Sociopaths, psychopaths—just call them evil
PDF Medical and mental health professionals have differing views and opinions about the personality disorders that are the topic of Lovefraud—sociopathy, psychopathy and antisocial personality disorder. You could also include narcissism and borderline personality disorder.
There is disagreement among professionals about how the disorders should be defined, what causes them, and what can be done about them. As an example, take a look at a recent post along with the comments: ASK DR. LEEDOM: Is there a gender bias against men in the diagnosis of sociopathy?
No matter what discussions are raging in the professional world, here is what the rest of us need to know: There are evil people among us.
“I never knew such evil existed”
Lovefraud receives plenty of e-mail from people who have been deceived, manipulated, bankrupted, assaulted and deserted by sociopaths/psychopaths/antisocials. One comment that I frequently hear is, “I never knew such evil existed.”
Yes, it does. This is what evil people look like:
- They are charming and say all the right things
- They are supremely confident in their own greatness
- They are highly sexual
- They crave excitement and are easily bored
- They are impulsive, risk-taking and irresponsible
- They are pathological liars, telling falsehoods large and small
- They feel no guilt or remorse; nothing is their fault
- They use you and then spit you out
- They do not play by the rules
- Once they are adults, they cannot be rehabilitated
M. Scott Peck, M.D., in his book People of the Lie, says: “Evil is that force, residing either inside or outside of human beings, that seeks to kill life or liveliness.” In other words, evil people seek to kill the life force of their victims. Sometimes this means turning victims into broken shells of what they used to be. Sometimes it means murder.
Three points for professionals
It is extremely difficult to fight evil. Therefore, the best thing we can do is avoid it. We need to accept that evil exists and learn to recognize the key symptoms so that we can keep evil people out of our lives.
So what does this mean for the professionals? In many cases, these are the people who are making recommendations and decisions that affect the lives of both the evil and the victims.
In my opinion, professionals—and this includes legal professionals, especially court judges—need to learn three things:
- How to distinguish the evil people, who cannot be helped, from those who have succumbed to terrible life circumstances, such as poverty, crime and bad parenting, and may possibly be helped.
- How to save the offspring of evil people from growing up to be evil.
- How to help victims recover.
There are people in the world who feel that everyone has good within them, that with enough love and understanding, anyone can be helped. As much as I would like this to be true, it is not. Evil exists. We’ve experienced it.
written by Donna Andersen • Permalink •
Hollowaters says:
Dancing Nancies: How’d you find that link?
Good call btw XD.
(Report abusive comment)
dancingnancies says:
I googled her name… for some reason it sounded familiar but I can’t put my finger on where I heard of it. Maybe I really never heard of it before, just thought I would give it a shot.
(Report abusive comment)
Hollowaters says:
Again, good call XD. Intuition perhaps?
(Report abusive comment)
nolongernaive says:
Towanda to me because I am happy and content right now for the first time in years and my life may be about to become really awesome! Stay tuned!
:)
(Report abusive comment)
one_step_at_a_time says:
evil was a word that i had never used until the spath. it is the only word that expresses what she does.
i use it now to describe her – strung together with ‘lying’ and a string of expletives. i use it now to describe anything narcissistic/ dishonest/ lying/ manipulative and ultimately injurious to people and society.
…this word exists because evil exists. the concept of evil exists because evil exists – i am sure it has been with us forever.
(Report abusive comment)
ErinBrock says:
Nolonger:
GOOD for you !!!!!! It’s awesome to hear such happiness!
(Report abusive comment)
reachingout says:
Ox Drover: I just came back to the computer. Thanks very much for your response. It is soooo good to know that I am not alone.
I have 3 teenage daughters and each of them has had there own reactions to a father who just isn’t available. He is sooo charming and fools them to thinking he is wonderful. I do not want to be the one to tell them differently but don’t want them to be un-equipped to deal with the REAL him by not knowing about it like I did. I have handled it by not saying anything but answer their questions as each of them is ready to ask.
Tonight my 18 year old said the words, “I don’t care.” She was referring to school but it triggered fear in me. It would kill me if any one of them ended up at all like him. If it is at all environmental, how do I remove his influence? It is not as easy for them to just remove him from their lives. My oldest wants to be a Daddy’s girl but inwardly I see her pain from not having that. She can’t see that he can’t genuinely care about ANYBODY even though he plays a VERY good game that he does. Any advice on how to handle this with the kids????
(Report abusive comment)
Ox Drover says:
Dear REachingout,
Your daughters at 18 are primarily what they are going to be I think as far as personality disorder (or lack of it) is concerned. Doesn’t mean that he hasn’t damaged and hurt them with his lack of love and caring. My own sperm donor (I don’t call him father, he didn’t earn the name) was a psychopath and I so wanted to love him, but hadn’t been raised with him and didn’t know him, so went to live with him at 17 and got severely hurt. Just keep a good relationship with your daughters if you can and they will have to find out for themselves. If they ask tell them the truth (about his cheating or beating or whatever) as unemotionally as you can, but tell them that he did hurt you and how, honestly.
It is difficult for a child to find out that their parent is unable to love them,, believe me I know that, I didn’t realize until I was 60+ that my egg donor didn’t and never had loved me, and I had so wanted to beleive she did. It hurts no matter how old you are. We can’t prevent every hurt for our children as much as we would like to. Just do the best you can and let God take care of the rest. ((hugs))))
(Report abusive comment)
the_seer says:
Oops, I lied. First off I came here just looking for a bit of support. Why am I being told not to post here. Seems to me you folks (not all ) but some, seem like ‘sociopaths’ yourselves. I’m sorry I interrupted your conversations about what you’re about to eat and the rocks in your garden or just saying hi. All you have here is the same old crap that’s in all groups, it’s just ‘online’. Careful not to become what you speak against. Oh, and the woman posting about sister is full of dung, I’ll bet her sister is actually a good person.
(Report abusive comment)
ErinBrock says:
Have we ever discussed the mask?
(Report abusive comment)
dancingnancies says:
It’s really very interesting that both seer and hollowater are both NEW and responded to this particular thread in their NEWNESS. Hollowater’s first “hey. hi im new” post came only 18 min after seer’s last one.
I guess you weren’t as good at playing pretend as you thought you were.
(Report abusive comment)
Ox Drover says:
Seer, I didn’t see you told not to post here, and I’m not sure why you think some of us (not all) seem like sociopaths ourselves—we are rather cautious someitmes when newer people come here and post in an “unusual” way and we just sort of “back off”—just observing how the new poster presents themselves. YOu have obviously been offended and said “the woman posting about her sister is “full of dung and I’ll bet her sister is actually a good person.”
I’m not sure what you are basing that on, but we usually disagree here by being a bit more respectful toward each other. I’m not trying to run you off, but just wanted to let you know that we do try to keep reasonable respect here, reasonably on subject, but sometimes old friends who havevbeen here a while do chatter on about our gardens or what we’re cooking. You’re not obligated to read those blogs if you don’t want to.
(Report abusive comment)
dancingnancies says:
Gaslighting? Check. Projection? Check. Minimizing? Check. Why oh why do these words ring such a familiar bell…
(Report abusive comment)
reachingout says:
Ox Drover: I feel your hug! What you say makes great sense. Sometimes you just need a reminder!!
If I had been beaten or anything as obvious as that, it would have been an justification for leaving mush sooner. My Socie (as I call them) “invested” my parents life savings and lost every penny. He emptied the girls little savings accounts that they had collected since birth… THings like that. My grandfather pasased a few weeks ago and he showed up at the funeral. “Show” is the word. It was a total show for the girls. My family just does not know any other way to act. My brother went up and shook his hand and said, “Nice to see you.” They think they are being nice for the girls but I believe it sends the wrong message. Socie’s SHOULD have consequences. They will take as long as they can without them. I would not expect anyone to cause a scene but he has cheated or destroyed everyone in the family in one way or another. Where is the line? HOw can we (they) stay civil but not to the point where everything he did (and still does if he can) is seemingly OK??? I do not want my daughters believing this is the way they are to to be treated by a man.
(Report abusive comment)
ErinBrock says:
Familiar~
(Report abusive comment)
Ox Drover says:
hollowwaters,
Frankly I do not see why anyone would want to run you off the site or anything else.
I suggest that you go through the archives of articles and read and learn about psychopath. This has been a crazy day, and I truly believe that you do not mean any harm. The points here are usually pretty straight forward but we do disagree sometimes and try to do it in a respectful way. I’m, sorry you don’t feel welcome here…I’m a mouthy old biddy and if you act up I will usually let you KNOW about it so don’t be paranoid! LOL
I’m going to bed now, IU will see you guys tomorrow. (((hugs)))
(Report abusive comment)
Ox Drover says:
REachingout,
They try to keep up the mask in front of others, my egg donor keeps up the mask oif being the best, sweetest, nicest, most generous christian lady, b ut boy that is not what she is behind the MASK. She is good at controlling that mask too.
It ‘s hard reaching out, just keep on reading articles. I’m drooping over on my key board got to go to bed. See you all in the morning
(Report abusive comment)
reachingout says:
OK. Sleep well!!
(Report abusive comment)
ErinBrock says:
Reachingout:
Keep setting an example for your kids, and don’t expect ANYthing but what your getting out of the spath.
You’ll have to learn how to ‘dance’ to keep your kids protected.
Others will eventually see the ‘real’ him…..in the meantime, keep your distance from those who still ‘buddy’ up with him.
I’ts a long haul…..and an emotional one……but we can and do survive!
(Report abusive comment)
ErinBrock says:
Thats’ another trait of a spath…..reading people wrong.
(Report abusive comment)
ErinBrock says:
So…..back to the work at hand.
Dancingnancies; HOW ARE YOU?
(Report abusive comment)
ErinBrock says:
(Report abusive comment)
ErinBrock says:
(Report abusive comment)
ErinBrock says:
(Report abusive comment)
dancingnancies says:
I’m good
about to pop in a movie before I go to bed. Long day tomorrow… you?
(Report abusive comment)
dancingnancies says:
I like apples. Anyone here like apples?
(Report abusive comment)
aussiegirl says:
Today, while cleaning out my chicken coop, I noticed a number of little grey rocks. We usually get red-coloured gravelly ones around here, so I am wondering how they got there? I have removed them, so that they don’t hurt my chickens.
BTW, I inherited a stray bantam hen (a small breed) with 8 baby chicks – they were in my front yard, scratching my nice garden to pieces. My cat was licking his lips and two crows were sitting on the fence deciding what colour they would have for breakfast – black or brown? I scooped them all up and put them in a safe cage until they are big enough to fend for themselves, but knowing my luck, I bet most of the chickens grow into roosters and I won’t be able to find homes for them…..
(Report abusive comment)
shabbychic says:
Fuji Apple
(Report abusive comment)
dancingnancies says:
Don’t forget grrranny smith!
(Report abusive comment)
aussiegirl says:
Yes shabbychic, chickens DO like apples!!!
(Report abusive comment)
shabbychic says:
I wish chickens would stay little chicks and dogs would stay little puppies
and cats would stay little kittens, etc, etc.
(Report abusive comment)
ErinBrock says:
And teenagers stay 1 year olds!
(Report abusive comment)
aussiegirl says:
They ARE very cute when they are babies, but I have had some of the BEST pet chooks as they get older – so full of personality.
My two pet sheep (Wallace & Grommett) were hand-reared lambs (they are now 3 and a 1/2 years old and each of them must be over 100kgs each) and they act as though they are pet dogs.
Wallace even jumps up on me like a dog would do; this is problematic, as he has at LEAST 30kgs and 2 more feet on me.
(Report abusive comment)
ErinBrock says:
I hear rocks are bad for chickens……if they eat them it could cause intestinal upset?
(Report abusive comment)
aussiegirl says:
Actually, they DO swallow little tiny rocks and bits of grit on purpose (lots of birds do). It’s because their stomachs don’t work like ours do – they have a “gizzard” which grinds their food (that’s why they can can swallow down whopping big stuff without so much as a hiccup – and all without teeth to chew it with!) and the little rocks help with that.
But these GREY rocks are not the good sort.
VERY bad for my little ones. Bad for ALL little ones. xx
(Report abusive comment)
Ox Drover says:
You guys are toooooo funny! Aussie girl, The roosters have a purpose, it is called DINNER!!!! YUM! I have 12 of them fattening up for dinner soon. They are about the right size soon.
Well, tomorrow is my birthday and son D and I are going to a lecture at a local University on a famous political murder that took place here in 1889. My great grandfather knew the killer(s) but no one was ever convicted for it, but it did make national headlines. One of the local University history profs wrote a book about it and I’ve read the book, and want to see the film and hear him speak.
Will see you guys later, I’m going to town today to food shop and pick myself up some nice birthday gift! Not sure what I’ll get me, I think I’ll SURPRISE MYSELF! LOL
(Report abusive comment)
aussiegirl says:
Nasty girl! Roosters are people too you know….
(Report abusive comment)
shabbychic says:
Happy Birthday Miss Oxy!!!!
Make that wish count!!!!
(Report abusive comment)
KatyDid says:
YES Ma’am OXY!
Happy Happy Birthday. Dancing the happy song…
I’m so happy that Oxy is on my mastermind list (a list of inspirational common sense people that help me be successful).
Hap. Pe. Birrrth. Day. ToooOO. You.
(Report abusive comment)
bellaangel says:
Does anyone know somewhere you can run to to escape? Is there any PLACE, Christian, that would take someone in? Please tell me soon. Thank you
(Report abusive comment)
ErinBrock says:
Mizz Oxy D…….HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!
I wouldn’t wait another year to glam yourself up with that titty tattoo…..Hoop earings and tit tats……NOTHING better on an old bitty!
Be good to yourself!
XXOO
EB
(Report abusive comment)
candy says:
Bellaangel.
Not sure what country you are in. In the Uk we have safe houses, anyone can go to the refuge if they are fleeing domestic violence.
If you are in danger go to a family member or the police right away, do not delay. You will get help. You are not alone.
The most dangerous time for you is when you decide to leave.
You need to have an ‘exit plan’ Gather together (secretively) your personal documents eg birth certificate, cash.
Important – Please, please – Do not tell him that you are going.
Remember absolutely no contact with him.
You may find these sites helpful:
http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/.....olence.htm
http://www.combatviolenceagain.....lence.html
Be strong. Good luck
(Report abusive comment)
ErinBrock says:
Is it gardening time again?
(Report abusive comment)
dancingnancies says:
Happy birthday to an excellent lady, mother, and human being ( Now I’m certain i’m using the word correctly
) If you were here I’d not hesitate to bake you a huge batch of brownies ( Hmm, sub whole wheat flour to make up for the fat/sugar? 
) …Hope your day is wonderful, you deserve it all Oxy! Pass the wine, spirits, and margaritas!
(Report abusive comment)
aussiegirl says:
EB -
It has been, but I think it may have passed.
(Report abusive comment)
DancingWarrior says:
Oxy,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Have some YUMMY birthday cake!
And I hope your birthday surprise is wonderful.
(Report abusive comment)
geminigirl says:
Dearest Oxy, Have a very Happy Birthday, Sista!! Will be thinking of you, and drinking your health!
My Mum told me that when she was a small girl, she thought it was;
“Many Happery Turns” and she thought you had to turn & twirl around and around till you got giddy!
So, get twirling Girl!!
Many Happery Turns!!
Much love,
Gem.XX{Ps Ive sent you an e card, so you should ge t it soon!}
(Report abusive comment)
one_step_at_a_time says:
happy birthday to you,
happy birthday to you,
happy birthday dear oxy,
happy birthday to you!
have some low fat, no carb, salt free bday cake on me!
(Report abusive comment)
Ana says:
Hello, I take it this is where we wish Oxy a happy birthday? Happy Birthday Oxy! Hope you had a nice day!
(Report abusive comment)
aussiegirl says:
Dearest Drover of the Oxen -
I am not a celebrater of birthdays due to personal reasons, but I would still like to add my voice to today’s chorus and CONGRATULATE you on coming this far, living through all you have lived through, getting out of it with little (if any) bitterness and productively working to improve your life and the lives of WORTHY others.
You comfort and inspire me and the sharing of your journey gives hope to so many wounded souls.
If I lived near you, I am afraid that you would be forced to adopt me (after a gruelling probationary period, naturally).
(If that happened though, I would need to re-educate you in the proper use of roosters and cows….) xxx
Have a wonderful day. May you be much spoiled.
(Report abusive comment)