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I have thought to get a nanny cam but then fear of him finding it stops me. As far as documenting, I know I need to but I did for years and got just so worn out doing it. Yeah, I know get back to it.

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I suggest that you contact an attorney and get the “poop” on what your state laws will allow and what they won’t. Some places WILL allow you to move if you have a job in another area, etc. so it isn’t just an absolute “No” until you check it out with an attorney.

I would start getting paper work together, copies of house deed, social security cards for kids and you, tax records and bank records for at least 3-5 years back, copies of the mortgage, retirement funds for you and for him, titles to the vehicles, health insurance policies, life insurance, and any credit card etc. Accumulate a cash nest egg if possible. Then talk to the attorney. Do all this quietly. Some states are “no fault” divorce and some there has to be a “reason” for a divorce..find out about that. If he is abusing you verbally or physically, then get a digital tape recording of that or a secret nanny cam video.

Document, document, document!

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I do have one really good friend here that would step up and help me where need be but when I am around my brothers I feel safe. Also I feel as if he would go pee on himself before messing with me if I were by my brothers. The delima I have though is this is children’s home, they all are under 16.

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I think you need friends and relatives as a social support network, where ever that is.

Getting away from your psychopath and If I remember correctly you have children as well still at home…I think is the number one item. Being where you are safe and have support (physical and emotional as well) is important too.

Just the things (ordinary things) that happen that we need help with, a car breaks down, we need a kid taken to the dentist when we can’t possibly get off work that day, or a flat tire…having friends and family around to help you with these, or just to “be there” when you need to have someone listen, is a great help! I don’t know what your current situation is where you live, how much harassment your P will do to you once you leave him/kick him out or whatever the situation is.

I suggest that you play your cards close to your chest, and do not let him know you plans. I know that is difficult with kids and all the STUFF that goes with having kids (house, furniture, clothes etc) But these are all decisions that you are going to have to make for yourself. If you and he have co-mingled property and/or finances that will also complicate things, and if some of your kids are his kids as well…

Once you learn the truth it is difficult to continue living in denial, but some folks do it for a life time. Learning the truth though is PAINFUL…just like learning you have cancer and that you have to have an operation to remove the tumor, and radiation or chemo to poison any floating cells of cancer that may have spread. You end up making yourself “sicker” in order to “cure” the problem. Same with divorcing or leaving a psychopath….sometimes we have to cut off our arms or legs in order to be free of the diseased parts of our lives.

The Bible talks about “if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, if they hand offend thee, cut it off”—and I actually think this is a description of just how IMPORTANT IT IS to get rid of whatever is holding us back from living a good life, and a psychopath will do that. We have relationships that are so OFFENSIVE to a good life that they will keep us living in HELL ON EARTH if we don’t “cut them off.” But it is painful to do so, but it beats the alternative I think.

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“Tearing apart your family” is the same that “cutting out a cancer” would be with your body—it hurts to cut out the cancer, and leaves you sore, but to NOT CUT OUT THE CANCER from your body would eventually cause you to die…the same with cutting the CANCER out of your family—yes, it will remove a member of the family, but without removing that malignant member of your family there can only be more pain and more destruction from that member remaining in your family/life.

The family cancer I had was rather severe—my two biological sons and my egg donor, and I had no siblings and my step father (wonderful man) and my husband had both died in 2004, so you know, I cut out most of my family, leaving only my adopted son, and a FEW of my friends, but I am happier and more healthy now than I’ve been in my life. There are only a few people close to me iin my life now, but they are good people and they all love me. No more cancer. Plus I am reconstructing my “family” from people who do love me.

It takes a while to process all the knowledge you need, but KNOWLEDGE IS POWER and you can only survive this if you take back your own POWER. Good luck and God bless.

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Control is the “name of the game” and anything that they have to do to get control over you is what they do….act nice, then act mean, angry,, blame placing, scape goating….it is never their fault, always yours….they create the pain, then put a band aid on it.

Stockholm Syndrome is another term for it–Google that and read about it and learn. No sense in me retyping it all here—but it is why slaves did not try to run away, and why people are “bonded” to the very people who abuse them. It takes a while to grasp all these things but you are making progress. We each progress at our own rate!

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