Comments on: Abuse, domestic violence and visitation http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/03/30/abuse-domestic-violence-and-visitation/ Wake up to the danger of sociopaths Wed, 08 Feb 2012 07:17:13 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Jorja http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/03/30/abuse-domestic-violence-and-visitation/comment-page-1/#comment-143272 Jorja Wed, 09 Nov 2011 13:33:51 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/03/30/abuse-domestic-violence-and-visitation/#comment-143272 Louise & Ox, Yes, I have been for years reading whatever I could concerning parenting the ast risk child, and coparenting (if you can even call it that) with an spath. They seem to have different opinions concerning the genetic factor and environmental factors....but I am learning everthing I can. I have thought of that...that eventually my son will see his father for who he is. I am not sure if this is a good or bad thing. him believing all these years that his Dad was a great guy, only for it to come crashing down on him when he gets old enough to feel and see the truth. I know it is inevitable and as much as a mother wants to ptotect her son from this type of emotional crisis, I know I really cant avoid it and can only be ther to support him when he is going through things and trying to figure it all out. I want to be honest with him when he asks me questions (partly becasue I wasnt him to see him for who he really is, so that he doesnt go through the feelings that I did being angry at yourself for believing he was something else), but I also do not want him thinking I am bad mouthing his father. Its a fine line. I am guilty of showing my feelings that I have towards his father in front of him before, and I saw that it was upsetting for him to hear what I had said, so I try very hard not to let him overhear any negative remarks from me or anyone else...it is difficult as anyone who is talking about his father, never has anything good to say about him, so we just never even say his name aorund him unless my son brings up the subject. I hope I dont screw things up with my son and hope I am able to bring him up to be a great person, without emotional problems that stunt his growth emotionally. I am trying my hardest. Louise & Ox,

Yes, I have been for years reading whatever I could concerning parenting the ast risk child, and coparenting (if you can even call it that) with an spath. They seem to have different opinions concerning the genetic factor and environmental factors….but I am learning everthing I can.

I have thought of that…that eventually my son will see his father for who he is. I am not sure if this is a good or bad thing. him believing all these years that his Dad was a great guy, only for it to come crashing down on him when he gets old enough to feel and see the truth. I know it is inevitable and as much as a mother wants to ptotect her son from this type of emotional crisis, I know I really cant avoid it and can only be ther to support him when he is going through things and trying to figure it all out. I want to be honest with him when he asks me questions (partly becasue I wasnt him to see him for who he really is, so that he doesnt go through the feelings that I did being angry at yourself for believing he was something else), but I also do not want him thinking I am bad mouthing his father. Its a fine line.

I am guilty of showing my feelings that I have towards his father in front of him before, and I saw that it was upsetting for him to hear what I had said, so I try very hard not to let him overhear any negative remarks from me or anyone else…it is difficult as anyone who is talking about his father, never has anything good to say about him, so we just never even say his name aorund him unless my son brings up the subject.

I hope I dont screw things up with my son and hope I am able to bring him up to be a great person, without emotional problems that stunt his growth emotionally. I am trying my hardest.

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]]> By: Ox Drover http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/03/30/abuse-domestic-violence-and-visitation/comment-page-1/#comment-142752 Ox Drover Sat, 05 Nov 2011 01:15:41 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/03/30/abuse-domestic-violence-and-visitation/#comment-142752 Dear Jorja, I'm sorry as well, because your son DOES deserve a father that loves him, but you know, in a way, it may in the end be better for your son that the father doesn't show any enthusiasm for him and hopefully as much as it hurts now, your son won't be so "blinded" by the FAKE "love" etc and he will "catch on" that your X really doesn't care about him, and as he grows he will realize that your X is not worth caring about. Just give your son lots of loving and positive strokes when you are with him and tell him how wonderful he is to counter the lack of positive strokes from your X. Go to dr. Leedom's site "parenting the at-risk child" and get some support etc from her group. Also read read READ and help your son to realize his potential and to develop a moral compass and empathy! One good parent is all it takes! (((hugs)))) and God bless you and your son. Dear Jorja,

I’m sorry as well, because your son DOES deserve a father that loves him, but you know, in a way, it may in the end be better for your son that the father doesn’t show any enthusiasm for him and hopefully as much as it hurts now, your son won’t be so “blinded” by the FAKE “love” etc and he will “catch on” that your X really doesn’t care about him, and as he grows he will realize that your X is not worth caring about. Just give your son lots of loving and positive strokes when you are with him and tell him how wonderful he is to counter the lack of positive strokes from your X.

Go to dr. Leedom’s site “parenting the at-risk child” and get some support etc from her group. Also read read READ and help your son to realize his potential and to develop a moral compass and empathy! One good parent is all it takes! (((hugs)))) and God bless you and your son.

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]]> By: Louise http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/03/30/abuse-domestic-violence-and-visitation/comment-page-1/#comment-142736 Louise Fri, 04 Nov 2011 21:06:58 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/03/30/abuse-domestic-violence-and-visitation/#comment-142736 Jorga: Sniff, sniff...that is soooo sad. That poor little boy is only a possession to your ex. Sigh. It makes me upset just thinking about it. I am so sorry :-( Jorga:

Sniff, sniff…that is soooo sad. That poor little boy is only a possession to your ex. Sigh. It makes me upset just thinking about it. I am so sorry :-(

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]]> By: Jorja http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/03/30/abuse-domestic-violence-and-visitation/comment-page-1/#comment-142735 Jorja Fri, 04 Nov 2011 20:59:18 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/03/30/abuse-domestic-violence-and-visitation/#comment-142735 My ex just picked up our son for his weekend visitation. My heart is breaking. I watched through the front window as my 5 year old ran to has Daddys car..looking to be greeted with enthusiasm and at least a hug and some acknowledgement. But since my ex didnt bring along his new victim to try and impress...I watched as he talked on his cell phone the entire time...not speaking to my son (who he hasnt seen or spoken to in 2 weeks)..opened the door without even looking at my son, still not talking to him, no hello, no hug, nothing. The look on my sons face was pure disappointment and sadness that his father continued to talk on his cell phone as he got into the car, put on his own seatbelt and his father shutting the door without one word to him. The tears have begun...and my heart is breaking. My son deserves so much more. I am helpless, watching my son look at his father, wondering why he doesnt seem happy to see him. Only when he brings along his new victim does he show any enthusiasm about seeing his son. I feel physically ill...I cant stop crying for my boy...as I feel so sorry for him, and guitly becasue I havent been able to protect him from this neglect and apathetic attitude. I dont know why he fights me in court to see him, since he seems not to care if he does or not unless he is trying to impress a new victim. This depresses me to no end..I feel like a horrible mother having to let him leave with this man every time! I do not want my son to have to wonder why daddy doesnt pay attention to him, when he only sees him 4 days a month. He is so innocent and pure, this breaks my heart so much I cant even put it into words. My ex just picked up our son for his weekend visitation. My heart is breaking. I watched through the front window as my 5 year old ran to has Daddys car..looking to be greeted with enthusiasm and at least a hug and some acknowledgement. But since my ex didnt bring along his new victim to try and impress…I watched as he talked on his cell phone the entire time…not speaking to my son (who he hasnt seen or spoken to in 2 weeks)..opened the door without even looking at my son, still not talking to him, no hello, no hug, nothing. The look on my sons face was pure disappointment and sadness that his father continued to talk on his cell phone as he got into the car, put on his own seatbelt and his father shutting the door without one word to him. The tears have begun…and my heart is breaking. My son deserves so much more.
I am helpless, watching my son look at his father, wondering why he doesnt seem happy to see him.
Only when he brings along his new victim does he show any enthusiasm about seeing his son. I feel physically ill…I cant stop crying for my boy…as I feel so sorry for him, and guitly becasue I havent been able to protect him from this neglect and apathetic attitude. I dont know why he fights me in court to see him, since he seems not to care if he does or not unless he is trying to impress a new victim.
This depresses me to no end..I feel like a horrible mother having to let him leave with this man every time! I do not want my son to have to wonder why daddy doesnt pay attention to him, when he only sees him 4 days a month. He is so innocent and pure, this breaks my heart so much I cant even put it into words.

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]]> By: Jorja http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/03/30/abuse-domestic-violence-and-visitation/comment-page-1/#comment-142686 Jorja Fri, 04 Nov 2011 11:34:57 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/03/30/abuse-domestic-violence-and-visitation/#comment-142686 ErinBrock, to quote one of your statements..." A leopard doesn't change his spots...but he can sure camoflauge them..." My experience also since leaving my spath 4 years ago, is that this is definately true! Every new victim he has I want to save...I want to tell them the truth about what he is...I want him exposed to the world so that not only will no one every be his victim again...I hope for the satisfaction of saying to everyone...SEE! I TOLD YOU SO! But I never get satisfaction when his victim leaves...I only feel sorrow for them...and worry about the cycle that affects my and my son. ...they approach me after they have left and say..."I wish I woulld have listened..I cant believe he had me believing all his lies and what he said about you"... Sometimes I feel obsessed with wanting to expose him to the world...it is not healthy...it consumes me....being right isnt going to make anything better. ErinBrock,

to quote one of your statements…” A leopard doesn’t change his spots…but he can sure camoflauge them…”

My experience also since leaving my spath 4 years ago, is that this is definately true!

Every new victim he has I want to save…I want to tell them the truth about what he is…I want him exposed to the world so that not only will no one every be his victim again…I hope for the satisfaction of saying to everyone…SEE! I TOLD YOU SO! But I never get satisfaction when his victim leaves…I only feel sorrow for them…and worry about the cycle that affects my and my son. …they approach me after they have left and say…”I wish I woulld have listened..I cant believe he had me believing all his lies and what he said about you”…

Sometimes I feel obsessed with wanting to expose him to the world…it is not healthy…it consumes me….being right isnt going to make anything better.

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]]> By: ErinBrock http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/03/30/abuse-domestic-violence-and-visitation/comment-page-1/#comment-126189 ErinBrock Thu, 23 Jun 2011 07:12:20 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/03/30/abuse-domestic-violence-and-visitation/#comment-126189 RN38; Wow....I thought I was reading a copy of my story. Strangling the son, the family, your parents turning against you, jr getting it way before mom, turning abuse on jr....... I GET IT! I've been there! That hourglass in your room........make it work for YOU. Each time you turn it, remember that was another hour you got to CHOOSE how you spent your life that hour! They get 'theirs'........they are the ones who live in misery, always running, always conning and NEVER having substance! My spath (ex) hasn't stayed in ONE state longer than 2 months since our divorce over 2 years ago. He is STILL having trouble keeping a long term con going. Trust in the process......and take care of YOU and your kids. Welcome to LF, you have found a good source of information and support! XXOO EB RN38;
Wow….I thought I was reading a copy of my story.
Strangling the son, the family, your parents turning against you, jr getting it way before mom, turning abuse on jr…….
I GET IT! I’ve been there!
That hourglass in your room……..make it work for YOU. Each time you turn it, remember that was another hour you got to CHOOSE how you spent your life that hour!

They get ‘theirs’……..they are the ones who live in misery, always running, always conning and NEVER having substance!

My spath (ex) hasn’t stayed in ONE state longer than 2 months since our divorce over 2 years ago. He is STILL having trouble keeping a long term con going.

Trust in the process……and take care of YOU and your kids.

Welcome to LF, you have found a good source of information and support!

XXOO
EB

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]]> By: skylar http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/03/30/abuse-domestic-violence-and-visitation/comment-page-1/#comment-126188 skylar Thu, 23 Jun 2011 06:58:14 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/03/30/abuse-domestic-violence-and-visitation/#comment-126188 RN38: To answer your last question:.. A SPATH!! They are everywhere. Welcome to LF. Soon you will know enough about them that you will be able to spot them for who they are. This is the blessing. You will see them everywhere, that's the curse. Not everyone can see them easily, but you'll learn the red flags and you will be able to "suss" them out. I'm glad you found a safe place here on LF. RN38:
To answer your last question:.. A SPATH!!
They are everywhere.

Welcome to LF. Soon you will know enough about them that you will be able to spot them for who they are. This is the blessing. You will see them everywhere, that’s the curse.

Not everyone can see them easily, but you’ll learn the red flags and you will be able to “suss” them out.

I’m glad you found a safe place here on LF.

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]]> By: RN38 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/03/30/abuse-domestic-violence-and-visitation/comment-page-1/#comment-126186 RN38 Thu, 23 Jun 2011 06:40:15 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/03/30/abuse-domestic-violence-and-visitation/#comment-126186 I just left an 18 year marriage of emotional abuse. which then turned on my teen into physical and emotional abuse. After I left him last fall his true colors started to show the psycho/sociopathic personality began to rear it's ugly head up. Even my intelligent son years ago said his father was a sociopath. It took me a long time to figure that out. In April I allowed my son to see his father at which point he yelled, slammed a table, blocked him from leaving, pushed him down and punched him. When the cops came he lied saying my son "tripped in the kitchen". To this day after my son had endured years of bullying to the extent of strangulation last year I left that demonic man. He was so deceptive he even was able to lure my parents on his side turning my family against me. I have the professionals to thank who have seen through his manipulative cunning lies. Including his psycho lie that I gave my son a weapon to attack him with. I"m in the middle of the divorce. Since leaving he has tried taking my children from me and putting a restraining order stating I had harassed him. During that RO he showed up at my home at 1120 at night harassing me verbally and threatening more court action against me. I have learned to cut him off from texting me because that contains lots of lies and manipulation and games to only use his demonic claw grasps into the depths of my soul that causes me more emotional pain. He has continued to lie to his own family only downplaying any and all abuse and harm he has caused both me and my son. I thank God that the GAL is seeing him for who he is as did my son's previous counselor describing him as cunning, a liar, and very manipulative. This man sits in church on a weekly basis. He has no heart and no feelings or soul. As my son read a letter today addressed to his abusive father stating how he had bullied him and strangled him my x sat behind me with his just as EVIL mother shaking their heads in complete denial. He has never been sorry for any harm or emotional pain he has caused me or my children and continues to BLAME only me for his own disturbing actions. He also was violent towards his brother ending in his hands on his brother's neck only to blame his brother and lie about what had really occurred. I will continue to read these blogs to deal with what the reality really is why he behaves so horrible and why he so unwilling to take any accountability for his actions even after the courts gave me sole custody of our oldest son. All I can say is I have an hourglass in my room and I turn it everyday saying to myself "YOUR time is running out and your fraudulant ways WILL be revealed." He also has hurt people with his business deception using them for egotistical gain making them believe his "dreams" of a big business and lots of money only to "drop" these people outta his life and say he has no use for them. I hope these actions come and haunt him for the rest of his life. I feel for these people who have had to succomb to his mental sickness. I also feel for my son the loss of our family and my own stupidity to stay with such a horrible evil man who personifys the devil. AFter all what human looses a brother his only one, a son, a wife and his family and still can stand and point the finger at his victimes. I just left an 18 year marriage of emotional abuse. which then turned on my teen into physical and emotional abuse. After I left him last fall his true colors started to show the psycho/sociopathic personality began to rear it’s ugly head up. Even my intelligent son years ago said his father was a sociopath. It took me a long time to figure that out. In April I allowed my son to see his father at which point he yelled, slammed a table, blocked him from leaving, pushed him down and punched him. When the cops came he lied saying my son “tripped in the kitchen”. To this day after my son had endured years of bullying to the extent of strangulation last year I left that demonic man. He was so deceptive he even was able to lure my parents on his side turning my family against me. I have the professionals to thank who have seen through his manipulative cunning lies. Including his psycho lie that I gave my son a weapon to attack him with. I”m in the middle of the divorce. Since leaving he has tried taking my children from me and putting a restraining order stating I had harassed him. During that RO he showed up at my home at 1120 at night harassing me verbally and threatening more court action against me. I have learned to cut him off from texting me because that contains lots of lies and manipulation and games to only use his demonic claw grasps into the depths of my soul that causes me more emotional pain. He has continued to lie to his own family only downplaying any and all abuse and harm he has caused both me and my son. I thank God that the GAL is seeing him for who he is as did my son’s previous counselor describing him as cunning, a liar, and very manipulative. This man sits in church on a weekly basis. He has no heart and no feelings or soul. As my son read a letter today addressed to his abusive father stating how he had bullied him and strangled him my x sat behind me with his just as EVIL mother shaking their heads in complete denial. He has never been sorry for any harm or emotional pain he has caused me or my children and continues to BLAME only me for his own disturbing actions. He also was violent towards his brother ending in his hands on his brother’s neck only to blame his brother and lie about what had really occurred. I will continue to read these blogs to deal with what the reality really is why he behaves so horrible and why he so unwilling to take any accountability for his actions even after the courts gave me sole custody of our oldest son. All I can say is I have an hourglass in my room and I turn it everyday saying to myself “YOUR time is running out and your fraudulant ways WILL be revealed.” He also has hurt people with his business deception using them for egotistical gain making them believe his “dreams” of a big business and lots of money only to “drop” these people outta his life and say he has no use for them. I hope these actions come and haunt him for the rest of his life. I feel for these people who have had to succomb to his mental sickness. I also feel for my son the loss of our family and my own stupidity to stay with such a horrible evil man who personifys the devil. AFter all what human looses a brother his only one, a son, a wife and his family and still can stand and point the finger at his victimes.

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]]> By: candy http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/03/30/abuse-domestic-violence-and-visitation/comment-page-1/#comment-115248 candy Sun, 17 Apr 2011 09:57:40 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/03/30/abuse-domestic-violence-and-visitation/#comment-115248 LL - funny. Dentures - This was sooooooo funny. Made my day:) LL – funny. Dentures – This was sooooooo funny. Made my day:)

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]]> By: skylar http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/03/30/abuse-domestic-violence-and-visitation/comment-page-1/#comment-115233 skylar Sun, 17 Apr 2011 08:22:54 +0000 http://www.lovefraud.com/blog/2007/03/30/abuse-domestic-violence-and-visitation/#comment-115233 :) :) :) :) :)
:)
:)
:)

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