The triggers that come back from time to time do tell us that we have more healing to do (there is a thread here on that, go back and reread it again. I do quite often)

A few weeks ago when my contact with my XDIL-P and my mother triggered a “break down” and tears etc. I realized I had some more healing to do, and I THINK I got it right this time, but if another trigger zings me I will go back and redo it again, eventually as we make baby steps we start to be able to make bigger steps, so don’t let this little set back make you think you haven’t already done a LOT of healing because you have, and these little back tracks are just to “sweep” the corners again where we missed a little something with the “broom” of our healing. I find when I sweep my kitchen with a real broom that I always have to go back and do it again because somehow no matter how carefully I sweep there is always a pretty good pile of stuff I missed the first time through, so I do it a second time and am always amazed at the pile of dirt I missed the first time through. I think our healing is the same way emotionally, and we miss a pile of pain here or there, little ones, but as we “keep sweeping” we get it all “cleaned out” ((((hugs)))))

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Remember this whenever you think of your EXs. Remember the punch in your nose and they will continue to punch every time you open your door (aka, your heart, your mind, your emotions). You can only knock on their door when they too, go through self evaluation, feel the emotions, grow, forgive, be compassionate again, learn how to love and respect every one and everything.

Peace to your heart and souls as you go through the process of recovering after the abuse.

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I feel sorry for the new victim and the children she is having with him. Especially the children. They are innocent and he has 4 older children already with his ex-wife that he doesn’t take care of or support.
I see I have quite a bit farther to go in the healing process, just thought I was farther along then I truly am.

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But after I calmed down, I resolved NOT to speak to any mutual acquaintances about info on either side, either coming from me or him. He still doesnt know I have had cancer, as although I know he will never contact me again (he did too much), I will never contact him for any reason, even to let him know that.

Finally, I know that whatever relationship he is in, will never work out long term (unless he finds a willing slave) and that as soon as he is up to his tricks, most women will put him out with the trash. So take heart Rperk, its just a way of winding you up and engaging all your thoughts on him.

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I’m so sorry you are going through this right now, I do know how hard it is..but Henry’s suggestion is the right one, now that ou are NC physically you need to go NC emotionally. That means no talking about him, and no listening about him.

But keep this in mind, “she’s off meth”–I’m glad for her, but do you really think she will STAY off meth with the P in her life? Probably not. “Having another baby”—boy that makes me hAPPY—NOT!!! A meth head for a mother and the P for a father, that child in cursed before it is born without even one good functional parent.

Hun, he will never be “doing wonderful” for very long, you can BET on that. She is not better than you are, and my guess is that she is just strung out enough on the Meth that for this minute she thinks he is “wonderful”–by getting preg again we can tell for sure she isn’t “wise” now can’t we?

You got the best of the deal, my dear,you got RID of HIM!!

(((((BIG HUGS))))

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… Oh, by the way, even the obnoxious (that’s what Tolle calls them, obnoxious with heavy pain bodies) is our expressing our love for God. What we see in others is our love for God.

Remember this while you heal yourself. Be kind and good to yourself. If you don’t want to answer the phone or the door, don’t. If you don’t want to see someone and they insist on coming by. Don’t. Now is the time for you. I liked soaking for hours in a steamy hot tub with my favorite music playing …. one night I couldn’t even get out of the tub. I was going to freak, but I chilled and managed to climb out. I was like a floppy doll. (LOL) ….ooooohhh, oooooohhh, oooohhh, I just remembered what Tolle said about sleeping. Lie directly in the middle of your bed … arms and legs stretched out, flat on your back, no pillow … and go to sleep. He said, that’s what we are suppose to do while we sleep. You are going to sleep like a baby. And after you do, thank God for this (smile) that’s God pampering you.

Peace.

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Go read the essay thread on “triggers—mean there is anger and pain you need to process” it is really a good one. I recently went through a new set of paiin over my NC with my mother, and I thought I had that “ghost” put to rest, but obviously there was still some lurking pain and anger I hadn’t processed. I THINK I am through it now, at least consciously I FEEL like I am, thinking about her, visualizing her in my mind, etc. and even realizing today how she used “mind reading” to accuse me of things, or to excuse herself for the things she did to me, like not telling me about my aunt’s memorial service “Well, I didn’t think you’d want to go” etc.

I realized she had done that to me my entire life, but (roll eyes and shrug shoulders) so what, just more of “the same” stuff she’s done that I hadn’t even noticed as “abuse” but now can see that it was a form of abuse.

We all I think have some back and forth “progress” and I think it can be expected, but of course it still hurts, but each back step allows us to run forward when it is over. (((Hugs))))
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That’s funny. When my best friend refused to call me a b*tch, I told him..”Fine. I’ll just antagonize some random guy out on the street, maybe HE will call me a b*tch. My luck though, he’ll ask me out on a date!”

Ya know, I’ve read that in pagan mythology, people would worship the 3 goddesses: The Maiden, The Mother, and The Crone. The Maiden for virtue, purity, thirst for knowledge; The Mother for bringing forth life, compassion, nurturing spirit; and the Crone for good ole wisdom, what she gained through a lifetime of experience and shared with the youngsters.

I worship only the Lord, but I think it’s important to celebrate the cycles of a woman’s life. Don’t you agree?

I also wanted to say I read your comment ^ there about the psycho list. Maybe I’m being skeptical but I really believe that the statistics are too darn low for psychopaths AND the entire spectrum of PDIs. If the lousy psychiatric associations can’t even agree to a decisive term, then how can we expect them to do any valid research? And if they have “performed extensive research” just where did they locate the subjects? What tests did they administer to determine if subject A has a definitive PD.

I’m just gonna do what you’re gonna do: STAY the H*LL away from them if even one iddy biddy red flag pops up on my radar. I’m taking no more foolish chances with my sanity, my physical person, my valuable precious life!

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