Comments on: ASK DR. LEEDOM: How does one ever get over the heartache of being taken by a con artist?? http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/06/01/ask-dr-leedom-how-does-one-ever-get-over-the-heartache-of-being-taken-by-a-con-artist/ Wake up to the danger of sociopaths Wed, 08 Feb 2012 21:55:37 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: soimnotthecrazee1 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/06/01/ask-dr-leedom-how-does-one-ever-get-over-the-heartache-of-being-taken-by-a-con-artist/comment-page-3/#comment-93641 soimnotthecrazee1 Sun, 14 Nov 2010 05:57:34 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/06/01/ask-dr-leedom-how-does-one-ever-get-over-the-heartache-of-being-taken-by-a-con-artist/#comment-93641 LOLOL@ Oxy! found your bff? sounds like me too!! can i join? jazzy, listen to me, one step outside at a time. first open the front door look out, no threats to you , open the storm door one step out, have a chair available to sit in if needed. enjoy your one step outside, breathe in the fresh air, look at the surroundings, take in the smell and sight of fall and relax! sit in the chair, take it all in! you know, you are only one step away from inside. Keep your hand on the door handle if need be. Take a deep breath and enjoy!!! It's gonna be OK! Spend 5 minutes and go back inside, later repeat it. You will feel better! LOLOL@ Oxy! found your bff? sounds like me too!! can i join?

jazzy, listen to me, one step outside at a time. first open the front door look out, no threats to you , open the storm door one step out, have a chair available to sit in if needed. enjoy your one step outside, breathe in the fresh air, look at the surroundings, take in the smell and sight of fall and relax! sit in the chair, take it all in! you know, you are only one step away from inside. Keep your hand on the door handle if need be. Take a deep breath and enjoy!!! It’s gonna be OK! Spend 5 minutes and go back inside, later repeat it. You will feel better!

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]]> By: tobehappy http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/06/01/ask-dr-leedom-how-does-one-ever-get-over-the-heartache-of-being-taken-by-a-con-artist/comment-page-3/#comment-93639 tobehappy Sun, 14 Nov 2010 05:43:36 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/06/01/ask-dr-leedom-how-does-one-ever-get-over-the-heartache-of-being-taken-by-a-con-artist/#comment-93639 Thank you Oxy.... I am just so happy that I had the strength to go back and find the answers to my questions all along. He was good at faking his "love" for me. He texted me this morning that he knows I wont believe him, but "it wasn't me on that site"! Funny, but he changed the wording pretty fast from "just on here to look at pretty woman" to "no disrespect to women we are not into porn, just a bunch of guys who enjoy looking at pretty women" AFTER I told him that I found him on a porn dating site...which he adamantly denies too! He is a pathetic liar. He can't even lie right! How obvious he is! I am so glad that I didn't give him what he wanted this time around...sex. And, I wouldn't even get together with him to "hang out" at one of our homes...only if he took me out to a movie or dinner. He proved what he was after. And, I stood up for myself and didn't allow him to use me again! Thank you Oxy….

I am just so happy that I had the strength to go back and find the answers to my questions all along. He was good at faking his “love” for me. He texted me this morning that he knows I wont believe him, but “it wasn’t me on that site”! Funny, but he changed the wording pretty fast from “just on here to look at pretty woman” to “no disrespect to women we are not into porn, just a bunch of guys who enjoy looking at pretty women” AFTER I told him that I found him on a porn dating site…which he adamantly denies too!
He is a pathetic liar. He can’t even lie right! How obvious he is!

I am so glad that I didn’t give him what he wanted this time around…sex. And, I wouldn’t even get together with him to “hang out” at one of our homes…only if he took me out to a movie or dinner.

He proved what he was after. And, I stood up for myself and didn’t allow him to use me again!

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]]> By: Ox Drover http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/06/01/ask-dr-leedom-how-does-one-ever-get-over-the-heartache-of-being-taken-by-a-con-artist/comment-page-3/#comment-93628 Ox Drover Sun, 14 Nov 2010 02:17:00 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/06/01/ask-dr-leedom-how-does-one-ever-get-over-the-heartache-of-being-taken-by-a-con-artist/#comment-93628 Dear Jazzy, ARE WE THE SAME PERSON? LOL Dear Jazzy, ARE WE THE SAME PERSON? LOL

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]]> By: jazzy129 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/06/01/ask-dr-leedom-how-does-one-ever-get-over-the-heartache-of-being-taken-by-a-con-artist/comment-page-3/#comment-93626 jazzy129 Sun, 14 Nov 2010 02:08:49 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/06/01/ask-dr-leedom-how-does-one-ever-get-over-the-heartache-of-being-taken-by-a-con-artist/#comment-93626 Oxy.."auctions, flea markets, and junk stores". GIRLFRIEND...we have to talk! I sell on ebay (report to Social Security) and was an assistant to a Master antiques restorer. Also restore antique lighting. I also fix my own plumbing (copper pipes with acid spring water), fix drywall, and used to garden (before i was afraid to go outside). I am also a gilder and restorer of antique frames. Oxy..”auctions, flea markets, and junk stores”. GIRLFRIEND…we have to talk!
I sell on ebay (report to Social Security) and was an assistant to a Master antiques restorer. Also restore antique lighting. I also fix my own plumbing (copper pipes with acid spring water), fix drywall, and used to garden (before i was afraid to go outside). I am also a gilder and restorer of antique frames.

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]]> By: Ox Drover http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/06/01/ask-dr-leedom-how-does-one-ever-get-over-the-heartache-of-being-taken-by-a-con-artist/comment-page-3/#comment-93616 Ox Drover Sun, 14 Nov 2010 00:20:49 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/06/01/ask-dr-leedom-how-does-one-ever-get-over-the-heartache-of-being-taken-by-a-con-artist/#comment-93616 Dear 2Bhappy, The thing we have to grasp, I think, is that they do not have to be a professionally diagnosed "level 10 serial killer psychopath" for us to KICK THEM TO THE CURB---any man who is only interested in a booty call and does not want to spend OTHER TIME with you is NOT INTERESTED IN YOU, he is using you like a FREE Ho. Why should he "pay" for taking you out to dinner or spending HIS VALUABLE TIME with you, you are just another piece of arse to him. Sure it hurts us to realize that is all we are to them, but that is the EXTENT of their emotional bonding. It is all they are capable of. Let this be the "closure" that you obviously seek with this moron, but remember that he CANNOT understand your feelings because he has NOTHING TO RELATE THEM TO. He is incapable of feeling like you do. Making a life for ourselves that is satisfying and complete, with a wide variety of GOOD and honest friends, positive experiences in our lives, and interesting and satisfying activities....should be our goals. WE get to decide who those people are, and how they interact in our lives--we don't have to accept CRUMBS from some psychopath...we deserve more than that! Dear 2Bhappy,

The thing we have to grasp, I think, is that they do not have to be a professionally diagnosed “level 10 serial killer psychopath” for us to KICK THEM TO THE CURB—any man who is only interested in a booty call and does not want to spend OTHER TIME with you is NOT INTERESTED IN YOU, he is using you like a FREE Ho. Why should he “pay” for taking you out to dinner or spending HIS VALUABLE TIME with you, you are just another piece of arse to him.

Sure it hurts us to realize that is all we are to them, but that is the EXTENT of their emotional bonding. It is all they are capable of.

Let this be the “closure” that you obviously seek with this moron, but remember that he CANNOT understand your feelings because he has NOTHING TO RELATE THEM TO. He is incapable of feeling like you do.

Making a life for ourselves that is satisfying and complete, with a wide variety of GOOD and honest friends, positive experiences in our lives, and interesting and satisfying activities….should be our goals. WE get to decide who those people are, and how they interact in our lives–we don’t have to accept CRUMBS from some psychopath…we deserve more than that!

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]]> By: tobehappy http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/06/01/ask-dr-leedom-how-does-one-ever-get-over-the-heartache-of-being-taken-by-a-con-artist/comment-page-3/#comment-93610 tobehappy Sat, 13 Nov 2010 23:11:52 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/06/01/ask-dr-leedom-how-does-one-ever-get-over-the-heartache-of-being-taken-by-a-con-artist/#comment-93610 Oxy, it is so true. I will NEVER get intimate with another man again, until I know him very well. My x lovebombed me into having sex with him quickly, and because my self esteem was so low, I gave in and then regretted it immediately. He was so manipulative to get what he wanted. And, anytime I tried to confront him with my feelings, he made me feel that I was crazy...since he 'loved' me so much. He only lusted me. I am so glad that I made the decision to end the whole thing finally. I know I deserve a "normal" man, not a disordered one. I was confused on whether he was really a sociopath, even though he displayed so many signs. When I went back with him in July, the true test was that I didn't "give in" so easily when he tried to have sex with me. I watched him get frustrated and angry. He was too cheap and stupid to just take me out once in a while for a bite to eat, to get what he wanted. He became obvious...showed his true colors. He just texted me and tried calling me today. I decided to answer his texts this time around and let him know how I feel before I go no contact. He didn't take it well...came at me with what a great guy he is even though he isn't perfect and tried to defend himself by minimizing that he was online on dating sites.."It doesn't make me a bad man". lol Here we go again! Last time I didn't tell him how I felt, and I decided that this time I would let him know that I was "on" to his lies and deceit and that I was right all along and that I want him to stay away from me. He called me a "bimbo" and laughed and said goodbye. They always run from the truth. At least now I didn't just leave without telling him that I know what he is all about and I closed the door for good. I plan to block his number from my phone this time around. It was somewhat frustrating to read his defensive denial responses...but I needed to tell him how I felt and really close the door this time. The last few times I didn't express my feelings and then allowed him to manipulate me back. I was still in love with him. Now, I'm done. I only feel disgust for him and I'm proud of myself for standing up for myself this time around. I know it will take time to get over the anger I feel a little bit..but I will NOT allow myself to feel down and unable to function and hurt my children by being stressed out and sad again. I am going to do whatever it takes to think positively about the future and know that God has some pretty great plans for me now...keeping the faith. Oxy, it is so true. I will NEVER get intimate with another man again, until I know him very well.
My x lovebombed me into having sex with him quickly, and because my self esteem was so low, I gave in and then regretted it immediately. He was so manipulative to get what he wanted. And, anytime I tried to confront him with my feelings, he made me feel that I was crazy…since he ‘loved’ me so much. He only lusted me.
I am so glad that I made the decision to end the whole thing finally. I know I deserve a “normal” man, not a disordered one.
I was confused on whether he was really a sociopath, even though he displayed so many signs. When I went back with him in July, the true test was that I didn’t “give in” so easily when he tried to have sex with me. I watched him get frustrated and angry. He was too cheap and stupid to just take me out once in a while for a bite to eat, to get what he wanted. He became obvious…showed his true colors.
He just texted me and tried calling me today. I decided to answer his texts this time around and let him know how I feel before I go no contact. He didn’t take it well…came at me with what a great guy he is even though he isn’t perfect and tried to defend himself by minimizing that he was online on dating sites..”It doesn’t make me a bad man”. lol Here we go again!
Last time I didn’t tell him how I felt, and I decided that this time I would let him know that I was “on” to his lies and deceit and that I was right all along and that I want him to stay away from me. He called me a “bimbo” and laughed and said goodbye. They always run from the truth.
At least now I didn’t just leave without telling him that I know what he is all about and I closed the door for good. I plan to block his number from my phone this time around.
It was somewhat frustrating to read his defensive denial responses…but I needed to tell him how I felt and really close the door this time. The last few times I didn’t express my feelings and then allowed him to manipulate me back. I was still in love with him. Now, I’m done. I only feel disgust for him and I’m proud of myself for standing up for myself this time around.
I know it will take time to get over the anger I feel a little bit..but I will NOT allow myself to feel down and unable to function and hurt my children by being stressed out and sad again.
I am going to do whatever it takes to think positively about the future and know that God has some pretty great plans for me now…keeping the faith.

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]]> By: Ox Drover http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/06/01/ask-dr-leedom-how-does-one-ever-get-over-the-heartache-of-being-taken-by-a-con-artist/comment-page-3/#comment-93605 Ox Drover Sat, 13 Nov 2010 21:18:13 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/06/01/ask-dr-leedom-how-does-one-ever-get-over-the-heartache-of-being-taken-by-a-con-artist/#comment-93605 Dear Jazzy, You know you were talking about your friend that you cook for sometimes and are FRIENDS with....really, I think that is the BEST way to have a relationship at least to start with....to get to know each other as FRIENDS. Our romantic relationships should ALSO be about being FRIENDS with our mates. Sex and romance only goes SO FAR and if you do not enjoy each other's company as FRIENDS there is really not much of a relationship there. I ran into a guy I had been friends with in college, GOOD friends,, and we liked the same things, auctions, flea markets, junk stores etc. and we started hanging out together as FRIENDS only and it was really FUN and was nice to have someone to go around with...and I MIGHT HAVE BEEN INTERESTED in him except that he had married and had kids late in life and at 64 had a 12 yr old and an 18 yr old and I really wasn't interested in raising two kids who were ILL MANNERED at any age, much less at that age, but in any case, after about 4 years of hanging out together, I realized he was NOT someone I could trust...it wasn't a BIG deal that he got greedy about, but he didn't KEEP HIS WORD, ONCE, and that was enough. I had also seen other things, little things really, but they added up to things I could never have "lived with" if we had been romantically involved. I told him to take a hike over the dishonesty thing (and it was small, over just $56 bucks) but I really haven't missed him at all. I still go the same places that he and I went just by myself now or with someone else or my son D...I wasn't emotionally crushed by telling him to take a hike, and I only got "beat out" of $56, but I DID get a good lesson out of the relationship. Before I would ever get involved romantically with someone, I would have to KNOW THEM WELL for quite some time FIRST. In the meantime, enjoy your friendship and companionship and get to know him. Dear Jazzy,

You know you were talking about your friend that you cook for sometimes and are FRIENDS with….really, I think that is the BEST way to have a relationship at least to start with….to get to know each other as FRIENDS. Our romantic relationships should ALSO be about being FRIENDS with our mates. Sex and romance only goes SO FAR and if you do not enjoy each other’s company as FRIENDS there is really not much of a relationship there.

I ran into a guy I had been friends with in college, GOOD friends,, and we liked the same things, auctions, flea markets, junk stores etc. and we started hanging out together as FRIENDS only and it was really FUN and was nice to have someone to go around with…and I MIGHT HAVE BEEN INTERESTED in him except that he had married and had kids late in life and at 64 had a 12 yr old and an 18 yr old and I really wasn’t interested in raising two kids who were ILL MANNERED at any age, much less at that age, but in any case, after about 4 years of hanging out together, I realized he was NOT someone I could trust…it wasn’t a BIG deal that he got greedy about, but he didn’t KEEP HIS WORD, ONCE, and that was enough. I had also seen other things, little things really, but they added up to things I could never have “lived with” if we had been romantically involved.

I told him to take a hike over the dishonesty thing (and it was small, over just $56 bucks) but I really haven’t missed him at all. I still go the same places that he and I went just by myself now or with someone else or my son D…I wasn’t emotionally crushed by telling him to take a hike, and I only got “beat out” of $56, but I DID get a good lesson out of the relationship.

Before I would ever get involved romantically with someone, I would have to KNOW THEM WELL for quite some time FIRST. In the meantime, enjoy your friendship and companionship and get to know him.

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]]> By: Ox Drover http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/06/01/ask-dr-leedom-how-does-one-ever-get-over-the-heartache-of-being-taken-by-a-con-artist/comment-page-3/#comment-93603 Ox Drover Sat, 13 Nov 2010 21:06:25 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/06/01/ask-dr-leedom-how-does-one-ever-get-over-the-heartache-of-being-taken-by-a-con-artist/#comment-93603 Dear Jazzy, That is a GREAT recommendation, even if it were only for YOUR ONE STATE, who knows how many people are here from that one state? That is GREAT that you took the inititative and got out there and found that resource. The National Center for Victims of Crimes is another great resource. Part of my problem was when I was actively being STALKED I didn't have SENSE ENOUGH to seek out any of these places that might have been helpful to me. The only thing I did FINALLY have sense enough to do was RUN and hide. That's the thing about all of "this" interaction with these predators is that sometimes the TERROR that we experience is so overwhelming it destroys our ability to THINK and function. It is kind of hard to focus on PLANS and THINKING when there is a bear barreling down on your arse at 100 mph or bullets whizzing by your head. There were times I felt like it was ONLY God and me but fortunately, he had sent His angels to help me when I needed them the most. Donna and Lovefraud were one of those angels too. Dear Jazzy,

That is a GREAT recommendation, even if it were only for YOUR ONE STATE, who knows how many people are here from that one state?

That is GREAT that you took the inititative and got out there and found that resource.

The National Center for Victims of Crimes is another great resource.

Part of my problem was when I was actively being STALKED I didn’t have SENSE ENOUGH to seek out any of these places that might have been helpful to me.

The only thing I did FINALLY have sense enough to do was RUN and hide.

That’s the thing about all of “this” interaction with these predators is that sometimes the TERROR that we experience is so overwhelming it destroys our ability to THINK and function.

It is kind of hard to focus on PLANS and THINKING when there is a bear barreling down on your arse at 100 mph or bullets whizzing by your head.

There were times I felt like it was ONLY God and me but fortunately, he had sent His angels to help me when I needed them the most. Donna and Lovefraud were one of those angels too.

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]]> By: tobehappy http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/06/01/ask-dr-leedom-how-does-one-ever-get-over-the-heartache-of-being-taken-by-a-con-artist/comment-page-3/#comment-93596 tobehappy Sat, 13 Nov 2010 20:00:42 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/06/01/ask-dr-leedom-how-does-one-ever-get-over-the-heartache-of-being-taken-by-a-con-artist/#comment-93596 Jazzy, thanks for the advice. I will look that up for my state, NJ. I am also on disability. I am trying to save my house right now..going to mediation in February. Hopefully they will lower my monthly payments. I am allowed to work and make an extra 1k a month also, so I may substitute teach a few days a week after the New Year. I will need xtra income to surive since my socio husband decided to move to FLA so that he doesn't have to pay child support. They would always find him here and pick him up on a warrant. THAT man is a sure sociopath. A professional told me to run far from him..he "has the heart the size of a pea"! Anyway, we are not alone. I read Donna's book and realized how many of these socios are out there...conning people. Its all about taking care of ourselves now..and not holding onto the pain and devastation of being fooled. Learning to protect ourselves from the evil out there. Jazzy, thanks for the advice. I will look that up for my state, NJ. I am also on disability. I am trying to save my house right now..going to mediation in February. Hopefully they will lower my monthly payments. I am allowed to work and make an extra 1k a month also, so I may substitute teach a few days a week after the New Year. I will need xtra income to surive since my socio husband decided to move to FLA so that he doesn’t have to pay child support. They would always find him here and pick him up on a warrant. THAT man is a sure sociopath. A professional told me to run far from him..he “has the heart the size of a pea”!
Anyway, we are not alone. I read Donna’s book and realized how many of these socios are out there…conning people.
Its all about taking care of ourselves now..and not holding onto the pain and devastation of being fooled. Learning to protect ourselves from the evil out there.

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]]> By: soimnotthecrazee1 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/06/01/ask-dr-leedom-how-does-one-ever-get-over-the-heartache-of-being-taken-by-a-con-artist/comment-page-3/#comment-93594 soimnotthecrazee1 Sat, 13 Nov 2010 18:48:28 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/06/01/ask-dr-leedom-how-does-one-ever-get-over-the-heartache-of-being-taken-by-a-con-artist/#comment-93594 Thanks for sharing Jazzy and have pleasant dreams! not crazee! LOLOL Thanks for sharing Jazzy and have pleasant dreams!
not crazee! LOLOL

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