Releasing the pain inflicted by a sociopath
PDF Lovefraud recently heard from Janine in Florida. Here is what she wrote:
In May it will be two years since I realized my ex-husband was a sociopath and every day I deal with the psychological nightmare that he has given me. I try so hard not to think about the destruction he has done to me…but every day it is there. Destroyed period.
How can one put this behind them?? Yes I have moved on with my life but every day in my mind what he did to me is there and will be in my brain forever. I have been told to forgive him and I do in a way because I realize how sick he is but it is still there!
Taken, abused, used, destroyed as a woman, as a human being and of course him shoving everything down my throat. Defaming my character, slandering me and doing his best to destroy my life. That is the hardest part, the man I helped the most in my life to live his dreams became my nightmare…I will carry this with me until my dying day.
Sociopaths charm their way into our lives, destroy us, and then leave. They go on their merry ways, and we are left with emotional train wrecks. Anger, shock, betrayal, disbelief, disappointment, sadness, shame, fear, grief, hatred, rage—all adding up to incredible pain. What are we to do with it?
I believe we must allow ourselves to feel it.
Facing the Fire
In 1993, I attended a workshop given by John Lee, author of Facing the Fire: Experiencing and Expressing Anger Appropriately. Lee talks about anger as a physical sensation that gets stuck in the body. Many of us walk around carrying decades of anger—childhood anger at our parents, anger from adolescent taunts, anger from previous husbands or wives. Unless we do something about it, the anger of the past stays there, affecting our present.
Anger builds into rage. Rage builds into numbness.
John Lee’s book offers techniques for dealing with our anger. Many of us try to intellectualize our anger away. This doesn’t work. Anger is a physical emotion that needs to be physically released. The idea is to do it without hurting other people or domestic animals. Lee suggests pounding pillows, twisting towels, stomping on the ground and breaking old cups and saucers into trash cans. We have to keep doing it until we experience a release.
To learn more on these ideas, read an interview with John Lee.
Experiencing the pain
When I finally learned that my ex-husband was a con man, that he had fathered a child with another woman during our marriage, that the $227,000 he took from me was gone, I had extreme anger—and all of those other negative emotions—adding up to incredible pain.
Luckily, I had employed John Lee’s techniques before—I tried them all, and found that punching pillows worked best for me. I also had a therapist who guided me in experiencing my pain. Because that is what needed to happen.
The pain had to come out, and the way to do it was physically. This meant punching pillows until I collapsed. It meant crying—deep, loud wails. It meant telling my ex-husband, emphatically, exactly how I felt—even though he wasn’t there to hear it.
Make no mistake, this is not pretty. It is best done in privacy, or with a skilled therapist. And it takes a long time, because there are layers and layers of pain—you dig one out, and another one surfaces.
But it works. I can honestly say that the pain is gone—not only the pain of the sociopath, but the pain I was carrying around beforehand that enabled me to fall for his lies.
I have recovered. I am happily remarried to a wonderful man. And I am peaceful.
written by Donna Andersen • Permalink •
one/joy_step_at_a_time says:
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Ox Drover says:
Hey guys, Hens paid up his duck support, I got TWO THREE DOLLAR BILLS IN THE MAIL YESTERDAY!!!!
He didn’t come get them for the weekend (it was HIS weekend) and they quacked to me that they were disappointed they didn’t get to see him but I understand that at least he cared enough to PAY UP HIS DUCK SUPPORT. LOL
Boy am I tired! Was gone to town all day yesterday and didn’t get home til midnight from the Boy Scout meeting and D’s 34th birthday party (combined) but did enjoy the day out and got lots of things done….been cooking and working around here all day, got a load of guys coming over tomorrow to help D cut down some dead trees in my front yard so have to feed’em good….
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candy says:
OMG Ox….Hens is the daddy??
Joke…..
A duck went into a pub and asked the Barman: “Got any duck food?”
“No I haven’t, now clear off.
Next day, the duck goes into the pub and again asks for duck food.
“I told you yesterday, we don’t have any, now get out.”
Next day, the duck goes into the pub again, and asks for duck food.
“Look,” says the Barman, “If you come in here asking for duck food again, I’ll nail your Bill to the bloody bar, now get out.”
The next day, the duck goes into the pub and says to the Barman:
“Got any nails?”
“No.” says the Barman
“Good,” says the duck, “Got any duck food?”
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Ox Drover says:
Candy, LOL ROTFLMAO
Yea, Hens sent me the incubator which he wasn’t using and the first batch of eggs I hatched in it was 4 little ducks out of 9 eggs to start with. I have 30 eggs in it now…anyway, I was teasing him about paying up his “duck support” the other day….so he sent me two $3 bills with Obama’s picture on them….and I tacked them up on my bulletin board too….The return address was “Daddy Duck” LOL What a hoot, made me laugh and laugh. I knew it would be something funny!
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Hens says:
Dont ever say I didnt help support my four wittle duckies
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Ox Drover says:
I cleaned out the cage of your four wittle duckies today—and they are nasty little duckies– but growing like widdle weeds. And yes, you did support them by making their mommy laugh!!!! LOL I knew you were up to SOMETHING! LOL
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Hens says:
and dont ever call me a dead beak dad either.
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Ox Drover says:
Dear BEaK dad! LOL ROTFLMAO Well, with these little guys I wouldn’t blame you, they are nasty little critters. I candled the eggs in the incubator tonight and looks like the drake isn’t doing his job about 2/3 of them were not starting to hatch so boiled them and will feed them back to the ducks, but the other 10-12 eggs that are left are starting to make baby duckies. Might have been that the ones that didn’t hatch were just too old as I had to save them over about a 2 1/2 week period and anything over 7 days old the hatchability decreases. But that’s okay, I only need a few for my “egg production” and you are a GOOOOOOOD DUCKY DADDY HENS, you sent them some 3 dollar bills for their duck support. I hope the guy at the feed store will take them for a sack of feed! LOL
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Hens says:
lol well you know what they say – he is —– as a 3 dollar bill ~~~!! quack quack – couldnt resist – somebody save me from my insanity…
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one/joy_step_at_a_time says:
first thing *I* thought when i heard about the cashola…..
and ain’t gonna save you from your insanity hens (or do we have to start calling you ‘ducks’ now?), because i do like some company.
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pollyannanomore says:
Aw that’s sweet you’re co-parenting the ducks Oxy and Hens …. who said long distance r elationships can’t work out???
I agree the pain takes a long time to heal – especially when the stress blows out into the physical body in the form of chronic conditions. I’ve been battling mine for about eight yrs now – sometimes it’s up and sometimes it’s down, but it’s never the same two days in a row.
I suggest to anyone feeling low after a spath battle, consider getting all your vitamin and mineral levels checked. I was found to be low in iron, b12, vit d and to have an eroded neck disc causing extreme pain.
I found the items quite ironic in their metaphorical value. This means he stole my:
sunshine (vit d)
energy (b12)
strength (iron)
and my ability to hold my head up high (neck disc)
The Lord works in mysterious ways – I KNOW categorically all these things were caused by the stress and upset of the relationship – I had many days where I would cry for 23 hours and not eat anything so deficiency is a natural byproduct.
Hope everyone is having a happy weekend!
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Hens says:
polly – I love your vitamin analogy – I take mine every day…
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skylar says:
what does magnesium mean? that was the mineral that helped me most.
Oh yes, calm energy = magnesium, but of course!
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Ox Drover says:
Let me chime in here (Nursie hat on head) be careful taking vitamins and supplements. There are vitamins that in EXCESS are TOXIC, K, A, D, and E can be toxic in excess (they are fat soluble, not water soluble so will accumulate in the body)….to the point of KILLING YOU.
Magnesium is a heavy metal but is also a trace mineral that we need. IN TINY AMOUNTS. When my cattle were low in magnesium I had an outbreak of foot rot problems….but I had blood tests done on them to see what was going on before I just started throwing minerals at them. Our country is also deficient in selenium as well, so that is another supplement I have to give them.
Keep in mind that just because something is “all natural” does not mean it is ALL SAFE….the most toxic poison, bottullin toxin is ALL NATURAL and even a TEEENY TINY amount will kill you dead’rn a hammer.
A lot of the “supplements” that are sold over the counter are NOT properly labeled as to what is actually in the bottles, and keep in mind a lot of these come from 3rd world countries where the manufacturing of this kind of product is less than sanitary.
There is even a big business in counterfit Rx drugs now being made in back yard chemical factories and sold to pharmacies as the real mcCoy….so be careful what you buy and take.
If you are in doubt you can have your doctor check your levels of vitamins and minerals to see if you really need to supplement.
Also, look for the science-based evidence of RESEARCH studies that are double blind done on these products….you may find that many of them are either worthless or actually harmful.
So a balanced diet of healthy foods, (organic or natural if you can afford or find them) a high quality multivitamin, exercise and peace and calm will do a whole lot for our bodies and minds as well as health and quality of life. Oh, and the American Heart Association recommends less than 1500 mg of sodium (salt) per day (yea, I know, no fanatic like a convert, I’m down to about 500-750 on the sodium and have never felt better…well not recently any way! I feel pretty good for an old woman!) LOL
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one/joy_step_at_a_time says:
And here comes one joy to advocate for knowledge that is sometimes outside of the medical paradigm.
#1 the tests currently used by allopathic medicine will NOT tell you everything about your nutrient and vitamin needs.
#2 If we are here dollars to donuts our adrenal and immune systems are well taxed or exhausted. I have yet to meet an allopath who offered me any way to deal with that. I have however, met others people/ processes working outside that paradigm who have: Traditional Chinese medicine Doctors, the women of Health Pursuits Reading Group, a Bowen practitioner, the Dr. Lendon-Smith test kit (although created by a Dr., i was introduced to this process by the health pursuits reading group), etc.
#3 There ARE MDs who work in this area and who understand and are knowledgable. I know of a few – but have yet to work with them (with the exception of my gyno.) I am in the process of filling out some paperwork that WILL put me in contact with MDs who specialize in dealing with rebuilding immune and adrenal systems through the effective and individual use of supplements.
#4 I never buy vitamins at the grocery store – for all the reasons oxy mentioned. Go to any high end vitamin store and see what the more expensive brands are; talk to knowledgeable people (first, find knowledgeable people…:))people and find out which brands are known to be consistent and accurate in their contents and dosage, and of high quality.
#5 don’t follow ‘trends’. Years ago EVERYONE was doing the ‘candida’ diet to reduce yeast in their bodies. I am positive that it was helpful for many (me included), but for others…not so much, and a big waste of money.
#6 Our need for certain vitamins, minerals and trace elements changes constantly – with season, health, toxin loads, stress load, how long we have been deficient, how being deficient in one thing affects our ability to absorb or utilize another. it is as much an onion situation as our emotions are.
#7 ‘suggested’ dosages are not necessarily the dosage we need at any given time.
#8 emotions and what we take into our bodies changes our chemistry. our chemistry changes how we process what we take into our bodies (both good and bad), and our emotions. it IS holistic.
Oxy, i encourage you to go read the health pursuits reading group’s blog. These women have saved their lives through ‘real life’ study and research. I have been thinking about asking the founder to write an article for lf about the bio chemical affects of stress. It’s an important part of healing. I don’t know if she would have time, and of course i need to talk to Donna about it, and see if she would be interested.
best,
one joy
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Ox Drover says:
Dear One/Joy,
I know a MD who is also a holistic physician as well and uses alternative medicine in several aspects and I am believe me in favor of whatever WORKS…unfortunately there are too many QUACKS who are out to sell the vitamin or supplement of the week for money without any conscience about what it might or might not do to folks.
I remember when main stream medicine use to allow children’s feet to be x-rayed to fit shoes on them….so even mainstream medicine is not always without some SIGNIFICANT DANGERS….recently there was an article (several actually) about people who were doing CT scans who had poorly adjusted machines and FRIED THE BRAINS of hundreds of people over several years by giving 100s of times the amount of radiation they thought they were using….
Over use of antibiotics have bred bugs that nothing can kill now…so I am as leery of main stream medicine as I am of “alternative” medicine.
I have recently changed the supplements that I take due to some research showing that the supplement I was taking was NOT effective….not harmful, just not effective for what they thought it would do….and so I quit it. I try to take as LITTLE MEDICINE as possible…and as simple a medication as possible (older kinds of medications that have been around for millions and millions of doses) rather than jump on the newest medication out there. I use coated aspirin for my joint pain, rather than some of the “stronger” newer things, but also get checked to make sure it isn’t eating my stomach up (just got the all clear on that with my upper GI check up) and diet and exercise and low sodium have managed to take care of my high blood pressure and high blood sugar without medication….
My cholesterol is a little bit high but sure as heck don’t want to take the statins for that, so am eating enough oats that I may start to whinney here before long, so hopefully that will bring them down to an acceptable level. I actually picked good ancestors medically for the most part as most of them lived well into their 80s or above so that helps too. I have been active most of my life, so that has helped too.
Stress did take a horrible toll on my immune system, and I ended up with 4 life threatening infections over a 3 year period….but in the last 3 years I haven’t even had a bad cold so I think my immune system is starting to come back around to a healthier state than it has been, especially during the 3 years when my husband died, my step dad died, and the summer of chaos came around and I had to run and hide.
When I was in college I studied about the effects of stress and the Holmes and Rahe stress studies are very interesting….and my score was in the THOUSANDS and 300 “points” is “high”! No wonder I got sick.
I’ve continued to read about the effects of the stress hormones since college, as a lot of progress has been made in the study of the effects that they have on the body, mind and spirit. Not only chemical changes but actually PHYSICAL CHANGES in the brain and in the entire body….amazing stuff.
That is why I think it is so important for us (as survivors) to decrease the stress and drama in our lives in order to heal…as long as we stay in the spin cycle with our head in the blender, we are not going to be able to heal. We must step out of the whirlwind and find a place to lie down and recouperate.
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one/joy_step_at_a_time says:
Hi Oxy,
Just like any other thing, there are steps and measures that we can take to avoid quackery (well, except in ducks) in allopathic medicine AND in alternative or complementary medicines. I advocate applying the same standards to whomever/ whatever I am dealing with: does the practitioner know and understand my health history; do they get the holistic picture; do they listen; do they have enough experience with the illnesses i have to be helpful; do they explain the course of treatment adequately, and can they tell me why they recommend that course of treatment, it’s advantages and dangers; do they integrate my feedback about the efficacy of the treatment in their plan. And if it is applicable (as in , can i find out) – what kind of rep do they have? If it is a service i have to pay for, does the number of paid visits seem reasonable?
It’s also great if i like them and they are ‘warm.’ This matters less in a surgeon, than say, in a body worker. Trust is important. Do their recommendations and work prove out over time?I had such a great MD for 9 years before i moved here – I felt cared for, and helped. I have all my med records from him, and at every visit his first question was: ‘how are you’, and he would write down the answer. then he would ask me about my folks, and he would write down the answer, etc. I had an acupuncturist that was that way also. (he’s the one who broke the worst of my fatigue) His partner did an intake with me that lasted 2 hours. 1 of my telling them about my health, etc., and 1 of his partner telling the head acupuncturist my story VERBATIM while the head guy took my pulses and asked me a few questions. These guys were amazing. I wish i still lived near them (3000 miles is too damn far). They even have ‘needled’ orchids all over the house where their practice is. When i left that area, i left my orchids with them.
I do not bow at the feet of medicine – my mom was an RN, and i have seen that behavior hinder her healing. If she had been able to accept other possibilities and NOT follow the MDs advice blindly, her quality of life would have been much higher. Nor do i get on the band wagon with the newest fad or ideas in supplementation.
As you said, there is more and more good information about how stress hormones affect us, the physical changes that are wrought, the diseases triggered. I just don’t believe that western medicine has most of the answers, or knows best how to use this information to promote health.
OMG – the little girls who live up the street are carrying their white dogs through the woods again (i am thinking, ‘why are their sheep in the woods??) – it’s funny as hell, the dogs are almost as big as the kids. one of my big joys is watching the kids cavort in the woods with their dogs. They are so responsible with them.
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one/joy_step_at_a_time says:
Really good documentary on our bio chemical response to nature, and its healing effect:
http://www.cbc.ca/thecurrent/e.....cumentary/
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pollyannanomore says:
Hi Mama Oxy
You make some good points. I’m fortunate I’ve found an MD who is open to natural nutritional treatments. I’ve been tested inside out and was under a rheumatologist for the vit d and calcium supplementation.
Sky – you might want to be careful with the multivitamins. I used to take them but recently my specialist told me to stop – apparently a research report just came out a few months ago that showed women who took daily multivitamins had a 19% higher risk of breast cancer than those who didn’t. I so agree with you re magnesium – I take mine transdermally by pouring three cups of mag chloride flake into a bath and it really does relax the whole system – brilliant stuff! Just what we need after all the stress we’ve been through. Magnesium is an essential mineral for around 300 cellular processes in the body and in particular the nervous system – just what we need after the stress we’ve had! Apparently mag can help with body pain caused by trapped calcium in the cell tissue – mag pushes out the excess and balances to equilibrium within the cell – we’re meant to have a ratio of two parts mag to one part calcium in our cells.
I think when you have a chronic health condition, you’re willing to try just about anything. I’ve certainly tried some snake oil cures in my time. Conventional medicine doesn’t seem to understand the connection between the chronic stress of these relationships and the chronic health conditions that many of us manifest later on.
Hens I found the metaphor enlightening lol Hopefully you’ll be fine with your vitamins … the study only followed women!
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darwinsmom says:
Facing the fire… it seems throwing dishes might be my thing. If I imagine my ex-fiance were present right here with me, that’s exactly what I feel like doing: throwing dishes on the floor. Too bad, I don’t have old ones
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skylar says:
Polly
I never take a multi because I have not found 1 that doesn’t make me sick. I think it might be the niacin that makes me feel sick. I feel much better taking a dozen different vitamins Rather than 1 multivitamin.
Your explanation about magnesium is exactly why I took it and it really did help so much for my fibromialgia. I don’t believe you can take too much magnesium. The worst that can happen is you flush it out with diarrhea. at that point you need to bring the dosage down.
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Ox Drover says:
http://emedicine.medscape.com/.....#aw2aab6b5
Too much magnesium is not a common thing, and many times Sky is right the diarrhea will eliminate most of the excess, but not always so there can be problems especially if you have kidney problems or other metabolic problems.
Too much of anything is usually not a good idea. Moderation seems to be the key to me.
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skylar says:
When you have other imbalances, sometimes the normal range of supplementation isn’t enough. That is the situation with adrenal exhaustion caused by stress and also with fibromyalgia. That said, the form of magnesium is also important. Magnesium chelated with citrate is a common form and cheap, but you have to take much much more for the benefits compared to taking Magnesium chelated with malic acid. The difference is night and day. And by taking less, you don’t have to deal with the diahrea.
I agree Ox, there are too many quacks touting the latest fad, and the latest one being touted by the allopathic medical establishment is high dosages of vitamin D. Something smells fishy about that one. Especially since it is a fat soluable one. and virtually impossible to get such high amounts naturally.
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Ox Drover says:
Sky,
Isn’t it amazing that people actually lived and thrived without mega vitamins for eons? LOL Actually some of my ancestors actually died of vitamin deficiencies and my great grandmother died in 1905 from lack of B vitamins due to living on “salt pork, corn meal and molasses” much of the year without fresh meat or veggies…it was common back in those days on the subsistence farms…along with scurvy etc. especially for women who were generally preg or nursing or both….
On one of the polar expeditions the explorers were coming out, only two left alive, and they were eating their dogs as they made their way toward rescue. The sicker of the two men was in the sled and the other man was giving the sicker man the “best” cut of the dog—-the liver. What neither of them knew though was that 1 cubic inch of dog liver has enough vitamin A to be TOXIC so every day the man was eating MULTIPLE TOXIC DOSES of vitamin A so in an effort to help him more as he got sicker, the more well of the men gave ALL the liver to the sick man whose skin soon started to slough off. At that time little was actually known about the role of vitamins or how they worked.
But K, A, D AND E are ones that are stored in fat in the body IF OVER TAKEN…and if there is no fat to store them in, then they are allowed to “roam freely”—if you have a big batch of stored K,A,D, & E in your fat and you go on a diet, releasing this excess vitamins you can also become toxic….so these are all considerations to think about.
Yea, Sky it is like this diet that is being touted now with the starvation and taking growth hormones to lose weight. I was watching Dr. OZ the other day and he was actually convinced that it might be worth a try….DUH!!!!! Well, I just lost interest in his opinions and actually I was thinking he sounded pretty smart and was giving out good information until then. I don’t watch him every day, but once in a while. Now NEVER AGAIN. That was like that phen-fen diet craze a few years ago….then they found out that it could cause heart problems. DUH! How about just eating less and exercising more?
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skylar says:
True Oxy, we did survive for eons without supplements, but remember too that our food had actual nutrients in it. But now it’s all grown on mineral depleted land that is pumped full of nitrogen and phosphorus. Then there are the pesticides and fungacides and the GMO. The world we live in now is not what our ancestors evolved in. Not to mention all the stress from spaths everywhere!!
So the key would be to live like you do, as much as possible, grow your own and do it the normal way, not with chemical fertilizers. Your duck stories are awsome and I’m inspired to get ducks too! Oh and removing spath from your life is inspiring too.
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Ox Drover says:
I’m just an old QUACK POT!!!! LOL
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BeAware says:
I find the chewy gummy vitamins that you give to little kids work fabulous for my own self. The big solid vitamins, I have always suspected, come out the other side looking a lot like they did when I swallowed them, seeing as I have a hard time digesting concrete!
Ox Drover, ducks are wonderful animals. I used to have a few. When I left, the ole ex-husband drove down the road throwing them out the car window into the wild. Bye bye little duckies.
I like to release my anger by throwing horseshoes. I just set up horseshoe pits in my new front yard. I’m not very accurate yet, but you just wait.
It’s been almost a year now since I seen the ex. Wow, things have really changed! Progress can actually happen this way. I can actually take care of my own self and all these children, despite his dire warnings that we would NEVER be able to EXIST without him.
I thought about the prospect of a boyfriend the other day. But I am still unable to grow feelings. Like for example, it seems impossible for someone to hurt my feelings and I wonder if I’m still human and if I still actually own a heart. Or perhaps my heart is petrified into steel, like a vehicle’s carbuerator. It pumps away and will last a long long while, but there aren’t soft parts. I have respect for others, great respect, so I know I haven’t turned vampire too, but…. Well I just hardly feel human. It doesn’t necessarily bother me, like I wouldn’t have it any other way, but somehow that seems wrong.
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pollyannanomore says:
Skylar – interesting that you find multi’s make you sick … your body must be quite sensitive and intuitive. You’re dead right on the ‘normal range’ … many scientists categorically state RDAs are far too low for optimal health. And of course each person is a unique biology with unique requirements.
Oxy I have been looking into that regime you mentioned – the HCG approach. I’ve actually discussed it with my Dr – he had a clinic in Spain where he gave the injections daily. I also read the research the approach is based on and it seems to make sense. It mimics the fat burning state that women approach naturally in pregnancy where stored fat is burned off during morning sickness so the fetus doesn’t starve. The regime is daily injections of a small amount of HCG and B12 and other b vitamins. The person also has to follow a 500 calorie a day diet and the scheme is followed for either 23 days or 42 days. Most people lose a pound a day with this approach – some research is saying the injections have nothing to do with it and it’s the low calorie diet, but b12 is known as the energy vitamin and is used in this approach to stave off hunger and provide energy.
I haven’t committed to doing it though. It’s basically a short term to lose a big amount of weight quickly and get the body back to some kind of balance with a healthy diet afterwards. I’m pretty chicken with needles and am finding giving myself a once a week b12 injection into the thigh is difficult – I avoid it as long as possible! If you look on youtube you can see lots of videos from people who have done it – chronicling their experiences and with before and after pictures. My Dr said it definitely works for weight loss ….I guess I’m slightl attached to my rolls lol
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darwinsmom says:
If you exercise daily with bodyweight exercises, you need the right amount of nutritions to help you create muscles.
We don’t really need extra multi-vitamins, because if you eat healthy and varied, you will get all that you need.
An easy rule, without needing to resort to sites with calories or weighing your food:
- 2 cups of chopped veggies
- 1 cup of carbohydrates (bread, pasta, rice, …)
- meat, poultry or fish no bigger than the palm of your hand
Eat 5 times a day a meal, every 3 hours, of the above portions, and not only will you be getting all the vitamins and nutricients you need. You will not feel hungry (though eating less carbs might be tough), and because of that your body will start to think over time that it would be better to burn food faster, rather than just slower to preserve food for when you starve yourself. In other words, your metabolism will rise.
And as you get more muscle over time, that will help to raise your metabolism as well, because muscles basically are energy burners, even if you’re sleeping.
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Ox Drover says:
Pollyanna, while there may be a possibility that that HCG program is okay and doens’t do any long term harm to your body, there is a GREAT WAY TO LOSE WEIGHT THAT I GUARANTEE IS PERFECTLY SAFE….eat less and exercise more. It isn’t magic, and it isn’t fast, but it is absolutely SAFE AND SANE and FREE!!!!!
I have lost over 30 pounds since last October when I started this….and need to lose another 30…I have cut down my sodium level to well below what the American Heart Association recommends for everyone (1,500 mg) and my blood pressure is great, my feet don’t swell any more and I feel much much MUCH better.
Darwin’s mom is right that muscle burns calories just “laying there” even when you sleep, so getting our muscles (and bones) healthy is important and exercise is the only way to do that.
I don’t eat a low carb diet, I eat a balanced one, with lots of fruits and veggies and very little concentrated sugars of any kind. Low fat and low cholesterol and of course low sodium, and high fiber and enough oat grain that I’m about to whinney.
I stopped smoking about two years ago, have cut down on coffee and tea and other things that contain caffine — not on purpose but just doesn’t appeal to me any more….
Sleeping better and feeling better…btw, exercise also calms the soul and helps decrease depression and anxiety.
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darwinsmom says:
Don’t consider fruits and veggies as carbs since they have mainly simple sugars, whereas bread/pasta/rice have more complex sugars. They’re an easy way to feel filled, but to feel filled, you end up taking more sugars than your body actually needs anyhow.
I had started on this 15 minute exercise program with that kind of healthy sufficient eating pattern in September when I stopped smoking, intending to keep my body toned so that it would be easier to surf again when I would get the chance. Alas, I suspect I may have overdone the high-knee exercises. As a result, by November, my knee was hurting so much I couldn’t do a thing anymore, and going from doctor to doctor for tests and screenings to find out what was wrong with it. All the while, I couldn’t risk anything. I tried once, and ended up hurting even more the next day and just dropping through my knee. I had gained of course a lot of weight, certainly when I started to comfort eat (first time in my life) because I missed him so much. And I picked up smoking again (grrrrrr) 3 weeks ago I was finally scope operated on it. Turned out a little bit of my cartilege was damaged, and was shaved off. Now doing kinesitherapy and allowed to start exercise again, cautiously. I need to get into shape again by July 5, cause that’s when I’ll be taking a group of adventure tourists to a 3 week trip into Pery, and have to do the Inca Trail and a canyon 3-day trip as well.
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Ox Drover says:
Dear Darwin’s mom,
Well, I’m 64, be 65 later this year, and all my old injuries have arthritis an you know how that goes, but Am getting as much exercise as these old bones will tolerate, to keep up bone strength and muscle tone, which is good for someone my age, actually. I had good physical heredity so that helps of course. Just packed on the pounds “comfort eating”—-mowing grass with a push mower, 1 hour and 20 minutes yesterday and will do that much again today, pulling brush from tree trimming, and walking quite a bit….standing more and sitting less…eating my food as unprocessed as possible, oat groats, etc. and lots and lots of low calorie veggies; carrots, green beans, etc.
Relearning about cooking —doing it without salt—and reading labels to find “hidden salt” in things and eliminating those things.
Cooking pretty much from “scratch” and eating as many things that are “natural” as possible. I raise my own meat so it is grass fed rather than corn fed and therefore higher in Omegas and lower in the saturated fats than commercial meats.
Put those ciggies down GIRL!!!!! You can do it! If necessary get you some nicotine replacement and use it for a short time. I can’t tell you how glad I am that I finally quit. I still get the urges from time to time….as much now as when I first quit…but I resist them for ME and they soon pass. Should have done it decades ago. But glad that I did finally quit. My chronic cough also almost immediately quit too and lung function tests showed I actually have pretty good lung function for someone who is a) this old and b) a big time smoker, so got lucky with my genetics again.
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darwinsmom says:
Sounds like the best dietary habbits you can have, Oxy!!!
Used to be vegetarian for years. But doing 5 meals a day on a bodyweight workout program, made that too hard to make sure I’d get the needed protein. So, after a decade, I’m eating meat again.
I should put the smokes down again. I was so proud of myself over it. And actually it was pretty easy. I did smoke a puff of pot once in a while when the puffing urge became too much. And I puffed from 1 cigar spread across a month time. It was stupid. I wanted to buy myself a cigar to puff from a little on my birthday. Bt they didn’t have a good large one, so ended up buying a pack of small cigars. So, while I haven’t touched a ciggie yet, I’m smoking small cigars now. Ugh.
I need to quit them soon again, to have good lungs for the Andes in another 2 months! I quit in September because my doctor told me I was at the starting stage of chronic bronchitis.
I guess, I picked the habbit up again, because I felt everything was failing around me: fiance, the knee, the extreme budgeting….
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Ox Drover says:
YOu can do it Darwin’s mom, I know you can….just get some of the nicotine replacements, I used the lozenges rather than the gum as it seemed to “hold” me better, then I tapered off until I got where I could do with out them.
My chronic bronchitis is not apparent any more, I seldom cough and having had even a cold since I quit smoking…and lowered the stress levels. I’ve only been on the really good diet since October, but that is 7 months now, so my weight loss is SLOW for sure, and I’ve been at a stand still on wt loss for aobut 6 or 8 weeks now, so need to increase the exercise more and decrease the food more.
I’ve had some medication changes and that may be why I am craving carbs more….and giving in…but it is fruits and nuts mostly, but still more calories than I need to lose weight with, so got to cut it out.
The sodium was the biggie, and I CRAVED salt and ate way too much salt my entire life, now foods taste much better without the salt masking the real flavors and even my son is getting used to much much less salt in his foods as I cook the same for him as for me most of the time and he has to add salt if he wants more, he is adding much less and getting to like the food as well.
I felt deprived when I first started the low sodium diet, but now am seeing it as a challenge to recreate my favorite meals low sodium, or even essentially salt free! Now I don’t feel “deprived” but see it as being CREATIVE instead. Just a change of attitude.
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darwinsmom says:
Actually, I did it cold turkey in September, and puffed pot (1-3 puffs) a night for not even two weeks. So I can do it cold turkey. It was easy, cause I was so motivated. So, finding the motivation within me… being able to start exercising again, will probably do the trick. Being able to get on that Inca trail without heaving and puffing halfway up, will help as well.
Yeah, your taste buds adjust to the strength and flavour of food. Before I was vegetarian, I never understood why vegetarians make faces and point at their plate and say “there was meat in that dish!!!”. But once you adapt to a diet where you don’t eat meat anymore and then after a long while end up having some bbq meat sauce on your salad, it’s like the taste buds explode. Meat flavour is very strong. That’s why at first vegetarian meals seem so bland. They are if you’re going for soy-meat, a spoon of veggies and a big spoon of carbs. The diet works well though, if you make mixed plates of litte pieces of different tastes of it: a cheese with a strong flavour, different fruits, with different varieties of salads, and some burned nuts, a good vineagre… and it becomes a feast.
I imagine it’s the same for saltless food.
The 5 meals a day ends up being creative too, and I actually end up using all the food I have in the fridge. Open the fridge and look what is in there, grab a small piece of frozen meat (not even able to see what it is) and just mix it up.
But yesterday and today it was spagetti, using the vegetables I had. Very satisfying. Couldn’t eat much of it though. Felt stuffed after a couple of bites.
Another advantage with break up (or falling in love)… natural diet. Lost 4 kgs of the 15 I gained since September.
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Ox Drover says:
Dear Darwin’s mom,
Yea, I eat 3 meals and 2 snacks at least….and I am the queen of the one-dish meal…and I cook ahead as well…so actually don’t cook every day. I cook my oat groats a week at a time and just microwave them warm in the mornings…saves time. Then I have developed some “milk shakes” that I make in the blender with 2 cups of skim milk and some flavorings that are filling and low calorie and help hydrate me as well. Then have a nice dinner with 4 ounces of my grass fed beef, veggies and some low salt bread or crackers. Then snacks of fruit and nuts. Sometimes I eat meat and veggies for lunch too, or tuna, but I try not to eat too much tuna because of mercury….My meat is actually only about 1% fat and I have trimmed off any visible fat, so actually am eating very low fat, and high fiber as I add flax meal to oat groats in the morning, and make some muffins sometimes with the oat groats and oat flower, with flax meal added in.
Occasionally I will make a lower calorie cake like for a special occasion, like my son’s B-day, but try to stay away from too much white flour….use whole grain corn meal I grind myself and make corn bread, keep eggs to a minimum but what I use are organic free range duck eggs. Lots of green beans, green peas, carrots, peppers, some beans and rice, and tomatoes and garlic in everything. LOL
Have some great casserole meals that are low calorie, low sodium, and even have no sodium baking powder and no sodium baking soda, and all kinds of spices that are NO sodium. Have the sodium down to 500-750 most days and do most cooking from scratch. Use crock pot a lot too, especially in the summer and am working on making different breads with whole wheat and oat flours (in a machine) and keeping sodium low on that too.
Am finding that a good diet, along with exercise is upping my moods as well, that and getting outside more in the sun light. I’ve always tended to have seasonal affect disorder (winter time depression) and sunlight makes a big difference in how I feel emotionally. My doctor who is a really young sweet, and very smart doctor who works in the clinic I worked in when I was doing rural health care (I’m a retired nurse practitioner) is amazed at how I ahve become so OCD about my health. She said she had never seen a “primary care provider who was a compliant patient before!” LOL But you know, I’ve preached good nutrition and self care all my life to others, now it is time for me to PRACTICE IT if I want to keep my health into my “golden years” and so it is do it or die!
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pollyannanomore says:
Hi Oxy and Darwin’s Mom
Sounds like you two have made some major changes in diet since your spath encounters… I have too. When I was with him my diet fell to crap – it ended up consisting of mainly toast, crackers, takeout and junk. I’d try to get healthy food going in the house, but the effort was just too hard to fight against him. And when you’re crying or upset most days, it’s easy to see you don’t have energy or motivation to source and cook healthy foods. So I’m pretty deficient and that’s my reason for not doing HCG … much as though I’d like the easy ride, I think my system is just too fragile at the moment. I’ve got quite a bit of hair falling out – apparently this is caused by the iron and vit b12 deficiency so I’m hoping it slows down soon or I’ll be bald lol!
I’ve been reading a fair whack about inflammation lately and how it is the foundation of lots of disease – particularly relevant to me as I have inflammation in shoulder muscles causing severe pain. Apparently 52% of each meal needs to be raw … cooked food sets up an automatic inflammatory reaction, but raw food doesn’t. So if you eat half raw it kind of fools the body into thinking the rest of the meal will be raw too and the inflammatory process doesn’t set up.
I find it tough to cook living alone – I prefer to cook for two
And the dog and cat just don’t count! I’m also the queen of one pot meals … really have developed a romance with my crockpot (aka slow cooker) lately … of course it means identical meals for several nights but after a long day at work I can’t be bothered to do much more than heat something 
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panther says:
Oh beautiful! Punching pillows might work, but I will check out that link for other ideas too.
I definitely need to do this. YEARS of pain is right, building.
And it worked for you? Then I am going to try it too, if you say it worked.
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