Comments on: New hope for the children of sociopaths http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/05/18/new-hope-for-the-children-of-sociopaths/ Wake up to the danger of sociopaths Wed, 08 Feb 2012 07:17:13 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Liane Leedom, M.D. http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/05/18/new-hope-for-the-children-of-sociopaths/comment-page-1/#comment-712 Liane Leedom, M.D. Wed, 11 Jul 2007 12:30:31 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/05/18/new-hope-for-the-children-of-sociopaths/#comment-712 Fran- It is very difficult to get the past behind you when he continues to be in your present. I hope that the antidepressants are helpful. Please also consider regular exercise, even walking every day. It may take 2-3 weeks of exercise but your anxiety level should decline. There are very recent studies showing that exercise helps antidepressants work better. Please note that this is coming from someone who does not encourage "non-traditional" treatment. Exercise is so important that it is quickly becoming part of mainstream medicine. I think your interpretation is 100% correct. For me also, dreams of water and drowning are a reflection of an anxiety state. Fran-

It is very difficult to get the past behind you when he continues to be in your present. I hope that the antidepressants are helpful. Please also consider regular exercise, even walking every day. It may take 2-3 weeks of exercise but your anxiety level should decline. There are very recent studies showing that exercise helps antidepressants work better. Please note that this is coming from someone who does not encourage “non-traditional” treatment. Exercise is so important that it is quickly becoming part of mainstream medicine.

I think your interpretation is 100% correct. For me also, dreams of water and drowning are a reflection of an anxiety state.

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]]> By: Fran http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/05/18/new-hope-for-the-children-of-sociopaths/comment-page-1/#comment-711 Fran Wed, 11 Jul 2007 09:42:45 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/05/18/new-hope-for-the-children-of-sociopaths/#comment-711 This post would fit better under an old category about PTSD, but it was a while ago, and I am not sure if anyone would read it. Under that post, it was mentioned that nightmares can be a symptom of this disorder. I had written saying that I had started to wake up with my heart racing, unable to breathe, feeling in a panic state. I never considered that I was having a nightmare that I couldn't remember. I have since starting taking an anti-depressant and haven't had those dreams....until last night, but this time I remembered it. I was enjoying myself swimming in a pond. It was peaceful and the water was cool. In the distance I could see the figure of a person coming toward me. It was a man. I wasn't even concerned about him. I was swimming underwater and the man came over and put his hand on my head. At first, I thought he was kidding around, but soon I realized that the man meant to drown me. I started to drown. I couldn't breathe and knew I was going to die. I woke up feeling like I had before...heart pounding, gasping for air, feeling panic. I am not sure if this is the same dream I had before, but the feeling when waking up was the same. The sleeplessness following the dream is the same too. I've been wide awake since 4:00 am. I don't really know what the dream means, but I do feel the intense hate of my ex....that he really would like me dead. I also feel that I've worked really hard to get beyond my relationship with this man, and that he is pulling me down. He is not letting me go. This post would fit better under an old category about PTSD, but it was a while ago, and I am not sure if anyone would read it. Under that post, it was mentioned that nightmares can be a symptom of this disorder. I had written saying that I had started to wake up with my heart racing, unable to breathe, feeling in a panic state. I never considered that I was having a nightmare that I couldn’t remember. I have since starting taking an anti-depressant and haven’t had those dreams….until last night, but this time I remembered it. I was enjoying myself swimming in a pond. It was peaceful and the water was cool. In the distance I could see the figure of a person coming toward me. It was a man. I wasn’t even concerned about him. I was swimming underwater and the man came over and put his hand on my head. At first, I thought he was kidding around, but soon I realized that the man meant to drown me. I started to drown. I couldn’t breathe and knew I was going to die. I woke up feeling like I had before…heart pounding, gasping for air, feeling panic. I am not sure if this is the same dream I had before, but the feeling when waking up was the same. The sleeplessness following the dream is the same too. I’ve been wide awake since 4:00 am. I don’t really know what the dream means, but I do feel the intense hate of my ex….that he really would like me dead. I also feel that I’ve worked really hard to get beyond my relationship with this man, and that he is pulling me down. He is not letting me go.

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]]> By: Fran http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/05/18/new-hope-for-the-children-of-sociopaths/comment-page-1/#comment-709 Fran Tue, 10 Jul 2007 13:55:06 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/05/18/new-hope-for-the-children-of-sociopaths/#comment-709 Hi Dr. Leedom, I looked up your book on the internet and it looks very interesting and appropriate for my situation. I ordered it and look forward to reading it. Yesterday, my 15 year old had his girlfriend over. I brought them both a drink, and when I went to hand one to her, my son intercepted and said, "Which one do you want?" His girlfriend said, " that one," pointing to one. My son then responded, "Ok...in that case, you get this one." He then handed her the opposite one of the one she chose, and went to drink it. I made him give her the one she wanted, but I think this is a good example of social dominance shown at a teenage level. I look forward to reading your book, so I can respond appropriately to my son (and his girlfriend...she should be aware of what's going on, so she doesn't make the same mistakes I did when I was her age) Thanks for your advice. Hi Dr. Leedom,
I looked up your book on the internet and it looks very interesting and appropriate for my situation. I ordered it and look forward to reading it.
Yesterday, my 15 year old had his girlfriend over. I brought them both a drink, and when I went to hand one to her, my son intercepted and said, “Which one do you want?” His girlfriend said, ” that one,” pointing to one. My son then responded, “Ok…in that case, you get this one.” He then handed her the opposite one of the one she chose, and went to drink it. I made him give her the one she wanted, but I think this is a good example of social dominance shown at a teenage level. I look forward to reading your book, so I can respond appropriately to my son (and his girlfriend…she should be aware of what’s going on, so she doesn’t make the same mistakes I did when I was her age)
Thanks for your advice.

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]]> By: Liane Leedom, M.D. http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/05/18/new-hope-for-the-children-of-sociopaths/comment-page-1/#comment-704 Liane Leedom, M.D. Mon, 09 Jul 2007 11:13:31 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/05/18/new-hope-for-the-children-of-sociopaths/#comment-704 Dear Fran, Thank you very much for telling your story. These are the kinds of stories that teach us aout sociopaths. They are much more enlightening than a score on a personality inventory! Please email me if you would like a copy of my book and workbook. Dear Fran,

Thank you very much for telling your story. These are the kinds of stories that teach us aout sociopaths. They are much more enlightening than a score on a personality inventory!

Please email me if you would like a copy of my book and workbook.

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]]> By: Fran http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/05/18/new-hope-for-the-children-of-sociopaths/comment-page-1/#comment-701 Fran Sun, 08 Jul 2007 14:32:53 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/05/18/new-hope-for-the-children-of-sociopaths/#comment-701 July 4th….five years later. My 15 year old is sitting on the couch playing with a Quantum Leap pad. A student of mine brought into class and left it there at the end of the year. My plan is to drop it off at her house. My son asks, “Whose is this?” I explain whose it is, and he candidly asks…with 100% seriousness, “Are you a lesbian pedophile?” Over the years, I have been accused of being a lesbian many times. My youngest even accused me of being a lesbian with my sister. The accusation that I am a pedophile is a new one. I point out to my son all the accusations that I have endured over the years. I also point out that some of those accusation contradict each other, like the fact that I have been called a lesbian and have also been accused of having affairs (with men) while I was married. I have been called a “pot-smoking freak”. A couple of days ago, my oldest couldn’t find his baseball hat right before a game. He was accusing me of hiding it. My youngest son chimed in, “Ya, I bet you did hide it because you hate all of us in sports!” In searching for it, I found it behind a cushion on the couch that my son always sits on. The accusations go on and on and on. It’s disgusting. Later, after they all went to a cookout with their dad, my daughter says, “Grammy likes you, mom. Whenever dad called you a “bitch”, she told him not to.” I asked why dad would call me a bitch at the cookout and she said, “He calls you a bitch all the time, but he was telling everyone that the “bitch isn’t picking up the phone” when I tried to call you. July 4th….five years later. My 15 year old is sitting on the couch playing with a Quantum Leap pad. A student of mine brought into class and left it there at the end of the year. My plan is to drop it off at her house. My son asks, “Whose is this?” I explain whose it is, and he candidly asks…with 100% seriousness, “Are you a lesbian pedophile?” Over the years, I have been accused of being a lesbian many times. My youngest even accused me of being a lesbian with my sister. The accusation that I am a pedophile is a new one. I point out to my son all the accusations that I have endured over the years. I also point out that some of those accusation contradict each other, like the fact that I have been called a lesbian and have also been accused of having affairs (with men) while I was married. I have been called a “pot-smoking freak”. A couple of days ago, my oldest couldn’t find his baseball hat right before a game. He was accusing me of hiding it. My youngest son chimed in, “Ya, I bet you did hide it because you hate all of us in sports!” In searching for it, I found it behind a cushion on the couch that my son always sits on. The accusations go on and on and on. It’s disgusting. Later, after they all went to a cookout with their dad, my daughter says, “Grammy likes you, mom. Whenever dad called you a “bitch”, she told him not to.” I asked why dad would call me a bitch at the cookout and she said, “He calls you a bitch all the time, but he was telling everyone that the “bitch isn’t picking up the phone” when I tried to call you.

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]]> By: Fran http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/05/18/new-hope-for-the-children-of-sociopaths/comment-page-1/#comment-691 Fran Thu, 05 Jul 2007 01:46:04 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/05/18/new-hope-for-the-children-of-sociopaths/#comment-691 Here is a memory of a past July 4th. On this particular July 4th, the kids were scheduled to be with me. I had plans to go to my sister’s house three hours away for a cookout and then to stay over night. The kids enjoy my sister and her husband. They live besides a lazy river with huge boulders to climb and explore. There is a cool gorge within walking distance of their house. My oldest son said that he didn’t want to go. He said he hated “my family” and wanted to spend it with his dad. At that time, his unwillingness to go with me, hurt my feelings, but I let him decide for himself. I did not know about parental alienation then. Now, I know that dislike and hostility toward the extended family (when this was not present during the marriage) is a sign of parental alienation. I should have insisted that he come with me, but I didn’t know better. When my ex came to pick my oldest son up, my youngest son, who was around four at the time, ran out to say hi. He climbed into the back seat of the car. I let him talk to his dad for a few moments and then I went out to retrieve him. When I got to the car, my ex locked the door using his power lock. I told him to open the door. My ex made the motion that he couldn’t hear me. He mockingly gestured, “what?” My oldest son did the same thing. He was laughing at me and ignoring my insistence that he open the door. My youngest son just look really confused. I ended up yelling at my ex to let my son out. This went on for a few torturous moments, and then my ex drove away with both boys! He didn’t answer the phone all night. I felt so devastated and helpless. I should have called the police, but at that time, I didn’t want to involve them. My neighbor who witnessed the whole thing said to me later, “I wanted to tell you to stop yelling because that is exactly what your ex wanted you to do. Your ex had the biggest smile on his face. He enjoyed getting you so upset.” The next day, my youngest son showed up at my doorstep. My ex dropped him off with my oldest son in the front seat. They both waved and laughed as they drove off. I wish I could go back and handle all these situations differently. I should never have agreed to let my son go with his father, and when he took the youngest one, I should have called the police. Calling the police would have provided official documentation, and it would have shown my ex…early on, that he would not get away with such bad behavior. Here is a memory of a past July 4th. On this particular July 4th, the kids were scheduled to be with me. I had plans to go to my sister’s house three hours away for a cookout and then to stay over night. The kids enjoy my sister and her husband. They live besides a lazy river with huge boulders to climb and explore. There is a cool gorge within walking distance of their house. My oldest son said that he didn’t want to go. He said he hated “my family” and wanted to spend it with his dad. At that time, his unwillingness to go with me, hurt my feelings, but I let him decide for himself. I did not know about parental alienation then. Now, I know that dislike and hostility toward the extended family (when this was not present during the marriage) is a sign of parental alienation. I should have insisted that he come with me, but I didn’t know better.
When my ex came to pick my oldest son up, my youngest son, who was around four at the time, ran out to say hi. He climbed into the back seat of the car. I let him talk to his dad for a few moments and then I went out to retrieve him. When I got to the car, my ex locked the door using his power lock. I told him to open the door. My ex made the motion that he couldn’t hear me. He mockingly gestured, “what?” My oldest son did the same thing. He was laughing at me and ignoring my insistence that he open the door. My youngest son just look really confused. I ended up yelling at my ex to let my son out. This went on for a few torturous moments, and then my ex drove away with both boys!
He didn’t answer the phone all night. I felt so devastated and helpless. I should have called the police, but at that time, I didn’t want to involve them. My neighbor who witnessed the whole thing said to me later, “I wanted to tell you to stop yelling because that is exactly what your ex wanted you to do. Your ex had the biggest smile on his face. He enjoyed getting you so upset.”
The next day, my youngest son showed up at my doorstep. My ex dropped him off with my oldest son in the front seat. They both waved and laughed as they drove off.
I wish I could go back and handle all these situations differently. I should never have agreed to let my son go with his father, and when he took the youngest one, I should have called the police. Calling the police would have provided official documentation, and it would have shown my ex…early on, that he would not get away with such bad behavior.

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]]> By: thereishope http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/05/18/new-hope-for-the-children-of-sociopaths/comment-page-1/#comment-687 thereishope Tue, 03 Jul 2007 18:22:37 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/05/18/new-hope-for-the-children-of-sociopaths/#comment-687 I am a 26-year-old woman who is the daughter of a female sociopath. After many years of being victimized by her, I was taken away by the State of Connecticut where eventually I became a ward of the state until I reached adulthood. My mother loved to call me names, beat me, ridicule me but most importantly she made it her mission in life to destroy my happy spirit. IT DID NOT WORK. AND AS LONG AS THERE IS BREATHE IN MY BODY…IT NEVER WILL! My mother is a text book sociopath…lies, no remorse or feeling (unless it is to contribute to an already told lie); abuse and more lies…that is her MO and nothing will ever change that. My father is a first generation immigrant over-achiever…thank GOD! Granted as a child when my mother had a strangle hold on my life and mental well being, he was never around. He divorced her when I was a few months old and found a new woman; made a new family. He was high-tailing it as fast as he could to get as far from her and her games as possible. My one grudge was that he left me there. He left me at her mercy, something I still don’t forgive him for. After being separated from her I realized what she always knew and what boiled her blood every day she looked at her mulatto child: I am strong! My spirit will not be broken. I am not fooled by her games. As a child I was always a straight A student, well mannered, well behaved and honest to a fault and it wasn’t until adolescence that I started acting out the rage I felt inside. When I was placed in foster homes and shelters after my mother would go through one of her periods of blatant mental and physical abuse, I would cry….not because she hurt me, I cried because I was being punished for what she did. They should have locked her away…not me I didn’t do anything wrong. But society does not see it that way. As a former ward of the state and a child of a sociopath, I do. I tried for a long, long time to build a relationship with that woman and for a while I thought I was making progress. I always felt I was the adult and she was the child so inside I thought it was my duty to attempt to have a somewhat-normal relationship with her. In 2001 when my daughter died and she lied to my face and tried to lessen my grief so callously, I finally saw that reconciliation would never come…then I had a relapse. Shortly after I graduated college, I found myself homeless. I tried all I knew how to keep my head above water but after so many years of going it alone-I reached out to the one person that I knew I could never rely on but I felt like I was the bad person for not giving her a chance. Psycho-Mom. Another chance to try to break me was what it turned out to be. After picking me up from work one day in 2003, while riding in the car with her, we got into an argument about a promise she made but as always, never intended to keep. We were talking loudly-no physical violence, not this time anyway-when she told me: “I am glad that I abused you as a child. I knew my husband repeatedly raped you, I watched! You are a piece of $#@! A no good n*%%#$. You will always be alone and no one will ever love you because you are worthless!” As hard as that was for me, I would not let her see how much those words hurt but the first chance I got, I left and 4 years later, I still refuse to speak to her. I doubt I ever will. I know that I am the exception to the rule when it comes to surviving a childhood such as mine. I graduated from college (with honors), I get up and go to work everyday, I live with my cat, Dallas, that I love very much, I pay my bills and I try to see the brighter side of life. I live and sometimes I live to spite her but still in all I have beat many, many odds even if my life is still a work-in-progress. BUT because I have lived a life for so long being lied to even about things so little as when I spoke my first word, I must be honest: I don’t trust very many people, when people get close I get so scared that I will do everything in my power to push them away, I have a huge “chip” on my shoulder, I always ask what I did to deserve this-I feel sorry for myself, I am attractive and intelligent and yet I have been single for almost 6 years now, I have dabbled in the “dark-side” of life where I almost gave up and most importantly when I am sad, I drink my pain away. But as I have stated before: I will not give up. When I look at myself in the mirror…I see her. And I hate myself for it. That is on a bad day. On a good day I don’t see either one of my parents, I see me. I see that I am doing my best and that is better than she would have ever done for me. I look at my sisters 23 and 21 respectively that she never physically abused that stayed with her and they have 7 kids and nothing higher than a 10th grade education between them. I was the physically abused…but I am the one who is lucky. I feel bad that my sisters didn’t get away too…and in many ways they are just like her but there is nothing that I can do about it except try to be there for the little ones. Which I do. As a child on the opposite side of the fence I can give all the parents who posted before me one statement of advice: NEVER GIVE UP! Do not stop fighting for your children if you love them. Don’t turn a blind eye because you don’t think you can help them. You can. Don’t give up on them because you think they are like their sociopath parent. You never really know what is inside them. When you see them acting like their parent, remember it is an ACT. Deep down inside there is a child who is scared and alone that realized somewhere along the way that to survive is to adapt. It is never too late. Thereishope. by thereishope I am a 26-year-old woman who is the daughter of a female sociopath.

After many years of being victimized by her, I was taken away by the State of Connecticut where eventually I became a ward of the state until I reached adulthood.

My mother loved to call me names, beat me, ridicule me but most importantly she made it her mission in life to destroy my happy spirit.

IT DID NOT WORK. AND AS LONG AS THERE IS BREATHE IN MY BODY…IT NEVER WILL!

My mother is a text book sociopath…lies, no remorse or feeling (unless it is to contribute to an already told lie); abuse and more lies…that is her MO and nothing will ever change that. My father is a first generation immigrant over-achiever…thank GOD! Granted as a child when my mother had a strangle hold on my life and mental well being, he was never around. He divorced her when I was a few months old and found a new woman; made a new family. He was high-tailing it as fast as he could to get as far from her and her games as possible. My one grudge was that he left me there. He left me at her mercy, something I still don’t forgive him for.

After being separated from her I realized what she always knew and what boiled her blood every day she looked at her mulatto child: I am strong! My spirit will not be broken. I am not fooled by her games.

As a child I was always a straight A student, well mannered, well behaved and honest to a fault and it wasn’t until adolescence that I started acting out the rage I felt inside. When I was placed in foster homes and shelters after my mother would go through one of her periods of blatant mental and physical abuse, I would cry….not because she hurt me, I cried because I was being punished for what she did. They should have locked her away…not me I didn’t do anything wrong. But society does not see it that way. As a former ward of the state and a child of a sociopath, I do.

I tried for a long, long time to build a relationship with that woman and for a while I thought I was making progress. I always felt I was the adult and she was the child so inside I thought it was my duty to attempt to have a somewhat-normal relationship with her. In 2001 when my daughter died and she lied to my face and tried to lessen my grief so callously, I finally saw that reconciliation would never come…then I had a relapse.

Shortly after I graduated college, I found myself homeless. I tried all I knew how to keep my head above water but after so many years of going it alone-I reached out to the one person that I knew I could never rely on but I felt like I was the bad person for not giving her a chance. Psycho-Mom.

Another chance to try to break me was what it turned out to be.

After picking me up from work one day in 2003, while riding in the car with her, we got into an argument about a promise she made but as always, never intended to keep. We were talking loudly-no physical violence, not this time anyway-when she told me: “I am glad that I abused you as a child. I knew my husband repeatedly raped you, I watched! You are a piece of $#@! A no good n*%%#$. You will always be alone and no one will ever love you because you are worthless!”

As hard as that was for me, I would not let her see how much those words hurt but the first chance I got, I left and 4 years later, I still refuse to speak to her. I doubt I ever will.

I know that I am the exception to the rule when it comes to surviving a childhood such as mine. I graduated from college (with honors), I get up and go to work everyday, I live with my cat, Dallas, that I love very much, I pay my bills and I try to see the brighter side of life. I live and sometimes I live to spite her but still in all I have beat many, many odds even if my life is still a work-in-progress.

BUT because I have lived a life for so long being lied to even about things so little as when I spoke my first word, I must be honest:

I don’t trust very many people, when people get close I get so scared that I will do everything in my power to push them away, I have a huge “chip” on my shoulder, I always ask what I did to deserve this-I feel sorry for myself, I am attractive and intelligent and yet I have been single for almost 6 years now, I have dabbled in the “dark-side” of life where I almost gave up and most importantly when I am sad, I drink my pain away.

But as I have stated before: I will not give up. When I look at myself in the mirror…I see her. And I hate myself for it. That is on a bad day. On a good day I don’t see either one of my parents, I see me. I see that I am doing my best and that is better than she would have ever done for me. I look at my sisters 23 and 21 respectively that she never physically abused that stayed with her and they have 7 kids and nothing higher than a 10th grade education between them.

I was the physically abused…but I am the one who is lucky. I feel bad that my sisters didn’t get away too…and in many ways they are just like her but there is nothing that I can do about it except try to be there for the little ones. Which I do.

As a child on the opposite side of the fence I can give all the parents who posted before me one statement of advice:

NEVER GIVE UP!

Do not stop fighting for your children if you love them. Don’t turn a blind eye because you don’t think you can help them. You can. Don’t give up on them because you think they are like their sociopath parent. You never really know what is inside them. When you see them acting like their parent, remember it is an ACT. Deep down inside there is a child who is scared and alone that realized somewhere along the way that to survive is to adapt. It is never too late. Thereishope.

by thereishope

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]]> By: Liane Leedom, M.D. http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/05/18/new-hope-for-the-children-of-sociopaths/comment-page-1/#comment-672 Liane Leedom, M.D. Wed, 27 Jun 2007 19:29:27 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/05/18/new-hope-for-the-children-of-sociopaths/#comment-672 Anyone in this situation should save all emails and if possile record all telephone conversations. At least he did not follow through with killing himself. If someone who is doing this has access to weapons, that is a very serious matter. Anyone in this situation should save all emails and if possile record all telephone conversations. At least he did not follow through with killing himself. If someone who is doing this has access to weapons, that is a very serious matter.

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]]> By: Fran http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/05/18/new-hope-for-the-children-of-sociopaths/comment-page-1/#comment-671 Fran Wed, 27 Jun 2007 14:22:29 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/05/18/new-hope-for-the-children-of-sociopaths/#comment-671 One side: I was sitting on my couch watching TV when all of a sudden there is a knock at my door. To my astonishment it was the police. They had been called to my apartment by my ex-wife. She called them to report that I had supposedly called her to say that I was going to kill myself. I couldn’t believe it. The police asked me a ton of questions and of course found that I was ok. My ex-wife is so manipulative. Who would even think to do that? The other side: Since I left my husband, he has been in cycles of utter sadness and then anger. I have over twenty five letters written by him that show these cycles. With my counselor, I have been working out how to best handle this. My ex has told my seven year old several times that he is going to kill himself. My counselor advised me to contact my ex’s family to tell them what he is telling my son. I do this, but they just respond with anger to me. My counselor advises me to tell my lawyer, which I do. My lawyer (at that time) advises me to do nothing. She says it is better to just wait it out because it will all just calm down after the divorce is finalized. My ex continues to tell me and my son that he is going to kill myself. My counselor advises me to call the police the next time he makes a threat like that. She says that I am not trained or responsible for dealing with these threats. She said the police are professionals who know how to handle this. She advises me to tell my ex that the next time he makes a suicidal threat to me or my son that I will call the police that from now on that is how I will deal with these threats. Of course, he makes another threat. He emails me that it “is over. You have won the game. You have taken away my life, my kids, everything. I will no longer play your game.” The next morning he calls crying and in a whisper he tells me “it’s over.” He asks to talk to my oldest son. I say no that he can not talk to him when he is crying like that. I tell him I am going to call the police. I hang up and do call the police. They check it out and apparently there were no signs of suicide at all. He was perfectly fine! After that I my ex never made another suicidal threat to me. This story happened a long time ago….over eight years ago. It happened before my custody case with my ex. My ex uses this story to try to show that I am manipulative. The GAL in my case never interviewed my counselor, or asked me about my side of this story, so she would have no knowledge of what actually took place. She would have heard my ex’s story and then supported it with the police record. This would have led her to believe that I am manipulative. I tell this story to impress upon the “professionals” involved in custody cases to take the time to dig deep. Things may not be as they appear. You need to look and listen to both sides. One side:
I was sitting on my couch watching TV when all of a sudden there is a knock at my door. To my astonishment it was the police. They had been called to my apartment by my ex-wife. She called them to report that I had supposedly called her to say that I was going to kill myself. I couldn’t believe it. The police asked me a ton of questions and of course found that I was ok. My ex-wife is so manipulative. Who would even think to do that?

The other side:
Since I left my husband, he has been in cycles of utter sadness and then anger. I have over twenty five letters written by him that show these cycles. With my counselor, I have been working out how to best handle this. My ex has told my seven year old several times that he is going to kill himself. My counselor advised me to contact my ex’s family to tell them what he is telling my son. I do this, but they just respond with anger to me. My counselor advises me to tell my lawyer, which I do. My lawyer (at that time) advises me to do nothing. She says it is better to just wait it out because it will all just calm down after the divorce is finalized. My ex continues to tell me and my son that he is going to kill myself. My counselor advises me to call the police the next time he makes a threat like that. She says that I am not trained or responsible for dealing with these threats. She said the police are professionals who know how to handle this. She advises me to tell my ex that the next time he makes a suicidal threat to me or my son that I will call the police that from now on that is how I will deal with these threats. Of course, he makes another threat. He emails me that it “is over. You have won the game. You have taken away my life, my kids, everything. I will no longer play your game.” The next morning he calls crying and in a whisper he tells me “it’s over.” He asks to talk to my oldest son. I say no that he can not talk to him when he is crying like that. I tell him I am going to call the police. I hang up and do call the police. They check it out and apparently there were no signs of suicide at all. He was perfectly fine! After that I my ex never made another suicidal threat to me.

This story happened a long time ago….over eight years ago. It happened before my custody case with my ex. My ex uses this story to try to show that I am manipulative. The GAL in my case never interviewed my counselor, or asked me about my side of this story, so she would have no knowledge of what actually took place. She would have heard my ex’s story and then supported it with the police record. This would have led her to believe that I am manipulative. I tell this story to impress upon the “professionals” involved in custody cases to take the time to dig deep. Things may not be as they appear. You need to look and listen to both sides.

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]]> By: Liane Leedom, M.D. http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/05/18/new-hope-for-the-children-of-sociopaths/comment-page-1/#comment-641 Liane Leedom, M.D. Thu, 07 Jun 2007 02:56:28 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/05/18/new-hope-for-the-children-of-sociopaths/#comment-641 Dear km, Please email me here or at ljleedom@aol.com so I can send you the workbook that goes with the book. Lately, many have written me asking, "I do the love and discipline stuff but he/she is still tough. What do I do?" If you read my book you know that I am raising a son with these genetics. I find that life is easier if I keep a step ahead of him. That is difficult because these kids have so much energy. I finished the book when may son was almost 3. At that time I was already aware of the importance of exercise for them. Now at 4 1/2 I can tell you that exercise makes a huge difference. The trouble is that it takes a lot of exercise to calm these kids down. As much as a solid hour of moderate intensity activity/day. Interestingly, this is the same amount adults need for weight loss. Also exercising with him every day gives me the energy to stay in charge. I have lost 8 pounds since starting the program I put together. The program would be perfect for you and your son, especially since you are in CT. Please visit http://www.fit-and-smart.org. Dear km,

Please email me here or at ljleedom@aol.com so I can send you the workbook that goes with the book.

Lately, many have written me asking, “I do the love and discipline stuff but he/she is still tough. What do I do?”

If you read my book you know that I am raising a son with these genetics. I find that life is easier if I keep a step ahead of him. That is difficult because these kids have so much energy. I finished the book when may son was almost 3. At that time I was already aware of the importance of exercise for them. Now at 4 1/2 I can tell you that exercise makes a huge difference. The trouble is that it takes a lot of exercise to calm these kids down. As much as a solid hour of moderate intensity activity/day.

Interestingly, this is the same amount adults need for weight loss. Also exercising with him every day gives me the energy to stay in charge. I have lost 8 pounds since starting the program I put together. The program would be perfect for you and your son, especially since you are in CT. Please visit http://www.fit-and-smart.org.

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