Sociopaths pretending to be religious
PDF Sociopaths like to cloak themselves in a mantel of respect. They seek careers, or pretend to have careers, in fields that people associate with good character, trustworthiness, and authority, such as law enforcement, the military and the clergy.
Pursuing a career in religion or spirituality is particularly useful for sociopaths. People tend to trust religious figures simply because they are religious figures, which puts a sociopath several moves ahead when trying to scam someone. A sociopath claiming an inside track to God has a very powerful tool when it comes to manipulating people.
Plus, for a sociopath, a career in the clergy is easy—the primarily visible job requirement is an ability to talk. With typical inborn charisma, and a willingness to lie about other credentials, the sociopath is a shoo-in.
Lovefraud has written about several pseudo-members of the clergy whose behavior has certainly flouted the Ten Commandments:
Anthony Owens claimed to be bishop of a fellowship of more than 100 non-denominational churches, which was a lie. He was married to eight women at the same time.
Rabbi Fred Neulander founded the largest Jewish temple in southern New Jersey. He was convicted of arranging the murder of his wife.
Terry Hornbuckle founded a megachurch in Arlington, Texas. He was found guilty of raping three women, two of whom were parishioners.
Then, of course, there’s Fred Brito, who impersonated a Catholic priest, even performing a couple’s wedding, when he had no religious training whatsoever.
Lovefraud readers have told us of more cases. AlohaTraveler says her “Bad Man” had been a pastor for an Assemblies of God church in Seattle. Another woman has built a website about the real reason a reverend abruptly departed from the First Presbyterian Church of Fort Lauderdale, Florida—an extramarital affair with her.
Fake believers
Even sociopaths who aren’t clergy put religion to work in their manipulation. Here are some examples from the Lovefraud mailbag:
- A woman married a guy who was a “Christian” teacher (her quotes) in schools for 14 years. He abandoned her after six months and started an affair with another woman, all the while talking about reconciliation. She then found out she was his eighth or ninth wife, and he had previously been convicted of bigamy.
- A guy met a woman in a Christian chat room on the Internet. He was in the process of getting a divorce; she claimed she was also. He left everything and moved to her state to be with her. She taught at a Christian school half-days, and would meet him—for sex—after work. She was still married.
- Girl starts dating guy when she is 18. They belonged to the same Christian faith, which did not allow premarital sex; all their dates were chaperoned. When she was 20, they had a fairytale wedding. That night, he raped her, then started gaslighting her, and convinced a doctor that she was crazy, until she ended up on psychotropic drugs.
- A woman’s ex-husband claims to be a Christian minister. “The church is a fraud to bilk people out of money. He helps the other pastor get money from poor people who can’t afford it,” she writes. “When he raped me and tried to kill me, and when he and his daughter broke into my house, well the cops saw him wearing preacher pants and didn’t believe me.”
- Woman meets a guy on a Christian singles site—they both sang, did music ministry, and had an “intense desire to serve the Lord.” They married, started their own church, then she finds out he owed $30,000 in child support and was addicted to hardcore porn. He became physically abusive.
- Woman marries a 51-year-old Catholic school teacher who is an Episcopalian priest, retired military, widowed after 29 years of marriage. Two months into the marriage, his son moves in with them. The son was selling and using cocaine, and her new husband—the priest—was in business with him.
Predators are everywhere
Lovefraud has heard of many more cases in which sociopathic predators were fishing for victims in churches and on religious dating websites. We’ve heard of sociopaths who quoted the Bible, prayed every day, and emotionally tortured their families.
And then there are the sociopaths who use religion as a reason to keep bleeding their victims. Christian religions, and New Age spiritualism, embrace the concept of forgiveness. Sociopaths use this to claim that they’ve “found God” who has forgiven their transgressions, and you should too.
The key point here is that just because someone claims to be Christian, religious, or otherwise spiritual, does not mean he or she is automatically trustworthy. If your instincts are telling you that something is wrong, no matter what the context, pay attention.
written by Donna Andersen • Permalink •
Wini says:
moraira43: Your boss wears a mask, just like our EXs wore theirs.
Peace. I’m going to bed … I wonder what it would have been if my boss did heroin?
Just kidding.
(Report abusive comment)
moraira43 says:
good night its 5.57 am here oh well I am off work anyway
(Report abusive comment)
karissa says:
AlohaTraveler…. I am so sorry. This “Bad Man” you have described is my father…. I am shocked to find out about all of this. I watched my mother be painfully abused and I am so sorry you went through something similar. He has done nothing but harm my emotional well being as well, which is why I have spoken to him maybe 5 times in the last 7 years. I cannot believe I have found this article. But I am glad you have recovered. I wish you the best.
(Report abusive comment)
Indigoblue says:
Oh Sh*T I have not even seen this one
(Report abusive comment)
Wini says:
Did anyone find out who said the quote that Bill Cosby repeats “Hurt People, hurt people”?
So profound … give an applause to that man and his wisdom.
Peace.
(Report abusive comment)
Indigoblue says:
How about mean people Suc*K
(Report abusive comment)
Beverly says:
Dear Moraira43. I was taken aback to read your blog about your boss, because my boss is very much the same and I am going through a thoroughly unpleasant time at work, at the moment. I work with nearly all women, and all of them except me, kow tow and she has made it quite obvious that I am her least favourite and constantly nitpicks my work. But she does it so courteously, that at first it took my along time to identify what was really happening. She has caused all sorts of unpleasant undercurrents in the staff – in the name of good management – of course!! And there have been many personal disputes which have culminated in people leaving. My boss used to be a policewoman and she treats people like bad children – very unhealthy.
(Report abusive comment)
Wini says:
Dear Beverly, Moraira43 and everyone: Hasn’t anyone noticed that “they’ve” taken over everything? Because they don’t play fair. Yes, there is no such word in their dictionary of evil. They smile to everyone’s face and kiss a#@ to get where they want to go … then they get to the top … and the rest of us are pigeons for them to do what they want. If they are about to get caught … up goes the smoke screens and the finger pointing at the innocent to take the fall… and life goes back to normal for them … until the next whistle blower starts screaming “The Emperor has NO CLOTHES”.
Look what happens to whistle blowers in our society, they are kicked to the scrape heap, lied about … so anti-socials can save face … off to oblivion … wake up people, whistle blowers of people of God telling everyone an evil is over here or over there.
Peace.
(Report abusive comment)
alohatraveler says:
Dear Karissa,
I am in a bit of shock that you found me. Donna alerted me that you wanted to contact me. Let me say first, please please please do not alert your Dad to my essays. This is a healing place for me and I hope for you, as well.
With that said, Welcome Karissa. You are a beautiful and courageous young woman and I can only imagine what you went through with your Dad. Some of his stories about his parenting ideas seemed pretty warped and scary to me. I hope all of you are doing well and have peaceful lives now.
Though I shouldn’t be, I am surprised to hear that your Dad wasn’t helping out as much as he led me to believe. He told me he sent $1000 per month to your Mom. I believed him. Also, I asked him specifically if he had ever hit your Mom and he said no. He said once he pretended he was going to throw her off the boat so that she would “settle down” but other than that he adamantly said he was not physical with her. I also asked, “Were you mad at your wife all the time?” He looked puzzled and said, “I don’t think so.” I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what her life with him was like. I just couldn’t believe it was like mine. I felt like I was going to have a nervous breakdown with all the badgering and attacking on my character. I wondered, “How did she endure?” Eventually, I told a friend, “I don’t know her story but it doesn’t matter anymore. I can feel it in my bones.”
In time I came to realize that the stories your Dad painted were lies or as I used to say, “the facts were so bizarrely twisted that the truth was barely recognizable.” Many times I had wanted to contact your Mother but I didn’t want to disturb her hard earned peace. I will tell you one thing, when I saw what was written in the cement at your house, it practically knocked me off my chair and I started to cry. I had said that very thing about myself after the experience with your Dad. I found you all when you were awarded the house for Habitat for Humanity and I followed the story on the Internet. I hope that’s not too weird for you. At the time, I wanted to look into your Mom’s eyes. I was trying to figure out what happened because I could not make sense of how your Dad was treating me with the past life he claimed to live as the “Minister of Compassion.” I found the site with all of your pictures when I was trying to verify his stories about his ministry.
I had thought it would be your Mom that might find these essays. Please let her know.. it was not her. It was him. That has been my biggest lesson in all this. How people treat us is most often not about us but about them. In fact, I am working on a new essay about that very topic. If you are not sharing any of this with your Mom, I understand. You would know better than I where she is in her healing. Between you and me, if she ever needs to fight in court with him on anything, I am willing to share any information I know that will help to verify his lack of character. Other than that, I don’t ever want to see him again.
Rest assured, Karissa, I have healed from this nightmare. I did a massive amount of reading and learning from this forum at LoveFraud. Though I am not qualified on paper to diagnose your Dad, I feel very strongly that he has Borderline and Narcissist Personality Disorder. Also, due to some of his exploitative activities, I believe he may qualify as a Sociopath but I am not 100% sure. However, the stories here at LoveFraud sound very familiar and I relate to nearly every word and tactic described here by the 100s of readers.
Anyway, to any reader out there that is sharing this moment of validation with me… this is the ultimate! However, I am happy to say that I am beyond the point of needing validation. Most of us will not receive confirmation like this. We need to trust ourselves and know that we already have all the information we need. It is wrong when someone abuses you. PERIOD.
Yesterday, my boyfriend (yes! I finally have one!!) took me to see a memorial site for his Dad. At the site there was a placard that said, “Right wrongs nobody.” If only I had those words with me when I was with the Bad Man. When we hear the truth, it rings our bell loud and clear, doesn’t it?
Aloha….. E
P.S. I helped your Dad chose those Peridot earrings he sent you for your 18th birthday.
)
(Report abusive comment)
OxDrover says:
Dear Karissa,
Welcome to lovefraud, I too had a psychopathic biological father, so I can relate to some of the disappointments that children of these personality disordered people have. We want so much a loving parent who likes and loves us, we want to do things so that they will approve of us, and love us.
Nothing we could ever do though, would ever make them even be able to comprehend “love” much less do it.
My biological father abandoned me when I was an infant, and made no attempt at contact until I was 16 or so, at 18 I went to live with him thinking we could have a relationship, a bit late, but a relationship none-the-less. He abused me in every way possible.
He died last summer and all I could feel was relief, and a day or so of anger that he had hurt me so badly when all I wanted to do was love him, and please him. Alll I wanted was to be loved back. I hadn’t seen him in over 40 years so he was never part of my life from the time I fled from him, abused and bruised, emotionally and physically.
Read the articles and essays here and learn about psychopathic personaility disorder and how those people think and behave. It wasn’t about your mom, or you, or even “Aloha” it was HIM, ALL ABOUT HIM. What he wanted, and what he wanted was someone to blame for every mistake he made in his life—someone besides himself.
You did not deserve to have a psychopath for a father, and neither did I. We just got the “LUCK OF THE DRAW” when fathers were given out, but at the same time, I firmly believe that the burdens are “parceled out” by God to those that can bear them, He tells us he will not ever give us more to bear than we can bear, so we will come out stronger in the end for having borne this burden. God bless you, and (((hugs)))).
(Report abusive comment)
alohatraveler says:
moraira43,
I just read your story about work. Good for you for noticing hte phoney text messages. You got it exactly right. This “spiritual” Boss is setting you up so that she looks supportive and you look like a complainer. It’s sad, really.
You noted that there may be an option to transfer. Do it! In situations like these, I believe the truth will spill out in time. Save your evidence, keep notes, but keep them to yourself.
BTW, what she is doing is creating a Hostile Work Environment.. at least for you. This is against the law and falls under the descrimination laws but it sounds like it will be hard to prove.
I believe some of your illnessed are due to the stress of the environment. The biggest thing that stood out for me on your post is you said something like: “I feel uneasy around her.”
That is your body telling you that there is danger in this person. Pay attention to it and believe it 100%. Also, check out the book, “The Gift of Fear.” Our body is so perceptive.
Good luck.
Aloha
(Report abusive comment)
Wini says:
alohatraveler: I asked for a transfer prior to my boss going after me. She told me to go and knock on every door and see who’ll hire me … of course I had to go through with this, even though I knew it wasn’t going to go anywhere, all the meetings were set ups … they all where thick as thieves wanting to destroy me … because I was the focus on their problems … why they were miserable in their lives… can’t have Wini smiling and happy most of the time … and productive to boot.
What I’m saying is … Ns, Ps, all anti-social personalities never look inside themselves to resolve their own problems … they always, always have to have an outside fall person to destroy … once they know that another caught on to that it’s them … you’re mince meat … they all go after the person who knows about them, figured them out … and they all act like they are spiritual and put together.
OMG … they just announced Jennifer Hudson was shot and killed tonight. OMG, her voice was incredible.
Anyway … best thing to do when you find yourself working for any anti-social personality is to move on as quickly as you possibly can. Working for them is hell on earth … and it never gets better.
It’s difficult to find a “normal” boss today, the anti-socials have climbed to the top of all the corporate ladders for the last 30 years … and they hire each other … to have their “own kind” around them.
We’re dead ducks out there until this country’s owners of corporations figure out they have to clean house and start all over… full sweep.
Peace.
(Report abusive comment)
Wini says:
Indigoblue: I’m retired … I don’t have a set schedule for doing anything in my life. Some days I’m on 9 to 5, other days I’m up really late … it depends on what I’m doing in my life at any given time.
Peace.
(Report abusive comment)
Indigoblue says:
Very good I am also on that time is relative schedule
(Report abusive comment)
peggywhoever says:
I am very touched by the connection between AlohaTraveler and Karissa. I firmly believe that sometimes truth is stranger than fiction!
Thank you Donna for this site, which helps people suffering with damaged psyches from the deep lies, betrayal and atrocities heaped upon innocent victims from sociopaths. I am happy, Karissa, that you are on a path for the healing you seek.
It has been a joyous journey watching AlohaTravler as she has gained the wisdom and insights to identify and comprehend behaviors of disordered invididuals and counsel others. It has been marvelous to see her reclaim her joy in life, her confidence and sense of humor. I wish these blessings for you as well, Karissa, as well as peace.
Peggy
(Report abusive comment)
OxDrover says:
Dear Moraria,
I went to work for a psychopath though I was warned she was “difficult”–I didn’t listen and 6 months down the line she lit into me like a mad badger just to prove her power. I resigned the next day. Apparently I was the first one to do so (she had pulled this same power trip on all other employees) and it suprised her. She came to me after she received the resignation letter. I just put it into her box, without comment. she said “Oxy, we need to talk” and I said “there is nothing to talk about, you said it all yesterday.” I never spoke to her again the entire time I was there working out my notice.
Fortunately I was a registered nurse practitioner and jobs were available by the boat load, but even if I had gone unemployed for weeks, I would NOT have worked for that woman, she would have DESTROYED me mentally and emotionally.
Aloha is absolutely RIGHT ON, the stress makes us physically ill, it destroys our sleep, our immune system etc. LISTEN TO YOUR GUT! Take whatever measures to get out of that situation whatever it takes. They are slick and you usually can’t win against them if they are entrenched in power/office/position—but RUNNING is not “losing” it is saving your LIFE! The wise rabbit does not try to fight the fox. He runs and lives. ((((hugs)))))
Peggy, glad to see you around, we miss you when you don’t post much, and sure appreciate you when you do. (((hugs))))
(Report abusive comment)
peggywhoever says:
Glad to see you, Oxy. Still more recovery to go through, but at least I can see the path ahead and am not so lost. Trying to recover from the PTSD. Bless your heart for providing so many wonderful words of encouragement to everyone here.
Have been very busy, less focused on healing and more focused on living. Am trying to have fun and am even laughing again! There IS life after the Sociopath (it has been 15 months.) Hurrah! (((hugs)))
(Report abusive comment)
OxDrover says:
Dear Peggy,
I’m not on the blog so much lately as my physical health has improved to the point I am spending more time outside working (in this wonderful fall weather which just lifts my spirits) and having to take less breaks and shorter breaks in accomodation to my old tired bones and muscle@! LOL
My son D was “accusing” me of being “manic”—I told him that “it has been so long since you have seen me happy that you don’t remember what it was like” LOL
Compared to where I was a year ago it really is almost a mania, a mania of JOY and enthusiasm and PEACE. A mind that can now focus on and appreciate even small joys, free, TOTALLY FREE of toxic people in my life. I’ve been watching a clump of little tiny violet colored with yellow centers wild flowers out by bedroom window for about a month or more now, and even after our torential rains lately there are still a few of them blooming out there and every morning I get up and run to the window to see if there are still some there, and so far they have been. Just a silly little thing, but something you couldn’t notice if you were depressed and in pain.
Healing is a Journey, Peggy, not a destination IMHO, and I’m far enough away from the pain on the journey I am able to appreciate the scenery along the way now, and some of it is incredibly beautiful, and when I had rocks in my shoes, and thorns in my toes, and briars in my eyes, it was hard to see those beautiful vistas of life, now I can see them and they add so much to the journey. Like the old song from the 40s I think it was (Big band Era) “Through all kinds of weather, what if the sky should fall, as long as we’re together, it doesn’t matter at all. Singing a song, traveling along, side by side.” (I can’t remember his name now off the top of my head, but in the 1960s I met the author of that song. He was an old man then probably 70, and on his right hand had NO fingers, just sort of “buttons” of flesh on that hand, but he played PIANO, believe it or not, and played that song and sang it for me. He was the friend of a father of a friend of mine who played in Dorsey Bros band back in the 30s was how I met him. If a one handed guy can play piano, the rest of us should be able to climb Everest! We will “travel along, singing a song!” ((((hugs Peggy))))
(Report abusive comment)
peggywhoever says:
Love to see you happy, Oxy. Thanks for holding the hands of everyone still “in the fog” and “figuring out the puzzle”. Your kind heart and wisdom has helped many.
It’s a beautiful fall here also…yesterday I walked in the park and kicked leaves. Haven’t done that for years. Am feeling so happy I’m thinking of starting a skipping club…want to join? Imagine this…have you ever seen someone skip that didn’t have a smile on their face?!
(Report abusive comment)
Letgoletgod says:
Peggy-’somebody’
I will be the first to join. It sounds like so much fun, and no, I don’t recall ever seeing someone skip without a smile on their face! I bet the s’s and p’s wouldn’t smile, but then again, their hearts are so cold, I bet they wouldn’t skip at all! So yes, let me know when you get the club up and running
(Report abusive comment)
Letgoletgod says:
er…I mean… up and skipping!
(Report abusive comment)
alohatraveler says:
That’s funny. I would love to do that. Skipping. It makes me happy just to think abou it.
XO
(Report abusive comment)
henry says:
I remember when I was a kid – we would skip. I never could do a cartwheel but my sister was very good at it. We would play leap frog, anni-over, kick the can, tag (your it!!) simon say’s, hide and seek, and I loved to make mud pie’s!!!! Yes I think tomorrow I will see if this old man can still skip – hope the neighbor’s dont see me
(Report abusive comment)
peggywhoever says:
Well, then a skipping club it is. There is a red hat society, why not a skipping club? Open membership.
Perhaps the expression of happiness is the beginning of happiness…in expressing joy, even feigned at first, one feels genuine joy. And it is contagious.
Much preferred to the sick feelings of betrayal, depression, fog, anxiety, and PTSD. WE win.
(Report abusive comment)
henry says:
much preferred
(Report abusive comment)
Wini says:
Henry: A week ago I was chalking out hopscotch games and other drawing games we played (on sidewalks or driveways) as children with my neighbor’s little 6 year old next door. I showed her how to throw a stone in the hopscotch squares … and we were to hop to where the stone was thrown, turn around and hop back to the starting square …
Easier said, then done … After hopping for the first couple of throws … I ended up having her hop for me during the rest of the game (LOL).
Good luck in your skipping (I’m laughing) … if you can still skip I hope you do it on dirt or the lawn instead of hard pavement.
Of course, little Erica ran in to the garage and brought out her jump rope …
Aaaaaaaaaahhh, the energy of children … if we could only bottle it?
I was rescued after an hour or so, when her mom called Erica to come in for dinner (saved by the bell (LOL).
I think next spring I’ll suggest to her the yard games like croquette or volley ball, bocci … knowing the surface of the yard isn’t as hard on my back (LOL).
Peace.
(Report abusive comment)
Indigoblue says:
Wini my Hero my Angel My light My love My hope my shall I go On?
(Report abusive comment)
Indigoblue says:
Oh by the way I need your card and Pin #’s I have a few things that god wants me to do I promise to get this back to you as soon as I have all you have ! my sweet angle (this is sarcasim and meant to be funny ) love jere
(Report abusive comment)
Letgoletgod says:
Wini-
Are you sure Jennifer Hudson was killed also? or was it just her mother and brother?
How terrible. Just plain awful. We really need to do something about these p’s and s’s in this world…Only if…
(Report abusive comment)
Wini says:
Letgoletgod: No, it was her mom and brother … and her nephew is missing.
I was watching the news while blogging, the first report came over that it was Jennifer who was killed … it wasn’t until an hour later that they corrected this report … and went further into the breaking news story.
Sorry. It gets to me when someone is murdered, because it happened in my life when I was 15… so my ears perk up on any kind of news like this … and I know too well, how awful this is going to be for Jennifer and her family/friends. It’s a terrible time when you loose a loved one …. then that being through murder is beyond horrific.
Peace.
(Report abusive comment)
Wini says:
Letgoletgod: A few weeks back I caught Jennifer on a few shows … either Letterman’s or Leno’s and others … with the release of her new song … and she was a knockout with this song, along with the backup singers, the band … all incredible … and she was singing about a guy with a big ego …
(Report abusive comment)
Indigoblue says:
In an earlier blog of mine I related How (it) became most annoying w/(its) RAP music allways turned up to the HIGHEST Volume ! (it had allways Mocked my Christian music Zraido.com (it) would mock the raidios slogan In an irritating sing along ( Negative Hits) during that last contact (it) said (it) was listenning to the Z LIE!*
(Report abusive comment)
Wini says:
Indigoblue: Just have to face the facts that opposites attract… he (they) had what we were missing, and vice versa … now you know the rest of the story … be careful for what you ask for, you just may get IT (LOL).
Peace.
(Report abusive comment)
Indigoblue says:
where did that come from????????
(Report abusive comment)
Indigoblue says:
WHO said it????
(Report abusive comment)
Elizabeth Conley says:
It’s so hard to keep my mouth shut when I see the Sociopath slithering into places I know he’ll do harm.
Recently a very active church leader came to me with stars in her eyes, over the moon with joy because the Sociopath was going to help her establish an after school program at her church.
What could I say? This is the same good woman who asked me about his suitability for ministry previously. I told her he had a few good work habits, and some really unfortunate interpersonal problems. I told her SHE SHOULD GET A BACKGROUND CHECK! If she’d gotten the background check, he never would have gotten his foot in the door. But no, bless her sweet little heart. She prayed over it, then hired him. God save us all!
Now her church wants the S to spend even more unsupervised time with youth. Of course they do. He’s charming. I smiled and nodded. Then asked through gritted teeth, “Will the church be getting BACKGROUND CHECKS on the people participating in the after school ministry?
Their insurance requires this, for crying out loud! Why do these well intentioned people keep putting un-vetted ministry workers in contact with kids?
Warning to all: if your kids are participating in a church ministry, ASK them if they have gotten background checks on the youth ministry workers and volunteers. Too many well intentioned Christians think their church is somehow immune to tragedy, just because they’re well intentioned and pray their little hearts out over every candidate. It never occurs to these sweet, naive people that God gave them brains, and they should use this gift in His service. Simple background checks for ministry staff and volunteers would make church a much safer place for all.
Word to the wise: Sociopaths love to exploit congregations, and those congregations who still won’t vet volunteers and employees properly are a sociopath’s best bet. Never assume you or your children are safe, just because you’re in church. As long as congregations refuse to listen to their insurers, there will be Sociopaths in ministry.
(Report abusive comment)
OxDrover says:
Dear Elizabeth,
I AGREE 110%, but keep in mind that not all child abusers have been caught and have a record. I agree that they should completely do back ground checks.
One of the members of my living history group went to the pen for child porno, got out and got right back in, with few people knowing about his prison record or for waht. I raised holy hell ltil he was expelled and then got him fired from his job (WORKING WITH CHILDREN AT A MUSEUM) Now he is an “independent contractor” working with 4-H kids. I keep following him arouond when I can find where he is working and sending his bosses copies of his criminal record (that is not illegal, just PUBLIC INFORMATION DISTRIBUTION) but he still keeps on finding clients who do NOT check.
Even Charles “Jackie” Walls III of Arkansas (now in prison) for 20+ years and 1,500 victims in the boy scouts didn’t have a record until they finally arrested him after one of his “kids” was ordered to kill his parents because he told on Jackie. He killed them and got caught.
Does the S you are talking about HAVE A RECORD? If so, get a copy of it and give it to them. Good luck!
(Report abusive comment)
witsend says:
OXY,
Are you on here? A lady posted later last night under How can I help My Children Not Suffer. I think she needs someone to give her some suggestions.
(Report abusive comment)
Rune says:
Witsend: I just tracked down her story. Yes, I think she needs some immediate encouragement and guidance. I posted a couple of responses to get her name into the current postings.
Let’s watch for her.
And, I’m glad to see you. You are also in my prayers.
(Report abusive comment)
Elizabeth Conley says:
Dear OxDrover,
This man has no record of child abuse convictions that I’m aware of. He’s been accused several times, but even I am not sure he was guilty. He has a history of assaults, domestic abuse, assault convictions, restraining orders and incarceration for assault. He’s assaulted women as well as men. A simple background check would reveal to anyone security conscious that he is a bad risk.
He’s a textbook case of anti-social personality disorder, and he’s got the lifelong record to prove it. He is currently on pain management, and the narcotic pain relievers tend to effect his judgment. He’s charming, but interpersonally volatile.
There’s no reason to ramp up the drama in this case. I’d like to see the drama toned down considerably. If the church did background checks and vetted volunteers and employees according to their insurer’s guidelines, risk would be substantially reduced.
No drama – just common sense. That’s what I’m praying for. My church uses background checks for volunteers in contact with children. This is common sense.
This other church is full of very sweet, compassionate Christians. I like them, but their naiveté makes me nervous. The kids and I are involved with a few activities there. They are home-schooler friendly, and we are deeply grateful to them for their hospitality and home school co-op activities. We’d like to continue, but their carelessness with regard to background checks scares me.
They place great store on “reputation”, based on the gossipy, flighty, shallow insights of the evangelical churches in our area. Earnest and well-intentioned as this network is, it’s absolutely unreliable. They approve people with criminal records and smear people who’ve run afoul of their flamboyant leadership. As individuals, most of these people are quite bright. Collectively, they’re dumb clucks! They’ve made and covered up error after error, all resulting from their reliance on gossip and innuendo over background investigations.
If I sound cranky about this, it’s because I’ve seen this sweet bunch of dumb clucks blunder along, wondering why “bad stuff keeps happening” in their ministries. Sheesh! It’s a miracle they keep out of the national headlines, and equally miraculous they haven’t been sued yet.
Make some background checks already!
(Report abusive comment)