on an hour spent with several individuals? I share your dubiousness. Certainly it's important that you feel confident of your attorney in this kind of situation. Additional evaluations can be arranged, perhaps, if there are suspicions of bias/incompetence, etc. I hope I haven't been too late in responding. Inthebreach, I apologize to you for my late response to your concerns. I’ve been away for two weeks and just returned a couple days ago. Naturally you are correct to be concerned that a therapist in a situation like this would appear to be biased in some way. If he conducted himself in the session as your son reported, that’s pretty troubling. And his apparent conviction that he saw your son in a place you are sure you son was nowhere near? That, too, is understandably disconcerting? You can certainly check out his credentials with the local APA (American Psychological Association), or whatever the appropriate accrediting body would be? If you think he’s conducting himself inappropriately and/or unfairly–especially with bias–obviously your attorney would need to know this and advise you.
The MMPI is a pretty standard personality assessment, the results of which should not be affected by the therapist’s attitude? (assuming he scored it properly)
You are also right to wonder how it’s possible to generate a 30-page assessment based on an hour spent with several individuals? I share your dubiousness.
Certainly it’s important that you feel confident of your attorney in this kind of situation. Additional evaluations can be arranged, perhaps, if there are suspicions of bias/incompetence, etc.
I hope I haven’t been too late in responding.

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]]> By: Steve Becker, LCSW http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2008/07/30/welcome-steve-becker-lcsw-as-a-regular-lovefraud-author/comment-page-1/#comment-10368 Steve Becker, LCSW Tue, 19 Aug 2008 15:58:39 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2008/07/30/welcome-steve-becker-lcsw-as-a-regular-lovefraud-author/#comment-10368 I want to personally thank everyone who responded so generously to Donna's announcement of my new regular-authorship status. I've just returned from a two-week break where I had no internet access, and apologize for my delayed response. It means so much to me--that any of my articles should positively affect and/or stimulate any of you. It's been an honor to be a part of the LoveFraud community. I look forward immensely to becoming even more visible on this amazing website and to the challenge of offering relevant, thought-provoking posts on a bi-weekly basis. Thanks again, everyone! I want to personally thank everyone who responded so generously to Donna’s announcement of my new regular-authorship status. I’ve just returned from a two-week break where I had no internet access, and apologize for my delayed response. It means so much to me–that any of my articles should positively affect and/or stimulate any of you. It’s been an honor to be a part of the LoveFraud community. I look forward immensely to becoming even more visible on this amazing website and to the challenge of offering relevant, thought-provoking posts on a bi-weekly basis. Thanks again, everyone!

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]]> By: James http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2008/07/30/welcome-steve-becker-lcsw-as-a-regular-lovefraud-author/comment-page-1/#comment-9427 James Mon, 04 Aug 2008 09:00:37 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2008/07/30/welcome-steve-becker-lcsw-as-a-regular-lovefraud-author/#comment-9427 Great to have Steve Becker as a contributor of LoveFraud! Loved his insightfulness and skills i.e. knowledge as a therapist and will look forward to more of his articles to this site!!!! Great to have Steve Becker as a contributor of LoveFraud! Loved his insightfulness and skills i.e. knowledge as a therapist and will look forward to more of his articles to this site!!!!

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]]> By: kat_o_nine_tales http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2008/07/30/welcome-steve-becker-lcsw-as-a-regular-lovefraud-author/comment-page-1/#comment-9421 kat_o_nine_tales Mon, 04 Aug 2008 03:24:44 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2008/07/30/welcome-steve-becker-lcsw-as-a-regular-lovefraud-author/#comment-9421 Guyz I want to write a post about Tom Sawyer. Does anybody remember how in the first book he bamboozled and scammed his way through life, making his aunt think she was losing her mind? Then in Huckleberry Finn, when Tom comes down the river to stay with his Aunt Polly, he forces Jim to go through all these insane trials just for his own amusement. And when he wants to steal spoons, sheets and stuff from his aunt he takes them and puts them back over and over until she just won't even count them anymore? This is what sociopaths do to us. They are very very good at making us look and feel crazy. Guyz I want to write a post about Tom Sawyer. Does anybody remember how in the first book he bamboozled and scammed his way through life, making his aunt think she was losing her mind?

Then in Huckleberry Finn, when Tom comes down the river to stay with his Aunt Polly, he forces Jim to go through all these insane trials just for his own amusement. And when he wants to steal spoons, sheets and stuff from his aunt he takes them and puts them back over and over until she just won’t even count them anymore? This is what sociopaths do to us. They are very very good at making us look and feel crazy.

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]]> By: kat_o_nine_tales http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2008/07/30/welcome-steve-becker-lcsw-as-a-regular-lovefraud-author/comment-page-1/#comment-9420 kat_o_nine_tales Mon, 04 Aug 2008 03:22:10 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2008/07/30/welcome-steve-becker-lcsw-as-a-regular-lovefraud-author/#comment-9420 Welcome Molly and good luck with all of it. I feel so lucky sometimes to be out of that terrifying part of it. You are not the crazy one. They have to keep us off balance, or their little smoke and mirrors act goes down the tubes. Even if everyone in "normal" life thinks you are, ei. the police, the lawyer, the judge.. we know different. Welcome Molly and good luck with all of it. I feel so lucky sometimes to be out of that terrifying part of it. You are not the crazy one. They have to keep us off balance, or their little smoke and mirrors act goes down the tubes. Even if everyone in “normal” life thinks you are, ei. the police, the lawyer, the judge.. we know different.

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]]> By: OxDrover http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2008/07/30/welcome-steve-becker-lcsw-as-a-regular-lovefraud-author/comment-page-1/#comment-9393 OxDrover Sun, 03 Aug 2008 20:56:56 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2008/07/30/welcome-steve-becker-lcsw-as-a-regular-lovefraud-author/#comment-9393 Dear dear Molly Brown, I am so glad that you are here on LoveFRaud, and I am so glad that you are alive to be here! Welcome. People here will believe you, the courts may not, but we will. You are NOT crazy, you are the sane one. It just FEELS crazy right now, because this is not a "normal" situation and a "normal" response would be ABnormal. Walk away or hold him accountable? I wish I could answer that question for you. Only you can answer that question. I will give you this piec eof advice though, as for his "tax debt" you might be able to file a claim for "innocent spouse" with the IRS. I know several women who were involved with men who were abusive and secretaive and cheated on their taxes were able to show that they were "innocent" parties by reason of marriage to these cheaters. So, let that be some HOPE to you on that score. Check it out. Starting from scratch with only the things you took away may not be easy at all, but fighting in the courts with a CHEAT like him who will VIOLATE ALL THE RULES won't be easy either. He will hide things, lie and cheat just to make more legal expense and chaos for you and increase your stress. I don't know of course how much you two had, or what your job qualifications are or anything so I can't answer the question of "walk away or hold accountable" but at the same time I can tell you that NEITHER OPTION will be easy, so you will ultimately have to make that difficult decision from inside your own heart and mind. READ READ READ every word of every essay here and that will help you come to your decision. I'm glad you are here and strong enough to tell your story. I'm also so glad that you had the strength to make it out alive and not let this bully keep you prisoner. God bless you my dear, you along with all the LF people are constantly in my prayers. (((hugs)))) Dear dear Molly Brown,

I am so glad that you are here on LoveFRaud, and I am so glad that you are alive to be here! Welcome. People here will believe you, the courts may not, but we will. You are NOT crazy, you are the sane one. It just FEELS crazy right now, because this is not a “normal” situation and a “normal” response would be ABnormal.

Walk away or hold him accountable? I wish I could answer that question for you. Only you can answer that question.

I will give you this piec eof advice though, as for his “tax debt” you might be able to file a claim for “innocent spouse” with the IRS. I know several women who were involved with men who were abusive and secretaive and cheated on their taxes were able to show that they were “innocent” parties by reason of marriage to these cheaters. So, let that be some HOPE to you on that score. Check it out.

Starting from scratch with only the things you took away may not be easy at all, but fighting in the courts with a CHEAT like him who will VIOLATE ALL THE RULES won’t be easy either. He will hide things, lie and cheat just to make more legal expense and chaos for you and increase your stress.

I don’t know of course how much you two had, or what your job qualifications are or anything so I can’t answer the question of “walk away or hold accountable” but at the same time I can tell you that NEITHER OPTION will be easy, so you will ultimately have to make that difficult decision from inside your own heart and mind.

READ READ READ every word of every essay here and that will help you come to your decision. I’m glad you are here and strong enough to tell your story. I’m also so glad that you had the strength to make it out alive and not let this bully keep you prisoner. God bless you my dear, you along with all the LF people are constantly in my prayers. (((hugs))))

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]]> By: Molly http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2008/07/30/welcome-steve-becker-lcsw-as-a-regular-lovefraud-author/comment-page-1/#comment-9390 Molly Sun, 03 Aug 2008 19:55:54 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2008/07/30/welcome-steve-becker-lcsw-as-a-regular-lovefraud-author/#comment-9390 My head, my heart, my soul is spining. I found this site a couple of months ago when my whole saga started..it was like someone breathed life back into me. I had a name for all that had happened. I no longer felt alone, for this I am truely thankfull. I have been able to realize that I am very lucky I got out alive. However, now that I am going through a divorce, it is all coming back to haunt me again. He is not cooperating with anything. He showed up to the " Early resolution hearing" but he never sent me or the court's the paperwork. The court did not care and proceeded. I started to see a clinician because I was so stressed I almost got into 2 car accidents, have locked my keys in my car numerous times and I am now down to 98 pounds. After reading my resolution papers she told me to read a statement she prepared prior to the begining od my hearing. I was told I could and it basically stated that my clinician requested that I request that I be allowed to change some info in my statement and that it was 100% obvious to my clinician that I was suffering from PTSD as a result of the fear and terror I experienced while living in a near captive marriage. I knew he was gonna have a fit and he did, He would not agree to anything despite me asking for only a few thousand dollars so I could pay back the people who borrowed me money to get back to Wisconsin. He than stated that he did not like what I said about him and that he was angry and hurt and therefore he was now going to file a divorce against me. I was told I had to call him the next monday(I could not call over the weekend because he was going to Mexico with his job) to let him know when I could get a flight back to get my things because he needed gone because he could no longer aford his apartment. I was asked why I did not take them with when I left and I tried to explain that I "ESCAPED", I did not leave because I wanted to. It was all throwen in my lap. When I called Mon as I was told to let him know I could not aford to get my things he would not anwser my call. How do I know I am not the CRAZY one. Do they always get away with everything. Should I fight for 50/50 or let him get everything. I hvae no lawyer. I left pennyless and with only a couple boxes and plastic bags. Savings gone, belongings gone, Oh I get his $20,000 tax debt. I feel like it was all just a bad nightmere. One minute I thought I was on top of the world...we had dated 26 years ago. I called it my Oprah Story, suddenly I had bars on my windows, 4 deadbolt lock on the front door and 2x4's on my back door. Does he really not know what he is doing. I guess I am one of the lucky one's. He does not want me back. He changed the locks on the house and removed over 260 box's of our belongings 2 days after I went to the shelter. Help???? Walk away...or hold him accountable.. The sinking Molly Brown My head, my heart, my soul is spining. I found this site a couple of months ago when my whole saga started..it was like someone breathed life back into me. I had a name for all that had happened. I no longer felt alone, for this I am truely thankfull. I have been able to realize that I am very lucky I got out alive. However, now that I am going through a divorce, it is all coming back to haunt me again. He is not cooperating with anything. He showed up to the ” Early resolution hearing” but he never sent me or the court’s the paperwork. The court did not care and proceeded. I started to see a clinician because I was so stressed I almost got into 2 car accidents, have locked my keys in my car numerous times and I am now down to 98 pounds. After reading my resolution papers she told me to read a statement she prepared prior to the begining od my hearing. I was told I could and it basically stated that my clinician requested that I request that I be allowed to change some info in my statement and that it was 100% obvious to my clinician that I was suffering from PTSD as a result of the fear and terror I experienced while living in a near captive marriage. I knew he was gonna have a fit and he did, He would not agree to anything despite me asking for only a few thousand dollars so I could pay back the people who borrowed me money to get back to Wisconsin. He than stated that he did not like what I said about him and that he was angry and hurt and therefore he was now going to file a divorce against me. I was told I had to call him the next monday(I could not call over the weekend because he was going to Mexico with his job) to let him know when I could get a flight back to get my things because he needed gone because he could no longer aford his apartment. I was asked why I did not take them with when I left and I tried to explain that I “ESCAPED”, I did not leave because I wanted to. It was all throwen in my lap. When I called Mon as I was told to let him know I could not aford to get my things he would not anwser my call.
How do I know I am not the CRAZY one. Do they always get away with everything. Should I fight for 50/50 or let him get everything. I hvae no lawyer. I left pennyless and with only a couple boxes and plastic bags. Savings gone, belongings gone, Oh I get his $20,000 tax debt.
I feel like it was all just a bad nightmere. One minute I thought I was on top of the world…we had dated 26 years ago. I called it my Oprah Story, suddenly I had bars on my windows, 4 deadbolt lock on the front door and 2×4′s on my back door.
Does he really not know what he is doing. I guess I am one of the lucky one’s. He does not want me back. He changed the locks on the house and removed over 260 box’s of our belongings 2 days after I went to the shelter.
Help???? Walk away…or hold him accountable..
The sinking Molly Brown

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]]> By: kat_o_nine_tales http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2008/07/30/welcome-steve-becker-lcsw-as-a-regular-lovefraud-author/comment-page-1/#comment-9221 kat_o_nine_tales Sat, 02 Aug 2008 01:22:47 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2008/07/30/welcome-steve-becker-lcsw-as-a-regular-lovefraud-author/#comment-9221 Inthebreach some advice for you.. if your husband is powerful in that city ask for a change of venue. Also make sure you ask your own therapist to see your son and bring his testimony to counter your husband's. Your daughters will be able to see more clearly later on when you have been away from this abusive man for a while. I hope you will have your therapist or another one meet with your son to discuss the abusive way that therapist handled the meeting with your husband. Above all appear calm and rational in court no matter what, even if you have to scream into the pillow later. Inthebreach some advice for you.. if your husband is powerful in that city ask for a change of venue. Also make sure you ask your own therapist to see your son and bring his testimony to counter your husband’s. Your daughters will be able to see more clearly later on when you have been away from this abusive man for a while. I hope you will have your therapist or another one meet with your son to discuss the abusive way that therapist handled the meeting with your husband. Above all appear calm and rational in court no matter what, even if you have to scream into the pillow later.

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]]> By: kat_o_nine_tales http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2008/07/30/welcome-steve-becker-lcsw-as-a-regular-lovefraud-author/comment-page-1/#comment-9219 kat_o_nine_tales Sat, 02 Aug 2008 01:15:56 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2008/07/30/welcome-steve-becker-lcsw-as-a-regular-lovefraud-author/#comment-9219 Inthebreach this is such a scary post and really brings back the bad times. I'm glad you are reaching out for help and I hope Dr. Steve will get right back to you. My second husband regularly tries to call our 9 year old a liar. That therapist sounds VERY suspicious. Inthebreach this is such a scary post and really brings back the bad times. I’m glad you are reaching out for help and I hope Dr. Steve will get right back to you. My second husband regularly tries to call our 9 year old a liar. That therapist sounds VERY suspicious.

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]]> By: inthebreach57 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2008/07/30/welcome-steve-becker-lcsw-as-a-regular-lovefraud-author/comment-page-1/#comment-9218 inthebreach57 Sat, 02 Aug 2008 00:32:05 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2008/07/30/welcome-steve-becker-lcsw-as-a-regular-lovefraud-author/#comment-9218 Dear Mr. Becker, I am currently involved in a terrible divorce with a man (an attorney with great power to manipulate in the small city I live in in the Midwest). His biggest tools for using people to do his bidding and receive sympathy is money and pity. My two older daughters, ages 29 and 23 have been completely bought by him and I believe he has convinced them I am mentally ill and unstable because I have spent 7 years in therapy and their little 9 year old brother has been in therapy for 3 years. I recently changed my sons therapist to a forensic therapist and he is doing so much better. The 3 of us took the MMPI test a couple weeks ago and he and my son had a bad meeting with the therapist conducting the tests for their meeting together. My son came outside crying, frustrated and angry because he confronted my husband on his lies but my son said the therapist seemed to keep handing my husband excuses and suggesting my son was probably mistaken. He also said his dad shouted over top of him and the therapist didn't stop the bullying. Is this common-normal for a therapist to sit back and let a parent scream, shout, deny, call their child a liar and just sift them? I am very concerned. When I saw the therapist for my interview he seemed convinced he had seen my son at a Catholic Church parking lot around the corner from my home in a raging thunderstorm on his bike. I said I would never let my son ride his bike in a storm like that but I got a gut feeling this mans mind was made up and he did not accept the truth of what I told him. It just felt weird and I have a bad feeling about this guy. His name is John Day& Associates out of Peoria, Illinois. Is their any way to check out if he has a vanity board on these custody cases. He is the almighty and powerful last word on psych exams in this small city. I am worried about what he will write in his (I understand sometimes over 30 pages of assessment on people). He spends 1 hour with each parent and 1 hour with each parent with the child. What on earth could warrant 30 pages on a basic stranger?! Dear Mr. Becker,
I am currently involved in a terrible divorce with a man (an attorney with great power to manipulate in the small city I live in in the Midwest). His biggest tools for using people to do his bidding and receive sympathy is money and pity. My two older daughters, ages 29 and 23 have been completely bought by him and I believe he has convinced them I am mentally ill and unstable because I have spent 7 years in therapy and their little 9 year old brother has been in therapy for 3 years. I recently changed my sons therapist to a forensic therapist and he is doing so much better. The 3 of us took the MMPI test a couple weeks ago and he and my son had a bad meeting with the therapist conducting the tests for their meeting together. My son came outside crying, frustrated and angry because he confronted my husband on his lies but my son said the therapist seemed to keep handing my husband excuses and suggesting my son was probably mistaken. He also said his dad shouted over top of him and the therapist didn’t stop the bullying. Is this common-normal for a therapist to sit back and let a parent scream, shout, deny, call their child a liar and just sift them? I am very concerned. When I saw the therapist for my interview he seemed convinced he had seen my son at a Catholic Church parking lot around the corner from my home in a raging thunderstorm on his bike. I said I would never let my son ride his bike in a storm like that but I got a gut feeling this mans mind was made up and he did not accept the truth of what I told him. It just felt weird and I have a bad feeling about this guy. His name is John Day& Associates out of Peoria, Illinois. Is their any way to check out if he has a vanity board on these custody cases. He is the almighty and powerful last word on psych exams in this small city. I am worried about what he will write in his (I understand sometimes over 30 pages of assessment on people). He spends 1 hour with each parent and 1 hour with each parent with the child. What on earth could warrant 30 pages on a basic stranger?!

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