Is there any constructive, legal action to take against sociopaths?
PDF Lovefraud recently received the following e-mail from a reader:
My psychologist referred me to this web site. It’s terrific save one section: How can running away from these people be the only solution? Granted, it’s a stop-gap solution to protect yourself from future abuses; however, it’s not a solution for full/final resolution.
Allowing [them] to perpetuate their endeavors and perpetrate them on others only permits proliferation. Please tell me that there is some constructive, legal way to be proactive and preventative in a more communal fashion. I have visions of: 20 years from now they rule the world. It won’t be survival of the fittest. It will have become survival of the sickest.
To have to swallow this reality would be a further devastating blow to my slowly recovering resiliency.
There simply must be constructive ways to deal with these [people].
We all know this reader’s frustration. It seems like sociopaths are able to lie, cheat, steal, abuse, damage and injure with impunity. How can this be? Isn’t there anything we can do?
Running away
Let’s first address the issue of running away. This is the best thing to do if you are observant enough to see the signs of sociopathic behavior before you become entangled. If you know what to look for and see the red flags, or if your instincts tell you that someone is trouble, get out. You should not knowingly allow a sociopath into your life if it can be at all avoided.
Many of our readers, however, are already caught in the sociopath’s web of deceit. You have fallen in love, married the sociopath, had children with him or her, or given the person money. Or, the sociopath is a family member. Somehow, the predator already has a piece of you.
You may have been emotionally, physically or financially abused for a long time. You’ve been criticized, denigrated and told that you have mental problems. You’ve lost your confidence and your sense of self. You wonder if you are, in fact, going crazy.
At this point, you must break away from the sociopath to begin restoring your mental health. You must take yourself out of the sociopath’s game. Any time you see, talk to or exchange e-mail with a sociopath, you are opening yourself to further manipulation. He or she knows exactly how to pull you in again, and will do it.
You may call it running away; Lovefraud calls it No Contact. It’s the best way to begin healing.
Criminal prosecution
But how can you take action against the sociopath? How can the sociopath be held accountable? How can he or she be prevented from devastating someone else?
Unfortunately, it is not illegal to be a sociopath. Therefore, action can only be taken based on what a sociopath does, and many typical sociopathic behaviors are legal.
- It is legal to cheat on a spouse or intimate partner.
- It is legal to lie, except under oath and on some official documents (which never stopped a sociopath).
- It is legal for a sociopath to talk someone into giving him or her money.
Many sociopaths know exactly where the legal lines are, and manage to stay in the gray area without crossing over them. Their actions are unethical, but not illegal.
Criminal prosecution only becomes possible when a sociopath violates the law—which many of them do. Prisons are full of sociopaths.
So prosecution is possible when a law is violated, but whether it actually happens depends on the seriousness of the crime. Most murder cases get investigated. Most fraud cases don’t, especially if it’s a sweetheart scam.
Lovefraud usually recommends reporting a sociopath’s crime, even if it is not likely to be investigated. If a sociopath is doing something illegal to you, he or she is probably also doing it to someone else. Maybe if a pattern develops, authorities will take action.
Civil lawsuits
The other option is civil court—suing the sociopath. Unfortunately this will cost you money that you may not have if the sociopath has wiped you out. Then, even if you file a lawsuit, win your case and get a judgment, it may be difficult or impossible to actually get your money. Sociopaths are notorious for blowing through money; there may be nothing left for you to collect.
The whole process of taking a sociopath to court will financially and emotionally drain you. The sociopath, however, looks at a court battle as a game—a game that he or she is determined to win. And they’re good at the game. They bend the rules to suit their purposes. They put on a great show for the judge, even as they perjure themselves. They find attorneys who are equally cold-hearted, or who are so dazzled that they believe the sociopath’s lies.
Many judges, in the meantime, are as ignorant about sociopaths as you were. They hear the sociopath say, “I’m only concerned about the welfare of our children,” or, “I never meant any harm,” and believe the hollow words.
Exposing the sociopath
If you can’t take legal action, you may want to at least expose the sociopath to save someone else from being victimized. You may post the sociopath on Don’t Date Him Girl or other websites that name cheaters. You may get away with it. Or, if the sociopath you expose has resources and likes the lawsuit game (see above), you may find yourself in court, accused of libel or invasion of privacy.
Here’s another complication: There are no legal guidelines for when or how it is permissible to say someone is a sociopath. Media lawyers frequently do not allow the publications or TV shows they represent to call someone a sociopath. This may be the case even if the person making the statement is an expert. When his show about Ed Hicks was taped, Dr. Phil referred to Hicks as a sociopath. Dr. Phil certainly knows a sociopath when he sees one, but the show’s lawyers cut the term “sociopath” from the broadcast.
For this reason, Lovefraud is extremely careful with naming names. According to our terms of service, readers may not post the names of the sociopaths they have experienced in comments to this blog. And when Lovefraud does a case study in which we do identify a con artist, every single statement made about the subject of the story is documented with evidence.
Lovefraud does believe, however, that exposing sociopaths is the only thing that really works. In the future, we hope to offer a Con Artist Database to help our readers. But this is a project with many technical and legal challenges (see above). We look forward to the day when we can tackle them.
What should you do?
So what’s the bottom line? If you’ve been victimized by a sociopath, what should you do?
First, take care of yourself. Extricate yourself from the predator’s grip. That’s what No Contact is all about—escape and recovery.
Then you have to evaluate your situation to determine if further action is possible and worth the trouble. Every case is different. What did the sociopath do? Was it illegal? Do you have evidence or documentation? Do you have the money to pursue action? Do you have the emotional stamina?
If you have a good case, and the resources, by all means take action. Or, if you can’t do it now, maybe you can do it later, after you are healed.
As the saying goes, “revenge is a dish best served cold.” It took me five years, but I finally exposed my ex-husband, James Montgomery. He was fired from his job and forced into bankruptcy.
I will admit—it was satisfying.
written by Donna Andersen • Permalink •
Hens says:
scanoodle – well you didnt tell me about the NEW man…..that always help’s with No Contact…gee wiz that put’s a whole new zing on the bling.
(Report abusive comment)
eb92044 says:
EB:
I love my UGGs!! You must be in the mountains!!! Wow.
(Report abusive comment)
ErinBrock says:
All my Uggs are so stretched out it’s time to put them away….(trash) but the mountain weather won’t let me!
They served as my house slippers this year because I didn’t turn the heat on.
(Report abusive comment)
eb92044 says:
UGGs are the best thing ever. They do stretch easily. How did you stay warm?
(Report abusive comment)
ErinBrock says:
Silks, Uggs, sweats and a space heater.
It’s all good. I got used to it.
(I buy my uggs 2 sizes smaller) they still stretch.
(Report abusive comment)
eb92044 says:
EB:
OK, I can see staying warm that way! Good for you. You saved tons of money!
Yeah, I was advised at the store to buy the UGGs a bit smaller because they stretch. They are so comfortable.
(Report abusive comment)
Ox Drover says:
EB how HIGH UP ARE YOU!!!! We had a RECORD heat wave yesterday and will be pushing heat records the rest of the week….no rain in sight though so maybe some of the farmers can get their hay in.
My garden plants seem to be loving it….probably not as advanced as Hens’ but growing right along.
What are UGGs?
We use lots of wool, with silk and cotton layers with it as well here in the winter. I also made the guys some lace up leg warmers with quilt batting filling and lined with wool blanket material. The out side is rip stop nylon.
Well, when I get rich or my ship comes in, I’m going to get a summer cabin near you, or I think I will just rent one, that way I don’t have to worry about the up keep….it didn’t used to be this humid in the summer back here, it was a dryer heat that was much more easily tolerated.
I had to turn the AC on a week or so early this year with the record heat wave, but I set it for 82 instead of my usual 78…I can tolerate the 82 okay unless I am mopping floors or something like that, so I just won’t mop floors! I’ll wait til D gets home from camp and HE CAN MOP THE FLOORS! LOL
(Report abusive comment)
DUPED_IN_SOCAL says:
Dear Donna: I bet it was satisfying getting your due in a court of law. I just bet it was! It was satisfying for me, too, when I SLAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMED that door and told that scammer to get away from me and don’t ever bother me anymore. I slammed that door soooooooooooooo hard, it shook the entire building!
And all that the day before his divorce was final; imagine that.
Of course, I realize now, that doesn’t mean anything to the spath; in fact, they derive extreme pleasure from seeing you that upset. Someday it might sink in to his consciousness but I seriously doubt it because they don’t have a conscious nor emotions to feel shame; the only thing a spath fears is the law itself. My spath knows he is walking a thin line with me and I have made it very clear.
LET HIM LIVE WITH SOME OF THE WORRY AND DEVASTATION HE BROUGHT TO MY LIFE. LET HIM ROT IN HIS WORRY OVER WHAT I WILL DO TO HIM IN A COURT OF LAW. And, yah, it feels good knowing he is ranting some more because of me. His current victim has probably gotten MORE than an earful!
I tried to warn ‘current victim’ during one of her harassment phone calls to me: “He did it to me and his wife and he will do it to you too!” It’s the best warning I could give. Then again, “current victim” is ten times worse than HE is. THEY ARE PERFECT FOR ONE ANOTHER! Maybe they will just devour each other and do the world a favor.
Spath is finally caught in his own crappola, this time, with me.
Although I am healing nicely from this roadshow in my life, and keeping my hate and anger ‘in check’, I do intend to get some satisfaction from the years of torment I have been through. Oh yes; thank goodness for the inception of DNA…it says it all; doesn’t it?
I am just up, ruminating; beats the alternative.
Hope everyone is doing alright. I am not so much.
DUPED
(Report abusive comment)
candy says:
Duped – your spath has been spathed?! Priceless. There is a kind of ‘justice’ after all:)
(Report abusive comment)
schnoodle64 says:
KatyDid~ My Spath talked out of both sides of his mouth. I am sure he never told her that he “settled” for her. I am sure what he told her was “I am sure glad that Schnoodle is out of my life. Now we can go on and get close once again”. As I said before, he texted me that he loves me and always will, just a month ago and I’m sure she didn’t know that.
The reason I didn’t block his number during NC was I knew eventually he would text something to me that would help my court case and he did. Unfortunately, because he has agreed to pay $250.00 per month for the next 2 years, I will have to allow him to send texts so that when he defaults, I will have the ammunition to get his wages garnished. He takes home $7,000 a month, so his sob stories of how he is having a rough time, wont cut the mustard in court. He has a $750 house payment and a $250 car payment. That’s it. So he has more than enough to pay me.
Once he has paid the loan off to me, I will then block his number, delete every text and voicemail from him. I will no longer need them as evidence of his mind games regarding the loan.
(Report abusive comment)
schnoodle64 says:
Hens, I had been with the Spath for 7 years filled with promises of a life together. During year 7, he left the relationship 3 times to go back to ex-wife, all the while trying to tell me that I was the love of his life. Each time, I would try to date and he would interfer. Of course, he would start up with lovebombing me and causing me to reassess my dating situation. I would end the dating scene only to end up with the Spath leaving me a couple of months later. Then he would come back into my life with the love bombing, etc. It was a vicious circle during year 7.
When I met my new beau, I was a mess, but I really connected with him on our dates. I wanted the new beau to understand what was going on and what I had been through. My daughters, 20 and 22, absolutely adored my new beau as well as my whole family. My youngest cried to the new beau and told her what the Evil Creep had done to our family relationships (you know how spaths like to separate you from your family). Anyway, the Spath did everything in his power to break up this new relationship I had, but with prayer, intensive counseling, a wonderful supportive family, my new beau and of course NC, NC, NC, I was able to overcome the grip of this monster (that being the spath and the emotional torture).
I cant even put into words what my new-found freedom is like. My head is clear. I am not in fear of abandonment, I can trust again, I laugh and I cry for all the right reasons.
(Report abusive comment)
Hens says:
schnoodle – You describe a monster, you were his possesion, he played cat and mouse with your heart, he didnt want to lose you, he didnt want anyone else to have you.. I am so happy you broke free from that vampire….and btw thank you for being here and sharing your journey,, my dry wit sometimes comes off as sarcasim< I was not making light of your relationship from Hell because you have a new man….now get out there and enjoy life !@ you rock ~!
(Report abusive comment)
schnoodle64 says:
Oh Hens….thank you so much. I hope I didn’t come across that I was upset. I just wasn’t sure if you had seen my posts in the past about what an emotional and pscychological grip this Monster had on me. He felt that he had the right to end the relationship and go back to ex-wife all the while keeping in contact with me while I was trying to move on with my life. I NEVER texted or called him when he left to go back to his ex-wife. I was devastated everytime he left, but I would wish him well, hope he finds what he is looking for and that I understood. He would be gone for 3-4 months then he would send a text like “Hey Baby I miss you terribly” and would mess with my heart, while I am trying to start my life. I knew nothing about pscychopaths until I found this site. My Spath displayed just about every single sign of a spath. Once I read and read and learned of NC, I knew for a fact that I had to go NC with this person because he was NEVER going to leave me alone, emotionally or otherwise. He was going to dangle carrots FOREVER and I wanted my life back.
I know my story isn’t as tragic as some I have read and I pray for the healing of those who suffered much worse than I. I also know that the $6,900 I loaned him probably doesn’t seem much compared to what others have lost, but just to have stood up to him and sue him, was a huge step for me because I have always backed down and cowarded to his commands. I can guarantee you that the Spath’s head is reeling because of my “new found” behavior. And I hope it is. It’s about time he didn’t know up from down, left from right, and cognitive dissonance. I now have the clear head and he is all fuzzy “upstairs”. That, my friend, Hens, does make me smile! That HE (not me) is now thinking “WTH is going on here”!
(Report abusive comment)
DUPED_IN_SOCAL says:
Thanks Candy – ‘spath has been spathed’!
Spath was by here a month ago, the last time, trying to sweet talk me and romance me into dropping all of my legal plans. So sorry for him, it didn’t work. He wanted me to volunteer my forgiveness and fall back into the web and I did not. Instead, I branched off and designed MY OWN WEB for HIM to hang on. I never said: “You are forgiven’ because he isn’t and never will be for the horrid things he has done to me and my sincere caring and affection.
And, there is nothing to work out. The only thing to work out is for HIM to stay away from me. NC – the golden rule with a spath. I have time to initiate my legal action because it was or is an attempted murder charge. And, I have the necessary proof. He knows it as well as I do. He can’t physically harm me now because he is or will be THE FIRST suspect; especially after all the death threats, etc., he has laid on me over the past few years.
The only way for him out of this with me is to leave me alone or go to jail. And my instigating legal action does not rest on him stopping or not. It rests entirely on me. Oh sure, the authorities have been notified. DNA evidence has been captured. I just am not going to clutter my life right now with all of this. I have a limited length of time to live now and I don’t want HIS ROADSHOW crapping up what’s left. It will be dealt with in my own good time.
Oh yes, schnoodle, trust in the fact that your spath’s head is reeling. When he thinks of you; he is probably too busy fulfilling his selfish wants. That is the way they are. They don’t care, schnoodle. $6900.00 is a lot of money to some of us and you should try to get it back in a court. Civil action, my dearest.
Thanks Candy for the ‘wtg’ on the spath getting spathed.
Unfortunately, it probably don’t matter but it will when subpoenaed and/or arrested. Suddenly the light will turn on but only for that moment.
Happy evening to everyone.
DUPED
(Report abusive comment)
Joanie123 says:
Back in the early 1980′s when I was married to my spath husband I didn’t have a leg to stand on. He took me financially but when I explained to my attorney the circumstances conning a woman & lovefraud are not challengeable in a court of law if you’re married because you willingly allowed them to exploit you. However I would have a case now because he did it to other women after me.
At the same time, the statue of limitations has run out for me where I could actually do this. BUT if some future date I decided to go in for an anulment I could probably get one.
My spath divorced me to marry his next victim. Now however I could go to court, get a lawyer and say, “look at his track record.” “he married me fraudulently” and the State would probably grant me annulment. On top of that he told subsequent wives he was never previously married and that lie is on record.
However what good would it do me now? I’m middle age and happily married. So it would be a lost cause.
Joanie
(Report abusive comment)
Ox Drover says:
Dear Joanie,
You are right I think, sometimes it is the better part of valor to just walk away and not let the past consume us, our time and our energy.
(Report abusive comment)
I_survived_The_Bastard says:
Yes Joanie & Ox Drover – sometimes you just have to let elements of the whole situation go as, in this life, there is no way to get our own back, or make them pay. Its far better that we heal ourselves, spend our time and energy on what makes us happy and so on.
They say that where thought goes that’s where attention. focus/energy goes. The more you think about the spath, the more you are still connected to him/her and it affects the energy around you. Also spiritually there are/were/will be an energetic connection/link between the 2 of you because you have been intimate. It affects your aura especially around the sacral and or (I think) the root chakra, where our feels of being grounded and well being come from.
This connection is called an etheric tie and will stay in your energy field until you cut it or otherwise disperse it. Energy can still pass between you, even if you haven’t had contact for days/weeks/months/years.
You can start breaking this tie by imagining a pair of scissors and mentally cutting all ties that you see that go to him/her and anyone else who is draining your energy. Then there is a lot of visual imagery you can use to help protect your aura and stop negativity energy and other nasties into your aura.
Imagine that you are surrounded by a bubble pure white light. You can see out but only good stuff can come in. You can also use the image of a sleeping bag. Zip it up over you to close your aura off from negativity. Another visual is wrapping a dark blue cloak around you. Another one is using a reflective suit of armour, or steeping into a large glass bottle. They all do the same thing.
I think (or I have come to the conclusion over the years), that we give off unconscious thoughts & signals (very often negative) that attract negative types to us. If we had/have low esteem this leaks out into the world and attracts negative types. We have to work on ourselves to improve our self esteem, self love, and self fulfillment. Not think that someone else can fulfil us. I know this too well from personal experience. I’ve always been looking for that person. This makes us less of a target for these spaths.
Looking back over my life, past and current and am now (having read stuff over the last few days on this site) aware that there have been several spath/narc types in my life, (which is sacry to say the least). Now I am reviewing all the current people and thinking to myself are they an spath? Recently I learnt that I had escaped an initial overture by a conman, but I recognised the signs and got out. this made me feel great, that I’d finally learned to spot the red flags.
Again, I think the whole thing is about self esteem and self love. I’m learning to do that more and more.
(Report abusive comment)
Ox Drover says:
Dear I survived,
I agree with you, that the more energy/thought we give to the evil ones, the less we have for healing ourselves and for going on with our lives.
There seems to be a part of the grief process where we ruminate on them 24/7 for a while and I’m not sure that part of it isn’t okay, to sort of purge ourselves of thinking about them, but if it goes on too long I definitely think it is counter productive.
Even hating them, being bitter toward them comes to a point I think that we need to “let it go”—not that we feel OK about what they are or what they did, but we quit being bitter toward them, become more neutral—the opposite of love is not hate, it is INDIFFERENCE, we become more indifferent to them. To me this is “forgiveness”—getting that bitterness out of our hearts. Remaining bitter is like I think someone (don’t remember who) said “bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die.” It really just EATS US UP instead of hurting them.
I’m not 100% indifferent to “my” psychopaths, but I am getting to where there is less and less bitterness or emotions tied to them. I continually work at moving toward that indifference and letting go of the rancor.
It does make you feel good when you recognize the initial signs of a con coming on.
Like you, I examined all my current relationships and I parted ways with many of them, realizing that some of them were very unhealthy, or at the best energy draining and non-productive relationships. I had too many people in my life that, frankly, were parasites in one way or another or were abusive. Maybe not all of these people were “psychopaths” but the relationships were not good ones in spite of that.
Not every person who is not a good candidate for friendship is a psychopath, some of them are just dysfunctional and “cost” more in terms of energy and time than they pay back in friendship, joy and peace. I realize that I have set the “bar” very high for the people I want in my circle of intimacy, but that’s okay….
(Report abusive comment)
schnoodle64 says:
Hello Everyone ~ UPDATE, the Spath signed the judgment for $6900 that he owes me. But before he signed it at his attorney’s office, he sent me the following text……”SO…DO YOU THINK WE’LL EVER BE ABLE TO CHAT?…TEXT?…WAVE AND SMILE TO EACH OTHER ON THE STREET AGAIN? SOMEDAY?”
Do they ever give up? Please tell me they do….. I have been NC since October 2010. Even though he has sent many texts, I ignore him. Why don’t they get a clue? I want to send one that says “Get lost, get a life. I’ve moved on”. But then he would feel that he has captured my attention again because I answered. Even if the message was LEAVE ME ALONE! Doesn’t matter. Will he ever go away????
(Report abusive comment)
Louise says:
schnoodle64:
Wow! Unbelievable!! At least you are getting your money…yay!!! But no, I don’t think they do give up. Even when you think they have, they pop up somewhere down the road.
(Report abusive comment)
Ox Drover says:
Schnoodle,
I’ll believe you GET your money when you GET your money! Just cause he signed doesn’t mean you will GET IT! And, guess what? He will use your NC as a REASON (excuse) to not pay! LOL
Nah, they generally never give up, unless it was their idea to devalue and discard you….sometimes not even then! Pttttth!!! That’s the sound of me spitting the dirty taste out of my mouth, just thinking about them! LOL ((((hugs))))
(Report abusive comment)
schnoodle64 says:
Ox ~ I do agree. Although my next step, if he defaults this judgment, is a garnishment (a garanteed payment). I think what this has said to him more than anything is that I am no longer the shy, quiet, gonna take your shit, girl. I have stood up to him. I have never in my life met someone as strange as this Spath and his behavior. You know he threw me to the curb three times last year and I finally said enough. Now he is the one trying to “patch” up a friendship. Not going to happen. I have no use for this individual other than the money he owes me. For whatever reason, they act as though nothing has happened. Spath = Alien behavior.
(Report abusive comment)
schnoodle64 says:
Louise ~ Thank you. I’ve sent the message loud and clear to him. YOU WILL NOT CONTROL MY LIFE! That is priceless for me.
(Report abusive comment)
Louise says:
schnoodle64:
You kind of said it all when you said you threw him to the curb three times last year and now he is the one trying to patch things up. That is the challenge. They want what they can’t have, but as soon as they get it (whatever “it” is), they become bored and move on again.
(Report abusive comment)
schnoodle64 says:
Louise ~ It was him who threw me to the curb. He ended the relationship three times last year. I finally said enough. I am not going to be a doormat anymore. That’s when I found LoveFraud and learned of NC. I immediately started the NC. But you are right. Everytime I had let him back into the relationship with all his empty promises, after about 3 months, he would break it off again, for NO REASON! We got along great, never an arguement. My nerves could not take it anymore. He had alienated me from the daughters, mom, friends and so on. I needed them more then I needed him.
(Report abusive comment)
Louise says:
schnoodle64:
Ooops, I read that wrong…sorry. Same concept…that back and forth, back and forth. As soon as he had you in his grasp again, he would tank. So funny you said three months…I noticed that is exactly about how long my X spath was good for. Seemed he would go in three month stints…weird!!!! I hate them.
(Report abusive comment)
schnoodle64 says:
So my Spath must be scratching his balls raw trying to figure out why I am not the same person. Why I am not at his beckon call. As they said here…his mask has slipped and I am very much onto his mindgames. I have met a truly wonderful man who cares deeply for me and his words DO match his actions…..
I pray that my two daughters never meet a Spath, but they know about Spaths because of this one that was in my life and maybe that will make them more aware.
(Report abusive comment)
Louise says:
schnoodle64:
I am glad you have met a good man. They are hard to find or maybe they are there, but we overlook them to go after the spath! Geez, we were stupid
Yes, let’s hope your daughters have learned…please, please, please. I would hate to see them get taken by one.
(Report abusive comment)
Truthspeak says:
Okay, so here’s the scenario: person inherits a trust fund. Sociopath sets up person and they marry. Person trusts spath. Spath forges person’s signature and drains the private trust account to nothing. The total amount of documented forgeries totals OVER 75K which makes it a Federal Offense.
Person divorces spath and cannot recover money from the bank that processed the forged checks. Money is gone, forever, apparently. If the spath is prosecuted for Federal Offense, spath loses their job and source of income. Civil Suit is out of the question as per subsequent bankruptcy.
Will the spath really face no consequences, even in the divorce hearing?
(Report abusive comment)
skylar says:
If you get a good lawyer to go after the banks you might get something. If they get paid on a contingency, you’ll definitely get something. These people sleep together.
As far as the spath goes, let him lose his source of income. It is far better to put him in a position where he has less resources than to let him go without consequences, because that is what he was banking on.
(Report abusive comment)
Ox Drover says:
If you can prove the signature was FORGED the BANK is responsible….you will need an attorney though, I would go after them.
If you cause the spath to lose his job, how does that effect you? loss of child support?
(Report abusive comment)
Truthspeak says:
Skylar & OxD – thank you for your input. These series of forgeries was unknown to me until after the exspath left. I had been questioning him about details about WHERE my inheritance had gone and he kept telling me that (and, I quote), “It’s all tied up in real estate. I’m NOT your EX!” LOLOLOLOL……tied up, alright. I’ve consulted an attorney that is specific on the banking Law and the response was that the banks send out monthly statements and the policy is that the customer has 30 days to dispute any part of the statement. Well, of course, I never saw the BANKING statements – only the quarterly investment statements.
The divorce attorney doesn’t want to take action as I’ll lose spousal support. I’m going to lose spousal support, anyway – since he left he’s earned about 20K in 5 months and he is not paying ANY obligations of any sort. It is my strong belief that he’s socking that money away in cash and preparing to EXIT his job.
Of course, when I mention this to most people, they stare at me as if I were some wayward child making up stories about dragons and human sacrifices. If someone can set up a person to rob them, live a sordid, risky, and repulsive double-life, and leave their spouse destitute and on the street, they can sure as hell set aside cash to quit their job and leave the State.
I would like to see that thing serve time for what he did. And, yes – I have hard documentation of his forgeries. DOZENS of them amounting to over 75K where he paid cash to HIMSELF and wrote his own stinking signature on my drafts!
What frightens me most is not that he’s going to skip town, but he has probably already begun setting up ANOTHER woman who is independently wealthy (or, married to a wealthy husband) and will pity him for his claim of being an “abused” husband. I have no doubt that he’s doing this, or that he’s done it already and was just waiting for me to get sick enough to die instead of having to go through divorce.
Yeah, these musings sound extremely paranoid if one doesn’t know the whole story, but a friend of mine asked me just last night if the exspath had a life insurance policy on me. I answered that I didn’t have any idea and she responded that I had better find out so that he doesn’t “benefit from (my) death.” Frigging creepy, devious, and remorseless people!
(Report abusive comment)
one/joy_step_at_a_time says:
had a very weird day yesterday. my nerves were frayed to within an inch. i was at the grocery store, and it was really crazy busy. i saw this guy walking with his child. he was really loud and douchey in his swagger and need for attention. i was immediately uncomfortable with the is guy. within a couple of minutes he had turned around and given his baby mom a dressing down in public about how she was handling their son. i moved into the next aisle, and he came around the other end toward me. he was so loud and obnoxious. i looked up over the product label i was reading and stared at him. he sneered and laughed at me. i can’t tell you how much i want to fight with this guy. ’0 to to fuck off’ in a few minutes.
nothing wrong with my douchebag detector. just thinking about it raises my blood pressure. i need to get back to neurofeedback (like most things, it’s only allergies keeping me away. who brings their dog to work in a medical office, anyway!?)
(Report abusive comment)
one/joy_step_at_a_time says:
truthspeak, sorry to hear your situation. what a loser.
I don’t think your divorce attorney is the sort of person you need on your side. I would find someone who deals specifically with fraud.
I don’t know what the laws are where you live, but hope that you do have recourse with the bank (and who told you you didn’t?)
You don’t sound paranoid at all….just spathed. I wish you the best with this process. Go after him if you can – losing spousal ‘support’ sounds like a good deal.
(Report abusive comment)
Truthspeak says:
One/joy, thank you for your encouragement – I want my money from the bank and THEY can pursue the exspath.
The way things are looking, the spousal support will be very short-lived. I’ve mentioned in other posts that he has probably made over 25K in 6 months, and probably 800 of that went to financial obligations. He is socking away CASH and he means to quit his job the moment the divorce is final, I believe. He’s already received written Admin. warning of his attendance, and he has never hidden his desire to leave his job.
SO…..”spousal support” is good on paper, but it sure as HECK isn’t going to mean anything if he chooses to quit his job.
He has earned a stretch in a Federal penitentiary, and I don’t feel one bit bad about it like I did a while back. The person that I loved, cared about, encouraged, and supported did not EVER exist, so what’s left? Someone that I didn’t really know. A stranger. A predator. A con.
And, One/joy, thank you about the encouragement with regard to what must appear to be paranoia!!! I have NO doubt that, rather than deal with a divorce, burying a spouse would have been far, far cheaper and more profitable for him in the long run.
(Report abusive comment)
one/joy_step_at_a_time says:
truthspeak, i will be checking in with a lawyer this year about suing my father re the inheritance that was ‘tied up in real estate’. I know it looked good to the lawyer 4 years ago – don’t know if it still will…but i had to wait until i understood what my father was, and what he had done to me, his daughter.
i suspect he will squander everything before he dies and i will never recoup what he has stolen if i sit and wait and be the polite effing daughter. so, i too choose, to forgo what looks like the ‘normal’, ‘sensible’ thing one would do if they were not dealing with the disordered, and sue.
it’s hard – learning to believe in our guts, what has been shown to us to be true, and to believe that we are worth the fight (when we have the resources to do it); and in fact that in taking on the endevour, we stand in our truth. i can think of no stronger message of self affirmation. it is a journey so important and real, that it can set us free if we use it as wisely as we can.
(Report abusive comment)
Ox Drover says:
Have you checked with the district attorney about charging him with FRAUD? Forging a signature is FRAUD and illegal, so possibly you could do something along that line. I wouldn’t give up yet on it.
((((hugs))))
(Report abusive comment)