Comments on: Without the sociopath, a better future does not require a better past http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/04/26/without-the-sociopath-a-better-future-does-not-require-a-better-past/ Wake up to the danger of sociopaths Wed, 08 Feb 2012 21:33:17 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: summerthyme http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/04/26/without-the-sociopath-a-better-future-does-not-require-a-better-past/comment-page-1/#comment-679 summerthyme Sat, 30 Jun 2007 02:58:06 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/04/26/without-the-sociopath-a-better-future-does-not-require-a-better-past/#comment-679 M. L. Gallagher, I always like what you have to say. You are so encouraging and that is what we need more of. I can also relate to everyone who has responded especially Mickey. I don't know why some of us are more prone to fall victim to this type of personality but I imagine it is a combination of a lot of things. For all the different reasons that bring us to these relationships the outcomes seem all to familiar. We put up with la lot of lying, conning, humiliation, and more. We seem to have a very high threshold for bullshit and we need to learn not to. It is amazing the things I put up with for a little bit of love, affection, attention, etc. But you know what, I can get that from someone else. Someone who is emotionally healthy. And even if I don't, I can give it to people who will really appreciate it and not turn it against me. I think that is one of he cruelest tricks of a sociopath. You can give them all the love you have, every drop of blood you have and they will throw it in your face and accuse you of this and that. You know what I'm talking about. When I met my abuser, he led me to believe he had cancer and he was an excellent actor. I think he was better than some of he actors we see on TV. He really had me fooled. He had everyone fooled, even his family. But even after I found out he lied about it, I still wanted him back. Things didn't get better, he kept his lies going, just different ones. I tried to break up with him 100 times and 100 times I would take him back or call him back. I went to psychiatrists, therapists, groups, read books, all of that didn't work. It's like trying to quit a bad habit. I tried to quit smoking once. I would throw my cigarettes away only to wake up the next morning and dig them out of the dumpster. It was the same way with him. I knew he was bad for me but I was addicted. My daughter has a dog that eats it's own poop sometimes and I think that that is what I did when I would go back to him. I'm not trying to be mean to myself but really sometimes I don't understand my own behavior of why I would go back to someone who clearly does not care, uses and abuses me... I got rid of my phone and filtered him out of my email. Drastic times call for drastic measures. When I think I miss him, I know that my brain is playing tricks on me and I have to remember all the bullshit and ask myself is that what I want to eat for the rest of my life. I think not. I just need to keep reminding myself of this and the fact that I am better off emotionally, physically, financially and every other way Without him. He is a huge liability not an asset to me. M. L. Gallagher, I always like what you have to say. You are so encouraging and that is what we need more of. I can also relate to everyone who has responded especially Mickey. I don’t know why some of us are more prone to fall victim to this type of personality but I imagine it is a combination of a lot of things. For all the different reasons that bring us to these relationships the outcomes seem all to familiar. We put up with la lot of lying, conning, humiliation, and more. We seem to have a very high threshold for bullshit and we need to learn not to. It is amazing the things I put up with for a little bit of love, affection, attention, etc. But you know what, I can get that from someone else. Someone who is emotionally healthy. And even if I don’t, I can give it to people who will really appreciate it and not turn it against me. I think that is one of he cruelest tricks of a sociopath. You can give them all the love you have, every drop of blood you have and they will throw it in your face and accuse you of this and that. You know what I’m talking about. When I met my abuser, he led me to believe he had cancer and he was an excellent actor. I think he was better than some of he actors we see on TV. He really had me fooled. He had everyone fooled, even his family. But even after I found out he lied about it, I still wanted him back. Things didn’t get better, he kept his lies going, just different ones. I tried to break up with him 100 times and 100 times I would take him back or call him back. I went to psychiatrists, therapists, groups, read books, all of that didn’t work. It’s like trying to quit a bad habit. I tried to quit smoking once. I would throw my cigarettes away only to wake up the next morning and dig them out of the dumpster. It was the same way with him. I knew he was bad for me but I was addicted. My daughter has a dog that eats it’s own poop sometimes and I think that that is what I did when I would go back to him. I’m not trying to be mean to myself but really sometimes I don’t understand my own behavior of why I would go back to someone who clearly does not care, uses and abuses me… I got rid of my phone and filtered him out of my email. Drastic times call for drastic measures. When I think I miss him, I know that my brain is playing tricks on me and I have to remember all the bullshit and ask myself is that what I want to eat for the rest of my life. I think not. I just need to keep reminding myself of this and the fact that I am better off emotionally, physically, financially and every other way Without him. He is a huge liability not an asset to me.

(Report abusive comment)

]]> By: suescov http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/04/26/without-the-sociopath-a-better-future-does-not-require-a-better-past/comment-page-1/#comment-620 suescov Wed, 30 May 2007 19:20:33 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/04/26/without-the-sociopath-a-better-future-does-not-require-a-better-past/#comment-620 Just like Mickey, pieces of me were chipped away and my mind was being manipulated by my ex. He was a master at making me feel like I was someone special and it was my own ego that wanted this for myself. His cheating and money spending habits (of money I made) did cause me to have a nervous breakdown. I think it was the fact that he made me feel so important, I was really surprised when his ugliness revealed itself. It was such a shock because he seemed so perfect at the time. In the beginning, he made me feel sorry for him somehow, his wife left him and their son and took off to go drinking in the bars and run around with men. This turned out to be a lie and he did a good job exploiting her whenever he could. He was so convincing at times, it made me crazy. 2 yrs of counseling and a good lawyer sent him packing and now I am free 4 yrs now but he still uses my 20 yr old son (his stepson) as a tool to get to me. In fact, he and my other sociopathic ex have paired up together to try to get even....how's that one for a laugh? Just like Mickey, pieces of me were chipped away and my mind was being manipulated by my ex. He was a master at making me feel like I was someone special and it was my own ego that wanted this for myself. His cheating and money spending habits (of money I made) did cause me to have a nervous breakdown. I think it was the fact that he made me feel so important, I was really surprised when his ugliness revealed itself. It was such a shock because he seemed so perfect at the time. In the beginning, he made me feel sorry for him somehow, his wife left him and their son and took off to go drinking in the bars and run around with men. This turned out to be a lie and he did a good job exploiting her whenever he could. He was so convincing at times, it made me crazy. 2 yrs of counseling and a good lawyer sent him packing and now I am free 4 yrs now but he still uses my 20 yr old son (his stepson) as a tool to get to me. In fact, he and my other sociopathic ex have paired up together to try to get even….how’s that one for a laugh?

(Report abusive comment)

]]> By: aha http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/04/26/without-the-sociopath-a-better-future-does-not-require-a-better-past/comment-page-1/#comment-576 aha Wed, 09 May 2007 19:47:57 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/04/26/without-the-sociopath-a-better-future-does-not-require-a-better-past/#comment-576 We must remember the past so we do not repeat it. Accepting the ugly reality of the past, must be remembered, from a place of knowlege, truth, health and healing, just like we remember the Holocost, so that it, the Holocost never happens again. It is our obligation as survivors of a pathological to remember, to learn, teach, alert and warn others, in the hopes it will prevent another travesty. Thank you all for sharing your stories, it is a clarion wake up call, an alert, a reminder, a comfort and a warning to all of us. We must remember the past so we do not repeat it. Accepting the ugly reality of the past, must be remembered, from a place of knowlege, truth, health and healing, just like we remember the Holocost, so that it, the Holocost never happens again. It is our obligation as survivors of a pathological to remember, to learn, teach, alert and warn others, in the hopes it will prevent another travesty.
Thank you all for sharing your stories, it is a clarion wake up call, an alert, a reminder, a comfort and a warning to all of us.

(Report abusive comment)

]]> By: soloflyer1961 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/04/26/without-the-sociopath-a-better-future-does-not-require-a-better-past/comment-page-1/#comment-574 soloflyer1961 Wed, 09 May 2007 18:50:53 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/04/26/without-the-sociopath-a-better-future-does-not-require-a-better-past/#comment-574 I am new here--but have been through it all with my x--the lies, cheating, $60,000 gone, he was on a business trip with 2 "women" and I had a heart attack while he was out of town. I called him from the hospital and he coldly told me I was ruining his trip! He forced me to have sex with his friends so he could watch and take pictures and now that I have gone after the car(in my name--35,000--loan--unpaid by him) He has blackmailed me telling me he will send th epics to my sons at college---I hate what he did--I can't get over it--I have tried therapy, hypnotism and still to this day if he showed up on my doorstep.....I do not know what I would do. I showered me with affection on e minute and then the next he would call me paranoid, insecure, jealous, a bitch....etc. All because I wanted to spend time with him--when all he wanted was to go to bars, strip clubs, deal drugs etc. Then he would settle down and come back--telling me I was the love of his life and wanting to get married---I am too old for this and don't think I will ever leave my house or recover! I am new here–but have been through it all with my x–the lies, cheating, $60,000 gone, he was on a business trip with 2 “women” and I had a heart attack while he was out of town. I called him from the hospital and he coldly told me I was ruining his trip! He forced me to have sex with his friends so he could watch and take pictures and now that I have gone after the car(in my name–35,000–loan–unpaid by him) He has blackmailed me telling me he will send th epics to my sons at college—I hate what he did–I can’t get over it–I have tried therapy, hypnotism and still to this day if he showed up on my doorstep…..I do not know what I would do. I showered me with affection on e minute and then the next he would call me paranoid, insecure, jealous, a bitch….etc. All because I wanted to spend time with him–when all he wanted was to go to bars, strip clubs, deal drugs etc. Then he would settle down and come back–telling me I was the love of his life and wanting to get married—I am too old for this and don’t think I will ever leave my house or recover!

(Report abusive comment)

]]> By: jennifer martin http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/04/26/without-the-sociopath-a-better-future-does-not-require-a-better-past/comment-page-1/#comment-548 jennifer martin Mon, 30 Apr 2007 22:19:02 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/04/26/without-the-sociopath-a-better-future-does-not-require-a-better-past/#comment-548 I wish I would have known earlier on that he was a sociopath. I gave him so much amo to manipulate me. All the love and loyalty I showed and he turned it against me. And I have his child so he will always be a part of my life....unless he lets go, which I hope for daily. Im afraid he will try to get me back and that I will fall for it. Not now but in years when I have forgotten what a fraud he is. I wish I would have known earlier on that he was a sociopath. I gave him so much amo to manipulate me. All the love and loyalty I showed and he turned it against me. And I have his child so he will always be a part of my life….unless he lets go, which I hope for daily. Im afraid he will try to get me back and that I will fall for it. Not now but in years when I have forgotten what a fraud he is.

(Report abusive comment)

]]> By: tough cookie http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/04/26/without-the-sociopath-a-better-future-does-not-require-a-better-past/comment-page-1/#comment-547 tough cookie Mon, 30 Apr 2007 04:20:41 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/04/26/without-the-sociopath-a-better-future-does-not-require-a-better-past/#comment-547 Its funny because although Sociopaths create lies they are completely aware of what they are doing. My Ex told me that sometimes you truely have to belive in the lie and what you are lying out in order for it to come out more believable. He sat here and told me how he knows he has charm and can make people feel sorry for him. He knew how to get the best of people. He said he had being doing it for a while (hurting countless others and disapointing people) but that he wanted to change. he said he did not like being this way but that it was how he had been for so long. He sat on my couch and told me that he knew what he had done was wrong. He said that he knwe what a good girl I was, that he never apperciated me ect ect...He even went as far as to tell me that he apperciated the fact that I would honor him with my presence' considering what he had done to me. Thanks for the incite LINLAM...I think you are right. obviously soicopaths never think about consequence. But I have foind that sometimes they hold back what they want to do only in the long run to stab to person in the back. For example, they will (at times)try to show others that they are compromising to show that they care, yet will in the long run do whatever it is that they want to do in the big picture. Its funny because although Sociopaths create lies they are completely aware of what they are doing. My Ex told me that sometimes you truely have to belive in the lie and what you are lying out in order for it to come out more believable. He sat here and told me how he knows he has charm and can make people feel sorry for him. He knew how to get the best of people. He said he had being doing it for a while (hurting countless others and disapointing people) but that he wanted to change. he said he did not like being this way but that it was how he had been for so long. He sat on my couch and told me that he knew what he had done was wrong. He said that he knwe what a good girl I was, that he never apperciated me ect ect…He even went as far as to tell me that he apperciated the fact that I would honor him with my presence’ considering what he had done to me.

Thanks for the incite LINLAM…I think you are right. obviously soicopaths never think about consequence. But I have foind that sometimes they hold back what they want to do only in the long run to stab to person in the back. For example, they will (at times)try to show others that they are compromising to show that they care, yet will in the long run do whatever it is that they want to do in the big picture.

(Report abusive comment)

]]> By: linlam http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/04/26/without-the-sociopath-a-better-future-does-not-require-a-better-past/comment-page-1/#comment-546 linlam Sun, 29 Apr 2007 22:06:29 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/04/26/without-the-sociopath-a-better-future-does-not-require-a-better-past/#comment-546 From my reading and experience, sure the sociopath knows right from wrong. Didn't they impose morality on you? On everyone else? They are the ultimate hypocrites. They will not and can not take responsibility for their own actions. If they're not responsible, then they didn't do it. Or anything wrong. Their own mind plays tricks on themselves. They construct and re-construct and believe their own lies. They're also incredibly impulsive, and live in the moment. They don't think "if I do A, then B will happen".. nope. They just want, want, want, and get. No matter what. And they want it now. They are emotional infants, but learn to cope in an adult world by lying, crafting, stealing, all the while feeling nothing but an immediate self-gratification. That's it in a nutshell. Nothing they do will make sense to any of us. It's been nearly three years for me since I left him, and I still grapple with it. I know his tactics, his MO, now, that's all. It doesn't change a thing. I just don't fall for it any more. Actually, it's rather embarrassing how easily I see through it now, but didn't for nearly 5 years. Denial is a powerful coping mechanism. At least for me. Sometimes I still find myself in denial of what he is, how could I, etc. etc. And trust another? Don't think so. The experience went too far. Too deep. All I can be grateful for is to be able to cope and function in order to raise our child alone. Anything else just doesn't seem possible. Being financially ruined I'm sure is the cause. If you're too poor to put food on your table, gas in your car, how on earth can you enjoy life on a consistent basis? It's been a struggle, no doubt, and I hope someday I can reap the rewards of it. In my child. That he'll have a better, safer life, free from the insanity. It's not about me any longer. My joy is through him. Not healthy, but there isn't much else, not for me. Sometimes I think the only way I can ever heal is if HE makes up for what he's done. And we know that's not going to happen. But, yeah, I picked him. My bad. I trusted. Loved. All those good, wonderful things, gifts in life. I gave all that I had to give. There's nothing left. Not for anyone else. Ever. Sorry, but that's just a fact. From my reading and experience, sure the sociopath knows right from wrong. Didn’t they impose morality on you? On everyone else? They are the ultimate hypocrites. They will not and can not take responsibility for their own actions. If they’re not responsible, then they didn’t do it. Or anything wrong. Their own mind plays tricks on themselves. They construct and re-construct and believe their own lies. They’re also incredibly impulsive, and live in the moment. They don’t think “if I do A, then B will happen”.. nope. They just want, want, want, and get. No matter what. And they want it now.
They are emotional infants, but learn to cope in an adult world by lying, crafting, stealing, all the while feeling nothing but an immediate self-gratification. That’s it in a nutshell. Nothing they do will make sense to any of us.

It’s been nearly three years for me since I left him, and I still grapple with it. I know his tactics, his MO, now, that’s all. It doesn’t change a thing. I just don’t fall for it any more. Actually, it’s rather embarrassing how easily I see through it now, but didn’t for nearly 5 years. Denial is a powerful coping mechanism. At least for me. Sometimes I still find myself in denial of what he is, how could I, etc. etc. And trust another? Don’t think so. The experience went too far. Too deep. All I can be grateful for is to be able to cope and function in order to raise our child alone. Anything else just doesn’t seem possible. Being financially ruined I’m sure is the cause. If you’re too poor to put food on your table, gas in your car, how on earth can you enjoy life on a consistent basis? It’s been a struggle, no doubt, and I hope someday I can reap the rewards of it. In my child. That he’ll have a better, safer life, free from the insanity. It’s not about me any longer. My joy is through him. Not healthy, but there isn’t much else, not for me.
Sometimes I think the only way I can ever heal is if HE makes up for what he’s done. And we know that’s not going to happen. But, yeah, I picked him. My bad. I trusted. Loved. All those good, wonderful things, gifts in life. I gave all that I had to give. There’s nothing left. Not for anyone else. Ever.
Sorry, but that’s just a fact.

(Report abusive comment)

]]> By: tough cookie http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/04/26/without-the-sociopath-a-better-future-does-not-require-a-better-past/comment-page-1/#comment-544 tough cookie Sun, 29 Apr 2007 05:55:48 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/04/26/without-the-sociopath-a-better-future-does-not-require-a-better-past/#comment-544 Experts on the page please help...I thought sociopaths know right from wrong but just don't care about the moral reasoning behind their actions? Is this correct? My ex knew the things he did were bad but just didn't care about how they made others feel. How do you explain the difference in behavior between my expereience with sociopaths and lets say Mickey's sociopath who 'didn't see the big deal in his actions'. Experts on the page please help…I thought sociopaths know right from wrong but just don’t care about the moral reasoning behind their actions? Is this correct?

My ex knew the things he did were bad but just didn’t care about how they made others feel. How do you explain the difference in behavior between my expereience with sociopaths and lets say Mickey’s sociopath who ‘didn’t see the big deal in his actions’.

(Report abusive comment)

]]> By: Mickey http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/04/26/without-the-sociopath-a-better-future-does-not-require-a-better-past/comment-page-1/#comment-543 Mickey Sun, 29 Apr 2007 00:34:17 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/04/26/without-the-sociopath-a-better-future-does-not-require-a-better-past/#comment-543 The only real insight I had into my sociopath's sick mind was when he walked in on me talking to a woman who I had just uncovered he had sex with after going on a BBW site. He lied to her about loving BBWs (he openly ridicules and hates overweight people) told her he was a investment banker, gave a fake name, false information...and she was telling me all this. He sat and listened to the conversation. When I got off the phone he just looked at me, and I could see that he was totally void of any feelings about me being hurt, or about tricking the other woman. He didn't know what to say, not because he didn't want to say something wrong. HE had no idea what the problem was. He didn't do it to hurt me in particular. He did it because it was fun and he has no conscience so anything goes. He had a blank expression....as if to say...what's the big deal. He had no clue what the big deal was. So he finally uttered the word "sorry" but you could tell that he didn't know what he was sorry for. Then he said...well at least he wasn't doing it with "real" women...as if the BBWs didn't have feelings. It was the most revealing moment in my whole relationship. I know that I am never going back to him...that I can't even if I want to. I know that even though he has a new girlfriend that just yesterday he was on the BBW site with a fake name, etc...so I know he can't stop and his relationship won't last. But it still bothers me like nothing else. The only real insight I had into my sociopath’s sick mind was when he walked in on me talking to a woman who I had just uncovered he had sex with after going on a BBW site. He lied to her about loving BBWs (he openly ridicules and hates overweight people) told her he was a investment banker, gave a fake name, false information…and she was telling me all this. He sat and listened to the conversation. When I got off the phone he just looked at me, and I could see that he was totally void of any feelings about me being hurt, or about tricking the other woman. He didn’t know what to say, not because he didn’t want to say something wrong. HE had no idea what the problem was. He didn’t do it to hurt me in particular. He did it because it was fun and he has no conscience so anything goes. He had a blank expression….as if to say…what’s the big deal. He had no clue what the big deal was. So he finally uttered the word “sorry” but you could tell that he didn’t know what he was sorry for. Then he said…well at least he wasn’t doing it with “real” women…as if the BBWs didn’t have feelings. It was the most revealing moment in my whole relationship.

I know that I am never going back to him…that I can’t even if I want to. I know that even though he has a new girlfriend that just yesterday he was on the BBW site with a fake name, etc…so I know he can’t stop and his relationship won’t last. But it still bothers me like nothing else.

(Report abusive comment)

]]> By: tough cookie http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/04/26/without-the-sociopath-a-better-future-does-not-require-a-better-past/comment-page-1/#comment-538 tough cookie Sat, 28 Apr 2007 07:58:44 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/04/26/without-the-sociopath-a-better-future-does-not-require-a-better-past/#comment-538 I can completely relate to feeling depleated by a sociopath. TONIGHT I feel was the last straw for me. I got a deperate call from my ex boyfriend sociopath talling me he had no place to stay and he came grovling at my doorstep. I let him in but felt uneasy with his visit. I had to go to work and let him stay here, I didn't think there was really anything of value that he would take. WELL BOY WAS I WRONG> I kept in contact with him while I was at work and I could hear a change in his voice ( he uses drugs but told me he was clean and over it-stupid me!!!) Once i think he realized that I picked up on him being high I then changed my attitude too. When I got home from work he had not only disappeared and left my house (tho I didn't give him keys) and to my discovery stole and expensive digital camera and charger. Now I don't know the sequence of events, nor does it matter... I don't know if he used the camera to buy drugs but that is my assumption bc he has no money and there is no money in the house. I don't know if it was my attitude that made him go. He took all his belongings and left a few random items. Now this was the last button to push...drug addict or not...my kindness was thrown into my face. I guess the most mind boggling aspect of all this is that I KNOW he will try to call me again at some point in time. The balls that someone after doing such a thing would contact me again makes my mounth drop to the floor. Sorry about the rambling post. My temper is unexplicable. I want to get even. I am mad at myself more than anything for allowing this to happen. I can't believe my stupidity. I set myself up to fail. I was to get him arrested and teach him a lesson. It is not about the camera which is a materialistic thing but more about the disrespect and nerve that of such a person. GASP!!!! any words from people who have expereience similar events.... I can completely relate to feeling depleated by a sociopath. TONIGHT I feel was the last straw for me. I got a deperate call from my ex boyfriend sociopath talling me he had no place to stay and he came grovling at my doorstep. I let him in but felt uneasy with his visit. I had to go to work and let him stay here, I didn’t think there was really anything of value that he would take. WELL BOY WAS I WRONG> I kept in contact with him while I was at work and I could hear a change in his voice ( he uses drugs but told me he was clean and over it-stupid me!!!) Once i think he realized that I picked up on him being high I then changed my attitude too. When I got home from work he had not only disappeared and left my house (tho I didn’t give him keys) and to my discovery stole and expensive digital camera and charger. Now I don’t know the sequence of events, nor does it matter…

I don’t know if he used the camera to buy drugs but that is my assumption bc he has no money and there is no money in the house. I don’t know if it was my attitude that made him go. He took all his belongings and left a few random items.

Now this was the last button to push…drug addict or not…my kindness was thrown into my face.

I guess the most mind boggling aspect of all this is that I KNOW he will try to call me again at some point in time. The balls that someone after doing such a thing would contact me again makes my mounth drop to the floor.

Sorry about the rambling post. My temper is unexplicable. I want to get even. I am mad at myself more than anything for allowing this to happen. I can’t believe my stupidity. I set myself up to fail. I was to get him arrested and teach him a lesson.

It is not about the camera which is a materialistic thing but more about the disrespect and nerve that of such a person.

GASP!!!! any words from people who have expereience similar events….

(Report abusive comment)

]]>