Guidelines for posting comments on the Lovefraud Blog
PDF In the three years since Lovefraud launched, it’s grown from a website to a community. I am always amazed and appreciative that so many people are contributing. New readers arrive distraught and asking for help; other readers respond with caring and heartfelt support. People start to recover. It is beautiful to watch.
Thank you all.
As we post, there is an important fact that we must all keep in mind. Here it is: Linguists estimate that 65 percent to 90 percent of the meaning in human communication is transmitted via nonverbal cues—tone of voice, facial expression, body language. None of these cues, of course, are available over a computer. That means when we post written comments on the Lovefraud blog, 65 percent to 90 percent of our meaning may be missing.
So what happens? Without the benefit of those nonverbal cues, people interpret a post to mean what they want it to mean.
Sociopaths take advantage of this phenomenon all the time. When sociopaths are sending flowery e-mails that are full of lies, we interpret the e-mails as truth, because we want them to be true. We believe what we want to believe.
Assume honorable intentions
Here on Lovefraud, this can go either way, depending on the reader’s frame of mind. If a reader is looking for consolation, he or she may interpret another poster’s advice as supportive. If a reader is on edge—a common occurrence with victims of sociopaths—he or she may interpret another poster’s advice as being critical.
I believe this has led to some problems over the last few weeks. Some bloggers have described their situations, other bloggers have offered advice, and the original bloggers have taken offense, when none was ever intended. Reading words on the screen, the offended party could not hear the caring in the Lovefraud blogger’s voice.
Everyone who posts on this website does so to seek information and support for healing, or to help someone else who is going through the trauma. Since Lovefraud launched, I can barely remember a troublemaker. Even the two self-proclaimed sociopaths who posted were respectful, and most readers found what they said to be enlightening.
Therefore, I ask everyone to assume that all of us are posting with the best, most honorable intentions, and that we are here to support each other. If at any time you feel that a blogger is not posting with honorable intentions, please let me know.
We are a group of opinionated people, and there are going to be times when we disagree. That’s fine. I think an animated discussion of different points of view is healthy. However, all discussions should be respectful, and no one should be personally attacked.
Posting guidelines for the Lovefraud Blog
Lovefraud has gotten so big that I guess it’s time for formalize some posting guidelines. So here they are:
1. The goal of the Lovefraud Blog is to provide information about sociopaths and their effects on victims, and to help victims recover from entanglements with sociopaths. Please post all comments with the intention of promoting healing, and read comments with the intention of finding the healing message.
2. Keep in mind that Lovefraud readers are extremely diverse. Our readers are men and women from all over the world, representing different races, ethnicities, religious and spiritual beliefs (or lack thereof), education levels, economic circumstances, political views and sexual orientations. Please be respectful and tolerant of all.
3. If you find a comment objectionable, please do not respond to it. Notify the blog owner, Donna Andersen. If you suspect that someone is a predator, alert me immediately. Send e-mail to donna@lovefraud.com.
4. Please refrain from using offensive language—such George Carlin’s seven dirty words. However, feel free to imply your feelings with those wonderful characters **#$$#!!!!
5. Each article posted by the Lovefraud Blog authors starts a conversation. Please post comments related to the conversation, unless, of course, another reader has posted a comment asking for support. Then, feel free to offer it.
6. We cannot name people believed to be sociopaths without documentation. If you want to describe your personal story, please do not include names or other identifying information. If your story is already in the media, however, you may post links to it.
7. Please do not post copyrighted material such as articles from other websites, book excerpts, song lyrics or poems. This is a violation of copyright law, even if you cite the original author. To draw attention to information outside of Lovefraud, you may summarize it in your own words and post a link.
8. Please do not copy any article from Lovefraud or the Lovefraud Blog and post it on another website. This is a violation of Lovefraud’s copyright. But feel free to post links to Lovefraud content.
Once again, I thank all Lovefraud readers. Your contributions and insights about the terrible problem of sociopaths in our society, and your willingness to help others, makes the effort of maintaining Lovefraud worthwhile.
written by Donna Andersen • Permalink •
OxDrover says:
Dear dear sweet Janie,
Sweet Jane you are so strong and so wonderful, and it makes me know that if you of all people can “fall” then we all must be careful. I try so hard to be strong, to do what I know is right, and sometimes it is just so darned HARD to do. The fantasy is so appealing when you want to be loved for who you are so badly. I’m still working through the “loss” of my fantasy of my mother’s love–thank goodness I think I am over (notice I said I THINK) the x-BF-P, and I also think with the other Ps, but still is hard about my mom.
I am so glad you are feeling better now and feeling stronger. When the body gets sick our emotions get weaker and more to the surface too. I have figured that one out. And, vice versa, if we are in chaos emotionally or mentally our body will also get ill. Mind and body are ONE.
Thanks for sharing with us, Janie, it makes me feel better to know I am not alone in “letting down my guard” sometimes and just being “human.” ((((Janie)))))
BTW Aloha, I am PRESIDENT of your FAN CLUB—but to me a friend is much much more than “just a fan” (((Aloha))))
DonnaC,
You described your husband as not really appealing in many ways, and I can definitely understand that. But let me tell you a little bit about my late husband. When he was young he was a heck of an athelete, but as he aged, (he was 72 when he died) he got a paunch, and he had always had a huge nose, amost like a probiscus, but you know, BECAUSE I LOVED HIM, I saw him as the sexiest man in the entire universe. It was love that made him handsome. It was the fact that he treated me with love, consideration and respect.
Now, don’t get me wrong, he wasn’t perfect. He was an engineer and they are NEVER satisfied with anything the way it IS, they always want to “improve” on things, and I am more or less an “uppity” woman and we butted heads plenty on various subjects—long and loud. I never did convince him that he was NOT improving on building barbed wire fences, and now the fences he built are all falling down and have to be rebuilt, and the ones that I built are still strong and straight. We argued about that til I was blue in the face and finally gave up.
But when the evening was quiet we would sit and hold hands, and there was never a day of our marriage when we were apart that we didn’t talk on the phone for HOURS. Back before all the “free” long distance calls our phone billls ran into the HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS A MONTH because we wanted to “be with” each other that to us it was worth it, no matter what it cost.
My husband was 15 years older than me, and frankly, he wasn’t a “stud” in bed either, but it was always wonderful because he “made love” to me, not “fvcked” me.
And I wasn’t the only woman attracted to him, every female from 6 to 96 was “enamored” of him because he made them feel wonderful, beautiful, and desirable. He was a charming man, and his lack of “hunk-status” never stopped him from being a desirable man to me and lots of other women. When he married me he had his choice of several women, many of them 10 yrs younger than me, and much better looking, but he picked ME because he loved me for me. I returned that love. Even when I was no longer the “girl” he had known when I was a kid (we had been friends for 20+ yrs when we got married) he still thought I was beautiful and made me feel beautiful.
Sure, it is easy to fall “out of love” with someone, and start to see them in a less than alluring light, a relationship takes WORK, hard work. It takes realizing that love has to be “fed” just like a cat or a dog, or it will slowly wither away and die.
The “red hot” sex we have with the Ps may be exciting and desirable short term but that is all it is is sex for them at least. Believe me sex with someone who treats you like crap begins in the end to not be so exciting and desirable when they have just emotionally or physically beaten the crap out of you. But making love to someone you love and who truly loves you is much much more satisfying to the soul and the heart in the end. The BIGGEST and MOST IMPORTANT “SEX ORGAN” IN THE HUMAN BODY IS BETWEEN THE EARS.
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rperk6069 says:
This is my opinion only. I believe that the P/S, take the time to please you in the bedroom because this is what they do to trap you. They have learned that the best way to get you is to please you. They watch and they listen. It’s about the sex.
The good man on the other hand, may be quick to the draw and quick to shoot so to speak, but he on the other hand spends more time listening to you, getting to know what pleases you in all aspects of your life because he truly cares about you and your needs.
If I have a choice, I would would rather have “quick draw McGraw” and have him hold me all night long and genuinely care about me then to have had “great” sex with a P and have him running out the door as quick as he can pulling up his boxers and kicking his shoes out the door cuz he just can’t wait to get away.
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JaneSmith says:
My dear friends, Oxy and Southernman…
You are a true wonder and delight for me and I cherish you both and all others on here so, so very much.
Our Merciful Lord has blessed us with all these tiny, but potent miracles in our own lives, hasn’t he?
Wow….just wow….is all I can say sometimes as I am overwhelmed by His beautiful love, strength and wisdom.
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JaneSmith says:
Yes, Oxy sweets, I am at times a vulnerable, fragile human woman.
I wouldn’t wish it any other way. How would I create my gloomy, yet hopeful and inspirational poetry if I was always chipper? *smile*
Our quirks, our foibles, our warts cause us to be endearing to each other. **hug**
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OxDrover says:
Dear Perky,
AMEN! to you, Sister, RIGHT ON!!! Say Hallelujah
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OxDrover says:
Ah, yes, Janie, that “gloomy, yet hopeful” poetry—I started wrting that when I was 15! I still write it but only when I am gloomy and down—I paint when I am UP. I sing when I’ve had one too many (fortunately that is only once or twice a year!) There is something about alcohol that makes me want to sing, and my friends all make sure I don’t have that “extra” drink that brings on the singing because once they have heard it, they never ever want to hear it again. LOL I also think I can dance too when that happens, but at least the dancing isn’t as grating on the ears of the audience! LOL
I think the last time I had three drinks in a row (that’s plenty to make me want to sing) was at my son’s birthday part two or three years ago! But I guess the consolation for being a “cheap drunk” is that it makes me a “happy” one!
Golly, gee, though, Jane, I sure miss Henry! Who am I going to “threaten” with my “man tamer” skillet? James and Southernman are both so great already I don’t have to “keep’em in shape”—(sniff) I sure do miss Henry! and I hope Aloha is right and he will come back to us in the future. I do understand him needing to get off the internet for a while.
It is amazing to me how I can feel so close, really close, to so many people here at LF that I will never probably ever get a chance to meet in the flesh to give them a REAL hug! and a high five!
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JaneSmith says:
Funny that, Perk…
I have only had 2 psycho bfs who were good lovers. Or maybe not so exceptionally talented, but amorous and always “up for the act”.
The most loving, devoted, considerate, tender lovers I had were my 2 long lasting relationships with GOOD, decent, conscientious, truly loving men.
The rest were selfish and boring, in a hurry, clueless.
Um…I sound like a slut I know, but these are lovers over an extended period of time. 20 years, not 5 or 10….haha.
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JaneSmith says:
Yes, I read his comment about hightailing from the interwebby for a while. I think he feels so incredibly fragile yet to the temptations and hazards of online chat sites.
That glorious fella will not be able to stay away long. He’s just like us, Oxy: loyal, compassionate, and devoted.
Ya know, if you miss him, just go back and reread his lovely, sweet comments. That’s what I do with Lilygirl, LilOrphan, Free, etc..
I respect the connections I’ve made while sharing on LF, so I revisit past comments to keep the folks’ spirit alive in me. *huggles*
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Anneka9842 says:
I am still worried about Little, the postings there concerned me, does anyone know what happened, is this person okay?
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holywatersalt says:
Donna-
I laughed at your last line….cell phone disconnected!
See someone can stop psychos!
Just a bit of silliness….as far as your husband….the attraction did not most likely disappear you took it for granted, people do. How about giving him a bath? I am serious that can be sexy. How about trying to pretend he’s the one you want.
Think about how loving he is being. He’s the one holding the family together right now. And you both need to work on the marriage. Stay No Contact.
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alohatraveler says:
Dear Southernman,
Thanks for sharing your myspace page again. This is a good use of “space”.
)
I started a page so I could connect with my sister.. she’s a generation behind me so this is her world and I don’t totally get it but I really liked your page. Also, reading my sister’s page, I discovered she’s a funny writer. I knew this before! That was cool. And she’s not very open with me but she posts these funny blogs… it made me realize she is a grown woman with a whole life I didn’t know about. I was still thinking of her as my little sister.
Anyway, I will visit your page again for some spirit!
Aloha…….. E
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southernman429 says:
Thanks Aloha….
Myspace isn’t a bad medium in which to express one’s self, and you can really see what is in a person’s heart by what they place on their page…. I do know that generally speaking, there seems to be more people in this world today with low morals and values, with low thinking, and that is why you would see so much trash on such a site……
Joyce Meyer say this…. “Hurt people, hurt people”…. I like that thought, and it explains some sociopaths to some extent…..
As you may have noticed, the virtues that are exhibited on my page are direct opposite of those virtues that sociopaths are about…… I think on a unconscience level, one of the reasons I ran to Christ after my socio, was that I needed to be around those who were of high moral value, and those who would be of truth….. not to say that all christians are that way, and we know many are sociopaths, but that is where our decernment comes in………………
Thanks for your kind words
~R~
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OxDrover says:
Dear Southernman,
I tried to get your page to load and after ten minutes I decided it wasn’t making progress so got off, but will try again.
Dr. Viktor Frankl, in writing in “man’s search for meaning” mentions that some of his fellow inmates in the Nazi concentration camps, after release, seemed to use their own pain as a reason to “destroy” things just because they had suffered (that would be the “Hurt people, hurt people” aspect that Joyce Meyer is talking about.
Dr. Frankl mentioned one such man who after release tromped through a standing crop of grain just to destroy it, and when Dr. Frankl said please don’t do this, the man said “We have been hurt so much, why not.?”
You know, we also almost all of us, realize that our friends and family don’t “get it” how we have been hurt, and Dr. Frankl goes to this as well. When many of the former inmates came back to their homes and neighbors the neighbors didn’t want to hear it, they said “Oh, but WE have suffered too” or something along that line. The former Nazi Camp inmates were not comforted or even validated by their neighbors. This was very injuring to these people who suffered so much.
I don’t think there are “more” people in this world with “low morals” than there ever have been, I think that maybe we just notice them more. If you go back through the old testement and also through the history of the Roman empire and other old histories, I think you will fiind that the MAJORITY of the populace in these histories had low morals, the “me first” thought pattern, it is the FEW who rise above this level and behave in moral ways, follow a moral compass as it were. I think it always has been except in times of deep trouble when people will turn to spirituality for comfort. LIke the Jews did time after time. When they were wealthy and prosperous they turned away from morality (and God) and when they were beaten down by another nation, they would turn back to God and morality. Maybe that is just human nature.
Our own victimizations can give us the opportunity to turn to a more spiritual and more morally upllifting way of life, which ultimately is more fullfilling in all aspects I think, anyway.
We realize that our “security”–whether it is money, a marriage, health, whatever, can be lost “in a flash” by one thing or another, by one decision or another on our parts, by being targeted by a “thief” of our money or our emotions, etc. We then come to realize as Dr. Frankl did that when you are down to nothing but your own body and your hold on that is tenuious at best, you start to look at yourself in a different light, to survival in a different light, and to realize what is REALLY important in this world.
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alohatraveler says:
Southernman,
I have heard that saying before about hurt people and it moved me too. I think it even came into play for awhile when I was with Bad Man. I just thought he was damaged and I thought I was the cure. Won’t do that again!
I think the media these days if more damaging than ever to young people as evidence by a lot of what we see on MySapce. We see so many young people put themselves out there like wanna be porn stars… just like their idols… Brittney and Paris and MTV vidoes. It’s gross.
Oh well.
Anyway, I better stay on topic here since this the topic on staying on topic. Hehe.
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alohatraveler says:
I will say one last thing. My experience with a Pathological person has caused me to value myself more. I was a pleaser at my own expense especially when it comes to men. I thought this was how I expressed myself as a woman, to be honest.
It’s a constant battle. I have to tell myself all the time, “I am worth more. I deserve more.” I am referring to being treated not-so-special by a man. I am not talking about being/acting like a Princess. You know what I mean, I am sure.
Have a goo day.
)
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JaneSmith says:
Aloha,
What you just wrote has been my constant struggle. Daily. oy vay!
I’m a people pleaser, I know this and it’s a fundamental part of my nature, to see people smile, laugh and be happy from my care and humor.
Like you, it has taken me flippin years to truly love and value me. I think I’m pretty terrific, dont you?…haha.
I think you’re awesome, woman. I love your fire, your huge heart, your direct ‘get down to business’ communication approach.
Ahh….you are always a breath of fresh air for me when I read your comments. Too much time spent with flakes, wishy washy, LIAR types has caused me to shun those people as if I have an electrified force field surrounding me.
ZZZZZZZZZZap!!….back off or I’ll tase you again, bro!!
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Lib says:
I just finished reading this thread. My heart is aching for Little. Where is she? Little, Who diagnosed your H? Can you go to that person? Have that person call a shelter or transitional housing program. Follow OxDrover’s advice with a plan. Anyone, Is Little posting somewhere else?
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kat_o_nine_tales says:
Southernman.. your myspace is really beautiful.. I’ve never seen anything like it.
DonnaC.. I still say I think something is rotten in Denmark where your marriage is concerned. I know with my second marriage I wanted out so badly I felt rebellious every time anyone even mentioned trying to make it work.
But my husband wasn’t doing his part at ALL, and it really did hurt and anger me.
I’m going to post something I hope everyone will think about it. I used to do things I considered wrong, so that I would feel guilty, because by feeling guilt I could control the anger and rage I felt at the people in my life that didn’t meet my needs.
With my second marriage, I had a lot of trouble “not seeing him as desirable” but then again.. he did NOTHING to help the problem. He was standoffish, dirty, smelly, unromantic, he just wouldn’t make even the tiniest effort and I was really hurt and angry. BUT by this time I had learned not to do bad things to pump up my guilt, instead I went to a divorce support group and talked things over with my counselor.
I still kept trying to make it work for another couple of years, but it was a no go. I’m glad I didn’t cheat on him though, because we were able to separate amicably and get along fairly well, though we will never see eye to eye.
DonnaC.. don’t let your guilty feelings cloud your marriage problems. If the marriage sucks… it sucks.. whether you cheated or not. Take your time, work on your feelings, try whatever you have to , get counseling, but in the end if it’s a no go, it doesn’t have to be anyone’s fault.
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alohatraveler says:
Jane! You are terrific! Of course you are!
How many times in my life did I hear, “You have to love yourself first before you can love someone else?” I can’t count. I learned it. I learned it! Now I have to practice it.
When I put myself first, I feel a little catch in my heart.. like it’s not exactly right but I have to push through and do it. One thing that helps is I work with a lot of strong role models at the Children’s Shelter. They don’t know that secretly, I am learning to model myself after them. That’s one benefit of the job is the quality people that I work with. Boy do I love that!
When I hear someone else say a clear “No” it catches my attention. I am almost kind of fascinated by it… like I am thinking to myself, “Would you look at that?! They said no and the other person respected them. Wow. That’s how it’s done.”
I am an observer.
Was it you that said that some of us learned to tolerate too much? Boy was that good. I tolerated my step mother treating very unkindly for a long time. I even tried to stand up for myself at one point over a certain issue… it didn’t work. I think I always felt like she didn’t see me… and you know what… she didn’t. She didn’t see the person I am and my Dad has said this more than once.
Anyway, I am not going to blame my Step-Mom for the Bad Man situation. There were a lot of elements that came together to allow me to allow THAT to happen. A friend recently said, “It was like The Perfect Storm.” Yeah. It was.
Now I am in the calm. Peace.
Anyway, I am so very glad when anyone gets any joy from my words. You had some pretty awesome words in this thread too.
Well, I am so tired. I have been baking all day and preparing for a Bridal Shower… my little sister’s shower. I have noticed that being around all this love stuff is kinda okay for me now. It’s good for me to believe a little again.. or at least to just see others that believe.
You know what I mean?
XO E
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henry says:
aloha “The Perfect Storm” YES That sums it up pretty darn good.
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OxDrover says:
Dear Aloha,
You have progressed so much my friend! You are your own self again, independent of what is happening with others, and baking for your sister’s shower, etc. That is great! It is amazing when we start to VALUE OURSELVES and not compare ourselves to others and FEEL DEFICIENT.
I used to actually be jealous when I would see an older man and woman holding hands or being together and obviously enjoying their company together. I WANTED THAT SO BADLY! Now, I am content to be WITH MYSELF and if the other relationship does come again (I’m not holding my breath but am still hopeful) then I will savor it, but IN THE MEANTIME, I am OKAY and seeing other’s happiness doesn’t make me feel less of a person or less okay. That was a BIG GIANT HUGE (and any other adjective you can think of) step for me!
It does help too when we realize that we had been trained to “accept too much” abusive behavior from others in the name of “being nice”—”now, play nice children, even if Johnny doesn’t, you still have to play nice.” BAULDERDASH!
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HelenRGean says:
Dear Everyone,
I was victimized by a sociopath 38 years ago. I had low self-esteem and felt I was totally powerless. Nobody wanted to understand why I did it. I was berated by everyone and threatened retaliation by my parents and others. They threw it in my face at every opportunity. I was hurting in more ways than one could believe.
I was so afraid that those close to me would take drastic action that I went abroad for two years. For lst year I did not even tell anyone where I was. I used Amexco as my mailing address. Even today, my family doesn’t understand.
I don’t understand why it bothers me terribly after 38 years.
It was only about 10 years ago that my mother finally believed there was no love but fear and intimidation. One of my friends went through same thing. She does understand.
Trouble is she lives in MI and I live in CA. We mainly get together when I visit family there. I’m afraid to see a counselor because I’m sure they won’t understand. Why would they? Nobody else does or cares.
I have a hard time coping with it. If someone wants to answer me here, I’ll give them my personal e-mail plus more
details.
HELEN R. GEAN
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HelenRGean says:
For those of you who send long single-spaced letters: I’d love to read them but it can be difficult and time consuming,especially with such small print. For those of us with vision problems, could you please either double space or
use larger print?
THANK YOU!
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OxDrover says:
Dear Helen,
I am so sorry that you have had so many problems being validated and that people didn’t understand. So many years ago our society wasn’t as open as it is becoming and there wasn’t an internet, or people to talk to who would “get it.”
The pain lingers until we deal with it, and not being validated by others “getting it” makes it much more difficult to deal with.
I am so glad you came here to Love FRaud, this is a very healing community of understanding and caring people who DO GET IT. We have all been victimized as well, so we understand the depth of the pain that these human predators can leave in their wake.
I suggest that you read the articles in the archives, there are some wonderful ones there to help you start to get more information about how these predators work, and also how we can work toward healing ourselves.
Some therapists DO get it, we have several here on this blog, as well as other people who are educated in mental health and therapy. While we don’t “do therapy” here it is theraputic to be able to tell your story and have people believe you and empathize with your pain. Welcome to this healing place, I and many others, all believe it has saved our lives, and at least our sanity. Welcome.
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janm says:
Helen, Please take heart that others DO understand your pain. I have been a victim and a reader of the blog for sometime now.
I was “found” by other victims of the same serial predator and recently he married another victim. Her family has contacted me, too. Right now we are attempting every legal means to have his exploitations stopped before he hurts and robs her.
It has been therapeutic to help and support the family who cannot believe how the deceptions have turned their mother into, as of now, and unknowing victim.
It will be wonderful when this man is exposed for the fraud he is….
I went through courts, police; all who “could not” help because “it is civil; you married him” routine. Now, after several years, and many files of documents, his fraud may be exposed with the hopes of many that he will face the charges he has earned (and that is about all he has earned),
The articles will help all of us understand how we became victims; the LoveFraud community helps us to be survivors!
Wishing you the very best support and healing,
jan
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kat_o_nine_tales says:
I remember my first forays into standing up for myself. I went to this one counselor who was very professional and almost cold, but she validated my feelings about the abuse my mom had put me through. I would tell one of my childhood memories, and my counselor would just say something like “That must have been terrible for you.” Then I would cry all the way home. I cried out all those tears for that little girl that was still hurting inside.
Pretty soon I started to change the way I dealt with my family. One day I was asked for some honest advice about some crafts my sister was making to sell. My heart started pounding, because in my family it wasn’t really “safe” for me to give my honest opinion.
But since she was hoping to make money on these crafts I gave my sister some tips and very gentle constructive criticism. Evidently I wasn’t gentle enough, because immediately my mom and my sister began to berate me and harshly criticize me. I was insensitive, hyper-critical, a negative person, on and on. I started to crumble inside as usual. For as long as I could remember there had been an unspoken rule in my family: It is OK to blame and criticize Kat.
Well, no more. That day, with my heart pounding like a hammer, instead of crying and getting all dramatic or angry, I just very calmly said, “It’s not OK for you to talk to me like that, just because you don’t agree with me.”
Well, the silence was deafening, and both their jaws seemed to hit the floor. Then after a second or two of silence, they started in again harder than before. I held up my hand and said, “You don’t understand. It’s not OK for you to criticize me like that.” And I walked away. What a victory it was. That was about 12 years ago, and by now my relationship with both my mom and my sister has improved immensely.
Stick up for yourselves, be kind to yourselves, and Helen, don’t worry if you have to seek validation from others at first.
It makes me angry that some of us can be driven to suicide because of the value judgements of someone else who really isn’t worth it.
Years ago, someone said something to me that really sunk in: Don’t give anyone unworthy the power to judge you. It’s true, we GIVE the people in our lives power to hurt us, they don’t steal it from us. When we give our love to an S/P, because they are pretending to be our perfect soulmate, that is one thing. But after that mask comes off, we should never give them an ounce of power to judge us ever again.
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OxDrover says:
Dear Kat,
You are very right:
“Don’t give anyone unworthy the power to judge you.”
“we give people …the power to hurt us, they don’t steal it from us”
I think with the situation with your mom and sister, you also realized that when people ask your “honest opinion” they don’t always want what they ask for. “Do these pants make my butt look big?” LOL ROTFLMAO
When I get asked these kinds of questions about someone’s “art” or “crafts,” I usually respond with “Wow, those are really INTERESTING. How long did it take you to make them?”
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bhuvana says:
Hi to all!
I am a new one to this site.It is really very nice.Thanks for sharing the details.
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bhuvi
dating
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Indigoblue says:
Do These Stretchpants make my ass LOOK BIGGer
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James says:
Welcome to LF bhuvana and hope to hear from you soon..
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Lamp Unto My Feet says:
My heartfelt thanks to all who post here for sharing their experiences. Over a year of NC with the P. Every post was like a stepping stone for me. One foot in front of the other, one small step at a time. I am surely on the right path.
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OxDrover says:
Dear Lamp unto my feet,
Welcome to love fraud and thank you for posting. You hae come to the right place for knowledge which produces power, and I am glad you have come here, but sorry that you had the need to do so. One year of NC is wonderful, and I am also glad that you chose that path, as it seems to be the only one that can produce true healing. Welcome!
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