*huggles* ^_^ That...
ASK DR. LEEDOM: Am I also a sociopath?
PDF Recently, a woman sent me a letter with this question/comment. Her former lover accused her of also being a sociopath, he said, “…The truth is that you’re just like me. You’re in this because you want something for yourself, for your own life…You’re more dangerous than me, because you give the appearance of being a good person, but you’re really untrustworthy and selfish.” Then the woman wrote, “So my question is that I sometimes wonder if I’m sociopath too and it’s the real reason we gravitated toward each other.”
The psychological warfare that sociopaths engage in can leave a lover with many self doubts as this woman expresses. After my encounter with a sociopath, I too looked within myself to try to understand why I was attracted to this type of person. Yes I used the word was. I can tell you that I am no longer attracted to the type of people who are prone to sociopathy.
Attraction is an unconscious force. We do not necessarily have conscious control over who we feel attracted to. So when I say I am no longer attracted to this type of person, I mean I have changed.
The catalyst for this change has been a deeper understanding of myself and other victims of sociopaths, that started when Sandra Brown, M.A. author of How to Spot a Dangerous Man contacted me. Since that time, Sandy and I together have worked to understand women who have loved sociopathic men. A large number of women have completed our survey which has included a temperament assessment and the results have been very enlightening.
Since we are not yet finished, I cannot go into too much detail, but I can say that our results are in agreement with those of other studies. People who tend to be extraverts are socially outgoing and adventurous. Extraverts tend to seek out and marry other extraverts. As you learned from my post last week, sociopaths are social extraverts. If you, like me, have been attracted to outgoing people, your attractions may have put you at risk.
Remember, not everyone who is outgoing and who seems to enjoy people, is able to love. For some people the source of social pleasure is not affection but dominance and control. A sociopath enjoys making you laugh, not because he/she wants you to be happy, but because he/she enjoys having an impact on you. He/she receives just as much pleasure from upsetting you or eliciting anger as he/she does from making you laugh. If you understand this point, you will no longer be overly impressed by social extraverts who are funny.
Next time you find yourself attracted to someone either a friend or potential lover, take a step back, and ask yourself why. Resolve not too take your attractions too seriously, instead surround yourself with people who have demonstrated ability to love. Don’t worry that you share too much in common with the sociopath you were involved with. You may have both enjoyed having a good time, but the similarities stoped there.
written by Liane Leedom, M.D. • Permalink •
ErinBrock says:
Yes…..funny, funny…..especially with a guiness.
Sorry…..i just whacked myself with the leather…..passing it over….it’s dangerous!
Kids are here….All 9000 of them. EB’s house is the hangout! They brought mamma CHOCOLATE! Tha’ts theyre entrance fee!
They love me!
Chocolate and guiness…..YUM! EB”S HAPPY!
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KatyDid says:
Congrats EB,
I got a smart dog. Am going to need to teach her to fetch chocolate. Without eating it of course.
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ErinBrock says:
Omg….Holly is a chocolate feind!
The first night we had her…..Jr had a COSTCO bag of chocolate chips hidden in his room……She, ofcourse,busted him and ate them ALL!
OMG….the Hyrdrogen peroxide puke trick…..right off the bat.
Then the next day, I made brownies for a client…..BOOM….up on the counter and ate the whole damn pan!
Hydrogen peroxide again!
Yep….she’s a chocolate whore …..just like her mamma!
We are getting good at hiding it out of her reach now!
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KatyDid says:
mebbie i need to try that. every time i eat choc, i follow up with a Hydrogen Peroxide chaser. i did ask for a choc cure. i bet if i did that enough times, it would be like that tequilla cure back when i was a very stupid 15 yr old.
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ErinBrock says:
Only with projectile bubbles……..
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KatyDid says:
i’m erased. now my sense of humor is a secret again.
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KatyDid says:
Nt EB. Have a sip for me. I don’t do beer at all. Also had that lesson at 15. Beer went down. Beer came up. Cured of beer.
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ErinBrock says:
The only reverse drinking experience I had was with Vodka. I was 12!!!!
I had to get hosed down in the front yard before they’d let me in the house!!!!!
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ErinBrock says:
Night Katy….thanks for the stand up!
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JustBree says:
WTF?!?
What am I missing here? Drag queens, chocolate cake, Costco, beer, vodka, hydrogen peroxide?
It’s the kind of talk that always had me asking my spath, “What? I’m sorry, I missed what you said. Could you clarify that? I don’t understand what you mean?”
And then he would start yelling at me…
I get some of the references, but what is your point?
God, maybe it was all my fault and the spath was the perceptive one.
I’ll make a note not to click on this blog again…
Or maybe I will. Maybe we need our spaths to catalyze our need for drama and sympathy. We don’t just attract them, we actively seek them. Are we victims or do we just want the world to feel sorry for us because we appear to be victims? Maybe we are the crazy ones and sociopathy is a valid survival tool in an overwhelming world of pain and disappointment. Maybe not feeling is a good thing.
But I guess I’ll never know…
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slimone says:
JustBree,
Some of the folks here have gotten to know each other pretty well, and get to teasing and joking. It isn’t meant to alienate anyone, they are just having fun with one another.
You’ll notice it was written way back in Oct. in the wee hours of the morning.
It helps to just ignore the stuff that isn’t clear…..cause it’s not meant to harm.
This is a great place to learn, but it has it quirks and quirky people.
Take care,
Slim
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Louise says:
JustBree:
Oh, yeah…that was all from a long time ago and it was late at night. Sometimes the people here that have known each other for a long time just have fun late at night. Don’t get triggered!
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skylar says:
Bree,
also I think that some posts got deleted or edited (note the numbers) because we had a troll or a spath come visit and things got a bit nutty. That’s why it doesn’t make sense when you read it now.
We are getting a better at dealing with trolls. We know that they come for drama, so we don’t give them any.
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JustBree says:
I’m sorry for my reaction and I appreciate your understanding. I am very early in the process and here I was finding, as you aptly noted, triggers. Guess I’m just not ready to kid about something that makes every day a challenge to navigate. (My problem, not yours.) It was a very disorienting experience, and like so many experiences we have all had with our spaths, it caught me completely off guard. Right now I am reading any and all posts that catch my eye – there are no old posts for me. In the future I will try to keep your words in mind. I had no idea that trollers and spaths would invade “our” space, but I guess it should come as no surprise.
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Truthspeak says:
JustBree, I may have missed your response – these boards tend to fly and whenever I miss a couple of days (or, more), I completely lose the topic and thread. Did you say that you were engaged in couseling?
Triggers are odd things to manage, JustBree – sometimes, we don’t know that something will even BE a trigger for us, but it suddenly becomes a very personal issue without warning. Counseling therapy with a strong therapist who has experience in dealing with PSTD and victims of domestic violence/abuse can provide numerous emotional tools that will help us to manage triggers and unexpected reactions. I’m referencing my own, personal experiences with regard to this sensitive issue and I’ll promise you this: in due time, you’ll be in a space where you will redevelop a sense of humor. Until you do, it might be a good idea to take a breath, step back, and understand that you’ll “get there” in your own way and avoid jumping to conclusions.
Um, about “our” space on this blog, it’s a “public” blog and anyone can (and, does) check it out and post, if they wish. I’ve discovered that the internet is probably the most perfect of all trolling grounds for spaths and predators, bar none. On the internet, a person can present any persona that they wish – some even claim different genders and live out alter-ego-type lives ONLINE. There are NO verbal or visual cues to alert us to whether or not a person is speaking truthfully. So, yeah…..plenty of trolls drop onto this blog.
Brightest blessings to you.
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