“Nothing says I love you like a Glock”
PDF I was going about the morning as usual, working on my next book, with CNN on in the background, when I heard what has to be the sociopathic quote of the year, “Nothing says I love you like a Glock.” I have not shared much about my own experience with a sociopath, but one of the things I am most ashamed of is that I did not react more strongly to my former husband’s preoccupation with guns. He did not personally own any gun, but he talked about them a great deal, and he was very persistent about the idea that I should learn how to shoot. He also wanted me to own a hand gun. I did take the NRA gun safety course and I learned how to shoot. I have to say, target practice was fun and I was good at it. I had and still have, an aversion to guns, and so never applied for permission to own one of my own. I felt like a fuddy-dud though, after all our Constitution does give us the right to arm bears, or is it bare arms? I don’t know…
What I do know is that the presence of a hand gun in the home is statistically associated with completed suicide. Access to weapons means a greater likelihood of using them on one’s self or others on impulse. A good thing did come from my training in fire arms, that was I became a more comfortable asking my patients if they owned weapons. All psychiatric/psychological evaluations should include this question.
The sociopathic quote of the year belongs to Drew Peterson, a man who the entire country believes may be responsible for the disappearance of his wife. To read the story visit The Chicago Tribune Website.
Although many people who own guns and use guns are not sociopaths, nearly all sociopaths are in love with guns. This is not discussed at all in the scientific literature but, in my conversations with other victims, they have verified the obsession. Sociopaths are in love with guns because they are the ultimate symbol of power and sociopaths are preoccupied with power. Sociopaths enjoy not only real guns, they also enjoy toy guns and violent videogames. Many studies have shown that sociopaths enjoy violent entertainment more that the average person.
If someone you suspect is a sociopath, wants you to have a gun, please get away from that person immediately. I strongly believe that many sociopaths who do not kill their partners, get their partners to kill themselves. Obviously, a person can also be murdered in such a way that it looks like a suicide. Please notice that Mr. Peterson bought his wife a gun as a Valentine’s day present. How telling is that? How sick is that?
written by Liane Leedom, M.D. • Permalink •
one/joy_step_at_a_time says:
@mango – I hear you!
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lesson learned says:
Mango
If you can do it about alcohol, you can do it about your spath too.
I’ll be praying for you. You’re on my list
I hope and pray you will be free. I know you can be.
God Bless.
LL
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Ox Drover says:
Dear Meg,
STRESS is a killer. I am reading a great book now on diet, exercise and decreasing stress in order to control heart disease, diabetes, etc. written by a cardiovascular researcher (not some Beverly Hills Doctor-feel-good-to-sell-books.)
I totally agree with him. Stress has been proven to be as TOXIC as anything you can do to yourself—drugs, alcohol, etc. I got so sick that I had 4 life-threatening infections in 2 years, 2 hospital admissions, several surgeries, and 4 major drug reactions (never had one before) and it is a wonder I did not die.
It is SO IMPORTANT that we lower our stress levels and KEEP THEM DOWN, by whatever means necessary that focusing on that alone will be well worth our whiles. I allowed first one, then another situation to stress me out and keep my stress hormones very high, and these are very TOXIC in long term situations, though are beneficial when we have the”fight or flight” and have to run from a tiger. Long term, they EAT our hearts, lungs, and other major organs.
TAKE CARE OF YOU, Meg. This jerk is not worth the goo between your toes….not worth the damage the stress over him will do to your body and mind and soul. ((((hugs))))) God bless.
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ErinBrock says:
“Goo between your toes????”
Nice visual moxy!!!!
SPIT……
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akitameg says:
Oxy–
I don’t have goo between my toes!!!!!
Thank you for thid info cuz it is soooooo true.
I am having this crazy stomach test done tomorrow and I am scared. They are putting some device down my nose and into my stomach to monitor what is going on. why I have acid reflux on and on– and that it does not respond to drugs. This is why I have had to stop singing professionally– cuz days, like today, I wake up with no voice.
Please pray they see what is wrong. I am tired of going thru diagnostic tests.
They do not know if it is my stomach or esophagus.
wouldn’t it be something if it were stress?
I don’t know- this just doesn’t end and has been going on for four years!
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tobehappy says:
All illness (dis-ease) is stress related.
Read Louise Hay “You can heal your life”.
She even tells you what emotions are related to body parts!
Bruce Lipton researched studies that proved that over 1/3 of all illnesses are healed with our minds…placebo effect.
Very interesting!
When I was trying to leave my xsocio…I got mursa. A good friend of mine…a guy….was having a breakdown from an experience with a socio woman….and he even got mursa!!
Uncanny!!
Mursa can kill. I believe that it was symbolic of being with the x…I was so stressed…my immune system was so weak…
You can’t separate body and mind…its connected.
I refuse to let a disordered person on this earth shorten MY life!!!
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mango says:
Hi Meg
I went through a (different) traumatic event about 3 years ago and, as a result, broke out in full-body psoriasis…..I had NEVER experienced anything like it before. It was everywhere, even on the soles of my feet…
What ended up healing it was 1) a move to the ocean
)) and 2) changing my diet to vegan and largely raw—as in the majority of what I ate was juicy fruits in abundance and lots of salads, nuts, avocados, etc…I still had my one or two cups of joe a day but that way of eating was so nutritive and so gentle. I remember just intuitively knowing that my cells were screaming out all of the horror that I just couldn’t verbalize or consciously deal with…..*sigh*.
There are some great websites for this, if you’re interested, like http://www.rawfoodtalk.com. Oh yeah, and the bright eyes and glowy skin plus weight loss were nice, too!
I wish you speedy healing. (((hug)))
-mango
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tobehappy says:
My one daughter is a vegan. The other one a vegetarian.
My third daughter and I have been eating lots of what they eat…veggie burgers…vegan cheese …rice, beans…tofu…lots of fruits and vegetables. I even cut out milk..only soy milk.
I’ve lost weight while eating more than I ever did…have energy and feel better than ever.
I don’t even want meat or even fish anymore! The meals my kids make are gourmet!! They use lots of healthy spices…like sofrito..tumeric…basil..and lots of nuts.
We all feel so much better and are enjoying our meals more!
What you eat is a life or death decision. I think of this before I put anything into my mouth.
Trauma definitely comes out thru our bodies…(dis-ease) .
Gotta take care of our TOTAL self….mind and body.
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lesson learned says:
Akita,
I think I know what procedure you’re talking about. Endoscopy. I’ve had one and it wasn’t too bad. I had acid reflux really bad, but it was the IBS that was the major killer for me.
I understand how diagnositic procedures can be frustrating (OY!), but go through it anyway. Better to know than not know.
Hang in there.
LL
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Ox Drover says:
REsearch on the physical manifestations of stress as well as the mental problems caused by it has been going on for decades and pretty well proves that the body and mind are ONE, not two.
Our immune systems are hit hard by stress and our immune systems protect us from all kinds of things from germs, viruses and even cancer, so stress in overwhelming these systems breaks down everything in our body one cell at a time.
In order to be healthy physically and mentally, we must calm ourselves and live in peace. Not easy to do when you are living in a WAR ZONE mentality. But at the same time, our PEACE and our CALM is what we generate INSIDE OURSELVES and our happiness should be SELF MADE, not dependent on what is going on on the outside of ourselves.
We can find PEACE and CALM in any kind of situation if we work hard enough at it. Sometimes peace or calm is more challenging than other times, but ultimately it depends SOLELY ON OURSELVES.
Even a person who truly loves you cannot provide you with peace, calm and security–they might die or something happen to them, and then where would you be without your OWN INNER PEACE, CALM AND HAPPINESS? My husband didn’t decide one day to die and leave me alone—but I had put way too much of my responsibility for my happiness on his shoulders and when he “left” (died) I had nothing to fall back on and I became UN-happy, not just sad at his loss, but NOT-HAPPY and not Secure in my own self. He didn’t leave me this way deliberately, but I had ALLOWED myself to become way too dependent on him for my happiness. Others even ones who love us can and do go away or die. So even if we have only GOOD PEOPLE in our lives, we still must DEPEND on ourselves for our security and happiness.
Sure, if someone dies we mourn them, we are SAD, but being sad is not the same as NOT being “Happy” or “peaceful,” it is SAD, feeling a loss, but if you are happy to start with and peaceful, that sadness will not overwhelm you.
Learning to be sad over a loss, but not to let that sadness undermine happiness or security, that’s what I am working on.
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lesson learned says:
Ox,
How do you begin to go about finding that for yourself? Maybe that sounds like a silly question, but….how?
LL
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ErinBrock says:
Oxy……
As I have always said…..”WE WALK THIS EARTH WITH ONLY OUR SHADOWS”.
It’s up to US guys! Good, bad, ugly or indifferent.
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lesson learned says:
**sigh**
Ok, trying to stay in the NOW about the biopsy, scheduled for a couple of hours from now. The unknown is scary, but been reading up on it. I guess I fear the pain more. needles, eh, no biggie. Hopefully I”m numb enough NOT to feel it. I don’t see how a topical can numb an area INSIDE the breast!
I’m going to take GOOD care of myself today afterwards. Try not to freak out on stuff and hope for the best with the outcome, even though I feel nervous about that too.
LL
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Ox Drover says:
LL,
No, it isn’t a silly question, but it isn’t something that you can “take a class in”– but one of the first things we have to do is to stop feeling sorry for ourselves. We have to take ABSOLUTE responsibility for ourselves, and that means owning up to the fact we have done some pretty sheety things to others in our lives as well. None of us are “innocent lambs” without sin ourselves, we have made bad decisions—we have done things we should not have done.
Your little episode of striking out last night was totally unnecessary and uncalled for. I do realize you are in FEAR because of your health issues, and you are raw from the D&D but it is unnecessary to strike out at others because we are in pain.
HOW DO I KNOW? Because I have DONE IT! I have reached out and gobsmacked (verbally) people who had no intention of hurting me, but were actually reaching out a hand in empathy and compassion. I am learning to control that angry response though, and I suggest that you might do so as well. It isn’t always easy.
Sure, I’ve had some really crappy things done to me, and I have “set myself up” to have these things happen by allowing myself to be talked into doing things I knew were not always kosher. I enabled others, focused my energy and strengths on taking care of other’s problems while my own “house” was on fire. I allowed people to use me—repeatedly. So “sheet on me once, shame on you—sheet on me twice—SHAME ON ME.”
So the first time wasn’t my “fault” but the second and the third and the 100th were my responsibility because I knew they were not honest.
Like that old, well known story about the Indian who came up on a rattle snake one day by the side of the river. The snake said “I can see by your headdress that you are a brave warrior, and I’d like to ask a favor of you, would you carry me across the river. I can’t swim, and I know you are a brave man by all your feathers, so if you’d carry me across this river I’d be ever so grateful.”
The Indian looked at the snake and said “You’d bite me if I picked you up, you’re a snake.”
The snake said, “Oh, I promise not to bite you, my wife and children are on the other side of the river, pleaaaaaae carryt me across.”
Finally the Indian, getting apromise from the snake not to bite him, picked up the snake and started wading the river. About half way across the snake bit the Indian on the throat giving him a lethal dose of poison.
The Indian gasped as he died, “You said you wouldn’t bite me, now I will die and you will drown. WHY?”
As he slipped under the water to drown, the snake replied “YOU KNEW WHAT I WAS WHEN YOU PICKED ME UP.”
Many times the psychopath (or others) will do us in knowing that they intend to do this, but we ALLOW them to convince us we are being “a nice guy” to help them out, or whatever it is they want….yet we KNOW WHAT THEY ARE.
If you get involved with a married man—even one with a “bad, mean evil wife who won’t give them sex”—there is NO DOUBT THAT YOU ARE DEALING WITH A MAN WHO IS DISHONEST. He is a CHEAT.
If he will cheat on her, he will cheat on you. NO matter how you slice it, if you deal with dishonest people they will sooner or later be dishonest with you as well. There IS NO HONOR AMONG THIEVES. I dealt with people who were MEAN—who were dishonest—-and I “forgave” them over and over for the dishonesty and the meanness, to MY OWN REGRET. I should not have done that. I won’t do it again.
I also realize that no matter how much my husband loved me, or how much I loved him, there is no guarantee that there will be someone with you for the rest of your life. People die. People leave. People get sick. That is life. That is death.
I am in the end ultimately responsible for myself, no one else is responsible for me. Like EB says it is me and my shadow, no one else. Kids die or leave, lovers die or leave, friends die or leave, family dies or leaves, I will eventually die. So where is the “happily ever after, always someone to take care of me” guarantee for life?
NEWSFLASH: THERE IS NO GUARANTEE IN LIFE EXCEPT THAT WE WILL EVENTUALLY DIE. No guarantee of health or happiness or a home or that there won’t be a tornado or earthquake or war or a psychopath come barreling down on us and sweep us away. Life is NOT FAIR. Life itself is a risk.
No matter what you do in life, there are risk:benefit ratios to consider. If you take an aspirin there is a RISK that it will cause you to bleed and you will die. Not much of a risk probably, but SOME risk. Is it worth it to take it when you have a head ache? Probably, but some people DO die from it.
When you get in your car to drive to the grocery there is a RISK you will be killed in a wreck on the way there. Is it worth it to get out or should you stay in your house and never leave for fear you might be in a wreck?
When the Trojan horse was stalking me, intent on killing me, I was in TERROR, but no longer. I realize he could sneak up here one night and shoot me dead and I might have NO warning. But you know I have decided I am NOT going to live in TERROR –the worst thing he can do, or son P can do, is to kill me, and you know, being afraid all the time makes living not worth the trouble. So I’ve decided, made a conscious decision that I will NOT live in TERROR or in fear all the time, and I won’t live in anger and rage all the time either. I won’t live irritated or mad, but I WILL LIVE IN PEACE AND CALM—and enjoy the blessings I have each day. Simple blessings. The sun is shining today and it’s cold, but I’m on my way out. The blizzard comes tonight and tomorrow–and then I will make “snow ice cream”
Bowl of snow, vanilla flavoring, some sweetner, pour on milk til consistency of ice cream, then ENJOY!!!!
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lesson learned says:
Oxy,
You’re right about last night. That had everything to do with my issues completely.
Yet one more thing to chat with my therapist about. I feel so much self hatred for my participation. I’m really angry with myself. ANd still trying to come to grips with that as well as my relationshit with spath. I find myself irritated and angry a lot lately. I need to change my perspective on things, just not sure how yet.
So having said that, Katy, AGAIN, I’m sorry that I lashed out at you. It was MY guilt, shame and anger. It wasn’t for me to project onto you. I DO know you were, AGAIN, trying to be helpful. I hope I can get past this part of the process, all the anger. Yep, Ox, I think I need to learn how to deal with my anger for sure.
The rest of your post is something I’d like to give some thought too for awhile.
Gotta get ready for proceeeeeeeeeeedure!
LL
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skylar says:
sounds great Oxy, Vanilla Snow, yummm.
I like what you said about not living in fear all the time. What would be the point of dying a thousand deaths? That’s what the spaths want us to do. My exP would constantly remind me of all the things on this earth that could hurt me. He pretended to “worry” about me.
My mother has always done the same thing. Even when she said she prayed for me, it was a prayer that I would be protected. It was her way of telling me how much danger there is out there in the world. Well if she cared that much then why didn’t she ever protect me herself? Like when she knew my exP was only with me with the intent to take all my money but she didn’t tell me.
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skylar says:
About the effects of stress on the body.
http://blogs.howstuffworks.com.....lashbacks/
It has been shown that PTSD actually changes your DNA. Your genes don’t change but the expression of them does: your phenotype changes. This is done by some methyl tags that attach to places on your DNA.
So, yes, there is definitely an impact to stress.
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Ox Drover says:
Good luck LL. Hope all goes well. (((hugs))))
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lesson learned says:
Thanks Ox.
Me too!! I’m more looking forward to my therapy tomorrow though
LL
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tobehappy says:
LL….I had the biopsy done years ago…It hurt a little…but it was quick and over with. I will pray for you. Sending good positive energy across the USA!….. HUGS
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tobehappy says:
How do you find yourself? How do you self actualize?
It takes effort, work…..but its so possible.
You have to write a lot. You make lists of all of your attributes…and then a list of things you want to change.
You journal your life….as it tells you in Betrayal Bond…your earliest feelings…..FEELINGS …not events only.
Then you begin to do things to better yourself…such as going back to school…getting into shape….reading spiritual books and listening to relaxation tapes ….that help you to FEEL again.
The more you do to better yourself….even just taking a class for a hobby,….creating something new…paint, sculpt…knit….CREATING helps you to feel good about yourself.
THats a start.
Hope this helps.
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Ox Drover says:
Good suggestions 2Bhappy
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tobehappy says:
Thanks OXy…..I know its a lot of work to find who you are and to feel worthwhile.
BTW……I got a phone call and text tonite about an hour ago, from the xbf, who I have avoided since New Year’s eve.
To refresh, we got back together in July and started over as friends…just talked and went out to the movies..etc. It was ok for awhile until we ended up sleeping together.
I decided that I didn’t want to anymore. So we just went out and talked on the phone. No “I love you’s”…etc.
I decided to end it but I just never called him back. I wanted to write a short note to explain why and put closure on it all.
I never did.
So, I dreamt last night with him for the first time. In my dream, a text came in on my phone. I was telling my sister about this today.
Lo and behold…I am psychic. He texted me. I texted him back that I was sorry about how I ended it. He said he wanted to be “friends”. I told him that I didn’t think that could work…but no hard feelings…we can keep in touch sometimes.
I wish we never became “lovers”. We were colleagues and friends prior to getting involved. I liked talking to him. But, once we “fell in love/lust”,….it ruined it.
One thing I know, is that he cannot manipulate me anymore. He wanted to meet up tonite! I told him I wasn’t up to it. He joked and said “you’re evil”…..
Funny he should use that word!!!!
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lesson learned says:
tobe,
Just a question…..why would you even consider hearing from him sometimes? Occasionally, once in awhile?
What a BASTARD tobe. Seems to me these guys pick up on when you’re doing well and then like missiles seek to DESTROY you after all you’ve built. I see a little waffling here, tobe. Not that I don’t get that, cuz I do….and I’ll tell ya, it would be so easy to suck me in and then deny I’m being sucked in. Even for a “sometimes”.
NC TOTALLY. That’s what you’ve encouraged me to do. Now I”m encouraging you to DO IT COMPLETELY too
HUGS
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tobehappy says:
Hey LL….
The last time we got together…from July to NYeve…it was really just a friendship. We just talked on the phone…and hung out as friends. When I ended up sleeping over his house one night…we did have sex. I decided then, never to again and didn’t. We just remained friends and I hadn’t seen him for several weeks before Nyeve. We spoke on the phone. I didn’t mind that.
The reason I decided not to see himanymore, in person, was because he planned to come down for 4 days…(he lives 40 miles away)…to hang out and do stuff, because he was off of work. I decided I didn’t want to do anything with him anymore…just talk on the phone once in awhile..to touch base.
My r/s was over all of 2010 until July…and then we started talking again. At this point…I was “indifferent” with him and not angry or hurt anymore. I accepted that he is not the man for me. I still feel that way.
I didn’t like the way I ended it and its been bothering me since. It just wasn’t civil and he didn’t do anything this last time around to hurt me. I didn’t even explain…I cut him off. I felt like a sociopath.
So, now that we spoke and I told him how I feel…I actually feel better. I don’t feel like such a shrew. I told him that I don’t know how we could be “friends”. And, I plan to keep the boundaries up…by not meeting up with him in person. If he wants to call me and talk shop…I’m fine with that. But, there is NO way that he can manipulate me now. So, I imagine that when he realizes that he won’t be seeing me….he will stop calling me and move on.
NC is VERY important with men who are manipulative. Engaging in their “web” just prolongs agony. I am not engaging in his life anymore. That much I know.
I didn’t meet him tonite. I’m “bulletproof” now.
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tobehappy says:
Oh, he said that he thinks about me all of the time….was “afraid” to call me…afraid to get rejected….and feels there is a big “void” not talking to me and he was hurting.
Well, if ANYone wants me in their life…they have to be honest, giving and caring…..or I don’t have the time and energy for them. I’m done with giving and not getting.
So, I doubt that I will be talking to himmuch. If he knows he can’t get me back…he will give up and leave.
Yes, they wait until you cool off and then they try to wiggle their way back. I’m too wise for that.
Tomorrow I go for my court ordered mediation for my mortgage…..
Hopefully I can keep my home!
LL….So glad that you are taking care of YOURSELF.
And, if you ever feel so sad and down…you need to call your therapist to talk. I used to ….sometimes everyday in between appts!!!
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lesson learned says:
tobe
I love you. And that’s why I’m going to say what I”m going to say here.
1. Oxy needs to get out her frying pan and BONK you!
2. You’re speaking as if this guy IS NOT a spath and can be “normal” in a friendship. Spaths don’t do that, tobe.
3. Believing your bulletproof is a mistake. Here’s how I know this: You would not be entertaining ANY notion of friendship or any contact at all if you were.
4. He’s manipulated you already. You’re allowing him to speak to you trying to talk yourself into some reality that he’ll just go away if you don’t sleep with him, or engage in a relationshit with him again.
Let me ask you this tobe. Think about the LAST time he saw you and what happened. Why did you drive away with RESOLVE NOT to speak to him again? ANd now you are?
As long as you speak to him, he’s not CARING about your “bulletproof” empowerment now, nor does he CARE about your boundaries.
YOU KNOW BETTER THAN THIS TOBE.
NC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL THE WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks tobe. I’m trying.
LL
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tobehappy says:
Aww….thanks so much LL!
I spoke to him to relieve my own guilt for how I ended it.
I was upset that he didn’t see me the night before…but, truthfully, I just didn’t want to see him anymore and I didn’t know how to end it. I didn’t want to end on a bad note.
He is selfish, and paranoid…(was a cop and thinks everyone is evil)….and really doesn’t want a g/f, only sex. And, I stopped that months ago.
I am looking for a romantic love relationship with a man who I have things in common with. If not, I have plenty of friends to do things with. I don’t need him in my life.
I am able to just talk to him without letting him manipulate me. I don’t hate him. I feel sorry for him because he is really disordered. But, he doesn’t deserve ME. I just needed to tell him that I was sorry to walk out without even saying goodbye.
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lesson learned says:
ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh tobe……….
Are you hearing yourself here? JUST STOP TALKING TO HIM AT ALL!
Feeling sorry for him, is the PITY he seeks from you. It doesn’t have to be anything he says. You’re RIGHT, he doesn’t deserve you, EVEN AS SOMEONE TO TALK TOO!!!
Okay, so you told him. Now DON”T talk to him AGAIN!!!
NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC!!!!!
I LOVE YOU NC NC NC NC TOOOOOO BEEEEEE !!!!!!!
LL
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tobehappy says:
I won’t talk to him again. I have no need to. I know he will call me tomorrow. I don’t care. I told him that we are over and he said that he wants me as a friend. I didn’t get into the fact that I don’t want that …I did say that I don’t think we can be friends.
I had to go because I had company at the door. He told me to call him sometime. I don’t plan to.
I am ok with it all. I didn’t feel anything when he called.
That was a good sign.
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nolarn2bcop says:
You just can’t be friends with an spath no matter what-they don’t know how to do dat!
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nolarn2bcop says:
LL-you seem to be sounding quite better today than usual-good for good for you giving good advice to others. You’ll see that helping other people makes you feel better. It did for me and it still does!
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tobehappy says:
I totally understand that. I don’t have any intentions of being his “friend”.
Wow…I was just reading Alice Miller’s work about childhood trauma. Adolf Hitler’s story was amazing. No wonder he was so insane!
The question is always why some people come from abuse and learn to empathise.
She states that somewhere along, a “witness”…a person who did love and support an abused child…helped to teach the child that violence and abuse is NOT normal.
very interesting reading…..
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tobehappy says:
Yes, when we get out of ourselves and help others..it reinforces what WE ourselves need to learn.
There’s a quote…”I can only teach what I need to learn”.
I always remembered that as a teacher.
Thats why this board is so healing. We are all helping each other.
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nolarn2bcop says:
I had some abuse in my childhood from my mother but ended up with a ton of empathy-can’t be explained. I’m taking a class right now to get certified as a sexual assault nurse and I’m so glad I’m doing it. I will be able to do rape exams, evidence collection and counseling for victims.
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nolarn2bcop says:
The board helps because when some of us are having a good day, others are having a bad day and we can help each other and balance each other out.
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tobehappy says:
My sister and I were just talking about that. We had lots of abuse, but we are so empathetic and raised our children with love and NO abuse.
Alice Miller attributes it to having “witnesses”. …someone loved us. My sister said that WE saved each other…all five of us kids….supported each other. And, I had an aunt and uncle who took us out a lot and loved us to death.
Thank God.
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nolarn2bcop says:
You’re lucky in that respect cuz I had to do it alone. I had 4 brothers and sisters and we are not close and they have stuck with my mother, but they also didn’t get the same treatment from her that I did. They think she’s a saint and that’s fine. Now I am very close to my dad though, he loves out of state but we talk almost everyday or at least several times a week on the phone.
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lesson learned says:
Tobe
I’ve read Alice Miller’s work. And I’ve often thought about the “witnesses” that show what love is and not abuse from my childhood. I only had ONE,..she was my stepmother. Although she was always on spathy daddy’s side about stuff, she showed me what love was and is. If it were NOT for her, I may not have ever learned empathy. She was an enormously kind woman, but she made a lot of mistakes with all of us children because of my father and his abuse and trying to survive. I understand that and I forgive her. We do talk once in awhile, but don’t share nearly the same relationship we use too.
2cop, yea, a little better today/tonight. Very reflective since biopsy this afternoon.
LL
Alice Miller’s stuff is pretty amazing.
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nolarn2bcop says:
LL-when do you find out the results from the biopsy?
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tobehappy says:
I had a dream this past Friday. I was having the blood drained from me…with needles in my arms…because I was dying of some illness. My xhusb…TRUE socio diagnosed and all…was standing there laughing. I was lying on the kitchen floor in our home.
I felt myself dying and when blood started coming out of my mouth….I got up…slowly and faintly and decided to drive to the hospital. Someone came by and helped me and drove my car there.
I woke up….HYSTERICAL crying. And I hardly ever cry!! I’m numb usually.
I looked it up on a dream analyzer. It said that it was good…that it means I’m starting a new life…but I am emotionally exhausted.
I’ve been very tired since Friday. I didn’t walk since then, since the weather…cold rain.
Tomorrow I go to court for my mortgage mediation. Hopefully they will lower it so that we can afford to stay here.
Its probably that …that is draining me…thinking of it.
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lesson learned says:
2cop,
They said two days. I was shocked as to how large the mass is. It was a huge realty check for me and part and parcel of my anger with all of the fallout from spath. My health. I neglected it. Denied it. Ignored it. i’m a bit angry at myself for allowing what I did, but it is what it is.
Just reflecting about a lot of things……….
How are you and how are things for you at work 2 cop?
LL
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nolarn2bcop says:
LL-I’ll pray for you about it. We do neglect our health when we’re in pain. Don’t beat yourself up. Regarding my situation, it may be finished. I found out that the allegation against me was worded quite differently than what the initial supervisor accused me of. She tried to intimidate me cduz the supposed allegation was against her and she was hostile. I went to hospital police and filed a complaint for hostility in the workplace and told them that my firearms were locked up with the district commander from the city police department. They total me to talk to HR and the bosses told me to speak to them as well. They seemed surprised that I filed the police report. The HR lady was a complete nutcase and I ended up in tears after talking to her. She was rude, hostile, intimidating, condescending and refused to meet with me in person. I asked if I needed to bring representation with me and she said, “what does representation mean?” Are you kidding me? She got mad and told me it was unnecessary to file the police report and told me that my guns had nothing to do with this. FUnny that they were the subject of the initial allegation and I told her that I was being discriminated against for having them because some coworkers had verbalized at work that they didnt think that people should be allowed to have guns. When I asked if I needed representation, she said “we don’t entertain attorneys here”. She said that this was a very investigation and that I would be notified of the results. Funny that it was so serious but no one notified the hospital police department except me. My bosses finally say how upset I was after the HR talk and said this is ridiculous. It’s hearsay anyway and we can’t prove who said what and what’s true and what isn’t so we’re letting it be. They have me tomorrow off to get my head back in the game and they are also going to speak to the person who made the allegation.
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lesson learned says:
2cop. YAY!!!!!! Justice prevails! I’m so glad to hear this!!
Do you feel better about it now? Your thoughts on how you’re processing all of it?
LL
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nolarn2bcop says:
LL-I’m not jumpin up and down. There is still a blackcloud on my credibility and reputation even though I know the truth and that I’m guilty of nothing. My dad tends to get me into pessimism and negative thoughts. He says they are going to be watching me like a hawk now waiting for me to screw up so they’ll have a chance to for me because now I’ve been labeled a trouble maker. I don’t know if I agree with that or not. I do know that I will only be discussing patient care with my coworkers and no matter what kinds of complaints I have about work, I will verbalize them to anyone there. I am waiting for a transfer. It’s always in the back of my mind that I could get a travel assignment in Alaska cuz they have needs but I can’t go from New Orleans to Anchorage in the winter-I’ll freeze my ass off. I’m still apprehensive. I was planning to fly to Houston this weekend to audition for America’s Got Talent, but ironically, the supervisor that I was accused of allegedly threatening came to work sick the day after confronting me, hacked all over me and gave me the her horrible cold and now I have no singing voice whatsoever. Maybe blackcloud can be my new name on here if I change it again-after all, Henry keeps changing his name!
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lesson learned says:
2cop
I understand your apprehension, but I’m just going to think OPTIMISTIC thoughts for you. I think there’s probably a little bit of truth to what your dad says though. Nuttin wrong with a little CYA 2cop.
Isn’t alaska dark half the year or a few months out of the year other than just freezing your ass off during winter???
Ohhhhhh so sorry you’ve got a cold. What fun that would have been to go!!
LL
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nolarn2bcop says:
LL-I want to be optimistic too. My old boss, the police commander who has my firearms said the same thing when I was over there the other day. She can’t wait til I’m back on the job with the PD and she will chastize me for being negative. It’s a really funny relationship, she wants me to call her by her first name but since her rank is that high, I have trouble and call her Captain H…. but when she starts to get tough with me like that, I find myself going from friend language to yes ma’m and no ma’m and we laugh about it. I’m trying to be postive more often. If I did Alaska, it would only be for 13 weeks. I just scared cuz I would have to resign from this full time job to do it and it’s a gamble cuz the economy is bad and I would have to worry about if there would be a spot in one of my specialties in another state after that 13 weeks is up and you have to worry about getting a RN license for that state too. Some states have really fast turn around on licenses and some are painfully slow. It’s a little scary. I may be able to find something in CA too and their license turnaround is relatively fast. It just depends if I get the guts to do this. I tried it right when spath dumped me and it was pure hell. I went away, got fired, was trapped, had no money, could pay bills and credit score dropped by 200 points! OUCH!
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lesson learned says:
2cop.
Hmmmm……one of my friends told me not too long ago, if you don’t take a risk, how will you KNOW whether or not the outcome is good or bad? that’s what life is all about. Risk.
Well, I only HALF heartedly agree with that after my relationshit with spath. I think it’s important to ASSESS the risk first and whether or not it’s worth it. I think only you know that for yourself or if not, you can think about it some more. Am I incorrect in understanding that if you’re an RN that you can’t easily do that elsewhere? I’m sorry I’m trying to make sense of the licensures in differing states. I know how it works in mine, but I’m naive and didn’t know it might be different in CA or Alaska…
LL
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skylar says:
To be happy, and EVERYONE ELSE HERE:
EXPECT A CALL FROM YOUR EX-SPATH, VALENTINES DAY IS COMING UP!
You betcha. They are very aware of that holiday. My exP told me that it is his FAVORITE holiday. xmas and bdays are forgotten but valentines is the only day he would play his games. GEEEEE WHY DO YOU THINK THAT IS?
It’s a conman’s favorite holiday because our culture has already done all the work for them. We are primed and pumped for emotional displays. All they have to do is bring the flowers and they can FEEEEEEED, FEEEEEEED, FFFEEEEED like vampires. Be careful what you let into your mind!!!!
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aussiegirl says:
Sky –
thanks for the reminder! x
LL -
Hang in there. x
nolarn -
Glad to hear things have settled somewhat, but I’m still concerned that you need to be forearmed with the knowledge you will need to combat any further attacks. I’m still quite worried about you. x
tobe -
I am correct in understanding that your ex-husband was the spath – and you are completely NC with him (and have been for some time), but that your ex-boyfriend (who sent you the text last night) is NOT spath, only an idiot you don’t want to be with anymore (and therefore, although a nuisance and unsuitable as your partner, not a total toxic)?
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